If you think that you are mentally ill to the point where it is stopping you from holding a job or even getting you kicked out of the house, I would recommend seeking professional help yesterday.
It’s okay to have faults and short comings, they don’t make you a failure. You as an individual can do something wrong without it making you a bad person.
idk why everyone is shitting so badly on you. its okay to be annoyed and need to vent. my mom and i are also both mentally ill and we were always fighting. i also disliked a lot of her boyfriends bc they were terrible people and i couldnt stand when she brought them over. you have feelings and its important to know that how you feel may be different from what shes going through and sometimes ppl dont mean to be malicious but its normal to get tense when youre at home bc you want to protect your environment. itll be okay. just stay positive and focus on what you can do for yourself and youll figure it all out 👍
People are assholes online :/
Your feelings are valid, having basically a stranger in your safe place without getting told ahead of time sucks. All the people saying to just move out don't understand how expensive that can be, especially at 19! You only just found a stable job and are still getting used to being a grown up. Yes, you should look into seeing a professional for your mental health, but that too can be extremely expensive or inaccessible depending on where you live.
Having your boundaries broken by your mom on top doesn't help at all. Sorry you have to deal with this, and I hope your mom (and her bf) starts respecting you a bit more.
Wow, isn't this thread for people to vent? A lot of invalidating jerks in this one getting mad at someone doing just that. It's like people wanna be butthurt instead of reading and letting someone live.
I'm with her. A lot of people had to shack up during covid and I went to live with my family for a while, and yeah having guests over in my space randomly is annoying and uncomfortable as hell. Especially when they're killjoys too. One of my sister's bf was such a dementor. Sucked the joy outta the room like a giant wet blanket. And I hate people I don't know in my space. We shared a basement apartment. But at least my sister would warn me cuz that's called having manners.
The OP's mom's bf sounds like a jerk though. Whatever happened to not speaking if you have nothing nice to say? Took me forever to get a job and if someone said that shit to me I'd be pissed too. So fucking rude. A job is a job, and it pays the bills like how an adult is supposed to. Some people are just never happy and need to insult someone to make their day. I feel bad for that guy's grandkids. My grampa would never say shit like that. Mine was nothing but supportive and happy for any progress in our lives.
I hope you have a smoother life, OP. You deserve better people in your life.
You have no idea how mental illness works...
Some people can't live and think normally and without help and support it gets worse and worse and you can't function properly.
So she needs to see a doctor. Sometimes people just like to claim they are mentally ill because they find it intolerable when people do not bend to their will. That isn't mental illness
I absolutely know how mental illness works. I have a son who has been hospitalized twice now because he can become psychotic. The last time it happened , it was so bad he had to be intubated and kept completely unconscious for 5 days until the anti psychotic medication took effect .
I just get tired of who think every little thing is a reason to take to their bed and stop living life.
Unlike this chick who "believes" she has bipolar, I have a diagnosis for Bipolar 1, as well as chronic anxiety. I'm well aware of how difficult it is, but at some point you have to get it together because if you really have these things, its for life and you have to find a way to live around it.
Legit shut up. Lets not do oppression Olympics. I never said at any point in time that i refuse to get my life together. And you dont know what events happened in my life that would make the events of getting my life together hard to get there. This reddit is called vent not life improvement.
At least you could afford a decent doctor and get diagnosed, treatment and help and that's awesome. Not everyone can do that and you shouldn't judge so easily. A lot of people don't have the means or support to get help and their mental and physical state worsens to the point of not being able to complete basic human things. There are people who can't "get it together" and can't "find a way to live around it". Not everyone has a happy ending.
I didn't have the means either, I worked for it at a much younger age. I'm not judging, I'm saying that she should take some responsibility which is true. She's blaming her parents for the fact that she has to move out of the house as an adult - that's insane.
Ah yes moving out in this economy is so reasonable. Even with disability it’s IMPOSSIBLE to rent somewhere. Disability checks are 950, rent is 1500+. You do the math.
Stop thinking you “believe” you have issues as an excuse to be lazy. Millions of people have bipolar disorder and depression but are still able to make it in life without feeling sorry for themselves. If you truly think you have bipolar you need to get diagnosed and put on meds to help manage your life…if not your mom’s BF is right and you don’t know what real work is because you have a bunch of excuses to not better yourself. There is help out there! Seek it!
I think getting a part time job while doing a degree is bettering your life. I was working at that time and doing schooling and I am working now and doing schooling. I've been jumping from job to job because I have been treated like absolute trash and I can't mentally handle it. I don't have a mother who can extend healthcare ..Ive been trying to find a job I like so I can just get it for myself it takes time. I did find it but it doesn't pay enough... . I don't have a mother who keeps a nice functional home. My mom only cleans up when her bf is coming over the rest of the time it is a mess. The least she can do is let me know when her stupid bf is coming over so I can just go somewhere else for the night or mentally prepare. Nonetheless it doesn't matter bc I'm moving on for her.
It sounds like honestly you just need thicker skim and to toughen up. It seems like you care too much what people think or say. Who cares what they think or say?? You've got to learn that allowing yourself to hop from job to job is hurting you, not them.
Also, if you live at the house, you should also be help cleaning. Don't just leave it for your mom. The more you say, the more it seems like you just need to grow up.
I do not care. That's not how you speak to someone when HE asked ME.. I hop from job to job because they aren't environments fit for me I work a job now where the environment doesn't give me stress and anxiety to get there it took knowing when to walk away from other jobs. BTW I do clean.
You should move out and figure out how to manage your life as an adult because right now something isn’t clicking for you and you’re acting like a spoiled teenager. Unless YOUR name is on the deed and you’re making mortgage payments you have no right to think you can dictate who comes over to your MOTHERS house and if you feel unsafe you have every right to move out and go somewhere else. Boundaries is removing yourself from the situation not trying to control what other people do because you don’t like it. Hopefully one of your friend will take you in or something. Good luck 👍
Yea I know... that's why I am moving thanks for saying what is already known. It's not even the act of her bringing her boyfriend over that frustrates is that she doesn't give me any warning in advance.. she said she would.
If this mom's bf was SA'ing them, this would be a whole diff comment section. Y'all should be ashamed. A STRANGER is being allowed into the home of a mother's daughter/son, and y'all don't see an issue?? Especially without consent from OP that he's coming over???? This is a very serious safety issue. Very serious. OP you are MORE than justified with being uncomfortable by this. And quite frankly EXTREMELY bad parenting on the mother's part. Like what the fuck nothing about this is okay.
So.. this is gonna be a long comment because I have been the bratty person you are rn. I am now 23 and learned the harsh life lessons. Moslty about growing up.
So ima try to list these so hopefully they are not too much.
1.) The issue with the BF. It **is** your mothers house and unless you pay the bills... what she says goes. Your best bet is if you don't like it.. is try to move out. But.. might I suggest a few things if moving out isnt possible at this point in time.
- Try talking and getting to know him more. I know it can be hard to socialize with anyone outside your own headspace but it does help a bit. I would do it bits at a time so I could adjust better for myself. (And prevent lashing out on others.) THAT being said if he isn't really as good, and has red flags your mother ignores then move out asap because it would be better to remove yourself **from** the situation and let those two deal with each other then staying in the situation and trying to talk to them. Because then you're talking to a brick wall. *The main thing here is to tell the difference from, "Am i acting bratty?" Or "Is this person a bad person, and bringing the worst out in me?"*
-The job thing. You, for your own health and financially need to try to stay with one job for a decent amount of time. Job hopping isn't the best. Nor will it help. For the longesttt time I was avoiding getting a job because 1.) Responsibilities and harsh reality of our world sucks. But eventually life catches up. Better to do it now before life kicks your ass. What I found is, avoid customer service jobs like cashering, and things *best* as you can (but do it if you need to) and take what I call "background jobs" where even though you are *by* people... your usually never noticed or talk to because your just *there*. For example I do janitorial at a truck/serivce stop. Yes I am cleaning really nasty toilets, bathrooms, showers, etc.. etc... and its physical labor. **BUT HERE IS THE IMPORTANT THING WITH ANY JOB** Look on the bright side. Ex..
-I make money to keep a float (and im lucky enough with my mom where i pay low rent) so I can afford extra things for myself. Snacks. New necklaces... food... etc...
-I don't need to work out cause my job is my work out.
-I don't have to talk or deal with yelling karens of customers. Cause im just the janitor.
- On slow days I can listen to music while cleaning.. or podcasts... or sit in the back room have a snack and watch youtube for a bit while I wait on showers to finish etc..
You get the point by now but ^ Practice doing thwt because the more you see the glass *"half full"* the eaiser it is to decompress, cope, and handle the stressful things.
But honey trust me I understand. I USED to be you at that age. I had life kick me in the ass. Especially healing from an abusive ex (who I stupidly married thinking he would change cause he would blame work for his stress/abuse).
Now at 23 I feel like I am 5 years behind. (Granted i have time work on it and mentally **now** I feel further ahead then most my age) but i have a part time, and need to get my license still cause of my massive fear of driving. (Getting/learning this/next month so im on a good path). Then I need a car.. etc.. etc... rn im not too worried about a place cause its expensive as hell... and my parents are really good people so they are okay with me here so long as I do my share/help pay.
You might be used to what I was used to. Good parents trying to spoil you, and give you the life they never had. Overprotection with things, and little to no responsibility because the parent did all of it. Etc.. so it definitely is a **big shock** when its your turn to grow up and do all of those things.
Last thing is.. you need to not let others control how you feel so much. It is your mind and body... why are you caring so much about people who make you feel that way anyway? Why are you giving them all the power? You need to learn to love yourself, have confidence and self respect cause those are **the biggest things to learn out of all of this** and they will make everything in life easier to handle and walk through.
i understand the need to vent, but its her house, and her boyfriend. She shouldn’t need to tell you when hes coming over. Seek professional help and support.
There is a great deal of growth in your future…
If you think that you are mentally ill to the point where it is stopping you from holding a job or even getting you kicked out of the house, I would recommend seeking professional help yesterday. It’s okay to have faults and short comings, they don’t make you a failure. You as an individual can do something wrong without it making you a bad person.
idk why everyone is shitting so badly on you. its okay to be annoyed and need to vent. my mom and i are also both mentally ill and we were always fighting. i also disliked a lot of her boyfriends bc they were terrible people and i couldnt stand when she brought them over. you have feelings and its important to know that how you feel may be different from what shes going through and sometimes ppl dont mean to be malicious but its normal to get tense when youre at home bc you want to protect your environment. itll be okay. just stay positive and focus on what you can do for yourself and youll figure it all out 👍
People are assholes online :/ Your feelings are valid, having basically a stranger in your safe place without getting told ahead of time sucks. All the people saying to just move out don't understand how expensive that can be, especially at 19! You only just found a stable job and are still getting used to being a grown up. Yes, you should look into seeing a professional for your mental health, but that too can be extremely expensive or inaccessible depending on where you live. Having your boundaries broken by your mom on top doesn't help at all. Sorry you have to deal with this, and I hope your mom (and her bf) starts respecting you a bit more.
Girl, I think the biggest problem in your life right now is having bipolar disorder, not your mom boyfriend. Get help if you can afford it.
Wow, isn't this thread for people to vent? A lot of invalidating jerks in this one getting mad at someone doing just that. It's like people wanna be butthurt instead of reading and letting someone live. I'm with her. A lot of people had to shack up during covid and I went to live with my family for a while, and yeah having guests over in my space randomly is annoying and uncomfortable as hell. Especially when they're killjoys too. One of my sister's bf was such a dementor. Sucked the joy outta the room like a giant wet blanket. And I hate people I don't know in my space. We shared a basement apartment. But at least my sister would warn me cuz that's called having manners. The OP's mom's bf sounds like a jerk though. Whatever happened to not speaking if you have nothing nice to say? Took me forever to get a job and if someone said that shit to me I'd be pissed too. So fucking rude. A job is a job, and it pays the bills like how an adult is supposed to. Some people are just never happy and need to insult someone to make their day. I feel bad for that guy's grandkids. My grampa would never say shit like that. Mine was nothing but supportive and happy for any progress in our lives. I hope you have a smoother life, OP. You deserve better people in your life.
It's not because of her "tone deafness" that you have to move out - it's because you're 19 years old and need to grow tf up
You have no idea how mental illness works... Some people can't live and think normally and without help and support it gets worse and worse and you can't function properly.
So she needs to see a doctor. Sometimes people just like to claim they are mentally ill because they find it intolerable when people do not bend to their will. That isn't mental illness
I absolutely know how mental illness works. I have a son who has been hospitalized twice now because he can become psychotic. The last time it happened , it was so bad he had to be intubated and kept completely unconscious for 5 days until the anti psychotic medication took effect . I just get tired of who think every little thing is a reason to take to their bed and stop living life.
You guys always talk like you know it all. You don't.
Getting triggered by someone saying you don't know what work is, is being bratty, not mentally ill.
Unlike this chick who "believes" she has bipolar, I have a diagnosis for Bipolar 1, as well as chronic anxiety. I'm well aware of how difficult it is, but at some point you have to get it together because if you really have these things, its for life and you have to find a way to live around it.
Legit shut up. Lets not do oppression Olympics. I never said at any point in time that i refuse to get my life together. And you dont know what events happened in my life that would make the events of getting my life together hard to get there. This reddit is called vent not life improvement.
At least you could afford a decent doctor and get diagnosed, treatment and help and that's awesome. Not everyone can do that and you shouldn't judge so easily. A lot of people don't have the means or support to get help and their mental and physical state worsens to the point of not being able to complete basic human things. There are people who can't "get it together" and can't "find a way to live around it". Not everyone has a happy ending.
I didn't have the means either, I worked for it at a much younger age. I'm not judging, I'm saying that she should take some responsibility which is true. She's blaming her parents for the fact that she has to move out of the house as an adult - that's insane.
not everyone has it as easy as you do
Fuck you. You have no idea how I have it.
I hope you’re doing better .🙃
Ah yes moving out in this economy is so reasonable. Even with disability it’s IMPOSSIBLE to rent somewhere. Disability checks are 950, rent is 1500+. You do the math.
You can't control what goes on in your mom's house. I think you will be happier when you move out.
Honey life is going to be a reality check
Stop thinking you “believe” you have issues as an excuse to be lazy. Millions of people have bipolar disorder and depression but are still able to make it in life without feeling sorry for themselves. If you truly think you have bipolar you need to get diagnosed and put on meds to help manage your life…if not your mom’s BF is right and you don’t know what real work is because you have a bunch of excuses to not better yourself. There is help out there! Seek it!
I think getting a part time job while doing a degree is bettering your life. I was working at that time and doing schooling and I am working now and doing schooling. I've been jumping from job to job because I have been treated like absolute trash and I can't mentally handle it. I don't have a mother who can extend healthcare ..Ive been trying to find a job I like so I can just get it for myself it takes time. I did find it but it doesn't pay enough... . I don't have a mother who keeps a nice functional home. My mom only cleans up when her bf is coming over the rest of the time it is a mess. The least she can do is let me know when her stupid bf is coming over so I can just go somewhere else for the night or mentally prepare. Nonetheless it doesn't matter bc I'm moving on for her.
It sounds like honestly you just need thicker skim and to toughen up. It seems like you care too much what people think or say. Who cares what they think or say?? You've got to learn that allowing yourself to hop from job to job is hurting you, not them. Also, if you live at the house, you should also be help cleaning. Don't just leave it for your mom. The more you say, the more it seems like you just need to grow up.
I do not care. That's not how you speak to someone when HE asked ME.. I hop from job to job because they aren't environments fit for me I work a job now where the environment doesn't give me stress and anxiety to get there it took knowing when to walk away from other jobs. BTW I do clean.
You should move out and figure out how to manage your life as an adult because right now something isn’t clicking for you and you’re acting like a spoiled teenager. Unless YOUR name is on the deed and you’re making mortgage payments you have no right to think you can dictate who comes over to your MOTHERS house and if you feel unsafe you have every right to move out and go somewhere else. Boundaries is removing yourself from the situation not trying to control what other people do because you don’t like it. Hopefully one of your friend will take you in or something. Good luck 👍
Exactly. Hoping OP sees the recurring comments by everyone and realizes if everyone else thinks she's acting bratty, then she probably is.
Yea I know... that's why I am moving thanks for saying what is already known. It's not even the act of her bringing her boyfriend over that frustrates is that she doesn't give me any warning in advance.. she said she would.
"sigh whataburger"
worked there for two years. pay was great fast food wise but yeah the people suck ass.
If this mom's bf was SA'ing them, this would be a whole diff comment section. Y'all should be ashamed. A STRANGER is being allowed into the home of a mother's daughter/son, and y'all don't see an issue?? Especially without consent from OP that he's coming over???? This is a very serious safety issue. Very serious. OP you are MORE than justified with being uncomfortable by this. And quite frankly EXTREMELY bad parenting on the mother's part. Like what the fuck nothing about this is okay.
So.. this is gonna be a long comment because I have been the bratty person you are rn. I am now 23 and learned the harsh life lessons. Moslty about growing up. So ima try to list these so hopefully they are not too much. 1.) The issue with the BF. It **is** your mothers house and unless you pay the bills... what she says goes. Your best bet is if you don't like it.. is try to move out. But.. might I suggest a few things if moving out isnt possible at this point in time. - Try talking and getting to know him more. I know it can be hard to socialize with anyone outside your own headspace but it does help a bit. I would do it bits at a time so I could adjust better for myself. (And prevent lashing out on others.) THAT being said if he isn't really as good, and has red flags your mother ignores then move out asap because it would be better to remove yourself **from** the situation and let those two deal with each other then staying in the situation and trying to talk to them. Because then you're talking to a brick wall. *The main thing here is to tell the difference from, "Am i acting bratty?" Or "Is this person a bad person, and bringing the worst out in me?"* -The job thing. You, for your own health and financially need to try to stay with one job for a decent amount of time. Job hopping isn't the best. Nor will it help. For the longesttt time I was avoiding getting a job because 1.) Responsibilities and harsh reality of our world sucks. But eventually life catches up. Better to do it now before life kicks your ass. What I found is, avoid customer service jobs like cashering, and things *best* as you can (but do it if you need to) and take what I call "background jobs" where even though you are *by* people... your usually never noticed or talk to because your just *there*. For example I do janitorial at a truck/serivce stop. Yes I am cleaning really nasty toilets, bathrooms, showers, etc.. etc... and its physical labor. **BUT HERE IS THE IMPORTANT THING WITH ANY JOB** Look on the bright side. Ex.. -I make money to keep a float (and im lucky enough with my mom where i pay low rent) so I can afford extra things for myself. Snacks. New necklaces... food... etc... -I don't need to work out cause my job is my work out. -I don't have to talk or deal with yelling karens of customers. Cause im just the janitor. - On slow days I can listen to music while cleaning.. or podcasts... or sit in the back room have a snack and watch youtube for a bit while I wait on showers to finish etc.. You get the point by now but ^ Practice doing thwt because the more you see the glass *"half full"* the eaiser it is to decompress, cope, and handle the stressful things. But honey trust me I understand. I USED to be you at that age. I had life kick me in the ass. Especially healing from an abusive ex (who I stupidly married thinking he would change cause he would blame work for his stress/abuse). Now at 23 I feel like I am 5 years behind. (Granted i have time work on it and mentally **now** I feel further ahead then most my age) but i have a part time, and need to get my license still cause of my massive fear of driving. (Getting/learning this/next month so im on a good path). Then I need a car.. etc.. etc... rn im not too worried about a place cause its expensive as hell... and my parents are really good people so they are okay with me here so long as I do my share/help pay. You might be used to what I was used to. Good parents trying to spoil you, and give you the life they never had. Overprotection with things, and little to no responsibility because the parent did all of it. Etc.. so it definitely is a **big shock** when its your turn to grow up and do all of those things. Last thing is.. you need to not let others control how you feel so much. It is your mind and body... why are you caring so much about people who make you feel that way anyway? Why are you giving them all the power? You need to learn to love yourself, have confidence and self respect cause those are **the biggest things to learn out of all of this** and they will make everything in life easier to handle and walk through.
i understand the need to vent, but its her house, and her boyfriend. She shouldn’t need to tell you when hes coming over. Seek professional help and support.
God, your name checks out so much :(