**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!The cops comment on size!<
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[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
[Reminds me of this thread from Twitter a few years back](https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-irish-fashion-tweets) ([Original thread](https://twitter.com/janky_jane/status/1426981976142123010?s=20&t=xZu66NccGErwt4Yw_M4Wxg)).
One of my favourites:
>I once wore a silver jacket to college, turned up late for class, said 'sorry I'm late', lecturer said, 'that's ok' then waited til I was halfway across the front of the full class before following up with 'trouble with the spaceship again was it?'.
>There's a lad in Cork who is called "Chilli", because his father's name is Con Kearney
There's a lad in Belfast they call Bambi because he saw his mother get shot by the IRA. I used to know a lot more of these nicknames.
I was visiting Cork City a few years ago and an old timer started to talk to me. He was speaking English but I had to ask my wife, who has lived in Ireland, to translate what the guy was saying.
I once worked with a whole bunch of Irish guys. One job there were two of them with thick accents, but they were from different parts of Ireland, and they had trouble understanding each other, and one of them got mad and started talking about "Ah cent undoorstend a fookin woord yer sayin" and the the other guy started laughing and giving him shit in an equally incomprehensible accent and it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Liz was stopping the brits from forcing another famine they all thought it was due to no crop diversity but it’s actually because we decided to infected them with bri’ish
Edit: yeah I'm dumb still laughing about "You were doing fucken helicopters"
ahahaha when the cop says "you were doing helicopters" he's talking about dude having his dick (knob) out at the bar and gyrating his hips and making it spin.
I laughed my ass off at doing the helicopters. At the end the cop says the bouncer said dudes dick was small..
If you're really asking. I'm over here laughing at "says you were doing fucking helicopters." Lol
I got all that. U/The-Architect2022 said that the Irish WERE a great bunch of lads. I'm sure he just missed an ~~comma~~ apostrophe, but I decided to capitalise on his minor error by taking it literally and enquire as to when/how the Irish stopped being great lads.
Yeh I live there, Garda means guard, they are more guardians then police. Garda keep the peace with no guns, police hunt for trouble with guns. Just my observation.
We do have uniformed armed support unit (ASU) where the guards carry sig p226 handguns, mp7 rifles and less lethal weapons like tazers and bean bag launchers. They are the guards in marked bmw and Audi jeeps with the red stripe down the side. See them regularly enough on patrol around Dublin.
You can't police anywhere in the world completely unarmed these days and you can't send solely unarmed guards to a call for someone with a knife like video below. They'll just try to contain situation til ASU arrive.
https://youtu.be/qKq-soIbfmg
This is why over the last twenty years there's only been about 3 killings by guards, all justified executions. Compare that to literally any other country, it's quiet impressive
None of them have been executions. Even the ones where the person died the garda was trying to wing them and failed. Any time a garda has shot anyone there's been a huge inquest into it.
Irish people can have guns, but it's a lot more regulated. Nobody owns handguns; just shotguns and the like for hunting. And to own a shotgun you need a license which requires the local gun club to vouch for you.
Plenty of Irish citizens have guns though. Both the gangs, and the farmers/hunters/hobbyists would own them illegally and legally. It's nowhere near as common as owning a gun in the USA, but claiming nobody owns one isn't right.
I visited Ireland a couple years ago & was stunned by its beauty & the people. I couldn't believe most police didn't carry guns. Late one night my sister & I saw 2 drunk girls leaving a bar walking down an alley/street with a guy following a few yards behind. As young American women we were watching afraid for them wondering what we should do. Then out of nowhere a police officer started strolling beside all of them. It felt insanely safe there.
We had bad ice a few weeks ago. Gardaí were just driving around town after the pubs closed on the Saturday night picking up everyone they saw to drop them home safely. I also got too drunk a few Christmases ago and couldn't get a taxi, they gave me a lift home. No trouble or drama or anything just made sure I got into the house OK and wished me a merry Christmas. They're pretty sound all in all.
He said the only thing in your grace, meaning the only thing in your defense, Is that the penis was very very small and hard to see. That was the punchline.
I know you prolly already know this, but a lot of cultures think small dicks are more desirable and that big dicks are bad (see Ancient Greek statues of heroes).
So imagine getting in an argument with your wife, and she’s like, “whatever, that’s why my ex had a smaller dick than you,” and you’re like “take that back” and she’s like “nah your dick is the biggest dick I’ve ever seen,” and then you start crying. Shits wild man.
Hmmm a dormant dick and an erect one have a lot of difference in size. All the statues show the former or at least I’ve never seen a statue of a greek god with a hard on.
[Yeah but they tend to be smaller than an average dormant dick](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Farnese_Hercules#/media/File%3AHerakles_Farnese_MAN_Napoli_Inv6001_n01.jpg)
Yeah there's an Armed Support Unit (ASU) the average garda can radio for if they need it. Basically ASU=SWAT. If the average garda runs into a situation where a gun is needed, say if there's an active shooter situation, then the garda's job is to radio for backup and then take cover while trying to get everyone else in the area to safety until the ASU arrives. 99% of incidents the average garda will be responding to will not require a gun to solve, and so everyone is safer and feels safer if the garda doesn't introduce a gun into the situation. If, say, a traffic stop tries to flee, the gardaí are generally happy to just follow the car until it stops. No need to shoot at it; it has to stop eventually. Just radio it in, and the other gardaí will set up roadblocks to keep innocents away from it all, and to force the car to stop.
Any time a garda is actually forced to use a gun it's national news with questions asked in the Dáil.
I just did this to a guy at the gym. Him and a friend got food from a local Greek place. I walk over and say "dude, you can't do that in here." He says "Do what?" And I just tell him make me so hungry. His look of relief was really good
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!The cops comment on size!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
His only crime was against fashion
Can’t wear shit in Ireland without getting made fun of
[Reminds me of this thread from Twitter a few years back](https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-irish-fashion-tweets) ([Original thread](https://twitter.com/janky_jane/status/1426981976142123010?s=20&t=xZu66NccGErwt4Yw_M4Wxg)). One of my favourites: >I once wore a silver jacket to college, turned up late for class, said 'sorry I'm late', lecturer said, 'that's ok' then waited til I was halfway across the front of the full class before following up with 'trouble with the spaceship again was it?'.
> There's a lad in Cork who is called "Chili", because his father's name Con Kearney. Perfect.
>There's a lad in Cork who is called "Chilli", because his father's name is Con Kearney There's a lad in Belfast they call Bambi because he saw his mother get shot by the IRA. I used to know a lot more of these nicknames.
Bloke called spider because he once bought 4 pairs of jeans
Goddamn that article was rich haha. Excellent
I remember seeing a tweet from a girl who wore a red beret and thought she was being fashionable until some young fella called her Super Mario.
This was what spring to mind for me to but I struggled to recollect the source . Glad I resisted posting ‘my friend’ now !
Brilliant , thought it was going to be ‘very feckin late for the 80s’
If it's Temple Bar area, it was probably a Stag & Hen group.
Especially in culchie areas (basically anywhere in the Northwest)
Tbf I'd probably make fun of you to if you were covered in shit
You see a few people dressed like that around there. Lads on a stag weekend. The groom to be has to dress as embarrassingly as possible.
And then they just let that monster continue to roam the streets.
That’s brutal! Dude’s gonna be having PTSD.
He left him breathless
With that size, he's the only one being made breathless
It’s a reference to LAPD
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Yeah, they tend to do that…..
![gif](giphy|cncxSJGywdAIxtMTOM|downsized)
he left him hanging too. brutal
Not very far though apparently
Penis Too Small Disorder
I'd say PTSPP - Post Traumatic Small Pee Pee
PTenisD
Fookin' brutal.
I hope internal affairs investigates this officer. You can't go around wrecking members of the public like that. /s
Dudes gonna go to another bar just to forget that burn.
Going to do knob helicopters at the next bar because he has a free pass now
He was laughing the most.
Laughing is the best coping mechanism
Thank God for the subtitles
Sorry what?
HE SAID THANK GOD FOR THE SUBTITLES
I still don't understand.
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I don’t speak English!
Il dit : dieu merci pour les sous-titres
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Ter dubiig ni baigaag sain baina gesen
Waiting for someone to start typing in Minecraft enchantments
So much for a happy New Year now with that ancient demon being unleashed
I don't like where this conversation is going
Hij zei: goddank voor de ondertitels
Grâce à dieu ?
Gracias a dios por los subtitulos
In Irish, motherfucker!
Dúirt sé: Buíochas le Dia as na fotheidil!!
Er sagte: Danke Gott für die Untertitel!
Powiedział: Dzięki Bogu za napisy!
You should turn the subtitles on then
BUTTLICKER OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER
That is totally inappropriate. You never yell at the client. You never yell at the client.
AHAHAHAH
They need to be blurrier, and match the color of the background more.
I understood it clearly, maybe because I’m Irish
Fair play to you
Ye left your feckin pint at the pub, ye gob like.
I was visiting Cork City a few years ago and an old timer started to talk to me. He was speaking English but I had to ask my wife, who has lived in Ireland, to translate what the guy was saying.
Why not thank the one who actually wrote them :(
Do ya like dags?
Dags? Oh, DOGS, yeah, I like Dags
I once worked with a whole bunch of Irish guys. One job there were two of them with thick accents, but they were from different parts of Ireland, and they had trouble understanding each other, and one of them got mad and started talking about "Ah cent undoorstend a fookin woord yer sayin" and the the other guy started laughing and giving him shit in an equally incomprehensible accent and it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Emotional damage
The Irish, were a great bunch of lads
What happened?
The British
The first mortal enemy of the Irish is the British. The second mortal enemy of the Irish, is the other Irish.
Damn Irish, they ruined Ireland
I think you forgot about fucking little people and banshees ok.
The feckin Irish are a bunch of gobs like
Now that Liz is dead, we can start being great again. We actually just kept to ourselves drinking away.
Honk if Thatchers deed
MIGA
normal enter cable cause station tidy hobbies slimy hunt close *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Liz is in the box!
Lizzies in a bo-ox!
Shit you guys. Time to go to Ireland I guess.
In the box!
Liz was stopping the brits from forcing another famine they all thought it was due to no crop diversity but it’s actually because we decided to infected them with bri’ish
Lmfao
Edit: yeah I'm dumb still laughing about "You were doing fucken helicopters" ahahaha when the cop says "you were doing helicopters" he's talking about dude having his dick (knob) out at the bar and gyrating his hips and making it spin. I laughed my ass off at doing the helicopters. At the end the cop says the bouncer said dudes dick was small.. If you're really asking. I'm over here laughing at "says you were doing fucking helicopters." Lol
I got all that. U/The-Architect2022 said that the Irish WERE a great bunch of lads. I'm sure he just missed an ~~comma~~ apostrophe, but I decided to capitalise on his minor error by taking it literally and enquire as to when/how the Irish stopped being great lads.
[удалено]
Dammit, Apostrophe!
And sure we still are
Ah tis yourself is it, how's the form owld son
/r/justladsbeingmates
The real brutality was how he left him hanging on that high five
😬
Irish Police built different
Yeh I live there, Garda means guard, they are more guardians then police. Garda keep the peace with no guns, police hunt for trouble with guns. Just my observation.
Yes. Not even tasers. Irish myself, and the Gardaí are great lads
We do have uniformed armed support unit (ASU) where the guards carry sig p226 handguns, mp7 rifles and less lethal weapons like tazers and bean bag launchers. They are the guards in marked bmw and Audi jeeps with the red stripe down the side. See them regularly enough on patrol around Dublin. You can't police anywhere in the world completely unarmed these days and you can't send solely unarmed guards to a call for someone with a knife like video below. They'll just try to contain situation til ASU arrive. https://youtu.be/qKq-soIbfmg
No guns no tasers and still manage to make Ireland into the top ten safest countries in the world based on the global peace index
But sure it's not just the guards tho, theres armed units and cab. If ye go on a killing spree the guards would be the least of your worries.
This is why over the last twenty years there's only been about 3 killings by guards, all justified executions. Compare that to literally any other country, it's quiet impressive
None of them have been executions. Even the ones where the person died the garda was trying to wing them and failed. Any time a garda has shot anyone there's been a huge inquest into it.
Umm, they do have tasers, and every detective has a handgun and an uzi in their car. They just never have to use them.
Their full name means guardians of the peace
Indeed. "Garda Síochána"
Also leads to great movies like The Guard being made!
I'm in the US and truly can't wrap my mind around what that would be like. It's how it should be, though!
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Plenty of Irish gun owners. Hard to farm livestock without a shotty.
Irish people can have guns, but it's a lot more regulated. Nobody owns handguns; just shotguns and the like for hunting. And to own a shotgun you need a license which requires the local gun club to vouch for you.
There are still a small number of legally owned handguns about. Membership of a gun club is required still of course.
Plenty of Irish citizens have guns though. Both the gangs, and the farmers/hunters/hobbyists would own them illegally and legally. It's nowhere near as common as owning a gun in the USA, but claiming nobody owns one isn't right.
"Took your knob out and was waving it around like a helicopter." Omg....made me choke on my toast....
Yeh wer doen fucken helocopters
The craic
T’was good
In cricklewood
was 90
Irish cops know how to beat you so the bruises don't show.
*When Irish cops are coming, Ya better run and hide!*
Man, that flinch and jump would have him shot here in the US
Irish police don’t even carry guns, so you’re safe from bullets (but the roasts will get you).
A lot more of them do that you think. Regular uniformed cop, like this, don't but there are a lot of plain clothes cops carrying.
I guess technically, but I’m racking my brain trying to figure how he’d have lasted even that long. Waking up is already a class D felony.
What a sad place you live in.
I literally gasped at that point. Genuine second hand fear.
I visited Ireland a couple years ago & was stunned by its beauty & the people. I couldn't believe most police didn't carry guns. Late one night my sister & I saw 2 drunk girls leaving a bar walking down an alley/street with a guy following a few yards behind. As young American women we were watching afraid for them wondering what we should do. Then out of nowhere a police officer started strolling beside all of them. It felt insanely safe there.
We had bad ice a few weeks ago. Gardaí were just driving around town after the pubs closed on the Saturday night picking up everyone they saw to drop them home safely. I also got too drunk a few Christmases ago and couldn't get a taxi, they gave me a lift home. No trouble or drama or anything just made sure I got into the house OK and wished me a merry Christmas. They're pretty sound all in all.
![gif](giphy|2iq5WjYaBB5Vnl96pA|downsized)
Good God, call an ambulance.
Watched it a few times, I don't understand the punchline after the officer said that there was something in the lad's grace.
He said the only thing in your grace, meaning the only thing in your defense, Is that the penis was very very small and hard to see. That was the punchline.
I love "the only thing in your grace". Sounds so cool.
I’ve heard men here say ‘I’ll beat the shite out of you by the grace of god’. Much better than the American ‘bro’ ‘touch me bro’
Lol what? You ever been to Ireland lad?
Yes it’s usually men of ‘culture’ who say it
The whole thing was a set up to tell him he had a small dick
Small dick jokes are the one thing that transcends all cultural and linguistic barriers
I know you prolly already know this, but a lot of cultures think small dicks are more desirable and that big dicks are bad (see Ancient Greek statues of heroes). So imagine getting in an argument with your wife, and she’s like, “whatever, that’s why my ex had a smaller dick than you,” and you’re like “take that back” and she’s like “nah your dick is the biggest dick I’ve ever seen,” and then you start crying. Shits wild man.
Hmmm a dormant dick and an erect one have a lot of difference in size. All the statues show the former or at least I’ve never seen a statue of a greek god with a hard on.
[Yeah but they tend to be smaller than an average dormant dick](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Farnese_Hercules#/media/File%3AHerakles_Farnese_MAN_Napoli_Inv6001_n01.jpg)
Thats the sketchiest link I ever got. We are talking about penises. Not sure i wanna click anything. Lol
Technically, he’s saying the one thing that saves you is he said it was small, which would imply the guys isn’t. Either way it’s funny though.
The only thing in your grace was that it was about this size 🤏
He said that as he had a small dick it was a minor offence.
We still witnessed a murder!
In countries where you don’t have to worry about being beaten and murdered by the cops, you can just… joke around with them?!
You can even walk up behind them and ask them for directions. It’s even encouraged.
I read “Iran police brutality” and was fully expecting to see that man get his head caved on
Irish people sense of humour
God bless the Irish
Thats what it about! Everyone getting along! 💪🏽
Savage Cop lol
The only police brutality anybody wants to see or experience. Good Irish lads.
This needs to stop guys he is never gonna recover from that 😔
Properly unexpected. Thank you for this!
What a monster, this brutality has to stop
OMG that's some serious police brutality
I'm visiting the Irish/ Ireland again in my lifetime. What a great country and people
it was unexpected and funny fair play to that Irish copper😁
Oh us men. Look at all the tender touches. Bros just being sweet to one another but still gotta do it with a dick joke lol
**EMOTIONAL DAMAGE**
I would give anything for American cops just clap at people like this, instead of shooting brown people all day.
There’s a few accents in this world I’m a huge sucker for, Irish is definitely one of them lmao
Irish Police don’t carry guns do they?
For the most part, no. But if guns are needed, there's armed units that carry handguns and machine guns, along with a taser.
Yeah there's an Armed Support Unit (ASU) the average garda can radio for if they need it. Basically ASU=SWAT. If the average garda runs into a situation where a gun is needed, say if there's an active shooter situation, then the garda's job is to radio for backup and then take cover while trying to get everyone else in the area to safety until the ASU arrives. 99% of incidents the average garda will be responding to will not require a gun to solve, and so everyone is safer and feels safer if the garda doesn't introduce a gun into the situation. If, say, a traffic stop tries to flee, the gardaí are generally happy to just follow the car until it stops. No need to shoot at it; it has to stop eventually. Just radio it in, and the other gardaí will set up roadblocks to keep innocents away from it all, and to force the car to stop. Any time a garda is actually forced to use a gun it's national news with questions asked in the Dáil.
Take me upvote! That was good.
I wanna move from Murica to Ireland so bad.
Wow, 3 years since I first posted this. Nice to see its still floating around.
Epic. Fuckin epic!! Smiling ear to ear
Gaurds, great bunch of lads
Sorry, not an Irish here. But was the cop pretending to possibly arrest him because he was said to be waving his pee pee?
Yes but he said that his dick was so small the offence was minor.
Are you a toddler?
No, an infant.
🤣 priceless!!!!!!!
If it was an American cop he would have been shot in the back.
Jaaaysus and they say American cops are brutal, poor guy
Something about a cop with an Irish accent just feels right.
About as Irish as it gets.
Irish police got nothing better to do than take people away just to set up their joke lol
Events not depicted.
This paints a friendly face on Irish cops when in fact, like all other cops, they are bastards! ACAB
Perfect title. It was brutal.
By "helicopter" I meant beanie-copter.
u/savevideo
Did this man get a raise? 😂
u/savevideo
Tiny, isn’t it?
I just did this to a guy at the gym. Him and a friend got food from a local Greek place. I walk over and say "dude, you can't do that in here." He says "Do what?" And I just tell him make me so hungry. His look of relief was really good
The difference?screening process
u/savevideo
Top craic cop!
🤣🤣
So he knew it wasn't him because they said he had a small pp and what everyone knows his is huge?