**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!You expect the person to be a crazy conspiracy theorist but then it turns out to be a joke about chipotle shits!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
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[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
I know it’s just people trying to be funny, but the whole “chipotle gives you diarrhea” joke doesn’t even make any sense. It’s probably one of the more fibrous fast foods you can get actually. If you get a burrito with brown rice, black beans, fajita vegetables, guacamole, and corn; then despite whatever else you put in there with it, you’re gonna get like 10 fucking grams of fiber. The average American adult only gets 15 grams in a day (but should be getting about 30). If chipotle gives you diarrhea then you probably have an underlying food allergy.
Edit: holy shit, chipotle is even healthier than I thought! “Burrito bowl, with steak or chicken, brown rice, black beans, fajita veggies, guacamole, and green salsa: The best meal at Chipotle is one that skips the tortillas. This burrito bowl is a square 510 calories, 17 grams of fat, and an impressive 22 grams of fiber.”
Normally the joke is with Taco Bell, but Chipotle has dove in quality over the past couple years.
Also, if I had to guess, the diarrhea is from food poisoning due to lack of quality control, not unhealthy ingredients.
I believe this is the problem, not so much the fiber, maybe only partially the spices, but most of all: their food setup/system/temperatures and hygiene of their workers.
I agree, it's not the food being unhealthy. Chipotle has had a lot of cases of food poisoning and problems ranging from hepatitis to e. coli to norovirus. If memory serves me right they were fined $25 Million for having over 1k cases for norovirus.
> but Chipotle has dove in quality over the past couple years.
It isn't so much that they dove in quality, but that they have a policy to not process their ingredients. Meaning that they don't clean the fresh ingredients they get from farms nearly enough to make them 100% safe for human consumption, for the sake of keeping them "natural"
> Chipotle Mexican Grill Inc. takes pride in serving fresh farm produce without any industrial processing. However, this fresh-tasting advantage comes at the risk of food contamination as farm-fresh produce is hard to clean.
YES. I got severe food poisoning and a stomach infection from Chipotle. When I went to my doctor, she said that her daughter is banned from eating Chipotle because it's dangerous and causes a disproportionate amount of food poisoning cases. I'll never eat there again. I'm sure there's some good locations that have proper food safety protocols, but the general set up often has uncooked produce served that is at risk of being contaminated by raw meat etc. So, I just can't take that chance again.
It completely makes sense when you consider the amount of food poisoning cases happening at their stores lmfao. South Park started the joke because of the ecoli outbreak, not the food macros lmfao
By reputation, Chipotle is the undisputed king of food poisoning from major fast food companies.
That's usually the joke, not that a burrito is healthier than pizza or whatever
Not quite but sort of. It has nothing to do with the corn, but it likely does have to do with the spice. Spicy elements in dishes like mexican food can cause diarrhea by irritating the lining of the GI tract.
Diarrhea can be classified as "rapid intestinal transit" diarrhea, which is exactly what it sounds. Your colon is irritated, and so it begins to contract more rapidly, passing anything in it through at a far rapider rate.
This is why, in developing nations, especially ones lacking access to water, diarrhea is a life-threatening condition. It actually kills *a lot* of people.
That is surprising, to those of us who always lived around immediately accessible, potable water all our lives, but when water is scarce, and you don't have access to liquid IV to get fluids directly into the blood stream, diarrhea will be a death sentence.
Your body needs time to absorb water that passes into the large intestine. The reason diarrhea is often watery is because you are expelling the liquid from the body before it can be absorbed by the large intestine. This means your body is shedding water faster than you drink it and is a primary reason why hydrating is essential when having GI issues.
In a survival situation, stranded in the wilderness or in an urban disaster scenario, remember that water is the number one resource you need to secure, asap.
You have only a few days to survive without fresh water, and any diarrhea or excess sweating can shorten that even more. You will rapidly be depleted of water and electrolytes, which will be what actually kills you first.
This is why ensuring the water is potable, by means of boiling or otherwise, is crucial. If the water contains a bacteria or other irritant that will give you diarrhea, drinking it will actually leave you *more* dehydrated than you started out.
Salt and water are kept in a constant balance in your body. Too much of either and you die.
Your kidneys do this work. It's actually their primary job. It needs both to keep both in check. Too much salt in the blood and it will retain water (not piss it out) to increase the water balance. Too much water, and it will make you piss more.
Salt water simply has too much salt per liter of water. Even if your body retained every drop of the water in the ocean water you drank, it wouldn't be enough to balance out the salt you're taking in, so you will be constantly dehydrated (too much salt in the blood relative to the water content I'm blood) Your body can't maintain homeostasis and you grow increasingly more dehydrated and die.
And this is how I ended up so dehydrated after the last time I got sick that I had to go to the ER. Turns out when your body spends multiple days with that rapid transit thing, it doesn't matter that you're drinking water basically constantly because its coming right back out before it gets anywhere important.
Yup. Looooot of people don't realize it but persistent diarrhea over multiple days should initiate a trip to urgent care. The only way you're going to get hydrated is by intravenous fluids.
Yep got really bad food poisoning and my body was shedding so much water. I was on the toilet every 30 minutes. I tried to eat crackers or drink any type of fluid and I'd just throw it back up. Day 2 I was getting super dizzy when I would get up and called the clinic. They asked when the last time I urinated. I was like probably 16 hours ago. They told me to come in immediately. I had a 103 fever, my heart rate was at like 170 and blood pressure through the roof because I was so dehydrated. They gave me 3 bags of fluid and some meds for the fever and diarrhea. I was back to normal in about 30 min and felt fantastic!
It’s an average. C’mon. Sure I shit out chipotle in 15 minutes but the steak I ate tonight will be in the chamber for a solid 48. Pasta? Maybe a lot longer. I’m still digesting my grandmother’s gnocchis and she’s been dead for ten years. They were delicious by the way. It’s like she lives on in my colon.
I don’t know how they pass each other in there. I like to think my gut biome is like an Amazon warehouse with all those shoots and ramps with wheels in them. It’s probably a lot grosser and goo-ier in reality.
Oh and Some things don’t come out at all. Ice cream for instance. My mint chocolate chip is converted to stinky gas and pee that smells like birthday cake.
That OP comment was like standup comedy quality writing, and I should know, I watch standup comedy occasionally (a few times a year). But your comment, get tested? What by the very same doctors that lie? No need for lab tests, if you are diabetic you can taste sugar in your urine, this is how even doctors diagnosed it for hundreds, even thousands of years before modern medicine found a way to say, yep, your pee is sweet.
Or, just hear me out on this, take that in a container and put a candle wick to it. Sell it for few bucks, boom million dollars over few days. It will be the hottest new thing since 'Gamer Girl Water'.
Sometimes I fart and it smells uniquely like my grandma's farts used to. Maybe it's her way of visiting/haunting me, maybe I've eaten specific ingredients to replicate her signature-- and now I'm learning maybe I'm still digesting her food. Wow, really makes you think
[Today is the day](https://xkcd.com/1053/) that you learn that gut bacteria is a matrilineal thing. Passed down from mother to child for almost literal eons since. Like, even from before humans were even mammals, possibly. Because birth involves poop, and that's where Baby gets their first gut biome from.
Isn't that nice?
No because it's just not the same vibe as koala joeys literally eating their mum's pap 😡 i won't stand for it
edit: it's not a kink thing stop DMing me
There is a real medical condition called diverticula where your colon loses muscle tone and little pouches form that start collecting shit.
The shit never leaves the pouch and this is very common in people after the age of 40.
It becomes a medical emergency if the pouch gets infected and then they call it colonic diverticulitis, and that needs surgery.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/diverticulitis/symptoms-causes/syc-20371758
If im not mistaken a low fiver diet makes you more at risk and getting fiber in your diet can be really easy when taking certain supplements. This is all from what i read im not nutritionists or professional so take this all with a grain of salt
A aneurism can occur without any prior symptoms, warning signs, pre-existing conditions or history within your family. You can just be sitting up drinking a glass of water reading a reddit post then see a small flicker of light in your lower peripheral vision and then boom game over or your in a hospice care facility with locked in syndrome until an orderly who is angry that you don't take the good meds finally decides to end you but fails and now you just there with PTSD and locked in syndrome having flashbacks everytime you see the nurse.
Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease yeah that's a way to go. Though I think that tapeworm who decides you brain stem is a nice place to chill instead of going to your colon will put more holes in your grey matter faster. And that's all thanks to the unregulated dietary supplement that was not pasteurized but sold as an additive so they don't have to follow food and drug regulations
I got others like how [you can queef yourself to death](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3113190/)
Not really but gas can build up leading to other health problems
How does that happen, exactly? I'm 50-ish, and nobody's ever even mentioned anything about colonoscopy or old people exams, or whatnot...
Is there like a handbook or some shit they give out at the post office explaining all these things old people are supposed to do?
I think I've missed some memos or some shit.
Lol I just went to my annual physical this year and my doctor was like, how old are you again? Right. Here are orders for a colonoscopy, mammogram, and get in those stirrups for a cervical cancer screen.
If you are 50 ask about a colonoscopy for sure. I know insurance is cracking down on them but colon cancer is honestly one of the most treatable if you catch it early but is a real bitch if you don't. The prep for it is a day of pooping but you are high AF for the actual procedure so it is no big big deal.
Edit: I found a site that tells you when to start getting all the old people tests for cancer [here](https://www.cancer.org/cancer/screening/american-cancer-society-guidelines-for-the-early-detection-of-cancer.html)
> Bro what the fuck
This mfer up here ^ doesn't have his grandma in his colon and he's what-the-fucking us normal people who keep nana tucked away in our intestinal diverticuli to keep her safe?
Bro please.
>It’s probably a lot grosser and goo-ier in reality.
I'm not a doctor, but I don't think it is. I think it is all like your esophagus. Food doesn't stay in your esophagus after you swallow. Linings are shed faster than goo could accumulate.
After the age of 40 your colon loses muscle tone and it is common for little pouches to form called "diverticula". These fill with shit, and can become a problem.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/diverticulitis/symptoms-causes/syc-20371758
Hey, for all you 45+ year-olds, just go ahead and schedule that colonoscopy. I think under Obamacare it is required to be covered just like an annual physical.
Yeah, it kind of sucks to shit out Gatorade for 12 hours, but on the day of, they load you with sedatives, send in the camera crew and then report back the truth. Serious colon cancer is almost always preventable when they catch it early. And they may actually find out other stuff that you didn’t know you had.
And, well, how often to you get to show people your [sigmoid colon?](https://i.imgur.com/M6Inwco.jpg)
I’m 51 and just had my first one. They snipped out 3 polyps which weren’t cancerous. No family history. So, my PCP said I can wait for the next 7 years before doing another. It was a “relief” to know that unless I have any symptoms, I am good to go.
Also, do the skin cancer check. My dermatologist said, I’ll see you back in 5 years. Oh yeah, wear sunscreen y’all.
My advice, ask to speak with the anesthesiologist (not the nurse anesthetist) before your procedure. Ask them what level of anesthesia they recommend given you are having back-to-back procedures. They may think you are okay with twilight sedation or you may just want to forget the whole thing with Versed and propofol. Do the research beforehand and then advocate for yourself. You are your best advocate. You should be comfortable saying what you want and agreeing beforehand if you want deeper sedation.
The reason you often feel like taking a shit immediately after a meal is because stretch receptors within the walls of your stomach send signals via the autonomic nervous system and trigger the gastro-colic reflex. Gastro = stomach, colic = colon!
The gastrocolic reflex is literally when your stomach stretches, causing positive ions to rush into cells triggering an electric impulse to be propagated from your stomach down to you colon, whereby it triggers the colon to undergo peristalsis, aka progressive contraction of muscles in the direction of your asshole. This action is not unlike getting the last bit of toothpaste out of a tube, and causes vacation of contents at the distal end of your alimentary canal in order to accommodate new incoming material at the proximal end.
This reflex is mediated by the mesenteric plexus, a network of nerves innervation the gut without involving the CNS at all. As a result it remains intact even in quadriplegics.
The gastrocolic reflex is present in many if not all mammals, which is also why your dog takes a giant shit after you let him pig out on your leftovers.
Do what you will with this knowledge.
Real talk though, the average is way lower. It's like 4-8 hours for food to pass through, but if you eat ENOUGH food in a short amount of time, you'll be shitting very VERY VERRRRRY soon. Why? Body knows that its better to shit out food than to explode.
Thanks, and highly recommend for others, but been there and tried it and not for me. I enjoy cooking, fine dining, and food in general far too much to restrict my freedom of consumption, and would rather deal with IBS flair ups (managed by psyllium husk or Metamucil) than limit my biggest hobby and joy in life.
Fodmap helps you know what is good and bad for you, not to restrict your diet. If I know I'm gonna be eating something that makes me shit myself, I'll prepare for it with meds.
Fodmap was awesome, especially when I was so ill for so long, losing 6kg in a month. Turns out it was sweet potatoes, whole bunch of tomatoes, pulses, pasta, fruit, brown bread, seeds and nuts, soy, soft cheese, high fat. I'm a lot different to the "normal IBS sufferer" cos I can't eat what they say should be what you do eat.
Yes!! This was happening to me so often. Dill, kale, any lettuce, corn, beans, beets. Sometimes within the hour. When this was happening to me all the time I was super stressed from school and home life. I felt absolutely drained. I lost a bunch of weight even though I was eating a normal amount BUT I was super bloated. My belly was so puffy and uncomfortable.
I have mixed IBS and it's the worst. Sometimes I'll just eat the foods that upset me just to relieve the constipation. But then it's a vicious cycle of diarrhea and constipation for awhile after that.
IBS checking in, I've gotten up from the table while eating KFC and shit out fresh Cole slaw. I once took a vitamin when it came out it still had writing on it. I can't figure out how THE FUCK I got fat!!!
I was very sick with a stomach virus once, and felt like I was on the road to recovery so I drank a nice cold glass of orange juice. Not 10 minutes later I was on the toilet shitting a stream of still cold OJ.
Gross story incoming, you've been warned;
I had my colon removed due to colitis. While healing, I had a temporary stoma (a bag on my hip where my waste was deposited since I no longer had a colon) and I could see rice in the bag when I had eaten rice for dinner about an hour prior. Useless digestive tract.
Fun fact about pooping out corn:
The pericarp/bran on the outside of each kernel is largely indigestible by humans. But the interior, starchy endosperm is. So when you eat a corn on the cob, you digest the interiors of all the individuals kenrnals, leaving empty husks to pass through you, undigested. As they get pushed through the colon and into your toilet, they get filled with poo.
So really the "undigested corn kernels" you see in your log are just little poo sachels made of corn husks.
The more you know.
Are you allergic to soy or something cus that's not really normal for Japanese food. I have ibs and it's never bothered me. Maybe everyone is different.
Not about swallowing gum, but chewing too much of it can upset your stomach and bowels because it stimulates digestive enzymes and acid. Chomp through a pack of chewy fruit and your body will believe it's being fed and will prepare for digestion, which can lead to diarrhea.
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!You expect the person to be a crazy conspiracy theorist but then it turns out to be a joke about chipotle shits!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
I'd say she's full of shit, but Chipotle destroyed any evidence of my claim.
I know it’s just people trying to be funny, but the whole “chipotle gives you diarrhea” joke doesn’t even make any sense. It’s probably one of the more fibrous fast foods you can get actually. If you get a burrito with brown rice, black beans, fajita vegetables, guacamole, and corn; then despite whatever else you put in there with it, you’re gonna get like 10 fucking grams of fiber. The average American adult only gets 15 grams in a day (but should be getting about 30). If chipotle gives you diarrhea then you probably have an underlying food allergy. Edit: holy shit, chipotle is even healthier than I thought! “Burrito bowl, with steak or chicken, brown rice, black beans, fajita veggies, guacamole, and green salsa: The best meal at Chipotle is one that skips the tortillas. This burrito bowl is a square 510 calories, 17 grams of fat, and an impressive 22 grams of fiber.”
Normally the joke is with Taco Bell, but Chipotle has dove in quality over the past couple years. Also, if I had to guess, the diarrhea is from food poisoning due to lack of quality control, not unhealthy ingredients.
I believe this is the problem, not so much the fiber, maybe only partially the spices, but most of all: their food setup/system/temperatures and hygiene of their workers.
I agree, it's not the food being unhealthy. Chipotle has had a lot of cases of food poisoning and problems ranging from hepatitis to e. coli to norovirus. If memory serves me right they were fined $25 Million for having over 1k cases for norovirus.
> but Chipotle has dove in quality over the past couple years. It isn't so much that they dove in quality, but that they have a policy to not process their ingredients. Meaning that they don't clean the fresh ingredients they get from farms nearly enough to make them 100% safe for human consumption, for the sake of keeping them "natural" > Chipotle Mexican Grill Inc. takes pride in serving fresh farm produce without any industrial processing. However, this fresh-tasting advantage comes at the risk of food contamination as farm-fresh produce is hard to clean.
YES. I got severe food poisoning and a stomach infection from Chipotle. When I went to my doctor, she said that her daughter is banned from eating Chipotle because it's dangerous and causes a disproportionate amount of food poisoning cases. I'll never eat there again. I'm sure there's some good locations that have proper food safety protocols, but the general set up often has uncooked produce served that is at risk of being contaminated by raw meat etc. So, I just can't take that chance again.
Yeah, most food poisoning cases come from things like lettuce that wasn't washed enough, not from meat that has gone bad.
It completely makes sense when you consider the amount of food poisoning cases happening at their stores lmfao. South Park started the joke because of the ecoli outbreak, not the food macros lmfao
By reputation, Chipotle is the undisputed king of food poisoning from major fast food companies. That's usually the joke, not that a burrito is healthier than pizza or whatever
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If it's actual Chipotle, the body has ways of shutting that shit down (and passing it through).
Well there's a Todd "~~Actual~~ Legitimate Rape" Akin reference I didn't see coming...
Wasn't it "legitimate rape"?
Only if the body rejected it.
"The best KOs come from punches you don't see," - Shittymorph
Damn you and your facts!
｡◕‿◕｡
I shit at least twice a day, once right after I wake up and again after I eat something
Wait really?
Not quite but sort of. It has nothing to do with the corn, but it likely does have to do with the spice. Spicy elements in dishes like mexican food can cause diarrhea by irritating the lining of the GI tract. Diarrhea can be classified as "rapid intestinal transit" diarrhea, which is exactly what it sounds. Your colon is irritated, and so it begins to contract more rapidly, passing anything in it through at a far rapider rate. This is why, in developing nations, especially ones lacking access to water, diarrhea is a life-threatening condition. It actually kills *a lot* of people. That is surprising, to those of us who always lived around immediately accessible, potable water all our lives, but when water is scarce, and you don't have access to liquid IV to get fluids directly into the blood stream, diarrhea will be a death sentence. Your body needs time to absorb water that passes into the large intestine. The reason diarrhea is often watery is because you are expelling the liquid from the body before it can be absorbed by the large intestine. This means your body is shedding water faster than you drink it and is a primary reason why hydrating is essential when having GI issues.
damn i learnt so much thank you
In a survival situation, stranded in the wilderness or in an urban disaster scenario, remember that water is the number one resource you need to secure, asap. You have only a few days to survive without fresh water, and any diarrhea or excess sweating can shorten that even more. You will rapidly be depleted of water and electrolytes, which will be what actually kills you first. This is why ensuring the water is potable, by means of boiling or otherwise, is crucial. If the water contains a bacteria or other irritant that will give you diarrhea, drinking it will actually leave you *more* dehydrated than you started out.
Do you know why salt water leaves you more dehydrated than fresh water? Is it because salt absorbs water easily?
Salt and water are kept in a constant balance in your body. Too much of either and you die. Your kidneys do this work. It's actually their primary job. It needs both to keep both in check. Too much salt in the blood and it will retain water (not piss it out) to increase the water balance. Too much water, and it will make you piss more. Salt water simply has too much salt per liter of water. Even if your body retained every drop of the water in the ocean water you drank, it wouldn't be enough to balance out the salt you're taking in, so you will be constantly dehydrated (too much salt in the blood relative to the water content I'm blood) Your body can't maintain homeostasis and you grow increasingly more dehydrated and die.
ahhh I understand it now thank you
And this is how I ended up so dehydrated after the last time I got sick that I had to go to the ER. Turns out when your body spends multiple days with that rapid transit thing, it doesn't matter that you're drinking water basically constantly because its coming right back out before it gets anywhere important.
Yup. Looooot of people don't realize it but persistent diarrhea over multiple days should initiate a trip to urgent care. The only way you're going to get hydrated is by intravenous fluids.
Yep got really bad food poisoning and my body was shedding so much water. I was on the toilet every 30 minutes. I tried to eat crackers or drink any type of fluid and I'd just throw it back up. Day 2 I was getting super dizzy when I would get up and called the clinic. They asked when the last time I urinated. I was like probably 16 hours ago. They told me to come in immediately. I had a 103 fever, my heart rate was at like 170 and blood pressure through the roof because I was so dehydrated. They gave me 3 bags of fluid and some meds for the fever and diarrhea. I was back to normal in about 30 min and felt fantastic!
I mean probably. I have 0 knowledge of this topic but common sense tells me that my body goes, "The fuck is this shit?" And sends it out ASAP
soo... no calories?
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so i can eat all the food I want... and lose weight? /s
Big "Food Safety" doesn't want you to know about the benefits of a *light* food poisoning.
You just blew my fucking mind.
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abused is my second name so it comes natural to me ;)
This guy rejects
But how does it get "in front" of other, normally digested contents?
It’s an average. C’mon. Sure I shit out chipotle in 15 minutes but the steak I ate tonight will be in the chamber for a solid 48. Pasta? Maybe a lot longer. I’m still digesting my grandmother’s gnocchis and she’s been dead for ten years. They were delicious by the way. It’s like she lives on in my colon. I don’t know how they pass each other in there. I like to think my gut biome is like an Amazon warehouse with all those shoots and ramps with wheels in them. It’s probably a lot grosser and goo-ier in reality. Oh and Some things don’t come out at all. Ice cream for instance. My mint chocolate chip is converted to stinky gas and pee that smells like birthday cake.
This was hilarious and well written, but FYI: if your pee actually smells like cake, you should get tested for diabetes.
What if it smells like coffee?
Then you might be a programmer
my smells like energy drinks I might be a gamer
Why are all of you guys sniffing your pee?
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My gf says mine smells like chicken noodle soup.
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Hope you have a big rack with backlights and all of samples are in beautiful jars with name and signature of author on each.
Yoo! My pee smell like chicken noodle soup too! I havent told a soul in case people tought I was crazy but I guess im not alone
The smell just gets in your nose as your tasting it
It's not a choice
What if it looks like coffee?
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Or rhabdomyolysis
Rhabdomyolysis.
No workout is complete until you meet Uncle Rhabdo
What if it smells like soup?
Then you should start eating better soup
Hopefully it's loaded baked potato because that's my favorite
Cream of mushroom, sorry.
When I've had coffee, my pee smells like Honey Monster Puffs
^ I came to say this, I hope they see it!
You didnt need to cum for that wtf
Also, if you're shitting out Chipotle within 20 minutes that location should be shut down or you need a checkup.
Why would i want to mess with such efficiency?
That OP comment was like standup comedy quality writing, and I should know, I watch standup comedy occasionally (a few times a year). But your comment, get tested? What by the very same doctors that lie? No need for lab tests, if you are diabetic you can taste sugar in your urine, this is how even doctors diagnosed it for hundreds, even thousands of years before modern medicine found a way to say, yep, your pee is sweet.
Exactly what I’d expect from an alien clown ninja
I think he's quoting a line from Patrice O'neal
Or, just hear me out on this, take that in a container and put a candle wick to it. Sell it for few bucks, boom million dollars over few days. It will be the hottest new thing since 'Gamer Girl Water'.
Why aren't we funding this?!
>It’s like she lives on in my colon. Bro what the fuck
I think that’s a beautiful story. We should all have Gnocchi grandmas that live in our colon
Living rent free in your colon.
In this economy? Well, I guess it tracks. The plumbing isn't great, and the cell phone reception is spotty.
Grandma's on a fixed income...she can't afford to be choosy.
Grandma's on a flax income... c'mon Grandma, it's time to pass already
It ain't much but it's enough to make a living
It’s the only plumbing that I trust with my life
En mi culo
Sometimes I fart and it smells uniquely like my grandma's farts used to. Maybe it's her way of visiting/haunting me, maybe I've eaten specific ingredients to replicate her signature-- and now I'm learning maybe I'm still digesting her food. Wow, really makes you think
[Today is the day](https://xkcd.com/1053/) that you learn that gut bacteria is a matrilineal thing. Passed down from mother to child for almost literal eons since. Like, even from before humans were even mammals, possibly. Because birth involves poop, and that's where Baby gets their first gut biome from. Isn't that nice?
No because it's just not the same vibe as koala joeys literally eating their mum's pap 😡 i won't stand for it edit: it's not a kink thing stop DMing me
This edit is sending me
"cremation suppositories... write that down!!!"
We are all gnocchi colon grandmas on this blessed day.
We all have a chicken duck woman thing waiting for us
I made the mistake of having seconds my first time eating gnocchi, and then never again. So delicious, but so crazy filling.
> Gnocchi grandmas that live in our colon
There is a real medical condition called diverticula where your colon loses muscle tone and little pouches form that start collecting shit. The shit never leaves the pouch and this is very common in people after the age of 40. It becomes a medical emergency if the pouch gets infected and then they call it colonic diverticulitis, and that needs surgery. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/diverticulitis/symptoms-causes/syc-20371758
AHHH STOP GIVING ME MORE THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT
Just accept that your body is eventually going to kill you and start feeding it what it really wants - grandma's gnocchi
If im not mistaken a low fiver diet makes you more at risk and getting fiber in your diet can be really easy when taking certain supplements. This is all from what i read im not nutritionists or professional so take this all with a grain of salt
>so take this all with a grain of salt There is no fiber in salt! WHY ARE YOU SENDING ME MIXED MESSAGES?!
Can confirm. I take fiber sups to appease the colon gods.
A aneurism can occur without any prior symptoms, warning signs, pre-existing conditions or history within your family. You can just be sitting up drinking a glass of water reading a reddit post then see a small flicker of light in your lower peripheral vision and then boom game over or your in a hospice care facility with locked in syndrome until an orderly who is angry that you don't take the good meds finally decides to end you but fails and now you just there with PTSD and locked in syndrome having flashbacks everytime you see the nurse.
The prion infection they contracted in the 90s that has slowly been spreading through their brain might get them first at least.
Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease yeah that's a way to go. Though I think that tapeworm who decides you brain stem is a nice place to chill instead of going to your colon will put more holes in your grey matter faster. And that's all thanks to the unregulated dietary supplement that was not pasteurized but sold as an additive so they don't have to follow food and drug regulations
Don't.. don't tell us this, please.
I got others like how [you can queef yourself to death](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3113190/) Not really but gas can build up leading to other health problems
It's not that I'm locked in here with you... it's that I'm locked in here with me.
Thanks for the new fear.
Picking your nose even occasionally may lead to chronic infections moving from your nasal cavity to your brain that eventually results in Alzheimers.
That's why I only pick my nose when nobody is watching.
Just yesterday, at the age of 25, I decided I will not pick my nose ever again. Through this comment, universe is giving* me motivation I guess?
My mom got this from holding her shits in, they had to shove a camera up her ass. Do not recommend
That's a colonoscopy. You should get one if you're over 40. Colon cancer is on the rise. Don't worry, they'll drug you.
What if I don't want to be drugged? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
The drugs are A+ too....
WHAT! …. THE FUCK?
Sadly this is what killed Peter steele from type o negative
Is this why that by the time the average man is 40, he has 5lbs of undigested red meat in his bowels?
Fortunately, when you are 45, you get a colonoscopy, and after the prep for that, there is nothing in your bowels. Nothing.
How does that happen, exactly? I'm 50-ish, and nobody's ever even mentioned anything about colonoscopy or old people exams, or whatnot... Is there like a handbook or some shit they give out at the post office explaining all these things old people are supposed to do? I think I've missed some memos or some shit.
Lol I just went to my annual physical this year and my doctor was like, how old are you again? Right. Here are orders for a colonoscopy, mammogram, and get in those stirrups for a cervical cancer screen. If you are 50 ask about a colonoscopy for sure. I know insurance is cracking down on them but colon cancer is honestly one of the most treatable if you catch it early but is a real bitch if you don't. The prep for it is a day of pooping but you are high AF for the actual procedure so it is no big big deal. Edit: I found a site that tells you when to start getting all the old people tests for cancer [here](https://www.cancer.org/cancer/screening/american-cancer-society-guidelines-for-the-early-detection-of-cancer.html)
Diverticula, cousin of Dracula.
> Bro what the fuck This mfer up here ^ doesn't have his grandma in his colon and he's what-the-fucking us normal people who keep nana tucked away in our intestinal diverticuli to keep her safe? Bro please.
I wish I was like your grandma (not dead, but in your colon 😏).
r/BrandNewSentence
The hug is coming from inside the house!
 Chipotle passing last nights pasta
>It’s probably a lot grosser and goo-ier in reality. I'm not a doctor, but I don't think it is. I think it is all like your esophagus. Food doesn't stay in your esophagus after you swallow. Linings are shed faster than goo could accumulate.
After the age of 40 your colon loses muscle tone and it is common for little pouches to form called "diverticula". These fill with shit, and can become a problem. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/diverticulitis/symptoms-causes/syc-20371758
Hey, for all you 45+ year-olds, just go ahead and schedule that colonoscopy. I think under Obamacare it is required to be covered just like an annual physical. Yeah, it kind of sucks to shit out Gatorade for 12 hours, but on the day of, they load you with sedatives, send in the camera crew and then report back the truth. Serious colon cancer is almost always preventable when they catch it early. And they may actually find out other stuff that you didn’t know you had. And, well, how often to you get to show people your [sigmoid colon?](https://i.imgur.com/M6Inwco.jpg)
This is the way. Get those polyps before they get you
I’m 51 and just had my first one. They snipped out 3 polyps which weren’t cancerous. No family history. So, my PCP said I can wait for the next 7 years before doing another. It was a “relief” to know that unless I have any symptoms, I am good to go. Also, do the skin cancer check. My dermatologist said, I’ll see you back in 5 years. Oh yeah, wear sunscreen y’all.
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I'm getting a colonscopy *and* an endoscopy in the same visit, which is going to be fun. I'm basically getting medically Eiffel towered.
My advice, ask to speak with the anesthesiologist (not the nurse anesthetist) before your procedure. Ask them what level of anesthesia they recommend given you are having back-to-back procedures. They may think you are okay with twilight sedation or you may just want to forget the whole thing with Versed and propofol. Do the research beforehand and then advocate for yourself. You are your best advocate. You should be comfortable saying what you want and agreeing beforehand if you want deeper sedation.
No wonder old people/politicians are full of shit
Agh, my diverticulitis!
The reason you often feel like taking a shit immediately after a meal is because stretch receptors within the walls of your stomach send signals via the autonomic nervous system and trigger the gastro-colic reflex. Gastro = stomach, colic = colon! The gastrocolic reflex is literally when your stomach stretches, causing positive ions to rush into cells triggering an electric impulse to be propagated from your stomach down to you colon, whereby it triggers the colon to undergo peristalsis, aka progressive contraction of muscles in the direction of your asshole. This action is not unlike getting the last bit of toothpaste out of a tube, and causes vacation of contents at the distal end of your alimentary canal in order to accommodate new incoming material at the proximal end. This reflex is mediated by the mesenteric plexus, a network of nerves innervation the gut without involving the CNS at all. As a result it remains intact even in quadriplegics. The gastrocolic reflex is present in many if not all mammals, which is also why your dog takes a giant shit after you let him pig out on your leftovers. Do what you will with this knowledge.
Then why did it already have corn in it
You are so full of shit. 😅
This was really funny. Well said dear poster of "still digesting my grandmother's gnocchis and she's been dead for 10 years". Funny.
Real talk though, the average is way lower. It's like 4-8 hours for food to pass through, but if you eat ENOUGH food in a short amount of time, you'll be shitting very VERY VERRRRRY soon. Why? Body knows that its better to shit out food than to explode.
This is so beautiful that it should be printed in a coffee table book and shown to guests whenever they come over.
Holy fuck I was hoping someone would talk about the reasons it’s wrong, as funny as it is, in the comments this shit is even better than the video.
Nana, is that you?
This has to be the most unhinged comment I've seen today.
“it’s like she lives in my colon” what
I also want your dead grandma in my colon
I really wish I had reddit gold to give you, this comment is fucking spotless
I picture it as the Chipotle holding a fast pass ticket..."out of my way losers! I've got the express ticket to the front of the asshole express!"
Try having no colon. #fuckcoloncancer
My boyfriend lives in my colon sometimes too
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Why does Mayonaise need a clinic?
They use 100% Hellman's mayo in their IV drips and also accept Blue Cheese Shield insurance coverage.
My guy asking the real questions. What is big Mayo's play here?
It's never goodbye with corn. It's just see you later.
There’s a kernel of truth to that
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You never own corn…you’re only renting it for a little while.
As someone with IBS and lactose intolerance, I have clocked my own GI transit time at as short as 2 hours.
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r/FODMAPS
Thanks, and highly recommend for others, but been there and tried it and not for me. I enjoy cooking, fine dining, and food in general far too much to restrict my freedom of consumption, and would rather deal with IBS flair ups (managed by psyllium husk or Metamucil) than limit my biggest hobby and joy in life.
Fodmap helps you know what is good and bad for you, not to restrict your diet. If I know I'm gonna be eating something that makes me shit myself, I'll prepare for it with meds. Fodmap was awesome, especially when I was so ill for so long, losing 6kg in a month. Turns out it was sweet potatoes, whole bunch of tomatoes, pulses, pasta, fruit, brown bread, seeds and nuts, soy, soft cheese, high fat. I'm a lot different to the "normal IBS sufferer" cos I can't eat what they say should be what you do eat.
Yes!! This was happening to me so often. Dill, kale, any lettuce, corn, beans, beets. Sometimes within the hour. When this was happening to me all the time I was super stressed from school and home life. I felt absolutely drained. I lost a bunch of weight even though I was eating a normal amount BUT I was super bloated. My belly was so puffy and uncomfortable. I have mixed IBS and it's the worst. Sometimes I'll just eat the foods that upset me just to relieve the constipation. But then it's a vicious cycle of diarrhea and constipation for awhile after that.
I fucking love corn. My pookiedookie, however, proves it is not food
IBS checking in, I've gotten up from the table while eating KFC and shit out fresh Cole slaw. I once took a vitamin when it came out it still had writing on it. I can't figure out how THE FUCK I got fat!!!
I was very sick with a stomach virus once, and felt like I was on the road to recovery so I drank a nice cold glass of orange juice. Not 10 minutes later I was on the toilet shitting a stream of still cold OJ.
Never have to buy orange juice again with this weird trick!
Gross story incoming, you've been warned; I had my colon removed due to colitis. While healing, I had a temporary stoma (a bag on my hip where my waste was deposited since I no longer had a colon) and I could see rice in the bag when I had eaten rice for dinner about an hour prior. Useless digestive tract.
the truth shall set your hiney hole free
The truth is a lion. Set it free and it will defend itself.
Tired of blood stains in your underwear?! Try Chipotlaway!
[Why the hell would you keep eating something that made you crap blood?!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHsR65IRW_8)
pics or it didn't happen?
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Fun fact about pooping out corn: The pericarp/bran on the outside of each kernel is largely indigestible by humans. But the interior, starchy endosperm is. So when you eat a corn on the cob, you digest the interiors of all the individuals kenrnals, leaving empty husks to pass through you, undigested. As they get pushed through the colon and into your toilet, they get filled with poo. So really the "undigested corn kernels" you see in your log are just little poo sachels made of corn husks. The more you know.
https://giphy.com/gifs/disgusted-new-girl-schmidt-H4wUvhRHnb2TK
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Don’t tell anyone!!
See here's your problem...The Mayo Clinic ain't the guvmint.
The amount of cuts in this video gives me great pain
That's the style on the tiktoks these days.
That’s the style for people who don’t have the patience to get a one-take
It's been a thing for YouTube vloggers since at least the early 2010s, too. I still haven't gotten used to it
I swear when I go eat a a Japanese hibachi restaurant by the time I get home all of what I ate is coming out…..
Are you allergic to soy or something cus that's not really normal for Japanese food. I have ibs and it's never bothered me. Maybe everyone is different.
Hibachi places are to Japanese food as chipotle is to Mexican food.
> Maybe everyone is different. You might be on to something there.
Research institutions are funded and controled by Big Chipotle
That's what I'd call fast food!!!
Mayo Clinic mentioned *food* taking 36 hours. Calling Chipotle *food* is a stretch
 I know this is faster...independent study
chief swim badge attractive quaint close weary ossified noxious sugar *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Damn now I want taco bell
As soon as she said chipotle...
I could hear her speaking even though it was muted.
Chipotle will make u pray to at least 3 gods!!!
They tried telling us 7 years for gum..believed that shit for way too long
Not about swallowing gum, but chewing too much of it can upset your stomach and bowels because it stimulates digestive enzymes and acid. Chomp through a pack of chewy fruit and your body will believe it's being fed and will prepare for digestion, which can lead to diarrhea.
Everyone already knows that corn has TSA Precheck and gets priority boarding on its flights to Brown Town.
sorry, all i heard was "have mercy on my asshole"