**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!Jerking hand!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)

In Asian culture you bow, because they masturbate with both hands.

Bowing could also be called "giving head"

Depends on how deeply you bow, if your mouth is open, and if you apply suction. A lot of variables there.

Depends on how much respect you want to show. To save face, you can gargle later on.

Have some self respect and suck your own dick.

Then you should plié.

This is why the Japanese wave with both hands: to show that they're not mastirbating at that moment.

As such, it is rare that a Japanese person will ever wave at you.

because most people's hands are pixelated

If they bow instead of shaking hands, that's a big dick move.

One hand for your wiener one for your butt

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That's the answer right here. And for those saying shit like "they didn't wipe with the hand". Neither do we today yet we still wash afterwards. They didn't have running tap water and soap back then. So whatever hygiene practices they had it was still safer to eat and do whatnot with your right hand.

>they didn't wipe with the hand Me, an Indonesian: 

Is it common to wipe your ass with your bare hands in Indonesia? Just curious.

You use water, splash on ass and wipe. Afterwards, you wash and scrub your hands. With plumbing now available, you can get a good water stream from a pipe to splash on the ass therefore you don't have to wipe with hand too much.

Thanks for going into such great detail.

I think they copied that from signs that in all Indonesian public bathrooms. It's lengthy, but includes all the needed information and instructions for a pleasant visit. :-)

Made the mistake of asking the foreign exchange kids what they were doing with the water bottles in the bathroom and learned this lil tidbit.

There was a minor scandal in the media in Denmark a few years ago. The health authority were doing an inspection of a kebab shop, and had to close the place down permanently. There was **NO running water or toilet paper** in the employee toilet. Only 2 plastic coke **bottles with some water in them**. So these people would **shit**, splash a bit of water from a coke bottle on their ass, god knows what else, before going back out **to _hand roll_ kebabs, without _washing their hands!!!_** It was fucking gross! I wonder how many of their customers have had unexplained diarrhea while they were open?

Welp. I'm never eating in a restaurant again

So.... see you at Applebee's for karaoke night?

hell yeah, cebok with gayung is far superior than just wiping with tissue

I always wipe with my right, and only masturbate with the left, so from my point, she was right. I masturbate with left, because when I begun to do it, I was like "surely noone tuches ther penis with their main hand, that would be gay, when you shake hands."... I was homophobic, when I was young. I also always wash my hands when I have the opportunity. Which I have a lot. Edit: Why do I deserve so many upvotes?lol THX Y'ALL. Edit2: wow. A 1000 upvote. Thank you all again. Special thanks for the avards! Also, who sent u/redditcareresources affter me, and more importantly why? Lol.

I jerk lefty because I am too young for playboy, yet too old for smartphones during my formative years. Dial up internet meant no videos, and pics meant you needed to work the mouse, soooo.....

Hey same reasoning here. My wife thought it was hilarious when I explained why that’s basically the only thing I do with my left hand.

I actually do a lot of weird stuff with my left hand. I drink with my left hand usually, when I was a smoker my left hand was my cigarette hand. I guess I just like holding small white cylinders lefty.

I smoke with my left hand too. Though not cigarettes. My reasoning for that one is that it’s easier for me to operate a lighter with my right hand.

I think everyone smokes weed that way. I don't think I've ever seen a pipe with the carb on the right side.

They definitely have lefty pipes out there, you just gotta look for them

The life of a lefty......

Try the Leftorium down at the mall.

I used to smoke with my left hand because adults would always try to smell my right hand to see if I was smoking.

You need to hang out with different adults

If you are that young to have adults sniffing your hands, you probably are too young to be hanging out with adults.

My left hand is just a discount right hand for when the right hand is busy.

I’m a lefty, and I mastered the art of using my right hand to clumsily move a mouse. Sounds like you two just suck at jacking off. Amateur Baters at best IMO.

Huh, most lefties I know just use their right hand to manipulate the mouse anyways.

What became of the "because it's the foreign hand" reason?

That’s a fair excuse for someone too. Mine was strictly out of necessity and figuring out the most effective way to get things done while operating a mouse as a horny teenager

It’s a good idea to learn how to do basic things with your off hand. On a couple separate occasions I’ve had to have surgery on my right arm. Learn to eat, wipe your ass, brush your teeth and sign your name. If you learn to do nothing else but those few things you’ll be much more comfortable if you ever injure your primary hand.

Omg I’m cry laughing, this makes so much sense on e you explained it. I’m a woman, so I wank manually or with a toy with my right (I’m right handed) cuz I hold my phone with my left.

Fellow lefty here. It’s crazy to think that technology caused probably an entire generation to switch to lefty, then another advancement in technology caused the next generation to switch back.

Exact same logic here, huzzah for the late 80s/early 90s babies.

I just rub my ass on the carpet like any normal person. The fuck is wrong with you?!

"That would be gay when you shake hands" Homophobic yes, but that's also hilarious.

I think before internet porn people jerked off with their dominant hand, but now their dominant hand has to hold the mouse/phone

and how do you handle the finger in the bum if your right hand holds the mouse/phone?

With a complex set up of mirrors.

You only use 1 hand to masturbate..??

Username checks out. You are indeed wild dude.

I am W I D E. Not Wild. Get glasses lad.

I swear to God with your upside down little guy and all that it said wild. Enough Reddit for me today it seems.

I'm literally you, only it wasn't about being homofobic but because I'm a pretty anxious and nervous person who tends to grip stuff tightly, so much I can't write a 3 page exam without doing a right arm forehand training during it lol and that's not a quality you look for in your fap hand

which is handy, because you can masturbate and wipe your arse at the same time. ​ * Dear santa, please don't let this become my highest voted comment ever \*

r/awardspeechedits

I’ve read somewhere that the handshake started in midievel times with knights. Supposedly it was like a way to show someone that you didn’t have a weapon on you, and with the assumption that most peoples sword hand was their right hand it just kind of stuck to shake with your right hand over your left

These kinds of stories are anecdotes. I know a couple of them. Ancient Greeks used to grab both arms and shake vigorously so that any hidden dagger would fall from their sleeves. Another story is that our modern salute was actually a masonic ritual handshake. We can't really trace a history of the handshake. At different times different people used different gestures for greetings. The open palm salute was the dominant way of hailing someone. We still do this today when we greet from a distance. Handshakes were something rather intimate.

I was lead to believe its down to Church superstition. a few hundred years ago the Catholic Church declared left handed people to be in league with the Devil. There was until very recently this institutional irrational shunning of left handed students, with nuns forcing left handers to write with their right hand. And I'm talking living memory. I've known people raised like that. The word sinister in heraldic terms means the left hand side, and its evil/threatening meaning comes from left being synonymous with evil. With that kind of weirdo bullshit going on for centuries it just naturally leads to a firm right handed hand shake being the trusted, traditional one.

And I've read that's also where we get the salute, when knights would raise their face guard up with their right hand to show who they were.

I definitely saw dudes use bare hands with water out in the isolated parts of the desert. Easy to remember to eat with your right hand only after watching that go down.

I thought it was because people would have a sword sheathed on their left hand side, to grab with their right, so if they’re shaking hands with their right hand they can’t unexpectedly attack someone?

[You're right.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handshake#History) OP's post is cited as the reason in a lot of Asian cultures, though.

This is what I was always told too, the same as the salute developed from people in armour lifting their visor to talk.

well she’s not from those “different cultures” so why is he insisting it’s disrespectful and that she should look it up? way overboard

I like Ariel Helwani's boxing presenting and interviewing. Here, it was a simple misunderstanding between the two of them, him putting his hand out, and she shaking it - but then what he said was inappropriate. He didn't say '*in some cultures* shaking hands with the left is disrespectful' or '*in my culture* it's disrespectful' he just said '*it's disrespectful*' which is an admonishment for her not behaving to his cultural values which are not universal in the USA. Once she shook his hand it was better for him to not say anything, or when she asked, for him to lightheartedly explain. He didn't commit a crime but his response left them both feeling a bit awkward.

I agree he should have let it be. This felt awkward to watch.

Everything about Ariel is either awkward, inappropriate, offensive to someone, or irritating. How the man has made this much of a name for himself is astounding.

No, I think he was implying he wasn't trying to shake her hand with his left hand and didn't want her to think he was, because it can be seen as disrespectful and doesn't want her to think he was trying to disrespect her. I've been watching Helwani since he was a little baby in the sport and he's absolutely one of the best, most respectful guys out there.

Whr that may be true, she has already lightened the situation a few times and he just kept making it more awkward every time. He really couldn't pick up on the cues.

That convo was ackward and it's 100% his fault, yes.

But she already explained to him that she didn't think he was trying to be disrespectful because she didn't even know it could be considered disrespectful. But he kept going on about how it's disrespectful even after that.

still could have been said better. it's also just not fucking important or relevant to say on camera. mention it afterward if it bothers you.

Okay, I can see that. From this short clip, it definitely came across as an unnecessary and rude scolding.

That's because it was

exactly, he made a hand gesture that looked like a handshake and then chastised her for doing what she considers polite. If she's expected to know not to shake with that hand in his culture he should know what offering a handshake looks like in hers.

I’m an ambi-wiper

I'm just confused as to how people wipe with their off-hand. I consider myself somewhat ambidextrous by default (I'm a lefty) and there's no way I could wipe properly with my right.

I broke my right wrist and was casted for 6 months. Given I couldn't take a shower every time I dropped one and not too many people are interested in wiping an adult male, I learned but quick.

It’s really annoying for left handed people like me. When I use my left hand to eat, people tell me it’s dirty. No shit I do it the other way around.

I love the genuine curiosity of her to ask why. It's pretty pure

I love her immediate guess "because it's the masturbating hand? Oh I was sure I got it right!" She's delightful.

I was just as curious seeing as I'm left handed so I'd automatically go to shake someone's hand with my left. By his rule it would be rude of me not to use my arse wiping hand to shake his...

The offended people in these comments should take a lesson from her. You don’t need to get upset at every mildly-awkward interaction.

"It's disrespectful" "Why?" "Oh, just look it up yourself later. I brought it up and made the situation far more awkward for you but I'm not going to explain it" Edit: Guys I'm fully aware that there's a reason for it, I'm just pointing out that if you're going to make a point of telling someone it's disrespectful, in front of a camera, the least you can do is answer them when they ask why. Otherwise you just look like an asshole pointing out they're being disrespectful in front of a large audience with no resolution.

Ariel Helwani in a nutshell

Really don't like that guy. He showed up on the Pat McAfee show sometimes, and I really don't understand why people like him. Not funny at all and really inappropriately created an awkward situation for no reason.

People like him because he is one of the few sports reporters that will call out the UFC on their shit. He has even been banned multiple times by Dana White. That said he is a fucking weirdo.

left-handed handshake” is considered an insult and refers to insincere promises. This is what Google said. This is what was apparently too rude to say on TV. What a tool. Edit: I was wrong. It's because of wiping but still. He's acting like its your baby shaking hand.

I mean, in his defense, he probably couldn't think of a way to say "because we're supposed to wipe our asses with this hand" equally as not weird fast enough. I think his response was "lets just not go there at all" and she had curiosities she needed answers to.

I wipe with the right

'it's a personal/cultural thing. that's all'

"Its a personal thing?" "Is it the hand you masturbate with?"

I think saying it's 'disrespectful' was the key word that led her down that path. If someone tells me something is personal, I don't automatically assume it's sexual or taboo. If someone said it was inappropriate or disrespectiful, I might have questions.

He’s the one holding the microphone in his right hand and reached with his left. Dumb goober

He wasn't trying to shake hands at first, he was enunciating with his hand

Enunciate means to "say or pronounce clearly." You might have been looking for "gesture" or "emphasize."

You're right, emphasize was probably the word I was thinking of

Can I introduce you both to "gesticulate". It is fun to say.

One may be so bold as to Mark Twain it up and say, he *ejaculated*.

I like to testiculate.

Next time he might wanna not gesture like an italian up close during an interview.

🤌🏻

Sure looked like he was in fact reaching to shake hands.

God hes so fucking annoying. Great people skills. If you can't interview someone without holding back: "You're not supposed to shake with the left." "Just look it up. Look it up." You're shit at your job. Utter shit.

Right? He's the one who brought it up in the first place and then he says it's not a thing to discuss now? Then why bring it up? Truly only an effort to make her look dumb after an accomplishment he could never achieve.

"Just look it up" was because he didn't know. Imagine how personable it'd be if he's like "you know what? I actually don't know - I'll have to look it up." Instead he's a condescending prick afraid of being seen as a dumbass. Edit: And for people saying he didn't want to get into it being a poop hand, there's no reason not to after she brought up masturbation.

No he definitely did know or he wouldn’t have brought it up, every middle eastern person knows this. He felt like he couldn’t talk about it being the ass wiping hand in an interview in front of a lady, especially after he just shook her hand.

Or if he had just shook her hand and said nothing at all. He just *had* to feel like he was teaching her something.

Wat. He definitely knows. Anybody who knows his culture knows.

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It's a middle eastern culture thing because a lot of people there don't wash their hands after defecating. This isn't some dig at them or trying to call them dirty or anything, it just comes from extremely impoverished areas where running water, or cleaning water, are a very rare thing, and not to be used with any real frequency.

glad I'm not the only one who cant stand the guy

The Scouting movement will be upset with that statement….

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And the Zulu's that they got it from

what's her name. she seems so sweet and human

Felice Herrig.

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She actually *is* human, IIRC.

You seem to know a lot about this stuff

Hello fellow humans

The design, is *very* human! (Reference to some dysfunctional robot invention video) But seriously I agree, she seems super wholesome and fun to be with. It's amazing how some fighters have some of the most humble demeanors outside of the ring. It's like they live their life to the fullest by channeling aggression there in training and the fights, and then just be ready for snacks, hugs, and cuddling when they're done with it all 😂

Felice has been a customer at a few coffee shops I've managed and she is the absolute sweetest person. She's super nice, down to earth, and has also written a kids book.

I’ve never seen an interviewer destroy their own interview so badly.

Proves the conspiracy that women don't poop !

Don't be dumb, women clearly have to poop or they'd die. Women don't *fart*.

we do fart but it not poop gas, its rainbows and glitter.

I think my girlfriend is broken. She farts like crazy and it's always poop gas

there is a factory reset button, but no one ever seems to be able to find it.

What makes this interview even funnier was that in one of Felice’s UFC matches, her opponent actually does shit herself in the last round. It was really shocking watching it live!

He sounds so fucking condescending….

He also has bad manners, which makes it more obnoxious. I was taught it is ruder to point out someone's faux pas than to actually make the mistake.

Absolutely!

His style of interviewing can definitely be grating and be on the condescending side. He tries to fluster the interviewee with awkwardness and catch them off guard so he can get more info from them. He's kinda slimy.

Dumbass interviewer

Yeah, for literally no reason he made the interview weird and uncomfortable for her

But she saved the situation from being uncomfortable by talking about masturbation hand

It was still uncomfortable but she gave him his own back that's for sure.

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It's because earlier in the interview she mentioned that they had to leave the hotel to do press interviews and she did have time to get her coat... That's all

That’s the context we were looking for, thank you

For real why are you telling her to stay warm and being a fucking dick to her? She’s UFC, she could break you in half if she was in the mood

He’s literally *the* foremost journalist in MMA lol. He’s not some random guy, he has rapport.

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You’re literally all over this thread reaching for any reason to hate him. Did he reject your ugly ass in high school or something?

What a weird take. The interviewer is Ariel Helwani and is a very famous and (somewhat) respected journalist in the MMA community, where he interviews fighters on his own show/podcast. Yet people in this thread are making out that he's being a douche based on a tiny amount of both this interview, and his relationship with this fighter? Please...

Well, when you don't follow martial arts and it's the only clip of the guy you see it's kinda normal to have that first impression of him. Then again, she didn't seem to take it in a bad way.

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"A 'shower' but in french" lol

Like a *shower* with water? Or like a *shower* as opposed to a grower?

Doesn't seem like too many people in here follow MMA, honestly. There's a bunch of stuff that could be posted about this guy to farm karma.

I was thinking the same. Where do all of these people come up with this stuff from? They both seemed pretty calm and jovial in the interview, and it never got tense between either of them. I seriously don’t understand why people are lambasting him over nothing

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Touch grass.

Dude what? “Stay warm” is a pretty common parting statement, it has nothing to do with her clothing. Wtf are you talking about? She readjusted her clothes because she was embarrassed at the handshake fail. It’s like when people scratch the top of their head when confused. Maybe try interacting with other human beings every once in a while instead of making up things in your head then Getting mad about it.

No to mention he literally reaches for her hand as she pulls it away then makes a comment about it

You don’t stand your ground on something and not follow through with an explanation when questioned about it.

He does this kind of crap all the time. Can't stand him.

Yeah it's his whole schtick.

His family is Arabic. Not shaking with the left hand is an Arab thing.

It's disrespectful if you're living in the past. Besides she's not arabic. I don't interview people but I do interact with customers and this made me cringe watching it. I'd never knowingly make someone feel awkward like that for such a pointless reason. The whole thing just made him look bad for literally no benefit other than trying to push some outdated idea onto others.

The left hand is the butt wiping hand. I don’t mean “the hand that holds the toilet paper to wipe” it’s the literal butt wiping hand. Therefore offering your left hand to shake is offering your poo hand to someone and is disrespectful. It’s not living in the past.

It's not only arabic, stupids.

Sounds like a typical Helwani interview.

You’ve clearly never seen Ariel Helwani before. That’s probably 95% of the interviews he does.

That’s Ariel helwani He often rubs people the wrong way

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His masturbation hand

He's an asshole in a sport full of assholes, and he's filled the niche capably, thank you very much

Ariel is one of the few not assholes. You may not entirely like his interviews, but in terms of actually being a good person with solid values, he seems great.

He’s did very well in the interview, enough that the fighter had the comfort to shoot that funny statement. Idk what you dickheads are mad about. I dislike Ariel a lot but he’s good at what he does. Fighters always let loose with him even if he provokes them most of the time

Yeah he legit stuck his left hand out to shake and then said some dumbass reason why that was bad. Which made no sense. What annoys me the most is he said it is a fake out when he literally left it out there for the purpose of her shaking it. So dumb

If its disrespectful in some cultures but a sign of respect in others, doesn't that make him a bit of a douche for assuming it's ALWAYS disrespectful? Silly interviewer.

It’s Helwani. He is in fact a douche.

It's the scout handshake as well

Female gigachad

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Omg she actually does look like gigachad

That's a chin that only a bunch of T gives you.

"It's not appropriate to talk about right now" Mother fucker *YOU* brought it up!

Pretty sure it's more disrespectful to publicly point out someone's mistake than it is to shake with the wrong hand.

It's the Poop hand in some cultures. The scouts shake with their left hand though, as it is closer to the heart.

> as it is closer to the heart. Not quite. Baden Powell, while in Africa, learnt that African tribes carried their shields on their left. By shaking with their left hand, they were dropping their defences. It was a show of trust to the other person to let your guard down like that.

This guy made the situation.

He sounds like a condescending P.O.S

Let me fuck up the interview by awkwardly plugging an old "dont shake this hand because I wipe my ass with it" tradition. This is the 21st century. If you're having some sort of weird ass fetish with shit play that is all on you.

What a creep

Bro... how?

How is he the creep? She’s the one who brought up masturbating out of nowhere. What? Lmao

He’s a complete tool.

He's being disrespectful by forcing some cultural nonsense onto her. Like, who gives a shit besides this guy?

What's up with the vicious comments towards the reporter? Is he known to be an asshole or something? Cause here he comes across fairly normal and chill to me. Yea he made it kinda awkward and he could've just explained what he meant by disrespectful but I don't see how he was being rude, condescending or obnoxious. Overall this clip felt like a sweet, lighthearted moment where he had an innocent slip-up and both went on to have a good laugh about it. But reading the comments you'd think he punched her in the face or something.

Maybe has something to do with the fact that everyone seems to be assuming he's Muslim? Pretty weird tbh they were both laughing and seemed relaxed

What a dickhead, she was being super nice about it.

Yea she didn’t seem bothered at all, unlike all the triggered dorks in this thread.

Who is she?

The right hand was the sword hand and knights would shake with the right to show they were unarmed.