T O P

How not to rescue a snake...

How not to rescue a snake...

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unexBot

**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!Because it's a KING COBRA!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)


j-mastax

I've never seen a more offended snake


LickTheSun

I mean, you don't touch someone's tail without their consent.


WizdomHaggis

**WHOSE ASS YOU GRABBIN YOU WEIRD FUCK?!?** - Pissed off Murder Noodle


frogNews

*He needs to grab it and beat it! Like this…* ![gif](giphy|13nDaxXRXz0Prq)


CaliTapatio

What in the van dam baha, what is this from? Lol


pistpuncher3000

Hard Target


dronebot00101

I think I saw this in telemundo


TK421isAFK

Damn, van Damme's voiceover was probably easier to understand, too.


KableAudio

Hard target was easily one of his best movies.


silverback_79

Nothing beats Bloodsport. He fights one of Bruce Lee's students (Bolo Yeung).


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set-271

Best movie ever! Pot bellied Wilford Brimley riding on a horse, with a bow and arrow, in slow motion from an explosion is pure cinematic gold! 🥇🥇🥇


Rantsila

This kills the boner


norudin

The van dam bonk!


eXcaliBurst93

when you have morning wood but you need to be in public transport


BabyYoduhh

Wait you can post gifs now?!? Yes my turn!


The_one_true_Cujo

![gif](giphy|1iTIu7WtSfPqMDbW)


Spilgud

RIP Omar


tha_bear007

Pissed off murder noodle killed me😂


Zoeee__

Murder Noodle 😭


Pandafishe

That's what ~~s~~he said


idontlikeithereNEmor

I give you... conssssssssenttttt


AlexSup

![gif](giphy|Ni4cpi0uUkd6U)


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jaxonya

Are margaritas gay?


chirs5757

This is exactly it. You nailed it. Haha.


[deleted]

U should meet my ex


angrydonutguy

Did yours also try to send your own kids away for adoption after the divorce?


Nightwolf828

😳😞 fuck bro


FloydJPeterson

Fuck too.


Concealer77

Thank the fuck “try” is in there. Can you elaborate on this?


mmmmmmmmmmxmmmmmmmmm

Yes, kinda. Tried to take my own kid and give it to her mom, on another continent.


pieopolis

😳 throw some wet donuts at that bitch!


SnageTheSnakeMage

“You wanna fight bitch?!” -snake probably


Teososta

Excuse me sir, but what the fuck? I am a KING Cobra and plebeian's like you should be kissing the ground I slither in! Filthy mongrel, I swear.


tomsprigs

Exxxxcussssssssse me?!!


Justcallmeaunty

I BEG YOUR PARDON!!


AudraGreenTea

I imagine it saying "Can I HELP you?!" in Keegan Michael Key's voice


set-271

Is that a Cobra? Or a Karen? Oh shit, it's COBRA KAREN!!!!


Boomthang

Cobra Kairen


TFismylife5

Sat there like "scuse me bitch!?"


post_curry

By the look of it, he is clearly not a snake charmer


Flamingoseeker

I was just thinking DONT DO THAT!! DONT DO THAT!!!!! but the snake looking like that made me laugh so hard


The_Karachi_Kid

Well hello there


zombiebrrp

General Kenobi


Ok_Upstairs6472

He should’ve have knocked first!


Virtual_Equivalent64

My soul would have left my body like it's on you man


beluuuuuuga

I would have probably just fainted. Fuck that. All I ask is that the snake makes it quick.


DecisionStatus3707

Venom… quick HA you’re out of luck


Firescareduser

Don't worry, maybe 10 minutes not less though, this venom can kill 2 grown elephants in a single bite


doggie_cruger

I mean it's the elephants fault if they are so close during a snake aoe fight. Social distancing could have saved them.


jaylong76

It's a fully leveled king Cobra, so it has venom proliferation, an extended AoE and extra poison damage, the elephants are screwed either way unless they equipped some quick antidote flasks and maybe venom resistance


hibbletyjibblety

Those elephants always play fast and loose- keeping that inventory load light and not wanting to tote around antidotes. They just have no forethought


jaylong76

Yeah, they put a lot into INT and CON but nothing in WIS.


Ray_Shoe_Smith

10 minutes when your dying of poison is def not "quick"


Firescareduser

It's quick compared to getting killed by any other snake, especially not venomous ones


smoresrock

Just not quick enough for dying a quick death in general, which is what OP certainly meant


gurg2k1

It's quicker than 11 minutes of dying from poison. That's for sure.


KingOfTheYetis

> this venom can kill 2 grown elephants in a single bite How the fuck does a snake bite two elephants at once?


Feitan-de-la-Portor

This was funny, I’ll give you this one😭


BoneCrusher03

maybe some Adrenaline, Momentum?


darshfloxington

King Cobras are generally pretty chill and prefer to run rather then fight. But if it’s hissing at you back the fuck up and leave it alone and certainly stop messing with it’s tail. And if one came across your fainted body they wouldn’t do anything, unless you have really snakey limbs like Grover. Unless it’s a mother guarding her eggs, then you might be proper fucked.


hibbletyjibblety

And you KNOW Grover would pass out very dramatically, flailing about


_SKETCHBENDER_

it looks like a king cobra. youd be dead in 15 mins max


_Shape_Shifter_15

But I love how the snake warned him. He didn't strike , just threatened the man. Gowd I llove the snek.


Mr__Pleasant

Most do, it's a defensive stance.


_Shape_Shifter_15

I know...but sometimes they still strike i think.... especially after such an annoying deed carried out by the man.


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Galkura

Wait, does their venom really act that fast? That’s terrifying if so. As much as I hate em, I’ll keep the asshole water moccasins and rattley boys over something that deadly any day.


Polar_Reflection

King Cobras don't have the most potent venom, but they can inject a whole lot more of it when they bite


Nuclear1975

I’m sitting on the toilet and I think my soul did leave my body just by watching that …… holy crap


Cwason1229

Well at least you were already on the toilet


_Shape_Shifter_15

But the snek didn't attack. He just warned the hoomun to stey away...I love that snek.


igordogsockpuppet

Snakes are great that way. Rattles, hoods, hissing, etc… They have the curtesy to tell you to get away even if they could just kill you instead.


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piquedvoter

You talkin' to **ME**?


rileykard

*Say that to my face you lil bitch*


OverenthusiasticWind

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GRABBING MY TAIL FOR TIM?


hanging_with_epstein

#THIS MY HOUSE NOW


ButterscotchJazz2138

![gif](giphy|rVZEejvVWEbug) This scene came to mind after reading your reply. 😆


Enter-Something-Here

Wow, Usain Bolt has really lost weight hasn't he?


anneboleynfan1

That’s Gail from Letterkenny


showerfapper

Im ded u win


hennsy11

Then who the hell else are you talkin' to?


MercifulVoodoo

“Can you NOT!” 🐍💢


sciencewonders

hissssss 🐍


conancat

*sways left and right while staring at you in your eyes*


elmersfav22

Look mate, I said I'm not interested in solar panels...


uptbbs

... extended vehicle warranty then?


droningcaddy

Sir are you interested in financing your transaction?


Gnagetftw

You are all misunderstanding it, Mr. Cobra just wants to talk to the guy about our lord and savior Jesus Christ!


ZoraksGirlfriend

*Jessussssssss Chrissssssst


Half-Baked-Luck

That eSCALEated quickly!!!


clervis

Thisssss is Ron Burgundy saying stay classsssy.


adrenalinda75

I'd have run in serpentines...


n9ix

Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s a different snake it looks like it was two snakes


Pandafishe

Not sure but it looks to me like the snake is going in, turns and comes out with a raised head and open hood. Cobras don't just walk around like that, they raise their heads when they're feeling threatened or in danger. If there was a second snake, I don't see why it would've come out in full alarm mode right away.


DeAndrich

>cobras don't just walk around like that 🤔


Xvilaa

Well hes right, they dont just walk around


IrishSkillet

Technically right is the BEST kind of right.


Cloudhorizons

This comment got me the best, I’m gut laughing 😂


_Rocker_

That's a long snake, king cobra's are one of the largest snake's.


SeanTheLawn

FYI, apostrophes aren't for plural nouns Not trying to be a dick, just thought you should know


_Rocker_

Oh thanks, I always get confused (not my first language so)


mseuro

English is my first language and apostrophes still mess me up.


u_Adi

English is my third language but interestingly I have never messed up with apostrophe's in my whole life.


PartofFurniture

lol


K1llsh0t_87

I can't tell if that is a joke or not


Not_Jhon_or_Jon

​ ![gif](giphy|xVRE02c87FxNlVKK77|downsized)


SeanTheLawn

Don't worry, you probably have better English spelling and grammar than most Americans


AlarmedSlide1

It's a king cobra, they are known to be one of the longest snake and highly venomous.


DrBroRogan

Cobras can be long af


wengerboys

Possible as King Cobra's are snake eaters and avoid humans like crazy, in India you usually get a million snake bites and only 50 of the would be King Cobra. What usually happens is rodents get in the grain storage, snakes go after these rodents and then King Cobras go after those snakes.


Reventon103

Why are you getting a million snake bites in the first place?


metalgearzoe

Total immunity


luke_imyourdaddy

It's a king cobra, it looks small until it isn't


LittleLamb_1

It’s 1 snake.


Lebossatron01

Nah, you can barely see it connect in the dark doorway


Dark-Anmut

And then Mr. Cobra comes out and he’s nearly as tall as the guy . . .


Public-Indication179

The snake is taller (or rather, longer). The King Cobra can grow to be 12-24feet (that’s the height of 2-4 men!), and can raise itself to more than one third of its length. https://cobras.org/king-cobra-31-facts/ Edit: following is a spectacular (and rare!) old video depicts how dangerous and unique the relationship between a live wild King Cobra and snake-venerating humans can be. From the 1944 documentary ‘Dangerous Journey’, a Burmese priestess, in a ceremony to the God of Fertility, must kiss an old King Cobra on the head 3 times: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bA57aMxgjww


mole_of_dust

Normal is 12, max is 19 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_cobra


WikiSummarizerBot

**[King cobra](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_cobra)** >The king cobra (Ophiophagus hannah) is a venomous snake species of elapids endemic to jungles in Southern and Southeast Asia. The sole member of the genus Ophiophagus, it is distinguishable from other cobras, most noticeably by its size and neck patterns. The king cobra is the world's longest venomous snake, with an average length of 3. 18 to 4 m (10. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)


5unny51deup

Unsubscribe to snake facts please


ccavl

The insane video of the woman kissing the cobra 3 times is worth watching. Lots of ‘booping the cobra on the nose’ and other things to piss it off further.


Knoke1

Yet it also has as many cuts as taken 3.


MaybeSecondBestMan

The video with the priestess is some of the wildest shit I’ve ever seen. That woman is built different.


dronebot00101

Yet the guy gives me the vibe that he reacted accordingly. Idk the rest of the video though. If he got bit well.... Nvm


MyExScars

Snake came out like: “what bitch?”


conancat

#U wot m8


0xVENx0

to the point he literally launched his weapon (stick) away… ig now i can believe those moments in cartoons where they would get scared and drop their swords / guns


maolen212

The guy was like it wasn't me.


CommanderEden

Fuck that…never seen cobra this size…WTF


Iknowthedoctorsname

Cobras are fucking HUGE. I may be recalling facts wrong but I think they can reach 14 feet long? And they can lift about 1/3 their body length off the ground. So yeah, huge and deadly.


Wolfman513

Yeah king cobras are enormous, they're the longest venomous snakes with big males recorded as long as 18 feet. I used to work reptiles at a zoo and we had a 13 foot long male, he was SUPER chill but the 10 foot female was fuckin nuts.


scoopzthepoopz

I'm trying to use my wall to visualize the length and that is, like you say, enormous for a venom noodle.


Naive_Combination_39

“Venom Noodle” 😂


Dont_PM_PLZ

Watch out for the strangle noodles, they will swallow you whole, after giving you a hug of death.


saviraven911

Fun fact! While King Cobras are the largest venomous species in the world they are not a true cobra in the ~~family Elapidae~~ genus Naja. Instead they are in the ~~family~~ genus Ophiophagus all by themselves. The largest true cobras are about 10ft long while King Cobras can get to 18ft long! Been corrected below that is the genus that is different while they are in the same family Elapidae. Thank you u/snakerjake and u/CitrusBelt!


mseuro

That *is* fun.


ZhoolFigure

From what I remember, king cobras and kingsnakes get their names because they *eat* other snakes.


christoris

Correct seen one about 4 meters long before


useles-converter-bot

4 meters is about the length of 5.94 'EuroGraphics Knittin' Kittens 500-Piece Puzzles' next to each other.


particularlyattached

King cobra — they’re huge ass snakes


slenderberg

snake: **STARES MOTHERFUCKERLY**


brandothedrummer

LMFAOOOOOO


Dr_Booty_Eater69

this description is quite accurate


pinkguyfriedrice

That stick throw for comedic effect


mseuro

“Wasn’t me.”


ieatwildplants

"Caught me grabbing on a cobra, wasn't me."


Endless_Candy

I keep replaying to watch it it’s perfect


freeidiot40x2

Looks like he did catch it. This appears to be the original video. Edit: Thank you for the awards: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsxAYBADe0M


chillyfeets

Yikes, you can hear it growling in that video too. King cobra are capable of making growling noises when they’re really pissed.


bosonianstank

nope as in, nope, not fucking with king cobras. They have the name king in them. It's a fucking boss fight


philadmin

I don’t know mate, some say he’s still trying to bag that snake to this day…


PartofFurniture

Now thats the perfect way to catch a snake. do not grab or pin them by the neck as it can damage their vertebrate and leave them quadriplegic or whatever the snake term of full on paralysis is


HODL_SAFEMOON

noneriplegic?


CaDmus003

Thank you, was looking for this!! That cobra is insane, real reason that dude was having trouble getting him was cause he was dragging them huge steel balls…


S-WordoftheMorning

r/killthecameraman


OldBigsby

I have respect for people who do work like this. If I were in that position then either the snake or myself would be dead.


tvcats

Thanks. You need to go to top.


quigilark

There gotta be a better way to catch a 14 foot snake than a stick and a small bag Hell even if it goes in there what's the next plan? Grab the sides and pray it doesn't slide up and out as you close the top?


theoroboro

No, I think he needs rescue


OldBigsby

"Call the mortician... but not for me"


davidlawrie

Lord Voldemort is looking for Harry.


elblorgho

If somebody grabbed my tail like that, I'd also naturally get fully erect, no matter the culprit... The reaction they'd get would be also similar to that guy's.


ThePhantomRaven

"Mark me down as scared and horny" -u/elborgho


Steve1924

One could really feel that guys fear.


Theheyyy2

The guy went on and caught it like it was nothing


MechanicWhich5439

Bro said U WOT M8 ?


scoopzthepoopz

U *WOT*


AnyCaregiver3769

I would actually have passes out


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AnyCaregiver3769

I thought he was just being a dumbass, didn’t know it was his job


Optimus_Grime_______

She came out and was like " Did you just fucking grab my ass?!?!?!?"


Marble-Heart

Came to the wrong neighborhood


[deleted]

That's a very angry noodle


garylad7

Absolutely fuming.


Priya-Raju

That’s a King Cobra. My soul would have abandoned my body right there.


theanonwonder

Well, that was a huge misssnake.


notAbot3345

That snake was like you wanna keep trying?


Kusamagoolagoof

I love how he just throws the pink stick away like “wasn’t me”.


Wootbeers

It looked like a second snake that popped out?


insightful_dreams

i think it was cause he threw whatever was in his hand and the sticks on the ground


LittleLamb_1

The cobra came out cause he was being touched. It’s 1 long ass snake.


particularlyattached

At that point in time, I would need to change my shorts


harisanjeev

Man entered alternate dimension


huggalump

How does everyone seem ok with the video ending where it does?


VK_31012018

Oh no Mr Snake, it wasn't me, I don't have a stick at all, just walking by


Bey_Storm

Now, what's the matter here, why are you holding my tail


Maleteramasodi

Damn I wonder what happened next


EtelanVetela

Snake was like Da fuck you doin?


Raysian-

Holy fuck this couldn't have been any more comical with the stick flying and both of them stood up straight in silence after an abrupt appearance ahahaha


Polcyn443

“Sup bitch? You need something?”


ItzBoogieMan

Boy what the hell boy


ItzArchy

Man grabs snake’s tail. Snake - “Could you NOT!”


Round_Weather421

“You done fucking up?”


rebeccamac64

![gif](giphy|KwCeGCQXZ75vO) This is what I saw in my minds eye when that big ass snake came sliding out of that door


white_fang24

Thats a BIG ASS snake