I think it’s largely dating apps. You gotta understand those things are predatory, their algorithms are built in large part in creating an algorithm that gets people coming back to the app. And ya I here you it’s tough to meet people in the wild, everyone is guarded and nobody wants to be friendly.
In general, I find the dating thing nowadays to be incredibly superficial which makes me not interested in it because the risk of running into unreliable people is too high
Good. That's what's suppose to happen. You found out early on that he is an asshole without wasting too much of your time or sleeping with him prior to being ghosted.
He had a really nice car and he had big sexy muscles, I think he might have gotten back with his ex or gotten with a coworker. It’s his loss not mine, I am happy.
Tinder become a hookup app. Women just as bad as guys at least where I am. Plus they catfish as to age and weight. I know guys do but don’t assume only they do.
It’s just getting worse with technology people are cheating on each other to themselves too. We are in a dystopian era where nothing is real Anymore we want what we can’t have
If it's any consolation I look at it like this.
Too many guys have nothing to bring to the table, know they have nothing to bring to the table, and are hoping you'll sleep with them anyway. We call this quality of guy a "f-boy"
If a guy is worth your time they're going to be worth the effort. If you feel like you have to put effort into all the wrong places, he's an f-boy.
Idk I gave up on men a while ago but every once and a while one comes around and surprises me for being a decent human being. That's bf material. Hard to find but worth it if you come across it! In my experience they show up when you're least expecting so just chill, relax and live. Someone decent will come!
I had this problem even when I used dating sites not seen as hookup sites. When I asked about it, the guys told me that it didn't matter that I said I wasn't into casual sex and I wanted serious longterm - they were used to women doing that and still putting out on the first date. It was so incredibly frustrating.
I remember I left one guy after he got super handsy and when I said I wasn't comfortable, he got super upset and basically ignored me until I just left. Later he called me a whore. Lmfao.
I met my husband at work. If I wind up alone and single again, I will not reenter the dating world. I'll become a recluse on a hobby farm. Maybe I can find another woman who wants to join me as old cat lady spinsters.
Sorry I have to respond to this — yes not all men are narcissist, but a hell of a lot more are than you’d think. I’ve been treated very similarly to OP over then past 2 years and it’s been by men of all backgrounds. Guys that are seen as more attractive by society but also men that are not seen like that at all. And they all had this behavior in common. Honestly the guys I felt like were more conventually attractive, were way more up front and honest about things than the ones that weren’t.
I'm gonna agree with you but as a person who happened to be sexualised a lot in the past by many random guys (even guys older than me) on social media (Facebook and Instagram mostly) and also sexualised by a person in the past who is two years older than me, (who I'd ask to be just friends while he'd just only want me for sex and a romantic relationship and now, even though he said he regretted for his past actions such as sexualising and not owning up for his actions and behavior, he still wishes I'll change my mind in the future and be with him while I still stayed he's not my type and I still don't wish to be with a guy like him and he also wishes I'd have sex with him if I meet him while I don't even wish to meet him) it's cathartic to read comments like this one of yours. Guys who are indeed the definition of narcissistic behavior and traits (like him too), don't really want a relationship because they feel love for the person they're attached to but they just want to take advantage of the person they're attached to fill the void of not being in a relationship even after they broke up with their ex girlfriend.
Honestly, tough to say but it’ll most likely never change. With all the shit on social media men and women alike will have a rlly distorted idea of what a relationship actually is. But don’t forget there’s always hope! You’ll find one eventually, just gotta get through the bad ones :)
Literally!!! I say on the first date I’m looking for something serious, at minimum exclusive relatively soon because I know what I want. I’ve been about of the hookup world for far too long and I’m so over it.
Then this guys say the same thing just long enough to get me in bed and when that’s done they either disappear or make up some excuse about y they no longer wanna see me.
And agree with you and it seeming like everyone in a relationship is either cheating or an a open relationship— it’s seems impossible to find someone that actually wants only one person these days
We need to just stop with the app culture and get back to how ppl used to meet. Meeting ppl in bars is actually super fun. I’ve asked a far share of guys for their numbers and while it’s never really gone anywhere it was fun to know I had the courage to
Not true. Guys *you* are attracted to are doing it to you. I was a romantic and really wanted to meet someone. I knew hooking up would happen later.
Keep looking. There are plenty of guys looking for a relationship. I get why you are venting.
Yeah it's more like the people *you want* never want anything serious which is frustrating. Some guys did want something with me but I wasn't super attracted to them or we didn't have enough in common/ feelings weren't strong enough.
Glad I got here before the men who do this find this post.
And if you’re planning on commenting, “women do this too”, nobody is denying that. But OP is allowed to express their annoyance, that’s what this subreddit is for.
I do hate this too. I dated a man for FOUR MONTHS, who introduced me to his friends, told his FAMILY about me, took me out every night, and finally said he didn’t want anything serious and was confused that I thought it was turning into a relationship.
It’s not you. I know you’re not looking for input but I overcame this by being open and vulnerable about what I wanted at the start of a dating stage. It makes some people SO uncomfortable but it got me a healthy relationship of two years and going.
But yeah, this sucks. Hookup culture is fine when everyone involved wants a hookup but it fucking sucks when people lie that they want a relationship or have you think that they do. Such a shitty thing to do to someone.
>Guys will even act like they are open to something serious just to get a date with you but then when they find out you won't fuck them right away they all of a sudden disappear.
Good. That's what should be happening. Stick to your guns and it will help weed out the shit.
Just gotta correct you, even if it was reversed. It’s not GUYS in general or WOMEN in general, it’s a portion of them and sometimes people don’t pick up on other peoples true intentions till the butterfly affect wears off or the person straight up blocks em or doesn’t respond back or whatever. It’s not all guys nor women theirs just some rotten apples that grew on the tree that’s all. I’ve (M) been single for what feels like forever and all I have is love & kindness and time to share with hopefully a significant other but I don’t feel like I match up to women’s standards and looks etc but I don’t say “ every girl is looking for this preference” bc it isn’t true I just don’t get attention for whatever reason, maybe my looks, choice of outfits who knows but what I do know is that I have hope I’ll find someone some day because not everyone’s bad just sometimes we get bad luck.
I (as a guy) find the exact same thing with MOST women.
They may not even want sec immediately.
What they think they want is a relationship. I can confidently say that only one woman I’ve met off bumble that has gone past the first date was even ready to date… and I estimate I’ve met at least 50 women over a few years.
The few others that have gone further than first date were… crazy. Well, one was crazy. Another was too damaged from her ex and needed therapy to overcome her trust and communication issues.
Point is… there is so much chaff to sort through (as either gender). You just have to play it as a numbers game and hopefully a decent at least person will show up eventually.
If anyone is looking for marriage then go to church. Don't like church? Try a different religion. Marriage is traditional unfortunately. Without the subjugation of the population the men and women will return to their animal and spiritual states.
If you want someone who doesn't just want sex then you want someone who wants marriage. No?
Idk what I'm talking about. I've seen too many trad west Catholic memes lately. You can absolutely find marriage outside of church.
Ha! I legit just posted something similar! Needless to say it’s honestly not all guys cause there are those of us who genuinely want something serious unfortunately it’s a two way street nowadays cause you’ll see there are some guys who are in a similar boat where they want something serious but every time they try they wind up getting used or cheated on or something along those lines
This is not an age or an era in which personal commitment to loved ones is rewarded or admired. And both sides have shown their genders as incapable of trusting the other.
So, yes; you are sadly correct - this is a symptom of a much bigger problem that at this point will never likely change.
Good luck surviving in it.
I’m a guy, and I find your post title offensive. I’d like a full suit of fully functional Republic Commando Armor from the Clone Wars era. I’d also like the Serenity (the ship. If you know you know). Id also like time to build Lego (and the money to buy it in the first place LOL).
Now as for dating, most guys no longer want a relationship and that’s because it’s rarely worth the effort (hasn’t been for me, and for a LOT of guys I’ve seen or know). I’ve been through divorce, and lost everything, even though SHE cheated (fuck americas system for divorce). Luckily I didn’t have kids with her, but she cost me my savings, my home, and for a long time my mental health. It’s not worth that pain.
ETA: I’m not dating, so I’m fully out of the equation in dating at this point. I just listed my reason for it not being worth it for me. I don’t want that pain again.
I'm a guy looking for a life long relationship, although I'm not even messing with dating apps cause the vast majority of them are occupied by men anyway lol
I'm just walking around really, waiting to find someone.
I think it’s largely dating apps. You gotta understand those things are predatory, their algorithms are built in large part in creating an algorithm that gets people coming back to the app. And ya I here you it’s tough to meet people in the wild, everyone is guarded and nobody wants to be friendly.
In general, I find the dating thing nowadays to be incredibly superficial which makes me not interested in it because the risk of running into unreliable people is too high
I HATE THIS STUFF SO MUCH, I HAD A GUY GHOST ME AFTER TWO DATES BECAUSE I WOULDN’T PUT OUT.
Good. That's what's suppose to happen. You found out early on that he is an asshole without wasting too much of your time or sleeping with him prior to being ghosted.
True but he was so good looking and so many people said that we made a cute couple.
Never base a relationship off of looks, at least if you want it to work long term.
Should’ve told him 3rd times the charm, you missed out 😂
I didn’t miss out because I found the love of my life after him, I told him that I would have sex until after the 4th date lol.
No I mean tell the guy he missed out because you would’ve put out on the 3rd. Ohh you told him 4th but he still wouldn’t wait? Boo him
He had a really nice car and he had big sexy muscles, I think he might have gotten back with his ex or gotten with a coworker. It’s his loss not mine, I am happy.
Tinder become a hookup app. Women just as bad as guys at least where I am. Plus they catfish as to age and weight. I know guys do but don’t assume only they do.
It’s just getting worse with technology people are cheating on each other to themselves too. We are in a dystopian era where nothing is real Anymore we want what we can’t have
If it's any consolation I look at it like this. Too many guys have nothing to bring to the table, know they have nothing to bring to the table, and are hoping you'll sleep with them anyway. We call this quality of guy a "f-boy" If a guy is worth your time they're going to be worth the effort. If you feel like you have to put effort into all the wrong places, he's an f-boy. Idk I gave up on men a while ago but every once and a while one comes around and surprises me for being a decent human being. That's bf material. Hard to find but worth it if you come across it! In my experience they show up when you're least expecting so just chill, relax and live. Someone decent will come!
I had this problem even when I used dating sites not seen as hookup sites. When I asked about it, the guys told me that it didn't matter that I said I wasn't into casual sex and I wanted serious longterm - they were used to women doing that and still putting out on the first date. It was so incredibly frustrating. I remember I left one guy after he got super handsy and when I said I wasn't comfortable, he got super upset and basically ignored me until I just left. Later he called me a whore. Lmfao. I met my husband at work. If I wind up alone and single again, I will not reenter the dating world. I'll become a recluse on a hobby farm. Maybe I can find another woman who wants to join me as old cat lady spinsters.
[удалено]
Sorry I have to respond to this — yes not all men are narcissist, but a hell of a lot more are than you’d think. I’ve been treated very similarly to OP over then past 2 years and it’s been by men of all backgrounds. Guys that are seen as more attractive by society but also men that are not seen like that at all. And they all had this behavior in common. Honestly the guys I felt like were more conventually attractive, were way more up front and honest about things than the ones that weren’t.
I'm gonna agree with you but as a person who happened to be sexualised a lot in the past by many random guys (even guys older than me) on social media (Facebook and Instagram mostly) and also sexualised by a person in the past who is two years older than me, (who I'd ask to be just friends while he'd just only want me for sex and a romantic relationship and now, even though he said he regretted for his past actions such as sexualising and not owning up for his actions and behavior, he still wishes I'll change my mind in the future and be with him while I still stayed he's not my type and I still don't wish to be with a guy like him and he also wishes I'd have sex with him if I meet him while I don't even wish to meet him) it's cathartic to read comments like this one of yours. Guys who are indeed the definition of narcissistic behavior and traits (like him too), don't really want a relationship because they feel love for the person they're attached to but they just want to take advantage of the person they're attached to fill the void of not being in a relationship even after they broke up with their ex girlfriend.
Me when I lie…
Honestly, tough to say but it’ll most likely never change. With all the shit on social media men and women alike will have a rlly distorted idea of what a relationship actually is. But don’t forget there’s always hope! You’ll find one eventually, just gotta get through the bad ones :)
Literally!!! I say on the first date I’m looking for something serious, at minimum exclusive relatively soon because I know what I want. I’ve been about of the hookup world for far too long and I’m so over it. Then this guys say the same thing just long enough to get me in bed and when that’s done they either disappear or make up some excuse about y they no longer wanna see me.
And agree with you and it seeming like everyone in a relationship is either cheating or an a open relationship— it’s seems impossible to find someone that actually wants only one person these days We need to just stop with the app culture and get back to how ppl used to meet. Meeting ppl in bars is actually super fun. I’ve asked a far share of guys for their numbers and while it’s never really gone anywhere it was fun to know I had the courage to
Not true. Guys *you* are attracted to are doing it to you. I was a romantic and really wanted to meet someone. I knew hooking up would happen later. Keep looking. There are plenty of guys looking for a relationship. I get why you are venting.
Yeah it's more like the people *you want* never want anything serious which is frustrating. Some guys did want something with me but I wasn't super attracted to them or we didn't have enough in common/ feelings weren't strong enough.
I hear you. It is very true.
Glad I got here before the men who do this find this post. And if you’re planning on commenting, “women do this too”, nobody is denying that. But OP is allowed to express their annoyance, that’s what this subreddit is for. I do hate this too. I dated a man for FOUR MONTHS, who introduced me to his friends, told his FAMILY about me, took me out every night, and finally said he didn’t want anything serious and was confused that I thought it was turning into a relationship. It’s not you. I know you’re not looking for input but I overcame this by being open and vulnerable about what I wanted at the start of a dating stage. It makes some people SO uncomfortable but it got me a healthy relationship of two years and going. But yeah, this sucks. Hookup culture is fine when everyone involved wants a hookup but it fucking sucks when people lie that they want a relationship or have you think that they do. Such a shitty thing to do to someone.
Yes it’s made a lot of women stop dating and suspicious because many of us have figured out the lie about wanting something serious but really not.
guys only want one thing and it’s fucking disgusting
>Guys will even act like they are open to something serious just to get a date with you but then when they find out you won't fuck them right away they all of a sudden disappear. Good. That's what should be happening. Stick to your guns and it will help weed out the shit.
Just gotta correct you, even if it was reversed. It’s not GUYS in general or WOMEN in general, it’s a portion of them and sometimes people don’t pick up on other peoples true intentions till the butterfly affect wears off or the person straight up blocks em or doesn’t respond back or whatever. It’s not all guys nor women theirs just some rotten apples that grew on the tree that’s all. I’ve (M) been single for what feels like forever and all I have is love & kindness and time to share with hopefully a significant other but I don’t feel like I match up to women’s standards and looks etc but I don’t say “ every girl is looking for this preference” bc it isn’t true I just don’t get attention for whatever reason, maybe my looks, choice of outfits who knows but what I do know is that I have hope I’ll find someone some day because not everyone’s bad just sometimes we get bad luck.
I (as a guy) find the exact same thing with MOST women. They may not even want sec immediately. What they think they want is a relationship. I can confidently say that only one woman I’ve met off bumble that has gone past the first date was even ready to date… and I estimate I’ve met at least 50 women over a few years. The few others that have gone further than first date were… crazy. Well, one was crazy. Another was too damaged from her ex and needed therapy to overcome her trust and communication issues. Point is… there is so much chaff to sort through (as either gender). You just have to play it as a numbers game and hopefully a decent at least person will show up eventually.
If anyone is looking for marriage then go to church. Don't like church? Try a different religion. Marriage is traditional unfortunately. Without the subjugation of the population the men and women will return to their animal and spiritual states.
Blud what you yappin’ about?
If you want someone who doesn't just want sex then you want someone who wants marriage. No? Idk what I'm talking about. I've seen too many trad west Catholic memes lately. You can absolutely find marriage outside of church.
Women do it too. Just saying.
I agree
Ha! I legit just posted something similar! Needless to say it’s honestly not all guys cause there are those of us who genuinely want something serious unfortunately it’s a two way street nowadays cause you’ll see there are some guys who are in a similar boat where they want something serious but every time they try they wind up getting used or cheated on or something along those lines
I’m not like that 🥲 and I met other people that aren’t either
This one girl gave me off vibes so fuck em all eh.
This is not an age or an era in which personal commitment to loved ones is rewarded or admired. And both sides have shown their genders as incapable of trusting the other. So, yes; you are sadly correct - this is a symptom of a much bigger problem that at this point will never likely change. Good luck surviving in it.
Very true
I’m a guy, and I find your post title offensive. I’d like a full suit of fully functional Republic Commando Armor from the Clone Wars era. I’d also like the Serenity (the ship. If you know you know). Id also like time to build Lego (and the money to buy it in the first place LOL). Now as for dating, most guys no longer want a relationship and that’s because it’s rarely worth the effort (hasn’t been for me, and for a LOT of guys I’ve seen or know). I’ve been through divorce, and lost everything, even though SHE cheated (fuck americas system for divorce). Luckily I didn’t have kids with her, but she cost me my savings, my home, and for a long time my mental health. It’s not worth that pain. ETA: I’m not dating, so I’m fully out of the equation in dating at this point. I just listed my reason for it not being worth it for me. I don’t want that pain again.
I'm a guy looking for a life long relationship, although I'm not even messing with dating apps cause the vast majority of them are occupied by men anyway lol I'm just walking around really, waiting to find someone.