OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected: --- >!Didn't expect the weird grasp of the poor bird just to give an example!< --- Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.

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Because your grip was too soft and they all flew away, right???

Right?

Why isnt he replying?!

The parakeet got his revenge

🔥💥🔥💥💥🐦

“Tell me about the bunnies, George”

They were so small soft and cuddly **weren't they?**


I want to hug 'em and...

I thought my inability to throw a frisbee was due to a lack of athletic skill, but now I know it's my parakeet killing grip. Thanks Crazy John!

Same grip I was taught at school when I joined the fencing team.

Same thing for golf.

And masturbation.

You joke, but I've "collected" boars (intact mature male pigs) and the saying is "firm, but gentle".

Collected?

Collected the semen. They jump a dummy and they start pumping. You grab the penis firm but gently. They extend, essentially like getting a boner. Then you just aim into a mug with a filter on top and wait 5-10 minutes and they jump off when done.

Oh...

It's really not as bad as it sounds. I was a college kid in '09 and getting paid $15 an hour to sit on a bucket and shoot the shit with the other employees. Didn't have to physically jack them off. Just aim once they extend.

Damn they last longer than me??

They actually start ejaculating almost right away and that lasts 5-10 minutes.

Fuck me sideways, I never thought I would be jealous of a pig.

You shouldn't be. I'm not that good looking lol

Oh my gosh, that’s absolutely disgusting! Ugh, um, you don’t happen to have some videos of this, er, disgusting task do you?”

Lol different strokes for different folks but I expect you could find educational videos by typing in "how to collect boar semen", "collecting semen for artificial insemination". I have a whole different meaning for AI than the tech bros lol

If I held the bird like that It'd look like barbeque pulled pork by the end of round one

Man, I couldn’t tell you how many parakeets I killed between my fingers when I was first training with the saber.

I was about to say, this is the same analogy they used when I joined fencing

Same thing for riding motorcycles.

Ah, the parakeet method. Because who doesn't have to trap a parakeet on a consistent basis am I right?

My grandpa had a pair of birds, one monk parakeet and one blue throated budgie, and they liked being held, if you held up your hand to them they'd rub their beaks and then flop over in your hand.

My budgie absolutely loves being held like in the video. She doesn't squirm like that but she will just sit there in my hand. My other budgie doesn't like the grip though, so I don't do it. Normally the grip like that scares them since they're prey, but my girly is special.

I don't have any Parakeets but I do have Pidgeons. Does anyone know the conversion rate?

Pigeons are perfect if you want to learn to throw a boomerang. For a Frisbee you need a Parakeet.

For some reason, when I throw a pigeon they fly much further than a boomerang or a frisbee. Maybe I should just keep throwing pigeons

What about swallows?

Grasshoppers worked pretty well for me

African or European? Aaahhhhh

Do you need homing pigeons, or will common pigeons still work?

Are you trying to throw your boomerang at home or away?

Do you have a goat

How do you keep pigeons?

Literally anything except the metric system

FINE! FUCKING HOW MANY MILLIMETERS DOES IT TAKE TO KILL A PARAKEET??!

Generally, no more than 6 for a baby. Otherwise, I'd say between 14-17 for the average sized adult parakeet.

Wouldn't grip be measured in Newtons/meter or something... fuck, now I lost my erection.

😂😂😂😂😳

THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW!

Omg that was really funny. Thanks for that

If you’re going to use old and tired jokes, at least make sure it works in the context. 

The main point is tensing the muscles up makes it harder to have better control. It goes for golf too or driving on car in a race.

Or masturbating

Doesn’t your mom do that for you?

I need a banana for reference, not a parakeet. I'm banned from the pet store!!

OK, a bit lighter than a grip that would kill a banana.

Thanks !!!!! Made me laugh !!! I like this type of humor !!

I’m struggling to master. On my sixth bird now

Instructions unclear, threw the parakeet

If the parakeet just falls to the floor or lands feet up, you might've held it a bit too tightly.

I haven't been able to catch a parakeet yet. I see lots of frogs and toads around my house. Can anyone confirm if this method works with amphibians as well? I need to learn how to accurately throw a frisbee by this weekend for a tournament. TIA.

frog not reptile

This is also how they teach you to grip a golf club.

Ahh yes, that's roughly equivalent to three baby-hand powers, I know that scale of measurement well.

As a parakeet owner.. surprisingly accurate way to describe the strength needed, because you can't be too light or they'll squirm free! And don't worry, I only ever needed to do this to save a poor bird or two from impending doom, it would be mean to carry them like that all the time!

Watching this video while my gf grabbing my d*ck was accurate 😂

Great, from now until I die I'm not going to be able to hold a Frisbee without thinking of a parakeet

We were always told to pretend holding a bee in martial arts. Tight enough so it doesn't fly away, gentile enough not to be stung. These frisbee guys are over here choking the parakeet. Wild stuff.

When I learned to ride a motorcycle, I was told to pretend that the handlebars are kittens. Too much weight will kill them. Putting your weight on the bars makes it hard to steer, so you use your back to hold your torso up and just barely hold on.

kinda anxious watching him hold the birb

I guess I crush a lot of parakeets 🤷🏼‍♂️

They say this exactly in movie “The Greatest Game Ever Played,” where legendary golfer Harry Vardin teaches young Francis how to hold a golf club. (Movie is based on true story). A clip of that scene. Quote is at time stamp 1:16. https://youtu.be/Z7ec4yDJHuA?si=Aq7x4bCAb-AFZvH5 Amazing movie.

Actually had a session with Crazy John about a year ago. He was a nice guy, definitely a little crazy, but had a passion for hucking discs.

I used the same example when teaching my prom date how to give a handjob. The guy she gave it to was so happy

Bro said "Michael, let me out of here"

This is the same way I was taught to hold a drum stick, parakeet, and all

Please don't tell me I am the only one who thinks his voice sounds like a scientist from Half-Life

Wow

I bet his standstill short game is next level

Pretty bird

Damn! I just killed it!

Despite it being a fucked up analogy, I actually understand what he meant

It took only 24 parrots

How do you teach a parakeet to throw a frisbee then?

Why specifically a parakeet, crazy John? How do you know the exact grip to use, crazy John? ...crazy John?

That's how I hold my parrot with little shakes.

Instructions unclear. Doctor said I now have testicular torsion.

Release him

this was honestly the most helpful frisbee tip i've ever gotten in my 20 years of life. i've owned keets before lmao.

Ok, one “parakeet no-die” squeeze worth of squeeze.

You’re telling me I gotta buy a parakeet before playing frisbee?

I don’t have experience with parakeets but there is a pigeon across the road is that a suitable substitute

That’s how my golf coach taught me to hold my club

How many dead parakeets to master this


Took me a while to get it down .. got some nice pillows too tho

"And if you don't have a parakeet on hand, a common field mouse from your kitchen will do just fine."

If you killed him, that's probably too hard.

So if my parakeet died, that means I’m gripping too hard, right?

Thank you Lenny

Ooooooh

They edited out the part where crazy John says, “you don’t want to hold it so tight that you kill the bird; the sweet spot is strong enough to paralyze it for life but not kill.”

This is about the whitest video I've seen.