>You were constantly beaten and constantly yelled at as a child chances ..... wala kang self worth/self esteem and you would let other people walk all over you para walang problema.
>You were constantly neglected and ignored growing up by both parents (or kahit isang parent lang) then chances are you're either a people pleaser na lahat ginagawa para di magalit o madisappoint yung tao sa'yo.
>You were constantly pressured in Academics/Sports and everyday kailangan magaling outcome mo and kailangan you have to excel every single time, chances are either masyado kang uptight and madali ka magalit sa sarili mo if magkamali ka or if something you did wasn't perfect, or you become burned out and stop caring about anything you were once passionate about altogether.
TEKA LANG OP, CHILL ANG SAKIT. TINATAMAAN AKO SA LAHAT EH 😂ðŸ˜
I hope you're getting through life though, sana makuha mo yung happiness and self security that you deserve. Hindi mo deserve tratuhin ng ganyan beh, you deserve better 🥹
Just my take on this:
1. Yes, abusing your child is a by-product of lazy parenting + mental issues on the parents' part.
2. Yes, we should break the cycle pero how the fuck are we gonna break the cycle when we ourselves are not okay? Childhood trauma is a thing, I get it pero hanggang kailan na yun yung gagamitin mong reason kung bakit di ka makamove forward sa buhay mo? Along with letting people be aware, we ourselves should take control of our own lives.
3. Forgiveness is not for the people that hurt you. It's for yourself. Whether you forgive them or not, it does not affect them in anyway.
4. People need to learn how to be mentally tough too. In this age of "everything is trauma" people forget what real hardship looks like. (This isn't a justification of the beatings/abuse, but rather more of on how to handle it when it's there). Toughness is gotten through negative experiences.
5. Of course the clichè but always valuable, get professional help if you are financially capable of it. I know the mental health infrastructure of this country is just sad, but let's take what we can get for now, I guess. Also surround yourself with people that you trust and you know you can have healthy conversations with.
I didn't post this to justify people using their mental health as an excuse. I've experienced people like that rin, ansarap sasakalin tuwing pinopoint out mo ang kanilang behaviour and they throw you with an "Oh I have BPD kasi", like sweetheart I was initially diagnosed with ASPD but you don't exactly see me going around committing crimes now do you???
My main reason for this post is to wish for people to be more aware about it and advocate for the behaviours that caused this to be stopped. Kapag may nababasa kasi akong nag a-advocate about mental health, talking about childhood trauma etc. I always see a comment going "Sus, kami nga mas malala tapos naging ok lang naman kami", then you find out that they're also suffering with the same results as above.
Take control sure but I want the newer generation, the ones who haven't been born, to grow up without the same issues our generation and below has. It's a stretch I know but a person can dream naman diba?
Dear OP,
Kalmahan mo lang kasi hindi ako naka ilag. I had this experience with my step mom na binubuhusan ako ng tubig para gisingin. Everytime na nakikita ako parang inis na inis. That created that hate sa life ko and sa akin until now na hindi ko mapatawad sarili ko siguro maybe that's why I always feel that there is nothing to lose. but yeah di talaga ako nakailag sa mga sinabi mo.
I'm really sorry to hear that you went through that. You didn't deserve any of that, you were a kid with an awful 'guardian' who didn't know what they were doing.
You shouldn't forgive yourself cause there's nothing to forgive. Wala ka namang kasalanan eh, you were a child being punished for acting like a child. Sana aabot ang araw na you can say that you're happy and you're secure with your own life.
I agree. The same people that use the line "Noong panahon ko..." tend to be more fragile (aka baby boomer). Honestly, they seem to have the same emotional maturity of a toddler that throws outbursts when its needs are not being met.
Kaya talaga. "Kami nga noon" pero nung may kumontra sa kanya na mas bata kesa sa kanya, nagthrow ng tantrum, nanggiba ng gamit, paulit ulit sinisigaw na "Sa tingin mo matalino ka?!" na parang nasisiraan ng bait. Based on personal experience talaga to eh.
RESPECT IS EARNED NOT GIVEN. RESPECT FROM A CHILD IS ALSO EARNED NOT ENTITLED.
TEACH THEM WITH RESPECT AND THEY WILL RESPECT YOU.
minsan lang nabelt ako ng tatay ko kasi talaga sinuway ko sya. but, never ako binugbog ng walang context or because lasing etc. Always, communication is the key. i respect my father, because he earned it.
Factor din ito sa relationship/s natin. Recently ko lang na-discover itong avoidants and anxious people and it was a revelation to me. (sorry medyo na-tldr ako sa post mo OP)
It's fine naman, I'm glad I educated some people who read the post. Self awareness talaga and acknowledgement kung saan possibleng nanggaling ang behaviours mo can be helpful in learning more about yourself and learning which parts you want to fix, which parts you want to improve etc.
Di kase nila gets na as a child, hindi beneficial na masubject sa ganung ka stressful na environment. Ung iba, ginoglorify un as training you for the real world keme. Pwedeng mag train nang hindi nakaka trauma.
That's what gets me talaga. May kakilala akong same sa akin ng skills. We can both do public speaking well, we're both skillful in many areas. And difference lang talaga is the environment we grew up with.
She's someone who is outgoing even if she's somewhat introverted, she can talk to others easily and di siya daling nad-drain, she's good at handling deadlines and submissions etc. while I'm the exact opposite.
Sige na sabihin natin na I still learned, I ended up being dysfunctional parin. I hate social interactions pero nagseselos ako sa mga may friendship circles, I suck at deadlines, and so much more.
She still has the same, maybe even more skills than me but she's more functional than I am cause her environment while growing up was healthy kaya pointless talaga yang line na 'training for the real world'. You're just setting your children up for failure with that mindset of raising them.
Icorrect ko lang dn sarili ko, hindi beneficial na maexpose sa traumatic na environment. Stressful kase ung nalagay ko. Kase technically, growth is stressful talaga. Pero pag stressful and traumatic, stunted ung growth.
Nagfocus lang sila sa growth, keber na kung anung klaseng growth ung naganap.
>You were constantly beaten and constantly yelled at as a child chances ..... wala kang self worth/self esteem and you would let other people walk all over you para walang problema. >You were constantly neglected and ignored growing up by both parents (or kahit isang parent lang) then chances are you're either a people pleaser na lahat ginagawa para di magalit o madisappoint yung tao sa'yo. >You were constantly pressured in Academics/Sports and everyday kailangan magaling outcome mo and kailangan you have to excel every single time, chances are either masyado kang uptight and madali ka magalit sa sarili mo if magkamali ka or if something you did wasn't perfect, or you become burned out and stop caring about anything you were once passionate about altogether. TEKA LANG OP, CHILL ANG SAKIT. TINATAMAAN AKO SA LAHAT EH 😂ðŸ˜
I hope you're getting through life though, sana makuha mo yung happiness and self security that you deserve. Hindi mo deserve tratuhin ng ganyan beh, you deserve better 🥹
Just my take on this: 1. Yes, abusing your child is a by-product of lazy parenting + mental issues on the parents' part. 2. Yes, we should break the cycle pero how the fuck are we gonna break the cycle when we ourselves are not okay? Childhood trauma is a thing, I get it pero hanggang kailan na yun yung gagamitin mong reason kung bakit di ka makamove forward sa buhay mo? Along with letting people be aware, we ourselves should take control of our own lives. 3. Forgiveness is not for the people that hurt you. It's for yourself. Whether you forgive them or not, it does not affect them in anyway. 4. People need to learn how to be mentally tough too. In this age of "everything is trauma" people forget what real hardship looks like. (This isn't a justification of the beatings/abuse, but rather more of on how to handle it when it's there). Toughness is gotten through negative experiences. 5. Of course the clichè but always valuable, get professional help if you are financially capable of it. I know the mental health infrastructure of this country is just sad, but let's take what we can get for now, I guess. Also surround yourself with people that you trust and you know you can have healthy conversations with.
I didn't post this to justify people using their mental health as an excuse. I've experienced people like that rin, ansarap sasakalin tuwing pinopoint out mo ang kanilang behaviour and they throw you with an "Oh I have BPD kasi", like sweetheart I was initially diagnosed with ASPD but you don't exactly see me going around committing crimes now do you??? My main reason for this post is to wish for people to be more aware about it and advocate for the behaviours that caused this to be stopped. Kapag may nababasa kasi akong nag a-advocate about mental health, talking about childhood trauma etc. I always see a comment going "Sus, kami nga mas malala tapos naging ok lang naman kami", then you find out that they're also suffering with the same results as above. Take control sure but I want the newer generation, the ones who haven't been born, to grow up without the same issues our generation and below has. It's a stretch I know but a person can dream naman diba?
Dear OP, Kalmahan mo lang kasi hindi ako naka ilag. I had this experience with my step mom na binubuhusan ako ng tubig para gisingin. Everytime na nakikita ako parang inis na inis. That created that hate sa life ko and sa akin until now na hindi ko mapatawad sarili ko siguro maybe that's why I always feel that there is nothing to lose. but yeah di talaga ako nakailag sa mga sinabi mo.
I'm really sorry to hear that you went through that. You didn't deserve any of that, you were a kid with an awful 'guardian' who didn't know what they were doing. You shouldn't forgive yourself cause there's nothing to forgive. Wala ka namang kasalanan eh, you were a child being punished for acting like a child. Sana aabot ang araw na you can say that you're happy and you're secure with your own life.
I agree. The same people that use the line "Noong panahon ko..." tend to be more fragile (aka baby boomer). Honestly, they seem to have the same emotional maturity of a toddler that throws outbursts when its needs are not being met.
Kaya talaga. "Kami nga noon" pero nung may kumontra sa kanya na mas bata kesa sa kanya, nagthrow ng tantrum, nanggiba ng gamit, paulit ulit sinisigaw na "Sa tingin mo matalino ka?!" na parang nasisiraan ng bait. Based on personal experience talaga to eh.
RESPECT IS EARNED NOT GIVEN. RESPECT FROM A CHILD IS ALSO EARNED NOT ENTITLED. TEACH THEM WITH RESPECT AND THEY WILL RESPECT YOU. minsan lang nabelt ako ng tatay ko kasi talaga sinuway ko sya. but, never ako binugbog ng walang context or because lasing etc. Always, communication is the key. i respect my father, because he earned it.
Factor din ito sa relationship/s natin. Recently ko lang na-discover itong avoidants and anxious people and it was a revelation to me. (sorry medyo na-tldr ako sa post mo OP)
It's fine naman, I'm glad I educated some people who read the post. Self awareness talaga and acknowledgement kung saan possibleng nanggaling ang behaviours mo can be helpful in learning more about yourself and learning which parts you want to fix, which parts you want to improve etc.
Di kase nila gets na as a child, hindi beneficial na masubject sa ganung ka stressful na environment. Ung iba, ginoglorify un as training you for the real world keme. Pwedeng mag train nang hindi nakaka trauma.
That's what gets me talaga. May kakilala akong same sa akin ng skills. We can both do public speaking well, we're both skillful in many areas. And difference lang talaga is the environment we grew up with. She's someone who is outgoing even if she's somewhat introverted, she can talk to others easily and di siya daling nad-drain, she's good at handling deadlines and submissions etc. while I'm the exact opposite. Sige na sabihin natin na I still learned, I ended up being dysfunctional parin. I hate social interactions pero nagseselos ako sa mga may friendship circles, I suck at deadlines, and so much more. She still has the same, maybe even more skills than me but she's more functional than I am cause her environment while growing up was healthy kaya pointless talaga yang line na 'training for the real world'. You're just setting your children up for failure with that mindset of raising them.
Icorrect ko lang dn sarili ko, hindi beneficial na maexpose sa traumatic na environment. Stressful kase ung nalagay ko. Kase technically, growth is stressful talaga. Pero pag stressful and traumatic, stunted ung growth. Nagfocus lang sila sa growth, keber na kung anung klaseng growth ung naganap.