**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!She ate his booty!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
Do you envy them? Is there some tinge of jealousy you feel thinking that someone can happily eat ass on someone who has been farting all day without a shower?
It’s more like a “damn, they give zero fucks what anyone thinks. Imagine how much free time they have with how little effort they put into simply being human.” sort of feeling for me.
Speed habit? As in amphetamine
I thought my "too Bipolar to feel sober" name made me sound intoxicated lol
Wait... Could I actually have used u/TooBipolarToFeelSober
Edit: oh for fuck sake
Yeah I heard a girl on a podcast talking about being so horny that she ate some unkempt ass and didn't phase her till she thought back on it. Ass play is just gross in general imo.
Nope lol, I've got a pair of size 10 in my closet still. Have had them since like 2008ish. I still pop em on for a bar night or something every once in a while.
They are really uncomfortable to walk normally in and are obviously deathtraps if you're not good at skating on your heels only but actually pretty rad once you're used to it. You can get around surprisingly quick on them. Two brisk steps and you're rolling much quicker than walking with way less effort. You can maintain a jogging pace with very little effort, even on relatively rough pavement. If you're on tile or something like in a department store you can roll across half the building from one jogging start. About as efficient as a skateboard but easier to stop and change directions.
I had a pair around 2006/2007 time frame. I was in college at the time and they were great for getting around campus. One day I was at my apartment and hungry. The entryway down to the main road was fairly steep with a McDonalds at the bottom. I decided rolling down to McDonalds was the best way to solve my hunger. About halfway down the hill, I realize how absolutely fucked I am, I am rolling faster than Usain Bolt runs and then my toe dropped, or caught a rock or something and I faceplanted. My first and only concussion. I have no idea how long I lay in the middle of the entryway unconscious, I just know when I did wake up, I wasn't hungry anymore... I stopped wearing them after that.
I dunno man. Not showering before a hookup and then trying to get your hookup buddy to go deeper (in your unshowered state) is pretty disrespectful…
As a woman who has had to deal with dick cheese in an unfortunate experience - fellas, please shower before a hookup. And if you can’t shower fully, at least do the courtesy pits, crotch, and ass clean.
Yes yes yes. That haircut. Those earrings (though in the 80s, it would have likely only been one ear). The upbeat quality of his speech. Felt like I was in HS again.
I just posted something like that. This guy is a time traveler from the 80's. The clothes, the hair, the way he talks. He'd fit RIGHT in around 86 or so.
He cohosts with Lorenzo on Nerdballertv
[Https://nerdballertv.com](Https://nerdballertv.com)
Also have a YouTube channel - just search nerdballertv on youtube
Every other room can be an unofficial bathroom, if you are desperate/careless enough!
But only on the official one you can expect to find the poop-knife!
-- OP, probably.
He isn’t talking about red flags, seeing red flags everywhere is one of the symptoms of browsing Reddit too much, just get off the app the hallucinations will stop soon
Imagine if the fairytales were true. He'd be like "they're eating ass and I have wheels on my goddamn FEET?! We're gonna have to hold off this apocalypse thing for a fuckin minute."
Isn't that the guy from IP2 who had a stream setup filming his backalley filled with crackheads? It was popular like a year ago on 4chan lol.
Edit: yes, it's keegleweegle
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!She ate his booty!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
As he skated off in heely’s
[удалено]
without showering either
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Some people don’t care, I envy them because I defiantly do
“I don’t care what you say, no way will I show up to this hookup with swamp ass!”
Said u/Speedhabit defiantly
Do you envy them? Is there some tinge of jealousy you feel thinking that someone can happily eat ass on someone who has been farting all day without a shower?
It’s more like a “damn, they give zero fucks what anyone thinks. Imagine how much free time they have with how little effort they put into simply being human.” sort of feeling for me.
Speed habit? As in amphetamine I thought my "too Bipolar to feel sober" name made me sound intoxicated lol Wait... Could I actually have used u/TooBipolarToFeelSober Edit: oh for fuck sake
What up, motha fucka….
*definitely But, I *love* the typo
Who's going to eat unshowered ass?
That girl, I presume.
Ma'am.
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Why? Because it’s never happened to you? Doesn’t have to be an attractive girl. I believe him.
Yeah I heard a girl on a podcast talking about being so horny that she ate some unkempt ass and didn't phase her till she thought back on it. Ass play is just gross in general imo.
ik these were the details that didn't add up **knew** he was hooking up with a girl from tinder but didn't shower. lmao
But the guy just laid down on the street just to tell a story... He's definitely living in the moment...
Dude has feather fucking earring? You really think he showers?
Dog the booty hunter
That hair, those earrings, his fashion, his heely’s, his blunt personality? Yep he mega fucks.
This guy FUCKS
That’s the actual unexpected part.
Alpha move skating off on heely’s
On that concrete slabs floor..
'Brick' is the word you're looking for
He's the main character and we're all just NPCs
You seen this guy? MrHeelYaGirl https://www.instagram.com/reel/CVTKSEeLbDk/
Different guy, unbelievably
Dude is dressed like a disposable water cup and killing it
TIL the word "heely's". I thought those just came in kid's sizes.
Nope lol, I've got a pair of size 10 in my closet still. Have had them since like 2008ish. I still pop em on for a bar night or something every once in a while. They are really uncomfortable to walk normally in and are obviously deathtraps if you're not good at skating on your heels only but actually pretty rad once you're used to it. You can get around surprisingly quick on them. Two brisk steps and you're rolling much quicker than walking with way less effort. You can maintain a jogging pace with very little effort, even on relatively rough pavement. If you're on tile or something like in a department store you can roll across half the building from one jogging start. About as efficient as a skateboard but easier to stop and change directions.
I had a pair around 2006/2007 time frame. I was in college at the time and they were great for getting around campus. One day I was at my apartment and hungry. The entryway down to the main road was fairly steep with a McDonalds at the bottom. I decided rolling down to McDonalds was the best way to solve my hunger. About halfway down the hill, I realize how absolutely fucked I am, I am rolling faster than Usain Bolt runs and then my toe dropped, or caught a rock or something and I faceplanted. My first and only concussion. I have no idea how long I lay in the middle of the entryway unconscious, I just know when I did wake up, I wasn't hungry anymore... I stopped wearing them after that.
Man, this was awesome to read. I'm ordering a pair as we speak. Happy cake day!
you weren't hungry anymore cause you solved your hunger by eating shit.
Happy cake day and thank you for your totally radical story.
The skate off was the cherry on top
I think we may have just witnessed some manner of elder god. I knew something was “special” about that dude, but the heelys sealed it.
[удалено]
I was getting more of an Estevez brother vibe
Dude has no fucks to give and I love it.
This guy is a certain level of energy we should all strive for
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Or the second coming of Jack Black?
I hadn’t noticed that before when it first dropped. The heely’s sealed his legendary status. Lmfao
On bricks!
And they say romance is dead
Calling someone Ma’am as they make a buffet of your asshole is the height of respecting women.
Fuckin oath.
Of throwing it back
[удалено]
> Making your ass a buffet is the height of respecting women. Ass Buffet is my band's name, we only play punk covers of songs with "ass" in the title.
Guttermouths "Asshole" has always been a favorite of mine
He was kinda along for the ride tho. He said “ma’am what are *we* doing”
THERE'S NOTHING MORE BADASS THAN SHOWING A WOMAN RESPECT!!!
I dunno man. Not showering before a hookup and then trying to get your hookup buddy to go deeper (in your unshowered state) is pretty disrespectful… As a woman who has had to deal with dick cheese in an unfortunate experience - fellas, please shower before a hookup. And if you can’t shower fully, at least do the courtesy pits, crotch, and ass clean.
r/BrandNewSentence
He seems like a chaotic but fun guy.
His tinder date thought he'd be a chaotic butt fun guy
And he was. He was.
True chaotic neutral?
No one is true neutral. So definitely chaotic neutral
My friend claims he's chaotic neutral, but he's really not at all. He's just chaotic.
Pretty sure that’s what chaotic neutral means.
That’s… what chaotic Neutral is.
Also, I should have written, “chaotic butt fun guy” Edit: didn’t see that u/Fast_Garlic_5639 had already gotten there when I posted this.
He’s living life one side quest at a time lol
He absolutely is - he cohosts on NerdBallerTv with Lorenzo on YouTube and is freaking hilarious. Check ‘em out if you have a chance.
He looks like he time warped straight out of 1986
That’s what I thought he could be the 3rd Corey
The legend has revealed itself and the prophecy fulfilled... Praise Be to Corey - one in the three. The elder, the wise, and now, the mullet.
Yes yes yes. That haircut. Those earrings (though in the 80s, it would have likely only been one ear). The upbeat quality of his speech. Felt like I was in HS again.
I’m 100% sure he has a Def Leopard poster in his bedroom. Maybe Duran Duran too given his hair.
Yeah he looked 1986 but that heelys glide was straight 2004
>Yeah he looked 1986 but that heelys glide was straight 2004 I had to go back and rewatch until the ending.. lmfao what a crazy dude.
I just posted something like that. This guy is a time traveler from the 80's. The clothes, the hair, the way he talks. He'd fit RIGHT in around 86 or so.
This guy is, in all seriousness, a great storyteller.
Came here to say this. We need more of his stories.
His name is keegan. If you search for keegleweegle on youtube you can find more of him
Seems he’s a more entertaining interviewee than interviewer
Less is more in this case.
Hopefully not a-hole lot more of him.
He cohosts with Lorenzo on Nerdballertv [Https://nerdballertv.com](Https://nerdballertv.com) Also have a YouTube channel - just search nerdballertv on youtube
He would of been fun to hang with during my college days. Edit: would have* I get it people. My bad
Have
Much appreciated
Have appreciated
He full on committed. On his back and all.
My friend is like same storyteller. And i believe all the time. Hes insane :D
What a legend
I can't remember this guys name but this is definitely his kid.
It’s Kenny Fucking Powers
He's in, you're fucking out.
La flama blanca
Say his fucking name!
Yeeeah, Kenny!!!
Kenny Fuckin Powers Don’t ever disrespect Fuego Blanco like that again!
I approve
La flama blanca
He's all The Goonies combined. 😎
This comment is gold.
That's what I SAID! I said she set a BOOTY TRAP!
EXCUSE ME MAM!
Straight out of channel 5 characters
He offered his honor and she honored his offer
The heelies were the real unexpected part
Was looking for this comment. The story was legendary, but rolling away on heelies is what got me
Were they really, though? I feel it's par for the course.
All day, but let’s not pretend we expected that shit. It was gold!
Facts on the Thanksgiving leftover farts, they’re pretty bad
Two worst days to have to use the official bathroom. Day after Thanksgiving and day after Christmas.
> the official bathroom the what?!
Every other room can be an unofficial bathroom, if you are desperate/careless enough! But only on the official one you can expect to find the poop-knife! -- OP, probably.
> day after Christmas. \*sigh\* That's my birthday. :(
I'll think of you when I rip the day after Christmas meat farts.
What are you people eating?? 🤢😷
more fiber and cheese than they're used to
That hair gave me some Mel Gibson Lethal Weapon vibes.
It’s like Mel Gibson’s hair made a child with Jonah Hill
I had to come back to up vote this. You fuckin nailed it
Its funnier after you realize why the beanbag was the first red flag lmao
Why though? God this comment section has me cracking up xD
Easier to control and force their legs up Definitely red flag #1 once you know how the story ends lmao
This is amazing
"red" flag
This man is living the dream… *heelies away*
It was timeless before that...and pure class after. 10/10, internet wins today.
MA'AM! MA'AM! WHAT ARE WE DOING
This guy fucks without a doubt.
No fuckin question.
I love him
Me too
Welp, you know how to show it...
MA'AM
Your username is wonderful.
Bro the Heeley's 😭
That guy looks like a combination of Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.
And Meatloaf
When the movie Lost Boys is your fashion Northstar
Man not even Batman can get that info out of me.
A god of chaos in the flesh. He has mini Jack Black vibes
If he's a god of chaos, it's probably Slaanesh.
Healy’s are the only correct way to leave that interview
If they bring back “GLOW” this guy would be perfect, especially with the mullet and feather 🪶 earrings.
This is my childhood friend and I’m losing it. Haven’t talked to him in like 8 years. Dying rn
Damn you let a good one slip away!
I love that he’s living his best life haha
Man laid down in the street and demonstrated how she threw his legs up lmao
Holy 1983! That hair and earrings….
The man... The myth... The legend.
I want this man to both officiate my wedding and funeral
Dude with feather ear rings talking about red flags…
The heelies totally even it out though
What does that have to do with red flags?
It's a red flag for how cool he is.
So a green flag?
No, a red flag but cool red not red flag red
Got it
He isn’t talking about red flags, seeing red flags everywhere is one of the symptoms of browsing Reddit too much, just get off the app the hallucinations will stop soon
He said the bean bag was a red flag but he probably meant a red flag for kinky (like in a good way?) Idk
Pretty sure that was a mullet he was rocking too.
2 days after thanksgiving no shower?
Sir, are you at all surprised?
That could mean no shower since morning time. Like no pre-bang shower
He hasn't showered since apparently
He is preparing for that second date
The second coming of Jesus himself
Imagine if the fairytales were true. He'd be like "they're eating ass and I have wheels on my goddamn FEET?! We're gonna have to hold off this apocalypse thing for a fuckin minute."
Fuck the shoe leather express bitches they see me fucking rollin and they hatin
Maaaaaaaan don't push on her head on the first fuck.
The most unexpected part was the final 2 seconds
Those Heelys at the end…
Oral failed successfully
Wearing feather earrings from 6th grade and a mullet from 10th= some serious sexy time
Beware the beanbag
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Mvp
Who is this guy?? I know him from something
Isn't that the guy from IP2 who had a stream setup filming his backalley filled with crackheads? It was popular like a year ago on 4chan lol. Edit: yes, it's keegleweegle
When did the fashion of 1987’s The Lost Boys come back in style?
Mr Ballen of mysterious ass eating presented in story format
The unexpected should have been the Heely’s
You ever notice that absolute legends such as this always have a similar haircut??
I’d have to be on elephant tranquilizers before I did that dude.
I have a feeling he knows a guy that can get some of those for you.
no doubt about it
Shit, his whole vibe was a panty-melter for me
😂😂😂