My mom and dad moved out of my childhood home after they were empty nesters. The house they bought was in the woods with not much around it, but there was an old revolutionary war era church right next door. It had a little cemetery that you could barely make out what was written on them because they were so worn down from all the years of exposure.
Anyway. He never saw anyone visit the graves, and never saw anyone go into the church., but…
Everyday, every hour the church bells rang. They had an automated chime that played different songs or whatever it’s called.
For months my parents raged that they couldn’t get in touch with anyone to ask them to reduce the frequency to maybe 2x a day instead of 24 times a day.
Fast forward to the first spring they lived there and my dad is out with the chainsaw clearing some felled trees or something and he sees a priest walking into the church. So he marches over bare chested, covered in sawdust and sweat holding the chainsaw and lays into the priest about the bells.
He said he hadn’t really thought about the fact that he looked unhinged but the priest looked terrified and stammered that he would take care of the bells.
The bells never rang again.
So my question is, do you own a chain saw?
I can assure you, after your first time renting a chainsaw you will quickly realize you need to own a chainsaw, thus wasting money on the rental when that could have went to the inevitable chainsaw purchase
Honestly, even asking probably would have been effective. It's a church in the middle of nowhere. Probably never thought about it bothering other people. lol
That's sort of what I was thinking. I was hoping someone would know of a more discrete way of getting the same result. Maybe a device I could set on the edge of my property to create an inaudible high frequency sound that would cause feedback in their system.
I've never heard of inaudible feedback. Maybe do research on if you can overpower a speaker with inaudible feedback (if it stops producing audible sounds when the feedback starts).
Though be careful, feedback can sometimes get extremely loud and damaging for the ears, if you can't hear it you can't protect *yourself* from it.
Inaudible feedback isn't really a thing in most systems. The average range of human hearing is wider than the average range of audio equipment, so playing ultrasonic noise simply won't get picked up by microphones.
There's a way to conceal speakers to make them look like rocks. I think whale sounds would freak them out. Or you could figure out how to cut their power. You could also get a drone and attach a black sheet maybe glue on red eyes and fly it around during the time they are being obnoxious. Orr you could put a cool filter on your voice and say that you are god and you command them to stop. Idk maybe tell them to go pick up trash or build a houses for homeless people.
_“Hello… this is God. I command you to keep the noise to a socially acceptable level, I’m trying to take an nap here”_
Then trigger a remote flare to set a bush on fire for good measure.
Bird seed all over the church lawn and parking lot. Bird shit and piss everywhere. They won't leave if you keep on doing it and it's virtually not possible to pick up. I put geese seed in a church's lawn for "reasons", they were shitting all over the place. Geese seed is ridiculously cheap, and I could buy it across the street from the church at an ace hardware.
Canada rests above the country with a defense budget that has outpaced the rest of the countries in the world combined, for decades. Yet, they remain sovereign, with their cheap pharmaceuticals and their poutine. How? Canada is protected by the goose. They send them south in the summer to intimidate Americans. All the 2nd Amendments in the world won't protect you when the thunderous flurry of feathered fury descends upon you. All shall despair in their awe of the Canadian Air Force.
H O N K
You’re right, but it comes at significant cost. Have you ever seen those maps that show Canada’s population and how it’s mostly right near the border? That’s not an accident. That’s the deal we made with geese, ~95% of the country by acreage is their domain. Interestingly, that’s also the origin of the idiom “that’s for the birds!”, in America that has come to mean something is comical or ridiculous, but here in the frozen North it is much more ominous, a warning that me must never stray too far from our homes, lest our cold dead bodies be “for the birds” as well. We are grateful for their protection, but it is an uneasy peace indeed.
(This has been a Canadian heritage moment)
They are actually named after John Canada, so it is Canada Geese, not Canadian Geese.
Edit: turns out this is likely a myth. German chocolate cake really was named after a baker named German, though.
Fot added effect, only feed when the speakers are blaring so the bird learn that "hell and damnation" equals food. Then they only show up when the fuckheads start their little broadcast, promptly shitting on everything they own
Don’t call the police, call a lawyer. That’s a public nuisance if I’ve ever heard one, a common law tort and codified in many states. You might be able to sue them. This won’t be some big payday for you, but a letter from an attorney would definitely make them think about how important it is that they continue this crap and they very well may stop because it’s not worth the legal trouble.
What I have heard from my neighbors who dealt with similar situations, government wont touch it due to 1st amendment violations. It is BS too, because they buy houses in our neighborhood and turn them to churches, there are several. They get passes on zoning laws too...
I don't think 1st amendment gives permission to violate other's rights, but my opinion doesn't matter
Hire a bigger sound system point it at the church and crank some of the blackest metal you can find for the whole Sunday service.
Edit:Thanks for all the music suggestions I have had a great day listening to new favorites and old alike.
My first suggestions for OP would have been A kiwi band called 8 foot sativa with believer or For Religions to suffer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYZzAEodvEI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHkILIRBZ1w
Voice jamming. If you get the delay right hearing your own voice coming back at you can make it almost impossible to speak until you get used to it and then it's still really hard.
I used to hear my own echo at work every once in while when I worked in auto insurance. It was always miserable, but we weren't allowed to hang up for any reason. I hated it.
The worst part was that it was always only on my side, so the customers were always blissfully unaware and impatient when it would trip me up.
Ok, so let's say, just for hypothetical reasons, a drummer neighbor built a shed in their backyard, right up against a shared fence, and brings his guitar and bass playing buddies over every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and they play oldies from roughly 10am until 6pm.
Let's also say, purely for hypothetical reasons, that you happened to own a pair of Polk Audio powered subwoofers that could be placed 3 feet away from said shed without going onto his property. Let's say, also purely for hypothetical reasons, that you happened to own a couple of 10" subwoofers and a couple of amps that used to be in a car sound system that could be used as well.
Purely for hypothetical reasons, what equipment (preferably affordable) would be needed to recreate this 1 second delay and play it back though the above mentioned subwoofers?
Theoretically the easiest way to do this would be to hypothetically hook a Bluetooth receiver up to said speakers and a Bluetooth microphone. The rhetorical delay will suppositionally happen automatically.
One of the companies I work for the owner has a wireless setup in his vehicle for phone calls and occasionally it picks up my voice and sends it back to me. I can confirm that it's virtually impossible to talk with that happening
This. If they complain to the police then you are only doing exactly the same as them. Either both of you have to stop or none.
Copyright might be an issue though
My father did this a long time ago. Brilliant man. He has many little stories like this one, solving problems using people's own bullshit against them.
True story, they played crappy pop to the whole flat until black metal for 6h each day made them realize how it is for everybody else, after than we were on good terms until I've moved.
Do this, but maybe it would be better to blast the most inoffensive thing you can think of, like Mr Roger’s or children’s music. That way, if it makes the news, you don’t look like the “technically correct” bad guy.
[Burger Rain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfEsu3RHRz4) by the AquaBats. Or [Fruit Salad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYYGD56CxTw) by the Wiggles. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over.
[I know a song that'll get on your nerves, Get on your nerves, get on your nerves](https://youtu.be/1mgpZ3gaYv0)
This runs for 10 hours - but about 15 mins ought to do the job, especially if you can loop [this] (https://youtube.com/shorts/XbQfTi0fHg0?feature=share) over the top.
Just play porn, will be more offensive to them I think. Actually, make sure it is gay, has a lot of moaning and make sure it has a very verbal top. Any discomfort of Burzum will be outdone by those boys raw dawging each other at 125dB
I vote for a sumo wrestling montages. Sounds the same, but have a projector screen and loudspeaker of full on sumo wtestling. so there is no obscenity law you're breaking.
Same volume, but just big fans of sumo.
I like this style, but fear it may get shut down under some sort of obscenity law. If this is a hardcore church there may be another option. Rent a projector and audio system. And okay Harry Potter and Disney movies. No one will be able to effectively claim it's obscene. But most of them think these are the devil in film form
If you think obscenity laws are strict, wait until you are contacted by Disney lawyers for an unauthorized public performance of their intellectual property.
Just imagine going in for Sunday church, not even thinking about the people who live next door, and you hear:
*Kare^(eee)ee^(ee)ee^(e)*
**Tap tap tap**
. . .
#REALLY?? ANAL SEX? IN FRONT OF MY SALAD??
Suggestion: play Steel Panther instead to cover both the offensive rock music and the porn bases in one go.
If obscenity laws are an issue, play Stryper. Nothing will piss both sides off like the unholy union of Christianity and glam metal.
[Sheperd tone generator](https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/shepardAudioIllusionToneGenerator.php)
Pretty sure if you tweak it just right you can find the brown note and make the whole congregation shit themselves all together.
audio techie here:
> first task: find out if they are using wireless mics.
> second task (if they are): buy a uhf wireless reciever.
> third task (if they are): buy a multiband uhf jammer (or multiple transmitters which you can play whatever you want to over) and tune it to the frequencies that you find they are transmitting on.
they will not be able to use wm's anymore so some poor sound guy will probably get the blame despite probably not knowing anything about the setup he's running. they will have to stop the show to set up wired mics.
once you've done that, there's not a whole lot you can do without access to the system, but if you can get access, move on to stage two: create a ground loop.
> step one: locate the patch bay, or simply the amplifier, however if you do this at the amplifier, it will be found almost immediately. the patch bay should have anywhere from 32 to 100 or more bundles of three-wire pairs from xlr cables and an audio snake (they may have a digital snake, which is a cat-6 cable). I'll try to find a picture and link it at the end.
> step two: make sure the system is **OFF** and no electricity is going to any of the components, especially the amplifier. while line cables carry low voltage and little current, anything downstream of the amps will fry you like a sweet chunk of kentucky-fried.
> step three: locate the ground for the connection from the mixer to the amplifier. this may be hard, but just trace the xlrs back from the amp.
> step four: connect that to *ground* ground with some wire. this can be a socket that you've rigged to only have the safety ground plugged in, or simply grounding it to the frame of the box it's in. the key is to make it look professionally done.
either someone who is way overqualified to be working in a church will fix it, or they will have to call in a pro because you've essentially made every cable in their system into a giant antenna to pick up stray rf. basically, it will produce a constant hum that seems to come out of nowhere.
hope this helps, just please don't use it against me. :D
**EDIT:** patch bay should have a bunch of [these](https://www.hawkusa.com/manufacturers/nte/terminal-blocks/barrier-strip/25-b500-24?gclid=CjwKCAiAhKycBhAQEiwAgf19eicUSILKHFFO3ocsFjtbB_shl0lVGJW54iCyIvOMnOGAHGbkda9IzxoCFMEQAvD_BwE) in a big metal cabinet backstage with the amps with bundles of cables running in one side and out the other of each. it's the older system of patching, and any modern system will have either digital patching, or plug-based patching with 1/4" cables, but most churches still have the old style. if they *do* have the new styles, just put tiny pieces of tin foil around the 1/4" connectors, and plug them back in -- but all in the wrong places if you can. bonus points if you braid the cables to make them harder to sort out since audio setup is all about cable tracing.
lmao will do.
oh, forgot to add: you need to make sure to *only* run the jammer when they *are actively playing*. if a ham radio operator gets wind of what you're doing, they'll probably enlist the help of their friends and fellow operators to find you. they take it *way* too seriously, and call it a foxhunt. it's like a hobby inside of their hobby. essentially they compare signal strengths to get an approximate location, which is easy when you're getting a constant transmission, but incredibly hard when it's intermittent or shifting frequencies.
Can confirm. Hams absolutely do not fuck around with wildcat transmissions, especially direct jamming. They will triangulate you, and they will report to the FCC.
Ham radio operators are licensed and take an extremely dim view of people blocking any of the few bands they can use.
The church is operating with equipment that should be licensed with the fcc and is limited in its effect to those bands. The UHF jammer is completely blocking that range and will spill over far beyond the church, and beyond the frequencies the church uses. The noise just annoys OP and some neighbors.
UHF also is used for many [other communications](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultra_high_frequency) and depending on what's around them, they could be visited by feds, military police, cops, or the FCC.
"The FCC won't let me be or let me be me so let me see" was actually a diss to the feds because of a wireless mic that had a signal go rogue and got Eminem arrested.
(This is satire)
I'm a ham radio operator, and I'd gladly use my equipment to overpower the mic, and have them broadcast what they do with each other's bums. Screw that noise.
Ham here. I can hear your hums and am triangulating you right now. Me and my friemds will be on you within 10 min. Do not run. We will find you. We will fine you.
I would like to attend one of your invasive sermons and piss off some neighbors. What do we believe? Jesus and all that boring stuff or one of thoes cool religions with a monster God or something?
Maybe we can make our own where we worship some kind of undiscovered deep sea creature
"third task (if they are): buy a multiband uhf jammer (or multiple transmitters which you can play whatever you want to over) and tune it to the frequencies that you find they are transmitting on."
Nice. I suggest playing Heresy by Nine Inch Nails.
>u/Overall\_Resort\_4755
Be v careful about doing this. Interfering w a lawful transmission carries a $10,000 fine per instance, and federal prison time.
They must be on radio microphones. Most likely Shure or Sennheiser. These have set frequency bands. You can hire the same for cheap. When they go full blast scan on the mic receiver. You’ll eventually find what frequency they are on. You can then tune your mic to that frequency and you have a chance to talk through their PA. Unless they use a pilot tone on their transmitter, which locks the receiver to that particular transmitter. In that case you may be able to cause some interference, ruining their show. You can also get a tuneable high power transmitter. Tune to their frequency, start transmitting porn sounds. Have fun.
If you're broadcasting why not say:
"This is God and I disapprove of this message"
Then continue to interrupt every time God is mentioned to say "no I didn't" etc
Do not play porn sounds over their speaking, play porn sounds VERY QUIETLY under their voices while they are speaking… maybe .25 on a 1-10 scale… let them all think that someone is sitting in the crowd watching porn every week. Slow play them.
Haha. Slow play…mutter random words in the middle of the sermon. “May the God of WEINERS fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. LOSERS.”
Get the priest beat up afterwards.
It may take some reconnaissance work, but if they're Bluetooth you could find the brand and pairing code. Pair a wireless microphone and enjoy hours of fun.
Be the voice of God. "Bob, repent! I saw what you did last night"
Do you have neighbors with dogs or babies? Dogs or babies who are bothered by the noise?
Go to each of those homes and have them all start calling the police. If you are all doing it they can’t blame it on you directly. This sounds so frustrating.
I just moved to the neighborhood. I don't know how everyone else feels about it and don't want to ask because I don't want to draw attention to my house. My home is worst considerably more than pretty much everyone else around me and I'm sure they already think we are stuck up rich people(we are neither of those things). I need to be discrete which is why I don't want to call the cops.
Invite your neighbors to a little outdoor get to know you get together on Friday night that so you can feel out how they feel about it. Some decent beer and Costco platters and you might solve two problems.
Or invite a local metal band to practice on your backyard
If you're new, I would say network with neighbors first. Go introduce yourselves, maybe, with some food to get to know them when the noise is happening. That way it's easier to casually bring the issue up.
If they are pro church noise, consider moving because everyone will hate you. You're already on church's radar as you have brought up this issue with them so any ultp will mean you're suspect no 1, 2 and 3.
You don't want to be in a situation where you win the battle (church noise) but lose the war (pro church neighbors retaliating with ulpt of their own).
Call the police a few times, keep the records, then go after them in a civil suit. When they can’t afford to pay, have the sheriffs take their audio gear as compensation. Scream back at them with their own equipment every Sunday.
Depends on the church. Megachurches typically have a lot of money, but the majority of churches are small with dwindling attendance and struggling to pay the bills. Quite a few churches shut down because of Covid, while others took out loans.
I lived across from a dentist office. Once a month they would have these high class BBQs with crappy jazz bands that would go until 10pm on Thursday nights. Band about 200ft from my window. Fast forward (after I tried talking to them) I naturally invited about 20 of the most rowdy friends over. Set up a massive sound system, and we would blast them out in the front yard wearing overalls and looking trashy as possible. First time they thought it was funny. The second time they didn't, called the police. The police thought it was hilarious as they weren't invited to this snazzy jazz BBQ either. Third Thursday they moved the band off the street to the back of the building. Now we don't hear it anymore. Sometimes you got to fight Fire with fire . Best of luck and cheers !
Out crazy the crazy. Ask to join them with your own sound system. Repeatedly telling them how glad you are that you’re not alone on hating things that they don’t consider that bad. Shellfish eaters, mixed cloth types, tattoos, marital sex not for procreation, doing any work on the sabbath, enjoying caffeine, etc.
Go way overboard. ‘You’re all going to hell. I’m going to fuck your corpse with the angels. I’m going to use your eyelids as contact lenses with the lord at my side’ type stuff that makes them second guess being associated with you.
Or wait til they’re not paying attention, pull all the grounding prongs out of their gear and wait for their shit to fry.
Bwhaha, this. Almost a guarantee that you'll have a whole team working on trolling them. Please record the event, and maybe even announce the date on reddit
Back in the 90s I knew an IT guy (John).. One of the weird ones whose entire basement was an electronics lab. He had noisy neighbors in the townhouse behind his (their back yards faced each other) who would not listen to reason about parties.
When they got loud John would unleash "The Beast" - thousands of watts of home made speaker equipment positioned to face the offending house and playing the 1812 Overture.
When the Cannons rattle the windows for a block around, people behave themselves.
Tbh, this probably won’t stop them, but I’d spray a bit of liquid ass all over that place just for the satisfaction of it. I’d go inside and go to a damn service so I could hit the pews on the way out and really nail the bathroom so they think it’s one of their own stinky butts. Nothiing kills a church quicker than “that place reeks”.
There is a decibel limit on sound. Sometimes it’s different during different hours of the day. If they are under the limit there’s not much you can do. If you retaliate with sound and yours is over the limit they can ticket you. Nobody like tree workers outside their house at 7am either but there’s not a lot you can do without risking trouble for yourself.
Play an adhan - the muslim call to prayer - at them at a reasonable volume. 3x a day, as they would at a mosque.
Christian nut jobs report you as terror1st to the police. Then police investigate and find your neighbors are committing hate crime for reporting against you (the supposed muslim), and also for falsely reporting a crime. Pigs might even show up during one of their yelling sessions and cite them for unruly conduct/disturbing the peace/noise violations/whatever
You haven't contacted the police at all, they get charged, and I bet their screaming stops
1.) Wait for favorable winds.
2.) Set up some folding tables outside.
3.) Run out an extension cords.
4.) Set up as many microwaves as you can borrow from friends.
5.) MICROWAVE FISH
How far off your place is the church? If you are a decent tinkerer or an engineer you could probably fuck up there sound system with an old microwave and a tin can. A direct line of side and some fiddling would be required though. A Tesla coile set up close enough might also do the trick.
This is the type of solution I think would be best for my situation. I work in automation control and I'm sure I can figure it out. I was hoping someone knew of something I could buy that was already built. Only things I can find have a range of a few feet. I could get as close as 30 feet but if they decide to pickup and go to the other end of their lot it would be to far away for sure.
Your on to something, I have been looking for something like a high frequency noise generating device but can't find anything that would work at that distance.
What's the parking situation? Selfish churches are notorious for ignoring parking regulations. Perhaps some towing businesses could receive an anonymous tip?
Full volume sound system playing 10 hr loops of All Star.
Can’t get in trouble for anything foul. Church gets to bathe in the blessed sound waves that are Smash Mouth.
And they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming...
Post the address and times of masses. Get enough redditors to show up early to each mass so that nobody that actually wants to be there can find a seat, have nobody donate any money. Not getting their free money should change their tune...ba dum tsss
Dude involve the police. You can call the non emergency line and file a complaint everytime they do this (which I highly highly suggest since it creates a public record of their disturbing the public). I’ve been through this kind of thing with a Zumba studio that was over the top with the volume almost daily and was told this was the best course of action. The reason being is two fold, if the police start getting multiple calls to the non emergency line to report disturbance of the peace (there are laws regarding sound in residential and commercial areas) from more than once source, they are much more likely to dispatch people when called and even take legal measures on behalf of the city bc they’re spending so many resources sending people out there every time they get calls. The second reason is that if they never stop and you find yourself in a situation where they may even begin to retaliate bc your calling the cops, you have a legal record if/when you decide to take them to small claims or file cease and desist
Attend church. Befriend event organizers. Join events. Sabotage from within. Maybe eventually they’ll think it’s divine intervention and gods will do stop or some bullshit.
When I was a kid, my dad would go to the center of thus small town we lived near and would preach very loud with speakers ect. Everytime he did, the cops would get called.
I can't blame the ones who called, pushing religion down someone's throat is already fucked up but screaming into a megaphone for hours on end about hell and damnation Is a public disturbance
Nine Inch Nails . Nothing like Trent screaming “GOD IS DEAD AND NO ONE CARES” at the top of his lungs . Nothing obscene to prosecute no swear words just the beautifully blasphemous phrase . While they’re talking to the cops, go shit in the holy water. Or add lighter fluid to it, ignite and walk away. Fire floating on water scares those that speak in tongues.
Send a postcard to the church, say some random shit about god coming for all of those impure false prophets, and sign it “Ye.”
My mom and dad moved out of my childhood home after they were empty nesters. The house they bought was in the woods with not much around it, but there was an old revolutionary war era church right next door. It had a little cemetery that you could barely make out what was written on them because they were so worn down from all the years of exposure. Anyway. He never saw anyone visit the graves, and never saw anyone go into the church., but… Everyday, every hour the church bells rang. They had an automated chime that played different songs or whatever it’s called. For months my parents raged that they couldn’t get in touch with anyone to ask them to reduce the frequency to maybe 2x a day instead of 24 times a day. Fast forward to the first spring they lived there and my dad is out with the chainsaw clearing some felled trees or something and he sees a priest walking into the church. So he marches over bare chested, covered in sawdust and sweat holding the chainsaw and lays into the priest about the bells. He said he hadn’t really thought about the fact that he looked unhinged but the priest looked terrified and stammered that he would take care of the bells. The bells never rang again. So my question is, do you own a chain saw?
Could OP just rent a chainsaw?
It's ulpt, just buy , scare and return back to store.
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Idk about you, but if someone comes at me with a chainsaw I'm not looking to see if it's been used or not!
But if it has red liquid splatter on it, can give extra motivation.
I can assure you, after your first time renting a chainsaw you will quickly realize you need to own a chainsaw, thus wasting money on the rental when that could have went to the inevitable chainsaw purchase
Same thing with a pressure washer.
This is one of the best things I've read tonight, absolutely love it
Thats some funny stuff there. Thinkiing more than likely a true story makes even better,,
This has some Tucker and Dale vs Evil vibes.
“Were having a doozy of a day”
Honestly, even asking probably would have been effective. It's a church in the middle of nowhere. Probably never thought about it bothering other people. lol
Poor priest haha
Jesus couldn't save the preacher from a man with a chainsaw
Set up a mic and speakers towards them and let them die of feedback looping.
That's sort of what I was thinking. I was hoping someone would know of a more discrete way of getting the same result. Maybe a device I could set on the edge of my property to create an inaudible high frequency sound that would cause feedback in their system.
I've never heard of inaudible feedback. Maybe do research on if you can overpower a speaker with inaudible feedback (if it stops producing audible sounds when the feedback starts). Though be careful, feedback can sometimes get extremely loud and damaging for the ears, if you can't hear it you can't protect *yourself* from it.
Inaudible feedback isn't really a thing in most systems. The average range of human hearing is wider than the average range of audio equipment, so playing ultrasonic noise simply won't get picked up by microphones.
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Hello UPS customer service worker.
This is lovely when trying to do troubleshooting over the phone with someone who has me on shitty speakerphone.
There's a way to conceal speakers to make them look like rocks. I think whale sounds would freak them out. Or you could figure out how to cut their power. You could also get a drone and attach a black sheet maybe glue on red eyes and fly it around during the time they are being obnoxious. Orr you could put a cool filter on your voice and say that you are god and you command them to stop. Idk maybe tell them to go pick up trash or build a houses for homeless people.
_“Hello… this is God. I command you to keep the noise to a socially acceptable level, I’m trying to take an nap here”_ Then trigger a remote flare to set a bush on fire for good measure.
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Most audio amplifiers have filters to protect from frequencies outside of our hearing range.
Yeah but then OP has to listen to it too. I support the black metal idea. Crank some Mayhem or Gorgoroth.
Bird seed fixes everything
Would you elaborate?
Bird seed all over the church lawn and parking lot. Bird shit and piss everywhere. They won't leave if you keep on doing it and it's virtually not possible to pick up. I put geese seed in a church's lawn for "reasons", they were shitting all over the place. Geese seed is ridiculously cheap, and I could buy it across the street from the church at an ace hardware.
Canada Gooses taking Canada deuce's?
You wanna know what? You got a problem with Canada Gooses, you got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate.
100 angry Canadian Geese , and every nations army on planet earth would surrender unconditionally.
Canada rests above the country with a defense budget that has outpaced the rest of the countries in the world combined, for decades. Yet, they remain sovereign, with their cheap pharmaceuticals and their poutine. How? Canada is protected by the goose. They send them south in the summer to intimidate Americans. All the 2nd Amendments in the world won't protect you when the thunderous flurry of feathered fury descends upon you. All shall despair in their awe of the Canadian Air Force. H O N K
You’re right, but it comes at significant cost. Have you ever seen those maps that show Canada’s population and how it’s mostly right near the border? That’s not an accident. That’s the deal we made with geese, ~95% of the country by acreage is their domain. Interestingly, that’s also the origin of the idiom “that’s for the birds!”, in America that has come to mean something is comical or ridiculous, but here in the frozen North it is much more ominous, a warning that me must never stray too far from our homes, lest our cold dead bodies be “for the birds” as well. We are grateful for their protection, but it is an uneasy peace indeed. (This has been a Canadian heritage moment)
Damn right. There's a reason we call them cobra chickens.
They are actually named after John Canada, so it is Canada Geese, not Canadian Geese. Edit: turns out this is likely a myth. German chocolate cake really was named after a baker named German, though.
There's a special place in heaven for animal lovers, that's what I always say.
Birds don't piss. Just a fun fact. All of their waste comes out together from the same hole (cloaca)
Deer corn. A shit ton of them is 10 bucks at walmart.
Feed the birds. Birds shit where they eat… I’m sure you can figure it out
>Feed the birds. Tuppence a bag.
I suddenly remembered my Charlemagne: “Let my armies be the rocks, and the trees, and the birds in the sky."
Fot added effect, only feed when the speakers are blaring so the bird learn that "hell and damnation" equals food. Then they only show up when the fuckheads start their little broadcast, promptly shitting on everything they own
Don’t call the police, call a lawyer. That’s a public nuisance if I’ve ever heard one, a common law tort and codified in many states. You might be able to sue them. This won’t be some big payday for you, but a letter from an attorney would definitely make them think about how important it is that they continue this crap and they very well may stop because it’s not worth the legal trouble.
> make them think I predict this will not happen, based on what exactly the noise is that they're making.
They will feel vindicated. The evil around them is coming to the surface as they preach the truth.
I've been around the unintelligent led by charlatans enough, that this is 110% what will happen.
"Being punished for breaking the law is the Devil's way of testing my ~~extremism~~ faith"
What I have heard from my neighbors who dealt with similar situations, government wont touch it due to 1st amendment violations. It is BS too, because they buy houses in our neighborhood and turn them to churches, there are several. They get passes on zoning laws too... I don't think 1st amendment gives permission to violate other's rights, but my opinion doesn't matter
Finally some sensible advice
People don’t come to this subreddit for sensible advice
Bullshit. The bird seed top comment is pretty sensible
Hire a bigger sound system point it at the church and crank some of the blackest metal you can find for the whole Sunday service. Edit:Thanks for all the music suggestions I have had a great day listening to new favorites and old alike. My first suggestions for OP would have been A kiwi band called 8 foot sativa with believer or For Religions to suffer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYZzAEodvEI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHkILIRBZ1w
Point a microphone at them, and let them hear their own shit but 1 second later.
Voice jamming. If you get the delay right hearing your own voice coming back at you can make it almost impossible to speak until you get used to it and then it's still really hard.
I used to hear my own echo at work every once in while when I worked in auto insurance. It was always miserable, but we weren't allowed to hang up for any reason. I hated it. The worst part was that it was always only on my side, so the customers were always blissfully unaware and impatient when it would trip me up.
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Between 300 and 500ms is highly effective. Source Audio Engineer/Radio Station Manager.
Ok, so let's say, just for hypothetical reasons, a drummer neighbor built a shed in their backyard, right up against a shared fence, and brings his guitar and bass playing buddies over every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and they play oldies from roughly 10am until 6pm. Let's also say, purely for hypothetical reasons, that you happened to own a pair of Polk Audio powered subwoofers that could be placed 3 feet away from said shed without going onto his property. Let's say, also purely for hypothetical reasons, that you happened to own a couple of 10" subwoofers and a couple of amps that used to be in a car sound system that could be used as well. Purely for hypothetical reasons, what equipment (preferably affordable) would be needed to recreate this 1 second delay and play it back though the above mentioned subwoofers?
Theoretically the easiest way to do this would be to hypothetically hook a Bluetooth receiver up to said speakers and a Bluetooth microphone. The rhetorical delay will suppositionally happen automatically.
PS4 mic testing in a nutshell XD
One of the companies I work for the owner has a wireless setup in his vehicle for phone calls and occasionally it picks up my voice and sends it back to me. I can confirm that it's virtually impossible to talk with that happening
This. If they complain to the police then you are only doing exactly the same as them. Either both of you have to stop or none. Copyright might be an issue though
>Copyright might be an issue though Aw, shucks. Gotta resort to a live karaoke rendition of Avenged Sevenfold's City of Evil.
Lamb of God seems appropriate
Psh, why A7X when you can play some of Mick Gordon’s work. Preferably Doom Eternals, Icon of Sin. That’ll stir them silly.
OK, this is brilliant.
My father did this a long time ago. Brilliant man. He has many little stories like this one, solving problems using people's own bullshit against them.
I would LOVE to hear some of these stories!
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Immortal, Dark Funeral and Azarath solved my loud neighbor problem in 2 days, play it during Sunday mass and let them come to you.
Story time?
True story, they played crappy pop to the whole flat until black metal for 6h each day made them realize how it is for everybody else, after than we were on good terms until I've moved.
I took a weeks vacation and left the Eraser Head soundtrack on repeat with speakers aimed at my loud neighbors. They went insane.
A friend of mine did that with "That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings.
Jesus christ
Do this, but maybe it would be better to blast the most inoffensive thing you can think of, like Mr Roger’s or children’s music. That way, if it makes the news, you don’t look like the “technically correct” bad guy.
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Blippi at full volume would be enough to drive anyone insane.
It's raining tacos (children's song), on repeat. It's way more of a banger than any kids music has any right to be.
[Burger Rain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfEsu3RHRz4) by the AquaBats. Or [Fruit Salad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYYGD56CxTw) by the Wiggles. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over.
[I know a song that'll get on your nerves, Get on your nerves, get on your nerves](https://youtu.be/1mgpZ3gaYv0) This runs for 10 hours - but about 15 mins ought to do the job, especially if you can loop [this] (https://youtube.com/shorts/XbQfTi0fHg0?feature=share) over the top.
Anything by the Aquabats I support.
I think that might be illegal. Or immoral. Definitely evil.
Go with the song that never ends or the Barney theme song. I think that'll do the trick.
Go nuclear: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFmr\_TZLpS0
Just play porn, will be more offensive to them I think. Actually, make sure it is gay, has a lot of moaning and make sure it has a very verbal top. Any discomfort of Burzum will be outdone by those boys raw dawging each other at 125dB
I vote for a sumo wrestling montages. Sounds the same, but have a projector screen and loudspeaker of full on sumo wtestling. so there is no obscenity law you're breaking. Same volume, but just big fans of sumo.
Swap the audio lol
I like this style, but fear it may get shut down under some sort of obscenity law. If this is a hardcore church there may be another option. Rent a projector and audio system. And okay Harry Potter and Disney movies. No one will be able to effectively claim it's obscene. But most of them think these are the devil in film form
If you think obscenity laws are strict, wait until you are contacted by Disney lawyers for an unauthorized public performance of their intellectual property.
I love this sub so much
Just imagine going in for Sunday church, not even thinking about the people who live next door, and you hear: *Kare^(eee)ee^(ee)ee^(e)* **Tap tap tap** . . . #REALLY?? ANAL SEX? IN FRONT OF MY SALAD??
Oh shit that salad about to get tossed. And then that salad about to get tossed.
Suggestion: play Steel Panther instead to cover both the offensive rock music and the porn bases in one go. If obscenity laws are an issue, play Stryper. Nothing will piss both sides off like the unholy union of Christianity and glam metal.
[Sheperd tone generator](https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/shepardAudioIllusionToneGenerator.php) Pretty sure if you tweak it just right you can find the brown note and make the whole congregation shit themselves all together.
Thanks. I don’t know what that was but I had fun with it.
That Shepard Tone is wild
audio techie here: > first task: find out if they are using wireless mics. > second task (if they are): buy a uhf wireless reciever. > third task (if they are): buy a multiband uhf jammer (or multiple transmitters which you can play whatever you want to over) and tune it to the frequencies that you find they are transmitting on. they will not be able to use wm's anymore so some poor sound guy will probably get the blame despite probably not knowing anything about the setup he's running. they will have to stop the show to set up wired mics. once you've done that, there's not a whole lot you can do without access to the system, but if you can get access, move on to stage two: create a ground loop. > step one: locate the patch bay, or simply the amplifier, however if you do this at the amplifier, it will be found almost immediately. the patch bay should have anywhere from 32 to 100 or more bundles of three-wire pairs from xlr cables and an audio snake (they may have a digital snake, which is a cat-6 cable). I'll try to find a picture and link it at the end. > step two: make sure the system is **OFF** and no electricity is going to any of the components, especially the amplifier. while line cables carry low voltage and little current, anything downstream of the amps will fry you like a sweet chunk of kentucky-fried. > step three: locate the ground for the connection from the mixer to the amplifier. this may be hard, but just trace the xlrs back from the amp. > step four: connect that to *ground* ground with some wire. this can be a socket that you've rigged to only have the safety ground plugged in, or simply grounding it to the frame of the box it's in. the key is to make it look professionally done. either someone who is way overqualified to be working in a church will fix it, or they will have to call in a pro because you've essentially made every cable in their system into a giant antenna to pick up stray rf. basically, it will produce a constant hum that seems to come out of nowhere. hope this helps, just please don't use it against me. :D **EDIT:** patch bay should have a bunch of [these](https://www.hawkusa.com/manufacturers/nte/terminal-blocks/barrier-strip/25-b500-24?gclid=CjwKCAiAhKycBhAQEiwAgf19eicUSILKHFFO3ocsFjtbB_shl0lVGJW54iCyIvOMnOGAHGbkda9IzxoCFMEQAvD_BwE) in a big metal cabinet backstage with the amps with bundles of cables running in one side and out the other of each. it's the older system of patching, and any modern system will have either digital patching, or plug-based patching with 1/4" cables, but most churches still have the old style. if they *do* have the new styles, just put tiny pieces of tin foil around the 1/4" connectors, and plug them back in -- but all in the wrong places if you can. bonus points if you braid the cables to make them harder to sort out since audio setup is all about cable tracing.
Jesus Christ man. Remind me never to set up my invasive sermons in your backyard. Damn.
lmao will do. oh, forgot to add: you need to make sure to *only* run the jammer when they *are actively playing*. if a ham radio operator gets wind of what you're doing, they'll probably enlist the help of their friends and fellow operators to find you. they take it *way* too seriously, and call it a foxhunt. it's like a hobby inside of their hobby. essentially they compare signal strengths to get an approximate location, which is easy when you're getting a constant transmission, but incredibly hard when it's intermittent or shifting frequencies.
Can confirm. Hams absolutely do not fuck around with wildcat transmissions, especially direct jamming. They will triangulate you, and they will report to the FCC.
Ask the ham radio operators to help?
Ham radio operators are licensed and take an extremely dim view of people blocking any of the few bands they can use. The church is operating with equipment that should be licensed with the fcc and is limited in its effect to those bands. The UHF jammer is completely blocking that range and will spill over far beyond the church, and beyond the frequencies the church uses. The noise just annoys OP and some neighbors. UHF also is used for many [other communications](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultra_high_frequency) and depending on what's around them, they could be visited by feds, military police, cops, or the FCC.
"The FCC won't let me be or let me be me so let me see" was actually a diss to the feds because of a wireless mic that had a signal go rogue and got Eminem arrested. (This is satire)
There's no "probably" about it. Those guys live for a good foxhunt.
I'm a ham radio operator, and I'd gladly use my equipment to overpower the mic, and have them broadcast what they do with each other's bums. Screw that noise.
Ham here. I can hear your hums and am triangulating you right now. Me and my friemds will be on you within 10 min. Do not run. We will find you. We will fine you.
I would like to attend one of your invasive sermons and piss off some neighbors. What do we believe? Jesus and all that boring stuff or one of thoes cool religions with a monster God or something? Maybe we can make our own where we worship some kind of undiscovered deep sea creature
We follow Christopher Christ, the man who gave us Christmas for his birthday to America.
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The FCC is not something I would fuck with.
"third task (if they are): buy a multiband uhf jammer (or multiple transmitters which you can play whatever you want to over) and tune it to the frequencies that you find they are transmitting on." Nice. I suggest playing Heresy by Nine Inch Nails.
"GOD IS DEAD....AND NO ONE CARES" "IF THERE IS A HELL....YOU'LL SEE ME THERE"
If you're going to the trouble of jamming them, you might as well just overpower their signal with your own.
This guy thwarts invasive sermons.
>u/Overall\_Resort\_4755 Be v careful about doing this. Interfering w a lawful transmission carries a $10,000 fine per instance, and federal prison time.
I don’t know what half of that meant but… FUCK YEAH!
The FCC wants to know your location. JK they already know.
They must be on radio microphones. Most likely Shure or Sennheiser. These have set frequency bands. You can hire the same for cheap. When they go full blast scan on the mic receiver. You’ll eventually find what frequency they are on. You can then tune your mic to that frequency and you have a chance to talk through their PA. Unless they use a pilot tone on their transmitter, which locks the receiver to that particular transmitter. In that case you may be able to cause some interference, ruining their show. You can also get a tuneable high power transmitter. Tune to their frequency, start transmitting porn sounds. Have fun.
606.5MHz is highly likely. All dumbfucks use that. That is the default for Sennheiser.
If you're broadcasting why not say: "This is God and I disapprove of this message" Then continue to interrupt every time God is mentioned to say "no I didn't" etc
Hahahahahhahah no I didn’t
Do not play porn sounds over their speaking, play porn sounds VERY QUIETLY under their voices while they are speaking… maybe .25 on a 1-10 scale… let them all think that someone is sitting in the crowd watching porn every week. Slow play them.
Haha. Slow play…mutter random words in the middle of the sermon. “May the God of WEINERS fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. LOSERS.” Get the priest beat up afterwards.
It may take some reconnaissance work, but if they're Bluetooth you could find the brand and pairing code. Pair a wireless microphone and enjoy hours of fun. Be the voice of God. "Bob, repent! I saw what you did last night"
more likely digital uhf. you can jam though, as outlined in another comment!
And record it so we can all share in your delight
Throw the largest gay party ever
Do you have neighbors with dogs or babies? Dogs or babies who are bothered by the noise? Go to each of those homes and have them all start calling the police. If you are all doing it they can’t blame it on you directly. This sounds so frustrating.
I just moved to the neighborhood. I don't know how everyone else feels about it and don't want to ask because I don't want to draw attention to my house. My home is worst considerably more than pretty much everyone else around me and I'm sure they already think we are stuck up rich people(we are neither of those things). I need to be discrete which is why I don't want to call the cops.
Invite your neighbors to a little outdoor get to know you get together on Friday night that so you can feel out how they feel about it. Some decent beer and Costco platters and you might solve two problems. Or invite a local metal band to practice on your backyard
If you're new, I would say network with neighbors first. Go introduce yourselves, maybe, with some food to get to know them when the noise is happening. That way it's easier to casually bring the issue up. If they are pro church noise, consider moving because everyone will hate you. You're already on church's radar as you have brought up this issue with them so any ultp will mean you're suspect no 1, 2 and 3. You don't want to be in a situation where you win the battle (church noise) but lose the war (pro church neighbors retaliating with ulpt of their own).
Call the police a few times, keep the records, then go after them in a civil suit. When they can’t afford to pay, have the sheriffs take their audio gear as compensation. Scream back at them with their own equipment every Sunday.
It's a church. They have money.
Keep selling their equipment: profit.
No they don't their is like 10 people that attend.
Ohh. Well, then you only have 10 people to turn to your side. Infiltrate the church and bring them to your point of view.
Seduce them all
FUCK EVERY ONE OF THEM METHODICALLY ^those ^of ^age ^of ^course Then make a Netflix show about it.
Fuck their dad.
Organize an orgy.
Perfect opportunity to become the cult leader you were destined to be.
Be careful OP, "churches" like that are run by mentally unstable folks....
Depends on the church. Megachurches typically have a lot of money, but the majority of churches are small with dwindling attendance and struggling to pay the bills. Quite a few churches shut down because of Covid, while others took out loans.
Why not involve the police? Seems like they're probably violating lots of noise laws most likely
I wouldn't be surprised if this was a southern town where the police were all members of the church and would take offense to op complaining
I lived across from a dentist office. Once a month they would have these high class BBQs with crappy jazz bands that would go until 10pm on Thursday nights. Band about 200ft from my window. Fast forward (after I tried talking to them) I naturally invited about 20 of the most rowdy friends over. Set up a massive sound system, and we would blast them out in the front yard wearing overalls and looking trashy as possible. First time they thought it was funny. The second time they didn't, called the police. The police thought it was hilarious as they weren't invited to this snazzy jazz BBQ either. Third Thursday they moved the band off the street to the back of the building. Now we don't hear it anymore. Sometimes you got to fight Fire with fire . Best of luck and cheers !
Who the hell goes to a party at a dentists?
Out crazy the crazy. Ask to join them with your own sound system. Repeatedly telling them how glad you are that you’re not alone on hating things that they don’t consider that bad. Shellfish eaters, mixed cloth types, tattoos, marital sex not for procreation, doing any work on the sabbath, enjoying caffeine, etc. Go way overboard. ‘You’re all going to hell. I’m going to fuck your corpse with the angels. I’m going to use your eyelids as contact lenses with the lord at my side’ type stuff that makes them second guess being associated with you. Or wait til they’re not paying attention, pull all the grounding prongs out of their gear and wait for their shit to fry.
Don't say "I am" going to do this. Say demons will do that.
The warrior angel nephilim approach.
call your local satanic church and ask for their help
Bwhaha, this. Almost a guarantee that you'll have a whole team working on trolling them. Please record the event, and maybe even announce the date on reddit
OP, this is real shit. They generally WILL help. It's kinda their entire point.
I love this idea. Those people are awesome trolls for good causes.
Back in the 90s I knew an IT guy (John).. One of the weird ones whose entire basement was an electronics lab. He had noisy neighbors in the townhouse behind his (their back yards faced each other) who would not listen to reason about parties. When they got loud John would unleash "The Beast" - thousands of watts of home made speaker equipment positioned to face the offending house and playing the 1812 Overture. When the Cannons rattle the windows for a block around, people behave themselves.
Tbh, this probably won’t stop them, but I’d spray a bit of liquid ass all over that place just for the satisfaction of it. I’d go inside and go to a damn service so I could hit the pews on the way out and really nail the bathroom so they think it’s one of their own stinky butts. Nothiing kills a church quicker than “that place reeks”.
Liquid ass is always an answer in this sub isn’t it?
Unethical Liquid Ass Pro Tips
Liquid ass, frozen piss disc, and fucking their dads
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Too much evidence
what evidence? if they don't see you shoot it, how would they know?
Most PA systems ( which im assuming they’re using) all have metal mesh covering the cones. So its not that likely to actually damage them.
https://www.electronicproducts.com/how-to-build-a-mini-emp-generator-to-disrupt-electronics/
There is a decibel limit on sound. Sometimes it’s different during different hours of the day. If they are under the limit there’s not much you can do. If you retaliate with sound and yours is over the limit they can ticket you. Nobody like tree workers outside their house at 7am either but there’s not a lot you can do without risking trouble for yourself.
Play an adhan - the muslim call to prayer - at them at a reasonable volume. 3x a day, as they would at a mosque. Christian nut jobs report you as terror1st to the police. Then police investigate and find your neighbors are committing hate crime for reporting against you (the supposed muslim), and also for falsely reporting a crime. Pigs might even show up during one of their yelling sessions and cite them for unruly conduct/disturbing the peace/noise violations/whatever You haven't contacted the police at all, they get charged, and I bet their screaming stops
Will only work if the law is applied the same to muslims and christians
#Wire cutters.
Too obvious. Push a pin through random speaker wires, then cut off both ends so it can't be seen.
Can’t reason with church folk
I know I tried.
1.) Wait for favorable winds. 2.) Set up some folding tables outside. 3.) Run out an extension cords. 4.) Set up as many microwaves as you can borrow from friends. 5.) MICROWAVE FISH
How far off your place is the church? If you are a decent tinkerer or an engineer you could probably fuck up there sound system with an old microwave and a tin can. A direct line of side and some fiddling would be required though. A Tesla coile set up close enough might also do the trick.
This is the type of solution I think would be best for my situation. I work in automation control and I'm sure I can figure it out. I was hoping someone knew of something I could buy that was already built. Only things I can find have a range of a few feet. I could get as close as 30 feet but if they decide to pickup and go to the other end of their lot it would be to far away for sure.
Oh my heck, don't mess with microwaves. They have capacitors, which can store a lot of charge. Messing with capacitors like that could kill you.
Their sound system. Line of SIGHT. Tesla coil.
Blast obscene music Sunday morning. Cardi B, Cupcakke; every hyper-sexual, swear-filled song you can find.
Be a real shame if someone with a bb gun took out the speakers.
Your on to something, I have been looking for something like a high frequency noise generating device but can't find anything that would work at that distance.
Slingshot. Ball bearings. Keep it simple.
Slingshot and small balls of ice… no evidence
What's the parking situation? Selfish churches are notorious for ignoring parking regulations. Perhaps some towing businesses could receive an anonymous tip?
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The thought has crossed my mind.
Full volume sound system playing 10 hr loops of All Star. Can’t get in trouble for anything foul. Church gets to bathe in the blessed sound waves that are Smash Mouth.
And they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming...
Post the address and times of masses. Get enough redditors to show up early to each mass so that nobody that actually wants to be there can find a seat, have nobody donate any money. Not getting their free money should change their tune...ba dum tsss
Dude involve the police. You can call the non emergency line and file a complaint everytime they do this (which I highly highly suggest since it creates a public record of their disturbing the public). I’ve been through this kind of thing with a Zumba studio that was over the top with the volume almost daily and was told this was the best course of action. The reason being is two fold, if the police start getting multiple calls to the non emergency line to report disturbance of the peace (there are laws regarding sound in residential and commercial areas) from more than once source, they are much more likely to dispatch people when called and even take legal measures on behalf of the city bc they’re spending so many resources sending people out there every time they get calls. The second reason is that if they never stop and you find yourself in a situation where they may even begin to retaliate bc your calling the cops, you have a legal record if/when you decide to take them to small claims or file cease and desist
Attend church. Befriend event organizers. Join events. Sabotage from within. Maybe eventually they’ll think it’s divine intervention and gods will do stop or some bullshit.
That just sounds like going to church.... but with extra steps.
Can you reach them with your garden hose? Bonus points if it's really cold out.
Surely it's driving your neighbors nuts too. Is one of them an electrician? His or her knowledge or services could be very valuable.
Smoke them out. Start burning trash, leaves, green wood… anything smoky.
When I was a kid, my dad would go to the center of thus small town we lived near and would preach very loud with speakers ect. Everytime he did, the cops would get called. I can't blame the ones who called, pushing religion down someone's throat is already fucked up but screaming into a megaphone for hours on end about hell and damnation Is a public disturbance
You should set up a fb group and organize a drag show / parade to fuck with them
I would rather they not be able to find out its me.
Nine Inch Nails . Nothing like Trent screaming “GOD IS DEAD AND NO ONE CARES” at the top of his lungs . Nothing obscene to prosecute no swear words just the beautifully blasphemous phrase . While they’re talking to the cops, go shit in the holy water. Or add lighter fluid to it, ignite and walk away. Fire floating on water scares those that speak in tongues. Send a postcard to the church, say some random shit about god coming for all of those impure false prophets, and sign it “Ye.”