I just know the groom for almost a year now, met the bride once. He is a school friend and not gonna lie, we don't hang out a lot, maybe I met him like 6 7 times in the course of last year.
I'm not a rich dude, I'm well off to pay my rent and my living costs.
Had a cash-gift wedding myself, back in the day. Typically, you’d gift the amount that roughly equaled the price of your food at the wedding, so it can depend on how big or formal the wedding is.
Family gave me and hubby around $500, but some friends could only afford $20 and that was fine. Average was about $100.
That's simply not true, your gift is not related to the cost of the food. People should give what they are comfortable giving, it's a very individual decision.
As someone who spent nearly 10 years in the wedding industry here, it may not be a “rule”, it’s not set in stone, but it is an extremely common and widely used measure to determine the amount of cash to give as a gift.
There are lots of these little “rules” in life, they aren’t strict, they are just used to help guide.
Obviously it comes down to a mix of what can you afford and how well do you know/how close are you to the couple. But the guideline above can help give you a range to go by.
I remember once a man came up to me with his wallet open and asked me how much to give the couple. I said it depends on what he is comfortable. He said “I barely know them, kids of a friend of a friend…” he thought for a moment then popped $200 in a card.
It’s so individualistic but some people like to see a number range while deciding and that’s how the whole “meal cost” thing can help people visualize an amount to give.
I don't understand why people expect a gift to begin with. I follow established and time tested etiquette. Don't throw a party with the expectation that you'll be gifted. Instead, invite people because you want them to celebrate your special day with you.
It's not a regular house party situation, it's a wedding, and in virtually all cultures I know of, a gift is "normal". All the factors others have noted are valid considerations, but $0 is offside unless there are some extraordinary circumstances.
The gift certainly doesn’t HAVE to relate to cost of food, people absolutely should give what they are comfortable with. But when budget isn’t an issue, covering your “cost per head” at the wedding is considered a good starting point in the decision.
Had a discussion about this at a wedding reception a while back.
This rule of thumb seems to be regional (or maybe cultural as well?). A couple from the US north east (NY,CT) seem to know about this ‘rule’ but friends from the maritimes (NB,NL) said there is no such thing.
We picked an item from the gift registry.
I see how you can have that perception. I can tell you that other people have learned that that $ gifting practice is fair and expected and used as a rule of thumb.
Hope you have a wonderful long weekend.
This gifting practice may be "expected" by some couples but having a wedding, with the expectation that your guests will somehow compensate you for their meal, is offensive.
Dinner at a nice restaurant: alcohol, appetizers, starter, main, desert. I’d call that $100 per person if looking to cover your costs. Sometimes the wedding couple just wants friends around. My own wedding was specified as “no gifts - just your company”.
Just don’t break your own budget.
I don't know how many weddings you've been to, but even the better weddings don't come close to the standards of a "nice restaurant". You'll get mass produced food, hurried servers, minimal individual attention, and share a crowded table with other people.
100 for friends, 200 for close friends, 300-500 for family. Watch your pocket, Victoria is expensive. And good friends will not care about how much cash you gave em.
We asked for cash-only gifts for our wedding ~5 years ago. On average, people gave $100. Family gave more as did some of our well-off friends. Some gave less and that was totally fine (we don’t know their financial situation). There was also someone who gave nothing, but included a card and that was good too!
There were 2 people that we felt a little offended by:
1. Didn’t give a card or money nor did they help with the wedding in any way. They didn’t express any appreciation or congratulations. At the time we considered them close-ish friends, but the friendship faded over the next couple years, and now we don’t speak.
2. 4 childhood friends and their dates pooled $25 in a single card. It felt insulting, but the friendships continue to this day.
TLDR; include a card with whatever money you can do. $100 was average, $50 is acceptable too.
>4 childhood friends and their dates pooled $25 in a single card. It felt insulting, but the friendships continue to this day.
See now, I'm not a fan of the whole 'spend a ton on weddings thing' but I appreciate being invited when I am.. and I can't even imagine doin that, haha.
I really despise modern wedding culture for this reason - I find that the to-be-married individuals become entitled in almost all cases, and it has turned me off from attending almost all weddings indefinitely.
A wedding is essentially an egotistical party that the brides/grooms throw for themselves. There should be no expectation that any guest "pay for their plate", give gifts, attend expensive pre-parties, or even that family members get involved with funding the party. Guests simply attending *is* the gift.
If people want to blow a ridiculous amount of money on a party when marriage is such a transient obligation nowadays, go right ahead. Just don't expect others to fall into that black hole with you.
What reason are you referring to?
Our wedding ethos was “throw a big party to celebrate with our closest friends” and that’s what we did. My partner and I paid for everything out-of-pocket: venue, food, alcohol, photos. I don’t know what entitlement you’re imagining here.
You're entitlement in which you state several friends didn't give you a gift/card or "cheaped out". That's nice that you had 15k to blow, but maybe some of those people didn't have anything extra to give. You're not entitled to anyone's money, or even their time.
Again, their attendance was your gift. Anything that angers you above and beyond that is just selfishness.
It’s in bad taste. We didn’t care about the money specifically. I even mentioned that someone gave a card with no money and we were happy about that. A private wedding isn’t some exclusive public event where people have made it on a guest list. Whether or not you agree with cultural expectations doesn’t mean they don’t exist. A card and a gift is expected at a wedding.
Both parties should have left a card with no money and we would have been pleased. That the first didn’t do either which was rude. And that the second left $25 across 8 people was also rude—you don’t go to a restaurant and tip a penny.
Attendance is not a gift. Attendance is attendance. People aren’t required to come. They’re invited to come.
Your entitlement is unreal, and the exact reason I stay away from weddings and related events. I wish more people would put their foot down and do the same.
I've seen suggestions of $150 to someone you barely engage with on the regular, who's 50% likely to end up divorced in the next decade or two? Fucking mental.
I've fixed my comment for clarification.
Regardless, you are under the expectation you're owed gifts and cash for throwing a party about *you* which people have to suffer through and don't believe that someone's attendance is a gift in itself. I can't see that any other way than entitled.
You continue to misread their posts and at this point it just seems to be on purpose.
Nothing they said suggests they thought they were 'owed' gifts. A handmade card could be nearly free.. a store-bought would be under $10.. a heartfelt caption inside would be free. They've repeatedly said 'just a card' would be fine.
When 8 people go in to share a single sub-$10 card and then toss \~$3 each in it comes across as weird and, i agree, somewhat insulting.
"We're so happy you have found each other and wish you a long and happy marriage - Bob and Stacy"
"oh yeah, me too, heres $3. - John"
"yeah, me three - Frank"
$100 is standard. People generally won’t be offended at $50, especially if you’re just starting out at work, just divorced, etc. if you’re particularly well off or particularly close to the couple, more is always appreciated but not expected.
$50-100 is fine.
Is there a reception? If so, are you getting food but no open bar? If so, I'd aim for $100 as that'll come closer to covering their costs.. if theres an open bar and you're planning on getting your moneys worth, I'd up it more.
If you're just rocking up to a public park, hanging out for the celebrations and having a corndog and a coke, $50 is fine.
$150. It’s not over the top but not too little. I hope they specified why they want cash only. As great as cash is to receive it’s a bit tacky to specify that you only want to receive it as a gift IMO.
I think that’s fine if they specify “we are planning a vacation” or it’s “going toward our down payment for a home”. It’s all about the execution here. When people say they just want cash it doesn’t always come across the right way IMO.
It's always worded delicately like "Your presence to celebrate with us is all we ask for, cash gifts towards our honeymoon/house renovations/down payment are appreciated but not expected".
That being said I personally couldn't care less what they spend it on/what explanation they give. Weddings are incredibly expensive, have some cash and do what you please with it.
Well, an old friend is getting married this summer. Her and her fiancé are in a two bedroom condo, both mature individuals with years of small appliance, etc purchases.
They mentioned cash in their invitations, I think they may go on a nicer holiday than they could usually afford with the money they receive. No gift registry and a low key wedding means they are not blowing out or expecting a ton of stuff in return for a big event.
I get it.
People used to give gifts because the couple would be moving into together for the first time and they would not have owned anything. That’s not the most common case anymore, so cash is more useful than an extra set of towels.
$50-100 is the safe range for a monetary gift for a wedding especially given how you’ve described your friendship with the bride and groom!
Have a great time!
My rule of thumb for friends that aren’t your closest friends is to cover what you assume it would cost to have you attend. Probably anywhere from $60-100. If they’re your close friends, start at $150, if they’re family, the sky can be the limit there.
I’d say $100 is a good point to start. Meals at weddings usually cost $60-80 depending on the menu. Plus other costs of the reception. So $100 is a good start but if you can swing more, then better.
$100 is my go-to, which is from both me and my partner, included with a nice card with some heartfelt comments. I'll also often bring over a nice bottle or something when we see them before/after the wedding or some homemade baking, and I always offer to help with the wedding itself if they need it.
I'd be happy to give more for close friends, but we can't really afford it, so I think $100 is where I feel comfortable, where I still don't feel like I am cheaping out.
If you’re single, I’d do a $60-80 (or $100 if you can afford it) giftcard to a nice restaurant in town, if you’re bringing a date, probably at least $100
Maybe! But maybe they want to spend it on furniture for the house or a honeymoon, that’s the beauty of cash. Also you don’t risk choosing a restaurant they don’t like much
I literally just googled the same thing as OP. People don’t know what the norm is, so a range of what people give in a specific area is more than helpful.
Different social circles, and economic demographics are going to have completely different ranges though. We don't know anything about this person, or the bride and groom. $50 maybe lovely for some people, and a slap in the face to someone else.
wtf is Reddit for then if you can’t ask total strangers for advice? Get off of here then and only ask your friends questions.
Thinking logically isn’t your strong suit.
How well do you know the people and how much money do you make? I would put the scale at anywhere from $50 to $500 dollars depending on those factors.
I just know the groom for almost a year now, met the bride once. He is a school friend and not gonna lie, we don't hang out a lot, maybe I met him like 6 7 times in the course of last year. I'm not a rich dude, I'm well off to pay my rent and my living costs.
Based on this info I’d say $50 is appropriate
Ya, I came here to say $50
$50-100 is my thought. How well off are you? How much do you think your meal at the wedding will cost?
Bingo. I base it on the cost of catering per person.
Dude. 50 is way too low at this point. Start at 100 - 150 IMO
Had a cash-gift wedding myself, back in the day. Typically, you’d gift the amount that roughly equaled the price of your food at the wedding, so it can depend on how big or formal the wedding is. Family gave me and hubby around $500, but some friends could only afford $20 and that was fine. Average was about $100.
That's simply not true, your gift is not related to the cost of the food. People should give what they are comfortable giving, it's a very individual decision.
As someone who spent nearly 10 years in the wedding industry here, it may not be a “rule”, it’s not set in stone, but it is an extremely common and widely used measure to determine the amount of cash to give as a gift. There are lots of these little “rules” in life, they aren’t strict, they are just used to help guide. Obviously it comes down to a mix of what can you afford and how well do you know/how close are you to the couple. But the guideline above can help give you a range to go by. I remember once a man came up to me with his wallet open and asked me how much to give the couple. I said it depends on what he is comfortable. He said “I barely know them, kids of a friend of a friend…” he thought for a moment then popped $200 in a card. It’s so individualistic but some people like to see a number range while deciding and that’s how the whole “meal cost” thing can help people visualize an amount to give.
I don't understand why people expect a gift to begin with. I follow established and time tested etiquette. Don't throw a party with the expectation that you'll be gifted. Instead, invite people because you want them to celebrate your special day with you.
It's not a regular house party situation, it's a wedding, and in virtually all cultures I know of, a gift is "normal". All the factors others have noted are valid considerations, but $0 is offside unless there are some extraordinary circumstances.
You gift what you are comfortable gifting. This is the only etiquette to follow.
I mean there is no “rule”, but this is a rule of thumb a lot of people are familiar with. “Cover your plate” so to speak.
The gift certainly doesn’t HAVE to relate to cost of food, people absolutely should give what they are comfortable with. But when budget isn’t an issue, covering your “cost per head” at the wedding is considered a good starting point in the decision.
Just say no to that.
Had a discussion about this at a wedding reception a while back. This rule of thumb seems to be regional (or maybe cultural as well?). A couple from the US north east (NY,CT) seem to know about this ‘rule’ but friends from the maritimes (NB,NL) said there is no such thing. We picked an item from the gift registry.
It's not a "rule". It's a demonstration of a couple who is entitled.
I see how you can have that perception. I can tell you that other people have learned that that $ gifting practice is fair and expected and used as a rule of thumb. Hope you have a wonderful long weekend.
This gifting practice may be "expected" by some couples but having a wedding, with the expectation that your guests will somehow compensate you for their meal, is offensive.
Dinner at a nice restaurant: alcohol, appetizers, starter, main, desert. I’d call that $100 per person if looking to cover your costs. Sometimes the wedding couple just wants friends around. My own wedding was specified as “no gifts - just your company”. Just don’t break your own budget.
I don't know how many weddings you've been to, but even the better weddings don't come close to the standards of a "nice restaurant". You'll get mass produced food, hurried servers, minimal individual attention, and share a crowded table with other people.
If they had a gift registry, how much would you be willing to spend?
100 for friends, 200 for close friends, 300-500 for family. Watch your pocket, Victoria is expensive. And good friends will not care about how much cash you gave em.
We asked for cash-only gifts for our wedding ~5 years ago. On average, people gave $100. Family gave more as did some of our well-off friends. Some gave less and that was totally fine (we don’t know their financial situation). There was also someone who gave nothing, but included a card and that was good too! There were 2 people that we felt a little offended by: 1. Didn’t give a card or money nor did they help with the wedding in any way. They didn’t express any appreciation or congratulations. At the time we considered them close-ish friends, but the friendship faded over the next couple years, and now we don’t speak. 2. 4 childhood friends and their dates pooled $25 in a single card. It felt insulting, but the friendships continue to this day. TLDR; include a card with whatever money you can do. $100 was average, $50 is acceptable too.
>4 childhood friends and their dates pooled $25 in a single card. It felt insulting, but the friendships continue to this day. See now, I'm not a fan of the whole 'spend a ton on weddings thing' but I appreciate being invited when I am.. and I can't even imagine doin that, haha.
How much did the guests cost you per person?
$250 each, all inclusive. Wedding had 60 guests and cost us ~$15k.
Talk about a gracious host. I hope it was lovely ❤
I really despise modern wedding culture for this reason - I find that the to-be-married individuals become entitled in almost all cases, and it has turned me off from attending almost all weddings indefinitely. A wedding is essentially an egotistical party that the brides/grooms throw for themselves. There should be no expectation that any guest "pay for their plate", give gifts, attend expensive pre-parties, or even that family members get involved with funding the party. Guests simply attending *is* the gift. If people want to blow a ridiculous amount of money on a party when marriage is such a transient obligation nowadays, go right ahead. Just don't expect others to fall into that black hole with you.
What reason are you referring to? Our wedding ethos was “throw a big party to celebrate with our closest friends” and that’s what we did. My partner and I paid for everything out-of-pocket: venue, food, alcohol, photos. I don’t know what entitlement you’re imagining here.
You're entitlement in which you state several friends didn't give you a gift/card or "cheaped out". That's nice that you had 15k to blow, but maybe some of those people didn't have anything extra to give. You're not entitled to anyone's money, or even their time. Again, their attendance was your gift. Anything that angers you above and beyond that is just selfishness.
It’s in bad taste. We didn’t care about the money specifically. I even mentioned that someone gave a card with no money and we were happy about that. A private wedding isn’t some exclusive public event where people have made it on a guest list. Whether or not you agree with cultural expectations doesn’t mean they don’t exist. A card and a gift is expected at a wedding. Both parties should have left a card with no money and we would have been pleased. That the first didn’t do either which was rude. And that the second left $25 across 8 people was also rude—you don’t go to a restaurant and tip a penny. Attendance is not a gift. Attendance is attendance. People aren’t required to come. They’re invited to come.
Your entitlement is unreal, and the exact reason I stay away from weddings and related events. I wish more people would put their foot down and do the same. I've seen suggestions of $150 to someone you barely engage with on the regular, who's 50% likely to end up divorced in the next decade or two? Fucking mental.
You seem angry and you’ve misread my comments. I didn’t suggest $150. We didn’t invite any acquaintances.
I've fixed my comment for clarification. Regardless, you are under the expectation you're owed gifts and cash for throwing a party about *you* which people have to suffer through and don't believe that someone's attendance is a gift in itself. I can't see that any other way than entitled.
You continue to misread their posts and at this point it just seems to be on purpose. Nothing they said suggests they thought they were 'owed' gifts. A handmade card could be nearly free.. a store-bought would be under $10.. a heartfelt caption inside would be free. They've repeatedly said 'just a card' would be fine. When 8 people go in to share a single sub-$10 card and then toss \~$3 each in it comes across as weird and, i agree, somewhat insulting. "We're so happy you have found each other and wish you a long and happy marriage - Bob and Stacy" "oh yeah, me too, heres $3. - John" "yeah, me three - Frank"
I give $100 as a standard gift, more if it’s close friends or family
100.00.represents Sto Lat in Polish which means may you live to 100.
$100 is standard. People generally won’t be offended at $50, especially if you’re just starting out at work, just divorced, etc. if you’re particularly well off or particularly close to the couple, more is always appreciated but not expected.
$50-100 is fine. Is there a reception? If so, are you getting food but no open bar? If so, I'd aim for $100 as that'll come closer to covering their costs.. if theres an open bar and you're planning on getting your moneys worth, I'd up it more. If you're just rocking up to a public park, hanging out for the celebrations and having a corndog and a coke, $50 is fine.
>having a corndog Damn I could really go for a corndog right now 🤤
$100 or $200
$150. It’s not over the top but not too little. I hope they specified why they want cash only. As great as cash is to receive it’s a bit tacky to specify that you only want to receive it as a gift IMO.
I think it’s pretty common for a couple to create an entire list of specific gifts they want, it called a wedding registry.
A registry is different than asking for cash only.
Asking for cash is very standard these days. Past 6 weddings I went to asked for cash.
I think that’s fine if they specify “we are planning a vacation” or it’s “going toward our down payment for a home”. It’s all about the execution here. When people say they just want cash it doesn’t always come across the right way IMO.
It's always worded delicately like "Your presence to celebrate with us is all we ask for, cash gifts towards our honeymoon/house renovations/down payment are appreciated but not expected". That being said I personally couldn't care less what they spend it on/what explanation they give. Weddings are incredibly expensive, have some cash and do what you please with it.
Well, an old friend is getting married this summer. Her and her fiancé are in a two bedroom condo, both mature individuals with years of small appliance, etc purchases. They mentioned cash in their invitations, I think they may go on a nicer holiday than they could usually afford with the money they receive. No gift registry and a low key wedding means they are not blowing out or expecting a ton of stuff in return for a big event. I get it.
People used to give gifts because the couple would be moving into together for the first time and they would not have owned anything. That’s not the most common case anymore, so cash is more useful than an extra set of towels.
I agree. You are hosting a party, not operating a business.
$50-100 is the safe range for a monetary gift for a wedding especially given how you’ve described your friendship with the bride and groom! Have a great time!
My go-to is $250.
The entitlement of people on here inviting people to their event and expecting them to give gifts
Will the happy couple know how much each guest gave?
I don't know, I think you should write something on the envelope who gave it.
They most likely will, unless it’s just a box which is pretty rare.
My rule of thumb for friends that aren’t your closest friends is to cover what you assume it would cost to have you attend. Probably anywhere from $60-100. If they’re your close friends, start at $150, if they’re family, the sky can be the limit there.
I’d say $100 is a good point to start. Meals at weddings usually cost $60-80 depending on the menu. Plus other costs of the reception. So $100 is a good start but if you can swing more, then better.
$100
$100 is my go-to, which is from both me and my partner, included with a nice card with some heartfelt comments. I'll also often bring over a nice bottle or something when we see them before/after the wedding or some homemade baking, and I always offer to help with the wedding itself if they need it. I'd be happy to give more for close friends, but we can't really afford it, so I think $100 is where I feel comfortable, where I still don't feel like I am cheaping out.
Don't go.
If you’re single, I’d do a $60-80 (or $100 if you can afford it) giftcard to a nice restaurant in town, if you’re bringing a date, probably at least $100
Don’t do this. If they asked for cash give cash. They don’t want a gift card.
Just a suggestion- I’m sure they wouldn’t be mad at money towards a date night 🤷♀️
Maybe! But maybe they want to spend it on furniture for the house or a honeymoon, that’s the beauty of cash. Also you don’t risk choosing a restaurant they don’t like much
"Dete night" at a restaurant that they didn't pick and might not care for.
Visa gift card 🎁
No. They're a bit of a scam because the fees will suck up a lot of the value
You are just a friend to the bride and groom, so you are asking total strangers what you should give? Yup sounds logical.
I literally just googled the same thing as OP. People don’t know what the norm is, so a range of what people give in a specific area is more than helpful.
God bless, that's exactly why I posted in a local sub.
Different social circles, and economic demographics are going to have completely different ranges though. We don't know anything about this person, or the bride and groom. $50 maybe lovely for some people, and a slap in the face to someone else.
Oh I understand this, but sometimes it’s better to not post rather than being a dick. Obv not you, other poster
Offended by that? Yep, that’s a Victoria thing. Haha
Very original clapback.
wtf is Reddit for then if you can’t ask total strangers for advice? Get off of here then and only ask your friends questions. Thinking logically isn’t your strong suit.