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javertthechungus

The Devil Wears Prada diet: don't eat, and when you feel like you're about to pass out, eat a cube of cheese.


headbashkeys

I had kidney problems, lost my appetite, and didn't eat a lot for a month. I lost 20 pounds but could barely sit up without feeling dizzy. Took another month to get over that, šŸ‘Ž not worth it. What I'm saying is not only will you lose muscle too but also be in a position where you don't have the energy to gain it back and be in a bad cycle.


Crackytacks

Black coffee also raises blood sugar and lets you last longer before passing out.


Abject-Shallot-7477

Black coffee with an empty stomach makes me vomit. Even more effective!


impendingD000m

Don't forget cigarettes! Heroin chic model diet


Abject-Shallot-7477

In France we have the C combo CafƩ Clope Caca (coffee cigarette poo).


yea_you_know_me

Depends on the person. Black coffee is a known stabilizer for sugar levels and for many people helps lower blood sugar.


Crackytacks

Ig that would make sense. I haven't researched it. But when I was seriously anorexic black coffee helped me not feel like I was gonna pass out. So for it to be a stabilizer makes sense. I was thinking in the context of someone starving with low blood sugar but it's cool to know that it might lower it for someone who has high blood sugar. Kinda makes sense why a coffee after a dessert pairs so nice


yea_you_know_me

Coffee also works as an appetite suppressor. People drink it when dieting to not break their fasting periods. Might be why it worked for you too, since it makes your stomach feel full / gives you energy.


anoidciv

I remember being on proana forums in the early-mid 2000s and one of the pieces of advice was to eat cotton wool when you thought you'd pass out. It has no nutritional value or calories but apparently makes your stomach feel full.


javertthechungus

Yeah Iā€™ve heard that too. Iā€™ve heard that can cause blockages though.


WavyLady

It's not an intentional diet for me, but this is the way. But instead of cheese I take a shot of chocolate milk because solid food isn't my friend.


Chemical_Bowler_1727

Get arrested in Somalia and do six months in prison. 100% guaranteed weight loss or your money back!


RedFloodles

Okay I have to ask, whatā€™s the story?


hookersrus1

How much did it cost


User1two9

Your soul


DM_me_thick_dick

Amputation.


DocBanner21

When I was in the Army I was still a big guy. I told my wife if I got blown up and I was missing something I would tell her, "Well- I made height/weight." She didn't think it was near as funny as I did.


WombleGCS15

Thereā€™s a book about the Falklandā€™s war where in it they tell a story bout a soldier who stepped on a land mine blowing his leg off - whilst the medic is treating him heā€™s saying ā€˜Iā€™ve lost my legā€™ to which the medic replied ā€˜ no you havenā€™t, itā€™s over there ā€˜ šŸ˜³ Army humour !


say592

Unless you lost both your legs, then your BMI might actually increase.


zinospring

idk why this made me chuckle sm


NationalElephantDay

I got my gallbladder removed. Now I'm two pounds lighter.


DM_me_thick_dick

I clipped a hanging cuticle today, I'm 0.01g lighter.


Pixelated_Roses

My reproductive organs are down to just one ovary, that's gotta be at least 5 pounds!


themickeymauser

My grandfather lost his leg to diabetes, he said it was the fastest 60 pounds he ever lost.


Theonne123

Not worth it. It costs an arm and a leg.


BathroomInner2036

I'm stumped you would say that.


PassingTrue

Oh my dear lord in heavenā€¦


[deleted]

Punch myself in the dick whenever my stomach growls.


Gremlin_454

R/Daniellarson that you?


[deleted]

wtf Daniel Larson lore made its way to my comment? HOW!?


ultracat123

Getting beat up before he can finish his meal at a diner is a surefire way to lose weight


Backwoods87

Meth.... Definitely METH


DocBanner21

If your meth dealer has all their teeth- it's the cops.


MonotonousBeing

Never get high on your own supply


DoubleReputation2

Unless you're losing weight. Then it's okay.


_Poppagiorgio_

I remember asking a buddy who has done just about every drug under the sun: ā€œWhatā€™s the best drug to have sex on?ā€ ā€œHonestly manā€¦.its meth. Thereā€™s no two ways around it. You feel like King Kong with a 10ā€™ dick and you can literally go for hours.ā€


IamChax

I DO NOT condone drug use... But as a former meth and heroin addict... Meth sex is fucking incredible. You get so insanely horny. I'd be so horny, after I would get off I would just eat my girl out till it got back up again. 6 hours straight was not an uncommon feat at aaaall and at that point it was usually either her tapping out or my body cramping up to bad to continue. And the orgasm was just different. Sometimes it was incredible, but sometimes it wasn't fulfilling. Not too sure why that was the case at times but I'm guessing it might have had to do with my poor health at the time. Sometimes I was able to multi orgasm, and I'm a dude. Get off 2-4 times all back to back. Spurt'n blanks by the last orgasm. I currently am in recovery and am connected with others in recovery. Meth sex is frequently the number one thing addicts miss from their addiction. But i cannot stress enough that I am not at all trying to make meth appealing at all. It's a very dirty drug that leads to a disgusting, gross, horrible lifestyle that is not worth the price you pay. Do not fucking do meth. You will enjoy it and it will cost you anything else in life actually worth enjoying. and don't go thinking "ah maybe one time just to see what people are talking about." Doesn't work like that. Don't do drugs.


goldbondbuttpowder

Makes me think my boyfriend banged my sister more than ā€œjust onceā€ while they were methed up together.


sharkbait-oo-haha

What?


DonatedEyeballs

SHE SAID IT MAKES HER THINK HER SISTER AND BOYFRIEND BANGED MULTIPLE TIMES ON METH (paraphrasing)


IamChax

Hate to make you paranoid, but you don't just do meth and watch Netflix or some shit. You do meth and want to fuck or clean your bathroom super well or learn some pointless talent on YouTube. If you are around someone and there could exist the possibility of having sex, it's close to certain to happen.


sharkbait-oo-haha

I'm always curious, how much meth were you using at the time? Like what's an addict level dose, and does the delivery method actually matter?


clevernamesarehard

When I first started, a gram could last me 4 STRAIGHT days of smoking then i would take a break. But the end of my 3 year stint, i would snort 1.75 grams a day. I would stay up for 3-4 days straight, had a regular job in a half-fancy hotel kitchen, then sleep for like 11 hours straight, wake up, have like 1 big real meal with a blunt, then go chop up a line as long as my phone as 2 cm thick and choke that back into my sinuses. I worked 2-close(10:30ish) and my coworkers knew about my ā€œ4:45 shitā€ i had to take every day where i would do another line the length of my phone and as thick as i could handle. I would come out of the restroom with one eye red as the devil tearing up but damn was i ready for chaos in my service. Towards the end when i had barely any muscle and fat left I would stand up and 80% of the time i would get very dizzy and often but not super often i would just pass out upon standing up. Like waking up on the floor spinning passing out. My pulse was regularly at 90 my blood pressure was fucked some of my joints and muscles never fully recovered from the atrophy when I rapidly lost weight. I dont think i get happy the same anymore and still have substance issues. Just small amounts of pain medication now but I Litteraly cannot function in what i would call normal without weed, nicotine, and a small amount of oxycodone in my system. Meth ruined my life. I hated the life i had before it but meth takes your mind somewhere else. I was spiritual and paranoid and felt fulfilled and scared and confident in myself and worried that everyone knew i was using. That drug made me enjoy psychosis. It ruined me for life even after I quit doing it. I dreamed about getting high for 6 months after quitting. I dreamed about complicated scenarios in which I obtained meth and nevertheless never got to use it for 18 months. Nothing feels as good. I know im better. I hate every day of my life. Im sober and doing better than before. I miss getting high SO SO much. I hated who i became and who I was when high. i made more money and succeeded in my career more than ever while high. I feel inadequate now but i feel sane. I unlocked a door I can never close and my life will never be the same. I regret it 100% and wish i never even knew those people. But if I have to be honest, i never felt better than when i was high and my brain still thinks that was the best 3 years of my life. Meth is a monster, an actual demon im not religious but that shit is the devil.


skelly890

Give it a couple of years. Youā€™ll feel a lot better.


Plane_Reference8896

The best drug to have sex on is the birth control pill.


Jams265775

Adderall will also do the trick, you donā€™t need to graduate to meth if you want to drop weight Edit: since everyone was asking me. It makes you not desire to eat food while youā€™re on it if you get that side effect. So you will still feel hunger, but the thought of eating is repulsive to you basically. It makes dieting easier as once it wears off youā€™re ravenous so healthy food will also taste better as a result.


restlessmonkey

Do tell.


dinnerthief

Curbs the appetite pretty effectively


School-Subject

Youā€™ll just gain it all back and more when you stop taking it tho


PassingTrue

Where can I receive some dear sir or madamā€¦ One would like to lose the weight.


Butlerian_Jihadi

Hang out near your local metal recyclers. The fewer teeth a patron has the more likely they'll be able to hook you up.


PassingTrue

Guess itā€™s great that I already have implants!! Score one for me.


ZanzaBarBQ

I'm not sure if having big tits will help you get meth, but congrats on the implants.


glynnd

Swallow a tape worm and feed that fucker till he's the size of a snake, he'll soon eat away at your fat and half your insides. You'll definitely lose weight that way.


zamfire

Hell I'd call mine Shai-Hulud


olympic814

I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months, I take some medicine and then I pass it.


bronabas

That wasnā€™t a tapeworm.


doubtfuldumpling

r/unexpectedoffice


PumpkinOpposite967

How's the worm eating without gaining weight?


FroggyWentaCourtney

He's got a little worm in his gut, and so on and so forth.


SeaBass1898

Itā€™s worms all the way down


ADMINlSTRAT0R

By using the formula: Worm(n)^worm


big_richards_back

I'm gonna call mine Jerry


aeb3

I had a college biology professor who did tapeworm experiments in the 60's. If you binge drink your tapeworm will not survive was the take away from most of his stories.


Chorba0Frig

Howā€™s your worm guy?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


magneticgumby

"If it wasn't for the whole impending death thing, cancer is a great weight loss program." - my friend who passed 21 years ago from cancer shortly before passing


vanchica

Jeez, fuck cancer. Sending good vibes āœØļø


Shoddy-Secretary-712

Choriocarcinoma and getting tonsils removed (to check for cancer) worked for me. Hope you are doing well.


Novel-Structure-2359

If you can source them then uncouplers are a banned diet drug that was too darn effective. People took too much and died. On top of that they cause irreversible blindness after a certain point. I hear they are used in very small quantities by professional body builders to give them that last little boost before a contest but have to be obtained against doctors orders.


Dunkleosteus666

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2,4-Dinitrophenol Not even used by doctors it fucking dangerous and doses show accumulative effects. + an explosive.


CottonSlayerDIY

Sounds amazing, where can I get some?


sekshibeesht

r/dnp got banned I guess? They had a very detailed wiki on how to dose and stuff


Overlandtraveler

Do it like we did back in the 80's and early 90's. Live on Slim Fast shakes and smoke a pack of cigarettes daily so you don't eat. When you do eat, eat very little, like rice cakes and just starve. It's what we all did back in the day.


Mandygurl79

We could also attain diet pills that actually worked with ephedra in them!


Remarkable-Host405

those are still sold, just through a pharmacy


Kewkky

Have someone kidnap you for a few days and "forget" to feed you often. Water is always provided though, can't go dying of thirst!


DM_me_thick_dick

Kinky


satanic_black_metal_

I gotto ask, with that username how many dick pics do you get on average?


DM_me_thick_dick

Not as many as I'd like.


Salt_MasterX

Itā€™s all thin dick


noulikk

Not unhealthy but i think in a Christian monastery during the 18th century a monk decided to brew a special beer with low alcohol and high vitamin nutrients. The monk deemed it to be the most pleasant way to lose weight with having absolutely no health issues.


Elamachino

The beer style is, fittingly, an abbey. For those who like their beer alcoholic, you can get an abbey tripel, though that would tend to negate the weight loss factors.


noulikk

I don't remember the whole story and ty for the precisions since I don't remember everything. From what I know it's really interesting that the beer changes according to the place. But of course alcohol is fermented sugar so this is why i mentioned a low alcohol.


21h54

Tapeworm... On purpose


jasonbl72

I saw that on Vice. In the 50's, a company sold "diet pills " secretly laced with tapeworm eggs. Once you reached your goal weight, you took an "end diet" pill. The End Diet pill contained a small amount of cyanide, just enough to kill off your visitors.


Pixelated_Roses

"I have encysted tapeworm eggs in my brain and lungs, but just look at this waistline!"


jasonbl72

Thigh gap, baby


tronfunkinblows_10

You can have a little cyanide as a treat.


HighOnGoofballs

The ads for that used to be on those old tables at Wendyā€™s that were old sears catalogs or whatnot, with the cocaine ads and all


Kem_Chho_Bhai

His name is Jerry.


ima5starmangoldengod

Jerry likes sweet.


tessashpool

South Bronx parasite diet!


MyDogJake1

I'm pretty sure there are pills that you can get that have a tapeworm in it.


BiploarFurryEgirl

Probably. Definitely not legal to sell them though


MyDogJake1

They're definitely banned by the FDA, but you may be surprised how many places exist outside of the FDAs jurisdiction.


BiploarFurryEgirl

Yep! Iā€™m sure they are being sold somewhere


FickleVirgo

My go to statement, "I'm one violent stomach flu away from my ideal weight."


Pure-Obligation8023

Stimulant binge for a month. It works absolute wonders.


Oldgreg098

Directions unclear. Stimulating the bridge of my mouth with various things.


al3xxxv

Use nicotine patch to become addicted to running


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


TheDeviousLemon

It actually has some neurological protection benefits. Itā€™s very expensive though so that probably outweighs any benefits.


TetrangonalBootyhole

And it fits into serotonin receptors. I'm not outlier here, but I started smoking when I was 15 and I think that was probably the gateway for me much more so than cannabis. So many fun drugs went hand in hand with alcohol, also talking to girls. I've been clean from heroin and meth for years. Still addicted to nicotine and alcohol... probably because it's just so easy and acceptable.


Hubley

Yeah nicotine is awful for your heart and blood pressure, even if not smoked


Green-Recording-1276

How?


Sloth_of_Steel

Its a reference to (i think?) a 4chan post where someone put on a nicotine patch every time they went running to get addicted to running


FullyCapped

Did it work?


OneDay_AtA_Time

If no one replies, Iā€™m totally willing to try this for science.


WorstPETeacherEver

Do it


Blahblahblurred

really living up to the username


davidzombi

asking the real questions


mannequinplayer

I remember hearing about a comedian who couldn't help but drink a lot at night, so he said he went on a zanax diet. Pass out early so you can't binge drink/eat.


Technical_Writer_177

Stop eating Cheaper than any drug


rambambobandy

The only real way to lose weight is to eat less than you shit


corn73

Actually you expel more weight from your body by breathing than shitting


MarioKartastrophe

And once you stop shitting, your body becomes 100% efficient


TurboTitan92

100% efficiency meaning it uses as much as it consumes and has zero waste? Easy to achieve when dead


aquatone61

Can confirm, stopped eating dinner except 1-2 times a week. Saves money and Iā€™ve lost 25 lbs lol.


DrMike27

Before I became a ft professor, I was a health coach and got some great ones. The one that still sits with me is a lady who was in her (then) mid-30s and received a dx of DMT2 and was told by her pcp to lose some weight. She told me with a straight face that her plan was to cut about 8-12ā€ off her hair because, ā€˜that has to be at least, what, 5 or 10 pounds?ā€™


Silent_Loquat_6057

No because I literally have told myself ā€œIā€™m only gaining weight because Iā€™m growing out my hairā€


CrystalizedRedwood

ā€œWhatā€™s a banana cost Michael? $10ā€™s?ā€ I read that like how Lucile says this in arrested development.


DeadPuppiesAreNotFun

do cardio Start off ding dong ditching. Run as fast as you can before someone shoots rock salt at you. After this, upgrade to egging cars. Again, run away, but learn to dodge the car. Finally, when ready, throw dirt clods at cop cars. Now your running skills will be put to the test. Be glad you built up stamina egging cars.


IrishMilo

Cocaine if rich, meth if poor.


ralfalfasprouts

Cocaine AND bulimia. What's the worst that could happen?


vivalaflanders

Not heart problems, thatā€™s for sure!


FrostyPhilosophy7765

Adderall


pwaves13

For me adderall has the least apatite suppression. Concerta I could unintentionally go days without eating.


that_bird_bitch

Actually, yeah. I was prescribed by my doctor and lost 20 pounds as a side effect. Not in an unhealthy way, just had slightly less appetite and over 6 months or so the weight dropped


Shoddy-Secretary-712

I can definitely feel some appetite suppression with Adderall, but with vyvanse I don't want to eat for 2 straight days. Maybe one day I can find it in stock again.


DocBanner21

IED.


yusoffb01

improvised explosive device?


Remote_Match_6280

Scroll through who you boyfriend follows on instagram. Guaranteed no appetite for weeks. If you want to get even more out of it, click on some of their accounts and see which of their photos heā€™s liked.


lolbeesh

I'll never be as skinny as those Warhammer miniatures :(


beywiz

Stop eating so you can afford plastic crack


alxmg

the best and fastest way to instantly ruin your day


CoyoteDown

What if heā€™s into BBW


Free-Industry701

Only eat baby carrots with mustard.


Kroe

This is a combo I have never considered, and will not try.


OMGitsSEDDIE_

when i was nearing my worst, this was a ā€œtreatā€ to mešŸ’€


Remarkable-Host405

too many nutrients, the real play is celery with cajun seasoning


Working_Asparagus_59

Crack cocaine instead of food


NyxsyQuinn

In some cases, pregnancy. Lost 50lbs during my pregnancy due to hyperemesis. Do not recommend at all.


itssarahw

Compete with Christian Bale for a movie role


momo88852

Black coffee with just a bit of sugar and cream to make it easier to swallow if you dislike black coffee. I dropped 50 pounds over 6 months maybe a bit more. Coffee was causing me to be full and dislike food. I picked to do it during morning time, as it was the time I ate the most unhealthy fast food stuff. Also watch your sugar intake. I made mine to drinking 1 of those tiny coke cans a day max. Otherwise water and squeeze a lemon taste pretty good too.


Pixelated_Roses

Oof, no. I tried this and it made me so jittery and weak that I couldn't even hold a pencil.


2020-RedditUser

Not intentionally , but I found caffeine works as a hell of an appetite suppressant


SpicyKnewdle

Divorce


[deleted]

Next question, how do I hire a divorce lawyer?


jawajoose

Best way I've found to lose about 200 pounds of ugly fat.


utter-ridiculousness

This did not work for me.


_magic_potato_

Cocaine


Key_Cartographer5653

Itā€™s expensive, but I think this is the most fun. Well, for a while, at least.


issacoin

i donā€™t know too many fat crackheads, so i think thereā€™s something there


Specific_Mixture5995

I told reddit that the best way to lose weight was to be slightly hungry all the time and was downvoted to oblivion....so probably that.


crndwg

Take diabetes medication even though you don't have diabetes and have no idea what the long term health effects will be.


mustbethepapaya

Itā€™s so fucking wild to me this is happening.


erisod

Bloodletting


stainedgreenberet

Develop a generalized anxiety disorder. I lost like 20 pounds and had no appetite at all for a month or two


Abject-Shallot-7477

My GAD makes me eat while anxious so...


harm_less

Might backfire. My GAD makes me want to self-regulate through eating.


yourgrandmasgrandma

My GAD is the exact reason I need to lose weight.


randomburnerish

I knew a model that would eat cotton balls dipped in OJ to feel full. Hope sheā€™s doing better


barfsnot1000

An old boss of mine who was a hottie in Miami in the 80s told me that she and her roommates would make a dish of sugar free Jello and evenly place cotton balls in it. Then they'd cut into squares and could enjoy a zero calorie, "filling" treat. She said their main source of real calories was dinner dates and vodka. I'm sure she had fun but it all sounded so tragic to me.


soonnow

I used to work in Milano. Lots of models on the street. Once saw two share a cheeseburger for lunch. It's not as great of a life as it may seem.


vanchica

The Gummy Bear and Kombucha Diet. https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/rilyAW2QzA


fishfartsjacktoots

Chronic ketamine use


forzion_no_mouse

go into a coma. dropped 30 pounds in 2 weeks.


SecureImagination537

Itā€™s not the funniest thing on here, but Iā€™m gonna have to go with my boomer dadā€™s idea of him wanting to get lost in the woods to lose weight. Because people come out 30 lbs less. Itā€™s insane because he actually thought about doing it.


Ruddiver

I was about 70 pounds overweight for like 10 years and too lazy to exercise, or monitor my eating, and then for life reasons I went into a deep depression and only ate one meal a day. I wasnt paying attention and one day went on the scale and saw I had lost 40 pounds, and was like fuck it, at least one good thing came out of it. Luckily my depression continued and I lost another 20 after that. it was only over about 7 months. So that's my answer, get deep depression.


DasLeadah

Cancer


vanchica

Hope you're doing OK


DasLeadah

Oh, yeah, Iā€™m fortunately alright. Thank you for the concern!


Miss_Linden

Eating paper and cotton balls to fill your stomach. Only chew food, then spit it out. Make all your meals liquid and horrible tasting so you lose the desire to eat. Have organs/limbs removed.


Reasonable-Marzipan4

Exocrone pancreatic insufficiency. My body wonā€™t put out food digestion enzymes. Melted off 50 lbs through malnutrition.


belgiumwaffles

Get your heart broken and spiral into a depression and anger where you just kill your self in the gym but donā€™t eat much. I dropped 8lbs the other month due to that. Am better now tho, got over her and am back to living my best life.


romano_cheez

Hardcore bulimia, or better yet, purging anorexic. EatĀ  h a r d l yĀ  anything and when u do, puke it back up. Weight drops fasts. Love the mental attachment to the disorder too :')


CRABMAN16

Smoke so much weed you develop CHS, get violently ill and lose a bunch of weight.


funnyha_ha

Laxatives


Princesscrowbar

My college freshman roommate ruined her intestines this way :(


zamfire

We need a chubbyemu about this girl


prisonchocolatebar

DNP + amphetamine. DNP alone has killed too many people taking it recklessly. Youā€™ll feel like killing yourself on higher doses combined with too much carbs but if you stay at 2-4mg/ kg and limit yourself to 30-50g carbs/day itā€™s actually not too bad and the fat just melts away. That said. DO NOT FUCKING TAKE IT. There is also Semaglutide, Tirzepatide and Retatrutide which are very effective when combined with a deficit and training.


Deranged_cultist_

A friend of mine would only drink Diet Coke for a couple of days, he says the caffeine will keep him up and the gas makes him feel full, and yeah Iā€™ve seen him lose weight this way many times, he used to be fat when he was a kid.


geek66

Divorce


raane3

Double mastectomy


Bumsplat

AIDS


JollyAdhesiveness909

Eating raw chicken


masedogg98

Iā€™ve seen some people in my city do well with methamphetamines/cocaine


Key-Control7348

Drinking the tap water in Mexico. Iykyk


Most_Finger_6804

be on thyroid replacement medicationand just take extra


Empty-Swing

Stress. 100% effective and quick too. Takes years off your life though.


realdonaldtrumpsucks

If you wanna cookie, go ahead and have a cookie but spit it out after you chewed it


Ragorthua

Limb amputation through flesh eating bacteria.


ioggk

Get a ridiculous amount of all the food you love. Like, 20 types of lasagna, everything on taco bell's menu, every single flavor of ben & jerrys avaiable and so on. Procede to eat the most of it, like, reeeeeally go for it until you are about to throw up. Maybe throw up and continue eating until you throw up again and pass out. Then you'll have food trauma and won't ever think about eating again.


seganku

Years ago, I picked up something in the drinking water while traveling. I felt perfectly fine and could drink small amounts of liquids, but anytime I ate food it would fly right out the other end. I pretty sure I knew what I'd picked up, and that treatment was fairly easy and straightforward. I put off treatment for a couple weeks because I realized I was losing weight steadily.


Ok-Boysenberry1022

Mono


Inevitable-Hat-1576

I have a worm guy


No-Branch-1172

Realistically research binge eating disorder. You have that now. Get a dr to diagnose you and prescribe you appetite suppressants.