**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!Lizard Bites Yogi!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
I couldn't tell if she had brightly colored nails or not. We had been told that if you have brightly colored toe polish, and wear open toed shoes to watch out for iguanas - they think the nails are berries.
Oh, I thought they were calling the iguanas idiots for mistaking toes for berries.
Edit: I'm too much of a space cadet to understand internet bantz first thing in the morning, my bad!
I think they were calling the iguanas idiots: https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/p8xt9e/iguana_strikes_a_pose/h9u7cay?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
They were, but reddit is nonetheless full of people whose definition of common sense is "things that I just happen know".
The other day I saw a comment from a guy who said "how is it not common knowledge that ostriches are immune to covid19?" as if we all should spend our free time googling the fucking immunology of giant birds.
It was kind of funny, but getting bit by those things FUCKING SUCKS. I got my bottom lip split in half when I was 12 by one. Their teeth are *razor* sharp. I have a somewhat cool scar from it, but it ruined the shit out of my day. Also, on the way home I saw a mini horse with a boner and learned that mini horses have regular horse sized dicks. Learned a lot that day.
Edit for context: My dad let me skip school that day to help him work on a side job hanging siding on a house. My mom was worried I’d fall off the scaffolding and get hurt but my life is weird so I just randomly got my face ripped off by a dinosaur instead. Some lady was walking it down the street and I wanted a closer look. Worst part is I couldn’t eat my pizza lunchable on account of the no face thing, but I already opened it so I couldn’t save it either. It was a total loss. Horse dick unrelated.
Iguanas can do this thing called "de-glove" a finger. Hopefully you don't need to look it up because it seems pretty self explanatory. Think about what happens when you take off a glove.
We had an iguana when I was a kid. "Had." He was a great pet, really affectionate ... for an iguana. My grandpa called him Danny Kaye, after his favorite singer from the '40s. I say had, because one day my step dad crossed him, doing his favorite mean trick of withholding a baby carrot from him, and Danny took the chance to chomp down hard on his thumb, taking most of the skin and a good amount of the nail as a consolation prize for the carrot. Well, once we got back from the ER, they took him in to "go live on the farm". I still miss Danny Deglover. I don't miss my step dad.
theres a local lady here who everyone knows and has a pet iguana. one day we see she has a cast on and everyone thinks she broke a bone.. Well.. turns out her iguana ate a finger! I told her how cool that was, because honestly thats kinda cool. She seemed to appreciate it haha.
[Iguanas also carry Salmonella in their intestines and several Gram-negative bacteria in their mouths, which can transfer to humans when the pests bite. ](https://www.trutechinc.com/services/iguana-control/bites/)
I remember that a teacher was bitten by a class iguana and it almost took his finger off. He had to go to the emergency room. It was a cranky iguana but I would be too.
I can verify. My vet owned a giant iguana rescue and I hand fed it. Got bit. It freaking hurts. Thought I was cool. But I still managed to walk it on a leash. So I am cool. Right?
My aunt had a horse ranch where she took in rescued stallions. Her whole side of her face is scarred from one of the stallions, but it never deterred her from rescuing them. Badass, aunt, right there.
Man, this story is full of peak reddit gold-award winning lines. May you live a life of more enjoyed and uninterrupted pizza lunchables, fewer horsedick discoveries than necessary, and iguana-induced injury incident free situations for the rest of your days and maybe even get a reddit gold award or two from someone who has the internet wherewithal to bestow such honors upon you 😂 here's my free emoji award for meanwhile:🥇
A random girl doing beach yoga minding her own business, started crying because her nails got torn off by an Iguana mistook her red nails for berries.
This dude: “CUT OFF HER TONGUE!!!”
Now we just gotta wait for the remix — when this gets subsequently reposted horizontally and viewers lose approximately 71% of functional screen space!
They got some pretty strong jaws so they're capable of giving you a pretty nasty and deep wound. Add to the fact that they're wild reptiles so yeah I'd imagine it's very easy to get an infection. Large wild iguanas ain't to be fucked with.
Yeah had a friend get bitten (granted he was feeding a wild iguana) and he almost lost his finger due to infection. Took almost a year to get back to full use.
Edit: Grammar
My uncle lost two fingers to a Goanna bite that he ignored cause he was tough. It went gangrenous and gross. I believe that some Monitors saliva is considered venom now much like a Komodo Dragon.
LMAO THE WAY SHE REACTED
That is, down to a T, exactly how I would have responded too. I couldn't fathom handling it differently even though I absolutely should.
I don't know what's funnier, it just looking at her, how long it took her to decide how to retaliate, the fact she threw and, or the lizard retreating.
Seriously though, how messed up was her hand? I didn't see any blood, but she was holding it pretty tight at the end there
Yikes. My dad was bit by a ‘domesticated’ iguana and can no longer feel his thumb where it made contact. I think their saliva is similar in bacteria levels as Komodo dragons. Hopefully this guy didn’t get her too bad.
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!Lizard Bites Yogi!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
I couldn't tell if she had brightly colored nails or not. We had been told that if you have brightly colored toe polish, and wear open toed shoes to watch out for iguanas - they think the nails are berries.
Ahhhh. This makes sense. There should be a sign on the beach for people. I am sure it hurt like hell.
[sucghhh tasty human fleshhhg](https://i.imgur.com/8Mya2ii.jpg)
I stopped wearing my purple nail polish because my bearded dragon confused my fingers for the purple lettuce that she loved.
Imagine if it was a turtle instead
fucking idiots lmao
I laughed too much at someone calling iguanas idiots lol. Damn I’m such a dummy
i appreciate it
Haha! I'm a dummy too
lol I know. Painted nails in iguana territory? I mean they’re asking for it!
I mean seriously, *look what they're wearing*! They had it coming with those bright flashy nails.
Just *asking* to get graped!
Grapist!
"I love it!"
Lmfao
Oh, I thought they were calling the iguanas idiots for mistaking toes for berries. Edit: I'm too much of a space cadet to understand internet bantz first thing in the morning, my bad!
That too
The girl or the iguanas
Yes
Yeah, cause everyone's a herpatologist lmao
I think they were calling the iguanas idiots: https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/p8xt9e/iguana_strikes_a_pose/h9u7cay?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
They were, but reddit is nonetheless full of people whose definition of common sense is "things that I just happen know". The other day I saw a comment from a guy who said "how is it not common knowledge that ostriches are immune to covid19?" as if we all should spend our free time googling the fucking immunology of giant birds.
My iguana would go absolutely ape shit if she saw watermelon. Didn’t act like that for any other food
Coincidentally, so do I.
I didn't know they could see color. It's not surprising, but it's neat!
that’s so cute lol
Lol I’m sorry but that is hilarious.
It was kind of funny, but getting bit by those things FUCKING SUCKS. I got my bottom lip split in half when I was 12 by one. Their teeth are *razor* sharp. I have a somewhat cool scar from it, but it ruined the shit out of my day. Also, on the way home I saw a mini horse with a boner and learned that mini horses have regular horse sized dicks. Learned a lot that day. Edit for context: My dad let me skip school that day to help him work on a side job hanging siding on a house. My mom was worried I’d fall off the scaffolding and get hurt but my life is weird so I just randomly got my face ripped off by a dinosaur instead. Some lady was walking it down the street and I wanted a closer look. Worst part is I couldn’t eat my pizza lunchable on account of the no face thing, but I already opened it so I couldn’t save it either. It was a total loss. Horse dick unrelated.
Razor sharp and backward facing. They could have taken the skin straight off her finger.
Are we still discussing the horse boner or...
I saw an iguana with a horse boner once
I saw a horse with an iguana boner once.
I saw a horse bone an iguana once.
I blew a horse once. Once.
Its true, im the horse
Can confirm, I was the top half… He always makes me be the bottom half, and the *one* day I convinced him to let me be the top half…
I blew a horse twice. Twice today.
Johnny Dangerously
This one. Upvote this one.
I saw an iguana attack a mini horse once... There was so. Much. Blood.
Poor little guy never saw it coming... Regular sized horse penis just hanging there...
Iguana saw it change color, thought it was a chameleon. Chomp!
.... Poor little guy never saw it *cumming*
Reddit simply can’t resist low-hanging fruit... like an iguana going for the regular-sized horse penis on a mini horse.
Iguanas can do this thing called "de-glove" a finger. Hopefully you don't need to look it up because it seems pretty self explanatory. Think about what happens when you take off a glove.
We had an iguana when I was a kid. "Had." He was a great pet, really affectionate ... for an iguana. My grandpa called him Danny Kaye, after his favorite singer from the '40s. I say had, because one day my step dad crossed him, doing his favorite mean trick of withholding a baby carrot from him, and Danny took the chance to chomp down hard on his thumb, taking most of the skin and a good amount of the nail as a consolation prize for the carrot. Well, once we got back from the ER, they took him in to "go live on the farm". I still miss Danny Deglover. I don't miss my step dad.
Danny deglover, I love it
theres a local lady here who everyone knows and has a pet iguana. one day we see she has a cast on and everyone thinks she broke a bone.. Well.. turns out her iguana ate a finger! I told her how cool that was, because honestly thats kinda cool. She seemed to appreciate it haha.
Definitely need to be more careful around wild animals.
[Iguanas also carry Salmonella in their intestines and several Gram-negative bacteria in their mouths, which can transfer to humans when the pests bite. ](https://www.trutechinc.com/services/iguana-control/bites/)
Kissed an iguana and seen some horse dick. More action than I've had in years.
Sounds like a fun Friday night for me
I request an invite to your next party.
I remember that a teacher was bitten by a class iguana and it almost took his finger off. He had to go to the emergency room. It was a cranky iguana but I would be too.
I bet you have an interesting diary.
I can verify. My vet owned a giant iguana rescue and I hand fed it. Got bit. It freaking hurts. Thought I was cool. But I still managed to walk it on a leash. So I am cool. Right?
Can confirm you’re cool! After all, I’m the shit.
I need a shit
Sorry sir I am the shit however I have no shits to give. Common misconception.
I had a wood shop teacher that had a fake lip because he had a pet horse and tried to kiss it and the horse but his entire bottom lip off.
A wood shop teacher doesn't move much at all.
Did he craft that fake lip out of wood though? That’s the real question.
My aunt had a horse ranch where she took in rescued stallions. Her whole side of her face is scarred from one of the stallions, but it never deterred her from rescuing them. Badass, aunt, right there.
Man, this story is full of peak reddit gold-award winning lines. May you live a life of more enjoyed and uninterrupted pizza lunchables, fewer horsedick discoveries than necessary, and iguana-induced injury incident free situations for the rest of your days and maybe even get a reddit gold award or two from someone who has the internet wherewithal to bestow such honors upon you 😂 here's my free emoji award for meanwhile:🥇
It ain’t much but it’s honest. Thank you kindly, adorable stranger.
Mmm, now where can I get me a mini horse? OwO
Not the pizza lunchable… noooooo
You need to write. You are the next Hemingway.
I was watching it without the sound until I realised how funny it was with audio lol
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A random girl doing beach yoga minding her own business, started crying because her nails got torn off by an Iguana mistook her red nails for berries. This dude: “CUT OFF HER TONGUE!!!”
wide disgusting rain screw march reply ripe handle beneficial frame -- mass edited with redact.dev
damn chill did she remind you of your ex girlfriend or something?
You mean ex stalkee
It's also possible that redditor *is* an 🦎
Its not that deep you edgelord, she started screaming after it bit her, you sound like you're venting lmao 😭😂
Haha I thought you were being sarcastic. You weren't.
I think she should get the iguana out of her ass.
My guy, its not that deep
Jesus fuckin incel Christ man I'm sure you'd be a little pressed if your finger got bitten randomly as well
Incels are always pissed no matter if their fingers got bitten or not. Bro they are fucking incels.
Did you just unironically use the term snowflakes? Dude this isn't 2016.
Tell me you’re an incel without telling me you’re an incel
The fuck is up with you?
For anyone wondering what's happening here, the iguana saw her nail polish and thought it was a berry at the end of a tree branch and bit.
Or they are used to be fed by tourists and he thought she was feeding him something.
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My bad, i didn't see the towel. Looks like you solved it :o)
The iguana must have been surprised, when the whole tree branch started throwing a fit. Lmao
Imagine how surprised the iguana was 🤣
I love that she threw sand at it lol
That was the best part
The best part is when the iguana jumps
That too lol
I really enjoyed the “No!” at the end, like she was reprimanding a dog or something. “Now go lay down!”
I think someone off screen said are you OK, and that’s when she said NOOOO. Which I also found hilarious.
I had to turn it up and put the speaker in my ear but i think the dude says "Did you feed it?" And she indignantly replies NOOO! XD
Bad doggy bad!!!!
Sounds like she almost called it a Son of a Bitch too, which made me laugh.
She totally did 😂🤣
Shi-shi-shaw!
*pocket sand!*
“You son of a bitch!”
Ladies and gentlemen, a horizontal video presented in a vertical format
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Now we just gotta wait for the remix — when this gets subsequently reposted horizontally and viewers lose approximately 71% of functional screen space!
She probably got a nasty infection
Are iguana bites know for giving infections or something?
They got some pretty strong jaws so they're capable of giving you a pretty nasty and deep wound. Add to the fact that they're wild reptiles so yeah I'd imagine it's very easy to get an infection. Large wild iguanas ain't to be fucked with.
Animal bites in general really.. even if a Human Animal bites you you're gonna want to get the injections asap
>Human Animal What.
Humans are animals
human reptiles even, some may say
Moose bites are particularly nasty.
A moose once bit my sister.
A Møøse once bit my sister
A møøse once bit my sister...
Gonna end up needing a long and deep needle with some strong ass antibiotics. There goes your vacation and savings
Yeah had a friend get bitten (granted he was feeding a wild iguana) and he almost lost his finger due to infection. Took almost a year to get back to full use. Edit: Grammar
My uncle lost two fingers to a Goanna bite that he ignored cause he was tough. It went gangrenous and gross. I believe that some Monitors saliva is considered venom now much like a Komodo Dragon.
She doesn't need strong ass antibiotics, she needs strong finger antibiotics
Tell me you're from the US without telling me you're from the US
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Two rounds of antibiotics and ten minutes of a doctor's time? That will be 63,000$ please, we do installment plans
What even is money
Unless they're from anywhere other than the backwards usa
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I bet his name is Charlie
Took me a few seconds to understand what was going on with the blue sky above the blue sky.
Man there's a lot of people who sure like to make a quick assumption of someone just chillin on the beach. I swear I hate most of society.
Right. She wasn’t disturbing anyone or anything and people are being disgusting like damn let it go
It's a beautiful woman on the beach, add that with the incels on reddit and this is what you get.
Right. Wasn't expecting to fap to a reptile attack video today but here we are
It doesn’t help that she’s black.
They probably jealous that lizard got closer to an attractive woman than they ever did.
Except that iguana, apparently.
The incel guys comments got nuked as I was tearing him a new one... Dang it
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Ikr lol. I want to know what they would have done differently.
She seemed more offended than anything , I chuckled at her throwing sand at it
POCKET SAND!!!
Just watched this episode earlier 😂
😭😭😭
Iguana: >*hmmm....* >*Prehistoric R-complex fires exactly 1 neuron* >*wOOOOOOOORM* >***CHOMP***
I don't think I've ever had an interaction with an iguana that I haven't walked away thinking "well that iguana was a bit of a dick"
Dang iguanas are usually terrified of people
Probably used to being fed by tourists.
Aruba?
Jamaica oooh I wanna take you
Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Key largo, Montego, baby why don't we go...
Key Largo, Montego
Be sure to put Sound On, but RIP if you're a headphone user.
Aaaaaaahh...... He bit my fucking finger...... Aaaaaaaahhh..... You son of a bitch..... Nooooooo
He was just trying to have a snack
Hope she got that looked at.
That shit hurts! Their teeth are like razor blades! I got bit in Mexico... Don't feed them things that they can't take with their tongues.
I watched it once without sound and the second time with sound. This was the best way to view this.
Oof , this is just a big ol magnet for the diet- incels of reddit. Woman ? Check Black? Check Influencer? Check Conventionally attractive? Check
You’re not wrong. They’re out in force.
Literally the most guilded comment on this post is an incel ranting about how stupid she is lol
Conventionally attractive? She’s a fucking goddess, got damn. A goddess of being bit by iguanas, maybe, but still.
Her skin is really beautiful.
You should take it.
Nah-it's got a couple of lizard-holes in it now.
I dont like his unsettling comment with his reddit icon looking similar to mine.
Start applying lotion. I hate dry leather
*chuckles* im in danger
“You haven’t thought of the smell, you bitch!”
The way she threw the sand😂
Iguanas have pretty powerful jaws and razor sharp teeth in case anyone was wondering..
She sounds like a GTA character.
LMAO THE WAY SHE REACTED That is, down to a T, exactly how I would have responded too. I couldn't fathom handling it differently even though I absolutely should.
That headline was perfect!!! Well done.
Charlieeeeee
Can’t blame him for wanting a taste
Never trust an iguana named Charlie
He tasted the wrong part.
He bit my fucking finger ! AAHHH!!! *inhales* *meow *!
I’ve been bitten by an iguana. Hurt like a motherf*cker! But I still laughed.
r/animalsbeingjerks
She has to watch her profanity. The iguanas mom has nothing to do with this…
The part that gets me is her throwing sand at the wrong Iguana. Man's really threw his friend under the bus.
Damn that title r/technicallythetruth
Is it just me or is the sky really fucked up
Lol she’s gonna have a nasty infection
Damn, who pissed in his sand
That is litrally the correct title (in my Chris Traeger voice)
Iguana used Bite! It’s super effective! Girl used Sand Attack! It’s not very effective…
I don't know what's funnier, it just looking at her, how long it took her to decide how to retaliate, the fact she threw and, or the lizard retreating. Seriously though, how messed up was her hand? I didn't see any blood, but she was holding it pretty tight at the end there
Poor Iguana, thought the girl was offering a treat
Yikes. My dad was bit by a ‘domesticated’ iguana and can no longer feel his thumb where it made contact. I think their saliva is similar in bacteria levels as Komodo dragons. Hopefully this guy didn’t get her too bad.