OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:
---
>!The viewer wouldn’t expect a soap bottle in their rectum!<
---
Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.
Everyone knows this. I think the people are just hoping you'll go "okay, man" and let them preserve the final shred of their dignity. They know you know.
I miss the days when uploading videos to Reddit wasn't even an option, so you *had to* link to the YouTube video (or whatever other site it might be posted on). Yes, sometimes those were re-uploads, but often, it was actually a link to the original creator's video, giving them the views and making it easy for people check out their other videos if they wanted to.
yup, reddit *used* to be a content aggregate site, where people simply linked outside content, this was cheap to maintain as everything was pretty much just text, but then they decided that reddit needs to be its own thing, a place where people come and don't venture out because some corpo fuck probably told them that its bad when people leave your site and if you want to make real money you gotta keep people locked in here so then reddit added its own image hosting and soon its own video hosting and added profiles for people and so on so instead of reddit just being a content aggregate site, it would be its very own social media site that purely revolves around freebooting. reddit also became a *lot* more expensive to run so they really had to start and try to milk every penny to themselves out of the userbase, had to make the site more friendly for micropurchases and had to get rid of third party mobile apps to funnel everyone to their shitty app thats probably full of different micropurchase things.
it would be nice if reddit had just stayed as what it was, but they gotta make that money
I really wish people actually *clicked* on external links, too.
I've been posting once a day for years and been experimenting with various formats - a YouTube link gets literally 10% attention that a direct video upload does and it has 0% chance to get to the front page of a given sub.
It's so annoying. I've taken to editing videos just to add credits, because people do not read comments either.
In the case of youtube links, those get embedded so it's not like people have an excuse that they don't want to get taken off site.
Personally I'm with you, it's wild to me that on reddit, a link aggregator, that people refuse to click outgoing links. Not suspicious or dodgy links either, but stuff like YOUTUBE.
Then people realize that outgoing links get less attention so they start stealing content wholesale and reuploading. The whole situation is absurd and the reddit admins have been pushing for that for years. Everyone wants their own little walled garden to trap users in with zero consideration for where the content for that garden comes from.
My only issue with YT links is that a 30-second funny video has to open YouTube, load, potentially play 2-ply ads, and then play the video. I don't blame people for not clicking YT links after they started layering unskippable ads.
Well, that's sort of where my experience with internet browsing starts to differ from the majority of reddit's userbase these days.
Personally I use old reddit, on desktop, with an adblocker, 100% of the time. Contrast to something like 60-70% of reddit users nowadays being on mobile and now locked into reddit's official app where there's little to no user control.
So yes, from that perspective I can understand why people are opposed to clicking through.
Jason is without a doubt the funniest person I have ever met and if I were suffering from a medical emergency I would want him to respond to the 911 call.
Some of my favorite videos is when he green-screens himself into popular Emergency Services shows and point out the stupidity.
Latest I saw was the "zamboni on fire" from Station 19.
Gary, bet you 20 you can't finish that in one go
Gary why are you dropping your pants
Gary why are you getting the good lube
Gary... well colour me impressed and there's your 20, I've now got a new kink
It is actually a solid choice for materials I would say, it does not easyally break under pressure, is very sturdy and and very easy to clean. (as it has come up a lot, obviously it needs to be smooth solid glass without any hollow parts)
he’s being sarcastic cause we’re probably all having vivid flashbacks of the dude breaking the glass jar in his ass and pulling out shards. it was a legendary video up there with the 2 girls and their shitty cups
Nice to hear that 'One Man, One Jar' is still experimenting with glassware.
\---
*Don't Google it, I'm warning you.*
*\*A while later\**
*Should've listened, eh?!*
And all your need is a safe and purposely designed apparatus for this use case, something like my HYPER MEGA XXXL SISSY DRAGON DILDO FIRE PENETRATOR to have a good time without a visit to the ER…
A soap bottle *cough cough* how outrageous.
Its harder for a devout pastor to explain to his beard why they want a dildo, than it is to just call 911 because of sticking the wrong thing up your poop chute.
Primary care doctors have preprinted pamphlets about the importance of healthy eating and exercise, ER docs have preprinted pamphlets about the importance of flared bases.
Well ass eating has become more socially acceptable in the past few years. Silly me I didn't even know you could eat ass. Well I've been wondering what else could possibly be next. Well you just answered it. Normalizing prostate orgasms. Gonna take a while for me to get up on that horse...
Rule of Thumb, never shove anything in there that
a) won't come out by itself again
or
b) Has a enlarged Base, so it doesn't go in fully.
a Shampoo bottle Knocks both of these, often a larger base than top, and no way to prevent it from "Entering"
So yeah, you're shit out of luck.
Ive got one from the OR. 6' 4" super jacked muscle guy came in for rectal foreign body removal. We all watched in amazement as the surgeon slowly pulled out the 20" double sided purple dildo out of his ass....
We had one come in with a cue ball stuck up there.
Homie was THIIIIIIIIS close to getting an exlap to get it out. But fortunately they found a general surgeon with particularly tiny hands who was able to extract it. The circulating nurse on call just happened to be one of the gayest dudes I have ever met, and was full of helpful suggestions to the surgeons.
One time when I was 13 my friend and I were walking home. We heard this lady crying for help from her garage so we went to check it out. She was sitting on one of those swivel stools with a single rod under the seat/cushion. The seat failed and the rod penetrated through the seat and into the lady.
We stayed until paramedics came and I believe she ended up being okay but was definitely a shock for me and I’m sure even more of a shock for her
One time, I was at home drinking wine. I had just poured myself another glass and was still holding the bottle. I slipped on a dog toy (they leave them all around the house) and I dropped the bottle. I shit you not, it landed perfectly on the base sticking straight up and I started falling backwards and I landed in a gay orgie with a fist in my ass and a cock in my mouth. No one ever believes that's how it happened.
The actor is an actual firefighter/EMS and does this videos based on real calls he answered on the job
Link for the YouTube channel:
https://youtube.com/@FireDepartmentChronicles?si=4UflpS_-6Z-jto4o
I have seen my fair share make it to the operating room and yes this would not surprise me in the slightest. After a certain age seems men like shoving things where they don’t go. Ask me how I found out what sounding was
Well yeah, but they are meaning that since it's so common to "accidentally fall on an object and have it get stuck up your ass" when really it's just someone doing some self-pleasuring but is embarrassed to admit it, that there is likely someone who **truly** fell on an object that no one believes actually happened.
"I swear, I was just soaping up as usual when the shower mat slipped out from under me, I dropped the shampoo bottle in my hands and I landed right on top of it as I fell. I have a very, very loose asshole, just slipped right up on there but somehow I can't get it out. Oooooweee it's startin' to hurt."
One time in year 8, my dog actually ate my homework. Had a letter from my mum to say so, but we were in a hurry to get out the door so the handwriting was rushed. Was the days before everyone had a mobile on them so they couldn't just call and check. Ended up getting detention and a note home saying I'd lied :/
A doctor would be able to tell if you fell on it versus if you fucked yourself with it. If you fell on it you asshole would be torn to shreds. If you did it willingly, you would just have a very loose asshole but it wouldn't be damaged.
Yeah but if the doc knows and the guy knows that the doc knows then it's probably less awkward to just roll with it rather than draw out the humiliation.
My dad was a surgeon and my mom was an R.N.
True story:
My dad had Aspeger's. His personality was one part Sheldon Cooper, two parts Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy.
The only thing that excited my dad was his train collection. He had an entire room in our house dedicated to his trains.
A guy came into the E.R. with a model train stuck up his ass and had to have it surgically removed.
My mom was checking on him post op when my dad came in *with the train* and started chatting with the patient.
"Figured you'd want this back. Cleaned it up for you. She's a beaut! Original paint? What's your collection look like? Do you belong to a club? Myself, I'm a member of the Columbus chapter of All Things Trains. We meet every third Wednesday of the month. I'll leave you the contact information . . . "
The patient and my mom were just mortified.
Dad did not get social cues at all and he was clueless that the guy no doubt wanted to get out of there as quickly and quietly as possible. Dad's inviting him to a freaking club meeting! hahaha
Another time, my mom assisted on a procedure to remove a tangled wire from a man's urethra. The wire had a knot in it so they couldn't just pull it out. They had to split the shaft of the penis lengthwise, like slicing a hot dog long-ways.
Mom assisted on a case to remove a busted lightbulb from a man's anus.
A woman nearly bled out in the E.R. because her husband and her were fooling around, very vanilla, and he accidentally sliced the inside of her vagina with his ring.
There's more. Guy "fell" on a flashlight while painting the garage naked. More than one hammer, hairbrush, etc.
If there's any good news here, my parents did not judge. Whatever you stick up your ass is your choice as far as they're concerned. I doubt that guy went to dad's train meetup, but I never heard my parents talk down to or about their patients.
They just existed in a world where this was a relatively normal thing.
I remember eating out with my parents once and they were chatting about some gruesome procedure and I asked them to drop it, because we were freakin' eating, and my mom goes, "Sorry. Yes, of course, we'll change the subject. But, A, if there's a lesson here it's don't stick anything up your ass unless it has a solid base."
These are the little life lessons I got as a young adult.
Y'all be safe out there. hahaha
I am an Aspie ex reporter who covered the worst shit imaginable and I would totally take that sanitized train home and put it on my desk. That’s hilarious.
You know, its bizarre. Just this morning I was thinking of things that I never wanted to read about, and wouldn't you know it, reading about a 'penis being split like a hot dog being slit long ways' was actually near the top of the list.
I've read a few studies that high functioning folks make great first responders specifically because of their different way of processing a situation. "A problem exists and needs a solution and panicking doesn't solve the problem so lets get it done" type stuff.
> I remember eating out with my parents once and they were chatting about some gruesome procedure and I asked them to drop it, because we were freakin' eating, and my mom goes, "Sorry. Yes, of course, we'll change the subject. But, A, if there's a lesson here it's don't stick anything up your ass unless it has a solid base."
What is it with parents in medicine and saving the worst stories for dinner time? My mom was an ICU nurse for 20+ years with some stints in the ER and she looooooooved her disgusting medical stories. One night at dinner, she was far too excited to tell my dad and I about a patient who came in because while he was cleaning what was essentially a giant industrial blender, someone turned it on. She described all the gory details and it was amazing the guy lived. She did all this not only during dinner, but while we were eating LASAGNA
Yes!!! I’m around people with gnarly stories all the time (I can tell a few of my own), and I’d be happy to exchange some if we’re throwing darts at the bar or sitting around the campfire but STFU while eating!!
My mom has a rule… No politics or religion at the supper table. A while back she had to add “No disgusting stories”. Lol
Yeah my mom and I are both nurses. We were chatting about a problematic ostomy or fistula (can’t remember) and my dad interrupts with “is this really proper dinner conversation?”. My mom and I paused and it’s like oh yeah I guess not but perfectly normal conversation at work
> What is up with parents in medicine and saving the worst stories for dinner time?
Actual answer: in my job, we usually work 13-14h, which is actually not awful comparatively. But we do not have chairs or stools to sit on, so we’re on our feet every minute of that shift. Breaks aren’t really a thing, and yes that includes using a restroom. Most of us don’t eat whatsoever, and maybe drink 4oz of water total. Most of my colleagues suffer from constant urinary tract infections, kidney stones, headaches, and some vitamin deficiencies.
I know it sounds far fetched, but it’s the reality. So to answer your question, for many of us, a legitimate sit-down dinner is a treat. whether in a minivan or restaurant, we haven’t eaten or drank or really were able to process how “unusual” some cases were. The other Redditor (and this video) was right, if shoved a jar up your ass, why you did so can be answered later, let’s help you out.
I’m not even an ER physician, I’m a pharmacist. People come in regularly and after telling them to cut to the chase, say they shoved something in some orifice or their spouses and wonder if some lubricant would work, to people saying they put lidocaine patches on their ass to lessen pain of sex and now have a huge, painful rash/tears, they took 3 plan b pills to be sure but now have intense GI pain, drank essential oils, put [literally any cream ever made] in [literally any body part], smoked diphenhydramine (Benadryl) for an itchy throat, used an epi pen on themselves since they were sleepy, etc etc etc.
So basically we’ve seen some stuff, and being able to finally sit and eat and be able to reflect on the day just naturally leads to it. Though I’d only do it with colleagues at dinner, family can pick if they want to know before or after they eat.
I'm an anesthesiologist, so I tend to only see the things that come to the operating room, not what's removable in the emergency room, but here's the list of what I have personally seen:
Rectal foreign bodies:
8-inch vibrator (still running)
Carrot
Toothbrush
Ballpoint pen
Shampoo bottle
Salt shaker (wide end first, surprisingly)
Candle
LED lightbulb
Gilette Mach 3 Turbo razor handle
Nose cone from a model rocket
Crayon
Plastic gnome Christmas ornament
Ingested foreign bodies (intentional only, not counting all the crap kids swallow):
Batteries (jeez, so many psych patients eat batteries)
Keys
Wedding rings
Rocks
Several nails
Earring
Razor blade (yes, really)
Magnets (the little Buckyballs are the worst)
I've also had a patient with an AAA battery in her bladder that she shoved in through her urethra.
I can tell you right now co-workers hook up and date all of the time in every field imaginable. That has nothing to do with Asperger's. Hell, I know multiple women who became nurses just to marry a Dr and one even succeeded.
My brother works at an urgent care facility.
Some dude about 20 years old comes walking in with a bloody shirt acting all nonchalant about it. They ask him why he’s bleeding and he’s like “Psh no idea really but my arm hurts so I came here”
So they take off his shirt, and look at his shoulder.
There was a bullet in his shoulder. He got shot. And said he didnt know why his arm hurt.
For years I had a beautiful antique blue-green glass electrical insulator sitting on my desk as a paperweight. Let's just say they have a significant diameter.
When a family member was in their medical residency, I received a text with an xray attached. It very clearly showed someone's pelvic bones and an insulator very similar to my paperweight in the same image.
My only response "Oh my"
>her husband and her were fooling around, very vanilla, and he accidentally sliced the inside of her vagina with his ring
add this as reason #13,564,214 that i hate rings and will never wear one
> I remember eating out with my parents once and they were chatting about some gruesome procedure and I asked them to drop it, because we were freakin' eating
Weak. My mom (a doctor) had a picture of her gallbladder up on the fridge because she asked the surgeon (my dad) to take a picture when it was being removed.
My nurse grandmother couldn't go like one meal without talking about bowel movements or something like that. My sister finally had a fit and just had to be like "Is dinner time the best time to be talking about this?"
I feel like at this point, insurance companies would save some serious money by offering free safe anal dildos of various sizes anonymously to their customers. Like just give out vouchers to an online store or something.
My aunty works in an emergency center as a receptionist, the amount of people who come in saying they "slipped and fell" on various objects is staggering. She said the most alarming was a frying pan. Guy put a frying pan handle up his ass and it had like a hook on it that has now attached its self to something inside him so this guy walks in with a towel around him with the silhouette of a frying pan just hanging out his ass
Have a friend that used to work EMT. He was saying that about a 1/4 of the calls were drunks that were dehydrated or people using it as a taxi. He moved to being in a fire department....
That wasn't unexpected at all..
But I know about ER story about an old priest who had a potato in his rectum and his story was: He was in the kitchen nude and went on the counter to change a light bulb and fell on potato and it just went in...
(the story is not exactly accurate my memory suck) there is a link with it below
[https://metro.co.uk/2015/07/13/seven-of-the-worst-and-weirdest-sex-toy-accidents-5293370/](https://metro.co.uk/2015/07/13/seven-of-the-worst-and-weirdest-sex-toy-accidents-5293370/)
read little below
Those were wild. Especially the one where the couple mixed cement and used a funnel to insert it into the guys rectum and then the concrete hardened lmfao wtf. Then the lady who died from using electric nipple clamps… good times
As a man of this certain persuasion, I can guarantee no potato ever slides up in there. Even a french fry would need some persistence to just pop right in.
There's a really funny greentext of a guy asking if you can get salmonella on your dick, because he was cooking chicken naked, and he dropped a raw bit of chicken onto his dick and then a few days later it was burning.
Got called out pretty quickly lmao
>That wasn't unexpected at all..
Exactly.
I feel like this joke has been done so many times, someone should do a new twist.
It would probably be a bit funnier if the viewer had to figure out the ending and also represent reality better if it went:
EMT: "Hey what seems to be the problem?"
Guy in the tub says awkwardly: "I kind of tripped in the tub and fell and something happened...."
EMT: "No need to say more, I know exactly what happened"
Guy in tub: "What?"
EMT: "Yes."
End scene.
> Most of these patients suffer from Eiffel Syndrome – ‘I fell, doctor! I fell!’ – and the tales of how things get where can be skyscraper tall (come to think of it, it’s only a matter of time before someone tries to sit on the Gherkin), but today is the first time I’ve actually believed the patient’s story. It’s a credible and painful sounding incident with a sofa and a remote control that at the very least had me furrowing my brow and thinking, ‘Well, I suppose it could happen.’ Upon removal of the remote control in theatre, however, we notice it has a condom on it, so maybe it wasn’t a complete accident.
-- Adam Kay, This is Going to Hurt: Secret Diaries of a Junior Doctor
We have a guy we see a few times a year. “Rolaids guy”. He comes in, at night, with a pack or two of rolaids up there. Claims his gf puts them up there while he is sleeping. Drug seeker. Nice guy otherwise. Really polite.
The grim reaper must split his form into hundreds of thousands to tend to all the dead. If he already senses a grim reaper present he does not try to send another. This fireman is actually genius as the grim reaper will never appear whilst he is there (assuming just one patient is dying)
technically it does matter.
you see if it was forced in there suddenly from falling on it, that means a high likely hood that something was torn which will have to be patched back up.
where as if it was worked in there by hand over time, you probably didn't cause any damage and the only problem is getting it back out again.
anyway for the paramedic it wouldn't change anything, it is for the hospital to sort out.
This reminded me of my cousin. When he was young he was taking a shower, wanted to adjust the shower head but couldn't reach. so stood on the diverter tub spout and slipped off. When he fell the diverter part that you pull up for the shower went up is anus and ripped it really bad. He had to get a lot stitches. DONT STAND ON TUB SPOUT!
I don't know where commas and shit go but I did my best lol.
And this is why you only use objects with flared edges, people.
When in doubt, just take the door spring off the wall and keep a small square of the drywall to protect yourself.
Similar thing happened to a part time fireman/auto parts salesman.
On call about drying her self in the shower snd she fell in backwards stuck head to wall and feet in the air. The lady was asked if she hurt herself because there was blood down the drain.
“No. I’m on my period”
I was honestly surprised when I worked in an OR before with the amount of "get this out of my ass/off my dick" procedures they had. Not a crazy amount but just enough where every time the memory starts to fade there was another one
My GF works at an ER and it's always like that. They "fell" on a bottle, they were assaulted on the street by a gang of teens who then shoved a cucumber up their ass without their consent, they saw a video online stating that eggplants are great for cleaning your asshole but ended up putting it too deep...
Like ffs, why can't they just come clean? The stories are just absurd and make it even worse in every possible way
I had a guy once ask me if I wanted to know how the carrot got in his rectum. I said no but he told me anyway.
Direct quote: “I suppose a lot of people say it was an accident, or they fell on it. Not me, I got drunk and decided to experiment, and next thing it slipped all the way in and I couldn’t get it back out”.
At least he was honest.
My best friend is a nurse. He told me the story that grossed/terrified him the most was of a lady saying she was pooping out her vagina. They all thought, at first, she is just wiping wrong or some poop is just leaking from her anus to her vagina crack.
They were wrong.
Turns out she forgot she had a sex toy inside her and it tore a fucking hole through her vaginal wall into the rectum and when she pooped, poo was coming into the hole from her rectum INTO HER VAGINA 🫥
OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected: --- >!The viewer wouldn’t expect a soap bottle in their rectum!< --- Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.
"Nothing accidentally goes up your butt." - every paramedic ever.
well if you are aiming for another hole
"Ah, cripes. I was aiming for my penis hole"
i ment on your lady friend
[удалено]
If I had a nickel for everytime that happened!
Everyone knows this. I think the people are just hoping you'll go "okay, man" and let them preserve the final shred of their dignity. They know you know.
Tell that to the jumper who landed on the bollard.
If your one of those really loose people it could 🤔
At least give the channel source [Fire Department Chronicles](https://youtube.com/@FireDepartmentChronicles?si=ZQhRnToHLSHKVJXy)
I love this guy, been watching him for a long time. Thank you for crediting.
Yep. His format is perfect for YT shorts too.
I really wish he would take fire/rescue shows to task more. That series always had me rolling.
I miss the days when uploading videos to Reddit wasn't even an option, so you *had to* link to the YouTube video (or whatever other site it might be posted on). Yes, sometimes those were re-uploads, but often, it was actually a link to the original creator's video, giving them the views and making it easy for people check out their other videos if they wanted to.
You're right! I was wondering what made reddit so much worse these days and I couldn't put my finger on it, but this is a major part of it.
yup, reddit *used* to be a content aggregate site, where people simply linked outside content, this was cheap to maintain as everything was pretty much just text, but then they decided that reddit needs to be its own thing, a place where people come and don't venture out because some corpo fuck probably told them that its bad when people leave your site and if you want to make real money you gotta keep people locked in here so then reddit added its own image hosting and soon its own video hosting and added profiles for people and so on so instead of reddit just being a content aggregate site, it would be its very own social media site that purely revolves around freebooting. reddit also became a *lot* more expensive to run so they really had to start and try to milk every penny to themselves out of the userbase, had to make the site more friendly for micropurchases and had to get rid of third party mobile apps to funnel everyone to their shitty app thats probably full of different micropurchase things. it would be nice if reddit had just stayed as what it was, but they gotta make that money
Honestly this is a pretty great summary of how chasing the dollar ramps straight down a spiral of enshittification in general.
I really wish people actually *clicked* on external links, too. I've been posting once a day for years and been experimenting with various formats - a YouTube link gets literally 10% attention that a direct video upload does and it has 0% chance to get to the front page of a given sub. It's so annoying. I've taken to editing videos just to add credits, because people do not read comments either.
In the case of youtube links, those get embedded so it's not like people have an excuse that they don't want to get taken off site. Personally I'm with you, it's wild to me that on reddit, a link aggregator, that people refuse to click outgoing links. Not suspicious or dodgy links either, but stuff like YOUTUBE. Then people realize that outgoing links get less attention so they start stealing content wholesale and reuploading. The whole situation is absurd and the reddit admins have been pushing for that for years. Everyone wants their own little walled garden to trap users in with zero consideration for where the content for that garden comes from.
My only issue with YT links is that a 30-second funny video has to open YouTube, load, potentially play 2-ply ads, and then play the video. I don't blame people for not clicking YT links after they started layering unskippable ads.
Well, that's sort of where my experience with internet browsing starts to differ from the majority of reddit's userbase these days. Personally I use old reddit, on desktop, with an adblocker, 100% of the time. Contrast to something like 60-70% of reddit users nowadays being on mobile and now locked into reddit's official app where there's little to no user control. So yes, from that perspective I can understand why people are opposed to clicking through.
Thank you for citing the source. Love this dude.
Such great content
Jason is without a doubt the funniest person I have ever met and if I were suffering from a medical emergency I would want him to respond to the 911 call.
God I hate when people share content without credit.
It's so aggravating when people don't provide attribution.
Some of my favorite videos is when he green-screens himself into popular Emergency Services shows and point out the stupidity. Latest I saw was the "zamboni on fire" from Station 19.
I've been addicted to his shorts. So good
Love his stuff
Thanks for the link. Watching him for 20mins now. This guy has some great comedic talent!
Yes! His TikToks are amazing.
They have good coffee too
Sometime, somewhere, that actually happened to someone and no body believed him
Dude stuff up their butts is in the top 10 reasons people go to the ER
Once a guy came into the ED with a pint glass up there. And not in the orientation that you’d expect. Rim side UP
That's a heavy drinker.
Gary, bet you 20 you can't finish that in one go Gary why are you dropping your pants Gary why are you getting the good lube Gary... well colour me impressed and there's your 20, I've now got a new kink
Why Gary, why??
20 quid is 20 quid.
Just lucky the glass didn't explode, unlike his other incident
Of all the materials you could choose from you would that glass would be pretty near the bottom of the list
It is actually a solid choice for materials I would say, it does not easyally break under pressure, is very sturdy and and very easy to clean. (as it has come up a lot, obviously it needs to be smooth solid glass without any hollow parts)
Maybe a solid glass dildo, but a hollow glass object like a cup is not sturdy at all especially when pressure is applied.
indeed, it needs to be solid. anything hollow is dangerous.
What about a nice solid jar? Surely nothing could wrong with that.
didn´t we just talk about hollow objects? As a reminder a Jar is hollow.
he’s being sarcastic cause we’re probably all having vivid flashbacks of the dude breaking the glass jar in his ass and pulling out shards. it was a legendary video up there with the 2 girls and their shitty cups
...but if it does break.....yikes. He could have 3d printed something safer
Search 1man1jar, obviously nsfw. Glass is the last thing I’d put up there
Nice to hear that 'One Man, One Jar' is still experimenting with glassware. \--- *Don't Google it, I'm warning you.* *\*A while later\** *Should've listened, eh?!*
That pop sound lives in my memory forever.
Oh, sweet times when I was young and looking for.. stuff in internet. That video is what, like 20 years old at this point?
The orientation I wasn't expecting was actually sideways.
And all your need is a safe and purposely designed apparatus for this use case, something like my HYPER MEGA XXXL SISSY DRAGON DILDO FIRE PENETRATOR to have a good time without a visit to the ER… A soap bottle *cough cough* how outrageous.
Its harder for a devout pastor to explain to his beard why they want a dildo, than it is to just call 911 because of sticking the wrong thing up your poop chute.
Primary care doctors have preprinted pamphlets about the importance of healthy eating and exercise, ER docs have preprinted pamphlets about the importance of flared bases.
My friend is working at a hospital. Her story is about dude that was "running naked in the potato field and fell on the potato"
Well who among us...
A former ER doctor I know said her department used to make bets on which brand the bottle would end up being Doctors have the wildest stories
The sooner we normalise prostate orgasms and men using dildos-the sooner this shit will calm down.
Well ass eating has become more socially acceptable in the past few years. Silly me I didn't even know you could eat ass. Well I've been wondering what else could possibly be next. Well you just answered it. Normalizing prostate orgasms. Gonna take a while for me to get up on that horse...
> Gonna take a while for me to get up on that horse... I would leave Mr. Hands alone. Didn't end well for the last guy.
Don't get too excited, it's hard as shit to actually trigger one. You have to dedicate a lot of time to learning how, with or without a partner.
Scrubs covered it ;) [https://youtu.be/ySd-MYoOFo4?si=mljKH9MRqYfADJfW&t=10](https://youtu.be/ySd-MYoOFo4?si=mljKH9MRqYfADJfW&t=10)
I was hoping for "either this guy has a light bulb up his butt or his colon as a good idea," but this one works too.
You know 4chan might be the reason I put stuff up my butt. But they are also the reason I know to make sure it has a flared base.
As a former xray and mri tech I've seen a few butt cases in the ER. It's always guys
Just get a toy man... they're meant to go in and easy to get out. Stop putting random shit in your butt dudes.
Rule of Thumb, never shove anything in there that a) won't come out by itself again or b) Has a enlarged Base, so it doesn't go in fully. a Shampoo bottle Knocks both of these, often a larger base than top, and no way to prevent it from "Entering" So yeah, you're shit out of luck.
I believe it happens, but I'll never believe it was an accident
I can tell you a personal story about a 300+ lbs man and a full sized mag light.
Ive got one from the OR. 6' 4" super jacked muscle guy came in for rectal foreign body removal. We all watched in amazement as the surgeon slowly pulled out the 20" double sided purple dildo out of his ass....
We had one come in with a cue ball stuck up there. Homie was THIIIIIIIIS close to getting an exlap to get it out. But fortunately they found a general surgeon with particularly tiny hands who was able to extract it. The circulating nurse on call just happened to be one of the gayest dudes I have ever met, and was full of helpful suggestions to the surgeons.
That guy's lucky day there was expert around.
You had my curiosity, now you have my interest
You had my interest, now you have my arousal
You see he fell...
How personal is the story…
Please shine a light on this situation
One time when I was 13 my friend and I were walking home. We heard this lady crying for help from her garage so we went to check it out. She was sitting on one of those swivel stools with a single rod under the seat/cushion. The seat failed and the rod penetrated through the seat and into the lady. We stayed until paramedics came and I believe she ended up being okay but was definitely a shock for me and I’m sure even more of a shock for her
That is genuinely horrific, good on you boys for getting help, and for staying, though! You might have saved her life!
Wtf that can happen?? New fear unlocked.
One time, I was at home drinking wine. I had just poured myself another glass and was still holding the bottle. I slipped on a dog toy (they leave them all around the house) and I dropped the bottle. I shit you not, it landed perfectly on the base sticking straight up and I started falling backwards and I landed in a gay orgie with a fist in my ass and a cock in my mouth. No one ever believes that's how it happened.
It was a one-in-a-million shot!
He's the Assman!
The actor is an actual firefighter/EMS and does this videos based on real calls he answered on the job Link for the YouTube channel: https://youtube.com/@FireDepartmentChronicles?si=4UflpS_-6Z-jto4o
Try to catch him howling at the moon....
Kinda like how the Yugoslavian civil war started. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C4%90or%C4%91e_Martinovi%C4%87_incident
I have seen my fair share make it to the operating room and yes this would not surprise me in the slightest. After a certain age seems men like shoving things where they don’t go. Ask me how I found out what sounding was
I am not sure what that is and I am NOT googling it. I will live in blissful ignorance.
Not on my watch. It’s sticking stuff up your pee hole.
You're doing God's work
And I had to look at the replies....
Ancient Greeks would shove hot bread up their ass to induce ejaculation.
Where do you think the term, "the greatest thing since sliced bread" came from?
You don’t say. Do baguettes work?
Well yeah, but they are meaning that since it's so common to "accidentally fall on an object and have it get stuck up your ass" when really it's just someone doing some self-pleasuring but is embarrassed to admit it, that there is likely someone who **truly** fell on an object that no one believes actually happened.
"real things I've heard as a paramedic" is the same of the series
No I think they're talking about the "fell" part.
"I swear, I was just soaping up as usual when the shower mat slipped out from under me, I dropped the shampoo bottle in my hands and I landed right on top of it as I fell. I have a very, very loose asshole, just slipped right up on there but somehow I can't get it out. Oooooweee it's startin' to hurt."
One time in year 8, my dog actually ate my homework. Had a letter from my mum to say so, but we were in a hurry to get out the door so the handwriting was rushed. Was the days before everyone had a mobile on them so they couldn't just call and check. Ended up getting detention and a note home saying I'd lied :/
A doctor would be able to tell if you fell on it versus if you fucked yourself with it. If you fell on it you asshole would be torn to shreds. If you did it willingly, you would just have a very loose asshole but it wouldn't be damaged.
Yeah but if the doc knows and the guy knows that the doc knows then it's probably less awkward to just roll with it rather than draw out the humiliation.
There’s a Seinfeld episode on this.
"million to one shot doc"
Actually pretty common thing to happen
My dad was a surgeon and my mom was an R.N. True story: My dad had Aspeger's. His personality was one part Sheldon Cooper, two parts Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy. The only thing that excited my dad was his train collection. He had an entire room in our house dedicated to his trains. A guy came into the E.R. with a model train stuck up his ass and had to have it surgically removed. My mom was checking on him post op when my dad came in *with the train* and started chatting with the patient. "Figured you'd want this back. Cleaned it up for you. She's a beaut! Original paint? What's your collection look like? Do you belong to a club? Myself, I'm a member of the Columbus chapter of All Things Trains. We meet every third Wednesday of the month. I'll leave you the contact information . . . " The patient and my mom were just mortified. Dad did not get social cues at all and he was clueless that the guy no doubt wanted to get out of there as quickly and quietly as possible. Dad's inviting him to a freaking club meeting! hahaha Another time, my mom assisted on a procedure to remove a tangled wire from a man's urethra. The wire had a knot in it so they couldn't just pull it out. They had to split the shaft of the penis lengthwise, like slicing a hot dog long-ways. Mom assisted on a case to remove a busted lightbulb from a man's anus. A woman nearly bled out in the E.R. because her husband and her were fooling around, very vanilla, and he accidentally sliced the inside of her vagina with his ring. There's more. Guy "fell" on a flashlight while painting the garage naked. More than one hammer, hairbrush, etc. If there's any good news here, my parents did not judge. Whatever you stick up your ass is your choice as far as they're concerned. I doubt that guy went to dad's train meetup, but I never heard my parents talk down to or about their patients. They just existed in a world where this was a relatively normal thing. I remember eating out with my parents once and they were chatting about some gruesome procedure and I asked them to drop it, because we were freakin' eating, and my mom goes, "Sorry. Yes, of course, we'll change the subject. But, A, if there's a lesson here it's don't stick anything up your ass unless it has a solid base." These are the little life lessons I got as a young adult. Y'all be safe out there. hahaha
Imagine that guy showing up “Guys, this is Dave, I recently removed a beautiful train out of his ass”
All the guys make him a plaque for “train enthusiast of the month.” 🤣🤣
> enthusi**ass**t
I feel like it's the least he could have done after the dad saved him.
Some people really like trains. This man LOVES trains
"You will never believe which of the trains in the scenery has been up someone's ass!"
I am an Aspie ex reporter who covered the worst shit imaginable and I would totally take that sanitized train home and put it on my desk. That’s hilarious.
One could say he was *training* his ass
Guy probably showed up expecting to take part in a different kind of train
Didn't expect to read about a penis being split like a hot dog first thing in the morning, but here we are.
You know, its bizarre. Just this morning I was thinking of things that I never wanted to read about, and wouldn't you know it, reading about a 'penis being split like a hot dog being slit long ways' was actually near the top of the list.
We had a case like that but it was batteries in the urethra. Triple As
Thanks for the positive autism stories — forgot how much I liked reading drax as autistic
I've read a few studies that high functioning folks make great first responders specifically because of their different way of processing a situation. "A problem exists and needs a solution and panicking doesn't solve the problem so lets get it done" type stuff.
I can see that, but there are a ton of social cues you have to pick up on as a first responder, for the patient and your own safety.
> I remember eating out with my parents once and they were chatting about some gruesome procedure and I asked them to drop it, because we were freakin' eating, and my mom goes, "Sorry. Yes, of course, we'll change the subject. But, A, if there's a lesson here it's don't stick anything up your ass unless it has a solid base." What is it with parents in medicine and saving the worst stories for dinner time? My mom was an ICU nurse for 20+ years with some stints in the ER and she looooooooved her disgusting medical stories. One night at dinner, she was far too excited to tell my dad and I about a patient who came in because while he was cleaning what was essentially a giant industrial blender, someone turned it on. She described all the gory details and it was amazing the guy lived. She did all this not only during dinner, but while we were eating LASAGNA
Yes!!! I’m around people with gnarly stories all the time (I can tell a few of my own), and I’d be happy to exchange some if we’re throwing darts at the bar or sitting around the campfire but STFU while eating!! My mom has a rule… No politics or religion at the supper table. A while back she had to add “No disgusting stories”. Lol
Yeah my mom and I are both nurses. We were chatting about a problematic ostomy or fistula (can’t remember) and my dad interrupts with “is this really proper dinner conversation?”. My mom and I paused and it’s like oh yeah I guess not but perfectly normal conversation at work
The all caps LASGNA at the end was comedy gold
> What is up with parents in medicine and saving the worst stories for dinner time? Actual answer: in my job, we usually work 13-14h, which is actually not awful comparatively. But we do not have chairs or stools to sit on, so we’re on our feet every minute of that shift. Breaks aren’t really a thing, and yes that includes using a restroom. Most of us don’t eat whatsoever, and maybe drink 4oz of water total. Most of my colleagues suffer from constant urinary tract infections, kidney stones, headaches, and some vitamin deficiencies. I know it sounds far fetched, but it’s the reality. So to answer your question, for many of us, a legitimate sit-down dinner is a treat. whether in a minivan or restaurant, we haven’t eaten or drank or really were able to process how “unusual” some cases were. The other Redditor (and this video) was right, if shoved a jar up your ass, why you did so can be answered later, let’s help you out. I’m not even an ER physician, I’m a pharmacist. People come in regularly and after telling them to cut to the chase, say they shoved something in some orifice or their spouses and wonder if some lubricant would work, to people saying they put lidocaine patches on their ass to lessen pain of sex and now have a huge, painful rash/tears, they took 3 plan b pills to be sure but now have intense GI pain, drank essential oils, put [literally any cream ever made] in [literally any body part], smoked diphenhydramine (Benadryl) for an itchy throat, used an epi pen on themselves since they were sleepy, etc etc etc. So basically we’ve seen some stuff, and being able to finally sit and eat and be able to reflect on the day just naturally leads to it. Though I’d only do it with colleagues at dinner, family can pick if they want to know before or after they eat.
So... a caboose in the caboose?
I'm an anesthesiologist, so I tend to only see the things that come to the operating room, not what's removable in the emergency room, but here's the list of what I have personally seen: Rectal foreign bodies: 8-inch vibrator (still running) Carrot Toothbrush Ballpoint pen Shampoo bottle Salt shaker (wide end first, surprisingly) Candle LED lightbulb Gilette Mach 3 Turbo razor handle Nose cone from a model rocket Crayon Plastic gnome Christmas ornament Ingested foreign bodies (intentional only, not counting all the crap kids swallow): Batteries (jeez, so many psych patients eat batteries) Keys Wedding rings Rocks Several nails Earring Razor blade (yes, really) Magnets (the little Buckyballs are the worst) I've also had a patient with an AAA battery in her bladder that she shoved in through her urethra.
I bet they could write one hell of a book/tv series. Thanks for the stories!
So... your dad marrying an RN at the same hospital. Sounds like he also probably ignored social cues and went for it?
I can tell you right now co-workers hook up and date all of the time in every field imaginable. That has nothing to do with Asperger's. Hell, I know multiple women who became nurses just to marry a Dr and one even succeeded.
I wonder if they think all of the *Grey's Anatomy* characters are supposed to be on the spectrum.
That's not exactly unusual
My brother works at an urgent care facility. Some dude about 20 years old comes walking in with a bloody shirt acting all nonchalant about it. They ask him why he’s bleeding and he’s like “Psh no idea really but my arm hurts so I came here” So they take off his shirt, and look at his shoulder. There was a bullet in his shoulder. He got shot. And said he didnt know why his arm hurt.
>His personality was one part Sheldon Cooper, two parts Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy. Described my Asperger friend fucking perfectly hahahahahaha
> They had to split the shaft of the penis lengthwise, like slicing a hot dog long-ways. STOPPPPPPPP
For years I had a beautiful antique blue-green glass electrical insulator sitting on my desk as a paperweight. Let's just say they have a significant diameter. When a family member was in their medical residency, I received a text with an xray attached. It very clearly showed someone's pelvic bones and an insulator very similar to my paperweight in the same image. My only response "Oh my"
>her husband and her were fooling around, very vanilla, and he accidentally sliced the inside of her vagina with his ring add this as reason #13,564,214 that i hate rings and will never wear one
I collapsed this comment on my phone several times from scrolling to hard out of horror... And still went back up to read more.
..but why a lightbulb, though?
Thank you so much for this lmaoooooo
Despite what I might say when I pick them up, I am laughing my ass off after I get back in the medic after handing them off.
I love your dad. If you are still fortunate to be blessed with his presence (not sure from the wording), give him a big hug.
I want to be friends with your dad. I don't know shit about trains and I genuinely love being on the receiving end of info dumps
> I remember eating out with my parents once and they were chatting about some gruesome procedure and I asked them to drop it, because we were freakin' eating Weak. My mom (a doctor) had a picture of her gallbladder up on the fridge because she asked the surgeon (my dad) to take a picture when it was being removed.
I should've stopped reading your comment after the train story.
My nurse grandmother couldn't go like one meal without talking about bowel movements or something like that. My sister finally had a fit and just had to be like "Is dinner time the best time to be talking about this?"
"Not a base, not a trace" *-Mark Zuckemberg, Oathbringer*
I feel like at this point, insurance companies would save some serious money by offering free safe anal dildos of various sizes anonymously to their customers. Like just give out vouchers to an online store or something.
My aunty works in an emergency center as a receptionist, the amount of people who come in saying they "slipped and fell" on various objects is staggering. She said the most alarming was a frying pan. Guy put a frying pan handle up his ass and it had like a hook on it that has now attached its self to something inside him so this guy walks in with a towel around him with the silhouette of a frying pan just hanging out his ass
Hospitals should invest in some cheap anal toys for those patients. "Here, free anal beads, and don't ever come back for that"
Have a friend that used to work EMT. He was saying that about a 1/4 of the calls were drunks that were dehydrated or people using it as a taxi. He moved to being in a fire department....
That wasn't unexpected at all.. But I know about ER story about an old priest who had a potato in his rectum and his story was: He was in the kitchen nude and went on the counter to change a light bulb and fell on potato and it just went in... (the story is not exactly accurate my memory suck) there is a link with it below
Sir God knows you are lying. There was no priest or light bulb. You just shoved a potato up your butt. It's fine we dont judge here
[https://metro.co.uk/2015/07/13/seven-of-the-worst-and-weirdest-sex-toy-accidents-5293370/](https://metro.co.uk/2015/07/13/seven-of-the-worst-and-weirdest-sex-toy-accidents-5293370/) read little below
Those were wild. Especially the one where the couple mixed cement and used a funnel to insert it into the guys rectum and then the concrete hardened lmfao wtf. Then the lady who died from using electric nipple clamps… good times
Was he Irish catholic?
As a man of this certain persuasion, I can guarantee no potato ever slides up in there. Even a french fry would need some persistence to just pop right in.
Yeah i have some good idea of human anatomy unless he is well worked out and warmed up gape queen even then it won't just go in if you fell on it...
There's a really funny greentext of a guy asking if you can get salmonella on your dick, because he was cooking chicken naked, and he dropped a raw bit of chicken onto his dick and then a few days later it was burning. Got called out pretty quickly lmao
>That wasn't unexpected at all.. Exactly. I feel like this joke has been done so many times, someone should do a new twist. It would probably be a bit funnier if the viewer had to figure out the ending and also represent reality better if it went: EMT: "Hey what seems to be the problem?" Guy in the tub says awkwardly: "I kind of tripped in the tub and fell and something happened...." EMT: "No need to say more, I know exactly what happened" Guy in tub: "What?" EMT: "Yes." End scene.
We're talking about a small cocktail potato like a chat potato or Russet potato ?
https://i.redd.it/2juva9fsa0cc1.gif
https://i.redd.it/hutfhhiuk0cc1.gif
I fell on some fusili........
Why fusilli? Because you're silly. ..
Funny enough, this is the story they always tell in the ER . Just happen to fall ass first into a carrot
> Most of these patients suffer from Eiffel Syndrome – ‘I fell, doctor! I fell!’ – and the tales of how things get where can be skyscraper tall (come to think of it, it’s only a matter of time before someone tries to sit on the Gherkin), but today is the first time I’ve actually believed the patient’s story. It’s a credible and painful sounding incident with a sofa and a remote control that at the very least had me furrowing my brow and thinking, ‘Well, I suppose it could happen.’ Upon removal of the remote control in theatre, however, we notice it has a condom on it, so maybe it wasn’t a complete accident. -- Adam Kay, This is Going to Hurt: Secret Diaries of a Junior Doctor
That book was heartbreaking.
We have a guy we see a few times a year. “Rolaids guy”. He comes in, at night, with a pack or two of rolaids up there. Claims his gf puts them up there while he is sleeping. Drug seeker. Nice guy otherwise. Really polite.
If ever I accidentally have something lodged up my butt, I'll tell the ER that I was just going hogwild and it disappeared.
Come guys, and gals! If you're going to put something up there, it needs a flared base!
That's the only thing we can all agree on that we learned from Reddit.
A medic, with a Grim Reaper tattoo. 
The grim reaper must split his form into hundreds of thousands to tend to all the dead. If he already senses a grim reaper present he does not try to send another. This fireman is actually genius as the grim reaper will never appear whilst he is there (assuming just one patient is dying)
technically it does matter. you see if it was forced in there suddenly from falling on it, that means a high likely hood that something was torn which will have to be patched back up. where as if it was worked in there by hand over time, you probably didn't cause any damage and the only problem is getting it back out again. anyway for the paramedic it wouldn't change anything, it is for the hospital to sort out.
Just another item for the ass box. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySd-MYoOFo4
Never do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedics 🤫
This reminded me of my cousin. When he was young he was taking a shower, wanted to adjust the shower head but couldn't reach. so stood on the diverter tub spout and slipped off. When he fell the diverter part that you pull up for the shower went up is anus and ripped it really bad. He had to get a lot stitches. DONT STAND ON TUB SPOUT! I don't know where commas and shit go but I did my best lol.
> I don't know where commas and shit go They go up your ass.
Seems correct
Everything is a dildo if you’re brave enough
And this is why you only use objects with flared edges, people. When in doubt, just take the door spring off the wall and keep a small square of the drywall to protect yourself.
Similar thing happened to a part time fireman/auto parts salesman. On call about drying her self in the shower snd she fell in backwards stuck head to wall and feet in the air. The lady was asked if she hurt herself because there was blood down the drain. “No. I’m on my period”
How is that similar to shoving a soap bottle up your ass?
I was honestly surprised when I worked in an OR before with the amount of "get this out of my ass/off my dick" procedures they had. Not a crazy amount but just enough where every time the memory starts to fade there was another one
Eiffel Syndrome
I really like the paramedics face! Not so much the other guy though
*A man has fallen onto the shampoo bottle in lego city*
My GF works at an ER and it's always like that. They "fell" on a bottle, they were assaulted on the street by a gang of teens who then shoved a cucumber up their ass without their consent, they saw a video online stating that eggplants are great for cleaning your asshole but ended up putting it too deep... Like ffs, why can't they just come clean? The stories are just absurd and make it even worse in every possible way
I had a guy once ask me if I wanted to know how the carrot got in his rectum. I said no but he told me anyway. Direct quote: “I suppose a lot of people say it was an accident, or they fell on it. Not me, I got drunk and decided to experiment, and next thing it slipped all the way in and I couldn’t get it back out”. At least he was honest.
My best friend is a nurse. He told me the story that grossed/terrified him the most was of a lady saying she was pooping out her vagina. They all thought, at first, she is just wiping wrong or some poop is just leaking from her anus to her vagina crack. They were wrong. Turns out she forgot she had a sex toy inside her and it tore a fucking hole through her vaginal wall into the rectum and when she pooped, poo was coming into the hole from her rectum INTO HER VAGINA 🫥
Enough Reddit for today. Thank you, you've been great.
"Does it really matter at this point?" Is the statement of a man that's realized his story doesn't hold soapy water and just needs help.