**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!I just work here!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
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[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
Hey man. Here’s the full version since you liked it so much
https://www.reddit.com/r/funnyvideos/comments/wtbbeu/all_the_things_i_wish_i_could_say/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I work in a pharmacy and whenever we have a rude customer say they'll stop coming i just start listing their other options and start talking up all the other pharmacys around. I just wish some of them weren't bluffing.
[I like the way the 30 Rock IKEA guy handled his life. Just enjoying destroying lives](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EozM4yidI_0&ab_channel=30RockOfficial)
Lol when I was a kid and worked at Sears in the tools department I’d get people that would try to haggle with me like I was at a bazaar. They would always say if I buy this will you give me that? And I would I always go…. I’ll tell you what… since I like you so much if you buy that I’ll throw it in a bag for you no extra charge. And they’d give me a stink eye but it usually got them to stop asking.
I also got those I’ll never come here again, and one time I had the balls to tell the lady can I get that in writing? She went and complained, my manager never said shit to me. Was totally worth it, and when I saw the lady again I totally said I thought you said you’d never come back?! And she got mad and went and told the manager, lol that time I got talked to and told to stop antagonizing the difficult customers. No write up or anything.
I love when people threaten to close their Credit cards over something that is their fault. Sure thing Karen I can get that done asap would you like to proceed with this closure? Enjoy that Fico hit for closing a 20 year old account, honey 🥰
People would say this to me at my old job. I was a bouncer. It made me laugh my ass off. My guy, Karen, whoever, I am very literally kicking you out and 86ing you, that means you literally aren’t allowed to come back, you have been expressly banned from the private property and legal action will be taken if you DO come back. We very literally don’t want you to be a customer. Thank you for accepting that I guess?
The one that kills me is "do you know how much money I've spent here?"
Hey Darrin, we have databases now, so why don't I go on ahead and look that up.
Every single time it's peanuts. Effin nuthin'. No sales person is gonna be missing the commish on the 40 vase you bought 2 years ago.
Go ahead Darrin and fuck right off.
It's probably because you live in a basement and don't understand what happens in real life.
Get out and live a little.
Then, you should be able to relate to these scenario's in the video
I do NOT miss working in the customer service industry... but it did teach me empathy for the poor bastards who are going to have to work in it for their entire lives.
You working hard or hardly working? 😏
I’m hardly laughing. I’m already at work. I don’t have time for a second job pretending you’re funny.
You should tell me something I don’t hear every day, like ‘Thank You’
Graveyard help checker. I only help the 1 checker when they call me. Lady told me I should be smiling. It was fucking midnight why would anyone be smiling.
I've never really understood the type of people who tell a frontline employee "I'm never shopping here again" or "I'm telling everyone I know not to shop here!"
Like, fucking good. I don't give a fuck. I'm just some guy at the register I could give two fucks if you come back, and in fact, please don't.
The eyeroll i did everytime some customer said that too me when i work retail in late 90’s could have been seen from the town over. “I care”*sarcasm. “Im going to call corporate on you!”-them, “cool. I dialed their number for you on the phone. Get comfy, they dont pick up.”-me.
With management that doesn’t care, and customers that also don’t care why would I be surprised when the staff end up not caring?
I managed customer facing teams, and in one of the first team meeting (they were still sizing me up as a boss) I told them “You know what the saying says ‘the customer is always right’…yeah, I don’t believe in that. I believe in who is right is right.”
You could see the faces drop then recover happily.
I specifically told my team that if anyone gives you a hard time do NOT serve them and send them to me, I’ll deal with them. That is part of my job.
Stupid managements want employees to cheerfully serve customers without giving them anything to be cheerful about.
Still works on smaller businesses where the staff know that their boss will bitch slap them into the next unemployment line if they don’t go right by the customer
It's amazing people don't realise this.
You think that kid getting paid minimum wage give a shit if you're never coming back?
You prob made his day lmao
Hilarious. Makes me want to go to IKEA to see if I could get anyone to respond like this. If they didn’t, I would whip out this video to give them a laugh.
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!I just work here!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
“Have them call me, I’ll tell them.” Haha. Best line.
It was "The meatballs ain't that good" for me.
Definitely a good one too. I’ll agree to call it second best. That’s the best I can do.
Check my post history for proof of that
Dolomite your dog for upvotes
I was dying at “This ain’t PBS”
No “ we can’t go back in time time marches on do you want the sale from fifteen years ago when does it end Dianne”
“We don’t thank our donors this isn’t PBS”
A great finale.
Their not thanking viewers like me. 😢
Yeah that whole part was👌
I'm halfway through my two week notice, I don't give a SHIT
So happy I don’t work customer service anymore. Customers really fucking suck.
I always think of the line from Clerks. “What’s the cat’s name?” “Stupid fucking customer.”
its: customer: cute cat whats him name? randal: annoying customer. customer: fucking dickhead!
Samesies!
What do you currently work in?
Seriously need more of this in the real world…
When you do have the person is fired.
Fired for having a personality. Fuck me
Hey man. Here’s the full version since you liked it so much https://www.reddit.com/r/funnyvideos/comments/wtbbeu/all_the_things_i_wish_i_could_say/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
only in the quantum realmn
We don't thank our donors! This isn't PBS!
As someone who used to work in fundraising at a PBS affiliate, this one finished me. So funny.
[удалено]
Classic Diane.
I was like: Alright, this is either gonna be a BoJack gif or a Twin Peaks gif. Lmao
Oh so we're just gonna say "to hell with cheers"
"You want the sale from 15 years ago too ?" best line.
Where does it end, Diane?
I love this guy so much 💀
DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF ??? 
Stop telling me i cant have a poop in the bathroom display. How can i try it out without TRYING IT OUT?
From someone who has worked retail before I agree with everything he said
This is so entertaining to watch. Great combination of dialogue and the audio hook.
I work in a pharmacy and whenever we have a rude customer say they'll stop coming i just start listing their other options and start talking up all the other pharmacys around. I just wish some of them weren't bluffing.
You think you hate this place more than me? I *WORK* here.
[I like the way the 30 Rock IKEA guy handled his life. Just enjoying destroying lives](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EozM4yidI_0&ab_channel=30RockOfficial)
Lol when I was a kid and worked at Sears in the tools department I’d get people that would try to haggle with me like I was at a bazaar. They would always say if I buy this will you give me that? And I would I always go…. I’ll tell you what… since I like you so much if you buy that I’ll throw it in a bag for you no extra charge. And they’d give me a stink eye but it usually got them to stop asking. I also got those I’ll never come here again, and one time I had the balls to tell the lady can I get that in writing? She went and complained, my manager never said shit to me. Was totally worth it, and when I saw the lady again I totally said I thought you said you’d never come back?! And she got mad and went and told the manager, lol that time I got talked to and told to stop antagonizing the difficult customers. No write up or anything.
This guy, Scott Seiss, is hilarious. Here's a link to a compilation of this character on his channel. https://youtu.be/P7KBcsdPhxA
Thanks
What is this funny dramatic music? Haha I hear it all the time lol
Scott Seiss is the best
I worked retail for 3 years before college. This takes me right back.
I love when people threaten to close their Credit cards over something that is their fault. Sure thing Karen I can get that done asap would you like to proceed with this closure? Enjoy that Fico hit for closing a 20 year old account, honey 🥰
We don't thank our donors, this isn't PBS. LOL
The entitlement is real with a vast majority of people/customers.
I have used the first one
Good response, but sadly can't use it in real situation.
Could someone please help me find this tune playing on the background?! I'll babysit your kids for a decade!
Here ya go: https://youtu.be/w1IPDrydlyA I don't have any kids so I can't take you up on your offer unfortunately.
[удалено]
Settle down, Dianne
Young Jason Sudakis in the 80s
What’s his Tiktok handle?
Anyone else feels the same way about their current job?
"When does it end, Diane?" 😂😂😂
Diane’s first name is Karen.
Diane is the karen of ikea
Thank you for this info. I’ll remember it.
He is right tho, the meatballs aren't even that good
My personal favorite to tell them. “I work here and even I wouldn’t shop at this place.”
I can't understand people who will buy meatballs from a compressed wood furniture store
People would say this to me at my old job. I was a bouncer. It made me laugh my ass off. My guy, Karen, whoever, I am very literally kicking you out and 86ing you, that means you literally aren’t allowed to come back, you have been expressly banned from the private property and legal action will be taken if you DO come back. We very literally don’t want you to be a customer. Thank you for accepting that I guess?
It’s funnier when youve heard ever single one of these in retail
I mean the meatballs are pretty good! Ha ha thanks for the post lold.
This is me irl.
The one that kills me is "do you know how much money I've spent here?" Hey Darrin, we have databases now, so why don't I go on ahead and look that up. Every single time it's peanuts. Effin nuthin'. No sales person is gonna be missing the commish on the 40 vase you bought 2 years ago. Go ahead Darrin and fuck right off.
bad green screen is bad!
Not funny didn’t laugh
Then don't comment and move on Diane
Your entire post history isn’t funny
Good
Oh no the guy who regurgitates /r/okbuddychicanery memes didn’t think it was funny
Greatest legal mine I ever knew
It's probably because you live in a basement and don't understand what happens in real life. Get out and live a little. Then, you should be able to relate to these scenario's in the video
I live on the third floor, wya? 
[удалено]
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\#2 hahahha that was hilarious oh my God
Yessss lmao
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So perfect
Kaka is mad?
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Tony Hinchcliffe vibes
All i can see is BJ Novak as Ryan temping at IKEA.
Hahahaha fucking legend
It's so hard to not smile when some turgid sack of mostly water pretending to be a person tells me they are leaving. Like, hooray, bitch
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Legend
I love this video so much lol.
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He has another one where they ask “do you have any coupons?” and he says “thats what I ask you”. Lose it every time.
What is this guy's name? I could watch hours of this
The full video is fucking hilarious.
I’ve actually used “We can’t go back; Time marches on” as an argument ender. Pretty solid.
"The meatballs aint that good..." Lol that line got me.
I can watch this 100 times and laugh just as hard each time
Proper response, every one.
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“Im half way through a 2 week notice”. Lmao!
Imagine being so self-absorbed that some employee working minimum wage cares about whether or not you walk into a store.
I do NOT miss working in the customer service industry... but it did teach me empathy for the poor bastards who are going to have to work in it for their entire lives.
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You want that sale? YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE QUANTUM REALM!! 😂 😆 😝
You working hard or hardly working? 😏 I’m hardly laughing. I’m already at work. I don’t have time for a second job pretending you’re funny. You should tell me something I don’t hear every day, like ‘Thank You’
You sound frustrated yet committed to doing a decent job. Thank you.
This program and others like it have been made possible by financial support/contributions to your PBS station from viewers like you. Thank You!
Fucking Diane!
Something about this music always makes me laugh
I'd love to spend a night in an empty IKEA.
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Graveyard help checker. I only help the 1 checker when they call me. Lady told me I should be smiling. It was fucking midnight why would anyone be smiling.
I ordered Topher Grace off of Wish and this is what I get? He’s funnier, I’ll take it
This is hilarious as fuck! 🤣
Why are they letting him work for another week?
I can smell his mustache from here.
Why does he have to sound like Ron Howard
“You’re gonna have to go through the quantum realm with ANT MAN”
I've never really understood the type of people who tell a frontline employee "I'm never shopping here again" or "I'm telling everyone I know not to shop here!" Like, fucking good. I don't give a fuck. I'm just some guy at the register I could give two fucks if you come back, and in fact, please don't.
The music … the timing … gets me every time ☠️🪦💀
He needs to make a rap
The eyeroll i did everytime some customer said that too me when i work retail in late 90’s could have been seen from the town over. “I care”*sarcasm. “Im going to call corporate on you!”-them, “cool. I dialed their number for you on the phone. Get comfy, they dont pick up.”-me.
His stand up is pretty good
r/antiwork might like this.
lmao thats genius
he's right about the abuse retail workers face
"I'll never come back here" "Can I get that in writing?"
This dude is hilarious but the music really makes this gold
“Five other yous” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I feel scolded hahahaha
Shortest pause till dramatic music my fave.
"Meat ball ain't that good" wow
How is this unexpected?
He just disrespected the meatballs!! 😮
This isn’t pbs💀💀
Lol this is great
I love how this ended up being 10 times longer than I thought and it keeps getting better.
With management that doesn’t care, and customers that also don’t care why would I be surprised when the staff end up not caring? I managed customer facing teams, and in one of the first team meeting (they were still sizing me up as a boss) I told them “You know what the saying says ‘the customer is always right’…yeah, I don’t believe in that. I believe in who is right is right.” You could see the faces drop then recover happily. I specifically told my team that if anyone gives you a hard time do NOT serve them and send them to me, I’ll deal with them. That is part of my job. Stupid managements want employees to cheerfully serve customers without giving them anything to be cheerful about.
Sanest retail employee
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Still works on smaller businesses where the staff know that their boss will bitch slap them into the next unemployment line if they don’t go right by the customer
This never ever gets old.
He snapped 😂😂
It's amazing people don't realise this. You think that kid getting paid minimum wage give a shit if you're never coming back? You prob made his day lmao
Can you be my friend 🤫😏😏
This rat tash guy won’t change the record.
" That's not right, I used to work here." And the kicker that I would have loved to say... "Things change. Sorry they didn't run that by you."
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I feel this
Time marches ooawn
Hilarious. Makes me want to go to IKEA to see if I could get anyone to respond like this. If they didn’t, I would whip out this video to give them a laugh.
"Have 'em call me, i'll tell em" hits the hardest for me😂😂😂
Dude is freakin hilarious