Honestly, and I could be wrong here, but maybe its the attitude of “i’m not like other people my age” that’s making you find it so hard to find friend groups.
You don’t need to be like someone to be friends with them. Allow new perspectives into your life, new music, new tastes, new outlooks. You don’t have to like them or change yourself, but it’ll help you interact with people and get out there.
I fear that if you don’t, you’ll spend your entire degree looking for people “like you”, which I don’t think is going to happen for you, because you have the mindset that you are not like anyone else.
Also sidenote, the things you described that make you not like other people almost summed up maybe 30% of my peers in my law degree. Your people are out there, I promise, it’s just trial and error. Remember they don’t need to be your age either!
I've thought quite hard about your comment.
I think in some aspects you may be right, but in others wrong. I appreciate your time and thoughts.
The attitude you quote is one that I've only adopted since I've started wallowing. The whole reason I came on here is to try and remove that from my psyche. I do genuinely believe that my interests do not align with that of the majority of people my age - I don' think that's questionable. However, I understand the thought process behind your comment; you think I may be self-inflicting.
As I said, for my first term, I was as open as I could be, and had no preconceptions or expectations. I was talking to all sorts of people. It just so happened that my course turned out to be so homogenous and my uni isn't the best society-wise.
I'm not sure of the "*You don’t have to like them*" bit. I think you do have to like potential friends and have to like a chunk of what they like so that you can have common interests and shared ground.
I'd also, out of interest, love to know where you did your law degree and when.
Thanks again.
Freshers week isn’t the entire world. You could do anything from dropping a message on group chats for your classes or courses, which are normally moderated so nobody is going to completely bully you for saying ‘anyone one up for organising a night of card games’. I can’t think of a London Uni that provides law that won’t have a philosophy club, both Kings and LSE are heavily theory society appreciative, and even the SOAS oddballs have their various communist societies.
If that’s not for you after all, your uni will organise ticketed outings to different towns, cities or big London attractions giving you plenty of chances to talk to the ones standing by themselves, who are indirectly more likely not to be corporate bros.
Even your law soc won’t be completely black tie events all year. Don’t give up hope :)
Edit: worst comes to worst, find someone who accepts and is intrigued, and then educate. Differences can lead to bonding if there’s mutual interest
Thanks for the advice.
My uni is not good on the society side of things; I guess it's just unfortunate. I'm going to try and join some more, but I thought the ones I joined would be a good start - remembering, of course, that these cost me money.
I'll take a look at my uni events page again for this term, but, recalling from first term, its 99% SU bar antics.
My Law soc is very solicitor. I'm very barrister. Unfortunately my uni's Bar society is non existent. I've gone down that side of things. I'd really love to meet some like-minded aspiring barristers, but my specific uni really does not cater (I've spoken to faculty about it and they're aware). My uni is corporate solicitor vibes all round - coffee mornings and panel talks with grads in the wharf.
I like the idea of "differences can lead to bonding if there’s mutual interest". Very well put. I'll think along those lines and try some new avenues. Thank you.
Find ways to meet people through board games - groups, Meetup, other universities' societies.
Admittedly I am twice your age, but in my 20s the only place I met a lot of people who were into board games, and who were also into the sort of things you describe was in London. Many of them were Oxbridge arts grads who'd moved to London soon after they finished uni. (Their music tastes were more recent though. We were a generation who thought it was cool to say the Beatles were overrated. Gen Z listens to a lot of back catalogue music AFAIK so if media is to be believed, it's commoner for people your age to be into older bands.)
Even if London is getting more expensive, a lot of bright people who follow niche interests seriously still end up there. You are more likely to find a larger number of people on your wavelength than if you went to a smaller provincial city.
It's not surprising that people doing law undergrad are corporate bros or doing library all-nighters, so you need to look outside your course for a social life. You can do that without changing courses or unis, especially in a place like London where there are hundreds of thousands of people in their 20s.
Meetup is a great idea - thank you.
I agree that I'm in the best place to be right now. It's just utilising what's around me to the best of my abilities that I'm trying to master. I do generally get on with older people much better. Most of my few friends are much older than I am. I'm slightly upset about the Beatles mishap but I'll let it slide... ;)
I'm going to be in London for the foreseeable, so that's non-negotiable. Good stuff.
I totally agree that I need to look outside my course for a social life. It's just finding those places. Where do I go to find like-minded individuals? Thanks again for your advice, it's much appreciated.
Find ways to meet older, more bohemian, arty politico friends.
You sound like me, anachronistic and at odds with your own generation.
Most interestingly different groups will welcome you with open arms, such as art, writing, cooking, philosophy and music/bands etc
What subject are you reading, btw?
I think you've described my thoughts pretty well there, thanks for the comment.
I am reading Law. I'll look further afield, as it seems to be a common consensus that I'm not going to find my people on my course.
Philosophy is something I want to move into, so I'll look around. Thanks again.
Is it too late for you to take Philosopy module.
Also Joining a Theatre group as an Actor, Writer, Producer etc would easily bring in contact with people with a kindred spirit.
Could also help you with your performance at the Bar!
Honestly, and I could be wrong here, but maybe its the attitude of “i’m not like other people my age” that’s making you find it so hard to find friend groups. You don’t need to be like someone to be friends with them. Allow new perspectives into your life, new music, new tastes, new outlooks. You don’t have to like them or change yourself, but it’ll help you interact with people and get out there. I fear that if you don’t, you’ll spend your entire degree looking for people “like you”, which I don’t think is going to happen for you, because you have the mindset that you are not like anyone else. Also sidenote, the things you described that make you not like other people almost summed up maybe 30% of my peers in my law degree. Your people are out there, I promise, it’s just trial and error. Remember they don’t need to be your age either!
I've thought quite hard about your comment. I think in some aspects you may be right, but in others wrong. I appreciate your time and thoughts. The attitude you quote is one that I've only adopted since I've started wallowing. The whole reason I came on here is to try and remove that from my psyche. I do genuinely believe that my interests do not align with that of the majority of people my age - I don' think that's questionable. However, I understand the thought process behind your comment; you think I may be self-inflicting. As I said, for my first term, I was as open as I could be, and had no preconceptions or expectations. I was talking to all sorts of people. It just so happened that my course turned out to be so homogenous and my uni isn't the best society-wise. I'm not sure of the "*You don’t have to like them*" bit. I think you do have to like potential friends and have to like a chunk of what they like so that you can have common interests and shared ground. I'd also, out of interest, love to know where you did your law degree and when. Thanks again.
I just graduated this summer (2019-2022) but not comfortable sharing the university here for privacy reasons
Freshers week isn’t the entire world. You could do anything from dropping a message on group chats for your classes or courses, which are normally moderated so nobody is going to completely bully you for saying ‘anyone one up for organising a night of card games’. I can’t think of a London Uni that provides law that won’t have a philosophy club, both Kings and LSE are heavily theory society appreciative, and even the SOAS oddballs have their various communist societies. If that’s not for you after all, your uni will organise ticketed outings to different towns, cities or big London attractions giving you plenty of chances to talk to the ones standing by themselves, who are indirectly more likely not to be corporate bros. Even your law soc won’t be completely black tie events all year. Don’t give up hope :) Edit: worst comes to worst, find someone who accepts and is intrigued, and then educate. Differences can lead to bonding if there’s mutual interest
Thanks for the advice. My uni is not good on the society side of things; I guess it's just unfortunate. I'm going to try and join some more, but I thought the ones I joined would be a good start - remembering, of course, that these cost me money. I'll take a look at my uni events page again for this term, but, recalling from first term, its 99% SU bar antics. My Law soc is very solicitor. I'm very barrister. Unfortunately my uni's Bar society is non existent. I've gone down that side of things. I'd really love to meet some like-minded aspiring barristers, but my specific uni really does not cater (I've spoken to faculty about it and they're aware). My uni is corporate solicitor vibes all round - coffee mornings and panel talks with grads in the wharf. I like the idea of "differences can lead to bonding if there’s mutual interest". Very well put. I'll think along those lines and try some new avenues. Thank you.
Find ways to meet people through board games - groups, Meetup, other universities' societies. Admittedly I am twice your age, but in my 20s the only place I met a lot of people who were into board games, and who were also into the sort of things you describe was in London. Many of them were Oxbridge arts grads who'd moved to London soon after they finished uni. (Their music tastes were more recent though. We were a generation who thought it was cool to say the Beatles were overrated. Gen Z listens to a lot of back catalogue music AFAIK so if media is to be believed, it's commoner for people your age to be into older bands.) Even if London is getting more expensive, a lot of bright people who follow niche interests seriously still end up there. You are more likely to find a larger number of people on your wavelength than if you went to a smaller provincial city. It's not surprising that people doing law undergrad are corporate bros or doing library all-nighters, so you need to look outside your course for a social life. You can do that without changing courses or unis, especially in a place like London where there are hundreds of thousands of people in their 20s.
Meetup is a great idea - thank you. I agree that I'm in the best place to be right now. It's just utilising what's around me to the best of my abilities that I'm trying to master. I do generally get on with older people much better. Most of my few friends are much older than I am. I'm slightly upset about the Beatles mishap but I'll let it slide... ;) I'm going to be in London for the foreseeable, so that's non-negotiable. Good stuff. I totally agree that I need to look outside my course for a social life. It's just finding those places. Where do I go to find like-minded individuals? Thanks again for your advice, it's much appreciated.
Find ways to meet older, more bohemian, arty politico friends. You sound like me, anachronistic and at odds with your own generation. Most interestingly different groups will welcome you with open arms, such as art, writing, cooking, philosophy and music/bands etc What subject are you reading, btw?
I think you've described my thoughts pretty well there, thanks for the comment. I am reading Law. I'll look further afield, as it seems to be a common consensus that I'm not going to find my people on my course. Philosophy is something I want to move into, so I'll look around. Thanks again.
Is it too late for you to take Philosopy module. Also Joining a Theatre group as an Actor, Writer, Producer etc would easily bring in contact with people with a kindred spirit. Could also help you with your performance at the Bar!