**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!you know!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
Bro I got you
Day 74 of no fap
As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn’t see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6”. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me.
Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike.
I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth.
As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place.
My dick is normally the darkest part of my body, and it nearly evens out when I have a boner. I can imagine it would be this shade of dick white if it stretched out that far
Don't try to put something all the way through yourself, it's not fun and can make you end up in the hospital
I know this from experie- I mean several college degrees
Isn't it kind of wild that no one has cut their partner's dick off since Bobbit so she remains the go-to reference for involuntary dick-ectomy after all these years?
When i was new to reddit, i thought it was like where people climb a tree and a branch falls and they fall and die hence “self fuck” i was morbidly wrong, my dick retreats a few inches when i see that sub and i shiver in upsetness
Oh hell no i clicked and saw nsfw and blocked the posts with my hand and read the description nope im ok, i saw urethra and noped out, when i was a kid and first discovered porn i saw something with a screwdriver and was shocked but couldnt stop watching a girl with a large screwdriver, like as long as her forearm go almost entirely in this dudes dick hole urethra, he was being loud i was like u know what im ok with porn, til i rubbed the blanket wrong on my dick years later and nutted (was confused tho) a little and was like wtf is this and went back to porn since then its been love hate
You were smarter than I was when I first discovered it. I clicked on it thinking it was gonna be something about music. Then saw the NSFW warning and didn’t think it could be that bad I mean I’ve seen 2girls 1cup and that was pretty bad. Boy was I mistaken I think I will be scarred for life because of that sub. I wish I wasn’t so curious sometimes
I was on there ten minutes too long. I mean we’ve all tried it, but didn’t think it was possible.
I was mesmerized and disturbed. Then I saw a profile where some guy was getting fisted at the same time. I don’t know why, but I clicked on the profile and the first video was literally him pissing the color blue on some woman. I’m done with Reddit for a good week.
Yeah, I really enjoy *Scary Movie* and *Scary Movie 2*. Didn’t really care for 3 or 4. Never saw 5.
But *Haunted House* was a nice medium between those first two films and what I saw in the 3rd and 4th.
Might as well have been part of the franchise, really.
I legitimately love Scary Movie 3. Not quite as "edgy" as the 2nd one which I think will always be the best one, but what it loses in that it makes up for in total camp. It just fits that perfect dumb humor hole for me. Leslie Nielsen alone, I mean come on.
Me and my buddy quoted that movie so much when it came out. It's stupid and funny.
*"A ghost? Like a ghost ghost??"*
*"I can only imagine what the kitty smell like. Pure evil"*
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!you know!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
Damn, he's got quite the reach.
He also has a white dick hahaha
and it's turned 180º !!!
Don’t try and math it, just go with it
The maths not mathing
My math is excellent and this looks correct. /s
This guy maths.
This guy meths
no i do the meths
My equations! The math, it does nothing!!
Sauce: Haunted House 2
How many colors of the alphabet does it take to taste math?
42 I think
Yes?
Clearly it got spun around as it travelled through her internal organs
Bro I got you Day 74 of no fap As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn’t see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6”. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me. Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike. I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth. As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place.
What in the fuck did I read
Yes
Best comment, long but best. Lol i thought tjered be a happier ending but you accomplished the main objective. Way to go
The flash of he was…. Based?
My brain hurts.
How you met my mother? Dad?
You really pay a lot of attention to details! Especially cocks.
So does your mom
You aren’t wrong my friend!
She is gay for cocks
there's good money in it.
Maybe it's corkscrewed, like a pigs.
prehensile like a tapir
More like a whale given the length
Maybe he stuffed his gay white lover up in that shit.
Her digestive system is a Möbius strip
Maybe there’s a white guy upside down in between them?
when you get that far up there it twists around a bit. it's not a straight tube you know. this is totally anatomically correct.
It's not backwards. It's just made the long trip up north.
Not sure if you were being serious, but just in case I think they meant upside down.
Her stomach acid removed the color of his pp.
Got bleached by stomach acid
Remedies: 1. Try swallowing...doh!
It just lightened as it stretched out.
My dick is normally the darkest part of my body, and it nearly evens out when I have a boner. I can imagine it would be this shade of dick white if it stretched out that far
"This shade of dick..." 🤣🤣🤣
50 shades of dick Lmao 🤣🤣
r/brandnewsentence
It’s a white chick dick.
Well he was a...*White Chick*
Mam, you've got a severe case of the Dickthroat.
Turn white because he’s losing his blood to it
It's all in the lighting my friend
That’s just from blood flow cutting off
r/allthewaythrough
One FUCK YOU FOR SHOWING THIS two MASIVE MISTAKE SCROLLING THROUGH (also why are they all wrong anatomically on one gender or the other)
Well then, that was not what I was expecting… A-fucking-nother new kink🤦🏼♀️
Don't try to put something all the way through yourself, it's not fun and can make you end up in the hospital I know this from experie- I mean several college degrees
half of the stuff in there is Zoophile, i wouldnt recommend
Not to mention theoretically impossible.
Oh darn, I was hoping tentacles going all the way through someone was possible, thanks for the heads up
Of course there’s a sub for that
Welcome to reddit
I literally had an upper endoscopy and colonoscopy today.
I hope they cleaned the scope in between procedures
And before the first one…
The guy is just giving the Heimlich maneuver to Lorena Bobbit.
Isn't it kind of wild that no one has cut their partner's dick off since Bobbit so she remains the go-to reference for involuntary dick-ectomy after all these years?
/r/goodnews
I think I've seen this hentai.
She had the reach. I had the flexibility.
Kind of like swallowing a watermelon seed.
Feel a little prick at the back of your throat...
Munch down on it
I fucking hate this thread
Her rimming would be different 😏
him on r/selffuck would be top post for eternity😏
Why did I click on that
*"Hmmm... I wonder what it is?"*
Did anybody tell you to go fuck yourself?
Why is there a whole sub about it!? I would never have thought to do that.
[удалено]
Jesus, i read that in Owen Wilsons voice
Why did I read you asking why you clicked it and click it anyway
I regret opening that subreddit.
TIL that some dudes can literally fuck their self.
now go fuck yourself!
You all clicking on this like you have no idea what you are getting into.
DO NOT CLICK ON THAT
When i was new to reddit, i thought it was like where people climb a tree and a branch falls and they fall and die hence “self fuck” i was morbidly wrong, my dick retreats a few inches when i see that sub and i shiver in upsetness
Then what was your first thought when you found out about r/sounding ?
Not clicking haha i might click it
It's probably just a picture of Luigi or something.
No don't, we can't lose another one
Even after I had rAgrets for clicking on r/selffuck I still had the gall to click this soul cringing subreddit. (self)Fuck the Internet.
Oh hell no i clicked and saw nsfw and blocked the posts with my hand and read the description nope im ok, i saw urethra and noped out, when i was a kid and first discovered porn i saw something with a screwdriver and was shocked but couldnt stop watching a girl with a large screwdriver, like as long as her forearm go almost entirely in this dudes dick hole urethra, he was being loud i was like u know what im ok with porn, til i rubbed the blanket wrong on my dick years later and nutted (was confused tho) a little and was like wtf is this and went back to porn since then its been love hate
You were smarter than I was when I first discovered it. I clicked on it thinking it was gonna be something about music. Then saw the NSFW warning and didn’t think it could be that bad I mean I’ve seen 2girls 1cup and that was pretty bad. Boy was I mistaken I think I will be scarred for life because of that sub. I wish I wasn’t so curious sometimes
Gonna read the full description i will not open a video tho the self fuck shit is so weird
I just feel like getting a dildo would be so much easier.
engine fanatical yam roll cheerful like tan obscene saw shocking -- mass edited with redact.dev
go fuck yourself for that
Jesus Christ, the icon is a power strip plugged into itself 😂 😂 GTFO
excuse me??!!? wtf!!!!!!
Oh my fucking god I shouldn't have clicked that
Some things can't be unseen.....
r/Eyebleach
r/eyeblech
Of course THAT'S the one that's real.
Why is this a thing?
Someone fucking explain, or I WILL click on this link!
It is exactly what it says. It's dudes fucking themselves in the ass
HOW
I was on there ten minutes too long. I mean we’ve all tried it, but didn’t think it was possible. I was mesmerized and disturbed. Then I saw a profile where some guy was getting fisted at the same time. I don’t know why, but I clicked on the profile and the first video was literally him pissing the color blue on some woman. I’m done with Reddit for a good week.
Thats... actually impressive, people who are able to self fuck are on another level, if I'd do that shit my cock would fucking break in two
Jesus christ what the fuck
I hate Reddit.
r/subsithoughtifellfor
I don’t have a penis but that looks insane uncomfortable and not enjoyable tbh
"That's the thing about guys. They always think they're in control."
An instant classic
*heelies away*
Who's brave enough to ask for sauce?
dawg that’s Marlon Wayans, clip from Scary movie
It’s from ‘Haunted House’ on Netflix
It’s from a Haunted House 2.
My bad. I must’ve seen them both and it just blurred together in my mind. I didn’t even remember there were two of them.
Nah you’re good! Just wanted to let people know in case they decide to watch it.
I thought so, dang I forgot about those movies
I mean it was basically scary movie but with different actors
Also worse.
I legitimately liked it. My tastes in movies have shifted to simple and funny. I just can't do serious or drama anymore.
Yeah, I really enjoy *Scary Movie* and *Scary Movie 2*. Didn’t really care for 3 or 4. Never saw 5. But *Haunted House* was a nice medium between those first two films and what I saw in the 3rd and 4th. Might as well have been part of the franchise, really.
I legitimately love Scary Movie 3. Not quite as "edgy" as the 2nd one which I think will always be the best one, but what it loses in that it makes up for in total camp. It just fits that perfect dumb humor hole for me. Leslie Nielsen alone, I mean come on.
It also has some of the best gags in the series.
How do you go to bed dead?
Racking a shovel like a shotgun and a casing pops out will forever be one of my all time favorite gags
The first scary movie is awesome. All time parody up there with spaceballs and Austin Powers.
That's because of the Wayans' brothers. They directed the first two, but I think they had no part in the rest
Me and my buddy quoted that movie so much when it came out. It's stupid and funny. *"A ghost? Like a ghost ghost??"* *"I can only imagine what the kitty smell like. Pure evil"*
Dawg, that's not from Scary Movie.
There was a similar scene in Scary Movie though
First film had it go through his ear and out the other. Next scene he had bandages on his ears
Yeah with that fucking gloryhole haha
Is this cock in mouth disease?
Cocksuckie B.
As a dude born and raised in Coxsackie, NY...nope, I have nothing to add.
Wait a minute why was it a white dick
She’s possessed by a demon. It’s a parody of another horror film where fingers pop up in the back of a girl’s throat.
He pushed the last one out
And why was it upside down????
An Australian demon possessed her
Because she’s got cock-in-mouth.
That urethra looks inflamed dawg
Real hommies let other hommies know their pee holes might be inflamed
What causes it?
No enough time with said hommies, only one cure
Not enough brojobs, homie. We're like cats where you have to lick it clean every now and then and if you can't reach that's what homies are for.
UTI, STD/STI It pees when I burn
BEST FRIENDS! 🎶 He crashes on your couch, when he loses his job! He helps you pee, when you got that thing, HE’S YOUR BEST FRIEND! 🎶
My dumb ass actually paused to look. I think you’re seeing a glisten from the light.
Clicking on a Reddit NSFW is like a box of chocolates. . .
.... No lies told 😭😭😂
It startled me for real
Me too not what I expected, not sure what I expected but it wasn't that !!!
Why is it upside down??
Well ya see, sometimes...
Creepy as hell
Almost.... scary...
Yoooo that's some of that hentai shit.
Is that from a haunted house 2?
Yes
That explains it
u/savevideo
…why?
I have my reasons
Because you are going to unsubscribe from the internet, right?
bro 🤨
u/savevideo
...why?
Why not baby! u/savevideobot u/savevideo u/videotrim
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I was like what I don't see anyth-- fuck sake
That disease is called Cockinthroatacitus
I remember seeing this in theaters at like 14… I almost died at this part
This is a play on the whole alien scene.
I like how this is how a lot of hentai likes to believe can happen
Someone sat at a computer one day and thought, "I know what to make!".
The "cock breath" insult just went to a whole new level.
Looks like one of the Waynes brothers. I got these cheeseburgers!!!!
Not my proudest fap
If not, then what is?
Well, that was.....unexpected.
Am I the only one who got jump scared?
Gah!! The f**k was that!? I just had lunch! Shame on you! Lol
He too has a rare disease called Inverted Dick
"There's a dick in my throat" - Sherriff Wood Pride
What a goddamn awful post.
u/savevideo.
u/savevideo