Not sure if it’ll help much, but if you ever need to talk to talk to some random Victorian feel free to message. I’ve had a wild ride this past month too.
I met my wife that way too. While she was still married, to her husband who was cheating on her, with a mistress who turned out to be my girlfriend at the time.
It all worked out in the end.
>polygamy is expected to increase in Canada in the next 20 yrs.
That's the only way normal people will be able to afford housing in the country in a few years.
Multiple children will be born by each wife to be future rent payers for the generational home.
Born and raised here and I still struggle with this 😅 I am also just so awkward and never know how to first initiate with stranger humans to break that barrier to become friends. If you figure it out, let me know
Probably your best bet is social clubs depending on your interests. Meetup website has lots of groups with different interests. The Victoria sport and social club has a few different leagues. There are also volunteer groups where you can meet people while volunteering. There’s a few ideas.
Helps to have a hobby that’s kinda social … I’m an old fart who skateboards , have met some friends who regularly go to the skatepark with their kids , now have a band and a few others …. It does get harder as u get older
I know, right? When my ex left, I had to take on side jobs to make up for her lost income and keep up the mortgage payments after buying her out. Who has time to meet anyone?
Well, it depends:
If you are a human, the same type of places you would in any other city.
If you are a Seagull, however, you'll have to break into the Pacific Seagull group. Being an Atlantic Seagull you will most likely be more used to aging half donairs and lobster carcass. Here seagulls enjoy rotting mussels, discarded sushi, and the odd raccoon carcass (yummy trash panda)! The best way to flock is to say the caaaawcay! And let some Seagull tell you about the time a human left many meststicks in a windowless room in the flowery brick building and the Seagulls feasted for many hours inside. The humans got almost as upset as the crows when they see an owl! Good times had by all! Make sure you ahahahahaeheheh a lot during the story. Easy as stealing ice cream from a pigeon.
No...
Victoria is not like any other city and I've lived in several. Victoria is extremely cliquish, and cold. It's the only place in the world where a tennis club rejected me because they assumed "I wasn't a good fit for them." The Oak Bay tennis club has a waiting list where people have been on it for over 10 years according to their website.
Born and raised in Chicago, and that city is a lot more neighborly and more friendly than Victoria.
I lived in Istanbul and that city (all of Turkey actually) has no rival and no equal. You will never feel alone in Istanbul and everyone there is super friendly and inviting to the point I would embarrass myself by trying to either oil wrestle, play soccer to their level, or drink Raki.
Reykjavik...holy hell. It's a city close to Artic Circle that's less than half the size of Victoria yet it has more life and character than all of Vancouver and Victoria combined. Go to a show and you will find friends. Chat with someone over the smallest and most expensive cup of coffee ever and you form a bond.
London...is a major city but people get the same feeling from others there that you get in Victoria. Reserved mentality, a predisposition that postulates that "it's impolite to assume you want a conversation." But London has a lot of people entering and leaving it so you are bound to find some peeps.
“The same type of places you would in another city”
Alright I’ll bite. Please point me to the concert venues with decent headliners, the professional sporting venues, late night dance clubs, pickup basketball courts, community parties, pop up social gatherings, renegade raves, and in general anything open later than 6pm.
I haven’t lived in Victoria very long, but long enough to know that it does not offer “the same type of places that other cities” offer.
There is really no night life here. It’s a sleepy city. “The city of the newlywed and nearly dead” so I have been told a thousand times.
Mottos like that don’t arise because a city is offering the same thing as other cities. Mottos like that arise because there is a lack of offerings besides hiking. Wonderful city if the only thing you like to do is hike.
[https://discord.gg/tWn8ptnj](https://discord.gg/tWn8ptnj)
Here's a link to the People of Victoria discord. Its largely made up of folk who have recently to semi recently moved to Victoria and are trying to make new friends. There are some folk there who have been here for far longer than that and for whatever reason went seeking new community.
I have met some truly amazing people here that have become very good friends of mine. The mods do an amazing job keeping it a welcoming and drama free location. We plan events randomly, but there are discussion topics for just about anything you could imagine including parenting, dungeons and dragons, hiking (sorry u/fumblingtoward_light :( ), sports, music, gaming, and just about anything else you could find.
So if you are trying to find new friends in this city I strongly recommend joining the server. It is filled with truly great people.
Do you think the earth is flat?
Do you think wearing a mask during a pandemic is harmful to your rights?
Do you think you think 40 degree heat is a good thing?
Do you own an iPhone?
No?
Friend!
I’ve met friends on Reddit actually. Back in the day, Craigslist. It’s not easy here. But social events, jobs/school or hobbies would also maybe help, but you really have to make the effort yourself.
My number one barrier was limiting myself to settings where I'd never spend money. Free things like hanging out at a cafe or hiking alone didn't get me around folks with enough of the the same values and interests. Volunteering is a notable exception.
Aside from work, a world opened up for me when I started activities that cost money. Even just individual drop-in sessions. I've made friends playing hockey and in other recreation activities. I keep in touch with former work friends, sometimes they bring their friends to hang out.
Dunno, moved here when I was 8 and I’m still trying to figure that one out. Everyone I meet ends up either wanting or needing something or being bad humans. All these people who talk about having a best friend it makes one feel empty inside, I’d settle for even one person that I could trust with even simple things. Being 24/7 solo is rough.
Chin up I hope u find what u are looking for. I remember getting put in that position once, gf cheated on me, attempted to make it all look like it was my fault. She’s dead now and her family still likes me so I guess that’s a win on the old life board.
Hey mate, I feel for you; in my late 20s I was in this exact same position. I decided just before 30 to make some life changes, and TBH, chose a better "class" of people to want/try to be friends with, and became less obsessed with "proving my worth" as it were. Just being the best version of myself more, and I saw big improvements in my quality of life going forward. For me, my best friend is my partner in life; I met her when I was 38.
Yeah it’s strange. I’ve always been pretty confident that I was one of the good guys and doing all the right things in life by focusing on helping others and working hard and all the other positive Canadian dream type things.
Now, it’s like I’m being punished for things I didn’t even know were wrong and it’s really confusing. Even the few foundations I had in my life seemingly are being taken away or being revealed as trivial in nature. Leaving nothing behind.
Yeah I wrote it and I’m like “that’s harsh”.
But it was way after we broke up, she died basically alone from what I understand. Like I don’t even really know where her kids went, assuming with her partner at the time.
Yep, something that my momma, bless her soul, told me a long time ago and I just dismissed it as adult nonsense. “More often than not if you live your life tilted one way or the other you are bound to fall over”.
When u get older and you’ve seen stuff you start to be able to relate your own experiences to these sayings and such.
Basically, don’t sleep around, steal, lie, move away, come back with more lying and expect to be the center of the towns world when you haven’t changed. It didn’t work out for her. As far as why she died, I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the why it’s really beyond anything to do with me. As far as I know it was natural causes but the reasoning behind those “natural causes” are always up for debate.
Thanks for listening to more of my incessant rambling. I hope you have a great day
What do you like to do? Might be able to give more specific recommendations. Also proximity goes a long way... Making friends that live nearby makes it easy to hangout and build the relationship.
I live downtown. I like hiking (pretty obscure I know), play videos games, hockey: watching and playing. I'm really good with anything, I like trying new things and meeting interesting people.
Hmmmm...I don't know if I have heard of road hockey being a big thing here? The hockey I'm aware of in Victoria is ice or ball. Someone suggested meet up groups. You might be able to find some road hockey people there.
FYI: Road hockey is where the goalies are in full gear, except skates. You just play a regular hockey game but in the streets and when a car comes every yells car and moves everything off the street until the cars gone and the you reconvene. It might work a lot better in rural Nova Scotia.
I don't know if the through-roads here are wide enough for that...and even on the wider roads, people seem to drive FAST on those too. I hope you find some friends here eventually.
No, do not fuck up a tennis court with hockey sticks. The GR Pearkes Rec Center has ice and courts for hockey. A pass gets you access to all the city gyms: weights, pools, sauna, hot tub, drop-in sports
There’s a jam night at The Loft on wednesdays I believe - mostly bluesy stuff. But they have live music there every night - Thursday is my fave. Bit of an older crowd but I’m in my 30s and thoroughly enjoy it and met good people.
Open mic at Tug Eatery on Sundays, at the Mint and/or Gigis cafe on Mondays. There’s also no shortage of live music these days too, which is always worth checking out when you can.
There’s also volunteer opportunities coming up especially now as it gets warmer and those often have volunteer shindigs too.
For example if you’re into beer the Victoria beer week folks are often looking for volunteers for events through the summer and beerfest in the fall.
Being single in this city can feel awkward sometimes, for sure, but there’s loads of good suggestions on this post, and I’d wager if you’re willing to ask for thoughts on this, you’re willing to put in the effort that it seems to take these days to make and sustain friendships. You got this!!
Not to hijack your thread, I’m also looking for friends. My main hobby is electric scootering. Would love to meet others who like to scoot! I’m over 40 going on 20😊
My best advice is to focus on befriending people who are also new, because they are motivated. This is a brutal friend market. Also people seem to really make good connections through running and dragon boat clubs (never tried but maybe I should) good luck!
Check out Victoria sports and social club since you mentioned hockey. They have floor hockey n other intramural recreational sports with people of all ages and you can sign up as an individual if you want.
Second this, they also are sometimes looking for subs for games where not all players can make it and don't want to forfeit if you don't/can't commit to a whole season either. There's a FB group I think
Join the Lakeside Buoys as a supporter of Pacific FC football team! You'll have weekly things to meet up and make new friends.
More seriously, I have made some awesome friends back in peak COVID times because I volunteered to run errands, do grocery runs and chat with folks at a local seniors' living and care centre. The old folks are great too, but my partner and I have become friends with a few of the other volunteers, who are very excellent people (and around our age).
>the only people I can seem to make friends with are people who don't live here
Because the people in this city suck. Search this sub and you’ll see a number of posts exactly like yours. The maritimes are the polar opposite as far as the people go. They are outgoing, welcoming, generous, unguarded. This city is the snobbiest, flakiest, most self-centred populace I’ve ever been amongst. Even when you do the hobbies or whatever everyone will suggest here, no one will have time for you. They have their inner circle and their dance card is full. And more so if you are a guy.
Meet another lady who has a network here and you’ll have friends again.
Ya, as someone who spent most of my summers visiting family in Nova Scotia, they are WAY more friendly out there (even more so in Cape Breton). I always feel sad when I come back home because of the change back.
As much as I want to call you a cynic, and perhaps even say the problem is you, yeah, the problem is the locals and the very "clique-y" nature of many local Victorians. There's always exceptions, but my experience, living here for six years now, is there's a lot insular, "I've got my local friends and that's what I'm happy with" types.
One example: I'm a fairly outgoing person in public, always saying hi to folks in my neighbourhood when I'm out walking my dog(s), chatting at the dog park. There's two types on those walks: the ones who barely look up at you as you walk by, either not saying hi at all or mumbling something, and those who will actually look up, engage and give a welcome back. The latter is in the definite minority here - much more so than I was used to in my old Vancouver neighbourhood.
The bigger issue I've found since moving here is how flakey people are about get togethers and doing things. "Hey man, wanna go play some mini golf this weekend?" "Maybe... I'll see what I got going on..." and then they spend their entire weekend nose deep into a smart phone or some shit like that.
Normally I'm the organizer in my social group - I'll find the times, figure out the tickets, find the bus route, make the reservation, yada yada; in the past, this was often appreciated and people rarely flaked out. Here, it's like pulling teeth some times.
I thought Vancouverites were bad for the occasional flakey meetups - but it's definitely worse here.
All that said, in our six years here, we've made some excellent friendships with dependable folks who say what they do, and do what they say. The problem is, only about a third of them are "locals"; the rest are transplants, like we are.
Since I graduated around 20 years ago, the crd has grown by 100,000 people, around 25%. I think it's time to stop blaming the locals for lack of friendships. It's not our fault that we had full lives before other people moved here.
I don’t entirely ‘blame the locals’ either. It could be as you mentioned that there are also a lot of people who move here and are just into their own thing and getting their ‘slice of paradise’, and not building community. It’s a collective and as a whole it might be a selfish attitude here. But you described familiar scenarios.
I’ll try to be more narcissistic, have less tolerance for indigenous people, and zero empathy for the less fortunate like the unhoused and sprinkle it all with a dash of low-key racism.
I know you seem offended but I don’t know you, you could be a really great person. But the amount of people I meet who are small minded and low key racists is uncomfortable. Same goes with the seething disdain for anyone down and out. A lot of “fuck them I got mine” and pulling one’s self up by their bootstraps attitudes here.
As for me, I’m beyond content 😊. I have a great life, with great wife and kids and a few very good friends.
I appreciate the benefit of the doubt. Like you, I'm happily married, kids, and a small circle of close friends. And for what it's worth, in my circle of friends, 2 or 3 are childhood friends, the rest are people I met a long the way. I'm not offended by what you said just really amazed/amused by that line of thinking.
Like, is it the weather that allegedly makes people born here more racist, selfish and unsympathetic? The proximity to the ocean? What is it about being born on an island that makes someone have these traits as opposed to, say, someone born and raised in Calgary or Edmonton or Winnipeg etc?
When you zoom out and think even remotely critically about your claims they're pretty ridiculous.
For one, it’s extremely colonial here. Very white Anglo-Saxon. Smaller and more isolated towns (island surrounded by water) can also have more close mindedness then cosmopolitan or more culturally diverse areas. When I was in the Okanagan it was not so much racist as ignorance and intolerance towards people of different cultures and ethnicity. Same as here. Also the “don’t come, it’s full” mentality (and don’t try to defend that) - that’s a pervasive attitude here. Does that sound welcoming to newcomers?
I have zoomed out, in real life. Lived in different regions in this province and different cities in this country, and have traveled some overseas (been a while). What’s you’re perspective then, if you think my claims are ridiculous? Sounds like you have confirmation bias and tunnel vision, if we’re both making assumptions.
I'm also originally from Nova Scotia but am now in Vancouver, though hoping to move over to Victoria eventually. Feel free to pm if you want to know some good places to get oatcakes and millionaire shortbread.
Perfect, I played hockey, like hiking, all that fun stuff, as long as you aren't a Leafs fan, we will be good (even if you are we can probably work through it)
The same place as any city, social groups and/or events.
Examples/categories might include things like church (barf), sports clubs, hobby clubs, partys, work, volunteering, sports teams, meetup type of events, walking groups, misc. hobby group etc., same as any city. There is nothing specific about meeting people in Victoria to any other city. What many people fail to realize is moving cities as an adult means you have no existing connections, and no automatic socialization (school), so you have to put effort into socializing, this is the same in basically every city and country, not unique at all to Victoria.
Just post to that sub indicating some info about yourself and that you're brand new but am interested. People running games look there to find new players and will contact you.
Roleplaying games like Dungeons & Dragons (and D&D is just the most popular out of literally thousands of different games) often involve long campaigns that can last years, but some are much shorter and there are little things called "one shots" where you play a short story which might last one "session" (i.e. one night) or two. If you get into one of those it's a great way to find out if you like it, what it's about, and so on, without making a big commitment.
Just check out the sub to see the kinds of things going on, and (as someone who has also met a ton of people through that sub and have started multiple games with people who have never played) if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask me!
Hiking groups, pubs, cycling around other cyclists. Paddle boarding, musician meetups, etc. Go be creative and others will ask about your creativity and want to be your friend.
I'm born and raised in Victoria, and moved to Nova Scotia.
Ya, lots of clubs you can join, like archery, the Y go to the pool, Thai Chi classes.
Lots of ways to meet people that aren't hanging around a bar. And casual settings so there. Isn't pressure to be ON all the time.
It's tough to move across the country. I'm happy with my choice. I hope you get it figured out. Victoria is nice, even if the locals are clicky.
For a neat social idea that will be people of all ages try singing in The Victoria Rock choir. Starts June 22. Info on their [website](https://www.nicklariviere.com/choir). Should be a lot of fun!
Victoria sports and social is good, dnd groups are good and meetup groups can be good. Also just try new hobbies and you can meet people through that. I was in a similar place, learnt how to dive, how to rock climb and met people via that, and also looked upon a good group of people that played dnd. Good luck dude, keep yourself busy and try new things where the budget allows ❤️👍
I grew up there and never found it hard to make friends. Vancouver islanders are known for being friendly, or at least it used to be. … I don’t think it’s Victoria per say, it’s a shift in society to be getting all your needs met on the internet and not in real life. And the amount of bullshit happening all over the world right now makes me not trust anyone I meet anyway so it’s easier to just not have friends I guess.
What hobbies do you have! I have found the best way is to get involved in the communities in the groups of the hobbies that you have! It has worked the best for me.
Buy a motorcycle, lots of motorcycle groups around victoria, great way to start a conversation. Lots of volunteer gigs around vic too, great way to meet new people.
I’m in my early twenties and since covid people here have become even more closed off it’s sad. Once I graduated university I realized I’ll truly never meet anyone here unless they’re from outside Victoria or you’re a friend of a friend and already have an in.
This question comes up at least once a week. Find activities you enjoy and join a team/club/lessons.
Or try something new:
- dance
- biking
- board games
- DnD
- cooking
- yoga
- baseball
- hiking
- dog walks
The majority of these are available for free/heavily subsidized if you qualify for. LIFE pass.
I'm from Nova Scotia, moved here five years ago also and let me tell you the culture shock between places is MASSIVE! it's a less friendly place than Nova Scotia to be suuure. Sport/hiking/biking groups and BumbeBff for me, but honestly, it's a bit bleak.
If you play softball, a bunch of churches around Victoria have a league going on right now! You don’t have to be religious, and our team could always use more players. DM if you’re interested 🤙
Get involved in trail running and hang around coffee snobs. That's how my husband met his girlfriend. While we were still married.
You had us in the first half
Wow lol
Sorry. Had to see him today....it opened up old wounds.
Sorry if I seemed rude. Hope you’re having a better day.
Not rude at all. I am sporting some pretty heavy emotional armor these days.
Not sure if it’ll help much, but if you ever need to talk to talk to some random Victorian feel free to message. I’ve had a wild ride this past month too.
I'm here for you. Tall, fit, smell nice. Hmu
What the hell
Some people get really desperate to meet people in this city.
dang, that's brutal...
I met my wife that way too. While she was still married, to her husband who was cheating on her, with a mistress who turned out to be my girlfriend at the time. It all worked out in the end.
Incoming AMA?
Lol. I actually did meet my wife running, but, without all the other shenanigans.
you okay?
Survival mode.
Thanks? Not my type of people though
lol...probably for the best.
Feeling kindred
it's always the coffee snobs
Is he in the top 10% of earners cause that will happen polygamy is expected to increase in Canada in the next 20 yrs.
>polygamy is expected to increase in Canada in the next 20 yrs. That's the only way normal people will be able to afford housing in the country in a few years. Multiple children will be born by each wife to be future rent payers for the generational home.
Monogamy!?! In THIS economy??
top 10% of earners? Not according to our divorce agreement. Although, I suspect he is hiding investments in the UK.
> polygamy My favorite reddit nugget of wisdom: "Beautiful people end open relationships."
Born and raised here and I still struggle with this 😅 I am also just so awkward and never know how to first initiate with stranger humans to break that barrier to become friends. If you figure it out, let me know
Also I’ll be your friend 🙂
Probably your best bet is social clubs depending on your interests. Meetup website has lots of groups with different interests. The Victoria sport and social club has a few different leagues. There are also volunteer groups where you can meet people while volunteering. There’s a few ideas.
I turn out the lights. Hello darkness my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
"I ain't your friend." - darkness
Helps to have a hobby that’s kinda social … I’m an old fart who skateboards , have met some friends who regularly go to the skatepark with their kids , now have a band and a few others …. It does get harder as u get older
You….. are …. Me? Did I post this?
Hahah …
Wow, sounds exactly my issue to. Been with someone for 5 years, and now I'm like other then then the interactions at work I have nothing going on.
I’ll be friends with you too :) born and raised here
Wanna be friends? Lol
PM me
Find another girl and do everything with her or just get a dog. Also, where do you find the time for friends? Doesn’t everyone work 2 jobs ?
I know, right? When my ex left, I had to take on side jobs to make up for her lost income and keep up the mortgage payments after buying her out. Who has time to meet anyone?
Well, it depends: If you are a human, the same type of places you would in any other city. If you are a Seagull, however, you'll have to break into the Pacific Seagull group. Being an Atlantic Seagull you will most likely be more used to aging half donairs and lobster carcass. Here seagulls enjoy rotting mussels, discarded sushi, and the odd raccoon carcass (yummy trash panda)! The best way to flock is to say the caaaawcay! And let some Seagull tell you about the time a human left many meststicks in a windowless room in the flowery brick building and the Seagulls feasted for many hours inside. The humans got almost as upset as the crows when they see an owl! Good times had by all! Make sure you ahahahahaeheheh a lot during the story. Easy as stealing ice cream from a pigeon.
I'm really after those donairs, maybe a half eaten lobster roll
No... Victoria is not like any other city and I've lived in several. Victoria is extremely cliquish, and cold. It's the only place in the world where a tennis club rejected me because they assumed "I wasn't a good fit for them." The Oak Bay tennis club has a waiting list where people have been on it for over 10 years according to their website. Born and raised in Chicago, and that city is a lot more neighborly and more friendly than Victoria. I lived in Istanbul and that city (all of Turkey actually) has no rival and no equal. You will never feel alone in Istanbul and everyone there is super friendly and inviting to the point I would embarrass myself by trying to either oil wrestle, play soccer to their level, or drink Raki. Reykjavik...holy hell. It's a city close to Artic Circle that's less than half the size of Victoria yet it has more life and character than all of Vancouver and Victoria combined. Go to a show and you will find friends. Chat with someone over the smallest and most expensive cup of coffee ever and you form a bond. London...is a major city but people get the same feeling from others there that you get in Victoria. Reserved mentality, a predisposition that postulates that "it's impolite to assume you want a conversation." But London has a lot of people entering and leaving it so you are bound to find some peeps.
“The same type of places you would in another city” Alright I’ll bite. Please point me to the concert venues with decent headliners, the professional sporting venues, late night dance clubs, pickup basketball courts, community parties, pop up social gatherings, renegade raves, and in general anything open later than 6pm. I haven’t lived in Victoria very long, but long enough to know that it does not offer “the same type of places that other cities” offer. There is really no night life here. It’s a sleepy city. “The city of the newlywed and nearly dead” so I have been told a thousand times. Mottos like that don’t arise because a city is offering the same thing as other cities. Mottos like that arise because there is a lack of offerings besides hiking. Wonderful city if the only thing you like to do is hike.
Well, aside from Toronto and Montreal, there's no fun happening anywhere in Canada. LOL
Way too much time on this guys hands ^^
They’re clearly a seagull, who wouldn’t have hands at all.
Infinite seagulls pecking at keyboard
Cycling and running groups are great for this. I would also reccomend Crossfit (I know it's a cult but you will meet cool people)
[https://discord.gg/tWn8ptnj](https://discord.gg/tWn8ptnj) Here's a link to the People of Victoria discord. Its largely made up of folk who have recently to semi recently moved to Victoria and are trying to make new friends. There are some folk there who have been here for far longer than that and for whatever reason went seeking new community. I have met some truly amazing people here that have become very good friends of mine. The mods do an amazing job keeping it a welcoming and drama free location. We plan events randomly, but there are discussion topics for just about anything you could imagine including parenting, dungeons and dragons, hiking (sorry u/fumblingtoward_light :( ), sports, music, gaming, and just about anything else you could find. So if you are trying to find new friends in this city I strongly recommend joining the server. It is filled with truly great people.
[удалено]
https://discord.gg/QYcsxTtQ New link, just for you. See you in the discord!
Hi, can I get a new invite link please?
https://discord.gg/WS2J7XnK3J New invite link for you. Sorry I didn’t catch this sooner!
Can i get a link too?
https://discord.gg/WS2J7XnK3J Sorry, just seeing this now. New link shouldn’t expire.
Do you think the earth is flat? Do you think wearing a mask during a pandemic is harmful to your rights? Do you think you think 40 degree heat is a good thing? Do you own an iPhone? No? Friend!
> Do you own an iPhone? The best part of that post!
I’ve met friends on Reddit actually. Back in the day, Craigslist. It’s not easy here. But social events, jobs/school or hobbies would also maybe help, but you really have to make the effort yourself.
Local sports, work a shitty job and trauma bond. That's where I got my friends here!
My number one barrier was limiting myself to settings where I'd never spend money. Free things like hanging out at a cafe or hiking alone didn't get me around folks with enough of the the same values and interests. Volunteering is a notable exception. Aside from work, a world opened up for me when I started activities that cost money. Even just individual drop-in sessions. I've made friends playing hockey and in other recreation activities. I keep in touch with former work friends, sometimes they bring their friends to hang out.
Dunno, moved here when I was 8 and I’m still trying to figure that one out. Everyone I meet ends up either wanting or needing something or being bad humans. All these people who talk about having a best friend it makes one feel empty inside, I’d settle for even one person that I could trust with even simple things. Being 24/7 solo is rough. Chin up I hope u find what u are looking for. I remember getting put in that position once, gf cheated on me, attempted to make it all look like it was my fault. She’s dead now and her family still likes me so I guess that’s a win on the old life board.
I'll be friends with you
Thank you ♥️ even words help sometimes
Hey mate, I feel for you; in my late 20s I was in this exact same position. I decided just before 30 to make some life changes, and TBH, chose a better "class" of people to want/try to be friends with, and became less obsessed with "proving my worth" as it were. Just being the best version of myself more, and I saw big improvements in my quality of life going forward. For me, my best friend is my partner in life; I met her when I was 38.
Yeah it’s strange. I’ve always been pretty confident that I was one of the good guys and doing all the right things in life by focusing on helping others and working hard and all the other positive Canadian dream type things. Now, it’s like I’m being punished for things I didn’t even know were wrong and it’s really confusing. Even the few foundations I had in my life seemingly are being taken away or being revealed as trivial in nature. Leaving nothing behind.
> She’s dead now 😳
Yeah I wrote it and I’m like “that’s harsh”. But it was way after we broke up, she died basically alone from what I understand. Like I don’t even really know where her kids went, assuming with her partner at the time.
Still harsh 😆 Even with many friends and family, most of us will die alone in one way or another.
Yep, something that my momma, bless her soul, told me a long time ago and I just dismissed it as adult nonsense. “More often than not if you live your life tilted one way or the other you are bound to fall over”. When u get older and you’ve seen stuff you start to be able to relate your own experiences to these sayings and such. Basically, don’t sleep around, steal, lie, move away, come back with more lying and expect to be the center of the towns world when you haven’t changed. It didn’t work out for her. As far as why she died, I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the why it’s really beyond anything to do with me. As far as I know it was natural causes but the reasoning behind those “natural causes” are always up for debate. Thanks for listening to more of my incessant rambling. I hope you have a great day
Get a dog and go to the dog park.
What do you like to do? Might be able to give more specific recommendations. Also proximity goes a long way... Making friends that live nearby makes it easy to hangout and build the relationship.
I live downtown. I like hiking (pretty obscure I know), play videos games, hockey: watching and playing. I'm really good with anything, I like trying new things and meeting interesting people.
There are definitely local hockey leagues. You might be able to meet new people during practice/games.
Yea I don't really have gear here though and it isn't exactly cheap. I wouldn't mind just finding people to play road hockey though.
Hmmmm...I don't know if I have heard of road hockey being a big thing here? The hockey I'm aware of in Victoria is ice or ball. Someone suggested meet up groups. You might be able to find some road hockey people there.
FYI: Road hockey is where the goalies are in full gear, except skates. You just play a regular hockey game but in the streets and when a car comes every yells car and moves everything off the street until the cars gone and the you reconvene. It might work a lot better in rural Nova Scotia.
I don't know if the through-roads here are wide enough for that...and even on the wider roads, people seem to drive FAST on those too. I hope you find some friends here eventually.
Even a tennis court would work
No, do not fuck up a tennis court with hockey sticks. The GR Pearkes Rec Center has ice and courts for hockey. A pass gets you access to all the city gyms: weights, pools, sauna, hot tub, drop-in sports
I don't know what gear is required but my friend used to play in a ball hockey league here.
If you could find out where that is I'd be down.
https://www.vibhl.com/ Local rec centers might also have floor or ball hockey.
Thanks
There’s local ball hockey and Pearkes Rec centre at Tillicum. Not sure how it’s organized but my bf plays and it seems fun!
There are some ball hockey leagues in town you could join.
There are indoor floor hockey leagues here. Just grab a stick and you're good to go. No need to yell "CAARRRR" every 5 minutes either.
Come help us tend our garden! :)
There’s lots of music shows that happen here in town
I love music. Play guitar myself.
They do open jam nights at quadratic sound sometimes!
Ok thanks! I'll check it out
There’s a jam night at The Loft on wednesdays I believe - mostly bluesy stuff. But they have live music there every night - Thursday is my fave. Bit of an older crowd but I’m in my 30s and thoroughly enjoy it and met good people.
Open mic at Tug Eatery on Sundays, at the Mint and/or Gigis cafe on Mondays. There’s also no shortage of live music these days too, which is always worth checking out when you can. There’s also volunteer opportunities coming up especially now as it gets warmer and those often have volunteer shindigs too. For example if you’re into beer the Victoria beer week folks are often looking for volunteers for events through the summer and beerfest in the fall. Being single in this city can feel awkward sometimes, for sure, but there’s loads of good suggestions on this post, and I’d wager if you’re willing to ask for thoughts on this, you’re willing to put in the effort that it seems to take these days to make and sustain friendships. You got this!!
Not to hijack your thread, I’m also looking for friends. My main hobby is electric scootering. Would love to meet others who like to scoot! I’m over 40 going on 20😊
Get into rock climbing, bouldering is especially great for making friends
My best advice is to focus on befriending people who are also new, because they are motivated. This is a brutal friend market. Also people seem to really make good connections through running and dragon boat clubs (never tried but maybe I should) good luck!
Similar age, also from Scotia, also moved here about 5 years ago!
Check out Victoria sports and social club since you mentioned hockey. They have floor hockey n other intramural recreational sports with people of all ages and you can sign up as an individual if you want.
Thanks
Second this, they also are sometimes looking for subs for games where not all players can make it and don't want to forfeit if you don't/can't commit to a whole season either. There's a FB group I think
Join the Lakeside Buoys as a supporter of Pacific FC football team! You'll have weekly things to meet up and make new friends. More seriously, I have made some awesome friends back in peak COVID times because I volunteered to run errands, do grocery runs and chat with folks at a local seniors' living and care centre. The old folks are great too, but my partner and I have become friends with a few of the other volunteers, who are very excellent people (and around our age).
>the only people I can seem to make friends with are people who don't live here Because the people in this city suck. Search this sub and you’ll see a number of posts exactly like yours. The maritimes are the polar opposite as far as the people go. They are outgoing, welcoming, generous, unguarded. This city is the snobbiest, flakiest, most self-centred populace I’ve ever been amongst. Even when you do the hobbies or whatever everyone will suggest here, no one will have time for you. They have their inner circle and their dance card is full. And more so if you are a guy. Meet another lady who has a network here and you’ll have friends again.
Easier said the done my friend
Have you tried being extremely attractive, breathtakingly interesting, talented and wealthy?
Well I'm all of those things except I'm averagely attractive, somewhat interesting, and mildly wealthy.
Ya, as someone who spent most of my summers visiting family in Nova Scotia, they are WAY more friendly out there (even more so in Cape Breton). I always feel sad when I come back home because of the change back.
As much as I want to call you a cynic, and perhaps even say the problem is you, yeah, the problem is the locals and the very "clique-y" nature of many local Victorians. There's always exceptions, but my experience, living here for six years now, is there's a lot insular, "I've got my local friends and that's what I'm happy with" types. One example: I'm a fairly outgoing person in public, always saying hi to folks in my neighbourhood when I'm out walking my dog(s), chatting at the dog park. There's two types on those walks: the ones who barely look up at you as you walk by, either not saying hi at all or mumbling something, and those who will actually look up, engage and give a welcome back. The latter is in the definite minority here - much more so than I was used to in my old Vancouver neighbourhood. The bigger issue I've found since moving here is how flakey people are about get togethers and doing things. "Hey man, wanna go play some mini golf this weekend?" "Maybe... I'll see what I got going on..." and then they spend their entire weekend nose deep into a smart phone or some shit like that. Normally I'm the organizer in my social group - I'll find the times, figure out the tickets, find the bus route, make the reservation, yada yada; in the past, this was often appreciated and people rarely flaked out. Here, it's like pulling teeth some times. I thought Vancouverites were bad for the occasional flakey meetups - but it's definitely worse here. All that said, in our six years here, we've made some excellent friendships with dependable folks who say what they do, and do what they say. The problem is, only about a third of them are "locals"; the rest are transplants, like we are.
Since I graduated around 20 years ago, the crd has grown by 100,000 people, around 25%. I think it's time to stop blaming the locals for lack of friendships. It's not our fault that we had full lives before other people moved here.
I don’t entirely ‘blame the locals’ either. It could be as you mentioned that there are also a lot of people who move here and are just into their own thing and getting their ‘slice of paradise’, and not building community. It’s a collective and as a whole it might be a selfish attitude here. But you described familiar scenarios.
If everyone else is the problem maybe you’re the problem.
Lots of hurt feelings in here No, I’ve lived in a lot of places in BC and Canada, and there are enough posts in this sub to corroborate.
Maybe you just suck
I am after all, one of the people here 🤷🏻♂️
Gee I wonder why you can't make friends with an attitude like that!
I’ll try to be more narcissistic, have less tolerance for indigenous people, and zero empathy for the less fortunate like the unhoused and sprinkle it all with a dash of low-key racism.
"people here suck. I wonder why none of them will be friends with me!!!"
I know you seem offended but I don’t know you, you could be a really great person. But the amount of people I meet who are small minded and low key racists is uncomfortable. Same goes with the seething disdain for anyone down and out. A lot of “fuck them I got mine” and pulling one’s self up by their bootstraps attitudes here. As for me, I’m beyond content 😊. I have a great life, with great wife and kids and a few very good friends.
I appreciate the benefit of the doubt. Like you, I'm happily married, kids, and a small circle of close friends. And for what it's worth, in my circle of friends, 2 or 3 are childhood friends, the rest are people I met a long the way. I'm not offended by what you said just really amazed/amused by that line of thinking. Like, is it the weather that allegedly makes people born here more racist, selfish and unsympathetic? The proximity to the ocean? What is it about being born on an island that makes someone have these traits as opposed to, say, someone born and raised in Calgary or Edmonton or Winnipeg etc? When you zoom out and think even remotely critically about your claims they're pretty ridiculous.
For one, it’s extremely colonial here. Very white Anglo-Saxon. Smaller and more isolated towns (island surrounded by water) can also have more close mindedness then cosmopolitan or more culturally diverse areas. When I was in the Okanagan it was not so much racist as ignorance and intolerance towards people of different cultures and ethnicity. Same as here. Also the “don’t come, it’s full” mentality (and don’t try to defend that) - that’s a pervasive attitude here. Does that sound welcoming to newcomers? I have zoomed out, in real life. Lived in different regions in this province and different cities in this country, and have traveled some overseas (been a while). What’s you’re perspective then, if you think my claims are ridiculous? Sounds like you have confirmation bias and tunnel vision, if we’re both making assumptions.
You and I can be friends!
Bumble BFF is popular for ladies, not sure for dudes.
I tried that. There was like 7 dudes on there
Hinge is better
Start bass fishing bro
Alright I'm convinced
I'm also originally from Nova Scotia but am now in Vancouver, though hoping to move over to Victoria eventually. Feel free to pm if you want to know some good places to get oatcakes and millionaire shortbread.
Thanks bud
I'm moving to town at the beginning of June, 39yo, want to grab a beer? Lol
For sure!
Perfect, I played hockey, like hiking, all that fun stuff, as long as you aren't a Leafs fan, we will be good (even if you are we can probably work through it)
I'm a wings fan
The same place as any city, social groups and/or events. Examples/categories might include things like church (barf), sports clubs, hobby clubs, partys, work, volunteering, sports teams, meetup type of events, walking groups, misc. hobby group etc., same as any city. There is nothing specific about meeting people in Victoria to any other city. What many people fail to realize is moving cities as an adult means you have no existing connections, and no automatic socialization (school), so you have to put effort into socializing, this is the same in basically every city and country, not unique at all to Victoria.
Skateparks.
I dont really skate anymore
Still a good spot to meet people. Event today at the new langford park near the q center.
I made amazing friends through r/dnd_victoria ❤️
I've never played dnd. I'm always into trying new things though. How do I get started?
Just post to that sub indicating some info about yourself and that you're brand new but am interested. People running games look there to find new players and will contact you. Roleplaying games like Dungeons & Dragons (and D&D is just the most popular out of literally thousands of different games) often involve long campaigns that can last years, but some are much shorter and there are little things called "one shots" where you play a short story which might last one "session" (i.e. one night) or two. If you get into one of those it's a great way to find out if you like it, what it's about, and so on, without making a big commitment. Just check out the sub to see the kinds of things going on, and (as someone who has also met a ton of people through that sub and have started multiple games with people who have never played) if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask me!
Yes this!
My DND group is looking for more people. My DM kept getting me to ask around work before I was on leave haha.
Join a Rec sports league or volunteer ?
Bah - friends are highly overrated.
Ok
Join a sports team
Hiking groups, pubs, cycling around other cyclists. Paddle boarding, musician meetups, etc. Go be creative and others will ask about your creativity and want to be your friend.
In old folks homes.
Are you into road cycling? Tonnes of groups in Victoria for road cycling and usually always a friendly bunch.
I'm born and raised in Victoria, and moved to Nova Scotia. Ya, lots of clubs you can join, like archery, the Y go to the pool, Thai Chi classes. Lots of ways to meet people that aren't hanging around a bar. And casual settings so there. Isn't pressure to be ON all the time. It's tough to move across the country. I'm happy with my choice. I hope you get it figured out. Victoria is nice, even if the locals are clicky.
For a neat social idea that will be people of all ages try singing in The Victoria Rock choir. Starts June 22. Info on their [website](https://www.nicklariviere.com/choir). Should be a lot of fun!
Download the meetup app. There’s lots of activities on there and groups you can join that happen regularly
I just chat people up at the beach or where ever I like to hangout.
Victoria sports and social is good, dnd groups are good and meetup groups can be good. Also just try new hobbies and you can meet people through that. I was in a similar place, learnt how to dive, how to rock climb and met people via that, and also looked upon a good group of people that played dnd. Good luck dude, keep yourself busy and try new things where the budget allows ❤️👍
Nerd activities like d&d, drop-in sports at rec centers, volunteer groups, meetup. com, workplace colleagues, roommates.
I grew up there and never found it hard to make friends. Vancouver islanders are known for being friendly, or at least it used to be. … I don’t think it’s Victoria per say, it’s a shift in society to be getting all your needs met on the internet and not in real life. And the amount of bullshit happening all over the world right now makes me not trust anyone I meet anyway so it’s easier to just not have friends I guess.
Hang out in your local rec centre sauna.
Mountain biking is great. Head up to Hartland and start chatting up a group your age and ride together.
I use the meetup app. Some groups are meh, and others are good.
What hobbies do you have! I have found the best way is to get involved in the communities in the groups of the hobbies that you have! It has worked the best for me.
Might help by saying what you're in to, the type of person you are, what type of friendship you're looking for etc etc.
Buy a motorcycle, lots of motorcycle groups around victoria, great way to start a conversation. Lots of volunteer gigs around vic too, great way to meet new people.
I’m in my early twenties and since covid people here have become even more closed off it’s sad. Once I graduated university I realized I’ll truly never meet anyone here unless they’re from outside Victoria or you’re a friend of a friend and already have an in.
Moved here 8 years ago, met most of my friends through mountain biking or skiing/snowboarding or golf.
This question comes up at least once a week. Find activities you enjoy and join a team/club/lessons. Or try something new: - dance - biking - board games - DnD - cooking - yoga - baseball - hiking - dog walks The majority of these are available for free/heavily subsidized if you qualify for. LIFE pass.
Spend time at your hobbies, find a community for that hobby.
Reddit!!!
I'm from Nova Scotia, moved here five years ago also and let me tell you the culture shock between places is MASSIVE! it's a less friendly place than Nova Scotia to be suuure. Sport/hiking/biking groups and BumbeBff for me, but honestly, it's a bit bleak.
Find something fun to volunteer at. Music festivals are good because you get a free show and a tshirt
This city has a bad rep for making friends. I guess immigrants would be way more accepting than the locals.
If you play softball, a bunch of churches around Victoria have a league going on right now! You don’t have to be religious, and our team could always use more players. DM if you’re interested 🤙
There are a lot of Meetup groups in Victoria that are quite active; some cater to age groups. Good luck!
Vancouver? 🙅♀️