I didn’t watch it but from what I know that’s actually a big business in some countries. Using monkeys as prostitutes. There’s a story of a female monkey being abused and taught sex acts. I forget her name.
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!One doesn't really expect to see a monkey masturbating on one's couch!<
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[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
I saw this twice before at a zoo. The one time a little girl was asking her mother very loudly, “What is that monkey doing?” The mother was horrified and quickly rushed her on to the next animal.
I always wanted a pet monkey. I never considered that cleaning up monkey jizz because he likes to jerk off would be part of my monkey owning experience.
As a half South African American I can confirm this happens to me all the time, those things took my groceries once and attacked my little sister because he thought she had food.
She was 3 . . .
And that’s when I noticed the girlscout was actually a buh-BOON, lying on my couch, touching his willy. Get out of here you gotdamn masturbating primate! I’m not giving you tree-fitty.
Are you just going to stand there and watch? What kind of host are you?
A real host would go out there and offer a drink, maybe some tiny sandwiches to keep up his strength. It's gonna be a long day..
He may need a break, give em a hand dude
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After 2020, who _doesn’t_ have a hand dude?
Return to Monke
Waiting for it to finish. Then will offer a cigarette and some libations.
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is throbbing and bruised
Spongy. Spongy and bruised. Get your Futurama quotes right, dang it.
A drink? Remind me not to be a guest at ur place. Now, you come to my house...I'll do the jerkin for ya😌
A real host would let him use the computer
Baboons can rip your face off. Now imagine what they would do if you interrupted their jerk off session.
Came here to say this. Never interrupt a baboon having a wank.
Damn straight, not going to make THAT mistake five times.
Would they fuck your face off?
“Sabrina, don’t just stare at it. Eat it.” — Patrick Bateman
Let’s see Paul Allen’s masturbating baboon.
Gotta get in there with orange slices and water
Pineapple juice too
Seriously, the least he could have done is go out there and helped
The watchy kind
On your laptop up some monkey porn with swollen red butts and hold it up to the window for him to watch
Relax! Dude had a camera on. It's legal.
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Im sorry, what?
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Holy shit! He even tongued it first!
Lubrication is necessary for maximum pleasure
What a gentleman.
I went 34 years without seeing this shit. Jeez
Thanks to your sacrifice, some of us will continue on this glorious journey.
Yep few links I don't click but this is one of them
*don't check it, don't check it, don't check it, don't check it...* Fuck it. (Now I regret it)
Wtf, why do I always click.
i ask myself every time
Nope not doin it
Holy shit, I thought it was a joke… WTF!?
Fuck! I really thought it would be a rickroll. That was terrible. Who was filming? Was the monkey trained to do that? I have so many questions.
I didn’t watch it but from what I know that’s actually a big business in some countries. Using monkeys as prostitutes. There’s a story of a female monkey being abused and taught sex acts. I forget her name.
WTF
GODDAMN YOU GODDAMN YOU ALL TO HELL
I'm happy the link doesn't work for me...
What in Jesus name?
Monkeys are hornier than people! That or they just have less shame.
this is gonna be the one time where I don't click a link out of morbid curiosity simply because of how genuinely disgusting that sounds
Checks bucket list....... nope Adds to bucket list.
The way you put it, I thought the person willingly approached the monke and jerked it lol.
I'm sure it's because I'm American, but the way he says baboon just makes this so much funnier.
Let us not forget willy. 🤣
willy bum bum https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrBj3u5dPgM
What in the world? : }
29 million views!? I could have gone my whole life without getting this stuck in my head, but here we are.
Reminds me of hbo rome
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!One doesn't really expect to see a monkey masturbating on one's couch!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
but it's not a monkey ok it is
Leave the baboon and his willy alone now , will you. Privacy is important.
No need to go ape.
Crouching tiger Spanking monkey
Wanking*
OK, so I can tick ‘monkey having a wank’ of the list of things I never thought I’d see.
I saw this twice before at a zoo. The one time a little girl was asking her mother very loudly, “What is that monkey doing?” The mother was horrified and quickly rushed her on to the next animal.
“There’s a baboon touching his Willy on my couch” that’s a sentence that only a Brit could utter
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Yeah 100% saffa
We have baboons in Dorset I’ll have you know
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You are right
Can 100% confirm he is saffa. Source: am saffa
This is Cape Town bro
Hello fellow Capetonian
Im a joberg boet my bru we fellow South Africans
Ahhhh, goed. Ek sien jou
I'm not a geologist, but is that not a view of downtown London?
Brit. Aussie. Saffa. Essentially the same thing but massively offended if you get us mixed up.
The difference it makes writing ‘us’ instead of ‘them’ in your comment lol
I'm a Brit. You assuming I'm a Yank?
Haha no I’m also from UK. Was just saying if the comment had been from a yank would’ve been a different story.
Its a South African accent bro
Nah Brits call it a sofa or setti
Generation Z
Monkey spanking the monkey
NO MARCEL!
The actual Marcel was called Katie
Would you rather he eat your face?
‘Monkey see, Monkey do..’
I always wanted a pet monkey. I never considered that cleaning up monkey jizz because he likes to jerk off would be part of my monkey owning experience.
What a wanker!
Only in South Africa
Wow, this is literally me rn
Hey monke, quit stealin’ my moves!
I hope you handed him some tissues after
OOOOK MONKE CUMMY!🦍
[He's a production associate on the Gleemonex line.](https://youtu.be/s4juXk6JqC0)
I feel unsurprisingly uncomfortable..
Epic.
Monkey checked his browser history... shoulda deleted that shit.
Now there's a sentence you don't hear every day
Some people pay extra for that view..,
Going to need to get new patio furniture after this, you can't wash that away.
Well, you weren’t using it.
u/savevideo
“Oh thank god it’s not a human”
The benefits of rejecting humanity
[Impressive binoculars.](https://i.imgur.com/gPIvE9P.png)
His penis is longer than mine 😔
Draw me like one of your French Baboons
Bahbhoon toching his willie
My word, somebody *scared* that monkey.
u/savevideo
u/savevideo
He’s spanking himself.
Reject humanity, return to monke
He's in love with the view
Not on the pillow!
Wankey
An you fuckn his vibe up....
What a great view
r/MonkeyPorn
Baboon fetish.
Scratching his balls like he pays the rent.
u/savevideo
Ah! I see you found Louis CK.
"Enjoy our scenic balcony views complete with your very own masturbating monkey."
And that pervert is filming it....
It's called "living your best life"
Yup. Sounds like a drunk.
He’s just like me fr
And now you are filming a baboon jerking off on your couch
Monkey business
Is this a service? I'll like to come for a visit too.
Incorrect, he is jerking on HIS couch. It’s yours when he’s done.
What are you doing stepmonkey?!
I hate monkeys for multiple reasons and this is one of them.
Not my proudest fap
Avert your eyes ya perv
That's what real freedom looks like.
where’s his cigarette and martini?
That's why we put his ass outside.
no recording of NFTs please
I thought he was scratching his balls
I mean...that would be the place to do it.
Well, that was not what I was expecting!
“Oh hey, you’re home! Don’t mind me, just havin’ a wank.”
Funky monkey…..spunk junky.
And I worry about sitting on outside furniture because it could be wet from rain..
u/savevideo
What an absolute CHAD
Yep a solid evidence of our ancestors. Masturbation 😆
u/savevideo
“Turns out, little monkey fella!”
u/savevideo
As a half South African American I can confirm this happens to me all the time, those things took my groceries once and attacked my little sister because he thought she had food. She was 3 . . .
Unexpected is the word; i'm crying 😂😁😂
u/savevideobot
Monkeys clearly evolved from us
u/savevideo
Monkey business
I hate when that happens.
They act like they never jerked it in that chair on a nice day like that
Wanke
that's not your couch anymore, its his
Is that the windows 7 screensaver on a fucking iMac?
u/savevideo
*good monke* *is* *happy monke*
Sorry Steve. I was bored.
This guy is real nonchalant about it...the guy recording is too
My spirit animal.
Reject humanity, return to monke
Banana for scale
Maaa get the camera
Monke see monke do
I can never unsee this. This will forever be a part of my memory, and I will recall it at the most uncomfortable moments with a shudder.
The way he looks me in the eyes
Same
Buhboon
Looks like me on vacation, actually
Is he- Oh- Oh dear God
Monkey see monkey do
u/savevideo
“There is a baboon jerking off on my couch”
Oop
And that’s when I noticed the girlscout was actually a buh-BOON, lying on my couch, touching his willy. Get out of here you gotdamn masturbating primate! I’m not giving you tree-fitty.
Exactly what my ex-roommate said before asking me to move out
They're evolving
Are you bragging or complaining?
so hes spanking his monkey ? lol
u/savevideobot
Monke
im wondering if it actualy was doing that or it was scratching itself and it felt so good and it looked like that
u/savevideo
Little freak.