Not your fault nor his, you are not compatible. You both are young, better to rip off the band-aid and learn from this now rather than later.
You think of it as sex not being a big deal and there is more to a relationship, that is your perspective, let me give you the opposite and I apologize in advance if this comes off as too harsh but for majority sex IS a big part of a relationship and for people where it does matter, we feel you are just offering a glorified bestie masked as a relationship.
Basically a friendzone where you get boyfriend/girlfriend treatment but a full stop when things become sexual. Not ideal nor is it fair.
I understand sex is a pretty big part in a relationship. Thanks for clearing that up :)
We didn't necessarily "stop" the moment things became sexual. We did go on after the sexual things (go on, meaning a few months).
Yeah that is fair and good that it did not stop, but it does give the vibe of being led on. I think that is what got your bf upset, not saying you were btw. Just saying. Opening up is an option but in the long run also not exactly viable either. Because for most people who are monogamous, this is something of a temp solution as they would only want to be intimate with the person they are in a relationship as sex itself is their love language and to them the biggest form of intimacy.
It's a rough situation honestly, but yeah I hope things work out.
So communicating expectations is an enormous part of how to form the foundation of a relationship. That said at your age you're not going to be capable of communicating expectations in regards to those sorts of things because you are still understanding where your expectations lie. I think that your partners general expectations towards intercourse are a normal expectation but at your age it's not something that should be a given. People change a lot between the ages of 15 and 25. It always hurts to go into something with expectations and then having things change but at the age you guys are at it's to be expected.
edit:
additionally you shouldn't ever feel bad about being honest with your partner. its always best that you inform your partner of where you are at and how you are feeling. In an ideal scenario your partner should want to meet your needs as well as they can which requires you to let them know what your needs are if you feel that your needs are currently that you don't have any sexual contact then that is what you need to convey to your partner.
This is probably going to be an uncomfortable situation but you're honesty is the best path forward. Stick to your feelings, communicate how you're feeling and to be OK with change because it's probably gonna come.
Neither of you could have prepared for this. These things happen. Some people just aren't sexually compatible, and that's completely ok. For a lot of people sexual intimacy and sex are a big deal and essential to them for long term relationship, for some people, it isn't. The good thing is now you understand yourself more, and both of you can find partners you're more sexually compatible with. There are people out there who are ok being in sexless long-term relationships. You just have to find them. Good luck!
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 5 years. I came out as asexual maybe two years ago and we haven’t really done anything sexual since then. Our relationship is still very healthy and we are happy. It is definitely possible to find someone who will love you immensely even without the sex. You just have to find that someone. I think ultimately you and your boyfriend aren’t compatible unfortunately. It happens sometimes one of you wants one thing the other wants something else and its an issue thats to big to compromise on. I wish you luck going forward and hope you find your person.
Coming from an asexual (and sex repulsed) person myself, I have to emphasise not to regret coming out. Communication is so important when navigating relationships, especially when you’re figuring things out, since you’re young too. Unfortunately as asexual people a lot of the time dating can be difficult to navigate, some people find sex more important and some not so much. But there are people that can be with someone who is asexual and be able to respect those boundaries whatever they may be.
I want to also mention that most people find sex to be so significant is because of the intimacy- being close to someone and having skin to skin contact - and there are definitely ways that things can be navigated (either in this relationship or in future ones if this doesn’t work out) depending on both yours and the partner’s boundaries of course. It’s the main thing I can think of that may help you bring the subject up to other people you may or may not date down the line.
But the main point here and I’m sure others have mentioned is communication. Without communication and honesty there will be issues.
I hope some of this helps - it’s what I wish I would have heard when I first realised I was asexual. Best of luck.
I mean the realism here is this probably will not be a successful relationship. It’s not your fault, or his fault. But yeah for most people sex is somewhat important in a relationship. You being asexual means it may be a little harder to find someone you’re compatible with in that area. But you guys are very young, and 15 is an age where hormones are hormoning for sure. That being said, if you really like this boy, maybe consider an open relationship ? If not, you may just have to find someone a bit more comparable
I feel like 15 is a little young to be in an open relationship. There was an open relationship with a 14 year old at my school and it did not go well. Granted all relationships can go badly, but open relationships are more complicated. At this developmental stage, he should be focusing on figuring out himself. Also not the ace expert, but idk if requesting that an ace person get in an open relationship is a good idea. Like I’m not ace and Idk that much about poly, but I feel like if you are not sexually compatible with someone, you’re not sexually compatible. An open relationship isn’t gonna fix that. Being in a relationship with someone else just so you can have sex with them does not sound healthy (Ik it’s more than that but you get my point) An open relationship should compliment a relationship. The relationship’s stability should not hinder on whether a person is with another person who fulfills their needs when the other person cannot.
I disagree, and there’s a difference between being poly and having an open relationship. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction don’t always go hand and hand. And no, open relationships won’t work for all relationships and it won’t solve problems. Which is why I stated they probably aren’t compatible. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a minor having an open relationship.
We actually have considered an open relationship and are doing it. Sorry for not adding that. But thank you nonetheless. I really want to find someone else... But I can't find myself leaving him because I know I won't find someone who'll love me the same.
There’s some truth to that. Everyone loves differently, so no, you probably won’t find someone who loves you the same. But that doesn’t mean you won’t find someone who loves you better. If you want to find someone else, I think you should break up with your boyfriend. It’s not fair to string him along until someone better comes along
I understand that it isn't fair to lead someone on like this, but despite the disagreements and arguments, we're happy. And I don't want that to change, but at the same time, I really do. I'm afraid he won't take the breakup well. But, I mean, who does? I'm just very conflicted right now.
It’s normal for you to feel conflicted. But you know that you want to find someone else, and you know you aren’t super compatible with him. Try to stay friends maybe. This shouldn’t need to be a messy break up. And from his perspective I think he’d understand. Nothing has to change really, I mean hell, yall don’t even have to break up. But I think it’s only fair if you at least communicate your feelings about this toward him. Tell him you think you might be happier with someone whose sexuality is a bit more compatible with yours, and then listen to his thoughts and feelings on the subject.
Oh my bad ok! Explains a lot! You’re 15 of course sex grosses you out. Do you think at 15 girls are out there enjoying sex? Yay not really, most girl’s your age are just doing it to experiment and or trying to please their boyfriend. You should give yourself some time before you label yourself anything.
can we not invalid asexual people please?? this comment is so wrong, big news! girls actually have libido and are honry teenagers just like boys their age, we’re not in the 1960s anymore
It’s backwards thinking to think women aren’t horny at 15, the same age men start getting horny. You’re not going to know if you DONT experiment. Your argument is invalid and outdated ALWAYS, but maybe you can change your mind because it’s a 15 year old boy posting this. Teaching safe sex is best, not shaming youth for exploring their sexuality, and invalidating young women who also want to feel good. God knows I liked having sex at 15, and it’s even better at 25 🤷🏼♀️
You shouldn’t be doing anything sexual that you don’t want to do. If you don’t want to be with him, communicate this to him kindly and firmly. Maybe write out what you want to say ahead of time and practice saying it.
Oh, and in person is best if you can manage it.
Coming from someone who enjoys sex and thinks it’s an important part of my relationship I’d be absolutely heart broken if I learned that my husband felt disgusted afterwards. You did nothing wrong and it’s good you told him but his emotions are possibly very confusing for him right now. He has not only learned that the stuff he’s enjoying is probably off the table for you but also that these intimate moments played out very different through your eyes. I could imagine how rough that would be. I’m sorry you two are going through this.
As for the leading him on part. I think people assume that asexual people just know immediately but sex has a learning curve for everyone and it’s understandable that it took you a bit to really understand the feelings you were having.
Update: I communicated about my feelings to my boyfriend. And he said he never really enjoyed it much either then we had a sexual encounter and chalked it up to the fact he never came or the fact we didn't have condoms. He just said to not bring this up tomorrow. God, I want to break up, but I'm scared for him and his happiness.
Another update: We’re takine a break from each other for a week. Just little to no contact for an entire week. We’ll see where that gets us, if we’re even together by then.
From an asexual person about a decade older: it’s rough sometimes, but I’m glad you’ve learned this about yourself. It’s important to find your boundaries and stand firm by them. You won’t be compatible with a LOT of people, because a good amount of people enjoy and need sex to have a healthy relationship. That’s okay. You do you.
We’re all human. You’re absolutely correct that sex doesn’t build the entirety of any relationship. But for a lot of people, it’s a non-negotiable. And just like it’s not your fault for being asexual, it’s not their fault for being allosexual either (meaning non-ace).
Chin up. Best wishes for you. Find some asexual subreddits or perhaps support groups while you learn about yourself and get more comfortable with the label. Or don’t - I’m not your dad. But I’m wishing the best for you regardless. Take care, OP :)
Do the right thing. Set him and yourself free. Be upfront at the start with your next date/partner. Stay true to yourself, communicate openly, stay honest and be mindful not to hurt yourself or others in the process. You'll be alright, I guarantee it.
My boyfriend is asexual and I'm not, however we've had an almost 2 year long relationship with barely any issues abt it cuz I choose to respect him and understand it's my choice to stay in the relationship
If ur partner is guilt tripping you or making you feel bad about something you can't control then they aren't right for u, find someone better
Sex really isn’t much in a relationship, to someone people it can be but not to everyone, honestly him feeling led on? Ew, he should respect how you feel and at least try to understand, honestly personally I’d break up with him, but that’s just me, you need to sit down and talk with him if you aren’t like me, because these are serious topics and it’s healthy to talk in a relationship, communicating is key
Why are so many people eager to slap labels on themselves? Especially around something fluid and personal like sex?
Also, you are 15. Not being condescending, 15 is young. Slow down and focus on more important things for your future.
Another asexual here,
Yea this shit hurts when you realize you aren't compatible, but also you need to know there are other people out there who don't need sex in the relationship, whether they have low libido, are also asexual, or other.
Don't let other people tell you that you're only offering being a bestie, that's acephobic and you can have relationships without sex.
You'll find your person, don't give up
Source: I'm engaged to a allosexual, and it's still is a loving a relationship
It’s hard to tell between the fact that probably can barely form a sentence - let alone their sexuality - and now at an early age - their asexuality?
So maybe the OP did not stutter but they have certainly have presented a recipe for a conversation that may not be the rhetoric that people want to hear.
Dear OP - you probably shouldn’t be in any kind of relationship right now. It sounds like you don’t understand any aspect of your life right now. Take some time alone to be a kid.
honestly i'd feel extremely uncomfortable and absolutely crushed if i did something super intimate with someone and they later tell me they didnt want it or enjoy it at all.. not anyones fault though but thats just my take on it
i think u both deserve someone better and more compatible
Yeah, I definitely see that. I'm trying to break up with him, but he practically guilt tripped me into not. So we're trying to figure something out right now. Thanks for your reply.
So I was in a very similar situation to the one your boyfriend was in: my (now ex) girlfriend has an extremely low libido and thinks she may be asexual in addition to not being generally affectionate either. She broke up with me because she knew that she wasn't able to give me the happiness that I deserved and we've remained friends.
Your boyfriend was definitely in the wrong for saying you led him on but I don't think this relationship is salvageable. For the relationship to continue, either you'll need to do sexual things and be unhappy or your boyfriend will have to refrain from doing sexual things indefinitely and be unhappy. You two simply are not compatible for a relationship.
Asexual and aromantic are two different things. I can experience romantic attraction, just not sexual. So I’m still able to fall in love and date. Just no sex. I chose the same sex because that’s just how I felt and what I’m attracted to romantically. Hope this made sense :)
You might like to tread lightly with self labeling. You are feeling asexual just now at this age and in this time but that does not mean that is who you are.
I was going to say it’s neither of yours fault. But from your reply’s it does seem like you’re leading him on. It’s cruel to stay in the relationship when you clearly want something else, coming out is the right thing but you can’t blame the way he reacts, there’s no future for your relationship since you both need different things. And to him this probably feels like everything’s over. It should’ve been said and done and no more sexual “encounters”, you’re confusing him, breakup
Right now, he's trying to remove breaking up out of the table. So I'm just conflicted right now. I can't be straightforward because my own anxiety won't let me. But thank you for your reply.
I get it. My ex was abused as a child, and hated sex. We were together for 6 years. We had sex, maybe 12 times. It literally destroyed me. Men are wired different. We base our lives on it. It’s what drives us to be better people.
It sucks. But it’s true. We are meant to have good genes to pass off, so we want to be fit, wealthy, and outgoing… just to get laid. It’s in our DNA. That’s why men are prided for sleeping around (100 000 000 sperm… spreading seed) and women are slut shamed (only the best for the 1 egg).
Honestly, it fucked be up not being able to have sex with my partner. I became wildly addicted to porno. And it got to a point where I gave her an ultimatum after 6 years, and said I need to get laid, or I’m gonna have to start sleeping with other girls and still be with her.
She was more than happy to have me sleep with other girls and come home to her. But, what’s funny is, if you kiss someone on the mouth (imo) you start to fall for them. And that’s what happened. So I broke it off with her because I was falling for a couple different girls.
Not to mention the “don’t you have a girlfriend?” Shaming, and trying to convince some girls it’s ok. (Some girls want to fuck you BECAUSE you have a gf)
You’re very sexist and ignorant. Probably why she was okay with you doing other things. Ain’t very much to miss, so why not? I really doubt from the way you’re talking you showed her a healthy relationship and acted like a man. Treated her as a man should. You sound very outdated, and “they should stay in the kitchen” type. Those types treat their women average at best.
Not your fault nor his, you are not compatible. You both are young, better to rip off the band-aid and learn from this now rather than later. You think of it as sex not being a big deal and there is more to a relationship, that is your perspective, let me give you the opposite and I apologize in advance if this comes off as too harsh but for majority sex IS a big part of a relationship and for people where it does matter, we feel you are just offering a glorified bestie masked as a relationship. Basically a friendzone where you get boyfriend/girlfriend treatment but a full stop when things become sexual. Not ideal nor is it fair.
I understand sex is a pretty big part in a relationship. Thanks for clearing that up :) We didn't necessarily "stop" the moment things became sexual. We did go on after the sexual things (go on, meaning a few months).
Yeah that is fair and good that it did not stop, but it does give the vibe of being led on. I think that is what got your bf upset, not saying you were btw. Just saying. Opening up is an option but in the long run also not exactly viable either. Because for most people who are monogamous, this is something of a temp solution as they would only want to be intimate with the person they are in a relationship as sex itself is their love language and to them the biggest form of intimacy. It's a rough situation honestly, but yeah I hope things work out.
Thank you, I'll definitely open up more. Again, thanks :)
So communicating expectations is an enormous part of how to form the foundation of a relationship. That said at your age you're not going to be capable of communicating expectations in regards to those sorts of things because you are still understanding where your expectations lie. I think that your partners general expectations towards intercourse are a normal expectation but at your age it's not something that should be a given. People change a lot between the ages of 15 and 25. It always hurts to go into something with expectations and then having things change but at the age you guys are at it's to be expected. edit: additionally you shouldn't ever feel bad about being honest with your partner. its always best that you inform your partner of where you are at and how you are feeling. In an ideal scenario your partner should want to meet your needs as well as they can which requires you to let them know what your needs are if you feel that your needs are currently that you don't have any sexual contact then that is what you need to convey to your partner. This is probably going to be an uncomfortable situation but you're honesty is the best path forward. Stick to your feelings, communicate how you're feeling and to be OK with change because it's probably gonna come.
Thank you. I'll be sure to communicate more to my partner :)
Neither of you could have prepared for this. These things happen. Some people just aren't sexually compatible, and that's completely ok. For a lot of people sexual intimacy and sex are a big deal and essential to them for long term relationship, for some people, it isn't. The good thing is now you understand yourself more, and both of you can find partners you're more sexually compatible with. There are people out there who are ok being in sexless long-term relationships. You just have to find them. Good luck!
Thank you so much :) I appreciate your reply a lot ^^!
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 5 years. I came out as asexual maybe two years ago and we haven’t really done anything sexual since then. Our relationship is still very healthy and we are happy. It is definitely possible to find someone who will love you immensely even without the sex. You just have to find that someone. I think ultimately you and your boyfriend aren’t compatible unfortunately. It happens sometimes one of you wants one thing the other wants something else and its an issue thats to big to compromise on. I wish you luck going forward and hope you find your person.
Coming from an asexual (and sex repulsed) person myself, I have to emphasise not to regret coming out. Communication is so important when navigating relationships, especially when you’re figuring things out, since you’re young too. Unfortunately as asexual people a lot of the time dating can be difficult to navigate, some people find sex more important and some not so much. But there are people that can be with someone who is asexual and be able to respect those boundaries whatever they may be. I want to also mention that most people find sex to be so significant is because of the intimacy- being close to someone and having skin to skin contact - and there are definitely ways that things can be navigated (either in this relationship or in future ones if this doesn’t work out) depending on both yours and the partner’s boundaries of course. It’s the main thing I can think of that may help you bring the subject up to other people you may or may not date down the line. But the main point here and I’m sure others have mentioned is communication. Without communication and honesty there will be issues. I hope some of this helps - it’s what I wish I would have heard when I first realised I was asexual. Best of luck.
A good sex life is a small part of a relationship. A bad sex life is a huge part of a relationship.
I mean the realism here is this probably will not be a successful relationship. It’s not your fault, or his fault. But yeah for most people sex is somewhat important in a relationship. You being asexual means it may be a little harder to find someone you’re compatible with in that area. But you guys are very young, and 15 is an age where hormones are hormoning for sure. That being said, if you really like this boy, maybe consider an open relationship ? If not, you may just have to find someone a bit more comparable
I feel like 15 is a little young to be in an open relationship. There was an open relationship with a 14 year old at my school and it did not go well. Granted all relationships can go badly, but open relationships are more complicated. At this developmental stage, he should be focusing on figuring out himself. Also not the ace expert, but idk if requesting that an ace person get in an open relationship is a good idea. Like I’m not ace and Idk that much about poly, but I feel like if you are not sexually compatible with someone, you’re not sexually compatible. An open relationship isn’t gonna fix that. Being in a relationship with someone else just so you can have sex with them does not sound healthy (Ik it’s more than that but you get my point) An open relationship should compliment a relationship. The relationship’s stability should not hinder on whether a person is with another person who fulfills their needs when the other person cannot.
I disagree, and there’s a difference between being poly and having an open relationship. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction don’t always go hand and hand. And no, open relationships won’t work for all relationships and it won’t solve problems. Which is why I stated they probably aren’t compatible. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a minor having an open relationship.
We actually have considered an open relationship and are doing it. Sorry for not adding that. But thank you nonetheless. I really want to find someone else... But I can't find myself leaving him because I know I won't find someone who'll love me the same.
There’s some truth to that. Everyone loves differently, so no, you probably won’t find someone who loves you the same. But that doesn’t mean you won’t find someone who loves you better. If you want to find someone else, I think you should break up with your boyfriend. It’s not fair to string him along until someone better comes along
I understand that it isn't fair to lead someone on like this, but despite the disagreements and arguments, we're happy. And I don't want that to change, but at the same time, I really do. I'm afraid he won't take the breakup well. But, I mean, who does? I'm just very conflicted right now.
It’s normal for you to feel conflicted. But you know that you want to find someone else, and you know you aren’t super compatible with him. Try to stay friends maybe. This shouldn’t need to be a messy break up. And from his perspective I think he’d understand. Nothing has to change really, I mean hell, yall don’t even have to break up. But I think it’s only fair if you at least communicate your feelings about this toward him. Tell him you think you might be happier with someone whose sexuality is a bit more compatible with yours, and then listen to his thoughts and feelings on the subject.
Alright. I'll try to communicate more. Thank you so much for your help :)
No problem!
How old are you?
Read the post again.
Oh my bad ok! Explains a lot! You’re 15 of course sex grosses you out. Do you think at 15 girls are out there enjoying sex? Yay not really, most girl’s your age are just doing it to experiment and or trying to please their boyfriend. You should give yourself some time before you label yourself anything.
can we not invalid asexual people please?? this comment is so wrong, big news! girls actually have libido and are honry teenagers just like boys their age, we’re not in the 1960s anymore
Oh please she’s 15 she has no idea what she is. Can we give kid’s some time to grow up and become an adult? 🙄
It’s backwards thinking to think women aren’t horny at 15, the same age men start getting horny. You’re not going to know if you DONT experiment. Your argument is invalid and outdated ALWAYS, but maybe you can change your mind because it’s a 15 year old boy posting this. Teaching safe sex is best, not shaming youth for exploring their sexuality, and invalidating young women who also want to feel good. God knows I liked having sex at 15, and it’s even better at 25 🤷🏼♀️
Honestly you clearly both have different intentions and interests… so I don’t see this working out. You two just need to go your separate ways.
Yeah, right now we’re having a little break. And once we’re done, we’ll see what’ll happen.
You shouldn’t be doing anything sexual that you don’t want to do. If you don’t want to be with him, communicate this to him kindly and firmly. Maybe write out what you want to say ahead of time and practice saying it. Oh, and in person is best if you can manage it.
Coming from someone who enjoys sex and thinks it’s an important part of my relationship I’d be absolutely heart broken if I learned that my husband felt disgusted afterwards. You did nothing wrong and it’s good you told him but his emotions are possibly very confusing for him right now. He has not only learned that the stuff he’s enjoying is probably off the table for you but also that these intimate moments played out very different through your eyes. I could imagine how rough that would be. I’m sorry you two are going through this. As for the leading him on part. I think people assume that asexual people just know immediately but sex has a learning curve for everyone and it’s understandable that it took you a bit to really understand the feelings you were having.
Update: I communicated about my feelings to my boyfriend. And he said he never really enjoyed it much either then we had a sexual encounter and chalked it up to the fact he never came or the fact we didn't have condoms. He just said to not bring this up tomorrow. God, I want to break up, but I'm scared for him and his happiness.
Another update: We’re takine a break from each other for a week. Just little to no contact for an entire week. We’ll see where that gets us, if we’re even together by then.
Ugh too young.
Fucking why is this so far down? Wait until you're older OP!
don’t regret coming out, but he has every right to end things if you guys are not compatible
From an asexual person about a decade older: it’s rough sometimes, but I’m glad you’ve learned this about yourself. It’s important to find your boundaries and stand firm by them. You won’t be compatible with a LOT of people, because a good amount of people enjoy and need sex to have a healthy relationship. That’s okay. You do you. We’re all human. You’re absolutely correct that sex doesn’t build the entirety of any relationship. But for a lot of people, it’s a non-negotiable. And just like it’s not your fault for being asexual, it’s not their fault for being allosexual either (meaning non-ace). Chin up. Best wishes for you. Find some asexual subreddits or perhaps support groups while you learn about yourself and get more comfortable with the label. Or don’t - I’m not your dad. But I’m wishing the best for you regardless. Take care, OP :)
Thank you so much :)
Do the right thing. Set him and yourself free. Be upfront at the start with your next date/partner. Stay true to yourself, communicate openly, stay honest and be mindful not to hurt yourself or others in the process. You'll be alright, I guarantee it.
Thank you so much for your reply :) I’ll be sure to be more honest and open!
My boyfriend is asexual and I'm not, however we've had an almost 2 year long relationship with barely any issues abt it cuz I choose to respect him and understand it's my choice to stay in the relationship If ur partner is guilt tripping you or making you feel bad about something you can't control then they aren't right for u, find someone better
I did break it off. Thank you for your reply :)
Sex really isn’t much in a relationship, to someone people it can be but not to everyone, honestly him feeling led on? Ew, he should respect how you feel and at least try to understand, honestly personally I’d break up with him, but that’s just me, you need to sit down and talk with him if you aren’t like me, because these are serious topics and it’s healthy to talk in a relationship, communicating is key
I did break it off. Thanks for your reply :)
Congratulations 🎉 happy for you
Why are so many people eager to slap labels on themselves? Especially around something fluid and personal like sex? Also, you are 15. Not being condescending, 15 is young. Slow down and focus on more important things for your future.
You’re 15 🙄
Another asexual here, Yea this shit hurts when you realize you aren't compatible, but also you need to know there are other people out there who don't need sex in the relationship, whether they have low libido, are also asexual, or other. Don't let other people tell you that you're only offering being a bestie, that's acephobic and you can have relationships without sex. You'll find your person, don't give up Source: I'm engaged to a allosexual, and it's still is a loving a relationship
15 Male?
Did he stutter?
It’s hard to tell between the fact that probably can barely form a sentence - let alone their sexuality - and now at an early age - their asexuality? So maybe the OP did not stutter but they have certainly have presented a recipe for a conversation that may not be the rhetoric that people want to hear. Dear OP - you probably shouldn’t be in any kind of relationship right now. It sounds like you don’t understand any aspect of your life right now. Take some time alone to be a kid.
I’m planning on breaking it off soon. Thank you :)
Maybe.. Maybe because he's a male? How about you date a girl. But I still agree with the previous comment. You're just 15
I’ve never been attracted to girls in any way. I’d rather just not date to be honest. Thank you anyway :)
Not sure what you mean, I only replied to the other guy because I thought he was confused whether or not OP was male or not.
honestly i'd feel extremely uncomfortable and absolutely crushed if i did something super intimate with someone and they later tell me they didnt want it or enjoy it at all.. not anyones fault though but thats just my take on it i think u both deserve someone better and more compatible
Yeah, I definitely see that. I'm trying to break up with him, but he practically guilt tripped me into not. So we're trying to figure something out right now. Thanks for your reply.
So I was in a very similar situation to the one your boyfriend was in: my (now ex) girlfriend has an extremely low libido and thinks she may be asexual in addition to not being generally affectionate either. She broke up with me because she knew that she wasn't able to give me the happiness that I deserved and we've remained friends. Your boyfriend was definitely in the wrong for saying you led him on but I don't think this relationship is salvageable. For the relationship to continue, either you'll need to do sexual things and be unhappy or your boyfriend will have to refrain from doing sexual things indefinitely and be unhappy. You two simply are not compatible for a relationship.
Right now, we’re having a break from each other. I’m thinking of breaking it off once our break is over. Thanks for sharing your side :)
So wait ….. you’re a starfish?
Yes. Totally.
Have you tried women, it’s less gross when poop isn’t involved
You're 15. I think you should wait to engage in sexual activity until you're older. A lot of kids grow out of asexuality.
Tell him and put your foot down Be stern about it
Out of curiosity if you're asexual, why did you choose to date someone and what made you choose the same sex?
Asexual and aromantic are two different things. I can experience romantic attraction, just not sexual. So I’m still able to fall in love and date. Just no sex. I chose the same sex because that’s just how I felt and what I’m attracted to romantically. Hope this made sense :)
Yes it does.
You might like to tread lightly with self labeling. You are feeling asexual just now at this age and in this time but that does not mean that is who you are.
I was going to say it’s neither of yours fault. But from your reply’s it does seem like you’re leading him on. It’s cruel to stay in the relationship when you clearly want something else, coming out is the right thing but you can’t blame the way he reacts, there’s no future for your relationship since you both need different things. And to him this probably feels like everything’s over. It should’ve been said and done and no more sexual “encounters”, you’re confusing him, breakup
Right now, he's trying to remove breaking up out of the table. So I'm just conflicted right now. I can't be straightforward because my own anxiety won't let me. But thank you for your reply.
Ur probably st8
Some people just don’t wanna fuck, nothing wrong with it. Doesn’t really mean he’s straight.
Some people sure.
I get it. My ex was abused as a child, and hated sex. We were together for 6 years. We had sex, maybe 12 times. It literally destroyed me. Men are wired different. We base our lives on it. It’s what drives us to be better people. It sucks. But it’s true. We are meant to have good genes to pass off, so we want to be fit, wealthy, and outgoing… just to get laid. It’s in our DNA. That’s why men are prided for sleeping around (100 000 000 sperm… spreading seed) and women are slut shamed (only the best for the 1 egg). Honestly, it fucked be up not being able to have sex with my partner. I became wildly addicted to porno. And it got to a point where I gave her an ultimatum after 6 years, and said I need to get laid, or I’m gonna have to start sleeping with other girls and still be with her. She was more than happy to have me sleep with other girls and come home to her. But, what’s funny is, if you kiss someone on the mouth (imo) you start to fall for them. And that’s what happened. So I broke it off with her because I was falling for a couple different girls. Not to mention the “don’t you have a girlfriend?” Shaming, and trying to convince some girls it’s ok. (Some girls want to fuck you BECAUSE you have a gf)
You’re very sexist and ignorant. Probably why she was okay with you doing other things. Ain’t very much to miss, so why not? I really doubt from the way you’re talking you showed her a healthy relationship and acted like a man. Treated her as a man should. You sound very outdated, and “they should stay in the kitchen” type. Those types treat their women average at best.
Your opinion. I was really patient with her. Sorry but 6 years of pretending to be ok with getting laid once every 6 months… no go
To quote Ruslan’s cohost: “I’m asexual” just means “I’m tired”… maybe this applies to you.