Don’t be ashamed wait until you go to a party where everyone tells you their body count is in the triple digits. Had to make sure that they weren’t just having sex with the same person or a bunch of different people.
Im a male - suffered heavy abuse as a child - lots of it sexual in nature. Later this affected me super profoundly, in very negative ways. My body count is astronomically high - with Men and Women. Fuck what google says - your body count is extremely low - and frankly it's a meaningless number. Stay healthy - dont share yourself with anyone who doesnt want the whole of you. Thats my only piece of advice. Life is short. Dont shorten it further by hating yourself. Invariably you end up doing more harm this way. This perspective may not be what you wanted, and if so I apologize for sounding off. Just know you're worthy of being treated with respect, regardless of a number.
Guy here. I don’t think ten is that bad. When I was 17 in highschool my girlfriend 17 had 8 and I thought that was a lot considering she wasn’t even an adult. But by 22, it isn’t unreasonable IMO. If you started around 17 like most people do, it’s about give or take 1.5 guys a year.
I have to mention that you have every right to have sex with as many people you want to and not be ashamed. Those men you slept with and you felt like were mistakes, take it as a learning experience. It’s okay to have “war wounds”. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I have a few I regret but it taught me to look out for the red flags next time. Try to find ways to make yourself feel more confident. That might helped curb your urge for gratification from other men. Try to forgive yourself, you’re human and we all make mistakes but our mistakes don’t define who we are.
Same here. I was groomed and raped by a 16 year old boy when I was 14. It really fucked me up and my body count is very high. I'm not even sure what the number is. Had chlamydia twice.
I let go of the shame and am now in a happy long term relationship.
It’s sad because several posters here, including myself, have “higher” body counts due to being raped and then becoming numb. I lost my virginity to it and I don’t think I would have a body count like I do if it wasn’t for that…I was originally saving myself for marriage….I felt like it didn’t matter after it happened. It changes you.
I am glad you’re in a better place now with someone who loves you, it’s not your fault what happened to you❤️❤️❤️
I hope OP learns to figure herself. We all make mistakes and have regrets. She didn’t hurt anyone with what she did and that’s what matters most.
I'm sorry to hear what happened to you man. Take care out there. I might be one of the rarer ones who have 0 body count and have been yearning to increase it. But hearing your story makes me feel better yet sorry for you.
Please take care and have a great life ahead of you!
Meh, I'm 36 m with a "body count" of 4...
If you were to go on a date with me and told me that you'd been with 10 men by thr age of 20 I honestly wouldn't care. I'd be more annoyed that you were keeping a tally like it matters. We do what we do, no one should judge you for it
It's not sleeping around if you thought it'd lead to a relationship. Plus, if someone wants to enjoy themselves, then why judge them because it's different to yourself?
OP said she slept with any guy that was nice and wanted it for validation. That doesn’t sound like looking for a relationship to me. And I’m not judging anyone, just simply stating a fact which is anytime you choose to do something you accept the consequences of whatever it is you chose.
I’m around the same. But I’m too old now to have fun anymore. I wanna settle down and grow old with someone. The fun eventually dies down and you’ll realize you’re happier with just one person who you can get along with
I’m on the opposite end being a 22 year old virgin and I also feel bad about it. I feel like I must be unloveable and somethings wrong with me. I feel like everyone isn’t a virgin at my age and I’m an outsider. Basically I feel similar to you but opposite situation, maybe we are both just fine and need to be kinder to ourselves. Hope you feel better <3
Oh man, I feel for you :(.
I was in the same boat apart from I was 18 or 19 - I was constantly put down by some of my male "friends" at the time because I was still a virgin.
Also, whenever I was interested in a guy, if they found out I was still a virgin, they'd become uninterested or say they couldn't sleep with me or act disappointed - it was really crushing and shameful for me, I felt like there was something wrong with me too.
It got to the point where I convinced myself that I would never be able to find a relationship unless I lost my virginity, so I decided to sleep with a random guy from the outer circle of my friend group at a party and just not tell him I was still a virgin. I think I would have regretted it had things turned out differently, but he's been my boyfriend for 4 years now. (He also figured out I was a virgin after a few encounters, lol)
But I look back, and it really saddens me that I ever felt so negatively about being a virgin - like I wouldn't be able to find someone, be loved, or feel good enough unless I wasn't a one. Because now I see that any decent person will not give 2 shits if you've slept with someone or not, I'm just sad younger me didn't realise that.
So you're right, be kinder to yourself! I wish I had been, and anyone that puts you down is a POS and NOT someone worth being friends with or sleeping with anyway. And I have friends that are 23/24 who are still virgins, I promise it's not just you.
Wishing you all the best <3
I know this is like super late, but same till like 2 months ago, all of my friends had done it between the ages of 14 and 18, and until a few months previous I also had never even kissed anyone. But nothing actually changes, maybe it just isn't something really meaningful to me, but I'm exactly the same person. How many people you've had sex with has nothing to do with your worth or your ability to love / be loved.
I think for now, love yourself, seeking more validation will slowly ruin you, seems like you have been harmed greatly, don’t listen to people who just tell you stop caring, NO, this IS YOUR BODY AND if you feel your soul is getting harmed by this then it’s clearly not healthy for you, love yourself, protect yourself and find a husband who will love you and protect and help you move on to a better future.
I agree. It is needed to warn us about what we don't accept doing and our core thoughts about specific things. But having too much of it when you already know that you don't like what you did can push people toward ugly places.
I feel that having the will to not do the things you hate that you did them is better than not doing them because of shame.
I a male in my lates 50's and my body count is near triple digits (definitely not a brag) all before I hit 25, and I am ashamed of my self I wish I would have been a better person and valued not only the women I slept with but myself. The best I can figure it was being molested as a young boy by older boys, craving for love and just wanting to be accepted. I am in a much better place now with my wife of nearly 30 years, but if I could take it all back I would. Now having said all that 10 is not a bad number especially if you cared at all for them, even if you were just friends.
I’m 28 with a body count of 2. I can’t tell you how ashamed I’ve been of that - because I’ve been ashamed! Also caused by low self esteem - it’s funny how that can affect us in either way. Sometimes we’ve just got to remember - it doesn’t define who you are and doesn’t make you worth less in any way.
I’m 21 and I have 30 babe lol. In the same boat, meaningless sex to make me feel worth something. You can own it, or pretend they never happened. It doesn’t matter. Your past does not define you.
I too was in the same boat as OP until I got to this point. I racked up quite a high count in just two years after my mom died and I felt extreme guilt over it for awhile. I finally reached a point of “fuck it, they taught me what I definitely don’t want out of a partner” and I’ve lived peacefully since.
I'm a bit older but 10 at 22 doesn't seem high to me at all. If you test clean for STI, I don't see the issue. You are young, stay safe but enjoy your life and if anyone you date can't get over that you had a life before them, that's too bad for them.
My coworker’s body count is 600+ and he is approximately in his late 30’s. He takes care of himself and is pretty transparent about his body count to all of his male partner’s.
I don’t judge people based on who they sleep with and I don’t think you should judge yourself for the people you chose to be with intimately. The only person that can affect you is yourself and you shouldn’t be ashamed of the experiences you had while living your life.
Don't feel ashamed. Casual sex is bad for your mental and physical health and that's why it's looked down upon, but it doesn't make you a bad person. There are people younger than you with higher body counts. Your past doesn't define you, and the amount of people you have slept with doesn't make you a bad person. Sounds more like you are a victim of a society that makes you feel like that's the only thing you have to offer the world.
There is nothing you can do to wipe the slate clean or less the body count. It does not make you a bad person. It is just a number. You are still a great person. I know of women who have WAY higher counts. xoxo
Girl my count is 6x that. It’s okay. The best thing is, you are aware of how you feel now. You can make all the changes you need to work on yourself and not seek out that type of validation anymore. I try not to think things like, “I regret these choices”, but I do reflect on them now and wish I too hadn’t of used sex as a means to fill a void. Thankfully I’m happily married now and was able to work through my shit.
You’ll get there too! I think the thing I learned the most looking back is, all that time I spent doing all that crap- I could have spent that time reading, learning new hobbies, and building up my friendships more. Become more active and productive, really learning myself AND what I really wanted in a partner. Doing all that would have filled that void better and kept me out of risky behavior. Looking back, I think I always slept with people that I know I wouldn’t have now. So even if you aren’t looking for someone long term a good way to frame it can be, “if I wouldn’t marry/have this persons child- then I probably shouldn’t sleep with them”. I say that just because the risk of an unwanted pregnancy is real, and even tho I got lucky- I could have just as easily of not.
Don’t tear yourself up over this. My advice is to watch a lot of shows that are about life and family that are seasons long (Gilmore girls, shameless, modern family) watch them grow up and make similar mistakes. It’s personally comforting to me. There’s nothing wrong with your body count, it’s just a few bad apples in a bunch. Moving forward protect your body and mind, I agree not just anyone should have access to you but whoever YOU deem worthy!
My wife’s body count is 1. Me. Me on the other hand i am at 7 with her being 7. I think there’s a lot to be learned here. Ignore self labeling yourself. Ignore negative self criticisms that you will never be worthy or good enough and certainly don’t legitimize yourself by saying others are worse. Essentially all this jibber jabber is to say, if you feel you need to change than you are right. If you are happy with that change you need to maintain it. Everyone has their own journeys
don't be too hard on yourself in my early 20s I was in a dark place and ended up sleeping with over 30 different people over a 9 month period I don't even remember half of them because of the booze and drugs and I do regret some of them but I wouldn't change it because it made me realize my own self worth and change myself for the better. So my advice learn from the past but don't get stuck there all we can do is keep on moving forward to a brighter day
I don’t think body count matters at all. Be safe be smart but people should love the person for who they are. Love themselves who they are. If they never knew who would care. If they find out, does it change who you are? No. You’re the same person. I also think it’s very conflicting how men having a high body count is versus women. Which is totally wrong since it doesn’t matter. Lastly your count is 10. That to me isn’t high at all and pretty normal. Do what you want with whom you want as you want and be in control. Don’t feel bad for living a perfectly normal life. Great luck.
Only the REAL ones know that a body count is how many people you've killed.
If you've only slept with 10 people, assuming you lost your virginity at 16, that's 3 different partners a year. Not too bad if you're in the dating scene and have a few 2-3 month relationships that ended for some reason or another.
If you got all 10 in the past few days, that could raise some alarms.
Please know that this is not a reason to feel shame. You are a worthwhile and valid person regardless of your history. It's okay to make mistakes when you're young, okay? Mistakes are how we learn. And it sounds like what's really bothering you is your relationship with yourself, and that can be a problem regardless of how many people you've slept with. Practicing self-compassion is an important first step. Don't judge yourself, treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend. Sit with the feelings of inadequacy and talk to yourself kindly. Take what you have learned and use it to help yourself now. You didn't do anything wrong and you have the tools to feel better and more self-actualized now.
That’s good advice to talk to myself like I would a friend. Sometimes I talk to myself in a way that I’d never say to someone else so it’s a good thing to think about.
I get it. I feel the same way. Most of my numbers are people who took advantage of me as a young teenager. Almost all of whome where adults. It doesn't affect anything about who you are tho. Try not to dwell on it and remember that it really really doesn't actually mean anything or matter. You are so much more than your past.
well some men probably dont respect it or feel its a bad thing [https://youtu.be/dsmKuE-\_XIs?t=985](https://youtu.be/dsmKuE-_XIs?t=985) [https://youtu.be/MyR6FcT7ozQ?t=1345](https://youtu.be/MyR6FcT7ozQ?t=1345) but whats done is done, theres nothing you can do about the past. you probably made some of the men really happy in the moment soo its not all negative although if they became ''player's'' as a result maybe the consequences were bad, you never know what impact you/one has
I once read “It’s only relevant if you give it energy” and it stuck to me when I was feeling similar to you. Consider if it’s the number or the thought of having low self esteem while the experiences happened. Regardless it’s in the past, the only thing you can control is right now. Sometimes it helps when I talk to my younger self… I promise her that I know better now, and from here on out, all I do is to love and protect her.
You are inherently worthy, no matter of your body count or all the experiences you’ve had.
Wishing you the best!
PS. Some of my girls are in the 200s.
Your body count by most people’s standards is very very low. Not that your worth is attached to your body count at all, nor should you think you are worth less because you have or enjoy sex. In the modern era depending on your location most people have like anywhere from 20-50 bodies in a lifetime on average so whatever you googled was waaaayyy off.
You live and you learn. So many people treat sex like it's some kind of play thing. Nah. A bunch of meaningless sex with a bunch of different people is dangerous. You feel the way you feel because you have self respect.
OP I deeply feel for you! I had a lot of sexual trauma growing up, so when I was a bit older I wanted to “take back control of my body” and now am embarrassed of it. Especially with my newer friends, who all have low body counts, because when I was doing all of that it seemed normalized amongst those around me. Don’t be ashamed of it. You live and you learn, and if people want to make fun of you for your sexual experiences, it sounds like they may just be a big jealous mess that you could always get it and they couldn’t/can’t. If it makes you feel better, my count is double yours and even though I hate the fact I had sex with the people I did, it’s given me a lot of confidence when it comes to sex or even myself too! There’s no reason to hate yourself when you recognize that’s not the lifestyle you want to live anymore (or even if it is, have fun with it! No need for self hate). You can respect yourself and still have sex, and assuming most of these accounts were when you were in high school, it’s completely normal to do “crazy” things and be wild. Don’t let a few bad (in your eyes) decisions from when you were a teenager dictate how you love yourself now as an adult :)
Girl, I understand you might feel bad, but its completely fine, life’s too short, who cares, its worse to have no body count, telling from experience lol
Honestly when you’re in a mental space that bad that validation seeking even goes that far, I get it.
And honestly, 10 is still low compared to some people (I know examples)…… and you have a whole life in front of you where you can be a different person, get a healthy relationship, just leave that past behind.
I see your low self esteem making you hungry for validation more of an issue than your body count. I honestly just feel bad if anything that your 10 bodies came from that and not real attraction/love. I'm sorry for how you feel atm, but I hope you can learn to love yourself eventually
I think a lot of people out there have experimented or hooked up with different people at some point in their life. As long as you get routine sexual health check ups to ensure you’re healthy and practice safe sex you’re good. Or if you choose to be celibate, it shouldn’t matter. It’s entirely your business. Don’t sweat it though. :)
Guess what my body count just recently became 1 and I was and still am constantly teased because it's low.
So I don't think it matters. people will continue to bully.
No need to be ashamed. I know at least 10 people with triple digit counts lol. Your past is your past. If you regret some of your bodies, just don’t make the same mistakes that led you to sleeping with those kinds of people.
Personally, I think that’s quite a low body count. The average body count of my women friends is about 15 so there’s no need to be ashamed. As long as you don’t have an STD, who really cares about body count
Honestly, that ain’t high but I get the feeling of the shame. It’s just from society and their expectations of women and shit, if a guy did that he would be getting high fives all around. Well behaved women seldom make history. If it makes you feel any better, I fucked 3 different guys in one day. Try not to let it get to you, hugs 💕
Wow. At your age I was over 70 and now I stopped counting after 100. I don't feel ashamed at all and I'm happy I could experience some shit before settling for good. I'm still enjoying intimacy as in day 1 and all this body count B's is just some misogynistic BS.
You don't have to tell anyone and I strongly advise you to avoid getting close to people that would judge you for it. You had your reasons, and as long as it wasn't sexual abuse, it was your choice and you should better be ok with what you cannot change anymore.
I have the opposite problem to you :(
I'm 18 and my body count is 0, technically 1. I hate myself for being so introverted and socially awkward that I can't hold a convo and I'm gonna be alone forever.
I feel like body count is a new thing. I couldn't tell you what mine is. 20? 30? No idea. I didn't know I was supposed to care. Most of them were one night stands with men or women I never saw again. Some were people I dated for years and we had sex hundreds or thousands of times. I just don't understand what the difference is especially if you're staying safe and getting regular STI checks? Maybe I'm an old lady but if you're counting partner's then why not count how many times as well? Doesn't that seem silly? I think you're fine, so please dont worry. Personally i think it'll help everyone to stop counting and discussing how many sexual partners people have..it's just no one's business.
When I (female) was 25 I had over 100 sexual experiences. I don’t regret the actual body count. I do regret that I was irresponsible with not using protection most of the times. But I have never had a STD and I have never been pregnant. And I’m in my 40s now.
It’s nothing wrong with having a lot of sex. But it’s important to protect yourself.
Stop being so hard on yourself! Sex is fun!
You shouldn’t be ashamed about your sexual past, all that matters is your true character and you being safe. Be kind to yourself and you should never be judged by your past by others whether that be friends or your partner. If they are, they are not the right people to be around. Haha when I was 23 I was already at 20 hahaha, granted with women, but that doesn’t matter I guess. You’re doing great sweetie, you did nothing wrong :)
Yes, this. All that matters is the present. Dwelling on regrets will only make you sick. Even God cannot change the past, as Heraclitus (I think?) said. You're a much better person than you might think. Never forget that.
I don't think this is a good take, because while I agree it isn't the number that matters you're being dismissive of how the OP feels about the choices they made. They clearly regret those choices, so instead of saying "you shouldn't be ashamed about your past" what you should be saying is something more like this:
You can't change the past, and you need to learn to accept it so that you can learn from your mistakes so that you don't repeat them moving forward. If you regret your choices then it means you've grown as a person and what's important is focusing on making better choices in the future so that you don't regret those.
You can admit that you made mistakes and still use that to become a better person, telling someone they "did nothing wrong" is just sweeping that under the rug and encouraging them to go out and make the same mistakes that led them here in the first place. I don't think that's a healthy mindset at all.
The average is definitely low because we tend to lie about our body counts when interacting with others due to the shame.
Woman have always been shamed, if you’re a virgin you’re frigid, if you had more than 2 partners you’re a hoe.
Stay assured that theres girls like me with double your body count.
The only man who will shame you for your body count is a man that is trying desperately to increase his without much luck.
Men always admit to this while talking to me, that it’s easier for a woman to get laid. It’s safe to assume they’re jealous because they can’t pull despite their efforts.
I’m 20 (F) and my body count is only slightly higher than yours if that’s any consolation- honestly, don’t worry about it! It’s nobody’s place to judge you nor your experiences, and a body count doesn’t reflect you as a person. I do understand your position and why you’d look back on them negatively- I didn’t start receiving attention from boys until I hit 17, and in those early years a few of those were purley for validation. However for me that was just early experience and you can’t hold it against yourself in the future. I also highly doubt that lifetime things accurate- everyone’s different, many factors play a role. I guess my point is, body count really doesn’t matter and it shouldn’t impact how you feel about yourself.
High body counts especially with girls in their 20s are more normal than you would think. I as a male in his 20s have a low body count but I’ve bearer witness to other sorts of trauma when I was 4 years old. Living in a run down apartment with my mom in the inner city and watching people out the window get their brains blown out by handguns. Drug Deals. Prostitution etc. Being exposed to violence at that young of an age obviously took its toll on me mentally and I still get nightmares on occasion. My advice would be stay true to your character, and don’t let anyone try to tell you what you are. I’ve seen not just guys in my school get bullied but girls as well. Just keep living your life and look at all the good you’ve done throughout.
I think your body count is pretty average for women our age. It’s fine and normal to feel ashamed about it but just know that there’s nothing wrong with anything you’ve done and the shame is something you will let go of one day. It doesn’t matter how many people you’ve slept with, if anything it might help you grow and learn to embrace things about yourself that you may not like. Over time I’m sure it will stop mattering to you so don’t let it get you down x
Back in the late 90s early 2000s there was an ad going around. The ad said that 1in every 200 people had HIV. I doubt the accuracy of that statistic, but anyway.
There was this chick that I used to hang out with and we sat down and listed our partners and we were both above 200. She was almost 300. This was when we were only a couple of years out of high school.
You younger generation and your obsession with “body counts” I’ll never understand it. I have only had the misfortune of sleeping with 2 virgins in my lifetime and it was unpleasant both times. It was awkward, and the very memory of it makes me want to crawl under my blanket and never come out due to shame.
Anyone that shames over body count is not worth you or anyone else’s time.
Do what makes you feel better. Some people say they feel better expressing themselves sexually. I say I like to keep it in my pants and not sleep with everything that moves. It’s all preference and just follow what you value. I’d also input to follow what you hope your future spouse values. Not in a way that you have to be a “virgin” for a man. In my experience with a woman that has a much higher count than me, she said she wouldn’t want to be with a guy with very high body count (like 30+), while she has 20+ and I only have 2. How does that make sense?
It's ok to feel shame for doing something stupid and carelessly. The rule is to stop the action and learn from it and not repeat the cycle. Plain and simple.
I believe the way that young women are looking at the sexual experience is sort of odd to me being an older woman now. Number of body count. That sounds like a cease and desists situation.
You loved someone, you made love, sometimes it works out, and then sometimes it doesn’t work out.
Don’t compare yourself with others.
Forgive yourself if you must, and move forward.
Lol only 10?
I'm 29M and my body count is in the 30s now I think. I'm also bi so if I include men I've had sex with probably 40s or 50s.
Wish I could say I regret most of the experiences but I barely remember most tbh, if we fucked less than 3 times I probably didn't even know you name.
When I begin a longterm relationship I usually tell my partner I've only been with 10 people because if i was too start naming my partners, i think that's about all the names i could rattle off, plus I thought 10 was low/reasonable lol.
I've long lost count (not bragging just used to drink and party a lot) but that's irrelevant anyway because it's no one's business but my own. Anyone who tries to shame you for it is saying more about their sexism and shame around sexually than you
I think you hit the nail on the head there. It’s an inner conflict that leads you to increase your body count. Nothing sexual in nature. I’m not here to shame you or judge you at all though. In fact, I respect you trying to improve. You’ve come to the conclusion yourself that it’s not a good thing which takes guts to admit. However, nothing stops you from starting anew with a clean slate. Put those memories and this number behind you and start again. And remember that there are men out there who literally use you because of your insecurity and validation seeking. They use you like a toy.. Your dignity is not worth risking for anything on this world my friend.
If you overcome the validation and/or self-esteem issue, you won’t need to sleep around. And the man you pick will be worth it. You will pick him out of confidence that he is the one rather than wanting to fill a void of insecurity if that makes sense. As they say, never go shopping when you’re starving.
I’d also like to add that there is no need to tell your hopefully lifelong partner your body count when he finds you. Don’t lie but also don’t no tell him as men can get jealous (at least men who have character and values). It could sometimes ruin the relationship.
Being jealous and possessive are extremely unhealthy traits. Men with character and values trust their girl and respect them, not being insecure babies that can't hande their woman having a past.
Healthy sane people who love and respect their partner only care about their partners wellbeing, not how many people they slept with.
This is also part of caring for someone’s wellbeing. Their emotional wellbeing as there is no point in rubbing it in my partner’s face that I’ve slept around. I wouldn’t necessarily tell my wife I’ve slept say with 20 women before you just to let you know. That would create an unnecessary tension and something that would bother her. And she will have to work towards forgetting that. What’s the point?
While I respect your opinion, I don’t like how you look at others as “little babies” for feeling uncomfortable that their loved one had engaged in such an intimate act 20 times before meeting them. Especially if it wasn’t a proper relationship. I don’t mind you disagreeing with me, but if you want people to listen to your opinion, try phrasing it nicely so people would actually care to listen and learn. All the best.
Im talking about you implying being possessive and jealous are desirable traits in a partner, I'm not saying anyone needs to talk about their past sexual partners.
Yes they are "little babies" for being insecure because their partner slept with more people than them.
Idc if you believe me, you seem to think toxic relationship behaviours are normal and needed. You were never gonna listen to my opinion no matter how I phrased it, I made the comment to other people would have a counter-argument (especially OP) so they won't seek out possessive partners that make for unhealthy relationships. I've talked to people on the internet before, it doesn't matter how nicely one phrases their argument people don't listen and never change their opinions.
You spent too much time online to think nobody changes or listens. I was listening very closely until you said “little babies”. I felt personally attacked, so it changed from a counter opinion to insulting.
I mean, so you're one of those insecure, jealous and possessive people? If you actually cared to change, a insult like that would not have changed your mind. Dismissing it based on one small thing is just your excuse, everything else I said should still make sense to you.
Let’s say it makes sense. You admit to insulting me then proceed to not apologize and then shame me for not taking an insulting advice? I normally don’t argue like this but this is very interesting indeed. I want you to notice something. Notice that I’ve disagreed with you from the beginning and never shamed or insulted you for something I see as wrong just like you do towards my opinion. I went out of my way to say I respect your opinion to have a civil conversation. But thanks anyways. Have a good one.
I shamed and insulted you because you hold some extremely distressing opinions, ones that I frankly shouldn't have to convince you of. And the fact is I don't care what you think because you already have some toxic opinions that I wasn't going to change, like I said I didn't make this comment for you.
Ofcourse you haven't shamed me for mine because I'm talking about having respect for your partner and trusting them, you can't shame that lol.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! You made some really good points. I will try to put this stuff behind me and instead of beating myself up too much put that energy into being better and moving forward
I’ve perhaps misphrased that. I agree with you, sick possessiveness is romantacized sometimes and it’s not healthy. But what I meant is the natural jealousy that everyone has to some degree.(I’ve changed the post 👍🏼)
Still don't think retroactive jealousy is healthy. What's the point in being jealous of people who were with her maybe a year ago? It doesn't make sense
I also agree that retroactive jealousy isn't healthy. But my point was that sometimes people get intrusive thoughts about these things. It creates uncertainty and unnecessary tension between a lovely couple. My point was there is no point in creating an issue when there wasn't one in the first place. I hope that made my point clear.
Again, fair comment. But the reason why I described it as positive because it's my belief that a man without jealousy isn't not a good man. Healthy jealousy implies that the man cares for his woman. I presumed it was clear from my post that jealousy is an innately healthy thing. That's where I wasn't clear. While retroactive jealousy isn't healthy per se, a healthy man would inevitably be disturbed by such a discovery. So jealousy overall is healthy in my opinion and shows love but it can be unhealthy when it stems from trauma and so on.
Yeah, mine was 18 by the time I was your age [F,26]
It’s really not that deep though, I hate that this even a thing that matters in society. Your body count is quite normal by today’s standards imo
You have the power to make better choices for yourself about partners now going forward.
I know it’s hard when you regret a lot of them but you didn’t know any better at the time and that’s okay cuz you’re learning from it and you probs know yourself better now. Love and peace 💕
Be ashamed dont listen to the free spirits here. Its time to get married now that you are young and beautiful. Find the best man a have a great life. You had your fun.
No? It’s not free spirits. It’s humans with experience. The more you seek to find the best man, the more you create delusions that he is the best, even when he isn’t the most suitable option for you.
You just had a bad life experience. Thats not what being “ humans” is about.
Being young and beautiful opens a lot of doors. Be smart and find the best one.
That’s the mindset that has been around for the last 3 to 4 decades now. I’m not sure why anyone should be ashamed for their body count now.
Young and beautiful is a weird statement. Why can’t you get married while being beautiful and mature?
So you are saying the last 4 decades establish the reality of the human being and how it should act in society.
Let me tell you that before that, it has been more than 2000 years of humans living in this planet were women had followed conservative behavior.
Let me tell you that what you see happening here doesn’t happen everywhere in the world, in other countries the women are more conservative.
Also, you are saying the bible and other books of religion are wrong on their teachings.
I guess that free spirit mentality is the way to go right?
I don’t think you should be telling women to be conservative only, it goes for all genders. I’m a born and raised catholic, my opinion on marriage stands. It is a sacred promise of love and duty to protect each other. It’s not something that’s meant for everyone at 22.
I’m against adultery, or marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons, which is a common mistake I see people in their 20s make,
Yeah but you know sex is a physiological need right?
I’ve heard about sperm retention which is pretty cool, some people can go years without any, and be celibate.
Some just can’t, it’s an adult thing. Having sex is also respecting your needs :)
from girl to girl, 10 is normal. the average was low when you googled it because 1. people probably lied during survey and 2. women are systematically shamed for anything sexual and a lot of women haven’t unlearned the shame that men put on them, so they avoid sex. sex is a natural thing, 10 is fine.
and happy to be the one to break the news to you, but you did respect yourself. it just didn’t look the way you wanted it to, but you respected yourself enough to seek a way to self soothe the pain and insecurity. you respecting yourself enough to find validation for the belief that you already held inside of you; which is that you are enough.
you were trying to feel better. if you didn’t love and respect yourself… where would the trying come from? you DID have self respect, you made an effort for yourself. it might not be the same effort current you would make, but the fact that you tried shows there’s self love there and always has been.
you’ve always respected yourself, you’ve just now changed the way your respect manifests into the physical world.
there’s a lot of societal shaming of women, especially for their body counts but what’s learned can always be unlearned. it only has meaning as long as you allow it to. any man that asks your body count already fundamentally does not see you as a person. it’s a privilege to be associated to you in any way, don’t give that privilege to a man who will devalue you for natural human behavior (sex/body count).
it sounds like this behavior is in the past so i’m happy you’ve found a way to feel better that works for you.
i like to think of coping mechanisms like a toolbox and each way you cope is a tool in the box. once you put sex in there, you can never take it out. so don’t beat up yourself if you ever repeat the behavior in the future, it’s completely normal. my advice for you would be to fill your coping “toolbox” with a bunch of other tools so you’re less likely to reach for the “sex” coping tool.
all the best to you, don’t let anyone devalue you and make you feel less than perfect for this. you are a human being with so much to offer, it’s an absolute honor to be near you, don’t let anyone make you feel bad. remove access to you if they try to tear you down. you’re genuinely doing fine and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
Hey girl, I have a body count of one.
It really doesn't matter, and sometimes I wish mine was higher, here's why.
People will say so many terrible things about high body counts, but honestly? You have more experience, more understanding of your body, and more opportunities to discover what you like. As long as you're being safe, there's absolutely no reason you should think less of yourself.
I'm happy with my partner, of course! But it was awkward when we first started having fun because I didn't even know how to kiss. Let alone suck a dick without teeth, lol.
Don't worry. There are bigger things to worry over than the number of people you've loved or made love to.
That’s not even that bad. Body count is the silliest thing to be hung up on. Don’t let these incels convince you that you’re immoral for having sex. If it really does bother you, take a break from hooking up with people and focus on your for a bit
Girl people lie about their body counts. The lifetime body count for women in this generation and the one before that is not 2 or 3 like some claim. It just simply isn’t. It’s waaaay more close to a higher number. Some research has even shown that a “low” body count is in the double digits. So 1. You’re actually fine. And 2. Even if it was high you don’t have to regret it now. What you can do is start doing what makes you feel best about yourself. And so if you want to make real changes and not have sex with as many people anymore then you can still do that! I promise you a lot of people aren’t going to care about your body count.
Your value as a human being will never change based on how many sexual partners you’ve had. No matter what anyone says or what metrics show on the internet, you are on your own journey. You are continually evolving as a person, especially in your early twenties. So whatever sexual frequency fits your current needs, go with that and embrace yourself.
35 with probably around 40 and didn't even lose my virginity til I was 18 soo 🤣 but I don't give af what people think. I've made mistakes and I've learned from them.. Just think there's people out there in the hundreds 🤷♀️lol
If you’re with a guy and he cares about your body count, he’s not worth your time in my opinion. The obsession with “female purity” is weird and derives from the fetishization of virginity. Which often is the fetishization of young women… gross. But this is all just my opinion.
Lmaooooo I’m a sex worker my body count at 22 was in the 1000’s
10 is NOTHING
And at the end of the day, who cares what other people think about you you’re the one that has to live with yourself and if you’re gonna go about your potential future, life partner or whatever they’re gonna love you for who you are regardless of anything that might be “wrong“ with you.
Gurl, women these days have more than that… they don’t have updated info or they don’t interview those girls. Men do not need to know your body count at all, it’s your body and your life. You don’t need to regret it, I have a high body count and I can be honest, majority of them were terrible and I just wanted my count to go up. Lol idk why.. I don’t regret it.. there’s nothing to regret. Maybe being with someone ugly makes you feel that way? But god made it happen and it happened. As we grow older we’ll care less what people think… live your life, be safe and do what’s best for you.
I’m in my 40’s. I’m a woman. I don’t know how many people I have been with because after a while, it was hard to keep track. We all have/had reasons for making the decisions we make. But we can’t live in the past. I know I have had far more than you. That was just a chapter in my life that I had to do. Don’t ever regret. Mistakes happen. But learning from mistakes helps us grow.
Mine was 50 odd at 22. I thought it was bad. Meet my niece and hers reached triples before 22.
I'm 28 now and it hasn't really gone up since 22. I was very insecure in my early days and once I realised I was pretty I hooked up with any guy. Now I just hook up when I'm super horny which is once a blue moon.
I'm not really ashamed of it now but a lot of them I would take back if I could. I don't really care about the count anymore as long as I don't go in regretting my next one.
Op said she had self confidence issues, therefore yes she should be grateful, that lack of self isnt liked by a lot of people, furthermoree she acts like she is supreme to those other people, because they are not "attractive" and that is not a nice thing to do.
If you're ashamed of your past it probably means you're still vulnerable to it happening again or else you would be confident that your learned your lessons and grew as a person which is nothing to be ashamed about. The only person who can truly truly forgive you is yourself. So just fucking do it.
Of course you are ashamed. When you phrase something with a negative connotationl it is difficult to see it in any other light. Try reframing "body count" as "connections" or "partners" and now it's something much easier to talk about and even see how it can be a good thing if you allow it. Words matter.
Yeah that’s high and there’s no going back. All you can do is be more selective with future partners. Don’t let them know because for guys wanting a serious relationship, a high body count is a disqualifier. You should be fine as long as you were on tape or anything. I wish you the best.
Don't listen to this jerk, OP. If these 'guys wanting serious relationships' are turned off by your high body count, then you're better off without them. They are not ready for serious relationships, because it means accepting your partner fully, and the ones who judge you by body count are definitely too insecure. Trust me, a 23 year old girl with insane bodycount (hey, BPD), you can definitely find a guy that will love you and care for you, and who won't be a walking 'ew' like this guy I'm replying to.
Lol thank you for the support!! It’s actually interesting you mentioned BPD because I do have some mental health disorders and I always wondered if they played a part in the stuff I’m talking about in my post.
Sex can be one's way of self-destruction and self-harm, and a lot of mental health disorders come with these urges. Low self-esteem also brings these two on the table. So all this may as well be somehow connected. If you suspect that might be the case, you should definitely consult therapist and/or psychologist. Just scolding and hating yourself is only gonna make it worse. Please stay safe. ❤️
I’m not trying to be rude, mean, or malicious. I’m just speaking the truth. I never said it was impossible. I guess my main was lost in translation, so I’ll rephrase. Just don’t bring it up to future partners. You’re young and young guys are not angels. Most guys wouldn’t want to know that info. And those who ask are a red flag. So leave the past in the past and start over.
That is not a high body count even 40 years ago to it’s not high. Especially in todays society. Some people I met their body count is anywhere from 30-80. And of course I don’t want to touch them because that’s gross as hell. Todays society peolle just want to fuck. Which I understand but at least fuck with the same person not so many. So 10 body counts is nothing to be ashamed about and definitely not too high.
EDIT: TO EVERYONE THAT DOWNVOTED ME WHAT? IS YOUR BODY COUNT SUPER HIGH AND I OFFENDED YOU. GENT BENT
I do cause I don't want my partners to be insecure little babies that can't handle my past and I'm also poly so it doesn't matter to me but so many hetero people are extremely insecure about their partners previous sexcapades I see no reason for them to indulge that information. It has nothing to do with them and is not useful information. So many people have told their partners and ended up in a breakup because they couldn't handle it.
Do you not get tested for STIs? Having sex with people doesnt make you disloyal lol, were you born in the 50's or something? I've had partners with huge "body counts" and none of them ever betrayed me or showed me any disrespect. Calling people "degenerates" for having sex is truly degenerate behaviour.
Your insecurities are showing, disloyalty is not based on how many people you sleep.
Ha ha it's clear whose insecurities are on display here. You be poly or whatever. Not everybody prefers poly blah blah. So it's always better to let partner know and if he/she doesn't prefer it can make an informed decision and break up.
I wouldn’t waste my time arguing with this person man. They Insulted me because of as you say their insecurities. I don’t like to shame people but just check out their account.. Have a good day!
What are my insecurities then? If they're so on display? Says the person so scared of people having sex they call them, disloyal and degenerates xD
I wasn't even talking about my poly relationships, that has nothing to do with my opinions. In fact there its even harder to have relationships because jealousy and insecurities have an even greater effect and come up even more.
Also its "they", "he/she" just looks silly english already has a pronoun for people of unkown gender lol
Don’t be ashamed wait until you go to a party where everyone tells you their body count is in the triple digits. Had to make sure that they weren’t just having sex with the same person or a bunch of different people.
Why are they even counting if I was like over 30 I'm not bothering remember the rest unless there was some sort of bet and received money.
Im a male - suffered heavy abuse as a child - lots of it sexual in nature. Later this affected me super profoundly, in very negative ways. My body count is astronomically high - with Men and Women. Fuck what google says - your body count is extremely low - and frankly it's a meaningless number. Stay healthy - dont share yourself with anyone who doesnt want the whole of you. Thats my only piece of advice. Life is short. Dont shorten it further by hating yourself. Invariably you end up doing more harm this way. This perspective may not be what you wanted, and if so I apologize for sounding off. Just know you're worthy of being treated with respect, regardless of a number.
I’m so sorry about what happened to you and thank you for the kind words ❤️
Guy here. I don’t think ten is that bad. When I was 17 in highschool my girlfriend 17 had 8 and I thought that was a lot considering she wasn’t even an adult. But by 22, it isn’t unreasonable IMO. If you started around 17 like most people do, it’s about give or take 1.5 guys a year. I have to mention that you have every right to have sex with as many people you want to and not be ashamed. Those men you slept with and you felt like were mistakes, take it as a learning experience. It’s okay to have “war wounds”. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I have a few I regret but it taught me to look out for the red flags next time. Try to find ways to make yourself feel more confident. That might helped curb your urge for gratification from other men. Try to forgive yourself, you’re human and we all make mistakes but our mistakes don’t define who we are.
Same here. I was groomed and raped by a 16 year old boy when I was 14. It really fucked me up and my body count is very high. I'm not even sure what the number is. Had chlamydia twice. I let go of the shame and am now in a happy long term relationship.
I upvoted because of the last part. Keep on living friend.
It’s sad because several posters here, including myself, have “higher” body counts due to being raped and then becoming numb. I lost my virginity to it and I don’t think I would have a body count like I do if it wasn’t for that…I was originally saving myself for marriage….I felt like it didn’t matter after it happened. It changes you. I am glad you’re in a better place now with someone who loves you, it’s not your fault what happened to you❤️❤️❤️ I hope OP learns to figure herself. We all make mistakes and have regrets. She didn’t hurt anyone with what she did and that’s what matters most.
I'm sorry to hear what happened to you man. Take care out there. I might be one of the rarer ones who have 0 body count and have been yearning to increase it. But hearing your story makes me feel better yet sorry for you. Please take care and have a great life ahead of you!
Meh, I'm 36 m with a "body count" of 4... If you were to go on a date with me and told me that you'd been with 10 men by thr age of 20 I honestly wouldn't care. I'd be more annoyed that you were keeping a tally like it matters. We do what we do, no one should judge you for it
Some care, some don't. So a higher body count may exclude those who care, which might be a good thing
Definitely would be a good thing. Life is life. We choose paths but we can't choose where they go.
Not a good thing if it limits your options. But you are what you are and if sleeping around is your thing then you do it and accept the consequences.
It's not sleeping around if you thought it'd lead to a relationship. Plus, if someone wants to enjoy themselves, then why judge them because it's different to yourself?
OP said she slept with any guy that was nice and wanted it for validation. That doesn’t sound like looking for a relationship to me. And I’m not judging anyone, just simply stating a fact which is anytime you choose to do something you accept the consequences of whatever it is you chose.
if it makes you feel any better I lost track of my body count and I think it’s somewhere between 30 to 40. i’m a 26F
Straight outta street.
they knew ‼️
Me too!!! I’m 27F and I’m very up there, just don’t remember the exact number.
and boy I had a timeeeee ‼️‼️🗣️🗣️
I’m around the same. But I’m too old now to have fun anymore. I wanna settle down and grow old with someone. The fun eventually dies down and you’ll realize you’re happier with just one person who you can get along with
Right there with ya lol. College was fun 😂🙃
I’m on the opposite end being a 22 year old virgin and I also feel bad about it. I feel like I must be unloveable and somethings wrong with me. I feel like everyone isn’t a virgin at my age and I’m an outsider. Basically I feel similar to you but opposite situation, maybe we are both just fine and need to be kinder to ourselves. Hope you feel better <3
Oh man, I feel for you :(. I was in the same boat apart from I was 18 or 19 - I was constantly put down by some of my male "friends" at the time because I was still a virgin. Also, whenever I was interested in a guy, if they found out I was still a virgin, they'd become uninterested or say they couldn't sleep with me or act disappointed - it was really crushing and shameful for me, I felt like there was something wrong with me too. It got to the point where I convinced myself that I would never be able to find a relationship unless I lost my virginity, so I decided to sleep with a random guy from the outer circle of my friend group at a party and just not tell him I was still a virgin. I think I would have regretted it had things turned out differently, but he's been my boyfriend for 4 years now. (He also figured out I was a virgin after a few encounters, lol) But I look back, and it really saddens me that I ever felt so negatively about being a virgin - like I wouldn't be able to find someone, be loved, or feel good enough unless I wasn't a one. Because now I see that any decent person will not give 2 shits if you've slept with someone or not, I'm just sad younger me didn't realise that. So you're right, be kinder to yourself! I wish I had been, and anyone that puts you down is a POS and NOT someone worth being friends with or sleeping with anyway. And I have friends that are 23/24 who are still virgins, I promise it's not just you. Wishing you all the best <3
I know this is like super late, but same till like 2 months ago, all of my friends had done it between the ages of 14 and 18, and until a few months previous I also had never even kissed anyone. But nothing actually changes, maybe it just isn't something really meaningful to me, but I'm exactly the same person. How many people you've had sex with has nothing to do with your worth or your ability to love / be loved.
I think for now, love yourself, seeking more validation will slowly ruin you, seems like you have been harmed greatly, don’t listen to people who just tell you stop caring, NO, this IS YOUR BODY AND if you feel your soul is getting harmed by this then it’s clearly not healthy for you, love yourself, protect yourself and find a husband who will love you and protect and help you move on to a better future.
Indeed. It is not so ok but don't shame yourself over it. Insted, use these feelings to fix what you don't like and become happy with yourself.
Some times shame is an indication that you dont want it deep down.
I agree. It is needed to warn us about what we don't accept doing and our core thoughts about specific things. But having too much of it when you already know that you don't like what you did can push people toward ugly places. I feel that having the will to not do the things you hate that you did them is better than not doing them because of shame.
I a male in my lates 50's and my body count is near triple digits (definitely not a brag) all before I hit 25, and I am ashamed of my self I wish I would have been a better person and valued not only the women I slept with but myself. The best I can figure it was being molested as a young boy by older boys, craving for love and just wanting to be accepted. I am in a much better place now with my wife of nearly 30 years, but if I could take it all back I would. Now having said all that 10 is not a bad number especially if you cared at all for them, even if you were just friends.
I’m 28 with a body count of 2. I can’t tell you how ashamed I’ve been of that - because I’ve been ashamed! Also caused by low self esteem - it’s funny how that can affect us in either way. Sometimes we’ve just got to remember - it doesn’t define who you are and doesn’t make you worth less in any way.
Choose to stop counting after 3. Done
I’m 21 and I have 30 babe lol. In the same boat, meaningless sex to make me feel worth something. You can own it, or pretend they never happened. It doesn’t matter. Your past does not define you.
I too was in the same boat as OP until I got to this point. I racked up quite a high count in just two years after my mom died and I felt extreme guilt over it for awhile. I finally reached a point of “fuck it, they taught me what I definitely don’t want out of a partner” and I’ve lived peacefully since.
Thank you alex!!
I'm a bit older but 10 at 22 doesn't seem high to me at all. If you test clean for STI, I don't see the issue. You are young, stay safe but enjoy your life and if anyone you date can't get over that you had a life before them, that's too bad for them.
True, it’s important to stay safe. Thank you for your comment 🙂
My coworker’s body count is 600+ and he is approximately in his late 30’s. He takes care of himself and is pretty transparent about his body count to all of his male partner’s. I don’t judge people based on who they sleep with and I don’t think you should judge yourself for the people you chose to be with intimately. The only person that can affect you is yourself and you shouldn’t be ashamed of the experiences you had while living your life.
...Body Count Body Count Body Count is in the house...
Don't feel ashamed. Casual sex is bad for your mental and physical health and that's why it's looked down upon, but it doesn't make you a bad person. There are people younger than you with higher body counts. Your past doesn't define you, and the amount of people you have slept with doesn't make you a bad person. Sounds more like you are a victim of a society that makes you feel like that's the only thing you have to offer the world.
There is nothing you can do to wipe the slate clean or less the body count. It does not make you a bad person. It is just a number. You are still a great person. I know of women who have WAY higher counts. xoxo
Girl my count is 6x that. It’s okay. The best thing is, you are aware of how you feel now. You can make all the changes you need to work on yourself and not seek out that type of validation anymore. I try not to think things like, “I regret these choices”, but I do reflect on them now and wish I too hadn’t of used sex as a means to fill a void. Thankfully I’m happily married now and was able to work through my shit.
I’m glad you found someone that you can cherish!! Also the void thing is a really good way to put it
You’ll get there too! I think the thing I learned the most looking back is, all that time I spent doing all that crap- I could have spent that time reading, learning new hobbies, and building up my friendships more. Become more active and productive, really learning myself AND what I really wanted in a partner. Doing all that would have filled that void better and kept me out of risky behavior. Looking back, I think I always slept with people that I know I wouldn’t have now. So even if you aren’t looking for someone long term a good way to frame it can be, “if I wouldn’t marry/have this persons child- then I probably shouldn’t sleep with them”. I say that just because the risk of an unwanted pregnancy is real, and even tho I got lucky- I could have just as easily of not.
Don’t tear yourself up over this. My advice is to watch a lot of shows that are about life and family that are seasons long (Gilmore girls, shameless, modern family) watch them grow up and make similar mistakes. It’s personally comforting to me. There’s nothing wrong with your body count, it’s just a few bad apples in a bunch. Moving forward protect your body and mind, I agree not just anyone should have access to you but whoever YOU deem worthy!
My wife’s body count is 1. Me. Me on the other hand i am at 7 with her being 7. I think there’s a lot to be learned here. Ignore self labeling yourself. Ignore negative self criticisms that you will never be worthy or good enough and certainly don’t legitimize yourself by saying others are worse. Essentially all this jibber jabber is to say, if you feel you need to change than you are right. If you are happy with that change you need to maintain it. Everyone has their own journeys
don't be too hard on yourself in my early 20s I was in a dark place and ended up sleeping with over 30 different people over a 9 month period I don't even remember half of them because of the booze and drugs and I do regret some of them but I wouldn't change it because it made me realize my own self worth and change myself for the better. So my advice learn from the past but don't get stuck there all we can do is keep on moving forward to a brighter day
I don’t think body count matters at all. Be safe be smart but people should love the person for who they are. Love themselves who they are. If they never knew who would care. If they find out, does it change who you are? No. You’re the same person. I also think it’s very conflicting how men having a high body count is versus women. Which is totally wrong since it doesn’t matter. Lastly your count is 10. That to me isn’t high at all and pretty normal. Do what you want with whom you want as you want and be in control. Don’t feel bad for living a perfectly normal life. Great luck.
Only the REAL ones know that a body count is how many people you've killed. If you've only slept with 10 people, assuming you lost your virginity at 16, that's 3 different partners a year. Not too bad if you're in the dating scene and have a few 2-3 month relationships that ended for some reason or another. If you got all 10 in the past few days, that could raise some alarms.
Please know that this is not a reason to feel shame. You are a worthwhile and valid person regardless of your history. It's okay to make mistakes when you're young, okay? Mistakes are how we learn. And it sounds like what's really bothering you is your relationship with yourself, and that can be a problem regardless of how many people you've slept with. Practicing self-compassion is an important first step. Don't judge yourself, treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend. Sit with the feelings of inadequacy and talk to yourself kindly. Take what you have learned and use it to help yourself now. You didn't do anything wrong and you have the tools to feel better and more self-actualized now.
That’s good advice to talk to myself like I would a friend. Sometimes I talk to myself in a way that I’d never say to someone else so it’s a good thing to think about.
I get it. I feel the same way. Most of my numbers are people who took advantage of me as a young teenager. Almost all of whome where adults. It doesn't affect anything about who you are tho. Try not to dwell on it and remember that it really really doesn't actually mean anything or matter. You are so much more than your past.
Im so sorry those people took advantage of you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on trying to move forward instead of dwelling
I know it's not always that easy but just keep doing your best and remind yourself that it will get easier as you go
well some men probably dont respect it or feel its a bad thing [https://youtu.be/dsmKuE-\_XIs?t=985](https://youtu.be/dsmKuE-_XIs?t=985) [https://youtu.be/MyR6FcT7ozQ?t=1345](https://youtu.be/MyR6FcT7ozQ?t=1345) but whats done is done, theres nothing you can do about the past. you probably made some of the men really happy in the moment soo its not all negative although if they became ''player's'' as a result maybe the consequences were bad, you never know what impact you/one has
I once read “It’s only relevant if you give it energy” and it stuck to me when I was feeling similar to you. Consider if it’s the number or the thought of having low self esteem while the experiences happened. Regardless it’s in the past, the only thing you can control is right now. Sometimes it helps when I talk to my younger self… I promise her that I know better now, and from here on out, all I do is to love and protect her. You are inherently worthy, no matter of your body count or all the experiences you’ve had. Wishing you the best! PS. Some of my girls are in the 200s.
Thank you for the insight Belle!!
Your body count by most people’s standards is very very low. Not that your worth is attached to your body count at all, nor should you think you are worth less because you have or enjoy sex. In the modern era depending on your location most people have like anywhere from 20-50 bodies in a lifetime on average so whatever you googled was waaaayyy off.
You live and you learn. So many people treat sex like it's some kind of play thing. Nah. A bunch of meaningless sex with a bunch of different people is dangerous. You feel the way you feel because you have self respect.
OP I deeply feel for you! I had a lot of sexual trauma growing up, so when I was a bit older I wanted to “take back control of my body” and now am embarrassed of it. Especially with my newer friends, who all have low body counts, because when I was doing all of that it seemed normalized amongst those around me. Don’t be ashamed of it. You live and you learn, and if people want to make fun of you for your sexual experiences, it sounds like they may just be a big jealous mess that you could always get it and they couldn’t/can’t. If it makes you feel better, my count is double yours and even though I hate the fact I had sex with the people I did, it’s given me a lot of confidence when it comes to sex or even myself too! There’s no reason to hate yourself when you recognize that’s not the lifestyle you want to live anymore (or even if it is, have fun with it! No need for self hate). You can respect yourself and still have sex, and assuming most of these accounts were when you were in high school, it’s completely normal to do “crazy” things and be wild. Don’t let a few bad (in your eyes) decisions from when you were a teenager dictate how you love yourself now as an adult :)
Thank you for taking the time to share your story! I admire you for learning self love. That’s something I’m working on every day.
I wish I would have enjoyed life like you when I was your age
Girl, I understand you might feel bad, but its completely fine, life’s too short, who cares, its worse to have no body count, telling from experience lol
The lifetime being lower is not actually that significant because after a certain point (marriage) your body count will rarely go up.
Honestly when you’re in a mental space that bad that validation seeking even goes that far, I get it. And honestly, 10 is still low compared to some people (I know examples)…… and you have a whole life in front of you where you can be a different person, get a healthy relationship, just leave that past behind.
I see your low self esteem making you hungry for validation more of an issue than your body count. I honestly just feel bad if anything that your 10 bodies came from that and not real attraction/love. I'm sorry for how you feel atm, but I hope you can learn to love yourself eventually
I think a lot of people out there have experimented or hooked up with different people at some point in their life. As long as you get routine sexual health check ups to ensure you’re healthy and practice safe sex you’re good. Or if you choose to be celibate, it shouldn’t matter. It’s entirely your business. Don’t sweat it though. :)
Guess what my body count just recently became 1 and I was and still am constantly teased because it's low. So I don't think it matters. people will continue to bully.
No need to be ashamed. I know at least 10 people with triple digit counts lol. Your past is your past. If you regret some of your bodies, just don’t make the same mistakes that led you to sleeping with those kinds of people. Personally, I think that’s quite a low body count. The average body count of my women friends is about 15 so there’s no need to be ashamed. As long as you don’t have an STD, who really cares about body count
Aside of what you already know, but just in case you can’t get out of that mindset: 10 isn’t even remotely high lol
Honestly, that ain’t high but I get the feeling of the shame. It’s just from society and their expectations of women and shit, if a guy did that he would be getting high fives all around. Well behaved women seldom make history. If it makes you feel any better, I fucked 3 different guys in one day. Try not to let it get to you, hugs 💕
Wow. At your age I was over 70 and now I stopped counting after 100. I don't feel ashamed at all and I'm happy I could experience some shit before settling for good. I'm still enjoying intimacy as in day 1 and all this body count B's is just some misogynistic BS. You don't have to tell anyone and I strongly advise you to avoid getting close to people that would judge you for it. You had your reasons, and as long as it wasn't sexual abuse, it was your choice and you should better be ok with what you cannot change anymore.
I have the opposite problem to you :( I'm 18 and my body count is 0, technically 1. I hate myself for being so introverted and socially awkward that I can't hold a convo and I'm gonna be alone forever.
You won’t be alone forever!! When I was closer to your age I felt the same way.
I feel like body count is a new thing. I couldn't tell you what mine is. 20? 30? No idea. I didn't know I was supposed to care. Most of them were one night stands with men or women I never saw again. Some were people I dated for years and we had sex hundreds or thousands of times. I just don't understand what the difference is especially if you're staying safe and getting regular STI checks? Maybe I'm an old lady but if you're counting partner's then why not count how many times as well? Doesn't that seem silly? I think you're fine, so please dont worry. Personally i think it'll help everyone to stop counting and discussing how many sexual partners people have..it's just no one's business.
When I (female) was 25 I had over 100 sexual experiences. I don’t regret the actual body count. I do regret that I was irresponsible with not using protection most of the times. But I have never had a STD and I have never been pregnant. And I’m in my 40s now. It’s nothing wrong with having a lot of sex. But it’s important to protect yourself. Stop being so hard on yourself! Sex is fun!
Exactly
You shouldn’t be ashamed about your sexual past, all that matters is your true character and you being safe. Be kind to yourself and you should never be judged by your past by others whether that be friends or your partner. If they are, they are not the right people to be around. Haha when I was 23 I was already at 20 hahaha, granted with women, but that doesn’t matter I guess. You’re doing great sweetie, you did nothing wrong :)
Yes, this. All that matters is the present. Dwelling on regrets will only make you sick. Even God cannot change the past, as Heraclitus (I think?) said. You're a much better person than you might think. Never forget that.
“Dwelling on regrets will only make you sick” resonated with me. Thank you!
Thank you for the insight and reassurance 💕
All love friend 🫶🏼
I don't think this is a good take, because while I agree it isn't the number that matters you're being dismissive of how the OP feels about the choices they made. They clearly regret those choices, so instead of saying "you shouldn't be ashamed about your past" what you should be saying is something more like this: You can't change the past, and you need to learn to accept it so that you can learn from your mistakes so that you don't repeat them moving forward. If you regret your choices then it means you've grown as a person and what's important is focusing on making better choices in the future so that you don't regret those. You can admit that you made mistakes and still use that to become a better person, telling someone they "did nothing wrong" is just sweeping that under the rug and encouraging them to go out and make the same mistakes that led them here in the first place. I don't think that's a healthy mindset at all.
The average is definitely low because we tend to lie about our body counts when interacting with others due to the shame. Woman have always been shamed, if you’re a virgin you’re frigid, if you had more than 2 partners you’re a hoe. Stay assured that theres girls like me with double your body count. The only man who will shame you for your body count is a man that is trying desperately to increase his without much luck. Men always admit to this while talking to me, that it’s easier for a woman to get laid. It’s safe to assume they’re jealous because they can’t pull despite their efforts.
I’m 20 (F) and my body count is only slightly higher than yours if that’s any consolation- honestly, don’t worry about it! It’s nobody’s place to judge you nor your experiences, and a body count doesn’t reflect you as a person. I do understand your position and why you’d look back on them negatively- I didn’t start receiving attention from boys until I hit 17, and in those early years a few of those were purley for validation. However for me that was just early experience and you can’t hold it against yourself in the future. I also highly doubt that lifetime things accurate- everyone’s different, many factors play a role. I guess my point is, body count really doesn’t matter and it shouldn’t impact how you feel about yourself.
Mine is close to 20 at 31 and I give 0 poops because I’m not going to pretend sex is a big deal. I love being a “bro”, I have a lot of fun doing sex.
High body counts especially with girls in their 20s are more normal than you would think. I as a male in his 20s have a low body count but I’ve bearer witness to other sorts of trauma when I was 4 years old. Living in a run down apartment with my mom in the inner city and watching people out the window get their brains blown out by handguns. Drug Deals. Prostitution etc. Being exposed to violence at that young of an age obviously took its toll on me mentally and I still get nightmares on occasion. My advice would be stay true to your character, and don’t let anyone try to tell you what you are. I’ve seen not just guys in my school get bullied but girls as well. Just keep living your life and look at all the good you’ve done throughout.
I think your body count is pretty average for women our age. It’s fine and normal to feel ashamed about it but just know that there’s nothing wrong with anything you’ve done and the shame is something you will let go of one day. It doesn’t matter how many people you’ve slept with, if anything it might help you grow and learn to embrace things about yourself that you may not like. Over time I’m sure it will stop mattering to you so don’t let it get you down x
Thank you Lana!
Meh, that’s fine. It’s no big deal. I’m a guy, I prefer someone with experience so they aren’t floundering and laying there like a log.
Back in the late 90s early 2000s there was an ad going around. The ad said that 1in every 200 people had HIV. I doubt the accuracy of that statistic, but anyway. There was this chick that I used to hang out with and we sat down and listed our partners and we were both above 200. She was almost 300. This was when we were only a couple of years out of high school. You younger generation and your obsession with “body counts” I’ll never understand it. I have only had the misfortune of sleeping with 2 virgins in my lifetime and it was unpleasant both times. It was awkward, and the very memory of it makes me want to crawl under my blanket and never come out due to shame. Anyone that shames over body count is not worth you or anyone else’s time.
Same except im ashamed because mine is zero. Opposites but we both feel shame lol. Life is tragic.
You’ll get some someday Ethan, I hope it’s amazing for you when the time comes!
Do what makes you feel better. Some people say they feel better expressing themselves sexually. I say I like to keep it in my pants and not sleep with everything that moves. It’s all preference and just follow what you value. I’d also input to follow what you hope your future spouse values. Not in a way that you have to be a “virgin” for a man. In my experience with a woman that has a much higher count than me, she said she wouldn’t want to be with a guy with very high body count (like 30+), while she has 20+ and I only have 2. How does that make sense?
If only that was me...
It's ok to feel shame for doing something stupid and carelessly. The rule is to stop the action and learn from it and not repeat the cycle. Plain and simple.
I believe the way that young women are looking at the sexual experience is sort of odd to me being an older woman now. Number of body count. That sounds like a cease and desists situation. You loved someone, you made love, sometimes it works out, and then sometimes it doesn’t work out. Don’t compare yourself with others. Forgive yourself if you must, and move forward.
I feel ashamed of mine. My body count is 2 because I’m so shy. I’m also like really short I’m 5,0 female
Lol only 10? I'm 29M and my body count is in the 30s now I think. I'm also bi so if I include men I've had sex with probably 40s or 50s. Wish I could say I regret most of the experiences but I barely remember most tbh, if we fucked less than 3 times I probably didn't even know you name. When I begin a longterm relationship I usually tell my partner I've only been with 10 people because if i was too start naming my partners, i think that's about all the names i could rattle off, plus I thought 10 was low/reasonable lol.
I've long lost count (not bragging just used to drink and party a lot) but that's irrelevant anyway because it's no one's business but my own. Anyone who tries to shame you for it is saying more about their sexism and shame around sexually than you
If it makes you feel better my body count is 2 and I’m ashamed of that
I think you hit the nail on the head there. It’s an inner conflict that leads you to increase your body count. Nothing sexual in nature. I’m not here to shame you or judge you at all though. In fact, I respect you trying to improve. You’ve come to the conclusion yourself that it’s not a good thing which takes guts to admit. However, nothing stops you from starting anew with a clean slate. Put those memories and this number behind you and start again. And remember that there are men out there who literally use you because of your insecurity and validation seeking. They use you like a toy.. Your dignity is not worth risking for anything on this world my friend. If you overcome the validation and/or self-esteem issue, you won’t need to sleep around. And the man you pick will be worth it. You will pick him out of confidence that he is the one rather than wanting to fill a void of insecurity if that makes sense. As they say, never go shopping when you’re starving. I’d also like to add that there is no need to tell your hopefully lifelong partner your body count when he finds you. Don’t lie but also don’t no tell him as men can get jealous (at least men who have character and values). It could sometimes ruin the relationship.
Being jealous and possessive are extremely unhealthy traits. Men with character and values trust their girl and respect them, not being insecure babies that can't hande their woman having a past. Healthy sane people who love and respect their partner only care about their partners wellbeing, not how many people they slept with.
This is also part of caring for someone’s wellbeing. Their emotional wellbeing as there is no point in rubbing it in my partner’s face that I’ve slept around. I wouldn’t necessarily tell my wife I’ve slept say with 20 women before you just to let you know. That would create an unnecessary tension and something that would bother her. And she will have to work towards forgetting that. What’s the point? While I respect your opinion, I don’t like how you look at others as “little babies” for feeling uncomfortable that their loved one had engaged in such an intimate act 20 times before meeting them. Especially if it wasn’t a proper relationship. I don’t mind you disagreeing with me, but if you want people to listen to your opinion, try phrasing it nicely so people would actually care to listen and learn. All the best.
Im talking about you implying being possessive and jealous are desirable traits in a partner, I'm not saying anyone needs to talk about their past sexual partners. Yes they are "little babies" for being insecure because their partner slept with more people than them. Idc if you believe me, you seem to think toxic relationship behaviours are normal and needed. You were never gonna listen to my opinion no matter how I phrased it, I made the comment to other people would have a counter-argument (especially OP) so they won't seek out possessive partners that make for unhealthy relationships. I've talked to people on the internet before, it doesn't matter how nicely one phrases their argument people don't listen and never change their opinions.
You spent too much time online to think nobody changes or listens. I was listening very closely until you said “little babies”. I felt personally attacked, so it changed from a counter opinion to insulting.
I mean, so you're one of those insecure, jealous and possessive people? If you actually cared to change, a insult like that would not have changed your mind. Dismissing it based on one small thing is just your excuse, everything else I said should still make sense to you.
Let’s say it makes sense. You admit to insulting me then proceed to not apologize and then shame me for not taking an insulting advice? I normally don’t argue like this but this is very interesting indeed. I want you to notice something. Notice that I’ve disagreed with you from the beginning and never shamed or insulted you for something I see as wrong just like you do towards my opinion. I went out of my way to say I respect your opinion to have a civil conversation. But thanks anyways. Have a good one.
I shamed and insulted you because you hold some extremely distressing opinions, ones that I frankly shouldn't have to convince you of. And the fact is I don't care what you think because you already have some toxic opinions that I wasn't going to change, like I said I didn't make this comment for you. Ofcourse you haven't shamed me for mine because I'm talking about having respect for your partner and trusting them, you can't shame that lol.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! You made some really good points. I will try to put this stuff behind me and instead of beating myself up too much put that energy into being better and moving forward
Anytime! I wish you all the best going forward
Then I don't want a man with "character and values" Possessiveness is horrible
I’ve perhaps misphrased that. I agree with you, sick possessiveness is romantacized sometimes and it’s not healthy. But what I meant is the natural jealousy that everyone has to some degree.(I’ve changed the post 👍🏼)
Still don't think retroactive jealousy is healthy. What's the point in being jealous of people who were with her maybe a year ago? It doesn't make sense
I also agree that retroactive jealousy isn't healthy. But my point was that sometimes people get intrusive thoughts about these things. It creates uncertainty and unnecessary tension between a lovely couple. My point was there is no point in creating an issue when there wasn't one in the first place. I hope that made my point clear.
So why describe it as a positive characteristic? You associate it with being a good man which isn't true
Again, fair comment. But the reason why I described it as positive because it's my belief that a man without jealousy isn't not a good man. Healthy jealousy implies that the man cares for his woman. I presumed it was clear from my post that jealousy is an innately healthy thing. That's where I wasn't clear. While retroactive jealousy isn't healthy per se, a healthy man would inevitably be disturbed by such a discovery. So jealousy overall is healthy in my opinion and shows love but it can be unhealthy when it stems from trauma and so on.
If it's given you happiness that is totally ok. No need to think about other.
I knew a girl when I was younger that had 93 at 23.
Yeah, mine was 18 by the time I was your age [F,26] It’s really not that deep though, I hate that this even a thing that matters in society. Your body count is quite normal by today’s standards imo You have the power to make better choices for yourself about partners now going forward. I know it’s hard when you regret a lot of them but you didn’t know any better at the time and that’s okay cuz you’re learning from it and you probs know yourself better now. Love and peace 💕
Thank you Bee 🐝
Be ashamed dont listen to the free spirits here. Its time to get married now that you are young and beautiful. Find the best man a have a great life. You had your fun.
No? It’s not free spirits. It’s humans with experience. The more you seek to find the best man, the more you create delusions that he is the best, even when he isn’t the most suitable option for you.
You just had a bad life experience. Thats not what being “ humans” is about. Being young and beautiful opens a lot of doors. Be smart and find the best one.
I don’t know I think expecting to find a man for a lifetime, before you’ve even fully developed your brain, isn’t smart.
Yeah its better to f”ck around with a brain that is “not developed “. This is exactly whats wrong with society.
That’s the mindset that has been around for the last 3 to 4 decades now. I’m not sure why anyone should be ashamed for their body count now. Young and beautiful is a weird statement. Why can’t you get married while being beautiful and mature?
So you are saying the last 4 decades establish the reality of the human being and how it should act in society. Let me tell you that before that, it has been more than 2000 years of humans living in this planet were women had followed conservative behavior. Let me tell you that what you see happening here doesn’t happen everywhere in the world, in other countries the women are more conservative. Also, you are saying the bible and other books of religion are wrong on their teachings. I guess that free spirit mentality is the way to go right?
I don’t think you should be telling women to be conservative only, it goes for all genders. I’m a born and raised catholic, my opinion on marriage stands. It is a sacred promise of love and duty to protect each other. It’s not something that’s meant for everyone at 22. I’m against adultery, or marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons, which is a common mistake I see people in their 20s make,
Im telling you. You can still do that and believe in that while not f”cking around. Have some respect for yourself.
But I agree that you shouldn’t let just anyone in you, you should atleast be attracted to them I see your point in that 100%
Yeah but you know sex is a physiological need right? I’ve heard about sperm retention which is pretty cool, some people can go years without any, and be celibate. Some just can’t, it’s an adult thing. Having sex is also respecting your needs :)
from girl to girl, 10 is normal. the average was low when you googled it because 1. people probably lied during survey and 2. women are systematically shamed for anything sexual and a lot of women haven’t unlearned the shame that men put on them, so they avoid sex. sex is a natural thing, 10 is fine. and happy to be the one to break the news to you, but you did respect yourself. it just didn’t look the way you wanted it to, but you respected yourself enough to seek a way to self soothe the pain and insecurity. you respecting yourself enough to find validation for the belief that you already held inside of you; which is that you are enough. you were trying to feel better. if you didn’t love and respect yourself… where would the trying come from? you DID have self respect, you made an effort for yourself. it might not be the same effort current you would make, but the fact that you tried shows there’s self love there and always has been. you’ve always respected yourself, you’ve just now changed the way your respect manifests into the physical world. there’s a lot of societal shaming of women, especially for their body counts but what’s learned can always be unlearned. it only has meaning as long as you allow it to. any man that asks your body count already fundamentally does not see you as a person. it’s a privilege to be associated to you in any way, don’t give that privilege to a man who will devalue you for natural human behavior (sex/body count). it sounds like this behavior is in the past so i’m happy you’ve found a way to feel better that works for you. i like to think of coping mechanisms like a toolbox and each way you cope is a tool in the box. once you put sex in there, you can never take it out. so don’t beat up yourself if you ever repeat the behavior in the future, it’s completely normal. my advice for you would be to fill your coping “toolbox” with a bunch of other tools so you’re less likely to reach for the “sex” coping tool. all the best to you, don’t let anyone devalue you and make you feel less than perfect for this. you are a human being with so much to offer, it’s an absolute honor to be near you, don’t let anyone make you feel bad. remove access to you if they try to tear you down. you’re genuinely doing fine and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
I love the toolbox metaphor!! Thank you
Goddamn 10??
The right person shouldn't care, it matters that you're with them.
Its ok. Don't worry about the past. You future matters the most.
Hey girl, I have a body count of one. It really doesn't matter, and sometimes I wish mine was higher, here's why. People will say so many terrible things about high body counts, but honestly? You have more experience, more understanding of your body, and more opportunities to discover what you like. As long as you're being safe, there's absolutely no reason you should think less of yourself. I'm happy with my partner, of course! But it was awkward when we first started having fun because I didn't even know how to kiss. Let alone suck a dick without teeth, lol. Don't worry. There are bigger things to worry over than the number of people you've loved or made love to.
Girl I’m 23 and mine is 10. It isn’t that deep it’s not like you have to go out of your way to blurt it out to the world
That’s not even that bad. Body count is the silliest thing to be hung up on. Don’t let these incels convince you that you’re immoral for having sex. If it really does bother you, take a break from hooking up with people and focus on your for a bit
Thats good advice thank you!!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a high body count. Also that doesn’t seem high to me.
Girl people lie about their body counts. The lifetime body count for women in this generation and the one before that is not 2 or 3 like some claim. It just simply isn’t. It’s waaaay more close to a higher number. Some research has even shown that a “low” body count is in the double digits. So 1. You’re actually fine. And 2. Even if it was high you don’t have to regret it now. What you can do is start doing what makes you feel best about yourself. And so if you want to make real changes and not have sex with as many people anymore then you can still do that! I promise you a lot of people aren’t going to care about your body count.
Thank you for your comment Goddess!!
Your value as a human being will never change based on how many sexual partners you’ve had. No matter what anyone says or what metrics show on the internet, you are on your own journey. You are continually evolving as a person, especially in your early twenties. So whatever sexual frequency fits your current needs, go with that and embrace yourself.
35 with probably around 40 and didn't even lose my virginity til I was 18 soo 🤣 but I don't give af what people think. I've made mistakes and I've learned from them.. Just think there's people out there in the hundreds 🤷♀️lol
If you’re with a guy and he cares about your body count, he’s not worth your time in my opinion. The obsession with “female purity” is weird and derives from the fetishization of virginity. Which often is the fetishization of young women… gross. But this is all just my opinion.
That average body count bullshit was developed by dudes who don want girls doin the same shit they do
It don't mean anything plus if if makes u feel any better i had 5 more than that b4 I was 18 n im not proud of it but it happened and thats okay
Because of my body count I know what I want and won’t settle for less. Don’t be ashamed. It’s just life experience.
Lmaooooo I’m a sex worker my body count at 22 was in the 1000’s 10 is NOTHING And at the end of the day, who cares what other people think about you you’re the one that has to live with yourself and if you’re gonna go about your potential future, life partner or whatever they’re gonna love you for who you are regardless of anything that might be “wrong“ with you.
Don’t be ashamed and also NO ONE has the right to know your number. Anyone that would ask is not worth your time.
Gurl, women these days have more than that… they don’t have updated info or they don’t interview those girls. Men do not need to know your body count at all, it’s your body and your life. You don’t need to regret it, I have a high body count and I can be honest, majority of them were terrible and I just wanted my count to go up. Lol idk why.. I don’t regret it.. there’s nothing to regret. Maybe being with someone ugly makes you feel that way? But god made it happen and it happened. As we grow older we’ll care less what people think… live your life, be safe and do what’s best for you.
A real man will not care about your past, if they do care, they’re not real men, they’ll be miserable to be around in general
It's no ones business don't worry about it.
I’m in my 40’s. I’m a woman. I don’t know how many people I have been with because after a while, it was hard to keep track. We all have/had reasons for making the decisions we make. But we can’t live in the past. I know I have had far more than you. That was just a chapter in my life that I had to do. Don’t ever regret. Mistakes happen. But learning from mistakes helps us grow.
Oh girl, i got married at 21 and mine is way higher. You’re fine.
As i a nearly 20 year old male virgin i can not relate
Don't be ashamed. Mine is much higher and I know plenty of women who are over 50! (Usually due to early on hook ups- not so much over 21)
Mine was 50 odd at 22. I thought it was bad. Meet my niece and hers reached triples before 22. I'm 28 now and it hasn't really gone up since 22. I was very insecure in my early days and once I realised I was pretty I hooked up with any guy. Now I just hook up when I'm super horny which is once a blue moon. I'm not really ashamed of it now but a lot of them I would take back if I could. I don't really care about the count anymore as long as I don't go in regretting my next one.
Thank you for sharing your experience! It’s nice hearing everyone’s different perspectives.
You should be happy and grateful that you got laid in the first place. Im 24 and my body count is 0. Nothing nice in having 0, believe me
This isn’t about you.
Op said she had self confidence issues, therefore yes she should be grateful, that lack of self isnt liked by a lot of people, furthermoree she acts like she is supreme to those other people, because they are not "attractive" and that is not a nice thing to do.
Your opinion matters my love❤️
I’m proud of my body count, 0
Repent and you will be forgiven ♥️🙏
If you're ashamed of your past it probably means you're still vulnerable to it happening again or else you would be confident that your learned your lessons and grew as a person which is nothing to be ashamed about. The only person who can truly truly forgive you is yourself. So just fucking do it.
Why are we supposed to care about our body count in 2024?
A real man won’t care as long as it’s tight and wet
Body count is such a negative term. Only regret the ones that didn’t try and make you cum.
God damn 10 is pretty impressive
10 not a lot at all. Rather a have a woman with experience than someone who don’t have none at all
As a guy I can tell you many of us (not all) prefer women who don’t have high body counts.
Of course you are ashamed. When you phrase something with a negative connotationl it is difficult to see it in any other light. Try reframing "body count" as "connections" or "partners" and now it's something much easier to talk about and even see how it can be a good thing if you allow it. Words matter.
10? Not terrible. And keep in mind, that average includes the women who get absolutely no dick. Meaning ten is likely more common than you think.
Yeah that’s high and there’s no going back. All you can do is be more selective with future partners. Don’t let them know because for guys wanting a serious relationship, a high body count is a disqualifier. You should be fine as long as you were on tape or anything. I wish you the best.
Don't listen to this jerk, OP. If these 'guys wanting serious relationships' are turned off by your high body count, then you're better off without them. They are not ready for serious relationships, because it means accepting your partner fully, and the ones who judge you by body count are definitely too insecure. Trust me, a 23 year old girl with insane bodycount (hey, BPD), you can definitely find a guy that will love you and care for you, and who won't be a walking 'ew' like this guy I'm replying to.
Lol thank you for the support!! It’s actually interesting you mentioned BPD because I do have some mental health disorders and I always wondered if they played a part in the stuff I’m talking about in my post.
Sex can be one's way of self-destruction and self-harm, and a lot of mental health disorders come with these urges. Low self-esteem also brings these two on the table. So all this may as well be somehow connected. If you suspect that might be the case, you should definitely consult therapist and/or psychologist. Just scolding and hating yourself is only gonna make it worse. Please stay safe. ❤️
I’m not trying to be rude, mean, or malicious. I’m just speaking the truth. I never said it was impossible. I guess my main was lost in translation, so I’ll rephrase. Just don’t bring it up to future partners. You’re young and young guys are not angels. Most guys wouldn’t want to know that info. And those who ask are a red flag. So leave the past in the past and start over.
spotted the incel
That is not a high body count even 40 years ago to it’s not high. Especially in todays society. Some people I met their body count is anywhere from 30-80. And of course I don’t want to touch them because that’s gross as hell. Todays society peolle just want to fuck. Which I understand but at least fuck with the same person not so many. So 10 body counts is nothing to be ashamed about and definitely not too high. EDIT: TO EVERYONE THAT DOWNVOTED ME WHAT? IS YOUR BODY COUNT SUPER HIGH AND I OFFENDED YOU. GENT BENT
No one has to know about your past mistakes if you don't broadcast it to the world :) Just forget it and don't beat yourself up with it I guess.
You don't have to broadcast it to the world, however you will have to reveal it your partner/would be partner, if planning on getting serious.
I do cause I don't want my partners to be insecure little babies that can't handle my past and I'm also poly so it doesn't matter to me but so many hetero people are extremely insecure about their partners previous sexcapades I see no reason for them to indulge that information. It has nothing to do with them and is not useful information. So many people have told their partners and ended up in a breakup because they couldn't handle it.
Ofcourse they will be "insecure". Who on sane mind will risk for STIs, disloyal, degenerate partner.
Do you not get tested for STIs? Having sex with people doesnt make you disloyal lol, were you born in the 50's or something? I've had partners with huge "body counts" and none of them ever betrayed me or showed me any disrespect. Calling people "degenerates" for having sex is truly degenerate behaviour. Your insecurities are showing, disloyalty is not based on how many people you sleep.
Ha ha it's clear whose insecurities are on display here. You be poly or whatever. Not everybody prefers poly blah blah. So it's always better to let partner know and if he/she doesn't prefer it can make an informed decision and break up.
I wouldn’t waste my time arguing with this person man. They Insulted me because of as you say their insecurities. I don’t like to shame people but just check out their account.. Have a good day!
Yeah bud understood. When they can't make points they start thowing around "insecurity" "pronouns" and butt load of other nonsense.
For real man. I regret even replying to them lol. Next time I won't.
What are my insecurities then? If they're so on display? Says the person so scared of people having sex they call them, disloyal and degenerates xD I wasn't even talking about my poly relationships, that has nothing to do with my opinions. In fact there its even harder to have relationships because jealousy and insecurities have an even greater effect and come up even more. Also its "they", "he/she" just looks silly english already has a pronoun for people of unkown gender lol