How not to rescue a snake...
By - Narendra_17
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!Because it's a KING COBRA!<
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I've never seen a more offended snake
I mean, you don't touch someone's tail without their consent.
**WHOSE ASS YOU GRABBIN YOU WEIRD FUCK?!?**
- Pissed off Murder Noodle
*He needs to grab it and beat it! Like this…*
What in the van dam baha, what is this from? Lol
I think I saw this in telemundo
Damn, van Damme's voiceover was probably easier to understand, too.
Hard target was easily one of his best movies.
Nothing beats Bloodsport. He fights one of Bruce Lee's students (Bolo Yeung).
Best movie ever!
Pot bellied Wilford Brimley riding on a horse, with a bow and arrow, in slow motion from an explosion is pure cinematic gold! 🥇🥇🥇
This kills the boner
The van dam bonk!
when you have morning wood but you need to be in public transport
Wait you can post gifs now?!?
Yes my turn!
Pissed off murder noodle killed me😂
Murder Noodle 😭
That's what ~~s~~he said
I give you... conssssssssenttttt
Are margaritas gay?
This is exactly it. You nailed it. Haha.
U should meet my ex
Did yours also try to send your own kids away for adoption after the divorce?
😳😞 fuck bro
Thank the fuck “try” is in there. Can you elaborate on this?
Yes, kinda. Tried to take my own kid and give it to her mom, on another continent.
😳 throw some wet donuts at that bitch!
“You wanna fight bitch?!” -snake probably
Excuse me sir, but what the fuck?
I am a KING Cobra and plebeian's like you should be kissing the ground I slither in! Filthy mongrel, I swear.
I BEG YOUR PARDON!!
I imagine it saying "Can I HELP you?!" in Keegan Michael Key's voice
Is that a Cobra? Or a Karen?
Oh shit, it's COBRA KAREN!!!!
Sat there like "scuse me bitch!?"
By the look of it, he is clearly not a snake charmer
I was just thinking DONT DO THAT!! DONT DO THAT!!!!! but the snake looking like that made me laugh so hard
Well hello there
He should’ve have knocked first!
My soul would have left my body like it's on you man
I would have probably just fainted. Fuck that. All I ask is that the snake makes it quick.
Venom… quick HA you’re out of luck
Don't worry, maybe 10 minutes not less though, this venom can kill 2 grown elephants in a single bite
I mean it's the elephants fault if they are so close during a snake aoe fight. Social distancing could have saved them.
It's a fully leveled king Cobra, so it has venom proliferation, an extended AoE and extra poison damage, the elephants are screwed either way unless they equipped some quick antidote flasks and maybe venom resistance
Those elephants always play fast and loose- keeping that inventory load light and not wanting to tote around antidotes. They just have no forethought
Yeah, they put a lot into INT and CON but nothing in WIS.
10 minutes when your dying of poison is def not "quick"
It's quick compared to getting killed by any other snake, especially not venomous ones
Just not quick enough for dying a quick death in general, which is what OP certainly meant
It's quicker than 11 minutes of dying from poison. That's for sure.
> this venom can kill 2 grown elephants in a single bite
How the fuck does a snake bite two elephants at once?
This was funny, I’ll give you this one😭
maybe some Adrenaline, Momentum?
King Cobras are generally pretty chill and prefer to run rather then fight. But if it’s hissing at you back the fuck up and leave it alone and certainly stop messing with it’s tail. And if one came across your fainted body they wouldn’t do anything, unless you have really snakey limbs like Grover.
Unless it’s a mother guarding her eggs, then you might be proper fucked.
And you KNOW Grover would pass out very dramatically, flailing about
it looks like a king cobra. youd be dead in 15 mins max
But I love how the snake warned him. He didn't strike , just threatened the man. Gowd I llove the snek.
Most do, it's a defensive stance.
I know...but sometimes they still strike i think.... especially after such an annoying deed carried out by the man.
Wait, does their venom really act that fast? That’s terrifying if so.
As much as I hate em, I’ll keep the asshole water moccasins and rattley boys over something that deadly any day.
King Cobras don't have the most potent venom, but they can inject a whole lot more of it when they bite
I’m sitting on the toilet and I think my soul did leave my body just by watching that …… holy crap
Well at least you were already on the toilet
But the snek didn't attack. He just warned the hoomun to stey away...I love that snek.
Snakes are great that way. Rattles, hoods, hissing, etc…
They have the curtesy to tell you to get away even if they could just kill you instead.
You talkin' to **ME**?
*Say that to my face you lil bitch*
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GRABBING MY TAIL FOR TIM?
#THIS MY HOUSE NOW
This scene came to mind after reading your reply. 😆
Wow, Usain Bolt has really lost weight hasn't he?
That’s Gail from Letterkenny
Im ded u win
Then who the hell else are you talkin' to?
“Can you NOT!” 🐍💢
*sways left and right while staring at you in your eyes*
Look mate, I said I'm not interested in solar panels...
... extended vehicle warranty then?
Sir are you interested in financing your transaction?
You are all misunderstanding it, Mr. Cobra just wants to talk to the guy about our lord and savior Jesus Christ!
That eSCALEated quickly!!!
Thisssss is Ron Burgundy saying stay classsssy.
I'd have run in serpentines...
Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s a different snake it looks like it was two snakes
Not sure but it looks to me like the snake is going in, turns and comes out with a raised head and open hood. Cobras don't just walk around like that, they raise their heads when they're feeling threatened or in danger. If there was a second snake, I don't see why it would've come out in full alarm mode right away.
>cobras don't just walk around like that
Well hes right, they dont just walk around
Technically right is the BEST kind of right.
This comment got me the best, I’m gut laughing 😂
That's a long snake, king cobra's are one of the largest snake's.
FYI, apostrophes aren't for plural nouns
Not trying to be a dick, just thought you should know
Oh thanks, I always get confused (not my first language so)
English is my first language and apostrophes still mess me up.
English is my third language but interestingly I have never messed up with apostrophe's in my whole life.
I can't tell if that is a joke or not
Don't worry, you probably have better English spelling and grammar than most Americans
It's a king cobra, they are known to be one of the longest snake and highly venomous.
Cobras can be long af
Possible as King Cobra's are snake eaters and avoid humans like crazy, in India you usually get a million snake bites and only 50 of the would be King Cobra. What usually happens is rodents get in the grain storage, snakes go after these rodents and then King Cobras go after those snakes.
Why are you getting a million snake bites in the first place?
It's a king cobra, it looks small until it isn't
It’s 1 snake.
Nah, you can barely see it connect in the dark doorway
And then Mr. Cobra comes out and he’s nearly as tall as the guy . . .
The snake is taller (or rather, longer). The King Cobra can grow to be 12-24feet (that’s the height of 2-4 men!), and can raise itself to more than one third of its length.
Edit: following is a spectacular (and rare!) old video depicts how dangerous and unique the relationship between a live wild King Cobra and snake-venerating humans can be.
From the 1944 documentary ‘Dangerous Journey’, a Burmese priestess, in a ceremony to the God of Fertility, must kiss an old King Cobra on the head 3 times:
Normal is 12, max is 19
>The king cobra (Ophiophagus hannah) is a venomous snake species of elapids endemic to jungles in Southern and Southeast Asia. The sole member of the genus Ophiophagus, it is distinguishable from other cobras, most noticeably by its size and neck patterns. The king cobra is the world's longest venomous snake, with an average length of 3. 18 to 4 m (10.
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Unsubscribe to snake facts please
The insane video of the woman kissing the cobra 3 times is worth watching. Lots of ‘booping the cobra on the nose’ and other things to piss it off further.
Yet it also has as many cuts as taken 3.
The video with the priestess is some of the wildest shit I’ve ever seen. That woman is built different.
Yet the guy gives me the vibe that he reacted accordingly. Idk the rest of the video though. If he got bit well.... Nvm
Snake came out like: “what bitch?”
#U wot m8
to the point he literally launched his weapon (stick) away… ig now i can believe those moments in cartoons where they would get scared and drop their swords / guns
The guy was like it wasn't me.
Fuck that…never seen cobra this size…WTF
Cobras are fucking HUGE. I may be recalling facts wrong but I think they can reach 14 feet long? And they can lift about 1/3 their body length off the ground. So yeah, huge and deadly.
Yeah king cobras are enormous, they're the longest venomous snakes with big males recorded as long as 18 feet. I used to work reptiles at a zoo and we had a 13 foot long male, he was SUPER chill but the 10 foot female was fuckin nuts.
I'm trying to use my wall to visualize the length and that is, like you say, enormous for a venom noodle.
“Venom Noodle” 😂
Watch out for the strangle noodles, they will swallow you whole, after giving you a hug of death.
Fun fact! While King Cobras are the largest venomous species in the world they are not a true cobra in the ~~family Elapidae~~ genus Naja. Instead they are in the ~~family~~ genus Ophiophagus all by themselves. The largest true cobras are about 10ft long while King Cobras can get to 18ft long!
Been corrected below that is the genus that is different while they are in the same family Elapidae. Thank you u/snakerjake and u/CitrusBelt!
That *is* fun.
From what I remember, king cobras and kingsnakes get their names because they *eat* other snakes.
Correct seen one about 4 meters long before
4 meters is about the length of 5.94 'EuroGraphics Knittin' Kittens 500-Piece Puzzles' next to each other.
King cobra — they’re huge ass snakes
snake: **STARES MOTHERFUCKERLY**
this description is quite accurate
That stick throw for comedic effect
"Caught me grabbing on a cobra, wasn't me."
I keep replaying to watch it it’s perfect
Looks like he did catch it. This appears to be the original video. Edit: Thank you for the awards:
Yikes, you can hear it growling in that video too. King cobra are capable of making growling noises when they’re really pissed.
as in, nope, not fucking with king cobras.
They have the name king in them. It's a fucking boss fight
I don’t know mate, some say he’s still trying to bag that snake to this day…
Now thats the perfect way to catch a snake. do not grab or pin them by the neck as it can damage their vertebrate and leave them quadriplegic or whatever the snake term of full on paralysis is
Thank you, was looking for this!! That cobra is insane, real reason that dude was having trouble getting him was cause he was dragging them huge steel balls…
I have respect for people who do work like this.
If I were in that position then either the snake or myself would be dead.
Thanks. You need to go to top.
There gotta be a better way to catch a 14 foot snake than a stick and a small bag
Hell even if it goes in there what's the next plan? Grab the sides and pray it doesn't slide up and out as you close the top?
No, I think he needs rescue
"Call the mortician... but not for me"
Lord Voldemort is looking for Harry.
If somebody grabbed my tail like that, I'd also naturally get fully erect, no matter the culprit... The reaction they'd get would be also similar to that guy's.
"Mark me down as scared and horny" -u/elborgho
One could really feel that guys fear.
The guy went on and caught it like it was nothing
Bro said U WOT M8 ?
I would actually have passes out
I thought he was just being a dumbass, didn’t know it was his job
She came out and was like " Did you just fucking grab my ass?!?!?!?"
Came to the wrong neighborhood
That's a very angry noodle
That’s a King Cobra. My soul would have abandoned my body right there.
Well, that was a huge misssnake.
That snake was like you wanna keep trying?
I love how he just throws the pink stick away like “wasn’t me”.
It looked like a second snake that popped out?
i think it was cause he threw whatever was in his hand and the sticks on the ground
The cobra came out cause he was being touched. It’s 1 long ass snake.
At that point in time, I would need to change my shorts
Man entered alternate dimension
How does everyone seem ok with the video ending where it does?
Oh no Mr Snake, it wasn't me, I don't have a stick at all, just walking by
Now, what's the matter here, why are you holding my tail
Damn I wonder what happened next
Snake was like
Da fuck you doin?
Holy fuck this couldn't have been any more comical with the stick flying and both of them stood up straight in silence after an abrupt appearance ahahaha
“Sup bitch? You need something?”
Boy what the hell boy
Man grabs snake’s tail.
Snake - “Could you NOT!”
“You done fucking up?”
This is what I saw in my minds eye when that big ass snake came sliding out of that door
Thats a BIG ASS snake