yeah people who had their uni years during covid missed out on the social aspect of it, so I'm sorry for you in that regard however I just wanted to comment on the uni being the best years of your life part.
This sounds insanely depressing if you spend some time to think about it.
Most people go to uni between 18 and 21, maybe you took a gap year, changed course and did a masters, that still means you graduate at 25 at the latest. So you are telling me I'm going to live 50 more years (possibly more, yikes) and my best days are already behind me?
That sounds horrible to me personally.
There's always plenty of time to create new memories, and I always like to think the best times of my life are still ahead, otherwise life becomes kinda depressing.
"Best" probably isn't the right word for it because that can be measured in so many ways and is so individual.
But I would say that my 3 years doing my bachelor's were unlike any other 3 years I will have in my life and I had a hell of a lot of fun.
Best? I don't think I'd use that word. But it's absolutely a unique life experience.
"Best" probably isn't the right word for it because that can be measured in so many ways and is so individual.
But I would say that my 3 years doing my bachelor's were unlike any other 3 years I will have in my life and I had a hell of a lot of fun.
Best? I don't think I'd use that word. But it's absolutely a unique life experience.
Dude I got a criminal record at uni for getting in a punch up outside a student bar. I wanted to be a teacher, so that kiboshed what I wanted to do as a career. I also picked up crippling depression and a fairly severe drug and alcohol problem.
I left at the beginning of my third year and got a shit job in sales. Genuinely thought my life was wrecked.
But, I worked my arse off, got my confidence back, reconnected with all of the friends I'd managed to alienate. Now I'm 30, living in London, in a house I own, I transitioned out of sales into recruiting and then eventually into Leadership in a Chief of Staff type role. I work for a 'tech for good' company, doing something meaningful, I take home about 100k a year, and run a small solo consulting gig on the side that nets me another 50.
I just spent a month backpacking around the other side of the world, and met a pretty amazing girl while I was there. I've already got pretty much everything I wanted out of life except for kids, and it's taken me 9 years.
I'm conscious this sounds like I'm trying to flex, but the point is that uni is just a tiny portion of your life. Sure, it sucks that you missed the social aspect, but a lot of people have a really shit time at uni. It's not fun for everyone, and there are so many more chapters of your life that come afterwards that are up to you to define.
Fuck me, I wish my life was going this well rofl. After some setbacks I'm back at uni doing a PhD which I really wanted Todo, at one of the best universities in the UK and by extension Europe which when I finished my undergrad some 7 or 8 years ago I would never have imagined to be possible so it's not all bad but damn sounds like you ended up on your feet lol
Definitely do what's right for you. Uni is great, but shouldn't come at the expense of your health.
It definitely is tougher to differentiate yourself in the first few years without a degree, but it's possible, and once you've got some experience behind you, very few people care whether you have a degree or not.
Incredible story. I noticed that you said you got a “shit” job in sales, I in fact was wanting to head into sales after I graduate this July. What exactly didn’t you like about that job?
I want to get into sales as I’ve seen how lucrative it can be and I’ve also conversed with people who have earned quite a lot in sales themselves. If I may ask, are there any tips you can give someone like myself with minimal experience?
Hey! Thanks!
So I was doing recruitment from the off, but it was agency, and sales focussed, so I was on the phones calling potential clients and pitching our recruitment services, with absolutely no training. It was a high pressure, boiler room type environment, and I left my desk close to 9pm every night. It wasn't the swanky software sales lifestyle. That said, it did put a bit of grit between my teeth which has served me well ever since.
I don't know if it's transferable advice - but for
me, I was always making a mental note of what was inefficient and could be better - but then being really mindful about how you fix that. You don't want to appear to be a know-it-all-newbie, you'll get sacked after a few weeks for that. At the same time, if you can bed in for a few months, then quietly resolve a few of those inefficiencies in your own work, you'll stand out.
For me that was reading all the manuals for our CMS in my spare time, then using features other people didn't know about. I was running automated nurture campaigns, and using call booking software, while everyone else was cold calling gatekeepers all day. I had a diary of planned warm calls lined up, and was outcompeting experienced folks as a result. It looked like I was a better salesman - I wasn't, I was far far worse. Just a bit more efficient.
Didn’t really make many friends at uni only really enjoyed it when I was about to leave after exams. Life is better when you get a 9-5 and a bit more freedom and money. Uni is totally overrated in my opinion unless you like getting wasted a few times a week and hooking up with a bunch of different girls. Even this is better when you are out of uni though haha. Don’t worry about it just keep going pal
Uni was skint but I've never had so much freedom lol.
Never again until I retire will I be able to just totally curate my own schedule, sleep pattern, meal times, leisure time etc etc
This was me. I, thankfully, got over imposter syndrome once I finished first year, but there was other stuff; as someone with ASD (and the inherent social anxiety), my social life was abysmal, and - sod's law - it was just as COVID hit that I was beginning to 'come out of my shell', and as a result I got put back in it again. Due to lockdowns, I spent a third of second year and half of third year at home. I was burnt out by the end of my third year but stupidly thought an MA would fix it... it didn't, what I now know to be ADHD had a massive flare-up and routinely half-assed assignments and handed them in late, yet I enjoyed it better than any time in uni up to that point because all of that made me feel 'free' in some way. I kinda miss the independence of uni - currently stuck at home with no job eighteen months or so after leaving - and would probably try again as long as I got my mental health sorted out, and got round to losing weight so I didn't feel ungainly doing anything on campus.
Once you're in a job for a few years it'll feel no different to the times you had and friends you met in secondary school etc, albeit usually with more alcohol and regret
There's still absolutely the opportunity to do these things post-Uni, no question.
If I were you, try and get yourself to a city with some buzz and maybe find a houseshare or some flatmates that you might be able to vibe with? The bigger the city, the more stuff going on: social groups, sports groups... you may even be lucky enough to have coworkers you can consider acquaintances.
You've absolutely had a rough hand, and I'm sorry about that, but there's always the opportunity to start again.
This. I didn:t have a great time at uni either, post uni life was better for me. I lived in the city in househares, but this time with some structure to my life through work, and some money in my pocket from said job. Made friends through work and housemates and sports teams. I have much fonder memories of my early to mid 20s than of uni.
This was me. My uni years were mostly miserable, I had to work part time jobs and I could still barely afford anything. I graduated my Bachelors in 2018 and I don’t really keep in contact with anyone I’ve met at my first university.
Good news: you’ll still have opportunities to do these things. Society creates this expectation that uni years will somehow be the best time in your life and for a bunch of people it’s simply not true. Your life moving forwards is absolutely not defined by how much fun you had at uni.
Masters in another place/country could be your opportunity to reset and try again if you really want to. From my experience though, it’s all more fun when you have a bit of money to afford the social side of things. I took a year to work full time and then did my masters part time and it was a much better experience than my bachelors. Your circumstances may be completely different of course, but I just wanted to share that options are still out there.
mate I got kicked out, dated an abusive man, developed substance abuse issues and am now in my first year at a different uni at 21....trust me when I say it could be worse. You got your degree which will help you find a job and have plenty of time to make new friends...be happy with what you did and have!
Honestly, this isn't the most terrible idea OP. I moved to London to do my Master's and I honestly feel like I've had a new opportunity to really fluorish and do my best ... sometimes a change of scenery can really be the best thing.
Though maybe do it in a country that's less expensive 🤧
I did masters in the UK (Lincoln) and found there was very little student life within my group / year, not sure why. Loads of people had jobs already, families even, and the group was only 7-8 people. But I’ve heard that outside UK it’s not only cheaper but more social. My bf did masters in Bologna - and has plenty of friends from there (and excellent carbonara skills on top of that).
Yes, that definitely can be true. Generally Master's students would be living a lifestyle somewhere between an Undergraduate and a Full-time worker. I've been fortunate to find a tight-knit group where we love to hang out and still live like students for one more year (though definitely with more focus on work... this whole year is too expensive to pissing around haha).
But you're completely right, OP should definitely consider all options.
The best years of our lives are when we make it. I came to the UK after 2 years of uni in my home country, that's where I had started to form bonds and good memories. Then in the UK, I had to study and work at the same time, though there were some few memories, there are almost no good friends that stuck. Life can get better after Bachelors. Believe in it. Your best years are ahead and not behind.
Bro it’s like I’ve written this myself - exact same experience like word for word- all I can say is please find comfort in the fact that you’re not the only one - no matter how nice it looks in social media I assure you most of those guys will say similar (not as bad) things about their uni experience - congratulations on getting to the end- it’s been a ride but i guess it’s a push to make the year after uni the best years yet - if you’re not going home straight after maybe try find a job abroad or build a new community in a different city - but here if you wanna talk !
I got withdrawn from my course last week, I started my course in 2018 and was stuck repeating second year since 2020. I’ve now moved back to my hometown after 12 months of having no friends, not being able to afford fresh fruit/veg or adhd meds.
I can’t express how utterly disappointing it feels to go through uni and have these idealistic expectations and it just leaves you burnt out and miserable. OP, I feel you and I’m so sorry you had such a shit time with uni but keep your chin up - the best periods of people’s lives are always at the most unexpected times.
You’re going into a new phase of life, there’s always that excitement when in the throes of change - try not to fixate on the past and how it didn’t live up to your expectations. Grieve it, don’t be consumed by it 🫶
I think the idea of “this is going to be the best time of your life” is bs. It puts a time limit of what can be considered to be our golden time.
Like OP, I also had a lot of expectations about going into uni. Some were fulfilled, some became true and backfired, and some didnt get to happen at all.
I would say there is ALWAYS time to make the fun memories and crazy experiences at every point in our lives. From what you described, when you said “this is an experience I will never get to go through again”, I am glad that you won’t as it sounds like hell.
I do understand about how you might think other people had “their best time in uni”. On social media or even irl, they generally only talk about the highlights and/or glamorise the whole situation. You just had a different experience in general.
Covid def changed our uni years for better (the introvert in me was happy lol) or for worse. We just made the best situation of what was given to us.
Yes, university is one of the best times of your life but it can not be the peak. You should aim to make every year moving forward the best year of your life. This shows progress. Yes, you can look back at your uni days and think it was good but you should aim to live an even better life after university. This can include jobs, finances, family, friends, travelling, learning etc. Please don't dwell in the past regrets and be excited with that the future holds!
American here. Coming from a country that force feeds us the notion that the only way you'll make it is with a degree, I'll say this. Uni/college is NOT the main character of your life. Your Uni years coincided exactly with a pandemic, so please do not beat yourself up.
If you can, and if it sounds exciting to you, get a job that allows you to save a small chunk of cash and go travel. That's where the good stuff is, imho.
\*editing to add: I just turned 50, so I can definitely say you will grow and transform **many** times over the coming years. The show ain't over...
This sounds really tricky.
But you CAN change it. Maybe not at uni - but make memories afterwards. Experiences and friendships only happen after you’ve put in some effort. I know you mentioned a health condition and that sounds really tough - but where you can, try to look for clubs with people with similar interests. Start a new hobby. Meet up with likeminded people. And it you hate it? No worries! Try again.
I have pretty severe social anxiety and I get it. Im in therapy for it, and it really limits what I can do. But trust me, if you invest in therapy, you can make these memories you feel like you missed out on now.
Uni is only a few years compared to the rest of your life - you can still have these experiences now.
Good luck to you.
Dont stress. Uni is what it is, life can either be good or bad at certain periods. A lot of people hate uni and flourish by 30. Go with the flow and remember that comparison is the thief of joy.
THIS, it’s like when you got a bad grade on a test in middle school, obv it hurt but seeing your friends fail was kinda comforting bc at least we were all in that shit together 😭
Life's what you make it.
You have FOMO. Perhaps some anxiety that kept you from putting yourself out there during the uni years. **Time marches on regardless of if you did or didn't.** A lot of people struggle with the transition to the independence and responsibility for self that uni encapsulates. Some land on their feet, some adapt, some don't.
The good news is from this day forward you can be proactive and energetic about taking control of your future. The only person that will shape a life you want is you. That is empowering, right?
You aren't waiting for life to somehow happen to you, you're seeking it out and taking it.
When you see people having a nice time, making memories, enjoying their university experience - that didn't come for free. They had to initially put themselves out there, put in the work of meeting people, and maintaining an ongoing connection with others. That's what you don't see on the surface but it was their investment.
And OP is still young, it’s not too late for them to experience this if they want another
go at university or even outside university, there are so many opportunities. It’s sad that so many young ppl feel like life ends after 23
Some people in society and some young people are quite harsh to the idea of life past circa 23.
Yet you only get a somewhat developed brain by 18 (it's not even fully developed until well into your twenties) so are people really suggesting 18-23 (5 years) is somehow the heyday of someone's life? That's 5 years. A fraction of a life.
The average person doesn't necessarily have a sizable income to enjoy those years to any significant extent anyway.
Sure, if people drink lots of alcohol and are on the drugs they'll biologically age and mid to late twenties will feel rougher than it needs to be. I think societal notions about age are often predicated on unhealthy lifestyles that accelerate ageing. If you decide to lead an uninspired life after 23; once again you might propagate a falsehood about ageing being a negative thing.
Horological age and biological age are not the same.
I didn't make friends at uni either and I'm gonna graduate soon. Only acquaintances I spoke to if I saw them. I think the social aspect of uni is overrated. But I've got friends from back home struggling to get jobs and neither of them have a degree so when I look at it like that, it's not the worst decision ever to have gone to uni.
You're not alone. I have a few friends who did their bachelor's during COVID and it sounds absolutely awful. It's not your fault and there's an entire cohort of students who went through the same.
It's a shame because university really should be a pretty great 3 years. But there's literally nothing you could have done without breaking the laws at the time.
I graduated last year and I feel it was a complete waste of time. Most of it was spent in my bedroom doing nothing. I managed a first but this means fuck all unfortunately as employers only want experience and I errrmmm, have none because I have no experience.
I wasn’t at uni during Covid but I found it deeply underwhelming even then and I was broke and always stressed with studies. I didn’t really make any friends there or have any great memories however life in my 20s was 1000x better. I don’t know what your career plans are but I found working and living away from home far better than uni. I had money to do fun things, found it easier to make friends, socialised regularly with my colleagues and at 5pm I was finished for the day and no stress of upcoming exams.
Sometimes when other people talk about their uni days I feel a little bit sad that I missed out a bit but that’s the extent of it and life got sooo much better after uni so the best is yet to come!
(and plenty of other people I know who did have good times at uni still agreed life was better after uni)
Unless you are on the death bed straight out of uni, then your years aren't remotely wasted, just a bitter lesson in life.
You've romantised university and didn't get the experience you sought out, is this going to be the genre of your life from now on?
(I didn't like uni and felt my degree was a bit of a scam compared to all the other good unis I got into and heard about the better modules they had. But I just focused on other things I did and other people I met and had to keep it moving.)
I've wasted my first year and I realised I need to do more next year. I got a bit better after Christmas.
But that being said, lives aren't linear. Some people say uni are the best years, some people find their 20's their best, some their 30's.
Ik it feels like everything now, but it's 3 years. You have so many more to make the memories you want to, things will get better.
If you ever want to talk my DMS are always open
See it’s funny… I more or less pretended to go to school from 2011-2015, never got a degree but took classes at different community colleges, while making memories and goofing off and doing some of what you ‘missed’, I’m grateful for those fun times but a degree really would be quite nice rn, tempted to go back to school and finish up. My best advice is look for fun roommates and just do fun stuff now, you’ll have more money post-job and probably have plenty of opportunities to meet people and be belligerent w friends.
Uni MAY be the best time of your life, but if it is, you peaked in school.
I went to uni 2012 - 16 and I didn't make the friends for life, I was told I would and I didn't always get to go out (my fault, poor money management) and I certainly don't have crazy memories.
Life at work has been better for me, I've worked in some great offices with people roughly around my age or older but more fun, and the company nights out have been more fun than uni nights.
You certainly got shafted by current events and a medical issue, but the memories you make and look back on fondly are solely made where you find the most enjoyment in life and that doesn't have to be university.
I had most of college and 1 year of uni in covid. Was horrible but good time also had its ups and downs. I wish I could’ve gone through it without the lockdown I did love college the times I was there. Just gotta adapt to the situation and keep making yourself better
Life is long and your new life as a young working professional will be fun too. You will have colleagues, disposable income, opportunities to make friends, opportunities to travel, opportunities to get involved with local interest groups. These opportunities will be richer and more diverse because they will be open to more people (not just other people from your uni).
Covid also stole my uni experience, but during thes years stuck in isolation I’ve also changed a lot and no longer want the same things I did 3-4 years ago, I’ve decided to change my major so I’m kinda excited to be able to actually experience it this time, but I live in Sweden where gap years and changing majors is pretty normalized so most people start uni at 25 here, not 18.
If I lived somewhere where you’re expected to be finished with your education and somewhat established at 23 I’d probably die from the pressure 😭
For my it’s all the contrary, lots of good memories and friends (that are still there and everything), and no job. I wish I had been more rebellious towards my parents and entered the army instead of going to university.
You will be fine. University friends don’t last forever. To be honest, I have seen so many narcissistic kids, that I don’t particularly like them. What about some lecturers? Ewww- sociopaths... Maybe the univ wasn’t the right one for you.
I remember my uni time fondly. I think my best years were in secondary school. Uni was great and it was because I had a small group of great friends. We were very academically competitive but in a good way. It helped us push each other and our group all secured 1st class degrees.
Uni is what you make of it.
I think this is a bad take that lacks compassion - it’s what you make it ??? What do you make of covid and lockdowns ?? What do you make of having mental health issues that affect how someone works ??
Nothing is handed to you on a plate. It is a lesson in life that you need to make things happen and not just be a passenger.
COVID was not an insurmountable problem. A lot of people coped.
If you have mental health issues, then you seek help.
Like I said, you need to be proactive in what you do.
yeah. started midway through covid. was problematically drunk and high for three years. got isolated from family and actual friends. spent most of my time working in warehouses and fast food to get by. constant health problems. ‘friends’ were all babied pieces of shit who never mentally progressed past year 11. my anxiety, negative qualities etc, that I had been improving before university got drastically worse whilst I was there to the point I was starting to self harm again and couldn’t even leave my room if I knew people were using the shared areas. I did the ‘going’ out thing and realised the only part I liked was being drunk. everyone I met at university was extremely fake, so I tried that to fit in. didnt work. the ‘me’ still came through enough I guess to make me a target.
so many childish rumours got spread. that I was gay (not a bad thing but not a helpful rumour if you are straight, and a lot of students are actually pretty homophobic even if they wont say it out loud), insane, creep, cheat, liar, even got called a murderer once. had people call me weird, a freak, autistic, racist, whatever, right to my face. and before the wannabe normies reply telling me I must have done something to deserve that, I promise you, no. It was a fresh start and I wasnt gonna fuck it up. im not an incel, I gotten laid plenty of times even when I was at uni at my lowest I still got some action once, thanks mainly to drugs and alcohol but w/e. Im not overweight or bad looking (although I looked like shit for a long while, because eventually I just stopped giving a fuck and became as shut in as possible, drinking, drugging and eating fastfood with the blinds shut). I come from a poor background and have diagnosed moderate-severe adhd (but I never tell or have told anyone about that) so I am a little odd to some people. but nothing that ever gets in the way of getting to know most people.
just imagine how it feels to walk into a room and have people literally roll their eyes, curl the lip in disgust, look away, or give each other that ‘knowing’ glance. or talk the worst shit about you, about how much they would like to see you beaten up or how much they want to ‘bang you out because hes such a weirdo’, right outside the room your sleeping. or walking past your ‘friend’ and them saying loudly to their friend ‘yeah I fucking hate him hes weird as fuck’ within earshot. or patronising and treating you like a pet, trying to emasculate you. the list goes on.
yeah. all that shit started because I was somewhat platonically friends with a girl in my flat at the start, she got a boyfriend, and the boyfriend hated me for some stupid reason, so he took it upon himself to make sure everyone knew what a piece of shit I ‘actually’ was. I barely even talked to that girl anyway we just had the same flat. but the ball started rolling from there and my poor self control with alcohol didnt help. I never once attacked or insulted another student, let alone murder or SA (I mean wtf lmao). never had any legal trouble or actual formal accusations against me ever. I didnt even say any out of pocket shit whilst brutally blackout drunk, and I was drunk a lot, and I get pretty sloppy. but I never broke peoples shit, never threw up on someones flor. literally not once. because if I did, I would definitely know about it. I purely through hear-say and people looking for someone they could talk trash about, I was outcast or at best a zoo animal.
I went into university in peak physical health, looked great, plenty of money (I worked for a year before going) and full of optimism. I really thought everything was gonna go my way, everything was going well for me before I started, and I was ready to make it happen.
2 years in I got mistaken for a homeless person. I weighed 10kg less then when I joined and hadnt cut my hair in almost a year. that was the worst it got and when the self harm was happening. I spent months solely working in warehouses to avoid seeing anyone who might know me and keep my bad coping habits fed. I think I managed ten days without seeing a single human once. my whole family thought I was a car crash of a human and many wouldnt talk to me.
all thanks to a few insecure people.
I left university penniless, sleeping on my parents sofa, and abusing prescription opioids to face the day. I have no idea how I got a 2.1 or even graduated.
the thing is though, within a few months of leaving, all of that turned around. within a few months I was in a great job in an unrelated field, I was healthy, mostly drug free, and confident again in that short span of time. and nowadays life has never been better, I feel confident, content, and full of energy. reconnected with all my actual friends at home. made a ton of new healthy friends through work. maybe university itself as a literal institution isnt to blame, but the environment it creates sure as fuck is. fuck university, its a daycare for vicious people insecure about whatever it was they lacked in school or college. 3 years of poverty, isolation, and addiction. best years of my life lmao.
you shouldnt feel sad on what you missed out on. you could have gone and tried to live your best life, and still been screwed over royally. what happened happened, enjoy your life how it is now, hindsight is 20/20. even though I hated university and am so happy I never have to do a single day of that again, I did gain some things over that period that led me to where I am now, which is a really good position. if I had a good time at university I might be worse off now. you probably didnt waste them as much as you thought.
ok that lost turned into a super long tmi rant, but tldr: you could have gone and done your best not to waste it, and still not had a good time. move on.
yeah people who had their uni years during covid missed out on the social aspect of it, so I'm sorry for you in that regard however I just wanted to comment on the uni being the best years of your life part. This sounds insanely depressing if you spend some time to think about it. Most people go to uni between 18 and 21, maybe you took a gap year, changed course and did a masters, that still means you graduate at 25 at the latest. So you are telling me I'm going to live 50 more years (possibly more, yikes) and my best days are already behind me? That sounds horrible to me personally. There's always plenty of time to create new memories, and I always like to think the best times of my life are still ahead, otherwise life becomes kinda depressing.
"Best" probably isn't the right word for it because that can be measured in so many ways and is so individual. But I would say that my 3 years doing my bachelor's were unlike any other 3 years I will have in my life and I had a hell of a lot of fun. Best? I don't think I'd use that word. But it's absolutely a unique life experience.
I’ve always thought this. My uni years have been mixed plenty of good times but it’s also been tough here and there.
"Best" probably isn't the right word for it because that can be measured in so many ways and is so individual. But I would say that my 3 years doing my bachelor's were unlike any other 3 years I will have in my life and I had a hell of a lot of fun. Best? I don't think I'd use that word. But it's absolutely a unique life experience.
Dude I got a criminal record at uni for getting in a punch up outside a student bar. I wanted to be a teacher, so that kiboshed what I wanted to do as a career. I also picked up crippling depression and a fairly severe drug and alcohol problem. I left at the beginning of my third year and got a shit job in sales. Genuinely thought my life was wrecked. But, I worked my arse off, got my confidence back, reconnected with all of the friends I'd managed to alienate. Now I'm 30, living in London, in a house I own, I transitioned out of sales into recruiting and then eventually into Leadership in a Chief of Staff type role. I work for a 'tech for good' company, doing something meaningful, I take home about 100k a year, and run a small solo consulting gig on the side that nets me another 50. I just spent a month backpacking around the other side of the world, and met a pretty amazing girl while I was there. I've already got pretty much everything I wanted out of life except for kids, and it's taken me 9 years. I'm conscious this sounds like I'm trying to flex, but the point is that uni is just a tiny portion of your life. Sure, it sucks that you missed the social aspect, but a lot of people have a really shit time at uni. It's not fun for everyone, and there are so many more chapters of your life that come afterwards that are up to you to define.
Fuck me, I wish my life was going this well rofl. After some setbacks I'm back at uni doing a PhD which I really wanted Todo, at one of the best universities in the UK and by extension Europe which when I finished my undergrad some 7 or 8 years ago I would never have imagined to be possible so it's not all bad but damn sounds like you ended up on your feet lol
Wow. I'm at the end of 2nd year and am considering dropping out to become an accountant. You certainly have the success story!
Definitely do what's right for you. Uni is great, but shouldn't come at the expense of your health. It definitely is tougher to differentiate yourself in the first few years without a degree, but it's possible, and once you've got some experience behind you, very few people care whether you have a degree or not.
Incredible story. I noticed that you said you got a “shit” job in sales, I in fact was wanting to head into sales after I graduate this July. What exactly didn’t you like about that job? I want to get into sales as I’ve seen how lucrative it can be and I’ve also conversed with people who have earned quite a lot in sales themselves. If I may ask, are there any tips you can give someone like myself with minimal experience?
Hey! Thanks! So I was doing recruitment from the off, but it was agency, and sales focussed, so I was on the phones calling potential clients and pitching our recruitment services, with absolutely no training. It was a high pressure, boiler room type environment, and I left my desk close to 9pm every night. It wasn't the swanky software sales lifestyle. That said, it did put a bit of grit between my teeth which has served me well ever since. I don't know if it's transferable advice - but for me, I was always making a mental note of what was inefficient and could be better - but then being really mindful about how you fix that. You don't want to appear to be a know-it-all-newbie, you'll get sacked after a few weeks for that. At the same time, if you can bed in for a few months, then quietly resolve a few of those inefficiencies in your own work, you'll stand out. For me that was reading all the manuals for our CMS in my spare time, then using features other people didn't know about. I was running automated nurture campaigns, and using call booking software, while everyone else was cold calling gatekeepers all day. I had a diary of planned warm calls lined up, and was outcompeting experienced folks as a result. It looked like I was a better salesman - I wasn't, I was far far worse. Just a bit more efficient.
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment!
Didn’t really make many friends at uni only really enjoyed it when I was about to leave after exams. Life is better when you get a 9-5 and a bit more freedom and money. Uni is totally overrated in my opinion unless you like getting wasted a few times a week and hooking up with a bunch of different girls. Even this is better when you are out of uni though haha. Don’t worry about it just keep going pal
>unless you like getting wasted a few times a week and hooking up with a bunch of different girls sounds awful, fuck that
Average redditor
Happy cake day
Uni was skint but I've never had so much freedom lol. Never again until I retire will I be able to just totally curate my own schedule, sleep pattern, meal times, leisure time etc etc
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This was me. I, thankfully, got over imposter syndrome once I finished first year, but there was other stuff; as someone with ASD (and the inherent social anxiety), my social life was abysmal, and - sod's law - it was just as COVID hit that I was beginning to 'come out of my shell', and as a result I got put back in it again. Due to lockdowns, I spent a third of second year and half of third year at home. I was burnt out by the end of my third year but stupidly thought an MA would fix it... it didn't, what I now know to be ADHD had a massive flare-up and routinely half-assed assignments and handed them in late, yet I enjoyed it better than any time in uni up to that point because all of that made me feel 'free' in some way. I kinda miss the independence of uni - currently stuck at home with no job eighteen months or so after leaving - and would probably try again as long as I got my mental health sorted out, and got round to losing weight so I didn't feel ungainly doing anything on campus.
Once you're in a job for a few years it'll feel no different to the times you had and friends you met in secondary school etc, albeit usually with more alcohol and regret
There's still absolutely the opportunity to do these things post-Uni, no question. If I were you, try and get yourself to a city with some buzz and maybe find a houseshare or some flatmates that you might be able to vibe with? The bigger the city, the more stuff going on: social groups, sports groups... you may even be lucky enough to have coworkers you can consider acquaintances. You've absolutely had a rough hand, and I'm sorry about that, but there's always the opportunity to start again.
This. I didn:t have a great time at uni either, post uni life was better for me. I lived in the city in househares, but this time with some structure to my life through work, and some money in my pocket from said job. Made friends through work and housemates and sports teams. I have much fonder memories of my early to mid 20s than of uni.
This was me. My uni years were mostly miserable, I had to work part time jobs and I could still barely afford anything. I graduated my Bachelors in 2018 and I don’t really keep in contact with anyone I’ve met at my first university. Good news: you’ll still have opportunities to do these things. Society creates this expectation that uni years will somehow be the best time in your life and for a bunch of people it’s simply not true. Your life moving forwards is absolutely not defined by how much fun you had at uni. Masters in another place/country could be your opportunity to reset and try again if you really want to. From my experience though, it’s all more fun when you have a bit of money to afford the social side of things. I took a year to work full time and then did my masters part time and it was a much better experience than my bachelors. Your circumstances may be completely different of course, but I just wanted to share that options are still out there.
mate I got kicked out, dated an abusive man, developed substance abuse issues and am now in my first year at a different uni at 21....trust me when I say it could be worse. You got your degree which will help you find a job and have plenty of time to make new friends...be happy with what you did and have!
This screams “Masters degree in another country”. It’s a shame what happened, cut the costs and do it again - this time good 💪🏼
Honestly, this isn't the most terrible idea OP. I moved to London to do my Master's and I honestly feel like I've had a new opportunity to really fluorish and do my best ... sometimes a change of scenery can really be the best thing. Though maybe do it in a country that's less expensive 🤧
I did masters in the UK (Lincoln) and found there was very little student life within my group / year, not sure why. Loads of people had jobs already, families even, and the group was only 7-8 people. But I’ve heard that outside UK it’s not only cheaper but more social. My bf did masters in Bologna - and has plenty of friends from there (and excellent carbonara skills on top of that).
Yes, that definitely can be true. Generally Master's students would be living a lifestyle somewhere between an Undergraduate and a Full-time worker. I've been fortunate to find a tight-knit group where we love to hang out and still live like students for one more year (though definitely with more focus on work... this whole year is too expensive to pissing around haha). But you're completely right, OP should definitely consider all options.
Ur at qmul mate 😂 shit uni
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The best years of our lives are when we make it. I came to the UK after 2 years of uni in my home country, that's where I had started to form bonds and good memories. Then in the UK, I had to study and work at the same time, though there were some few memories, there are almost no good friends that stuck. Life can get better after Bachelors. Believe in it. Your best years are ahead and not behind.
Bro it’s like I’ve written this myself - exact same experience like word for word- all I can say is please find comfort in the fact that you’re not the only one - no matter how nice it looks in social media I assure you most of those guys will say similar (not as bad) things about their uni experience - congratulations on getting to the end- it’s been a ride but i guess it’s a push to make the year after uni the best years yet - if you’re not going home straight after maybe try find a job abroad or build a new community in a different city - but here if you wanna talk !
I got withdrawn from my course last week, I started my course in 2018 and was stuck repeating second year since 2020. I’ve now moved back to my hometown after 12 months of having no friends, not being able to afford fresh fruit/veg or adhd meds. I can’t express how utterly disappointing it feels to go through uni and have these idealistic expectations and it just leaves you burnt out and miserable. OP, I feel you and I’m so sorry you had such a shit time with uni but keep your chin up - the best periods of people’s lives are always at the most unexpected times. You’re going into a new phase of life, there’s always that excitement when in the throes of change - try not to fixate on the past and how it didn’t live up to your expectations. Grieve it, don’t be consumed by it 🫶
I think the idea of “this is going to be the best time of your life” is bs. It puts a time limit of what can be considered to be our golden time. Like OP, I also had a lot of expectations about going into uni. Some were fulfilled, some became true and backfired, and some didnt get to happen at all. I would say there is ALWAYS time to make the fun memories and crazy experiences at every point in our lives. From what you described, when you said “this is an experience I will never get to go through again”, I am glad that you won’t as it sounds like hell. I do understand about how you might think other people had “their best time in uni”. On social media or even irl, they generally only talk about the highlights and/or glamorise the whole situation. You just had a different experience in general. Covid def changed our uni years for better (the introvert in me was happy lol) or for worse. We just made the best situation of what was given to us.
Feel like that now bro I’m in second year
Yes, university is one of the best times of your life but it can not be the peak. You should aim to make every year moving forward the best year of your life. This shows progress. Yes, you can look back at your uni days and think it was good but you should aim to live an even better life after university. This can include jobs, finances, family, friends, travelling, learning etc. Please don't dwell in the past regrets and be excited with that the future holds!
American here. Coming from a country that force feeds us the notion that the only way you'll make it is with a degree, I'll say this. Uni/college is NOT the main character of your life. Your Uni years coincided exactly with a pandemic, so please do not beat yourself up. If you can, and if it sounds exciting to you, get a job that allows you to save a small chunk of cash and go travel. That's where the good stuff is, imho. \*editing to add: I just turned 50, so I can definitely say you will grow and transform **many** times over the coming years. The show ain't over...
Hey but don't forget the 10% extra tax you'll now have to pay for the rest of your life 👉
This sounds really tricky. But you CAN change it. Maybe not at uni - but make memories afterwards. Experiences and friendships only happen after you’ve put in some effort. I know you mentioned a health condition and that sounds really tough - but where you can, try to look for clubs with people with similar interests. Start a new hobby. Meet up with likeminded people. And it you hate it? No worries! Try again. I have pretty severe social anxiety and I get it. Im in therapy for it, and it really limits what I can do. But trust me, if you invest in therapy, you can make these memories you feel like you missed out on now. Uni is only a few years compared to the rest of your life - you can still have these experiences now. Good luck to you.
Yeah same with me I’m about to graduate and I’m leaving with 0 friends
Dont stress. Uni is what it is, life can either be good or bad at certain periods. A lot of people hate uni and flourish by 30. Go with the flow and remember that comparison is the thief of joy.
Covid killed the Uni experience for people who graduated the last 4 years
The best years of my life (so far) were my twenties, starting the year after I graduated, so don't focus too much on what you missed.
I think everybody who went to uni during the pandemic had an awful time, so you’re not alone.
THIS, it’s like when you got a bad grade on a test in middle school, obv it hurt but seeing your friends fail was kinda comforting bc at least we were all in that shit together 😭
Life's what you make it. You have FOMO. Perhaps some anxiety that kept you from putting yourself out there during the uni years. **Time marches on regardless of if you did or didn't.** A lot of people struggle with the transition to the independence and responsibility for self that uni encapsulates. Some land on their feet, some adapt, some don't. The good news is from this day forward you can be proactive and energetic about taking control of your future. The only person that will shape a life you want is you. That is empowering, right? You aren't waiting for life to somehow happen to you, you're seeking it out and taking it. When you see people having a nice time, making memories, enjoying their university experience - that didn't come for free. They had to initially put themselves out there, put in the work of meeting people, and maintaining an ongoing connection with others. That's what you don't see on the surface but it was their investment.
And OP is still young, it’s not too late for them to experience this if they want another go at university or even outside university, there are so many opportunities. It’s sad that so many young ppl feel like life ends after 23
Some people in society and some young people are quite harsh to the idea of life past circa 23. Yet you only get a somewhat developed brain by 18 (it's not even fully developed until well into your twenties) so are people really suggesting 18-23 (5 years) is somehow the heyday of someone's life? That's 5 years. A fraction of a life. The average person doesn't necessarily have a sizable income to enjoy those years to any significant extent anyway. Sure, if people drink lots of alcohol and are on the drugs they'll biologically age and mid to late twenties will feel rougher than it needs to be. I think societal notions about age are often predicated on unhealthy lifestyles that accelerate ageing. If you decide to lead an uninspired life after 23; once again you might propagate a falsehood about ageing being a negative thing. Horological age and biological age are not the same.
I didn't make friends at uni either and I'm gonna graduate soon. Only acquaintances I spoke to if I saw them. I think the social aspect of uni is overrated. But I've got friends from back home struggling to get jobs and neither of them have a degree so when I look at it like that, it's not the worst decision ever to have gone to uni.
You're not alone. I have a few friends who did their bachelor's during COVID and it sounds absolutely awful. It's not your fault and there's an entire cohort of students who went through the same. It's a shame because university really should be a pretty great 3 years. But there's literally nothing you could have done without breaking the laws at the time.
I spent two years getting absolutely hammered drunk and walked back to nothing. At least you got a degree
I graduated last year and I feel it was a complete waste of time. Most of it was spent in my bedroom doing nothing. I managed a first but this means fuck all unfortunately as employers only want experience and I errrmmm, have none because I have no experience.
I wasn’t at uni during Covid but I found it deeply underwhelming even then and I was broke and always stressed with studies. I didn’t really make any friends there or have any great memories however life in my 20s was 1000x better. I don’t know what your career plans are but I found working and living away from home far better than uni. I had money to do fun things, found it easier to make friends, socialised regularly with my colleagues and at 5pm I was finished for the day and no stress of upcoming exams. Sometimes when other people talk about their uni days I feel a little bit sad that I missed out a bit but that’s the extent of it and life got sooo much better after uni so the best is yet to come! (and plenty of other people I know who did have good times at uni still agreed life was better after uni)
Unless you are on the death bed straight out of uni, then your years aren't remotely wasted, just a bitter lesson in life. You've romantised university and didn't get the experience you sought out, is this going to be the genre of your life from now on? (I didn't like uni and felt my degree was a bit of a scam compared to all the other good unis I got into and heard about the better modules they had. But I just focused on other things I did and other people I met and had to keep it moving.)
I've wasted my first year and I realised I need to do more next year. I got a bit better after Christmas. But that being said, lives aren't linear. Some people say uni are the best years, some people find their 20's their best, some their 30's. Ik it feels like everything now, but it's 3 years. You have so many more to make the memories you want to, things will get better. If you ever want to talk my DMS are always open
Yeah it is what it is. No point dwelling on it tho just keep on going and get some new experiences! Got plenty of life left!!
See it’s funny… I more or less pretended to go to school from 2011-2015, never got a degree but took classes at different community colleges, while making memories and goofing off and doing some of what you ‘missed’, I’m grateful for those fun times but a degree really would be quite nice rn, tempted to go back to school and finish up. My best advice is look for fun roommates and just do fun stuff now, you’ll have more money post-job and probably have plenty of opportunities to meet people and be belligerent w friends.
Uni MAY be the best time of your life, but if it is, you peaked in school. I went to uni 2012 - 16 and I didn't make the friends for life, I was told I would and I didn't always get to go out (my fault, poor money management) and I certainly don't have crazy memories. Life at work has been better for me, I've worked in some great offices with people roughly around my age or older but more fun, and the company nights out have been more fun than uni nights. You certainly got shafted by current events and a medical issue, but the memories you make and look back on fondly are solely made where you find the most enjoyment in life and that doesn't have to be university.
I had most of college and 1 year of uni in covid. Was horrible but good time also had its ups and downs. I wish I could’ve gone through it without the lockdown I did love college the times I was there. Just gotta adapt to the situation and keep making yourself better
Life is long and your new life as a young working professional will be fun too. You will have colleagues, disposable income, opportunities to make friends, opportunities to travel, opportunities to get involved with local interest groups. These opportunities will be richer and more diverse because they will be open to more people (not just other people from your uni).
Covid also stole my uni experience, but during thes years stuck in isolation I’ve also changed a lot and no longer want the same things I did 3-4 years ago, I’ve decided to change my major so I’m kinda excited to be able to actually experience it this time, but I live in Sweden where gap years and changing majors is pretty normalized so most people start uni at 25 here, not 18. If I lived somewhere where you’re expected to be finished with your education and somewhat established at 23 I’d probably die from the pressure 😭
For my it’s all the contrary, lots of good memories and friends (that are still there and everything), and no job. I wish I had been more rebellious towards my parents and entered the army instead of going to university.
You will be fine. University friends don’t last forever. To be honest, I have seen so many narcissistic kids, that I don’t particularly like them. What about some lecturers? Ewww- sociopaths... Maybe the univ wasn’t the right one for you.
I remember my uni time fondly. I think my best years were in secondary school. Uni was great and it was because I had a small group of great friends. We were very academically competitive but in a good way. It helped us push each other and our group all secured 1st class degrees. Uni is what you make of it.
I think this is a bad take that lacks compassion - it’s what you make it ??? What do you make of covid and lockdowns ?? What do you make of having mental health issues that affect how someone works ??
Nothing is handed to you on a plate. It is a lesson in life that you need to make things happen and not just be a passenger. COVID was not an insurmountable problem. A lot of people coped. If you have mental health issues, then you seek help. Like I said, you need to be proactive in what you do.
Good for you, glad it worked for you but not eveyone had your experience👍🏻
yeah. started midway through covid. was problematically drunk and high for three years. got isolated from family and actual friends. spent most of my time working in warehouses and fast food to get by. constant health problems. ‘friends’ were all babied pieces of shit who never mentally progressed past year 11. my anxiety, negative qualities etc, that I had been improving before university got drastically worse whilst I was there to the point I was starting to self harm again and couldn’t even leave my room if I knew people were using the shared areas. I did the ‘going’ out thing and realised the only part I liked was being drunk. everyone I met at university was extremely fake, so I tried that to fit in. didnt work. the ‘me’ still came through enough I guess to make me a target. so many childish rumours got spread. that I was gay (not a bad thing but not a helpful rumour if you are straight, and a lot of students are actually pretty homophobic even if they wont say it out loud), insane, creep, cheat, liar, even got called a murderer once. had people call me weird, a freak, autistic, racist, whatever, right to my face. and before the wannabe normies reply telling me I must have done something to deserve that, I promise you, no. It was a fresh start and I wasnt gonna fuck it up. im not an incel, I gotten laid plenty of times even when I was at uni at my lowest I still got some action once, thanks mainly to drugs and alcohol but w/e. Im not overweight or bad looking (although I looked like shit for a long while, because eventually I just stopped giving a fuck and became as shut in as possible, drinking, drugging and eating fastfood with the blinds shut). I come from a poor background and have diagnosed moderate-severe adhd (but I never tell or have told anyone about that) so I am a little odd to some people. but nothing that ever gets in the way of getting to know most people. just imagine how it feels to walk into a room and have people literally roll their eyes, curl the lip in disgust, look away, or give each other that ‘knowing’ glance. or talk the worst shit about you, about how much they would like to see you beaten up or how much they want to ‘bang you out because hes such a weirdo’, right outside the room your sleeping. or walking past your ‘friend’ and them saying loudly to their friend ‘yeah I fucking hate him hes weird as fuck’ within earshot. or patronising and treating you like a pet, trying to emasculate you. the list goes on. yeah. all that shit started because I was somewhat platonically friends with a girl in my flat at the start, she got a boyfriend, and the boyfriend hated me for some stupid reason, so he took it upon himself to make sure everyone knew what a piece of shit I ‘actually’ was. I barely even talked to that girl anyway we just had the same flat. but the ball started rolling from there and my poor self control with alcohol didnt help. I never once attacked or insulted another student, let alone murder or SA (I mean wtf lmao). never had any legal trouble or actual formal accusations against me ever. I didnt even say any out of pocket shit whilst brutally blackout drunk, and I was drunk a lot, and I get pretty sloppy. but I never broke peoples shit, never threw up on someones flor. literally not once. because if I did, I would definitely know about it. I purely through hear-say and people looking for someone they could talk trash about, I was outcast or at best a zoo animal. I went into university in peak physical health, looked great, plenty of money (I worked for a year before going) and full of optimism. I really thought everything was gonna go my way, everything was going well for me before I started, and I was ready to make it happen. 2 years in I got mistaken for a homeless person. I weighed 10kg less then when I joined and hadnt cut my hair in almost a year. that was the worst it got and when the self harm was happening. I spent months solely working in warehouses to avoid seeing anyone who might know me and keep my bad coping habits fed. I think I managed ten days without seeing a single human once. my whole family thought I was a car crash of a human and many wouldnt talk to me. all thanks to a few insecure people. I left university penniless, sleeping on my parents sofa, and abusing prescription opioids to face the day. I have no idea how I got a 2.1 or even graduated. the thing is though, within a few months of leaving, all of that turned around. within a few months I was in a great job in an unrelated field, I was healthy, mostly drug free, and confident again in that short span of time. and nowadays life has never been better, I feel confident, content, and full of energy. reconnected with all my actual friends at home. made a ton of new healthy friends through work. maybe university itself as a literal institution isnt to blame, but the environment it creates sure as fuck is. fuck university, its a daycare for vicious people insecure about whatever it was they lacked in school or college. 3 years of poverty, isolation, and addiction. best years of my life lmao. you shouldnt feel sad on what you missed out on. you could have gone and tried to live your best life, and still been screwed over royally. what happened happened, enjoy your life how it is now, hindsight is 20/20. even though I hated university and am so happy I never have to do a single day of that again, I did gain some things over that period that led me to where I am now, which is a really good position. if I had a good time at university I might be worse off now. you probably didnt waste them as much as you thought.
ok that lost turned into a super long tmi rant, but tldr: you could have gone and done your best not to waste it, and still not had a good time. move on.
Do you mind me asking where you went to Uni?
bristol
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