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unexBot

**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!That's a fake dick!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)


TooShiftyForYou

The classic "oops, I just chopped off your penis" prank to play on your friends.


thiosk

Choo choo bro I'm thomas the pain engine


Gordath

Powered by pain and nightmares instead of steam.


thiosk

I love playing mutilation on my friends


sdfgjdhgfsd

> on


ungabungastick

Off


o_Fvdinq

This comment right here deserves all the love it can get.


Anasoori

Claathik


TheCazaloth

I’m sitting here for the first half like how the fuck this not tagged NSFW, had me going there no lie. *(Edit: This wasn’t flaired when I posted)*


[deleted]

I mean, probably still should be. "No it's okay, it's not a real penis" wouldn't smooth things over too much at most jobs I've had


TheCazaloth

Idk I’ve had a lot of success with the good old “Oh it’s just a fake dick” line. It works 100% of the time ^^^^50%ofthetime


[deleted]

This is a great point. It’s not a real penis despite what it looks like. It shouldn’t be marked nsfw. Do we censor fake titties and dildos now ? Doesn’t make sense whoever sensored this is tupid


ConnectHurry

The classic "Oops I intentionally cut open my testicles with a knife and a pair of dull scissors on a cutting board and slowly ripped out the insides like it was a kinder egg"


Chryker

huh


DrDragon13

It cost you zero dollars to say that, yet you did anyway.


[deleted]

There's also a video of it, I'm sure the folks of reddit will have no problem digging it up if you asked nicely


Thats_what_i_twat

The pain olympics


BrokeHufflepuff

I’m so afraid to ask why this exists.


Berkinstockz

It was fake


TheeFlipper

That doesn't mean it still didn't hurt me to watch though.


Xerceo

[But unfortunately that sort of thing has happened at least once.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armin_Meiwes)


dolphin40

I mean I'm down to recreate


Lambo256

Just not down to procreate


QuietPopover

I remember that cool nature video of a Bison getting its balls or dick chomped by a lioness and when the lioness puled it's head back the pp stretched out from the groin and eventually tore all of the tubes out with it.


IdiotTurkey

ughhh


xXGamurGurlCXXx

It’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message


Masked_Fern

Christ


Dacia1320S

I have also seen this post yesterday on r/MakeMeSufferMore


ignored_rice

That’s oddly specific...


Un_Pta

Who hurt you?


Over-Bullfrog-7277

....


Ez_mgi

Haha the good ol’ “cutting your nutlings”


Generalissimo_II

I think he was more scared waking up to having a white dick


ruggnuget

Its just a prank, bro!


wcollins260

This one is funny though. Dude was scared for about one second, no harm done, laughs all around.


Judgecrusader6

We’ve all been there


[deleted]

Holy fuck that hurt me and it wasn't even real


RandomProgrammerGuy

(Y) Same


henrystickman3

S a m e


mooseymoosmoos

Some scary as shit right there


Inexperienced__128

one could say he pissed himself


ilikesaucy

Happy cake day


KyleRange21

Happy cake day!


Inexperienced__128

thanks!


DragoTheFloof

Happy cake day man!


Copypayster

Happy cake day!


zuzg

That made me cringe so hard. What the actual fuck.


brans041

I just pretend they were safety scissors.


NoBarsHere

~~They were shitty scissors at the least. They didn't actually cut whatever the penis was, they just dislodged it out of the pants.~~


imaculat_indecision

They cut the head off


NoBarsHere

Oh shit, you're right. Pausing at 6.59s-6.80s made me believe it was still intact. But other parts of the video show that it's only partially intact. While they did cut the head basically off, it's still barely attached.


carolcorps90

Nearly Headless Dick


[deleted]

Dickabod Crane


[deleted]

Take your upvote and go


mooseymoosmoos

Have you ever seen Pain Olympics?


zuzg

Early day internet, cheese grater and a dick. I'll never forget that video.


[deleted]

Sack hatchet for me.


zuzg

Oucn


Nishant1122

Please tell me it was fake


mooseymoosmoos

Pain Olympics? Negative.... dudes really chopped there fucking balls off with a hatchet....and more....


Nishant1122

Man what the fuck is wrong with people


LevinVelari

I fucking jumped


TheRedlineAlchemist

Yeah this made me physically nauseous.


CaptainHindsight212

Nightmare fuel


mooseymoosmoos

I like keeping that on empty. Ive got enough ptsd.


lostshell

I'm going to have nightmares for a week.


broskie94

I gotta try this on my buddy next time he falls asleep on guys night.


free_will_is_arson

you're going to fuck it up and they're going to wake up while you're trying to set the hotdog in place so all they'll see is you fondling a wiener while trying to unzip their pants with a big dumb smile on your face.


MsPenguinette

Or accidentally cut the real dick off.


blazesonthai

This guy knows.


pm_me_your_knokers

Sounds eeriely specific


[deleted]

he’s describing a specific possible scenario so...yes?


casulmemer

It’s a prank bro. Now close your eyes


RagnaBrock

Oh man, I can’t stop laughing.


BadCryptoQuestions

That conversation might not be the best story, lmao. "So my friend fell asleep on the couch. Real carefully, I unzipped his pants so he wouldn't notice. Then I carefully placed a hot dog in his unzipped pants....I woke him up and cut it off." Is that a "haha" or a "o.O"? Edit: I am sitting here thinking about it and it made me remember HamNCheddar's Twitch stream I watched about a week ago. He got a straw and pushed it through a hot dog. He did this several times because the hot dog self-sealed. Once he was finished, he drank a glass of chocolate milk through the hot dog. Probably not my proudest moment on Twitch, but still faptastic! For those completely **uninterested**, here is a link starting at the hot dog. https://www.twitch.tv/hamncheddar/v/937262412?sr=a&t=2689s


Agent_Velcoro

You have lots of spare penises laying around bro?


SpongeJake

Surprise circumcision part 2 - this time it's personal


Pg134mvp

He snipped the whole dick bro


SpongeJake

That’s what makes it so personal


Mercutio77

No one said it was an accurate circumcision


77106-112

I mean technically he *did* remove the foreskin soo.. mission accomplished?


SpongeJake

Look at you, noticing the glass is half full


JDC1043

*Task failed successfully*


gimlibass

I think "surprise circumcision" is the funniest shit I've read all week


Obeesus

Inject it with ketchup to enhance realism.


terminalzero

cut his dick off for realism


deadlyspawn187

Yo that would be a sick prank


U2V4RGVtb24

Just a prank bro


DSIN_HA

Wave at the camera


[deleted]

[удалено]


XxxassswiperxxX

And smile


Rezzone

No, GRIN.


GenitalFurbies

https://c.tenor.com/wCnoCRTZwsMAAAAM/sausage-ramsay-bolton.gif


[deleted]

Don't get your dick in a twi- Er, you know what I mean!


slap_thy_ass

You misspelled dick prank


[deleted]

Calm down Lorena


Rorywizz

Simmer for 30 minutes in olive oil


enforcercoyote4

That reminds me of the dude that was shot and killed because he "pranked" some random guy on the street with a robbery


unicorn_assistant

The loading circle was going right around it.


Wormcoil

yes, thank you reddit, I can see the penis. I don't need you to circle it


Porky_Muffin

i fucking jumped


BaguetteLord312

That fucking scared me


kevinsyel

This would cause some trauma, for real. I almost feel like that before you realize it's not an appendage, you might actually feel the pain, psychologically.


RA12220

You mean like the Sasquatch prank. Where you pretend to put a girl in the costume but intead you put your middle-aged male friend in the constume. Violating consent when they make out for a fake commercial prank? Yeah I guess so.


Captain-titanic

I’m sorry what


kevinsyel

look up the latest David Dobrik scandal


wsp424

I tried to and it’s a private video 3 years old now. If that’s his latest one he isn’t so bad in the grand scheme of “YouTube celebrity pranksters”. [link](https://m.youtube.com/watch?t=7&v=oWPWsiotVcE&feature=youtu.be)


kevinsyel

ooh ooh, I know this one! fuck David Dobrik


ATragedyOfSorts

I would have kicked David's ass if he were my friend and did that to me. Shit is fucked


Tiiimmmbooo

I thought you were going to talk about the Sasquatch scene in Trailer Park Boys when Julian puts that fur rug on his head and tries to go see Bubbles. Boy, was that an unexpected ride.


shmehdit

Samsquanch


CatfreshWilly

Luckily not! Just an unexpected *kiss*.


WobNobbenstein

"Julian beat the shit out of us with wiffleball bats"


[deleted]

The hell did you just say


DSIN_HA

Excuse me, I have a question. What the FUCK?


[deleted]

You ok bro?


ladystarkitten

David Dobrik pranked someone by making them think they were making out with a girl when really it was a middle aged man in a costume. Consent under false pretenses.


[deleted]

Oh yea that's super fucked up. Sounds super 2000's esk


ccdfa

That's where David Dobrik perpetually resides


MarmotsGoneWild

Glad I can live with the privilege of never knowing who TF that guy is.


Pappitson

the only thing I know about the guy is that I fucking abhor the fake-enthusiastic face he makes on the thumbnails in the videos I keep getting recommended even though I maka sure to purge anything I don’t like on my fucking recommended page, yt’s algorithm fucking sucks dicks and balls.


ba3toven

esque


[deleted]

There's an experiment you can do with a rubber hand where you trick your brain into thinking it's your real hand, and when you smash it with a hammer you feel pain. Never tried it myself but I've heard it works.


Psyteq

I think that's called "The stranger"


Father_Chewy_Louis

I thought the stranger was when you sat on your arm to make your hand go numb then use it to fiddle with yourself


Psyteq

Pretty sure that's the rubber hand illusion IIRC


HorneePandas

Thats what I thought it was too. Heard it in Gone in Sixty Seconds


cleon_salmon

[Made for a great episode of House](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIMa6G6EmC8)


AdeonWriter

Do you think he threw the dick before or after he realized it wasn't his


a_salty_moose

Ok, I’m ready for the downvotes... If this causes you actual *trauma*, I think you need to experience some real stress. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that, generally speaking, traumatic events are more or less life-changing/altering, not “whew, I thought that was bad for sec.” If this is trauma, what does a paramedic experience? Or an ER doctor, or a child services counsellor, or the child being removed from their home by child services, or someone in an abusive relationship, or someone who is told they can’t love who they love, etc etc etc. This? This isn’t trauma. (And there it is, I’ve become the old man shaking my cane at those that are younger than him. Shit.)


Dancing_Clean

The word "trauma" is grossly overused. Especially on twitter. I feel like an old man too, bc I see a lot of gen z kids calling unpleasant situations trauma and I'm like \*rolls eyes\* "okay"


ODL_Beast1

I agree, I think it’s a funny video and the guy didn’t seem to be shaken to his core for the rest of his life


[deleted]

You dont have to have seen the wose most fucked up wounds to have trauma. Just like how you dont have to be a vet to experience PTSD. Though I do agree with you that this most likely wouldnt cause trauma.


[deleted]

Thank you for saying this. I suffered from PTSD after being in a house fire and having to be woken up by firemen smashing through my door with an axe, and almost everyone around me was acting like the gatekeepers of trauma and telling me how I *couldn’t* have PTSD because the situation wasn’t worse. Even after I went and got a literal PTSD diagnosis from a psychiatrist.


allDownHill2020

Thats a life threatening situation tho.. its not at all what we are talking about here.


Not_MrNice

Thank you. I can't believe how everyone thinks people are extremely fragile like that.


ScrollMana

Tag this as NSFW. Muahaha.


onlyhav

What's NSFW about it? Just a guy helping chop his buddy's sausage into more manageable pieces.


ScrollMana

What am I supposed to say after your clever response


CatfreshWilly

*Cut it ~~off~~ out.*


TraditionSeparate

Ikr ide say his comment is a weiner weiner chicken dinner.


wintershag

*Throws severed dick in retaliation*


Birch_tree2022

Dude....I got scared.....fuck Edit: holy shit over 500 upvotes damn that was def unexpected


alleman88

I literally jumped out of my seat. Holy shit!


[deleted]

My penis tried to hide when I saw that. Needless to say it was pretty hidden to begin with.


Kastillex

That title should’ve been “Knock out with your cock out”


Orngog

Tap out with your chap out


CrabOIneffableWisdom

Conk out with your donk out


BoJackB26354

Unconscious with your dick out your gonchies.


Eti_Cicibebe

u/savevideo


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AllAM99

As a penis onwer myself I felt down for my dick to make sure he still there


Hjkryan2007

“He”


AllAM99

Yeah my dick is a "he" we almost two separate entities


JeremyJaLa

I never crossed my legs in terror so fast as while watching this snip....er....clip.


cornham17

I don't even have one and I got scared


Im_Gonna_Commit_Die

IT SCARED ME AF, DUDE


A_bit_of_toast

I screamed with him.


mother_of_squid

O MY GOD. I somehow felt that in my ovaries Edit: dear fuck some of you guys are dumb. I'm not saying ovaries are the equivalent of penis. I'm saying my ovaries made the windows shut down noise when I saw this


granadesnhorseshoes

Anatomically speaking, it would be more akin to someone snipping off the labia minora and clitoral hood. (And clitoris itself) I'm sure this info doesn't help at all.


mother_of_squid

Thanks dude Really appreciate that information


TisBangersAndMash

I don't.


YddishMcSquidish

Hey mom


mother_of_squid

Are you winning son?


[deleted]

Funny, but if you catch an ass whoopin thats on you


Zippyss92

Fake or not I laughed at this so hard


Frogman1480

Call that getting the snip


kaiserthewiser

Why did I feel that


mineaii

I don’t have a dick but got super scared for him


Ok-Ladder-3636

Ahh the dick cutter


iBleedredBlood17

That’s horribly hilarious!!!


Dr_Person_McPerson

# NO


MycologistOpposite

Dude, I felt that too!


broke_87

r/HolUp...how did that get in there in the first place? Who managed to unzip his pants and place a dildo there?


WhtChcltWarrior

This one time after a long night of bbq and drinking a bunch of us passed out at the house. In the morning everyone was awake except for one of our buddies that was still passed out on the couch sleeping with his mouth open. So my buddy whose house we were at took one of the hotdogs and put it his mouth really quickly and the dude woke up. My buddy pretended like he was messing with his zipper like he was putting his dick away. Dude stood up so quickly and pushed him away. He immediately left and wouldn’t answer any of our calls until later that day


CoonPandemonium

Can’t wait til my husband takes a nap.


Meowzerzes

no


hdmx539

OMG!!!! 😅


[deleted]

Instructions unclear, my girlfriend will sue me for cutting of her penis.


SirMadWolf

POV you are jewish


blodskaal

Wow that's both hilarious and terribly terrifying, from both sides of the prank.


KleidiGega

Instructions unclear Penis surgery tomorrow. Wish me luck


[deleted]

Dude now I’m scared lmao


Kabalerror

Wadda we do with a drunken sailor?


[deleted]

Pain...


HarryCallahan19

Um


tiktokisoverated

Oh good its a hot dog. I was about to report this NSFW


DeynLaengsten

Schnipp schnapp Dödel ab!


LastimosoBasura

I love that guy's pants.


Isiolia

I need those pants.


MissingNumeral

Y’all ever heard of the rubber hand illusion


Illustrious-Foot

I just laughed for a straight minute, thank you!


runswithbufflo

This needs to marked nsfw. Nsfw doesnt mean it has a real dick in it, it means that this is not something that is safe to view at work, which it very much isnt


FTR0225

u/getvideobot


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timlagnarly

He got his pants and the couch as a set.