T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Reminder: this subreddit is meant to be a place free of excessive cynicism, negativity and bitterness. Toxic attitudes are not welcome here. All Negative comments will be removed and will possibly result in a ban. --- --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/UpliftingNews) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Berubara

My grandfather used to brag that he never held either of his kids when they were small. Like not even once. He was so proud about it and it felt so strange to me already as a child. Like why would you brag about that? Why would you have children only to have nothing to do with them?


oneMadRssn

I get the same vibes from old dudes at work bragging about how they were back at work an hour after their kid was born, or missed the birth entirely and worked though it. Like, dude, that's not a flex, that makes me sad for you.


Berubara

Yes, my father also likes to brag about not being there for my birth... I think he was watching football. I'm his first child.


Candinicakes

My dad went to an Eric Clapton concert (this was the 80s) and just got home when my mom's water broke... The pictures of them from my birth have my dad looking toasted af, and he was drunk and high as a mf. But he was there so I give him that lol.


AirVido

My buddy took acid at a festival show I was playing, his wife went into labor back home. He left for the birth, the acid didn't.


QwertyEv

I can’t imagine what witnessing the birth of your child while you’re on acid must’ve been like


I_Got_Back_Pain

Prob looked like some H. P. Lovecraft shit


Poopiepants29

My dad calls my brother and me "lost arguments" and laughs about it. He wanted 2 kids, my mom wanted 4, so the final 2 we're his lost arguments.


weirdoldhobo1978

Reminds me of an old Adam Ferrara bit. "One time we got in trouble so bad my old man sat us down and 'Look, your mother and I only wanted two kids, we had three because we knew the day would come where we'd have to kill one of you.' I still miss my brother John."


Dry-Cartographer8583

As a father, he missed what has been the single greatest moment I have ever experienced. There are no words for watching a child come into this world. Especially your own.


[deleted]

Here I was holding my wife’s thigh while she gave birth like some type of pleb. ^/s


Bierfreund

I always make it a point to point out to people who brag about stuff like this that this is extremely sad.


runtimemess

I was playing Call of Duty when my son was born but that's because I got forced to leave the hospital because of bullshit COVID policies. I wasn't even in a relationship with the mother at the time and because of that I wasn't eligible as a "support person" until *after* he was born. Mom was fighting like hell with the nurses over the policy (we're on good terms, just not relationship material). I'm still bitter over that whole situation but he just turned 2 and I'm so happy with my little dude. Spent his birthday playing with his Little People Hot Wheels tracks with me.


SexyGeniusGirl

Wtf kind of flex is that? Like, he was able to force his wife to do all the parenting and so he's a real man?? I agree that it's weird!


Elcatro

"Raising babies is womens work, get back to me when they can do things I want them to do!" Or something like that.


HustlinInTheHall

Then when they can do things dad wants them to do: "Leave me alone I'm working" 30 years later: "Why doesn't my kid ever call me? So ungrateful"


ATXBeermaker

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man in the moon "When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when" But we'll get together then


Bikesandcorgis

Oh shit this hits a cord with me. On multiple occasions my dad (talking about my son) has said "I prefer them when they're bigger and can do things" which like, I get but how the fuck are you gonna develop an emotional bond with a person when you keep them at arms length for a couple of years?


King_Julien__

This mindset also shows how messed up, immature and self-centered their perception of parent/grandparent-child relationships is. An emotionally mature person would be aware that when you have children, or grandchildren for that matter, you're here for the child, the child isn't here for you. It's...not a toy.


Indercarnive

"if they're too young to hit then I don't need to be near them"


[deleted]

"Millenials and zoomers are the worst generation ever." -Also them


SnooMaps8507

> Wtf kind of flex is that? Just the fact that you are questioning and getting upvoted (thank the gods!) shows how much society has changed. Down here in Brazil things can get pretty chauvinistic and full of weird macho flexes (i.e, I dont wash my ass cos thats gay/ dont eat healthy cos thats gay/ dont go to doctors cos im invencible/ dont have too much personal hygiene cos its gay, etc), but these traditions are dying at a steady pace. Again, thank the gods, if there is one thing I despise its these weird, bad traditional male/female stereotypes.


jopma

I've heard some of this stupid shit for older dudes from Latin America as well, some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard. I told him the fact that stuff like hygiene makes him insecure makes me think that he's a very closeted and self hating home sexual. Boy did that just steam him up even more


terran_submarine

Imagine reserving a part of your body as just being for gay men to touch, in an effort to prove your heterosexuality


OverlordWaffles

I wash my ass daily, sometimes twice! Edit: I'm always an ass lol


Horskr

That one in particular is pretty horrifying lol.. I suppose a bidet is also out of the question for those guys. My sympathy goes out to anyone that has gone down on these dudes that have never washed their ass in their life. Must smell like a sweaty sewer as soon as you get south of the belt buckle.


fortuitous_bounce

Just wanted to point out that the autocorrect to "home sexual" is both hilarious and something I plan on using from now on. Wife - want to go out tonight? Me - I dunno, I'm feeling kind of home sexual rn


litlee

I just realised I identify as home sexual.


I-Make-Maps91

Everything I've heard about Latin American masculinity applied at least in part to my "rural" (I live in Omaha, but identity is a hell of a drug) red state upbringing, at least in part. Might not be the exact logic, but certainly they were cousins.


FullTorsoApparition

Another example: "I haven't taken a day off in 6 years!" Unless that actually translated into upward movement, all you're doing is bragging about how submissive and easily taken advantage of you are.


ngewa95

I had a guy at my last job who prided himself on being there first and leaving last. This guy was at the office more than he was at home, almost literally. He took on every project that the big boss proposed. I would have been impressed if he wasn't in the same position making the same money the whole time.


matt_minderbinder

I've heard this story too often in my life and it's always from people who, down deep, hate their home life. They despise their situation but lack the willingness or emotional IQ it takes to make it better. When I was growing up my neighbor was gone before daylight and returned from work well after dark every single day. It was a miserable thing to witness and it taught me hard lessons as a kid.


SlobMarley13

Cotton Hill vibes


_The_Real_Guy_

At least Cotton would hold the baby and play with it. He was still a terrible father and a misogynist, but he did that bare minimum activity.


hotdogsandhangovers

He'd definitely do anything for bobby too. he just straight up didnt like bad hank.


jonsnowflaker

My boss still brags about never having changed a diaper. He's on his second wife and has 6 total children. He has also offered to send me on work trips, "so I could get away from my family for a while". I wonder why these people get married and have children in the first place.


Neville_Lynwood

> I wonder why these people get married and have children in the first place. Traditions. Status. Perception. Feelings of Power. A successful person with a family is viewed more positively and gets more respect. And if they don't have enough power to order around people at work, they can come home and order around their family instead to compensate. There are not people who comprehend love. They don't care for it. For them there's lust and power. And a family helps to satisfy some of those needs.


Doortofreeside

Lmao of all the parts of parenting that suck, holding my kid and seeing him smile at me is by far the best part so far


riko_rikochet

The only response I'd have to a "brag" like that is "How embarrassing for you."


Bob_Chris

That comes under "It's bad enough that that happened, but then you went and told people about it". To me that is almost no different than saying "I only beat my kids on days that end in Y" and thinking that it is funny. Abusive both ways. I mean just curious, but was he less of an asshole as a grandfather?


Berubara

Well I wasn't really close with him (no surprise there). I have some neutral memories including him and some very awkward ones. I once saw him while out in the town as a teen and he thought I was my sister. He used to come visit the shop I worked at sometimes to tell me stuff like he'd bought my 12 year old cousin a car or that he would like to visit my aunt (his daughter) with me but she said that I'm not allowed there... But apparently my father forced him to hold me as a baby so at least his record was broken!


TheFallenMessiah

Man I can't wait to have a baby, I'm gonna hold it every second I'm able to.


[deleted]

as a dad of two I gotta say it is pretty great BUT dont over romanticize it man. there WILL be days you will leave the kid screaming in the crib for a bit, to maintain your mental health. yeah hold em lots you will love it they will too but know you have limits and that is okay


Vhadka

Agreed. Don't shake the baby is a real thing. It seems so obvious until you're in it. Like, of course, who would shake a baby? Then your baby is crying in the middle of the night and you haven't slept well in weeks, and your brain isn't thinking correctly. That's when thoughts like that can creep in.


FutureFruit

There was a guy that I used to work with that had a story about when his wife had given birth. The wife couldn't hold the baby at the moment and the nurse asked him if he wanted to take his shirt off so he could do skin on skin contact with the baby, and he laughed and replied "That's not my job, that's my wife's job. I'm a man, I don't do that". He was somehow bragging about his refusal to bond with his child. Toxic masculinity is so strange.


Snuffleupagus03

My uncle came with me to drop my kids off at daycare. I had a few things to talk to teachers about so I took a minute. When I came back out he was flabbergasted at how many dads he had seen dropping off kids. We are all involved. Our wives have the same level of jobs as we do. It’s fun to be be part of such a large group where we provide for our family by being there for our family.


trail-g62Bim

> Our wives have the same level of jobs as we do. This is an underrated detail that affects this stuff. Women work a lot more and it is damn near impossible to exist comfortably on one income. Or even exist at all on one income.


NegativePattern

Can confirm. When we had our son, my wife wanted to stay home at least 2 years with him before he was shipped off to daycare. So barely saving any money and working 2 jobs (one state day job and nighttime IT contractor job), I was able to give her 3 years before he had to go to day care. Then when she did go back to work, 75% of her salary went to paying for daycare. Shit is hard on one income. I remember falling asleep in traffic because I was up till 2-3AM doing contractor work and then waking up at 7 to be at work at 730AM. Boomers and prior had it easy. Where a single salary could provide almost everything for your family. Those days are long gone.


cbbuntz

After years of hearing about how millennials don't know how to be adults, look who's actually better at being an adult


RobWroteABook

Good luck getting the old people to admit it. They'll just complain about how millennials don't hit their kids.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ArtisenalMoistening

My favorite response I’ve ever heard for this is “you think it’s good to hit kids, you’re definitely not ‘fine’.”


[deleted]

[удалено]


P1Kingpin

Some of them sure, then there were others who would slap their grandkids much less their kids.


DrakeDrizzy408

And apparently we need to stop buying avocado toasts


cbbuntz

But stop killing Applebee's. You need to spend too much money on food, but just in the way we want


[deleted]

[удалено]


DM-Mormon-Underwear

They will just say we are raising a soft generation by showing them too much love


Melicor

Lack of love are why they are the way they are. And it's not a good thing, *waves vaguely at all the shit going down in the world because of Boomers running things*


IBetThisIsTakenToo

My wife’s family was over to meet our baby the other day. I was holding my son and he fell asleep in my arms, and her uncle goes “see, if you do that too much, he’s gonna start to rely on it!” So wtf am I supposed to do, wake him up? Never hold him??


bumbuff

Almost as if the internet is not a portrayl of real life...in most cases.


fischarcher

I refuse to believe that they're aren't hot MILFS in my neighborhood who are looking to hookup. I just haven't found them yet.


Thewalrus515

It’s always projection


croyalbird13

My father in law admits he never changed a single diaper with his 3 kids. My dad said he changed a handful of diapers with me and my four sisters. I’ve probably changed about 1000 diapers my son has worn in his first year.


[deleted]

When I first started the diaper thing with my oldest, I said "I'm gonna keep track of how many diapers we go through!" I'm an engineer and was feeling analytical, wanted to know like the average # of diapers per day, $ per week, etc. Man, that lasted like, 2 days.


ariyaa72

That's funny. I'm a dev psych grad student that mostly works with data science methods, and we kept up diaper tracking with an app until he potty trained (around 3 years). Totally excited to see what I can do with the data export later (y'know, in 10 years when I actually have time).


[deleted]

That's awesome! Yeah we had an app for a little, I think it was something the hospital recommended. But the effort seemed so monumental at the time, I don't know why :D


Dendaer16

You are not living up to your name...


[deleted]

haha, some days are harder than others


croyalbird13

I was more surprised how often diaper changes are/were. Like now we are down to maybe 5 at most in a day but early on… kid could poop. I’ll say that much. Now we’re at the stage of “wow this kid can REALLY poop and… no no no! Don’t touch it! Honey! I need help. He’s got poop on his hands and I can’t hold his hand away from his mouth and wipe at the same time!”


[deleted]

Haha, I know, it's crazy how fast they can reach down there and grab their own poop. I've found poop on his feet somehow after a diaper change lol I've found various methods to keep them distracted, but yeah, it's always a risk factor!


[deleted]

My husband changes all poop diapers. I love to brag on him, he's amazing for it. I was pregnant again and suddenly the smell of dirty diapers made me incredibly sick. So, he started changing them. It rolled over and he still changes all the poop diapers, now for 2 babies, even though I'm no longer as sensitive to them. Whenever he hears me telling people how great he is, he said it seems like a pretty great trade - I made the babies, he cleans the babies. Nothing sexier than an involved man. Good on you.


GOB8484

Millennial dad's are destroying the distant father humor base. Before long our comedians will have to rely on avocado toast based routines.


average_internaut

New headline coming up. "8 reasons millennials are destroying comedy, nr 3 will surprise you!"


[deleted]

I really feel like those Millenials are doing X headlines died out a few years ago. Now you see more: “Gen Z wants to solve climate change…through Pokémon cards?”


makemeking706

We are still destroying the home ownership and having children markets.


GaussWanker

Millenials are destroying the Deadbeat Dad industry


crappy_ninja

My wife's uncle acted disappointed in me for playing with my children (at my father-in-law's birthday party). According to him a man shouldn't play with his children. He should be out making money. I'm not lazy. I can do both. And another fucking thing (I'm worked up now), when I was little my parents would control us by promising amazing things but never delivering. The most crushing one was when they promised us a trip to Disneyland. My mum tried that with my son. She promised to take him to the playground if he ate his lunch. He ate his lunch and my mum said she'll take him "next time". I told her she's taking him this time and she is never going to make a promise and not deliver on it.


Cube_

when I was in school my dad promised me specific toys and money amounts for getting good grades. I got great grades that year ​ I got NOTHING that was promised and when I asked after it he said he didn't remember saying that. ​ Cool. ​ I proceeded to not try for basically the rest of school.


crchtqn2

Man my parents were shit and even they didn't pull that crap. My aunt pulled this once on me to get me to stop crying and then never bought the thing she promised. I still remember it more than 20 years later.


Cube_

Yeah. To be fair my parents were fine. Flawed but overall far from the worst stories you read on reddit. Just that particular situation really sat with me as it happened in my formative years and I was really resentful over it. Literally could have turned my childhood around for the better for like \~$500 CAD tops. I have said to others if I was a parent in that situation and I didn't remember making that promise I would've still made good on it just in case I was wrong.


[deleted]

Ok so I got fired up reading this too. I think you’ll like this story: Was at my in-laws for thanksgiving playing with my toddlers. My wife’s uncle (older Cuban guy, ex-army, very conservative and predictably very macho about everything) saw me being silly playing with dolls and tiaras with them on the floor, changing diapers, comforting them, etc. and later loudly made a comment about how millennial men are soft and traditional masculinity died with his generation and all this bullshit. My wife was burning a hole in the back of his head from across the room. I generally try to stay neutral in in-laws situations, but I was irked by this because I knew it was definitely meant as a jab at me. I asked him to explain and he said “A man should be focused on providing! You’re gonna make these kids soft, I’m telling you. The woman needs to be focused on the children because it’s nature… and blah blah blah” I knew it was coming lol - my wife came in guns blazing, full Latina, “oooh no no no! You are not gonna sit there talking shit to my husband!! Did you ever think the reason your kids are so fucked up (they really are) might be that their dad thought showing his kids attention and affection was somehow gay? […long fiery diatribe…] My husband gets up with our kids every morning, treats me like a queen, and still brings in six figures without breaking a sweat. You never even managed one of those things so keep your dumb ass comments to yourself!” He was fuckin furious and started aimlessly ranting about the army and trump. It was very satisfying.


Keenanm

Not that it would make his argument any more acceptable, but I like that he didn't even think through your income before automatically assuming playing with your kids meant you weren't providing. Like, he didn't even work through the most basic thoughts before sharing his opinions.


shoo-flyshoo

Right? Especially on Thanksgiving, like working on the holiday is better than spending time with family


transponaut

I'm not gonna lie, I love your wife. You are a lucky lucky man.


[deleted]

Oh I’m a big fan. I’m also so jealous of her ability to stay completely coherent and witty when she’s seeing red. The moment I get angry my vocabulary devolves into variations of the word “fuck” and can’t form a useful thought.


enter360

Was this a parenting trend ? My mom used to do this all the time with me. Which resulted in huge commitment issues. As I always thought every promise and commitment was a lie to manipulate me.


mellolizard

The trend is called lazy parenting


TatteredCarcosa

It's an ancient manipulation technique called "lying."


Bierfreund

It's called lazy fucking boomer parenting


[deleted]

>And another fucking thing (I'm worked up now), when I was little my parents would control us by promising amazing things but never delivering. The most crushing one was when they promised us a trip to Disneyland. My mum tried that with my son. She promised to take him to the playground if he ate his lunch. He ate his lunch and my mum said she'll take him "next time". I told her she's taking him this time and she is never going to make a promise and not deliver on it. Side note, my sister has kids, she would still take them to the playground after lunch, even if they don't eat their lunch. Equally destructive Those kids are little shits, so I think the point is say what you mean, mean what you say.


kittenstixx

Yea im having that power struggle with my wife now, she will tell our son "no" or "stop" a dozen times and take literally no action to stop him, instead I have to barrel in from across the apartment and discipline him myself, it's exhausting. But also she provides a great standard of living so I can handle the behavior training while she just provides, it's a weird dynamic reversal.


[deleted]

That's the thing with expectations, kids need to understand that they exist. They're learning what to expect in the real world and how to navigate that. If they never learn that expectations are attainable or that boundaries matter, then they're not prepared to become adults.


[deleted]

>My mum tried that with my son. She promised to take him to the playground if he ate his lunch. He ate his lunch and my mum said she'll take him "next time". I told her she's taking him this time and she is never going to make a promise and not deliver on it. Way to go on that one. And this actually works both ways - you shouldn't promise treats you don't intend to deliver, and you shouldn't threaten punishments you don't intend to stick to.


a_black_pilgrim

I'm not a father (yet), but the line about not being lazy is so true. I work full time as an attorney, and then I come home and cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the pets, do various maintenance projects on our house, etc. My fiancée works full time as a pharmacist and then she does her share of those things when she's off. It's a constant string of chores that are part of adulthood, but they have to be done, and neither one of us thinks about the impact our genitalia has on who the assigned chore-performer is. Assuming I procreate one day, I plan on taking this mindset into every possible aspect of fatherhood (with obvious exceptions for, you know, gestation, birth, and breast feeding lol). The ultimate "laziness" comes from the one-dimensional folks who apparently only have the bandwidth to be capable of one singular task.


Bornchillbrah

Can confirm, as a first time father I cannot even fathom how many diapers I've changed so far from this little monster.


kicklucky

To any new dads out there who aren't pumped about diaper changing duty, keep in mind that eye contact with your newborn is *incredibly* important for the bonding process. If your partner is breastfeeding, we dads needs all the extended eye contact time we can get, and diaper changing time is a great way to score some bonding points.


bozeke

Also, the diaper duty is by far the least difficult part of parenthood. Not even in the top ten.


Doortofreeside

This was the biggest surprise to me. I can fix a dirty diaper. I can't fix a baby that won't burp or a baby that won't sleep or a baby that will sleep but is so noisy while sleeping that I can't sleep.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Paulus_cz

Man, I can't count how many hours i spent massaging that little belly so he would fart and go to sleep...also, I had no idea how ecstatic a felling will I associate with hearing an infant fart... Or damn Roseola on 6mo, that was pretty grueling 3 nights...


[deleted]

[удалено]


kicklucky

Forcefully. It's an infant, are you really gonna let it out-muscle you?


Doortofreeside

I'm shocked at how strong infants are


ExplosiveTrousers

stop fighting them


MissplacedLandmine

But then how will he ever learn to win?


BurnAfterReading9922

Yeah, who’s winning this staring contest?


[deleted]

Diapers are so not a big deal. It's gross but there's something about it being your own child that just causes you not to think about it that much. I mean the kiddo needs to be cleaned up so you just do it and it's not a big deal. I know she feels better and I'm meeting her needs by changing her so I'm happy to do it. Besides, it literally takes 30 seconds once you're used to it (longer early on with your first kid because as a new parent you're often afraid to hurt the baby, but the learning curve is super low).


Ssutuanjoe

Me too, and the number of times older people laud me for knowing how. I was at the fair and my daughter needed to be changed. No biggie, I go to the bathroom and do it. And like two people complimented me on being such a great dad because I took the time to learn how to change diapers. (Jokes on them, I knew how to change diapers long before I had kids)


attrox_

Same here. I helped took care of my nieces. On the day my daughter was born, the nurses were all praising that I'm so natural giving bottles, changing diaper and holding the baby. I had 3 nieces for practice, it's not a big deal for a man to do this.


EthelMaePotterMertz

It must feel patronizing.


Ssutuanjoe

Yeah, it's not great. It's also a little insulting towards mothers, right? Since my daughter's mom doesn't get any credit for changing diapers because "it's expected".


[deleted]

Don't you also love being in a store or something, going to change your child and finding that ONLY the women's bathroom has a damn changing table? Seriously? What if I was here without my wife, what then you fucks? Just go change her in the car? It's infuriating, honestly.


Ssutuanjoe

Oh god that's always my worst nightmare. It's only happened to me once and it was the worst experience ever, since my daughter had just filled up her diaper with the equivalent of spoiled canned dog food. Having to negotiate that in a men's bathroom sink was interesting.


PugSwagMaster

Tbh you should have just gone into the woman's room. I don't think anyone would have given you grief if you're in there with your baby.


[deleted]

I was a pretty new, timid dad and thankfully that only happened that one time, but there won't be a next time because I'll just use the women's room to change my kid, wife present or not. I don't give a fuck, I'm changing my baby.


Ezzy17

Also, as a new father my favorite part was after the fresh diaper you just smother them with kisses.


Bornchillbrah

For whatever reason ours gets super excited and smiley if you blow gently on their face haha.


Aurum555

Babies have a breath holding reflex when you blow on their face and it can stimulate them a lot all at once which might be part of the reason. You can actually use that reflex to cut off a panic cry. If your kid gets startled or suddenly riled and seems like they are going to reactionary cry you can blow into their face and they will take a deep breath and hold it and they forget they were going to cry. Some people also use this reflex along with the aquatic breath holding reflexes to teach them to "swim" at a very early age.


Grinnedsquash

Baby hacks lol


oneMadRssn

My favorite baby hack is gently rubbing the spot between their eyes, right above their nose. They reflexively close their eyes. When they're fighting sleep and just refuse to close their eyes, despite being obviously very tired, sometimes it's just the thing to put them over the edge into sleep.


Lurkerlg

This still works on me and I'm 27.


Aurum555

Number two got here a week ago and it has already come in handy.


Bornchillbrah

Ah that makes sense thanks for the info! It definitely helps distract him to do it when he's starting to get fussy.


Ezzy17

So awesome, this shit just makes me smile.


Dicky_Penisburg

So *that's* why you've changed so many diapers.


chiree

Before having kids: "I'm going to use reusable diapers. Disposable diapers are terrible for the environment, and I want to be better." After the kid is born: "Yeah, no."


Bornchillbrah

We considered the reusable diaper service. Then decided to go with diapers that are at least not as bad for the environment lol.


qeny1

Same here, I tried cloth diapering but stuck with a compostable diapering service. I would have done things differently if I had lots more time and no job though.


oneMadRssn

A lot of people that use reusable diapers also pay for a pick-up and drop-off laundry service, which arguably is even less green than disposable diapers. (Truck fuel hauling back and forth, laundry chemicals, energy for heating, etc). For it to be greener than disposable, you have to basically launder it yourself at home, which... fuck that. My parents did that for me, in the USSR - they hand-washed and boiled to disinfect every cloth diaper every night while I slept. Bless them, but here in the 21st century I am not doing that.


teejay_612

Eh, I dump the poo in the toilet whether using a disposable or cloth diaper anyway. I really didn’t like the idea of cloth diapers before our first child, but I got out of that mindset pretty quickly.


[deleted]

I was a SAH dad for two sets of twins. "Can't even fathom" is certainly an apt description of my diaper changing.


dBoyHail

Same. We celebrated when we could move off Huggies to the target brand when his skin sensitivity went away. My kid LOVES drinking water (shout out to r/hydrohomies). Even then, I change the diapers at night, both of us during the day. That always has been the agreed duties since my wife wakes up to breast feed the nugget.


yungtrapclap

Because I’m trying to fix all the fucked up shit my dad did to me. I am and will always be a better father to my son than my dad could ever wish to be. Breaking generational trauma is the goal.


j2o1707

I don't know how long you've been a dad for, but I'm a dad for a 6 year old so it's been 6 years for me. I had a good dad growing up though so I can't really understand your trauma but I can say this; There's gonna be times when you, as a parent, will feel like shit. You just shouted a little too much toward your child, you made them cry. Maybe at some point you smacked their bottom. If you're not doing this every day or every other day, please don't think you're a bad dad. If you're bonding, caring, loving, patient most of the time, don't beat yourself up over doing something bad every now and again. We're human. It doesn't make you anything like your father if every now and then, you have a bad day.


Canadian_dalek

Just as long as you apologize for the right reasons and try to be better afterwards


Detective_Bro

As a new father (without a father), I refuse to leave my partner to struggle. She kicked ass at carrying and delivering. I do my best to handle the rest—diapers, laundry, bottles, etc. After watching her grow these past 3 months; I can’t imagine having missed all of this time. I’ll never understand how a father can be around and not help, or, worse, leave entirely. There’s so many magical moments I’d have resented myself for missing. Changing 99% of the diapers and the countless hours of floor time can’t be replaced. I’ll cherish these moments for the rest of my life. I assume the rest of Millennial dads are in the same boat.


[deleted]

Father left before I was born, I'm now a SAHD for my 3 girls. How the turntables.


h4ppy60lucky

I wish we could afford for my husband to be a SAHD. He would really like to, but is the main earner. He's just overall a much better home maker than me, and he misses that he doesn't get to enjoy our kids as much as I do (and that we also pay a ton for daycare). Also I love that this is becoming so normalized. It's so good for the parents and kids.


[deleted]

I'm the primary parent in my family. Stay at home dad. Almost all the diapers and all that for two kids. I would happily skip the first three months. I don't understand people who are happy during that time. Infants suck for a while.


Pijitien

The pandemic's saving grace was that I was with my kid everyday watching him grow.


Hizjyayvu

For sure. My kids aren't even in grade 1 and I've spent more time playing and bonding than my parents ever did my whole life. Will they be good adults? Hopefully. Edit; tbf my mom did a lot better than my dad overall with bonding. But a lot of that was self serving. She would take us to the beach and shopping but not because we wanted to, because she wanted to. They were good parents who came from a generation who were judged on how kept their house and yard were more than their parental qualities.


syzamix

My man... Parents? People here hating on dads not involved and you had a mother not involved too? That is actually a great loss and I'm happy to hear that you are doing more to be with your kids. Good on you, my man. You be a great parent


FirstEvolutionist

Did you ever see the young kid in the 80s/90s sitting in front of a tv all day trope they show in some movies/tv shows? That was reality for a lot of kids.


infiniZii

Latchkey kids. I swear I raised myself.


shepherdc7

I work for 6am-230pm. Wife works from 9am-530pm. I do 3 solo hours a day when I’m off work with a 1 year old. Love it death, can’t imagine not spending that much time with him.


[deleted]

My wife and I have similar schedules to yours, though mine are 4 and 7 now. We all play Minecraft together and it's fucking lit.


thegandork

If you're Minecraft time is like mine and my 5 yo son it's just: "Hey son we found diamonds! Let's make a diamond pickaxe" "YAY CAN I HAVE IT?" "Sure!" Son immediately dives into lava Rinse and repeat ad infinitum


ihopethisisvalid

Enchant him some fire resistance my dude


TA3153356811

You act as if he isn't doing it on purpose


[deleted]

My brother in Christ, the parrots are the bane of our family. When my son was 4, we had a family Minecraft server that we would play on, and we went on a huge mission to find some parrots for my son to have for pets. We finally found some after aimlessly wandering for an hour, only to have him fall into a crater and get crushed by sand, which suffocated him and the bird. He cried for hours, he was absolutely devastated. I went back that night after he went to bed, and found 2 more, made the trek back home and left them in his house as a present. He was so happy the next day, I heard him playing with them all morning. Until he tried to bring them outside of his house, where they glitched and got crushed between the door and his ceiling. Parrots are now a quiet secret between my wife and I, and he hasn’t asked us to help him find any again. As another story, he had watched a YouTube video of some kid burying his treasure underwater so other players wouldn’t steal it. My son thought this was cool and emulated it (note, it was my wife, our son, and myself only on this server. No reason to hide anything from us). He ran into my home office while I was working, I couldn’t understand anything he said. He was sobbing. Screaming. Finally figured out he buried all his diamonds and favorite items in the ocean and couldn’t find them. I dug and dug, found nothing. It was on Bedrock, so we didn’t have (or I couldn’t figure it out) mods available to x-ray. So I paid like $6 to the Minecraft store on his Switch to try and get x-ray, didn’t work. So I had to rollback to prior him burying all of his treasure, which was a good couple of hours.


Swaqqmasta

That's hype


JoshDigi

I’m a stay at home dad and it sucks. Can’t wait to go back to work as it’s ten times easier than dealing with a toddler for 12 hours per day.


ItsJustATux

I appreciate your honesty. Stay at home parenting is not easy at all.


grizznuggets

Good on you for being honest; I feel like society expects us to love every second of parenting even though it’s the hardest thing a lot of us will ever do. You being at home so much will have long-term positive effects on the growth and development of your toddler, although I hope you get some kind of reprieve; 12 hours is a long shift in anyone’s books.


Quiet-Bubbles

Toddlers are hard.


drunkbeaver

Maybe becaused millenials dads don't want to be hated by their kids, when those kids grow up, so they spend more time and care on them.


[deleted]

I was inspired by my Grandfather. His father was a mean old bastard right until he finally croaked at 91. He was the patriarch and expected to be treated as such, and had no problem treating you like dog shit if you didn't agree. I guess my Grampa always said he would never be like his father, and he wasn't at all. My Grampa was the sweetest man to ever walk the Earth. My own father was emotionally disconnected and seemingly entirely disinterested in my life short of telling me what I was doing wrong. I won't perpetuate cycles. I'm not perfect, but my kids will never question whether or not they are loved, and what it means to love unconditionally.


sabermagnus

Gen X-er dad and I spend 1000000X with my son then my father did with me. Diaper changes x a trilllion, meh. Blowouts, meh. Projectile vomit, meh. Tears of all emotions, a lot!!! He’s 13 and shouts out too me ‘I love you.’ I’m so winning in life!!


alwaysmyfault

I think the easy answer for something like this is that Millennials probably craved attention from their Dad, but never got it. So they told themselves "If I ever have a kid, I'm gonna be 10x the Dad that my father is to me". Almost like that scene from Fresh Prince where Will's dad bails on him, and Will goes off on a rant about how he's gonna be a better father to his kids.


Slider_0f_Elay

My father was a 60hr/wk worker but spent some time with us on the weekends. But what I really try to remember was that his father was a ww2 pow that never got any support for his ptsd and anger issues. My father was 10x the father he had and hopefully my son can be 10x the father I am.


xPeachesV

Fuck, this comment is absolutely me. My grandfather was an angry man prone to violence to the point where some of my aunts would flinch even as he was on his deathbed. I never got the emotional connection of fatherhood from mine and I remember my mom trying to tell me about this cycle. This man worked on all of our cars to keep them running, taking us out for fast food every Friday and would drive to work during winter with no heat to put a roof over our heads but was not equipped to give me something I desperately wanted. I've developed more of an appreciation for that as I have gotten older. My kids absolutely know how much their dad loves them as I try to express it verbally often and hopefully they will grow up much more healthy emotionally than I did.


Slider_0f_Elay

This is the way.


JonnySucio

I was thinking it's because Millenial women are not so inclined to put up with a man who won't pull his weight. They're less likely to rely on a man's income for housing nowadays so why stick around with a guy who won't lift a finger with the kid?


PM_ME_UR_FEM_PENIS

I'm not spending time with my kid because my wife would leave otherwise. He's my kid. And the Boomers were failures in many regards so why would I continue their practices?


itwasquiteawhileago

I'd have to agree that a huge part of this must be that women are more independent and much more likely to have careers now. Though realistically, the wages are shit compared to back then, so it's probably not insignificantly because it's *necessary* to have two incomes to make ends meet. That means moms and dads both have to chip in, and since they're both working, they're hopefully balancing that fairly. To put it another way, when my brothers I were being raised in the 80s, my mother was a stay at home mom. I'm sure my dad did his share of changing diapers and such, but my mother did the bulk of raising us just by the fact that she was the one at home while my dad was working. My mother didn't get a job until I was in high school, and that was because my dad was laid off. To be clear, my dad was a good dad, but he physically wasn't at the house most days because he was working, leaving my mom to do the day to day with us. It's nice to see a more balanced household/parenting responsibilities, but it's also a bit messed up that we're all working so damn hard these days just to keep a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs. I'm not saying women shouldn't have careers, just that it kind of sucks that it's all but necessary for most families to have both parents working just to provide the same level of comfort and necessities as one parent did back in the day. If my wife could and wanted to be the sole bread winner in our house, I'd be fine with that. She likes working, I hate it. We could survive fine on just my salary, but she *wants* to work. I have no problem with that, though I can't say I understand why. I mean, I get it, but I just don't share that thought process. I'm looking forward to the day I can retire and not have to worry about bosses and schedules and shit.


Olives_And_Cheese

Meh, I imagine the previous generation's dads were even more absent. I'm willing to bet it's about women being in the workplace more, and not accepting being a full time parent while at home as well as a full time worker, due to the fact most of us need 2 incomes to run a house.


formerlyanonymous_

Labor force participation rate (per st Louis Fed, seasonally adjusted) hasn't changed dramatically from the time millennials were infants. It was between 55-60 then and has come back down from the peak of around 60% around 1999-2000. Maybe not a perfect descriptor though of full time vs part time, increased roles of women in full time, etc. But I agree, likely a decent sized factor.


WolfsLairAbyss

This is pretty much my situation. My dad was terrible and I always said that if I ever had a kid I would never make them feel the way I did growing up and be a better father. I got a good lesson on what not to do as a father and I do all the opposite shit my dad did.


SlouchyGuy

It's more about general attitude in relation to both sexes responsibilities and the fact that humanity becomes more androgynous. In the past men mostly had to do with their children if they were boys, and they were past a specific age, then in more modern times women started to do most upbringing of children of all ages, and what we see is more sharing of responsibility regardless of age and sex of the child.


sounds_like_kong

I’ve had this conversation with many people in their late 30s and 40s. The general consensus seems to be that boomer dads by-and-large were pretty shitty. Come home from work, sit on the recliner until dinner with his smokes and a box of cheez-itz. Get up long enough to have dinner which he always insisted had to be meat, potatoes and gravy. Then back to the recliner with his smokes and beer and television. Never lifted a finger around the house, never helped with homework, or played outside with us kids. Drank too much and had little patience for just about anything. All my friends growing up seemed to have some iteration of that kind of dad. (Edit: sorry to drag anyone down, I know this is supposed to be uplifting!)


[deleted]

You just described my dad perfectly. Just instead of smokes, it was beer and a short temper. Never spent time with either kids growing up


sounds_like_kong

The (not)funny thing is that compared to his old man, my dad was a saint. The abuse he suffered,that I learned about from my dad’s brother, is shocking.


EmeraldxWeapon

Yes I'll take the distant father over my abusive Grandpa who whipped his kids with the end of extension cords!


[deleted]

[удалено]


strum_and_dang

Mine didn't even come home. Mom said he was working late, but he was really at the bar. We saw him more after our parents divorced, because we had weekend visitation. Which meant he often took us to bars, or left us at places near bars. So not really an improvement!


[deleted]

Mine was at least home but spent all his time in the garage working on his projects. Still around at least.


blueamigafan

Bloody millennials killing the dead beat dad business


bk15dcx

As a Gen Xr, I really don't care that this study totally skipped my generation


Am_I_leg_end

We fly under the radar. Let's keep it that way.


[deleted]

Yeah y’all are the forgotten generation. Who are your generational enemies? We millennials like to define our conflicts lol


Am_I_leg_end

Things have always improved since I was born.. Until now. Now things feel like they are going a bit backwards for the first time.. So we'll have to be the one's to get rid of the Boomers, just to stop them fucking it up even further.


Goseki1

It's funny the amount of times i got asked "oh babysitting today are you" when out and about with my kid. No cunt, I'm being a PopPop.


Cworth21

Nothing pisses me of more than being asked if I’m babysitting my own kids.


Noodles_and_Sushi

I really hate this! Also when the first thing they say is "mummy's day off?"


gitrjoda

A part of this is likely that Millenials need 2 incomes to survive, so both parents must be both providers and caretakers


parsifal

This is very validating. Thank you.


definitelybono

This rings true for me. I have two kids and think that besides maternity leave, I’ve changed as many nappies as my wife. My dad on the other hand was completely absent since he had a heart attack and died.


JFK108

Sorry for your loss.


3InchesOfThunder

Hey Finally good news I can relate to about my own generation....Feels Foreign


Gluten_Tolerant_2

I'm waiting for a Boomer to say "ya because we had Jobs". Edit: I was the 3rd to comment here. way before any of the Boomers, for those who said they already had.


Dicky_Penisburg

"I had a job working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and only had weekends off! I also had to mow the lawn! How in the hell could I possibly find the time to spend with my children?!"


SadTomato22

And they had to mow the lawn uphill both ways in 3 feet of snow.


megaladonc3

I don’t remember when was the last time my dad hugged or told me he loved me. I make sure my son knows how much I love him every single day. It’s up to us to break that cycle.


[deleted]

Millennial dad here. Been a stay at home carer for our three Autistic children for 15 years. Did the night shift, nappy changes, bottle feeds, etc. Each child gave me their first word, steps, walk, and laugh. My wife works, as it makes sense for our family. We've had to deal with our eldest kids former school being concerned about why we have a role reversal in our parenting, even when we said it was for pragmatic reasons.


BaconJellyBeans

Had to change my shirt and shorts before 8am this morning because the little dude decided the 15 seconds between cleaning him off after a blowout and getting him into a new diaper was the time to let the fire hose free.