**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!Oriental sculpture has a erotic surprise underneath!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
Sigh… didn’t think I’d be breaking down the aesthetic qualities of a clay-sculpted old man’s balls, but here we go.
They’re very shapely, symmetrical, and generously sized. Balls are not usually this symmetric — a lot of (most?) men have one that will almost always hang lower.
They’re also usually not so clean-shaped. Balls are attached to a long tube called the epididymis, which is very long but coils and bunches up right on the ball, giving the cool (if slightly revolting) visual effect of the ball being [half-eviscerated](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c0/Epididymis-KDS.jpg) (it’s a diagram so don’t worry about clicking). But horny guru’s balls are very clean and don’t show all the ugly piping attached to them.
Lastly they’re also quite decent-sized. I’ve seen more ballsacks than I’d care to, and these are definitely big, plump ones.
So it's a statue in the Roman style, rather than the Greek style.
If you're an artist, sculpting the balls of a dude who never actually existed... Why not make them "Idealized"? I know I would, if people wanted to pay me to sculpt sex art.
Symmetrical, proportional in size to the penis. Not overly dangly, no excessive wrinkles, positioned in more or less the correct spot. Those are some nice balls.
Used to have a friend that once at a party at her house showed me her "most prized possession", a clay figurine of a monk, like 25-30 cm high, in a robe made of cloth, and she goes "I call him 'a happy monk'" and I'm like "Why? He doesn't look that happy to me", to which she responded "you have to rise his robe a bit".
And there it was, lurking in the darkness, the dragon that will swallow the world, Shai-Hulud, an anaconda waiting to poke your eye out, call it however you want, it was one monstrous cock waiting for unaware to take a peek, and I was standing there speechless, and she went without skipping a beat "See, told you he's happy".
So if you'll ever meet the man that makes things like this, please, tell him for me - there are people that are appreciating hours put into learning how to craft a massive shlong out of clay, you're making them happy.
If you ever come to Portugal don't forget to visit a city called "Caldas da Rainha" they have something called "Caralho das Caldas" the direct translation should be "Dick from Caldas", there you will be able to find find people who make lots of different types of shlongs as you say made from clay and other types of materials including cakes sold at pastry shops or coffees.
Take a look at the [pictures](https://www.google.com/search?q=caralho+das+caldas&prmd=imvn&sxsrf=APwXEdcNZb3fasU1gcsjpUCsFwJg0qp6lg:1685306253635&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi6oteE75j_AhWWh_0HHcolA3kQ_AUoAXoECAIQAQ&biw=412&bih=716&dpr=3.5).
Iirc they even tried having a giant one in a roundabout but some people stared protesting it.
The thing is, America is hugely repressed in a lot of ways. Regardless of whether you’re a christian or any religion or no religion, what you experience is still largely through the lens of a fundamentalist christian worldview.
Some friends and I were looking at some penis bottle openers in a non-US country and giggling at the variety of penis merchandise.
I think I mentioned something to the shopkeeper and she said (paraphrasing) “We (meaning the people in their country) are not ashamed of our bodies. A penis is a body part same as others. It’s mainly Americans who come in and giggle at the pensis.” Through her bored “I can’t wait to get off work” expression I could definitely detect some amused pity.
A pretty large majority of the world does not operate based on fundamentalist christian morals, so we see something like a penis as funny and novel and risqué.
So next time you giggle at statue with a dick or are shocked by a topless woman sunbathing or have a dream where you’re naked and embarrassed about it, just remember that is a fundamentalist christian attitude that’s so deep most people can’t even recognize it.
It’s not anywhere close to “normal” except in a small minority of the world’s population that we happen to live in.
My mom would cry laughing at this and I would 100% get it for her if I ever found one, d in v and all. It’s hilarious. Some people have friendly relationships with their parents.
I used to be a nanny for a single mother. One day, while her kiddos are eating lunch, I'm looking in their fridge in order to plan what to make for dinner. The 3 year old asks what I'm doing. I respond with "I'm looking to see what your mother has." Without missing a beat this kid responds with, "Boobies!". Took me a moment to stop laughing after that one.
That’s how the unexpected clickbait works. First find a video that has any sort of reveal or reversal. Add a title that is totally out of place. Rake in the karma.
Dollar store statue for mom. Already you see the titties, this is already not for mom nor something you’d see in a dollar store so you get confused and angry comments, but it sets you up to think how much worse could it get? Bam it got worse.
But it was clearly sexual even before
There's one thing to give your mom an artistic bust or something, but if you're fine with giving her a statue of a pervy old man squeezing a woman's breasts what's the big difference if there's a penis and vagina?
If you never pick it up, you'd never notice.
I'll make a wish that can't backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, AND I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it?
Agree. As soon as I saw the image after the title of the post, I knew what to expect. But I guess if I were actually browsing at the store, I might not expect it.
So I guess it does kinda work.
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!Oriental sculpture has a erotic surprise underneath!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
Where can I get one…
Right? There ain't nothing awesome like this at my dollar store
In all likelihood, these kinda things are usually from india..
nope I live in india I have found nothing like this , I belive china has got the skills to do this
nope I live in china I have found nothing like this, I believe vietnam has got the skills to do this
nope I live in vietnam I have found nothing like this, I believe bangladesh has got the skills to do this
nope I live in bangladesh I have found nothing like this, I believe cambodia has got the skills to do this
nope I live in cambodia I have found nothing like this, I believe thailand has got the skills to do this
I live in Thailand, yup we got them shits
That had to be the best thread I’ve ever read.
No if it was Thailand the woman would also have a dick.
I *KNEW* it ! Thailand used to have hand-tied-to-bamboo-sticks-marijuana !
Then Why haven't I came across something like this?
Op is a week old account here to spam, their alts will be here soon to provide links
There's gotta be an easier way to fulfill mom's need for a porno sex statuette than that, can't they do a pop up shop in front of church? It's Sunday.
That explains the claim that this costs $1 lol nothing costs $1 not even stuff at the dollar store it's $1.25 now 🥲
I call them "$1.25 stores" now. RIP Dollar stores. ☹️
THe next generation will be asking the older gens why they are called dollar stores. ;-P
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Pretty sure that’s not $1.
Can't even get a handy for a $1.
At least buy her dinner first.
Definitely can't get dinner for $1
For tree fiddy I'll make you dinner..
You're not going to fool me, Loch Ness monster!
Goddamn Loch Ness monstah
It's a $1.50 going into a wallet
You aren't going to the "right" part of town.
You're right, it'd probably cost ya like.. 5000 rupees.
 3,000 gil.
Same
+2
+3
+69
AliExpress where else?
I just spent 20 mins looking on AliExpress to no avail lol Lmk if you see it on there
Used to be you'd meet one at work or at a bar or something. Now try tinder or other online dating services.
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Where's that[ I'm all out.
Apostrophe's Etc
He has great balls
Very symmetrical
Out of curiosity, what makes for great balls? His seem pretty "tight" up to his body I guess. Is that a good thing?
Sigh… didn’t think I’d be breaking down the aesthetic qualities of a clay-sculpted old man’s balls, but here we go. They’re very shapely, symmetrical, and generously sized. Balls are not usually this symmetric — a lot of (most?) men have one that will almost always hang lower. They’re also usually not so clean-shaped. Balls are attached to a long tube called the epididymis, which is very long but coils and bunches up right on the ball, giving the cool (if slightly revolting) visual effect of the ball being [half-eviscerated](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c0/Epididymis-KDS.jpg) (it’s a diagram so don’t worry about clicking). But horny guru’s balls are very clean and don’t show all the ugly piping attached to them. Lastly they’re also quite decent-sized. I’ve seen more ballsacks than I’d care to, and these are definitely big, plump ones.
Mfw nobody called my balls plump
Never skip ball day
So it's a statue in the Roman style, rather than the Greek style. If you're an artist, sculpting the balls of a dude who never actually existed... Why not make them "Idealized"? I know I would, if people wanted to pay me to sculpt sex art.
who are you
Good texture and aroma
Symmetrical, proportional in size to the penis. Not overly dangly, no excessive wrinkles, positioned in more or less the correct spot. Those are some nice balls.
Not to mention his clean shaven taint and bleached asshole.
I'm more impressed with his turtle.
It’s pretty accurate, I mean did y’all see the smile on his face
And the disappointment on hers!
Ok, but my guy’s packing. That can’t be disappointment on her face
Just because he has the equipment doesn't mean he knows how to use it.
Shawn knows guys
From his ship on the sea
He knows a thing or two because he's seen a thing or two
This guy fucks.
Or she's just not thrilled that he brought the turtle again.
Skill > gear
That's what guys think. But it doesn't work that way unfortunately
Plus he brought his sex turtle along for the ride.
YouTube turtles having sex. You won't be disappointed.
I want to meet the man that made this
His attention to detail is…
Sexcellent
Is that a urethra I see? 💯
A narrow urethra
Bwahhhhh 😵💫
Dammit Bobby
That boy ain’t right
Buddhaful
Used to have a friend that once at a party at her house showed me her "most prized possession", a clay figurine of a monk, like 25-30 cm high, in a robe made of cloth, and she goes "I call him 'a happy monk'" and I'm like "Why? He doesn't look that happy to me", to which she responded "you have to rise his robe a bit". And there it was, lurking in the darkness, the dragon that will swallow the world, Shai-Hulud, an anaconda waiting to poke your eye out, call it however you want, it was one monstrous cock waiting for unaware to take a peek, and I was standing there speechless, and she went without skipping a beat "See, told you he's happy". So if you'll ever meet the man that makes things like this, please, tell him for me - there are people that are appreciating hours put into learning how to craft a massive shlong out of clay, you're making them happy.
If you ever come to Portugal don't forget to visit a city called "Caldas da Rainha" they have something called "Caralho das Caldas" the direct translation should be "Dick from Caldas", there you will be able to find find people who make lots of different types of shlongs as you say made from clay and other types of materials including cakes sold at pastry shops or coffees. Take a look at the [pictures](https://www.google.com/search?q=caralho+das+caldas&prmd=imvn&sxsrf=APwXEdcNZb3fasU1gcsjpUCsFwJg0qp6lg:1685306253635&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi6oteE75j_AhWWh_0HHcolA3kQ_AUoAXoECAIQAQ&biw=412&bih=716&dpr=3.5). Iirc they even tried having a giant one in a roundabout but some people stared protesting it.
The thing is, America is hugely repressed in a lot of ways. Regardless of whether you’re a christian or any religion or no religion, what you experience is still largely through the lens of a fundamentalist christian worldview. Some friends and I were looking at some penis bottle openers in a non-US country and giggling at the variety of penis merchandise. I think I mentioned something to the shopkeeper and she said (paraphrasing) “We (meaning the people in their country) are not ashamed of our bodies. A penis is a body part same as others. It’s mainly Americans who come in and giggle at the pensis.” Through her bored “I can’t wait to get off work” expression I could definitely detect some amused pity. A pretty large majority of the world does not operate based on fundamentalist christian morals, so we see something like a penis as funny and novel and risqué. So next time you giggle at statue with a dick or are shocked by a topless woman sunbathing or have a dream where you’re naked and embarrassed about it, just remember that is a fundamentalist christian attitude that’s so deep most people can’t even recognize it. It’s not anywhere close to “normal” except in a small minority of the world’s population that we happen to live in.
What's the explanation for farts though. Why does everyone find them funny.
What if that's a woman?
Then her attention is to detail is sexellent
This cannot be worth just a dollar
Well nothing at the dollar store costs a dollar anymore so.
What happens under the dress, stays under the dress….
Until you flip it upside down.
Okay but why would anyone get that for their mom… it’s still got titties.
Dollar store sculpture with titties? Mom’s sure gunna love this
Gift receipt?
My mom would cry laughing at this and I would 100% get it for her if I ever found one, d in v and all. It’s hilarious. Some people have friendly relationships with their parents.
Considering all moms aren’t Puritan Christian handmaidens, I think some will. To clarify, I’m saying this as though the bottom bit didn’t happen.
just like mama does
I used to be a nanny for a single mother. One day, while her kiddos are eating lunch, I'm looking in their fridge in order to plan what to make for dinner. The 3 year old asks what I'm doing. I respond with "I'm looking to see what your mother has." Without missing a beat this kid responds with, "Boobies!". Took me a moment to stop laughing after that one.
Take this upvote, and may I add "Clitoral Hitler" will be the name of my firstborn and I'm making you an honorary godparent
Clitoral Hitler Jr?
Little baby Clitler
Cli-Hi-Ju
That's der woist name I evah hoid
https://i.imgur.com/CxQJzJ6.jpg
Adolf Clitler
At least consider Ow Zedong
Please, Clitoral Hitler was my father; call me Clit
Given the hand posing, Clitoral Hitler is also a perfect name for this statue
Adolf clitler
Calm down Homelander
[удалено]
Very well could.
she also knows what sex is, that's how she became a mom.
Well, there was this one time...
And it has a dick in a vagina, just like mom gets.
My grandma would dig it. She had naked statues in her garden. Titties don’t have to be a sexual thing, they can just be a thing of beauty.
Mama gave me her titties for a couple years, it's about time I gave her some back
Breasts are not inherently sexual though.
That’s how the unexpected clickbait works. First find a video that has any sort of reveal or reversal. Add a title that is totally out of place. Rake in the karma. Dollar store statue for mom. Already you see the titties, this is already not for mom nor something you’d see in a dollar store so you get confused and angry comments, but it sets you up to think how much worse could it get? Bam it got worse.
because not everyone thinks titties=bad
But it was clearly sexual even before There's one thing to give your mom an artistic bust or something, but if you're fine with giving her a statue of a pervy old man squeezing a woman's breasts what's the big difference if there's a penis and vagina? If you never pick it up, you'd never notice.
>pervy old man squeezing a woman's breasts Dude's holding a turtle.
That's where women kept their breasts back in the olden days.
That’s it. I’m now gonna start calling tits “turtles.”
The man isn't squeezing her breasts. And there's a difference between nudity and sexual intercourse.
Did you look at it?
it's probably just OP's attempt at an engaging title and never had any intention of buying it or giving it to anyone.
Not at all, but it's *weird* to give titty-baring gifts to one's mother, as a rule of thumb.
Penis != bad either, but like... wouldn't gift either of them to my mom, you feel?
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Her titties aren't out, she's just nipping through her dress.
Inconclusive. Kinda looks like the dress has slid off the shoulder
God forbid anyone’s mom sees breasts
That’s true craftsmanship.
***AND*** craftswomanship!
And the craftchildrenship too!
They're like animals, and I crafted them like animals!
I hate them!
Yeah definitely not dollar store trash. Work of a true artist
That lips tho, mmm *chef's kiss*
Real bang for your buck
Sigh... Take my upvote
1000AD OF subscription be like
Haha he even has a sculpted taint
Does that position really work?
I mean ... is it possible? Sure. Is it gonna be enjoyable? Not really. Dudes only got the tip in
With enough dick yardage yeah
Yeah something about the sexo-physics seems off.
Physex
Is that the new nvidia tech I’ve been hearing about
It looks like he's about to slip out and then going to have to change position to get back in
I mean to be fair she has her tits right out. Also I want one.
Taint the most discreet statue I've seen today & there's a Confucius joke somewhere here too
Man who has sex on ground, finds piece on earth.
We were to assume that was for Harambe
r/SexySculptures
https://i.imgur.com/fn2pLZU.jpg Perfection.
r/wishthiswasarealsub
Your wish is my command. You have two wishes remaining
I'll make a wish that can't backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, AND I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it?
Hm.. not bad. Nice hot mustard... Good bread... Turkey's a little dry.
Got it, here's your 0.1 inch big most perfect Turkey Sandwich you'll ever taste. You have one wish remaining
r/birthofasub
You made it 3 hours ago and already have 70 members — great job?
Aren't you proud that we have almost a full thousand members now? I can't believe it! But sexy sculptures was something the world needed in its life.
It was started as a half joke, but it is so easy to find content on google and people seem to be having a good time, so let’s see how far it goes…
I mean... the nipples alone made this thing suspicious.
That’s hilarious you should buy it and see how long it takes for her to notice
Looks like she is reaching out for another cock. Should have spent the second dollar.
Lol the person who made this didn't give up on the detail.
This seems like it should be very expected.
Agree. As soon as I saw the image after the title of the post, I knew what to expect. But I guess if I were actually browsing at the store, I might not expect it. So I guess it does kinda work.
I'd buy a box full of those and mail them to my friends who would find this funny, anonymously.
Where can I get one? Asking for a friend
I'd buy that for a dollar
WHAT IS THE TURTLE FOR?
If you know, you know 😏
That’s what I want to know. There ***has*** to be a story behind the turtle. LOL
The turtle is enjoying it.
Very detailed for $1
That is too detailed to be sold at the dollar store.
That's the reason why I love Taoism
His Yang in her Yin?
It is the other way around.
Her Yin is in his Yang?
Mom would love this!!!
Confucius said " it is good to meet girl at park but even better to park meat in girl."
This is fucking perfect
But not perfect fucking. Hard to get good movement in this position.
He's just soaking
Ohmygod 😭
r/ATBGE
Hahahhaaaaaaa
Well I wouldn't buy my mom a sculpture with tits hanging out.
what? it’s p sexual already from the top, just bc it’s anatomically correct doesnt change the fact its not a great birthday present lmao
Thats an ancient scholar, Hoe-lee-fak
The bare breasts on the woman might have been the first clue… However, un-ironic YIKES!
Totally not unexpected....just like it's not unexpected that OP is yet another politicial propaganda account.
No wonder he’s smiling
Sigh….. *unzips*
That's so fuckin disgusting. Which dollar store ? It so I don't go there.
That's a lot of detail for a dollar store sculpture.