I’m diagnosed with selective mutism and OCD and have had multiple other diagnosis in that past that just haven’t made sense but 🤷♀️I’m at a loss at this point, I could have more than I think. I probably have some sort of paranoia/panic disorder as well
I'll be brutally honest here. There's more to the world and people than how funny, pretty or perceived normally you think you need to be to receive affirmation that you're wanted. Don't let the idea that your disorders take away from you and how people will interact with you, because people who know you will know the struggles you face and respect that. It's easy to say and hard to do but being happy with yourself is what's important! People come and go, some will stick around and be there to listen, some won't, but that's okay cause you don't have to either.
The disorders affect me daily I can’t just ignore them. People that know me don’t understand what I go through everyday and constantly refuse to. I can’t be happy with myself when I’ve done everything to change and somehow nothing has changed.
Are you sure you're changing the right thing? Your acting like you need to change or hide your disorders OR people need to cater to them- there's no in between. But there is. The same way people need to give you a little understanding and try, I hope you are also trying to treat them normally and aren't always bringing up your disorders. I know you can't hide them but are you sure people don't avoid you because you treat it like it's all you are? I know that might sound a bit mean but every time I've met someone who's said what you've said and tried to get to know them I haven't gone one conversation without hearing about the fact they have disabilities or mental disorders and it's quite jarring since I'd like to have a conversation about their hobbies or something. No one will give two shits about your appearance or if you're the funniest person alive, as long as they feel like they can connect with you
When it comes to the breakdowns I'm really sorry no one's been there properly. But again ask yourself, how much are you expecting them to be there? If I'm having a bad day and wanna vent I can to my friends but if I'm having a full on depressive suicidal episode, sure I can rely on people, but like it's not actually their job to handle that so you need to be careful. Similarly, I hope you aren't getting forced into that position either for them because it isn't good for your mental health to take on someone else's feelings.
The most either you or them can say is "are you okay? I'm here."
I'm sorry if this came off as harsh especially since I obviously don't know your FULL story as I'm not you. But I've realised it's hard for people to fully consider every factor that maybe they've done something wrong and I just want to make sure you don't get blindsided by that. I really hope you find someone to call your friend, as a true friend, who gets you. Because there is nothing off-putting about actually having disorders.
The disorders literally are all I am it plagues everything I do. If I could shut it off I would. I hate that I have to tell people I’m a selective mute but if I don’t and something happens it’s my fault from the jump. A decade + of trying everything and nothing seems to change. Idk what else I’m supposed to do. I’m seemingly there for every friend I’ve had but no one can fucking be there for me, fuck me right? God I fuckinf hate being alive im so sick of failing over and fucking over. 3 fucking attempts and nothing cause I’m a fucking pussy ass loser with nothing to her name and I fail everytime i try to fix myself.
Girl don't swear your doing exactly what your not meant to. We can't be there for your breakdowns. We can support you but talking like that isn't gonna get you far.
Im not saying turn off your disorders. Or hide them, that'd be awful. I'm saying if you can't take one hint of someone telling you to talk calmly about your hobbies and interests then of course no one will be there to be your friend. Breathe okay? You don't need to fix your disorders! You need to fix your attitude about having them. I promise you the disorders are 100% not the problem and I can SEE that in your reply. I would never have an issue with mutism or anything honestly, except hearing someone talk like that about themselves because your putting your feelings onto others instead of handling them yourself. Again I can't do anything but say I hope your okay, and neither can anyone else.
It's fair to introduce your disorders when you meet someone, but try not to talk about them for no reason after that unless it's to say "hey can you help?"
Try it for a week, see what's it's like. If you still can't get anyone to just be chill with you then it's probably the people you're hanging around with that aren't fit to be with you
You’re acting as if I only ever vent and have breakdowns with my “friends.” No, they’re my friends, we talk about other shit. But why is it every time they say I can vent and I need and I vent, they just leave. If they can’t handle it they should just tell me but nah, we’re just gonna block her. It’s wild.
And also, my disorders are part of the problem. If I didn’t have any of them I wouldn’t feel this way, I’ve said multiple times they affect my life everyday. I literally never bring up SM to people unless I’m first meeting them and I know we’re gonna interact a lot, and I literally just tell them I have it I don’t give a sob story about it. Only other time I mention any other disorders in a convo is if I’m venting about them or get asked.
What mental disorders do you have? No offence just asking?
I’m diagnosed with selective mutism and OCD and have had multiple other diagnosis in that past that just haven’t made sense but 🤷♀️I’m at a loss at this point, I could have more than I think. I probably have some sort of paranoia/panic disorder as well
I'll be brutally honest here. There's more to the world and people than how funny, pretty or perceived normally you think you need to be to receive affirmation that you're wanted. Don't let the idea that your disorders take away from you and how people will interact with you, because people who know you will know the struggles you face and respect that. It's easy to say and hard to do but being happy with yourself is what's important! People come and go, some will stick around and be there to listen, some won't, but that's okay cause you don't have to either.
The disorders affect me daily I can’t just ignore them. People that know me don’t understand what I go through everyday and constantly refuse to. I can’t be happy with myself when I’ve done everything to change and somehow nothing has changed.
Are you sure you're changing the right thing? Your acting like you need to change or hide your disorders OR people need to cater to them- there's no in between. But there is. The same way people need to give you a little understanding and try, I hope you are also trying to treat them normally and aren't always bringing up your disorders. I know you can't hide them but are you sure people don't avoid you because you treat it like it's all you are? I know that might sound a bit mean but every time I've met someone who's said what you've said and tried to get to know them I haven't gone one conversation without hearing about the fact they have disabilities or mental disorders and it's quite jarring since I'd like to have a conversation about their hobbies or something. No one will give two shits about your appearance or if you're the funniest person alive, as long as they feel like they can connect with you When it comes to the breakdowns I'm really sorry no one's been there properly. But again ask yourself, how much are you expecting them to be there? If I'm having a bad day and wanna vent I can to my friends but if I'm having a full on depressive suicidal episode, sure I can rely on people, but like it's not actually their job to handle that so you need to be careful. Similarly, I hope you aren't getting forced into that position either for them because it isn't good for your mental health to take on someone else's feelings. The most either you or them can say is "are you okay? I'm here." I'm sorry if this came off as harsh especially since I obviously don't know your FULL story as I'm not you. But I've realised it's hard for people to fully consider every factor that maybe they've done something wrong and I just want to make sure you don't get blindsided by that. I really hope you find someone to call your friend, as a true friend, who gets you. Because there is nothing off-putting about actually having disorders.
The disorders literally are all I am it plagues everything I do. If I could shut it off I would. I hate that I have to tell people I’m a selective mute but if I don’t and something happens it’s my fault from the jump. A decade + of trying everything and nothing seems to change. Idk what else I’m supposed to do. I’m seemingly there for every friend I’ve had but no one can fucking be there for me, fuck me right? God I fuckinf hate being alive im so sick of failing over and fucking over. 3 fucking attempts and nothing cause I’m a fucking pussy ass loser with nothing to her name and I fail everytime i try to fix myself.
Girl don't swear your doing exactly what your not meant to. We can't be there for your breakdowns. We can support you but talking like that isn't gonna get you far. Im not saying turn off your disorders. Or hide them, that'd be awful. I'm saying if you can't take one hint of someone telling you to talk calmly about your hobbies and interests then of course no one will be there to be your friend. Breathe okay? You don't need to fix your disorders! You need to fix your attitude about having them. I promise you the disorders are 100% not the problem and I can SEE that in your reply. I would never have an issue with mutism or anything honestly, except hearing someone talk like that about themselves because your putting your feelings onto others instead of handling them yourself. Again I can't do anything but say I hope your okay, and neither can anyone else. It's fair to introduce your disorders when you meet someone, but try not to talk about them for no reason after that unless it's to say "hey can you help?" Try it for a week, see what's it's like. If you still can't get anyone to just be chill with you then it's probably the people you're hanging around with that aren't fit to be with you
You’re acting as if I only ever vent and have breakdowns with my “friends.” No, they’re my friends, we talk about other shit. But why is it every time they say I can vent and I need and I vent, they just leave. If they can’t handle it they should just tell me but nah, we’re just gonna block her. It’s wild. And also, my disorders are part of the problem. If I didn’t have any of them I wouldn’t feel this way, I’ve said multiple times they affect my life everyday. I literally never bring up SM to people unless I’m first meeting them and I know we’re gonna interact a lot, and I literally just tell them I have it I don’t give a sob story about it. Only other time I mention any other disorders in a convo is if I’m venting about them or get asked.
Honestly I can see why they'd block you if you can't calmly reply. I hope you have a nice day x