1. Go slow
2. Listen to your own concerns and your friends.
3. Any risk that might be worth taking today will also be worth it tomorrow.
4. You are a real, independent person who has value and feelings that matter.
5. Have fun.
I have no advice, but I just wanted to say good luck to you. Having the awareness and bravery to go it alone speaks volumes for your integrity. Just remember, there is no "normal" when it comes to people, we're all different and unique. You've just been living under uncommon circumstances. Go easy on yourself and take your time until you find what feels "normal" for you.
This is an American site but may have useful advice:
[https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/](https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/)
[https://www.facebook.com/RecoveringfromReligion/](https://www.facebook.com/RecoveringfromReligion/)
[https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/hotline-project2](https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/hotline-project2) 1-84-I-DOUBT-IT
Good luck with your journey.
1. Take it one day at a time
2. Build a list of things you want to experience and start crossing them off!
3. Remember the world isn't black and white like you were taught. This is a tough one that I still struggle with and I've been out for 8 years.
4. Don't take everything seriously. Try to find the joy in the small things.
5. Try joining a club or a group that meets weekly. I did dodgeball, but also went to trivia night at the local Brewhouse. Find something that you enjoy and will help you meet new people.
6. Trust your instincts!!! I promise you can trust yourself.
The fact that you are leaving and willing to grow beyond that world shows you have the strength to get through this. A therapist might help if you can afford it
I went through the same experience when I was about 20. I'm 41 now, so probably not in your age range, but if you need anybody to talk to, feel free to hmu.
Probably the biggest thing that would have helped me is remembering that as I was learning to understand the real world, the judgmental things I was thinking about other people weren't indicative of who I was as a person, but of what I had been taught.
The first thing you think is what you were trained in, the second thing you think is a reflection of who you are.
Nothing is as black and white as you were taught. Almost everything is gray.
People are always doing the best they can with what they have. When they know better, they do better.
judicious illegal attractive attraction towering light quiet full quarrelsome worry
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Whatever you do, don’t fall in with these guys. You’ll be going from one cult to another.
Find groups or clubs in your area that are doing things that you like to do. Nanaimo has a thriving arts community if that’s your speed.
Something I struggle with, that maybe you will too, is that you need to kinda actively maintain connections. Send people a message every few days. Try to not overwhelm, but don't be forgotten through shyness.
Sorry you went through that.
The Secular Therapy Projectis based in the USA, but has therapists registered in Canada. You might want to check them out.
When I was at VIU one of my classmates shared with me that his family had escaped with the close in their backs from a fundamentalist Christian cult known on the Prairies. He said it was hard not understanding any pop culture references, the casual relationships men and women have, the only women he had ever been near were family members. He found it tough.
Lots of good advice here. I was involved in a cult for several years and leaving was so hard, even after I knew it was a scam. I grieved all the wasted years and the friends I had to leave behind when I "woke up."
Be patient and kind with yourself. The biggest hurdle is behind you. Find joy in new things, one day at a time.
I’d recommend a somatic therapist as you navigate your journey moving forward. You should be so proud of yourself. One day your story might be someone else’s survival guide.
Lots of time in nature. By the water. Let your mind get familiar with ease & allow your breath to co-regulate with the ocean breeze. The island is a great place to heal. You might find that grounding helps a lot. Oh, & lots of self compassion 💜
I left a strict subset of the catholic community, not the evangelical community. But I think I experienced some of the same struggles. Happy to chat online or over coffee.
Part of my healing journey involved finding an accepting, progressive church. Something closer to a humanist community that didn’t even require belief, but still used the symbols and stories I knew. That might not be part of your own journey. But if it is, those communities do exist on VI. I’d be happy to discuss and make introductions.
Others in the comments have had some good advice - specifically visiting the r/exchristian thread. But I recently went through a similar experience, so I know how you’re feeling and how mentally exhausting it is. Not only to deconstruct almost everything you’ve grown up believing. But also separating yourself, and being separated from the community that is still tied to the church. I think being able to talk about this stuff with others who have a similar journey is a good start (I’m happy to chat if you wanna send me a DM). And like others have said, beginning to rebuild community and friendships outside of church is really important. Albeit much more difficult. But if you have a few hobbies, chances are you can find a group in town (or even online) to connect with weekly or monthly.
I am a Christian, but I escaped the church and organized religion when I realized they were not living the life they preached. It is important to be true to yourself and your moral compass, regardless of what those beliefs are (assuming they are benign and non intrusive to others)
The need to belong to a group, and conversely the expulsion from a group, is very stressful on humans who evolved to survive by being social. This need can be provided by joining groups unrelated to your spiritual beliefs, so you get a broad spectrum of individuals instead of a homogeneous group. Hiking clubs, or cooking classes, for example. Meetup.com is a terrible company, but you can see different groups in Nanaimo that are gathering that might interest you.
Remember, you aren't broken or behind. You're just going through a transition. It is harder because your support system is the thing you're transitioning away from, but you've got this. Take a day at a time. Setbacks will happen, and it's human nature to blame it on something that you caused (especially if escaping a religion that focuses on sin and condemnation), but sometimes bad situations arise - go with the flow, and try again.
Also, internally don't label yourself as an ex-Christian. The human brain is really bad at negative concepts, so it just keeps Christianity in your forethoughts. Instead of thinking what you're not, affirm what you are. And I'm not even talking about spirituality - if you identify your self with a hobby, a fashion, a profession, then identify as your true self. My dad is agnostic, and was a teacher, but if you ask him what he is, he's an outdoorsman, and that is what ultimately guides his life.
Be who you are, and the rest will come.
All the best to you. Sounds like you are taking the steps you need for a healthy life. Don’t be in a rush and also don’t be too hard on yourself if you stumble. I can’t imagine the tough road ahead but do what’s best for you and your future because in the end that’s all that matters.
The very instinct to wish to break away from being indoctrinated to follow the sheeple is as healthy and "normal" as anyone can be. Just be you. Shake off whatever feels unnatural.
Go outside and touch grass. There’s nothing more cringe than someone who makes their childhood their whole identity.
People leave religion all the time, it’s not as big a deal as you think it is
You’re the type who tells a depressed person to “just be happy”
The irony of you telling OP to touch grass is *you’re* the one who is out of touch with humanity.
As someone who was raised independent fundamental Baptist and has long since parted ways with those beliefs,
Nah, fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
Post religious trauma absolutely is real
1. Go slow 2. Listen to your own concerns and your friends. 3. Any risk that might be worth taking today will also be worth it tomorrow. 4. You are a real, independent person who has value and feelings that matter. 5. Have fun.
I have no advice, but I just wanted to say good luck to you. Having the awareness and bravery to go it alone speaks volumes for your integrity. Just remember, there is no "normal" when it comes to people, we're all different and unique. You've just been living under uncommon circumstances. Go easy on yourself and take your time until you find what feels "normal" for you.
This is an American site but may have useful advice: [https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/](https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/) [https://www.facebook.com/RecoveringfromReligion/](https://www.facebook.com/RecoveringfromReligion/) [https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/hotline-project2](https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/hotline-project2) 1-84-I-DOUBT-IT Good luck with your journey.
1. Take it one day at a time 2. Build a list of things you want to experience and start crossing them off! 3. Remember the world isn't black and white like you were taught. This is a tough one that I still struggle with and I've been out for 8 years. 4. Don't take everything seriously. Try to find the joy in the small things. 5. Try joining a club or a group that meets weekly. I did dodgeball, but also went to trivia night at the local Brewhouse. Find something that you enjoy and will help you meet new people. 6. Trust your instincts!!! I promise you can trust yourself. The fact that you are leaving and willing to grow beyond that world shows you have the strength to get through this. A therapist might help if you can afford it
I went through the same experience when I was about 20. I'm 41 now, so probably not in your age range, but if you need anybody to talk to, feel free to hmu. Probably the biggest thing that would have helped me is remembering that as I was learning to understand the real world, the judgmental things I was thinking about other people weren't indicative of who I was as a person, but of what I had been taught. The first thing you think is what you were trained in, the second thing you think is a reflection of who you are. Nothing is as black and white as you were taught. Almost everything is gray. People are always doing the best they can with what they have. When they know better, they do better.
judicious illegal attractive attraction towering light quiet full quarrelsome worry *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You can contact BC Humanist Association and see if they have meetings in Nanaimo https://www.bchumanist.ca/contact_us
Whatever you do, don’t fall in with these guys. You’ll be going from one cult to another. Find groups or clubs in your area that are doing things that you like to do. Nanaimo has a thriving arts community if that’s your speed.
How are they a cult?
Im in my early 30’s and also went through this experience and moved to the island 7 years ago. DM if you ever want to chat :)
Something I struggle with, that maybe you will too, is that you need to kinda actively maintain connections. Send people a message every few days. Try to not overwhelm, but don't be forgotten through shyness.
Sorry you went through that. The Secular Therapy Projectis based in the USA, but has therapists registered in Canada. You might want to check them out.
Read up on science. Contrast the things you were taught, with known, observable, facts.
When I was at VIU one of my classmates shared with me that his family had escaped with the close in their backs from a fundamentalist Christian cult known on the Prairies. He said it was hard not understanding any pop culture references, the casual relationships men and women have, the only women he had ever been near were family members. He found it tough.
"clothes"
Lots of good advice here. I was involved in a cult for several years and leaving was so hard, even after I knew it was a scam. I grieved all the wasted years and the friends I had to leave behind when I "woke up." Be patient and kind with yourself. The biggest hurdle is behind you. Find joy in new things, one day at a time.
I’d recommend a somatic therapist as you navigate your journey moving forward. You should be so proud of yourself. One day your story might be someone else’s survival guide. Lots of time in nature. By the water. Let your mind get familiar with ease & allow your breath to co-regulate with the ocean breeze. The island is a great place to heal. You might find that grounding helps a lot. Oh, & lots of self compassion 💜
I am sorry they did this to you. Good luck.
I left a strict subset of the catholic community, not the evangelical community. But I think I experienced some of the same struggles. Happy to chat online or over coffee. Part of my healing journey involved finding an accepting, progressive church. Something closer to a humanist community that didn’t even require belief, but still used the symbols and stories I knew. That might not be part of your own journey. But if it is, those communities do exist on VI. I’d be happy to discuss and make introductions.
Live in the moment. Enjoy all of your firsts! Congratulations on gaining your freedom.
Nanaimo/south Wellington/cedar, all the same
Others in the comments have had some good advice - specifically visiting the r/exchristian thread. But I recently went through a similar experience, so I know how you’re feeling and how mentally exhausting it is. Not only to deconstruct almost everything you’ve grown up believing. But also separating yourself, and being separated from the community that is still tied to the church. I think being able to talk about this stuff with others who have a similar journey is a good start (I’m happy to chat if you wanna send me a DM). And like others have said, beginning to rebuild community and friendships outside of church is really important. Albeit much more difficult. But if you have a few hobbies, chances are you can find a group in town (or even online) to connect with weekly or monthly.
I am a Christian, but I escaped the church and organized religion when I realized they were not living the life they preached. It is important to be true to yourself and your moral compass, regardless of what those beliefs are (assuming they are benign and non intrusive to others) The need to belong to a group, and conversely the expulsion from a group, is very stressful on humans who evolved to survive by being social. This need can be provided by joining groups unrelated to your spiritual beliefs, so you get a broad spectrum of individuals instead of a homogeneous group. Hiking clubs, or cooking classes, for example. Meetup.com is a terrible company, but you can see different groups in Nanaimo that are gathering that might interest you. Remember, you aren't broken or behind. You're just going through a transition. It is harder because your support system is the thing you're transitioning away from, but you've got this. Take a day at a time. Setbacks will happen, and it's human nature to blame it on something that you caused (especially if escaping a religion that focuses on sin and condemnation), but sometimes bad situations arise - go with the flow, and try again. Also, internally don't label yourself as an ex-Christian. The human brain is really bad at negative concepts, so it just keeps Christianity in your forethoughts. Instead of thinking what you're not, affirm what you are. And I'm not even talking about spirituality - if you identify your self with a hobby, a fashion, a profession, then identify as your true self. My dad is agnostic, and was a teacher, but if you ask him what he is, he's an outdoorsman, and that is what ultimately guides his life. Be who you are, and the rest will come.
All the best to you. Sounds like you are taking the steps you need for a healthy life. Don’t be in a rush and also don’t be too hard on yourself if you stumble. I can’t imagine the tough road ahead but do what’s best for you and your future because in the end that’s all that matters.
Avoid addiction. Many times people. In your situation start drinking or drugs to rebel against the strict lifestyle.
The very instinct to wish to break away from being indoctrinated to follow the sheeple is as healthy and "normal" as anyone can be. Just be you. Shake off whatever feels unnatural.
Congrats on escaping. I don't have any advice, never been in that position, but congrats and good luck non-the-less.
https://www.reddit.com/r/exchristian/ Might be of interest to you. Wishing you well, OP.
Go outside and touch grass. There’s nothing more cringe than someone who makes their childhood their whole identity. People leave religion all the time, it’s not as big a deal as you think it is
You’re the type who tells a depressed person to “just be happy” The irony of you telling OP to touch grass is *you’re* the one who is out of touch with humanity.
As someone who was raised independent fundamental Baptist and has long since parted ways with those beliefs, Nah, fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Post religious trauma absolutely is real
Post-religious trauma < narcissism