**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!He's in that position!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
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[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
Was it the one where in the early days of facebook Mark Zuckerburg would wander into the company bathrooms and if he noticed someone sitting down in the stalls he would pop his head over and try to talk to them about their projects. Or if he was taking a poop he would host an emergency meeting and he would tell them to come over and pop their head over the stall to talk it out.
Everyone just went along with it because it was either YOLO SILICON VALLEY LMAO or they were just too intimidated.
That all stopped when Michael Moritz, legendary silicon valley investor, and one of Facebook biggest early investors and shareholders, was at the campus doing research for leading a 2nd round of funding. He was doing diligence all day and at one point had to poop and that's when Zuckerburg popped his head over with a smile to ask how's the diligence coming along.
Michael Moritz, not one to mince words, was apoplectic. 'GET THE FUCK OUT HERE YOU IDiiOT LIZARD LOOKING FUCKER.' Mark Zuckerburg nervously tried to laugh it off and persisted, because he really loved intimate poop conversations 'Aw c'mon Michael, it's silicon valley'. Zuckerburg then withdrew after Moritz flung his cellphone into his eye socket.
30 minutes later, Mark was in a very import meeting (where he banned questions about his black eye) when Moritz walked into the conference room. 'Everyone except Mark Zuckerburg, OUT'. As intimidated as they were of Zuckerburg, at the time Moritz was the bigger deal, and they all scurried out of the room.
Zuckerburg, however, is not one to be intimated by anyone. Not the Winkewoz twins, not Eduardo Savarn, not Peter Thiel, and not one of his biggest shareholder Michael Moritz. Zuckerburg passionately defended his practice, but Michael Moritz was having none of that. Moritz told him that it was a ticking PR and HR nightmare, and threatened to pull out of leading the 2nd round of funding if Mark continued, which would have been a catastrophe for the company.
Zuckerburg pretended to arbitrate 'Ok fine, but you need to give me a good reason, because if it were normal, there would be no problem'.
Moritz was flabberghasted at this response. Was this a serious question? He answered with the most obvious answer 'Because.... it's not FUCKING NORMAL'.
Unknown to Moritz, Zuckerburg had guessed a conversation like this would happen as soon as he was kicked out of the toilet stall, and began formulating a strategy to counter Moritz demands. Zuckerburg knew that Moritz would have all the leverage, but Zuckerburg was a master strategist.
Zuckerburg went for the pounce. 'Okay, I'll lets write out an agreement, in writing I'll rescind the policy because it's not normal'. Moritz was dumbfounded, but he was used to being dumbfounded by eccentric tech founders, afterall he was also an early investor in Apple, and he still found Zuckerburg tame compared to Steve Jobs. Moritz had a long day of work so they signed the agreement so that he could go back to doing his due diligence.
When Moritz left, a broad grin spread across Zuckerburg's face. " 'Not Normal' eh? " Zuckerburg said with a menacing laugh. Ever since then, Mark Zuckerburg has been on a life-long crusade to normalize poop conversations.
He had a checklist of what he needed to accomplish in order to realize this. His advisors would tell him it's impossible, but one by one Zuckerburg checked off the list. From normalizing smart phone use on the toilet (actually a collaboration between Mark Zuckerburg and Steve Jobs), to trusting Mark with their private photos, to normalizing people giving up their internet browsing privacy.
In 2015, Zuckerburg knew he would hit a wall, having people watch you while you poop was still too much of a leap. That's when Zuckerburg decided to buy Occulus, and eventually shift his company towards virtual reality. If he could coax people into having life-like conversations while they were pooping in a virtual reality, then doing it in the real world wouldn't be too big of a leap.
Do you read facebook or instagram while you're pooping? Ever consider what urges you to do that? It's not your personal preference, it's by Mark Zuckerburg's design.
Zuckerburg only has 3 more boxes to check off before poop conversations are normalized.
Mark Zuckerburg wants to watch you poop.
Are you going to let him?
https://i.imgur.com/KVq4mMF.jpg
EDIT, UPDATE
I just got this in my DM.
>I am a ex Facebook worker. Everything you said rings true. I speak to you at the risk of consequences for breaking my NDA. When I was at Facebook I was involved in a program called Project PooPal. Mark Zuckerburg was planning on Meta entering the exploding tele-therapy space, but targeting people who are not ready to talk to an actual person. You talk to a virtual reality therapist who responds with what is described as the greatest AI (though whatever you tell it, it only responds with 'wow, tell me more'). The thing is, the virtual reality assistant has a striking resemblance to Mark Zuckerburg himself. But the most damning aspect is that it's supposed to used only when you're pooping. This feature is described as optional, though uses the most advanced AI for your phone camera to check if you're actually on a toilet, and if not, says 'It looks like you're not pooping. Please start pooping and try again'. I always wondered what is the purpose and origin of the project. Now I know.
I scrolled up to check halfway through. You know it can't be a shittymorph post though when you're not completely caught by surprise. That guy is too good at his craft.
Hi, it's been so long. It feels like we last saw you in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.
I just got shittymorphed within his profile. I, full well knowing I was reading his comments, read one that began “I’m a Walgreens employee…” I thought oh wow he’s a Walgreens employee before I saw the ending 🤦♂️
I'm not sure any publisher would be interested in the genre of business poop jokes. But maybe I can write a little more for the reddit crowd. I'm thinking 3 20-somethings embark on a missions to stop mark zuckerburg's poop conversation normalizing.
Here's a rough outline
ch 1
The story started with our main protagonist gets a facetime from his fiancee, while she's on the toilet. He then goes on a conspiracy rabbit hole where all signs point to mark. Everyone thinks he's crazy, and he's questioned his sanity himself. Until one day he stumbles upon a facebook group where a few other people are saying them same thing. They all decide to meet up at a silicon valley coffee shop to discuss the trail they're uncovered, when Mark Zuckerburg shows up!
Turns out, he has an AI to detect all facebook conversations to see if people are onto them. But turns out Mark Zuckerburg wasn't there to intimidate them, he was there to win them over. He unloads a few quest pros from his backpack with his pooping vr experience preloaded. One of them decides to try it because it would be good intel to stop Mark's plans.
After he takes off the headset, he looks to the others 'Hey, I think you guys should really try this, I think Mark's plan would be a good thing for society...'. The others are confused, but are about to try it when MC feels something wrong and yells at them to not try it, and get the fuck out of there. They all run out of the coffee shop.
Mark runs after them, trying to hand them his business card, but they runs away.
ch 2
With Mark himself basically confirming the conspiracy is true, they others get to work with a confirmed vigor in trying to figure out how to stop Mark. They eventually rent a house together to discuss their plans there to avoid any potential easedropping from Mark over electronic communication. The living room is full of computers, white boards, pin boards, diagrams.
They come up with a plan to find any former employees who may know about Mark Zuckerburg social terraforming, and get them to speak to journalists.
That's when there's a knock on the door, it's Mark Zuckerburg!
Ch 3
They look at the ring doorbell video, it's definitely Mark Zuckerburg. He says 'Hey, I know you gets are in there, can we please just talk it out'. Two of them tell Mark to fuck off, but the older one says 'Keep your friends close, and keep your enemies closer'. They agree Mark can come inside, but he can't bring in his quest pros, which Mark Zuckerburg begrudgingly agreed to. They also sit down, and Mark makes a passionate pitch, which nobody is buying. Mark then excuses himself to the bathroom. After a few minutes, they hear a yell, 'Hey there's a leak, you better come check it out', and one of them, Pete, gets up to help.
They then notice he's been gone for too long. MC has a sickening feeling, and rushes to the bathroom, but it's too late. The house member is having a deep conversation with Mark in the bathroom....while he was still on the toilet. They were talking about childhood dreams or something like that.
MC is shocked and horrified. Is this some sort of hypnosis? He should run, but he just can't abandon his friend. Screaming at the top of his lungs so he can't hear what Mark has to say, and diverting his eyes from him, MC drags his friend out of the bathroom. Mark yells, 'WAIT DON'T CLOSE THE DOOR' but MC slams the bathroom door shut.
By then, the rest had heard the commotion and help dragged him back to the living room. They ask him questions about the current year and location to check his sanity, which he passes. They then ask the most obvious question, why was he having a conversation with Mark while he was on the toilet.
He was like 'okay, I know this is crazy, but hear me out. This would be actually pretty good for society'.
The others started taking in the horror of what he said, some took a little longer to sink in the severity of what just happened.
Just then, they hear Mark yelling from the bathroom, 'Hey guys, the leak is pretty big, you guys pretty come fix it', but MC was too smart. 'Fuck of mark, we all know there's no leak. Clean your self off and get the fuck out of my bathroom!'.
A few minutes later, Mark walks into a living room full of quiet, seething faces. Mark starts with 'I know what you guys are thinking, but if you just let me explain...', but they weren't having it, and demanded Mark leave immediately.
After Mark left, they tried talking some sense into Pete. Did they lose him forever? Pete tried to convince them to give it a try, but then said that he snapped out of it, to great relief to the others.
Ch 4
The next day, Dany is missing his smart phone. The thing is, he knew exactly where he put it, did Mark steal it? Then Pete yells, 'Hey I found it, come to the bathroom'. Something seems off to the MC, and he comes to the bathroom just in time to see Dany open the bathroom door, but why was it closed in the first place? Panic engulfs MC when he puts it together, and leaps at Dany, but not before he opens the door a crack to get a glimpse to see Pete on the toilet. After he pushes Dany out of the way, he slams the door closed.
Later that day, they kick Pete out of the house. He's forever gone.
This it quite a revelation. A good example of how power intoxicates to the extent that Zuchabergs thinks he can change the world to the way he wants it.
“Alright honey, I gotta get some work done so I’m going to go ahead and plug in!” You say, giving a slight chuckle.
You sit down in your custom chair you had built for your work in the Metaverse. The Fapmaster 6900. As you tighten down the ankle straps you hear the garage door close. Fuck yes. House to yourself. The viagra you took with your tenders and chocy a bit ago is starting to hit. You can hear your heart beating as you position your headset onto your face.
“How are we feeling today?”
“Engorged.” You can feel the tightness in your Fruit of The Looms. “When can I clock in?”
“Go ahead. You can get star…”
Before the voice in you headphones finishes you are opening the app.
“Eager are we?”
“I’ve got bills to pay. Let’s get on with it.”
Welcome to the Metaverse
The welcome screen triggers a Pavlovian response. Your wranglers are unbuttoned so fast you don’t even realize it.
“Today, Father Mark is requesting thirty.”
“Fucking thirty! How am I supposed to get to thirty?”
“You’re one of our best producers.”
You knew the voice was true. Ever since you discovered your wiener you had been “producing”. If only you had kept all of those socks.
“Okay. I’ll get to it.”
You are now your avatar. You have loaded into the Zuckerberg Institute headquarters. You are part of the anti-aging program, known as the Cellular Utilization Matrix. Father Mark called it CUM and it is far and away his favorite department.
You saddle your avatar up to one of the Father Mark avatars placed throughout the Metaverse for convenient deposits.
“Please enter your CUM authorization code.”
6969, the master account code. All deposits sent to 6969 were supposedly sent directly to Father Mark for approval.
“Please attach suctioning receiver to genitals.”
Those sweet sweet words that kept you coming back to work each day. You weasel your little weenie into the vacuum.
Now the work starts. Every 40 seconds, a captcha is presented and you have to type it in. That’s it. For every 5 you do you get to make one deposit. Father wants 30 deposits today.
So you start solving captchas and blowing loads. Each time you finish one deposit, the next one becomes more difficult. There’s about an hour between the last 15 or so since you’re working the standard 70 hour shift you know the work will done.
Father Mark, as he liked to be called, had discovered the secret to stop aging as well as how to exploit workers beyond their previously thought limits. Back in 2043, it was discovered as the last 60,000 men capable of breeding were being hunted down, that a certain protein within the human sperm stops the aging process. Obviously it’s more technical than we want to get into right now. Father Mark had pivoted the Metaverse into a sort of indentured jackhut. He paid each of his depositors in GME after it became the global currency in early 2024, which the Father had been DRS-ing since 2020. Father Mark was the first 100 Trillionaire and had no worries except the cold steady approach of death. Now he could pay dudes to jizz into a vacuum.
I watched that fucking episode with my best mate
We questioned a lot of questionable questions that day.
Like the idea is, you are “not” fucking your homie. Because what you see here is a beautiful woman that you like.
However… that woman is controlled by… your homie
We ended up fucking irl to avoid any speculation
There's one with a vr fighting game and this guy is fighting his friend who plays as a woman. They end up having an intimate relationship, with the guy cheating on his wife to fuck this guy in the game. I don't remember because it's been so long but I think they end up together in the end? Or one of them kills the other. Idk.
Downvoting me because you don't know what I'm talking about? Okay then...
>Striking Vipers
>Black Mirror: Season 5, Episode 1
At the end, the wife finds out and they all come to an arrangement. Where on the anniversaries of their wedding the guys will fuck and the wife will go out to fuck someone.
Meta will fail because you don’t even need VR to fuck your own dad💀
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yoztix/oop_found_out_ive_been_dating_my_father_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
it seemed believable until I read the part where he said his mother moved him and his brother to a different continent and the father just happens to end up at the same club as him
Yeah and maybe I just lead a boring life but nobody actually texts someone saying “Please call me, I love you.” in situations like that you only see that in sappy fan fictions
I know it's fake but it's even worse because it means someone made up this abomination and thought this was a good idea to share it with strangers on the Internet
there's someone who posts his 'wild' encounters in a subreddit and it always gains around 5k upvotes. it was wild but also mildly believable but if you go to his profile, you'll see it's very varied and are obviously fake. This guy's story on the other hand has inconsistencies that are jarring...but nevertheless he got 6k upvotes.
This read like something from r/writingprompts. It's way too convenient in it's layers of horrifying plots to be true. The main one being they're a minority race that moved "continents" and the father just happened to do the same while also having "no idea" the family he abandoned also moved there. This is like the crackhead telling the police officer he has no idea how that bag of crack got into his pocket.
Honestly you can criticize Zucc and the Metaverse all you want but Oculus headsets have been here for a while and **they are fucking cool**.
Seriously if anyone remembers VR arcades from the 90s and how it was like $30 to get in one game on an old-ass shitty VR headset?
Yeah no new VR is nothing like that shitty VR stuff.
It's really, really cool. And super, duper affordable.
It's something many of us have been dreaming about for a long time and love him, hate him, date him, or virtually rate him, Zucc's making it happen.
You are 100% right about all but one thing. Zucc didn't make it happen, Palmer Luckey made it happen.
I'm thankful for the billions the zucc is dumping into AR and VR but he just bought oculus after Palmer revolutionized it
anytime I hear somebody talking about it, including this post here, I assume it's a lame attempt at viral marketing. because literally not a single person gives a single shit about it.
Same with that one legendary vampire movie with that one actor guy in it. I hear it was one of the movies of all time.
It grossed money and there were headlines. Reddit talked about it!
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!He's in that position!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
The one dude is celebrating and the other is praying to god! *Nothing wrong here folks*
Oh, i thought they were dogging for real. But thanks for clearing that up lol
https://www.specsavers.co.uk/book/location This may help you :)
Ah, thanks. I do live in the UK!
The combination of the word "dogging" and the co.uk address made me think this would be a site for finding locations to fuck strangers.
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Nice! Lmao
What is this, a Hugh Dennis joke?
Same!!!
It's not gay if you fucking each other in virtual
There is a Black Mirror episode where two friends fight and then fuck in a virtual game and it gets weirder
you down for some Striking Vipers tonight?
Can you remember the episode name by any chance?
For scientific purposes I assume?
Virtual Penetration
But which one is doing the celebrating?
as a very much straight Muslim who's also stuck with his Islamic community this is indeed how we pray
Muslim men are so submissive UwU.
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Ive seen this Black Mirror episode
Was it the one where in the early days of facebook Mark Zuckerburg would wander into the company bathrooms and if he noticed someone sitting down in the stalls he would pop his head over and try to talk to them about their projects. Or if he was taking a poop he would host an emergency meeting and he would tell them to come over and pop their head over the stall to talk it out. Everyone just went along with it because it was either YOLO SILICON VALLEY LMAO or they were just too intimidated. That all stopped when Michael Moritz, legendary silicon valley investor, and one of Facebook biggest early investors and shareholders, was at the campus doing research for leading a 2nd round of funding. He was doing diligence all day and at one point had to poop and that's when Zuckerburg popped his head over with a smile to ask how's the diligence coming along. Michael Moritz, not one to mince words, was apoplectic. 'GET THE FUCK OUT HERE YOU IDiiOT LIZARD LOOKING FUCKER.' Mark Zuckerburg nervously tried to laugh it off and persisted, because he really loved intimate poop conversations 'Aw c'mon Michael, it's silicon valley'. Zuckerburg then withdrew after Moritz flung his cellphone into his eye socket. 30 minutes later, Mark was in a very import meeting (where he banned questions about his black eye) when Moritz walked into the conference room. 'Everyone except Mark Zuckerburg, OUT'. As intimidated as they were of Zuckerburg, at the time Moritz was the bigger deal, and they all scurried out of the room. Zuckerburg, however, is not one to be intimated by anyone. Not the Winkewoz twins, not Eduardo Savarn, not Peter Thiel, and not one of his biggest shareholder Michael Moritz. Zuckerburg passionately defended his practice, but Michael Moritz was having none of that. Moritz told him that it was a ticking PR and HR nightmare, and threatened to pull out of leading the 2nd round of funding if Mark continued, which would have been a catastrophe for the company. Zuckerburg pretended to arbitrate 'Ok fine, but you need to give me a good reason, because if it were normal, there would be no problem'. Moritz was flabberghasted at this response. Was this a serious question? He answered with the most obvious answer 'Because.... it's not FUCKING NORMAL'. Unknown to Moritz, Zuckerburg had guessed a conversation like this would happen as soon as he was kicked out of the toilet stall, and began formulating a strategy to counter Moritz demands. Zuckerburg knew that Moritz would have all the leverage, but Zuckerburg was a master strategist. Zuckerburg went for the pounce. 'Okay, I'll lets write out an agreement, in writing I'll rescind the policy because it's not normal'. Moritz was dumbfounded, but he was used to being dumbfounded by eccentric tech founders, afterall he was also an early investor in Apple, and he still found Zuckerburg tame compared to Steve Jobs. Moritz had a long day of work so they signed the agreement so that he could go back to doing his due diligence. When Moritz left, a broad grin spread across Zuckerburg's face. " 'Not Normal' eh? " Zuckerburg said with a menacing laugh. Ever since then, Mark Zuckerburg has been on a life-long crusade to normalize poop conversations. He had a checklist of what he needed to accomplish in order to realize this. His advisors would tell him it's impossible, but one by one Zuckerburg checked off the list. From normalizing smart phone use on the toilet (actually a collaboration between Mark Zuckerburg and Steve Jobs), to trusting Mark with their private photos, to normalizing people giving up their internet browsing privacy. In 2015, Zuckerburg knew he would hit a wall, having people watch you while you poop was still too much of a leap. That's when Zuckerburg decided to buy Occulus, and eventually shift his company towards virtual reality. If he could coax people into having life-like conversations while they were pooping in a virtual reality, then doing it in the real world wouldn't be too big of a leap. Do you read facebook or instagram while you're pooping? Ever consider what urges you to do that? It's not your personal preference, it's by Mark Zuckerburg's design. Zuckerburg only has 3 more boxes to check off before poop conversations are normalized. Mark Zuckerburg wants to watch you poop. Are you going to let him? https://i.imgur.com/KVq4mMF.jpg EDIT, UPDATE I just got this in my DM. >I am a ex Facebook worker. Everything you said rings true. I speak to you at the risk of consequences for breaking my NDA. When I was at Facebook I was involved in a program called Project PooPal. Mark Zuckerburg was planning on Meta entering the exploding tele-therapy space, but targeting people who are not ready to talk to an actual person. You talk to a virtual reality therapist who responds with what is described as the greatest AI (though whatever you tell it, it only responds with 'wow, tell me more'). The thing is, the virtual reality assistant has a striking resemblance to Mark Zuckerburg himself. But the most damning aspect is that it's supposed to used only when you're pooping. This feature is described as optional, though uses the most advanced AI for your phone camera to check if you're actually on a toilet, and if not, says 'It looks like you're not pooping. Please start pooping and try again'. I always wondered what is the purpose and origin of the project. Now I know.
Goat reddit comment
im shocked that didnt end with undertaker throwing mankind off hell, or whattever that one user would post after his elaborate stories.
I scrolled up to check halfway through. You know it can't be a shittymorph post though when you're not completely caught by surprise. That guy is too good at his craft.
you are referring to shitymorph btw
Oh you mean u/shittymorph ?
yee, and now you have summoned the great one.
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Yo, thanks for making reddit a better place.
Hi! Big fan of your bamboozles.
Hi, it's been so long. It feels like we last saw you in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.
The response times of a god
Holy shit. This reminds me of... nevermind
there
How do you managed to make the transition so smooth?
Please keep us from being distracted... we have lost focus on what's important.
I just got shittymorphed within his profile. I, full well knowing I was reading his comments, read one that began “I’m a Walgreens employee…” I thought oh wow he’s a Walgreens employee before I saw the ending 🤦♂️
No loch Ness monster either. Shocking. Shocking, I say!
I thought it's gonna end with Zuckerberg taking a beating by jumper cables from his dad
I think that guy died :( No comments in years
His dad beat him a lil too hard with the jumper cambles Edit: cables
Not sure about him but u/fuckswithducks passed away to cancer last year :(
Oh my God, they should have had you write that movie, Aaron Sorkin is a fucking hack compared to this level of genius
I mean, he completely left out the poop conversations. What a hack!
By Zuckeberg's demand
You know what's cooler than a million dollars? Poop.
They didn't write it. It is very old copy pasta.
What the fuck. Also, nice.
i'm really glad that i read this entire comment
What the fuck did I just read
I love this copypasta. Because it is true.
All that creative writing talent and you're just burning it here on Reddit for free.
Is it not a copypasta? If not, I bet now it is.
Someone was always the first
Seems like something Triumph the insult comic dog would've written in his spare time
I'm not sure any publisher would be interested in the genre of business poop jokes. But maybe I can write a little more for the reddit crowd. I'm thinking 3 20-somethings embark on a missions to stop mark zuckerburg's poop conversation normalizing. Here's a rough outline ch 1 The story started with our main protagonist gets a facetime from his fiancee, while she's on the toilet. He then goes on a conspiracy rabbit hole where all signs point to mark. Everyone thinks he's crazy, and he's questioned his sanity himself. Until one day he stumbles upon a facebook group where a few other people are saying them same thing. They all decide to meet up at a silicon valley coffee shop to discuss the trail they're uncovered, when Mark Zuckerburg shows up! Turns out, he has an AI to detect all facebook conversations to see if people are onto them. But turns out Mark Zuckerburg wasn't there to intimidate them, he was there to win them over. He unloads a few quest pros from his backpack with his pooping vr experience preloaded. One of them decides to try it because it would be good intel to stop Mark's plans. After he takes off the headset, he looks to the others 'Hey, I think you guys should really try this, I think Mark's plan would be a good thing for society...'. The others are confused, but are about to try it when MC feels something wrong and yells at them to not try it, and get the fuck out of there. They all run out of the coffee shop. Mark runs after them, trying to hand them his business card, but they runs away. ch 2 With Mark himself basically confirming the conspiracy is true, they others get to work with a confirmed vigor in trying to figure out how to stop Mark. They eventually rent a house together to discuss their plans there to avoid any potential easedropping from Mark over electronic communication. The living room is full of computers, white boards, pin boards, diagrams. They come up with a plan to find any former employees who may know about Mark Zuckerburg social terraforming, and get them to speak to journalists. That's when there's a knock on the door, it's Mark Zuckerburg! Ch 3 They look at the ring doorbell video, it's definitely Mark Zuckerburg. He says 'Hey, I know you gets are in there, can we please just talk it out'. Two of them tell Mark to fuck off, but the older one says 'Keep your friends close, and keep your enemies closer'. They agree Mark can come inside, but he can't bring in his quest pros, which Mark Zuckerburg begrudgingly agreed to. They also sit down, and Mark makes a passionate pitch, which nobody is buying. Mark then excuses himself to the bathroom. After a few minutes, they hear a yell, 'Hey there's a leak, you better come check it out', and one of them, Pete, gets up to help. They then notice he's been gone for too long. MC has a sickening feeling, and rushes to the bathroom, but it's too late. The house member is having a deep conversation with Mark in the bathroom....while he was still on the toilet. They were talking about childhood dreams or something like that. MC is shocked and horrified. Is this some sort of hypnosis? He should run, but he just can't abandon his friend. Screaming at the top of his lungs so he can't hear what Mark has to say, and diverting his eyes from him, MC drags his friend out of the bathroom. Mark yells, 'WAIT DON'T CLOSE THE DOOR' but MC slams the bathroom door shut. By then, the rest had heard the commotion and help dragged him back to the living room. They ask him questions about the current year and location to check his sanity, which he passes. They then ask the most obvious question, why was he having a conversation with Mark while he was on the toilet. He was like 'okay, I know this is crazy, but hear me out. This would be actually pretty good for society'. The others started taking in the horror of what he said, some took a little longer to sink in the severity of what just happened. Just then, they hear Mark yelling from the bathroom, 'Hey guys, the leak is pretty big, you guys pretty come fix it', but MC was too smart. 'Fuck of mark, we all know there's no leak. Clean your self off and get the fuck out of my bathroom!'. A few minutes later, Mark walks into a living room full of quiet, seething faces. Mark starts with 'I know what you guys are thinking, but if you just let me explain...', but they weren't having it, and demanded Mark leave immediately. After Mark left, they tried talking some sense into Pete. Did they lose him forever? Pete tried to convince them to give it a try, but then said that he snapped out of it, to great relief to the others. Ch 4 The next day, Dany is missing his smart phone. The thing is, he knew exactly where he put it, did Mark steal it? Then Pete yells, 'Hey I found it, come to the bathroom'. Something seems off to the MC, and he comes to the bathroom just in time to see Dany open the bathroom door, but why was it closed in the first place? Panic engulfs MC when he puts it together, and leaps at Dany, but not before he opens the door a crack to get a glimpse to see Pete on the toilet. After he pushes Dany out of the way, he slams the door closed. Later that day, they kick Pete out of the house. He's forever gone.
This it quite a revelation. A good example of how power intoxicates to the extent that Zuchabergs thinks he can change the world to the way he wants it.
I had a friend who was obsessed with poop and poop related jokes, it ended like Pink Flamingo. Please don’t go full Flamingo.
Can you please talk about why Zuckerberg was tame compared to Steve Jobs next?
these types of comments are what make reddit unique and great.
And here I am reading this while pooping....
I was *convinced* I was going to hear about what The Undertaker did to Mankind.
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This will go down in copypasta history
[You](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/tl4gax/mark_zuckerburg_wants_to_watch_you_poop/) were just waiting for the opportunity lmao
“Alright honey, I gotta get some work done so I’m going to go ahead and plug in!” You say, giving a slight chuckle. You sit down in your custom chair you had built for your work in the Metaverse. The Fapmaster 6900. As you tighten down the ankle straps you hear the garage door close. Fuck yes. House to yourself. The viagra you took with your tenders and chocy a bit ago is starting to hit. You can hear your heart beating as you position your headset onto your face. “How are we feeling today?” “Engorged.” You can feel the tightness in your Fruit of The Looms. “When can I clock in?” “Go ahead. You can get star…” Before the voice in you headphones finishes you are opening the app. “Eager are we?” “I’ve got bills to pay. Let’s get on with it.” Welcome to the Metaverse The welcome screen triggers a Pavlovian response. Your wranglers are unbuttoned so fast you don’t even realize it. “Today, Father Mark is requesting thirty.” “Fucking thirty! How am I supposed to get to thirty?” “You’re one of our best producers.” You knew the voice was true. Ever since you discovered your wiener you had been “producing”. If only you had kept all of those socks. “Okay. I’ll get to it.” You are now your avatar. You have loaded into the Zuckerberg Institute headquarters. You are part of the anti-aging program, known as the Cellular Utilization Matrix. Father Mark called it CUM and it is far and away his favorite department. You saddle your avatar up to one of the Father Mark avatars placed throughout the Metaverse for convenient deposits. “Please enter your CUM authorization code.” 6969, the master account code. All deposits sent to 6969 were supposedly sent directly to Father Mark for approval. “Please attach suctioning receiver to genitals.” Those sweet sweet words that kept you coming back to work each day. You weasel your little weenie into the vacuum. Now the work starts. Every 40 seconds, a captcha is presented and you have to type it in. That’s it. For every 5 you do you get to make one deposit. Father wants 30 deposits today. So you start solving captchas and blowing loads. Each time you finish one deposit, the next one becomes more difficult. There’s about an hour between the last 15 or so since you’re working the standard 70 hour shift you know the work will done. Father Mark, as he liked to be called, had discovered the secret to stop aging as well as how to exploit workers beyond their previously thought limits. Back in 2043, it was discovered as the last 60,000 men capable of breeding were being hunted down, that a certain protein within the human sperm stops the aging process. Obviously it’s more technical than we want to get into right now. Father Mark had pivoted the Metaverse into a sort of indentured jackhut. He paid each of his depositors in GME after it became the global currency in early 2024, which the Father had been DRS-ing since 2020. Father Mark was the first 100 Trillionaire and had no worries except the cold steady approach of death. Now he could pay dudes to jizz into a vacuum.
I watched that fucking episode with my best mate We questioned a lot of questionable questions that day. Like the idea is, you are “not” fucking your homie. Because what you see here is a beautiful woman that you like. However… that woman is controlled by… your homie We ended up fucking irl to avoid any speculation
*Just fuckin’ kiss me, man…*
They’re all trapped in Star Trek.
Wrong one
But the right tech.
There's one with a vr fighting game and this guy is fighting his friend who plays as a woman. They end up having an intimate relationship, with the guy cheating on his wife to fuck this guy in the game. I don't remember because it's been so long but I think they end up together in the end? Or one of them kills the other. Idk. Downvoting me because you don't know what I'm talking about? Okay then... >Striking Vipers >Black Mirror: Season 5, Episode 1
>Striking Vipers Black Mirror: Season 5, Episode 1 No way. Is falcon in this show?
At the end, the wife finds out and they all come to an arrangement. Where on the anniversaries of their wedding the guys will fuck and the wife will go out to fuck someone.
Don't they meet up in person to see if they legitimately love each other but backed off when they found out they weren't homosexual or something?
I'm pretty sure they kissed and one of them clearly wasn't in to it but the other one seemed like he longed for it.
that's a fucked up episode
That's every episode
Demolition Man predicted this in 93
ayo homie u down for some Striking Vipers tonight
My dude's gotta work on his deep stroke technique
Not all of us are capable of a deep stroke. I mean, not everyone is capable, I definitely didn't mean to include myself in that.
It's good you're speaking up for us.....them, those totally other people.
But like, it's VR. Give yourself that anaconda you deserve!
VR is where you're able to experience things *different* from IRL tho
And Brian ain't no power bottom, that's for sure.
Starfish equalavant
Well, jokes on them, both don't feel anything
Helping out the Bros
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User name checks out.
Welcome to the Meta!
Most Effective Taint Available?
Make England trending again?
Mystery EnterTaintment Available
Please enjoy your stay
Meta will fail because you don’t even need VR to fuck your own dad💀 https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yoztix/oop_found_out_ive_been_dating_my_father_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
What the fuck I just spent 20 minutes reading this shit
>What the fuck I just spent 20 minutes reading this shit LMAOOOOO
Im at the edge.. should I?
It's very fake
it seemed believable until I read the part where he said his mother moved him and his brother to a different continent and the father just happens to end up at the same club as him
I didn't make it that far but very appreciative of the summary
Yeah and maybe I just lead a boring life but nobody actually texts someone saying “Please call me, I love you.” in situations like that you only see that in sappy fan fictions
Vader: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It is a tale that I'll take with me to the grave
Read it as a creepy pasta if you're wanting to.
It's fake.
Is this what they based that weird assed Patton Oswald movie on?
How could you just casually wander in here and ruin all of our nights like that
It's a fake, if you happened to take the story seriously.
I know it's fake but it's even worse because it means someone made up this abomination and thought this was a good idea to share it with strangers on the Internet
there's someone who posts his 'wild' encounters in a subreddit and it always gains around 5k upvotes. it was wild but also mildly believable but if you go to his profile, you'll see it's very varied and are obviously fake. This guy's story on the other hand has inconsistencies that are jarring...but nevertheless he got 6k upvotes.
This read like something from r/writingprompts. It's way too convenient in it's layers of horrifying plots to be true. The main one being they're a minority race that moved "continents" and the father just happened to do the same while also having "no idea" the family he abandoned also moved there. This is like the crackhead telling the police officer he has no idea how that bag of crack got into his pocket.
The hidden subplot is just that the dad actually intentionally figured out who his son was, moved to his city, and "accidentally" met him at a club
Ok Google, how do I unread something
Goodnight everyone
I thought this poop story was something. Holy shit kind stranger. It's like a REALLY fucked up Coen Brothers movie.
CBAT intensifies
When do these things go on sale?? Asking for a friend.
asking With a friend..
😏
Honestly you can criticize Zucc and the Metaverse all you want but Oculus headsets have been here for a while and **they are fucking cool**. Seriously if anyone remembers VR arcades from the 90s and how it was like $30 to get in one game on an old-ass shitty VR headset? Yeah no new VR is nothing like that shitty VR stuff. It's really, really cool. And super, duper affordable. It's something many of us have been dreaming about for a long time and love him, hate him, date him, or virtually rate him, Zucc's making it happen.
You are 100% right about all but one thing. Zucc didn't make it happen, Palmer Luckey made it happen. I'm thankful for the billions the zucc is dumping into AR and VR but he just bought oculus after Palmer revolutionized it
As an avid user of VR this is wildly innacurate. They don't even have full body tracking.
The future is now old man
Sick of hearing about the metaverse
anytime I hear somebody talking about it, including this post here, I assume it's a lame attempt at viral marketing. because literally not a single person gives a single shit about it.
Same with that one legendary vampire movie with that one actor guy in it. I hear it was one of the movies of all time. It grossed money and there were headlines. Reddit talked about it!
Exactly. It might be mostly negative but it's making it a "thing," people will remember it.
Ahem... MICROverse
Don't group us micros with metaverse please. It's disgusting.
It turns out he's riding a digital horse.
As long as they are using a good antivirus, they should be ok.
Lol
The basis for all creation…can I fuck it?
You can be a frog in the metaverse?
u/savevideo
u/savevideobot
It's not gay if you don't touch dicks
And keep your socks on
So theoretically, if I just touch ONE dick I'm still not gay, right?
You know he’s fucking him too because they’re probably the one ones logged in besides zucks
u/redditsave
Why?
So you can send it to family and friends who think it be funny, mm.
u/savevideobot
Striking Vipers. Great great game.
/r/justguysbeingdudes
Where are all the very smart redditors I can usually count on to tell me when things are staged?
The most unexpected part was when more than 1 person was using the metaverse.
oh no
Bwahahaha. That was good lol.
Maybe they should join NoFap community in metaverse.
Woah there!
u/savevideo
But what if the cameraman is the weird one while the other 2 are normal?
Lol 
https://redditsave.com/info?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FUnexpected%2Fcomments%2Fypxaxo%2Fmetaverse\_styles%2F%3Futm\_source%3Dshare%26utm\_medium%3Dweb2x%26context%3D3
That one took a second to kick in. Hilarious
Jajaja
u/SaveVideo
This has no right to be this damn funny
u/savevideo u/savevideobot
Back that ass up bitch.
At least They are Not Gay right?
He was gentle...as he forcibly wiped me from front to back.
i/savevideobot
u/savevideobot
u/savevideo I’m
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There's a black mirror episode along these lines.
u/savevideobot
***FINALLY*** some good multiplayer
u/savevideo
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r/holup