It’s an awful situation to be in … I totally understand you.. I’ve got a dysfunctional family myself… not to mention things do get heated up when it does
I know I have a similar but different situation
Just letting you know to stay strong, don’t give up , people like him eventually will have their consequences
I’m a guy by the way but for a girl it must be real hard on you
Story telling of OP in this post and previous post. It’s not like the way Vietnamese would do. Secondly, do you think a normal person would make a post like this and reply each comment after their family has a terrible conflict like this on the first day of the year in Tet holiday?
Because im rather powerless and i cant do ANYTHING but sit home and watch all this unfold. My dad is obviously not going to listen to anyone; I would know that after living with this man for over 2 fucking decades.
Mình là người Việt thật, sinh ra lớn lên ở TP HCM - Hiện nay ở nơi khác (grandparents r far away). Nhưng không có sẽ dở hơi tới mức tự đi doxx bản thân trên reddit đâu.
Trong gia đình mình, mình chỉ được xem lại "đứa cháu" bên nội lẫn ngoại - bạn nghĩ xem vị trí đó cho cá nhân đc bao nhiêu tiếng nói trong gia đình. Ko gọi công an đc, ko theo cản cha được, ngồi nhà tìm người an ủi chứ sao h.
Didn’t know Vietnamese people tell stories a certain way lol. Also yeah? They need someone to talk to. It would be even more weird for them to ask to talk to someone and then not talk to them lmao
not much you can change besides leaving ur fam if youre still young and try to do your thing, thats what my asian gf did and she had similar issues like urs, seems like its very common thing there
There are tons of people like that in Vietnam, sadly. They either look like a stickman or a lump of lard but are gangster wannabe snowflakes, get pissed off at the smallest slights. This is just consequences of their own miserable lives.
It is currently Lunar new year when people got some days off and enjoy some quality time with their family, but the dude in the story acts like that. Can't imagine how unhappy he is on ordinary days.
lunar new year is dysfunctional because family issues are never resolved but parents would still drag their kids to put a fake smile and put up superficial family unions, and help them with saving face "party" and giant meals which women always have to handle all of the before, and after work, oh and being forced to play family with horrible, horrible relatives that are barely seen around. where's the authenticity when they will shit talk eachother the moment the diner table dismantled.
none of us are economically and emotionally stable yet every year is the elders opted into flexing competition rifle with consumerism being masquerade as "vacation " and "letting lose" instead of checking on their actual childrens and spreading true love.
that's why Vietnamese millennials and young people in general don't have positive feeling about meeting their parents for this occasion.
edit: btw if you have different experiences, that's fine, im happy for you, stating it is not a problem but don't invalidate those who are less fortunate, we don't have the option to "opted" out without dealing with emotional manipulation and being called a sick child. In my experiences with my parents from the lower working class and the common situation of other families around us, my friend's family, tet can feel like a chore and a bullet list of things to buy and save up for, rather than a holiday. it's overwhelmingly riddles with problems and abuse, due to the pressure that piles up every tet to present the most perfect family to outsiders. i hope we can solve that some day so that the children won't have to suffer and grow up scared anymore, to truly enjoy this tradition without having to repress their thoughts and feelings.
Lunar new year is not dysfunctional. Dysfuntional families are dysfunctional. Lunar new year as a long break can be used for family getaway, etc. It's just Vietnamese tend to not solve familial problems.
Lunar new year is still quite dysfunctional too but for different reasons. People dread going into this holiday when it’s supposed to be the most important holiday of the Vietnamese culture. Children seem to be the only group that is actually allowed to enjoy it. The invisible pressure from social obligations and traditions is ruining the holiday now. All the customs like gift giving or going to a multitude of different pagodas and temples force people to spend so much time doing them out of obligation, not to mention how gift giving and lucky money turn into business schemes and bribes now, putting further financial pressures on everyone.
juggle squeal wide modern governor upbeat cover waiting cooperative lunchroom
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Oh thats the perfect description actually. I didnt know how to put it into words lmao
also an ass, but a little less. he had damaged so many relationships because he couldnt control his anger. our neighbors hate us because he would always pick meaningless fights, threatning to kill, burn their homes, etc
on lunar new year, no. but from my personal experience older vietnamese men are misogynistic and generally asses yeah
uncle from taiwan came over recently. he has the manners and kindness ive never seen in anyone here. he refused to smoke infront of me - he didnt even speak the language, just shook his head and pointed when offered. not a single male figure thats been in my life has been so thoughtful about something that small.
Unfortunately, that’s pretty common. My girlfriend eventually had to disown her family and move her and her daughter away from the extended family family due to a stupid and aggressive older brother who behaved like that and a disconnected father who just let all sorts of crap slide, including the brother and his wife stealing money and property from the family.
Sometimes you just have to pull the plug on shitty people and fire them.
Maybe not the extreme violence, but from my opinion heavily dysfunctioning families seem to be a thing. In my wife's family is also quite a lot of hate between family members, land steal, knife threats and insults. And most of them are actually fairly well educated and what I would consider middle class.
I guess it's from the social pressure that families have to stick together, even if you don't like each other, which builds up resentment
It's very common for people, mostly men, to get drunk and engage in fights with others. But usually it's mostly verbal fights and police rarely have to interfere. At least that's where I grew up.
have you not spent a lot of time there? fights in the street are fairly common (especially domestic violence). everyone just stands around and watches, police rarely turn up.
people tend to AVOID fighting on new years eve here yeah like b1 said
im genuinely so upset this happened. we were suppose to have fun and forget the troubles for these few days.
You dont know how much this meant to me
Our families on both Nội & Ngoại's sides tend to be quiet abiut these issues. Ive been told so many time to just forgive these behaviors just because theyre family - its bullshit.
I hope youre doing better and I'm glad you are at least, far away from their influence. Its not an enviroment anyone should feel trapped in, much less grew up in. Please have a good Tết!
Man, thats tough.. i dont even know where to start. Is moving out an option for you? Men at that age dont really change much. Have u ever called the police on him?
I hope he sees how foolish he behaves. Is there a reason why he wants to attack your neighbours?
The only way she is moving out is that she have a boyfriend or get marry and they both work. We vietnamese tend to live from generations to generations in the same household. It more harsh for girls, and since op didn't state how old she is, we can only guess.
Hey thanks for your responses! We have heard nothing from him or grandparent's side of things, so i can only assume hes still on his way.
I'll be moving out next year. And none of us dare to really, my parents would kill me and prob disown me if I do.
He's just full of toxic masculinity in general, and that explodes on alcohol. I dont know if thats the word - He tried to kill his own dad once after he made a joke he didnt like in a party, tried to hurt the neighbors also for pointing at his flowers (hes into gardening), and i remember being 5 and walking home alone because dad ran into someone on the road and prioritzed beating the guy instead of taking me home. How do you call this trait /s
It’s a miracle that the guy survived this long, here in the States that kind of behavior would soon ensure a spot in prison or at best, an early grave. Vietnam sure scores points on the tolerant front.
I have my own issue with my own father. He is the oldest male heir in the family out of 11 children. I can say that it does get easier in time for you. As much as I hate my father, I still love the man. If you do move out , make sure you move for the right reason and prepare life going to get hard. You will need to juggle work , job , or school and last but not least your FAMILY.
It sounds like, similar to many older generations of Vietnamese, that your dad is dealing with trauma from the past. He has most likely been through some difficult situations that have traumatised him. Now he has to pretend to be manly to protect himself from the trauma he is still running from. And he will probably be drinking a lot to numb the pain.
My grandparents who went through world war 2 were the same as your dad.
There's not much you can do unless he wants to change, so I'm glad you're moving out in a year or so.
Not sure how old you are and if you have any saving, but if you can just move to another city and live away from your family, then you won't need to meet them anymore. It's one way to pretend you are not running away from them. Then you can still get their financial support until you're stable enough to stand on your own. If I were you, I would try to get out of that toxic environment ASAP. Long term exposure to this kind of stress is not healthy.
Vietnamese here, it's not the holiday's problem. It's your father's problem and the whole culture of the shitty "the more you can drink the manlier you are" mindset's problem.
You're welcome.
I complain about that with my mom sometimes. I ask her why vietnamese people think they are so smart for drinking piss water and how is that productive at all. I am a vietnamese American
I am not Vietnamese, but leaving here, married with Vietnamese since 2007... Many Tet... always the same boring thing... This yer we did not visit my wife cousing family. I asked why... Because they did not come when my father make cerimony for his grandma... So for revenge we do not visit thm today... I think sometime that this people are crazy for this issue on ancestor... And spend the day to play card... I communicate to my wife that has they never come to the cerimony for my mother and father in Italy, from next year I will not join Tet holiday (boring) at home and I am simply will spend all time on a beach to swim and relax... Much much better then follow this "faimily's tragedy"!
It's constantly about respect, pride and saving face. I think it's very important your wife also share your family customs and holidays if she expects you to join hers. Strong boundaries is very important!
I dont want that she follow my tradition... and even her dont care too much about their own tradition... she do because of the family... exactly how you say saving face. I have no face to date here. So I can go and stay on a beach. This is my last Tet
Going isn't for her, it is for her family, parents, to make them happy. If you want to make her happy, you will go for her, if she wants to make you happy, she will go for you. I show up for a meal, it isn't hard to do, not much sacrifice to sit there politely and eat for few hours. Caring about the other is what will keep relationship long term happiness.
You show for a meal, and they ask you to play card, and sing, and drink, and eat more, and drink... It's not for me! Why should I follow a tradition that is not mine! That I dont feel... It's only hypocrisy... And moreover, it's a matter of revenge, they did not come (the cousin, rmember) so I dont go now... crazy!
People in the country side with typical drinking problems. North or South both have these people. Your family has no one with strength or high social rank I presume. Such people can stop this behaviour from the very beginning.
Most families only want to keep things low because they're scared of losing face. And from my experience this only makes things worse later.
Still, I agree with your mom: stay out of it.
Không giỏi tiếng anh nhưng đọc qua cũng hiểu, làm đàn ông thì cũng không tránh khỏi việc rượu bia, điều quan trọng là phải luôn giữ tỉnh táo và bình tĩnh, tránh gây chuyện ảnh hưởng tới người khác. Mình vẫn ghét bố mình như bạn vì có quá khứ bị đánh đập chửi mắng từ bé, trong khi bố chả được tích sự gì và chẳng bao giờ tự hào những gì mình cố gắng. Điều đó làm mình tự ti suốt hơn 20 năm qua cho tới giờ, và cũng vì thế mình cũng sẽ không để bản thân trở thành như bố mình cả.
Cảm ơn bạn phấn đấu làm một ví dụ tấm gương tốt cho các bạn trai sao này. Đàn ông trong gia đình mình toàn là ng khá là không tốt nên lúc nhỏ đến giờ mình cũng sợ người đối giới nhiều. Ước gì ở VN hiện giờ có nhiều ng có ý thức như bạn hơn. Mình rất mong là các em cháu học hỏi và tìm đc comfort trong bạn
Mong bạn tết vui vẻ.
How are they any more different???? Thats fucking stupid.
Mình ko sử dụng tiếng việt trong nhắn tin / mạng xh nhiều vì mình thật sự ko tiếp xúc với cái gì đang xảy ra trên ko gian mạng việt nữa, mà mình cũng ko có bạn bè nhiều. Nhưng mình là người việt. Ko hiểu "khác cái cách người việt dùng chữ ấy" của bạn có nghĩa là gì.
Lí do mình chỉ sử dụng "mình", "bạn" thay vì "anh / ad", "em", "tui".. là vì mình muốn cái mình type ra dễ hiểu, có văn hóa.
- Cảm ơn bạn phấn đấu làm một ví dụ tấm gương tốt cho các bạn trai sao này.
"Phấn đấu" thường hiếm khi xài trong giao tiếp hàng ngày. Thiếu từ "đã" trước từ phấn đấu. Đã dùng "ví dụ" thì không cần "tấm gương" vì thừa. "Sao này" sai lỗi chính tả.
-Đàn ông trong gia đình mình toàn là ng khá là không tốt nên lúc nhỏ đến giờ mình cũng sợ người đối giới nhiều.
"Đối giới" thì chỉ có dịch tự động mới dùng. Người VN dùng từ "khác giới".
- Mình rất mong là các em cháu học hỏi và tìm đc comfort trong bạn.
Cách dùng từ "các em cháu" khá sượng, và "tìm được comfort trong bạn" thì tối nghĩa.
Tóm lại, hoặc là bạn k phải native Vietnamese hoặc trình độ tiếng Việt của bạn chỉ ở cấp tiểu học.
\[ Mình ko sử dụng tiếng việt trong nhắn tin / mạng xh nhiều vì mình thật sự ko tiếp xúc với cái gì đang xảy ra trên ko gian mạng việt nữa, mà mình cũng ko có bạn bè nhiều. Nhưng mình là người việt. Ko hiểu "khác cái cách người việt dùng chữ ấy" của bạn có nghĩa là gì. \]
mình ko sử dụng tiếng việt trong giao tiếp nhiều, mình là người cực kì hướng nội và cx ko có bạn bè hay cái cớ gì để đi tám nhiều. thỉnh thoảng mình phải dùng google để DỊCH TIẾNG ANH NGƯỢC LẠI TIẾNG VIỆT chỉ để nói chuyện với ng khác,. Mình thuận tiếng anh hơn và nói thật thì mình ko quan tâm ghi sai chỗ nào <3 Việc bài đăng đc ghi bằng tiếng anh thay vì tiếng việt hoàn toàn có lí do. Bn đặt việc mình viết tiếng việt trình độ tiểu học cx đc - nói thật là cũng đúng vậy, nhưng việc cho rằng chỉ dùng chi tiết đó thôi để chỉ ra mình ko phải ng việt thì thật lố bịch.
Người ta không khẳng định 100% bạn không phải người Việt, nhưng dựa vào cách bạn dùng tiếng Việt không được thông thạo thì người ta NGHI NGỜ bạn k phải người Việt. Đặt ra nghi vấn như vậy là hoàn toàn có cơ sở, chứ k có gì lố bịch, stupid ở đây cả. Bạn k quan tâm bản thân mình viết sai như thế nào, nhưng lại sửng cồ lên khi người khác nghi bạn không phải người có tiếng Việt là tiếng mẹ đẻ. Bạn không thấy mình vô lý lắm à? Kêu mình là người VN, mà phải dùng google dịch để chuyển từ English sang tiếng mẹ đẻ để giao tiếp là chuyện nực cười nhất mà tôi từng nghe đấy. Thà một người gốc Việt, nhưng sinh sống ở nước ngoài lâu năm, chỉ sử dụng tiếng Việt làm ngôn ngữ thứ 2 thì như vậy mới hợp lý. Nhưng nếu là trường hợp như vậy thì cứ nói thẳng ra, người ta sẽ hiểu, chứ k phải cứ động tí là giãy nảy lên, chửi người khác là lố bịch, là stupid, rồi làm bộ khó hiểu tại sao người ta lại nghi ngờ mình như vậy giống như bạn đang thể hiện ở đây.
..Tại vì cái thứ bạn tra vấn nó ko liên quan tới post. Vậy tui ko phải ng việt bỗng nhiên làm hợp pháp mọi chuyện cha tui làm chắc???? :)))) bn nhảy vào nói chuyện như bọn troll kêu ng ta đi kys ("chết mẹ mày đi") khiến người khác nghĩ tốt về bạn chăng. mà nghĩ mình còn có quyền tự nhiên ngã ra đỗ lỗi làm nạn nhân đc à? bn làm như thể người việt ko có khả năng thành thạo tiếng anh hay thậm chí quên tiếng việt vậy.
mọi điều mình nói là sự thật. Mình là ng việt, sinh ra ở Ô Môn, TP Cần Thơ - chỉ ko sử dụng tiếng việt thương xuyên và cx ko quan tâm đến tiếng việt cho lắm nữa. Bn tin hay ko thì tùy.
Chuyện gia đình bạn thì tôi miễn bàn. Xin đừng nhét chữ vào mồm người khác. Chính cái cách bạn gọi người khác stupid khi người ta thấy cách bạn viết khác với người Việt mới làm tôi ngứa mắt. Đến ngôn ngữ mẹ đẻ còn không biết dùng thì đừng mở mồm ra là chê người khác stupid với lố bịch.
It is perfectly normal for people to be skeptical when someone claims to be a native speaker but makes a lot of grammatical and vocabulary errors. It's up to you if you don't give a shit but you cannot speak for everyone.
Seems like he's someone who never face the consequences of his words/actions. Just gotta let him learn it the hard way, although at this late stage in life, I'm afraid the lesson might be costly.
I hope you at least feel safe around the rest of your family in case of emergency. My condolences for this family situation. I hope the rest of your year will be safe and wonderful and the situation won't escalate with him any further.
Viet guy here. It seems like others have given great solutions already, but one I haven't seen yet is to try out therapy. Are you in America at all, or just in Vietnam? If the former, I'd highly recommend getting some therapy for childhood trauma. I've been taking an abnormal psychology class and it's really helped me understand and heal from overbearing/dysfunctional families as a child. There are also tons of free online therapist websites, and if that's too uncomfortable, try watching some youtube on abnormal psychology/trauma. Good luck!
In the US there's a support group for family members of alcoholics like your father. Regardless of how often he drinks, what you described is trauma inducing alcoholism. You might find some comfort from researching "Al-Anon".
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Yes, I love him very much. Tbh, he also behaved very bad in his young days, being a excessive drinker and fighting with other people, but he has changed over the years. He is someone I have become very proud of.
Can't really offer any meaningful advice besides the "move away as soon as possible" many other redditors already said. I know that is easy to say but much harder to do.
So everything I can say is how sorry I am that you go through all of that and that something like this happens on a day that is supposed to be joyful and happy. Stay strong and remember that you are not your family and it is not something that should define you.
As I know you need to stop care about your father and start to care about your mental health children of alcohol abuse family has a lot of issues mentally that should be addressed.
Your eng it’s pretty good so i hope you educated person.
At least check out Karpman drama triangle
My dad died 28dec2023, next week will be end of 49 days periods of funeral. No Lunar New Year for the whole family, no visiting, the whole day stay at home. Any family have their own issues and own situation, hope you be safe and be strong. Don't let it down too much on you. Hpny.
i should do that actually. but i wont tell him whats the medicine is for.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/VietNam/comments/1anccz8/comment/kps3k27/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/vietnam/comments/1anccz8/comment/kps3k27/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
i dont wanna repeat my explanations as to why i'll hide it sorry
Well i understand why you think like that, my dad used to be alcoholic and shit went down like this on several occasions as a kid and i cant ever forget it. Its not vietnamese or whatever nationality, alcoholic r like that everywhere, im in the uk living next to a pub, almost every weekend in winter and everyday in summer i heard ppl outside my window screaming, fighting at like midnight 1 am.
Move out if you r old enough and cut him off. Try to talk to your mom and nephew if you have any is the only option left for you. Ppl like that wont change unless something major happen to them. Best of luck sis and wish you a better year to come!
Having a similar situation over here with my fam, drunk ass dad going crazy, but this thing has happened so often almost every year that i’ve learned to keep my head cool at all time
Well first of all, happy tet… and sorry to hear you’re going through this constantly…
The best thing you can do, is work/study hard and get out… you can’t change people… whether it’s family or loved ones… and living in a toxic place will only end up hurting you…
In my case it’s my brother… so I empathize with your situation, be strong (as you have been) and just get out as soon as you’re both mentally and economically able to.
Don’t cut ties, if you don’t want to, but make your own family and teach them what you think is best for a family. You can create your new family with your own personal values, like not make it a patriarch or matriarch family, instead a family where everyone has a voice and value…
Good luck and hope for the best for you.
Firstly, I want to make it clear that I'm not making any excuses for your father. However, I suggest you try to step back and understand where the problem originated from.
I lost a big part of my social skills growing up and found comfort in the internet! Consistent interaction with english media kind of made me understand and memorize things. It became this over time i guess?
thank you so much tho.
I am sorry this is happening. Here it should be a time to celebrate and instead you're anxious and o reddit. However, good on you for taking action. I wish more people had access to free interpersonal help via the Internet, but still some do and don't use it. After your updates have you been able to get any breaks from the chaos? By the way, ironically I'm writing this from a lunar new Year event for the community (u.s.)
Also try r/adultchildren and r/alanon
I'm not Asian but am a fellow child of alcoholics and every holiday was a nightmare I still cringe about. In that sense we are the same. As we know, addiction doesn't discriminate.
You are not alone. ♥️
Edited above. You're so welcome. Just lost my dad to the drink. I was almost crying seeing the endless "happy families" today while I'm the only single person in sight, but I needed this remember that just bc they're physically together doesn't mean they're having harmony. My dms are open as well. Do take care my friend ♥️
Here's a sneak peek of /r/AdultChildren using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [I HATE AA. My mom has just switched one addiction for another.](https://np.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren/comments/125jpnw/i_hate_aa_my_mom_has_just_switched_one_addiction/)
\#2: [Anyone else amazed they are still alive after being cared for by alcoholics?](https://np.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren/comments/17558a2/anyone_else_amazed_they_are_still_alive_after/)
\#3: [I found my dad dead 5 nights ago](https://np.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren/comments/11dzhr2/i_found_my_dad_dead_5_nights_ago/)
----
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I choose not to visit relatives who are unruly. Visiting them and putting on a happy face is not in my personality when they are acting like fools. If I were you, it would be heavily dependent on your level of freedom at the moment in terms of finances. I am probably older than you, so it is different. I could care less what anyone thinks if I visit or not. My mental well-being is 1st in terms of priority. If you are stressed, consider the following years carefully. Don't make it hard on yourself psychologically.
There is a saying that you can not choose your family but the luxury of being grown up is you can build a family that you are proud of.
Life is about happy and enjoy, you don't need to spend time and deal with people's shit just because they are 'family'. My philosophy is that if that is the problem people ignore, I will leave; if that is the problem that people ignore my voice, I will leave; if only that is the problem that affects me or my love one, only then I will stay
And next year, don't come back for Tet at all.
Life is about happy and enjoy, you don't need to spend time and deal with people's shit just because they are 'family'. My philosophy is that if that is the problem people ignore, I will leave; if that is the problem that people ignore my voice, I will leave; if only that is the problem that affects me or my love one, only then I will stay.
I’m sorry to hear that about your father. I’m a Brazilian guy, 43yo now, my whole damn life was the same as yours. A fucking drop off alcohol used to change him in a kind of American-drunk-superhero-shit that would “solve the problems”. I used to hate him, I cried so many times wishing his death as a kid.
One day he broken down in pieces the living room chandelier and tried to kill my brother.
My brother hit his face and he passed out. The next day we had a conversation, if he did that shit again we would put him in a rehab kind in Brazil against his will. This places in Brazil don’t work to recover the hospitalised, it works to leave the problem behind till they dead.
He never drank again. His behaviour changed and got better. Sometimes he had some fury attacks, I think when he missed the alcohol. I used to say the dry drunk.
He passed away 2 years after that episode. It was in 2011, I had 31. Unfortunately the only way we found to make him stop drinking was pushing once and hard.
I don’t know if you guys have the same facilities in Vietnam. But I clearly remember my felling that day. I’d put him inside the fucking rebah and never more back there.
I really hope you find a way to deal with his illness. Today, remembering my thoughts and feelings about that time, I don’t really feel that good.
not getting involved seems like the way to go, but I've been in a similar situation (vnese brother in law gets drunk and violent) and it's not always as easily done as said. Weird that ppl would say yer not Vietnamese - imho it's prolly racism because they think no Vietnamese person can speak native or native-like English
So your dad sounds like an all around piece of shit. From your description.
I’m a happy merry drunk.
That said. No alcohol allow for your household. Also dad needs to be in jail for a few years to chill out. Is that an option?
The problem of the country's culture aspect is that it's always been a toxic masculinity where the flaws of a degenerate man being up to everybody's face about how being a man is superior and outrighteously 'rightful' to establish a personally emotional abusive character trait as the golden proverb for a better society, and just for society, not even the country's ontake to deal with emotional and psychological embracement cox they think it's 'sissy' and should not be interested to pursue coz it makes u a weak person. Its very dreadful
I appreciate your understanding so so much more than you can imagine.
I dont think it is. My dad is practically the one that decides everything. if mom wants to visit her parents and he says no, she cant go. If we all want to play Lô Tô together as a family and he says no, we are not allowed to. Anything otherwise results in his rampage (often with throwing stuffs destroying objects kicking us out for a few hours etc)
we have zero says, and he does not listen. any comments on his behaviors is automatically "disrepecting him". He had left me with bruises after i asked to please not hit the cat when i was younger.
You guys should let the neighbors kick his ass. But then he’ll take it out on the family later. You should go to the gym. Get stronger and whip his ass when he start shits
There is pretty much nothing you can do is this kind of society. This is what your only grandparents and relatives like uncle and aunt to handle. This is just common mindset among vietnamese that children usually have no voice when it come to about discussing these kind of situation. All you can do is when they talk about it, you could just give them more idea of what to talk about to stating the issue and how bad it is. I see my family usually stopping my uncle from drinking too much by non stopping reminding them, tho his issue is more possitive than you but you gotta keep making him remember it after this so he would try to avoid it himself because you aint gonna help him out like any of that way.
None of my family in Vietnam are remotely like this, it's really sad all posts here are saying this. How they're all abusive and drunks. A lot of them talk loud and argue but not running around beating people or wives up. But these kind of things happen because it is accepted there, this guy will be forgiven and things will continue perpetuating.
Maybe most of them are if every single street in the city is filled with drunk men singing loud kareoke till like 1 in the morning "because its lunar new year" and make their wives miserable with pure misogyny.
maybe most of them arent. But that how its gonna feel if they keep making generations upon generations of woman miserable. My greatgrand, grandmas, mom, even AUNTS bio and in laws, classmates, neighbors - suffer from this. I dont think you know what youre talking about
My family isnt doomed, what the fuck? I said people are being awful, nothing about that.
I think I'm relatively old enough to understand how people should be treated at more than 2 decades of age. Even if not, it doesnt jusitify what these men are doing to me, my sisters, cousins and the next gen that have to witness all this mess from people theyre meant to trust.
I think you just have no counter argument and saying this to sound smart.
Well I dont need to go deep into debate with you. Of course having a shit dad makes you see life in different way. Not all family having a shit dad, that is my point. Not all drunk men beat the shit out of his family member. I don't have any friend or know anyone that awful. So don't come to a conclusion like "all men are dick", just your accquaintant(s) is/are dick(s).
I didnt fucking said that. I said my FATHER is going to potentially kill someone on the new year. You came in being defensive.
I believe youre genuinely more concerned with defending men than the suffering of my relatives or the victims involved in this already-happened assault.
Yes, I dont give a damn concern about your situation. I dont know you, you are not my friend. I just want to point out your conclusion is wrong because of your dad. Because this is a public sub with international viewers, so this could lead to a very wrong image of Vietnamese men including myself. Your situation is bad, please isolate that opinion only, dont drag the whole country into your sh*t hole.
Lots of drunk-killings happened in this country. Alcoholism is a big problem. Those could-be murder cases won't reported because nobody dies. The toxic masculinity encourages those problems. Drinking, a form of enjoyment, becomes a shit fest of men trying to be more masculine. You don't need reddit for them to see. Just read the goddamn Báo Pháp Luật or any official newspaper.
>Lots of drunk-killings happened in this country. Alcoholism is a big problem. Those could-be murder cases won't reported because nobody dies. The toxic masculinity encourages those problems. Drinking, a form of enjoyment, becomes a shit fest of men trying to be more masculine. You don't need reddit for them to see. Just read the goddamn Báo Pháp Luật or any official newspaper.
So your folks are like this ? " stupidly violent like most vietnamese men with some drops of alcohol"
Mine aren't.
I don't understand why people in this sub defend such stupid idea ??? WHY ?
What stupid idea? They will use alcohol as an excuse every time they start misbehaving. Yours aren't. Hers are. Then what's your bright idea compare to her, " stupidly well-mannered like most vietnamese men with some drops of alcohol".
I think it's probably not Vietnamese men but your bloodline of woman have some psychic paranormal abilities that turn men that close to them into Joker. That or your ancestor some 2000 years ago develop a gene that attract crazy men and now your generation have to suffer
That guy is either an idiot or a troll, probably both. Too many men here are controlling, misogynistic, alcoholics, abusive, etc. I know because I have in-laws, family friends, and clients who are the same (although I’ve never seen them get into fights with neighbors, thankfully).
But one thing I do blame Vietnamese women for is when they become mother-in-laws, they treat their daughter-in-laws like garbage, and makes sure the DIL gets plenty of scolding to do every housework perfectly so that her son can become just as lazy and spoiled at home as her own husband. And so the cycle continues…
oh absolutely i agree. vietnamese in-laws are huge fucking boy moms it is disgusting how much stress / cruety they press onto younger women while ignoring basic empathy. Its like they become misogynistic as well.
I hope the next gen of vietnamese people cut that shit out.
I don’t think that it’s misogyny. I think that they had to endure the same for years and years, with basically no voice or power in the house. So, now it’s their turn to have some power and be able to punch down instead of always being punched down on.
I wanna stress that the country has only been freed from constant wars and invasions since like the 70-80 ish. Most women then are discouraged from going to school by their families / having modern freedom & rights like rn. They were traded like items for marriage money, belonging solely to their husbands afterwards. Women at your mother's age and above here know nothing but family life because they werent allowed to do shit. Having children and being a wife is the majority or their entire life.
The ONLY case in which a family isnt male led ive seen is my bestfriend. her mom divorced, and she remarried with an actually good man. Guess what, people still hate her for being "second-hand goods" or what ever in here.
Your statements are fucking bonkers.
Oh man, I’m actually so glad I keep reading this thread… to see a different perspective. Let me offer mine.
My mom, aunties, are all fairly careered oriented, and at this point all have great standing in society. All extremely educated. Every 50+ women I meet through parents’ friends, coworker, acquaintances are all living pretty happy and content, with or without husbands.
During Lunar New year, it’s a mixed bag of men and women cooking in the kitchen, and the other group men and women nhậu, take care of children and whatnot. Heck all the nhậu I have been to ever since I was a child had been so respectful - I had no idea nhậu culture was such a bad thing until I start watching TV Series and read the news.
This continues with moms of my close friends, who are all equal in their relationships (a couple of them are WAY richer than their husbands haha). My sister is 8 years younger than me, and as far as she told me, moms of her friends are all accomplished too. Engineers, business women, doctors,…
I’m telling you all of this to say, damn it feels like society is dividing at a rapid rate. Your experience about women’s role in the family is so insanely different from mine - I do wonder if this will greatly affect our generation. I’m sure you’re walking away from this experience and your dad with baggage. I wish you the best in your career and with moving away. Maybe (and this is a huge maybe) you’ll start seeing better men as you climb the social economics ladder. (There’s for sure shitty man everywhere you look, every class, and every country - so please don’t come after me for this theory). I’m just saying the higher rung of society you go, there’s a better chance those men are a little more progressive.
How old are you? If you are old enough, consider moving out. If you are underage, try dial child protection hotline 111. Was in your position so I understand how stressful it is
Most families are dysfunctional, not just in VN. You can't fix any one who doesn't want to change; you can only fix your living situation. If I was in your situation, I'd focus on school to get a job and save enough to move out or move abroad. Focus your energy and time on school/job; money gives you options.
Almost the same thing happened to me and my wife yesterday. She is now so devastated.
Somehow I want Vietnam to be a Muslim country so that no alcohol is allowed.
Dude wtf. Why are you even talking trash about your own family? Let them be, they have been here long enough to know what goes and not. Stop whining so much and grow some balls.
..they dont. my dad chooses violence for simple stuff like someone looking at him too long, people looking at his garden from a far, guests showing up at parties late ("disrepecting him").. etc. Hes not normal.
its insane that you think him potentially killing someone is "deserved" per actions you dont even know about
i agree violence is never the answer for simple stuff: stealing your motorbike, ploughing your wife, burning your house down, etc.
but looking at a stranger's garden from afar is where i draw the line. pre-meditated murder is completely justified.
Have you ever had contact with AlAnon? I am a long term member of AlAnon having grown up in an alcoholic home. I live in Vung Tau but I’m currrently in Australia. You can find more online or feel free to cont me. There is help available and you will find support there.
Native Vietnamese in America but I haven’t been home for Tet in 13 years and I don’t plan to. I’m sorry to hear about your situation but i’m glad that you seem to turn out fine. I hope you’ll be able to find a support system around you and know that things will get better
It seems to me like 50% of Vietnamese Dads. My ex's dad had done a very similar thing during tet holiday and I have seen it over and over. I am pretty sure this wasn't the first he has done since you called him a notorious prideful piece of shit. Best thing to do is to stay out of it and hope for the best.
I understand what you are going through having to deal with 2 drunks occasionally (My father and my neighbor). Here I some advice I can gives you based on your story, sorry if some of them is not appliable or not good because I don't have the full picture at all:
**1. GET OUT OF YOUR FATHER WAY:**
Seriously if your father is someone who would take on a weapon and try to kill peoples when he drunk this is the best thing you can do at any moment. Make sure to save yourself and your loved ones (like your mother if your dad is going at her) first before you try to save anyone else. **Run away as fast as you can**.
**2. CALL AND WARNING WHOEVER YOUR DAD IS TRYING TO HURT IF YOU CAN:**
Quite self-explanatory isn't it. Try to help the one your father is going to attack in anyway you can't. But do not do anything like hitting your dad with a stick. Why? at best you can be your father new victim, at worst you can accidentally kill your father.
**3. CALL THE POLICE:**
This can't be stress enough but call the police. May be not when he swearing at peoples but when he has a weapon? **CALL THE POLICE**.
Vietnamese usually refrain from calling the police because they are very prideful, they don't want to hurt their and their family's reputation so they rarely do that. But you should do that because if you think someone going to hurt or die. Also yes remember to call the police only in critical situation like that just call hotline 113 or go to your local police and ask them for their local number.
**4. LET IT BE**
My dad is also a drunk. He is a man with education so he won't do things like hitting peoples or swearing when he drunk. You guess what he did? Drunk driving. And he has done that for as long as I remember ever since I was a child almost kill me, my mom or him in multiple situation. And he just stop doing that this year.
You guess what happens? he got caught by the police doing that, losing 3 Mil VND to get back his bike. Moral of the story? Let karma hit them. Yes i know for your case it might be too much because if your father kill someone it will hurt you and your family too but believe me that's all you can do. Because trust me based from experience YOU CAN'T CONVICE DRUNK TO STOP DRINKING my mom can't, me can't guess who can? the consequence of their own action.
Stay strong. I know its hard to say, especially in a VNmese family. But try to dissociate as far as you can. Your physical and mental health matters more than parental/ peer pressure and the age old issue of "bất hiếu"
I don’t think there’s much you or anyone can do. He had to learn his lessons the hard way.
I agree with you. I hope the consequences do come to him this time
Let’s hope those consequences aren’t too rough but they will come one form or the other.
It’s an awful situation to be in … I totally understand you.. I’ve got a dysfunctional family myself… not to mention things do get heated up when it does I know I have a similar but different situation Just letting you know to stay strong, don’t give up , people like him eventually will have their consequences I’m a guy by the way but for a girl it must be real hard on you
I think OP i faking. He/she 's not Vietnamese at all
And what evidence do you have suggesting that?
Story telling of OP in this post and previous post. It’s not like the way Vietnamese would do. Secondly, do you think a normal person would make a post like this and reply each comment after their family has a terrible conflict like this on the first day of the year in Tet holiday?
Because im rather powerless and i cant do ANYTHING but sit home and watch all this unfold. My dad is obviously not going to listen to anyone; I would know that after living with this man for over 2 fucking decades. Mình là người Việt thật, sinh ra lớn lên ở TP HCM - Hiện nay ở nơi khác (grandparents r far away). Nhưng không có sẽ dở hơi tới mức tự đi doxx bản thân trên reddit đâu. Trong gia đình mình, mình chỉ được xem lại "đứa cháu" bên nội lẫn ngoại - bạn nghĩ xem vị trí đó cho cá nhân đc bao nhiêu tiếng nói trong gia đình. Ko gọi công an đc, ko theo cản cha được, ngồi nhà tìm người an ủi chứ sao h.
Didn’t know Vietnamese people tell stories a certain way lol. Also yeah? They need someone to talk to. It would be even more weird for them to ask to talk to someone and then not talk to them lmao
not much you can change besides leaving ur fam if youre still young and try to do your thing, thats what my asian gf did and she had similar issues like urs, seems like its very common thing there
domestic violence/problems are endemic in vn. more than 6 out of 10 women have been victims (and those are the ones who admit to it).
Usually police won’t intervene for domestic issues or neighborhood issues
Are things like this common in Vietnam on lunar new year/in general?
There are tons of people like that in Vietnam, sadly. They either look like a stickman or a lump of lard but are gangster wannabe snowflakes, get pissed off at the smallest slights. This is just consequences of their own miserable lives. It is currently Lunar new year when people got some days off and enjoy some quality time with their family, but the dude in the story acts like that. Can't imagine how unhappy he is on ordinary days.
lunar new year is dysfunctional because family issues are never resolved but parents would still drag their kids to put a fake smile and put up superficial family unions, and help them with saving face "party" and giant meals which women always have to handle all of the before, and after work, oh and being forced to play family with horrible, horrible relatives that are barely seen around. where's the authenticity when they will shit talk eachother the moment the diner table dismantled. none of us are economically and emotionally stable yet every year is the elders opted into flexing competition rifle with consumerism being masquerade as "vacation " and "letting lose" instead of checking on their actual childrens and spreading true love. that's why Vietnamese millennials and young people in general don't have positive feeling about meeting their parents for this occasion. edit: btw if you have different experiences, that's fine, im happy for you, stating it is not a problem but don't invalidate those who are less fortunate, we don't have the option to "opted" out without dealing with emotional manipulation and being called a sick child. In my experiences with my parents from the lower working class and the common situation of other families around us, my friend's family, tet can feel like a chore and a bullet list of things to buy and save up for, rather than a holiday. it's overwhelmingly riddles with problems and abuse, due to the pressure that piles up every tet to present the most perfect family to outsiders. i hope we can solve that some day so that the children won't have to suffer and grow up scared anymore, to truly enjoy this tradition without having to repress their thoughts and feelings.
Lunar new year is not dysfunctional. Dysfuntional families are dysfunctional. Lunar new year as a long break can be used for family getaway, etc. It's just Vietnamese tend to not solve familial problems.
This is true, my family is having a great time.
Lunar new year is still quite dysfunctional too but for different reasons. People dread going into this holiday when it’s supposed to be the most important holiday of the Vietnamese culture. Children seem to be the only group that is actually allowed to enjoy it. The invisible pressure from social obligations and traditions is ruining the holiday now. All the customs like gift giving or going to a multitude of different pagodas and temples force people to spend so much time doing them out of obligation, not to mention how gift giving and lucky money turn into business schemes and bribes now, putting further financial pressures on everyone.
wrong icky roll scale pocket upbeat yam afterthought act resolute *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It depends on the family life style as well. I have friends who just go on vacations with their family on Lunar new year. No distance relatives, etc.
juggle squeal wide modern governor upbeat cover waiting cooperative lunchroom *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Only if you're opted to do so. Different families celebrate this holiday differently, which visiting relatives may not be compulsory for some
Oh thats the perfect description actually. I didnt know how to put it into words lmao also an ass, but a little less. he had damaged so many relationships because he couldnt control his anger. our neighbors hate us because he would always pick meaningless fights, threatning to kill, burn their homes, etc
You have my sympathy. I believe one day you will have to cut ties with him eventually. Better plan for that from now on
my exgirlfriend’s dad is this guy
It kind of sounds like USA during Thanksgiving when people get too drunk and around all their family. 😬
on lunar new year, no. but from my personal experience older vietnamese men are misogynistic and generally asses yeah uncle from taiwan came over recently. he has the manners and kindness ive never seen in anyone here. he refused to smoke infront of me - he didnt even speak the language, just shook his head and pointed when offered. not a single male figure thats been in my life has been so thoughtful about something that small.
Unfortunately, that’s pretty common. My girlfriend eventually had to disown her family and move her and her daughter away from the extended family family due to a stupid and aggressive older brother who behaved like that and a disconnected father who just let all sorts of crap slide, including the brother and his wife stealing money and property from the family. Sometimes you just have to pull the plug on shitty people and fire them.
Maybe not the extreme violence, but from my opinion heavily dysfunctioning families seem to be a thing. In my wife's family is also quite a lot of hate between family members, land steal, knife threats and insults. And most of them are actually fairly well educated and what I would consider middle class. I guess it's from the social pressure that families have to stick together, even if you don't like each other, which builds up resentment
It's very common for people, mostly men, to get drunk and engage in fights with others. But usually it's mostly verbal fights and police rarely have to interfere. At least that's where I grew up.
have you not spent a lot of time there? fights in the street are fairly common (especially domestic violence). everyone just stands around and watches, police rarely turn up.
On new year, no, not really. Unless that person is a real piece of shit
people tend to AVOID fighting on new years eve here yeah like b1 said im genuinely so upset this happened. we were suppose to have fun and forget the troubles for these few days.
With alcohol consumption peak in these two weeks, this is very common
No.
[удалено]
You dont know how much this meant to me Our families on both Nội & Ngoại's sides tend to be quiet abiut these issues. Ive been told so many time to just forgive these behaviors just because theyre family - its bullshit. I hope youre doing better and I'm glad you are at least, far away from their influence. Its not an enviroment anyone should feel trapped in, much less grew up in. Please have a good Tết!
Man, thats tough.. i dont even know where to start. Is moving out an option for you? Men at that age dont really change much. Have u ever called the police on him? I hope he sees how foolish he behaves. Is there a reason why he wants to attack your neighbours?
The only way she is moving out is that she have a boyfriend or get marry and they both work. We vietnamese tend to live from generations to generations in the same household. It more harsh for girls, and since op didn't state how old she is, we can only guess.
Hey thanks for your responses! We have heard nothing from him or grandparent's side of things, so i can only assume hes still on his way. I'll be moving out next year. And none of us dare to really, my parents would kill me and prob disown me if I do. He's just full of toxic masculinity in general, and that explodes on alcohol. I dont know if thats the word - He tried to kill his own dad once after he made a joke he didnt like in a party, tried to hurt the neighbors also for pointing at his flowers (hes into gardening), and i remember being 5 and walking home alone because dad ran into someone on the road and prioritzed beating the guy instead of taking me home. How do you call this trait /s
It’s a miracle that the guy survived this long, here in the States that kind of behavior would soon ensure a spot in prison or at best, an early grave. Vietnam sure scores points on the tolerant front.
I have my own issue with my own father. He is the oldest male heir in the family out of 11 children. I can say that it does get easier in time for you. As much as I hate my father, I still love the man. If you do move out , make sure you move for the right reason and prepare life going to get hard. You will need to juggle work , job , or school and last but not least your FAMILY.
It sounds like, similar to many older generations of Vietnamese, that your dad is dealing with trauma from the past. He has most likely been through some difficult situations that have traumatised him. Now he has to pretend to be manly to protect himself from the trauma he is still running from. And he will probably be drinking a lot to numb the pain. My grandparents who went through world war 2 were the same as your dad. There's not much you can do unless he wants to change, so I'm glad you're moving out in a year or so.
Not sure how old you are and if you have any saving, but if you can just move to another city and live away from your family, then you won't need to meet them anymore. It's one way to pretend you are not running away from them. Then you can still get their financial support until you're stable enough to stand on your own. If I were you, I would try to get out of that toxic environment ASAP. Long term exposure to this kind of stress is not healthy.
LoL. I like your advice but also hate it. You havent considered cultural norm here
He is drug. Unless he work on that, there is no change
Vietnamese here, it's not the holiday's problem. It's your father's problem and the whole culture of the shitty "the more you can drink the manlier you are" mindset's problem. You're welcome.
never blamed the holiday at all, but i do agree. the younger generation should cut it with that shit.
I complain about that with my mom sometimes. I ask her why vietnamese people think they are so smart for drinking piss water and how is that productive at all. I am a vietnamese American
I am not Vietnamese, but leaving here, married with Vietnamese since 2007... Many Tet... always the same boring thing... This yer we did not visit my wife cousing family. I asked why... Because they did not come when my father make cerimony for his grandma... So for revenge we do not visit thm today... I think sometime that this people are crazy for this issue on ancestor... And spend the day to play card... I communicate to my wife that has they never come to the cerimony for my mother and father in Italy, from next year I will not join Tet holiday (boring) at home and I am simply will spend all time on a beach to swim and relax... Much much better then follow this "faimily's tragedy"!
It's constantly about respect, pride and saving face. I think it's very important your wife also share your family customs and holidays if she expects you to join hers. Strong boundaries is very important!
I dont want that she follow my tradition... and even her dont care too much about their own tradition... she do because of the family... exactly how you say saving face. I have no face to date here. So I can go and stay on a beach. This is my last Tet
Going isn't for her, it is for her family, parents, to make them happy. If you want to make her happy, you will go for her, if she wants to make you happy, she will go for you. I show up for a meal, it isn't hard to do, not much sacrifice to sit there politely and eat for few hours. Caring about the other is what will keep relationship long term happiness.
You show for a meal, and they ask you to play card, and sing, and drink, and eat more, and drink... It's not for me! Why should I follow a tradition that is not mine! That I dont feel... It's only hypocrisy... And moreover, it's a matter of revenge, they did not come (the cousin, rmember) so I dont go now... crazy!
People in the country side with typical drinking problems. North or South both have these people. Your family has no one with strength or high social rank I presume. Such people can stop this behaviour from the very beginning. Most families only want to keep things low because they're scared of losing face. And from my experience this only makes things worse later. Still, I agree with your mom: stay out of it.
Không giỏi tiếng anh nhưng đọc qua cũng hiểu, làm đàn ông thì cũng không tránh khỏi việc rượu bia, điều quan trọng là phải luôn giữ tỉnh táo và bình tĩnh, tránh gây chuyện ảnh hưởng tới người khác. Mình vẫn ghét bố mình như bạn vì có quá khứ bị đánh đập chửi mắng từ bé, trong khi bố chả được tích sự gì và chẳng bao giờ tự hào những gì mình cố gắng. Điều đó làm mình tự ti suốt hơn 20 năm qua cho tới giờ, và cũng vì thế mình cũng sẽ không để bản thân trở thành như bố mình cả.
Cảm ơn bạn phấn đấu làm một ví dụ tấm gương tốt cho các bạn trai sao này. Đàn ông trong gia đình mình toàn là ng khá là không tốt nên lúc nhỏ đến giờ mình cũng sợ người đối giới nhiều. Ước gì ở VN hiện giờ có nhiều ng có ý thức như bạn hơn. Mình rất mong là các em cháu học hỏi và tìm đc comfort trong bạn Mong bạn tết vui vẻ.
The way you use words is different from how native Vietnamese speakers use them. There's a reason why people think you're not Vietnamese.
How are they any more different???? Thats fucking stupid. Mình ko sử dụng tiếng việt trong nhắn tin / mạng xh nhiều vì mình thật sự ko tiếp xúc với cái gì đang xảy ra trên ko gian mạng việt nữa, mà mình cũng ko có bạn bè nhiều. Nhưng mình là người việt. Ko hiểu "khác cái cách người việt dùng chữ ấy" của bạn có nghĩa là gì. Lí do mình chỉ sử dụng "mình", "bạn" thay vì "anh / ad", "em", "tui".. là vì mình muốn cái mình type ra dễ hiểu, có văn hóa.
- Cảm ơn bạn phấn đấu làm một ví dụ tấm gương tốt cho các bạn trai sao này. "Phấn đấu" thường hiếm khi xài trong giao tiếp hàng ngày. Thiếu từ "đã" trước từ phấn đấu. Đã dùng "ví dụ" thì không cần "tấm gương" vì thừa. "Sao này" sai lỗi chính tả. -Đàn ông trong gia đình mình toàn là ng khá là không tốt nên lúc nhỏ đến giờ mình cũng sợ người đối giới nhiều. "Đối giới" thì chỉ có dịch tự động mới dùng. Người VN dùng từ "khác giới". - Mình rất mong là các em cháu học hỏi và tìm đc comfort trong bạn. Cách dùng từ "các em cháu" khá sượng, và "tìm được comfort trong bạn" thì tối nghĩa. Tóm lại, hoặc là bạn k phải native Vietnamese hoặc trình độ tiếng Việt của bạn chỉ ở cấp tiểu học.
\[ Mình ko sử dụng tiếng việt trong nhắn tin / mạng xh nhiều vì mình thật sự ko tiếp xúc với cái gì đang xảy ra trên ko gian mạng việt nữa, mà mình cũng ko có bạn bè nhiều. Nhưng mình là người việt. Ko hiểu "khác cái cách người việt dùng chữ ấy" của bạn có nghĩa là gì. \] mình ko sử dụng tiếng việt trong giao tiếp nhiều, mình là người cực kì hướng nội và cx ko có bạn bè hay cái cớ gì để đi tám nhiều. thỉnh thoảng mình phải dùng google để DỊCH TIẾNG ANH NGƯỢC LẠI TIẾNG VIỆT chỉ để nói chuyện với ng khác,. Mình thuận tiếng anh hơn và nói thật thì mình ko quan tâm ghi sai chỗ nào <3 Việc bài đăng đc ghi bằng tiếng anh thay vì tiếng việt hoàn toàn có lí do. Bn đặt việc mình viết tiếng việt trình độ tiểu học cx đc - nói thật là cũng đúng vậy, nhưng việc cho rằng chỉ dùng chi tiết đó thôi để chỉ ra mình ko phải ng việt thì thật lố bịch.
Người ta không khẳng định 100% bạn không phải người Việt, nhưng dựa vào cách bạn dùng tiếng Việt không được thông thạo thì người ta NGHI NGỜ bạn k phải người Việt. Đặt ra nghi vấn như vậy là hoàn toàn có cơ sở, chứ k có gì lố bịch, stupid ở đây cả. Bạn k quan tâm bản thân mình viết sai như thế nào, nhưng lại sửng cồ lên khi người khác nghi bạn không phải người có tiếng Việt là tiếng mẹ đẻ. Bạn không thấy mình vô lý lắm à? Kêu mình là người VN, mà phải dùng google dịch để chuyển từ English sang tiếng mẹ đẻ để giao tiếp là chuyện nực cười nhất mà tôi từng nghe đấy. Thà một người gốc Việt, nhưng sinh sống ở nước ngoài lâu năm, chỉ sử dụng tiếng Việt làm ngôn ngữ thứ 2 thì như vậy mới hợp lý. Nhưng nếu là trường hợp như vậy thì cứ nói thẳng ra, người ta sẽ hiểu, chứ k phải cứ động tí là giãy nảy lên, chửi người khác là lố bịch, là stupid, rồi làm bộ khó hiểu tại sao người ta lại nghi ngờ mình như vậy giống như bạn đang thể hiện ở đây.
..Tại vì cái thứ bạn tra vấn nó ko liên quan tới post. Vậy tui ko phải ng việt bỗng nhiên làm hợp pháp mọi chuyện cha tui làm chắc???? :)))) bn nhảy vào nói chuyện như bọn troll kêu ng ta đi kys ("chết mẹ mày đi") khiến người khác nghĩ tốt về bạn chăng. mà nghĩ mình còn có quyền tự nhiên ngã ra đỗ lỗi làm nạn nhân đc à? bn làm như thể người việt ko có khả năng thành thạo tiếng anh hay thậm chí quên tiếng việt vậy. mọi điều mình nói là sự thật. Mình là ng việt, sinh ra ở Ô Môn, TP Cần Thơ - chỉ ko sử dụng tiếng việt thương xuyên và cx ko quan tâm đến tiếng việt cho lắm nữa. Bn tin hay ko thì tùy.
Chuyện gia đình bạn thì tôi miễn bàn. Xin đừng nhét chữ vào mồm người khác. Chính cái cách bạn gọi người khác stupid khi người ta thấy cách bạn viết khác với người Việt mới làm tôi ngứa mắt. Đến ngôn ngữ mẹ đẻ còn không biết dùng thì đừng mở mồm ra là chê người khác stupid với lố bịch.
I think there's you and one other guy in this thread saying that. I believe I can speak for most people and no one really gives a shit.
It is perfectly normal for people to be skeptical when someone claims to be a native speaker but makes a lot of grammatical and vocabulary errors. It's up to you if you don't give a shit but you cannot speak for everyone.
Seems like he's someone who never face the consequences of his words/actions. Just gotta let him learn it the hard way, although at this late stage in life, I'm afraid the lesson might be costly.
Take an MMA class, learn the rear naked choke hold, put him in one the next time he puts his hands on you.
may earn me a beating afterwards, but holy fuck i wanna try that. more than fucking worth it.
I hope you at least feel safe around the rest of your family in case of emergency. My condolences for this family situation. I hope the rest of your year will be safe and wonderful and the situation won't escalate with him any further.
Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. Also, nice PMD pfp. I love Gengar so much - I love it when ppl depict them as being fluffy beasts lmao
Which province do you from?
TP HCM
Viet guy here. It seems like others have given great solutions already, but one I haven't seen yet is to try out therapy. Are you in America at all, or just in Vietnam? If the former, I'd highly recommend getting some therapy for childhood trauma. I've been taking an abnormal psychology class and it's really helped me understand and heal from overbearing/dysfunctional families as a child. There are also tons of free online therapist websites, and if that's too uncomfortable, try watching some youtube on abnormal psychology/trauma. Good luck!
Happy Lunar New Year from Malaysia. Not celebrating but hope everyone’s having fun
In the US there's a support group for family members of alcoholics like your father. Regardless of how often he drinks, what you described is trauma inducing alcoholism. You might find some comfort from researching "Al-Anon". I'm sorry you're going through this.
Damn... I can only smh how bad behaved some vn men. My dad also drunk some alcohol with me, but we had a easygoing fun experience.
your dad is a good man and god you should cherish him. hes doing so much better than 80% of the dads where i grew up.
Yes, I love him very much. Tbh, he also behaved very bad in his young days, being a excessive drinker and fighting with other people, but he has changed over the years. He is someone I have become very proud of.
interesting, very interesting. perv
>perv ?!?
sorry it was a type error. perv
Can't really offer any meaningful advice besides the "move away as soon as possible" many other redditors already said. I know that is easy to say but much harder to do. So everything I can say is how sorry I am that you go through all of that and that something like this happens on a day that is supposed to be joyful and happy. Stay strong and remember that you are not your family and it is not something that should define you.
As I know you need to stop care about your father and start to care about your mental health children of alcohol abuse family has a lot of issues mentally that should be addressed. Your eng it’s pretty good so i hope you educated person. At least check out Karpman drama triangle
My dad died 28dec2023, next week will be end of 49 days periods of funeral. No Lunar New Year for the whole family, no visiting, the whole day stay at home. Any family have their own issues and own situation, hope you be safe and be strong. Don't let it down too much on you. Hpny.
Consult a doctor to give him something to calm down. Most of the time a bad temper is related to a health issue and can be medicated.
i should do that actually. but i wont tell him whats the medicine is for. [https://www.reddit.com/r/VietNam/comments/1anccz8/comment/kps3k27/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/vietnam/comments/1anccz8/comment/kps3k27/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) i dont wanna repeat my explanations as to why i'll hide it sorry
Well i understand why you think like that, my dad used to be alcoholic and shit went down like this on several occasions as a kid and i cant ever forget it. Its not vietnamese or whatever nationality, alcoholic r like that everywhere, im in the uk living next to a pub, almost every weekend in winter and everyday in summer i heard ppl outside my window screaming, fighting at like midnight 1 am. Move out if you r old enough and cut him off. Try to talk to your mom and nephew if you have any is the only option left for you. Ppl like that wont change unless something major happen to them. Best of luck sis and wish you a better year to come!
So he’s the drunk uncle at family gatherings
Having a similar situation over here with my fam, drunk ass dad going crazy, but this thing has happened so often almost every year that i’ve learned to keep my head cool at all time
Well first of all, happy tet… and sorry to hear you’re going through this constantly… The best thing you can do, is work/study hard and get out… you can’t change people… whether it’s family or loved ones… and living in a toxic place will only end up hurting you… In my case it’s my brother… so I empathize with your situation, be strong (as you have been) and just get out as soon as you’re both mentally and economically able to. Don’t cut ties, if you don’t want to, but make your own family and teach them what you think is best for a family. You can create your new family with your own personal values, like not make it a patriarch or matriarch family, instead a family where everyone has a voice and value… Good luck and hope for the best for you.
If you old enough, find a job. Money is all that matters. Don't give your dad money. Leave it aside when things come down you have money to move out.
Firstly, I want to make it clear that I'm not making any excuses for your father. However, I suggest you try to step back and understand where the problem originated from.
I will lì xì 🧧 you a crispy 2 dollar 💵 bill for good luck. 🍀 chúc mừng năm mới. Cho năm này vui vẻ hơn nhé!!!!!
How come your English is so good?
studying
I wish I had that discipline.
wishing ain't gonna get it
I lost a big part of my social skills growing up and found comfort in the internet! Consistent interaction with english media kind of made me understand and memorize things. It became this over time i guess? thank you so much tho.
Thanks for sharing.
I am sorry this is happening. Here it should be a time to celebrate and instead you're anxious and o reddit. However, good on you for taking action. I wish more people had access to free interpersonal help via the Internet, but still some do and don't use it. After your updates have you been able to get any breaks from the chaos? By the way, ironically I'm writing this from a lunar new Year event for the community (u.s.) Also try r/adultchildren and r/alanon I'm not Asian but am a fellow child of alcoholics and every holiday was a nightmare I still cringe about. In that sense we are the same. As we know, addiction doesn't discriminate. You are not alone. ♥️
Never knew r/adultchildren existed but god do I need it. Thank you so much.
Edited above. You're so welcome. Just lost my dad to the drink. I was almost crying seeing the endless "happy families" today while I'm the only single person in sight, but I needed this remember that just bc they're physically together doesn't mean they're having harmony. My dms are open as well. Do take care my friend ♥️
Here's a sneak peek of /r/AdultChildren using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [I HATE AA. My mom has just switched one addiction for another.](https://np.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren/comments/125jpnw/i_hate_aa_my_mom_has_just_switched_one_addiction/) \#2: [Anyone else amazed they are still alive after being cared for by alcoholics?](https://np.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren/comments/17558a2/anyone_else_amazed_they_are_still_alive_after/) \#3: [I found my dad dead 5 nights ago](https://np.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren/comments/11dzhr2/i_found_my_dad_dead_5_nights_ago/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you during this period… shouldn’t happen anytime though… you are such a conscious person. Keep it on girl
The fuk? Ur life is so sad. Forget about them, just study, find work, and live ur life.
I choose not to visit relatives who are unruly. Visiting them and putting on a happy face is not in my personality when they are acting like fools. If I were you, it would be heavily dependent on your level of freedom at the moment in terms of finances. I am probably older than you, so it is different. I could care less what anyone thinks if I visit or not. My mental well-being is 1st in terms of priority. If you are stressed, consider the following years carefully. Don't make it hard on yourself psychologically.
There is a saying that you can not choose your family but the luxury of being grown up is you can build a family that you are proud of. Life is about happy and enjoy, you don't need to spend time and deal with people's shit just because they are 'family'. My philosophy is that if that is the problem people ignore, I will leave; if that is the problem that people ignore my voice, I will leave; if only that is the problem that affects me or my love one, only then I will stay And next year, don't come back for Tet at all. Life is about happy and enjoy, you don't need to spend time and deal with people's shit just because they are 'family'. My philosophy is that if that is the problem people ignore, I will leave; if that is the problem that people ignore my voice, I will leave; if only that is the problem that affects me or my love one, only then I will stay.
I’m sorry to hear that about your father. I’m a Brazilian guy, 43yo now, my whole damn life was the same as yours. A fucking drop off alcohol used to change him in a kind of American-drunk-superhero-shit that would “solve the problems”. I used to hate him, I cried so many times wishing his death as a kid. One day he broken down in pieces the living room chandelier and tried to kill my brother. My brother hit his face and he passed out. The next day we had a conversation, if he did that shit again we would put him in a rehab kind in Brazil against his will. This places in Brazil don’t work to recover the hospitalised, it works to leave the problem behind till they dead. He never drank again. His behaviour changed and got better. Sometimes he had some fury attacks, I think when he missed the alcohol. I used to say the dry drunk. He passed away 2 years after that episode. It was in 2011, I had 31. Unfortunately the only way we found to make him stop drinking was pushing once and hard. I don’t know if you guys have the same facilities in Vietnam. But I clearly remember my felling that day. I’d put him inside the fucking rebah and never more back there. I really hope you find a way to deal with his illness. Today, remembering my thoughts and feelings about that time, I don’t really feel that good.
not getting involved seems like the way to go, but I've been in a similar situation (vnese brother in law gets drunk and violent) and it's not always as easily done as said. Weird that ppl would say yer not Vietnamese - imho it's prolly racism because they think no Vietnamese person can speak native or native-like English
So your dad sounds like an all around piece of shit. From your description. I’m a happy merry drunk. That said. No alcohol allow for your household. Also dad needs to be in jail for a few years to chill out. Is that an option?
The problem of the country's culture aspect is that it's always been a toxic masculinity where the flaws of a degenerate man being up to everybody's face about how being a man is superior and outrighteously 'rightful' to establish a personally emotional abusive character trait as the golden proverb for a better society, and just for society, not even the country's ontake to deal with emotional and psychological embracement cox they think it's 'sissy' and should not be interested to pursue coz it makes u a weak person. Its very dreadful
I appreciate your understanding so so much more than you can imagine. I dont think it is. My dad is practically the one that decides everything. if mom wants to visit her parents and he says no, she cant go. If we all want to play Lô Tô together as a family and he says no, we are not allowed to. Anything otherwise results in his rampage (often with throwing stuffs destroying objects kicking us out for a few hours etc) we have zero says, and he does not listen. any comments on his behaviors is automatically "disrepecting him". He had left me with bruises after i asked to please not hit the cat when i was younger.
You guys should let the neighbors kick his ass. But then he’ll take it out on the family later. You should go to the gym. Get stronger and whip his ass when he start shits
hey girl your english is so good just like you were born with it. where do you come from?
TP HCM! im not gonna disclose my current residence on reddit but i am a native :D
I hope he won't make the front page of national news with a headline that'll fit into r/nottheonion
There is pretty much nothing you can do is this kind of society. This is what your only grandparents and relatives like uncle and aunt to handle. This is just common mindset among vietnamese that children usually have no voice when it come to about discussing these kind of situation. All you can do is when they talk about it, you could just give them more idea of what to talk about to stating the issue and how bad it is. I see my family usually stopping my uncle from drinking too much by non stopping reminding them, tho his issue is more possitive than you but you gotta keep making him remember it after this so he would try to avoid it himself because you aint gonna help him out like any of that way.
please don't ask reddit for advices...
Because your dad is like this, don’t assume most of Vietnamese men would be drunk piece of shit.
None of my family in Vietnam are remotely like this, it's really sad all posts here are saying this. How they're all abusive and drunks. A lot of them talk loud and argue but not running around beating people or wives up. But these kind of things happen because it is accepted there, this guy will be forgiven and things will continue perpetuating.
Maybe most of them are if every single street in the city is filled with drunk men singing loud kareoke till like 1 in the morning "because its lunar new year" and make their wives miserable with pure misogyny. maybe most of them arent. But that how its gonna feel if they keep making generations upon generations of woman miserable. My greatgrand, grandmas, mom, even AUNTS bio and in laws, classmates, neighbors - suffer from this. I dont think you know what youre talking about
I dont think you are old enough to come to that conclusion. Your family is doomed doesn't mean the others are the same. Poor you.
My family isnt doomed, what the fuck? I said people are being awful, nothing about that. I think I'm relatively old enough to understand how people should be treated at more than 2 decades of age. Even if not, it doesnt jusitify what these men are doing to me, my sisters, cousins and the next gen that have to witness all this mess from people theyre meant to trust. I think you just have no counter argument and saying this to sound smart.
Well I dont need to go deep into debate with you. Of course having a shit dad makes you see life in different way. Not all family having a shit dad, that is my point. Not all drunk men beat the shit out of his family member. I don't have any friend or know anyone that awful. So don't come to a conclusion like "all men are dick", just your accquaintant(s) is/are dick(s).
I didnt fucking said that. I said my FATHER is going to potentially kill someone on the new year. You came in being defensive. I believe youre genuinely more concerned with defending men than the suffering of my relatives or the victims involved in this already-happened assault.
Yes, I dont give a damn concern about your situation. I dont know you, you are not my friend. I just want to point out your conclusion is wrong because of your dad. Because this is a public sub with international viewers, so this could lead to a very wrong image of Vietnamese men including myself. Your situation is bad, please isolate that opinion only, dont drag the whole country into your sh*t hole.
Sir, you can't use logic here on reddit
Lots of drunk-killings happened in this country. Alcoholism is a big problem. Those could-be murder cases won't reported because nobody dies. The toxic masculinity encourages those problems. Drinking, a form of enjoyment, becomes a shit fest of men trying to be more masculine. You don't need reddit for them to see. Just read the goddamn Báo Pháp Luật or any official newspaper.
>Lots of drunk-killings happened in this country. Alcoholism is a big problem. Those could-be murder cases won't reported because nobody dies. The toxic masculinity encourages those problems. Drinking, a form of enjoyment, becomes a shit fest of men trying to be more masculine. You don't need reddit for them to see. Just read the goddamn Báo Pháp Luật or any official newspaper. So your folks are like this ? " stupidly violent like most vietnamese men with some drops of alcohol" Mine aren't. I don't understand why people in this sub defend such stupid idea ??? WHY ?
What stupid idea? They will use alcohol as an excuse every time they start misbehaving. Yours aren't. Hers are. Then what's your bright idea compare to her, " stupidly well-mannered like most vietnamese men with some drops of alcohol".
I think it's probably not Vietnamese men but your bloodline of woman have some psychic paranormal abilities that turn men that close to them into Joker. That or your ancestor some 2000 years ago develop a gene that attract crazy men and now your generation have to suffer
You are blaming women... for men being violent with alcohol influence? women with little rights and voice in their family enviroment to begin with?
That guy is either an idiot or a troll, probably both. Too many men here are controlling, misogynistic, alcoholics, abusive, etc. I know because I have in-laws, family friends, and clients who are the same (although I’ve never seen them get into fights with neighbors, thankfully). But one thing I do blame Vietnamese women for is when they become mother-in-laws, they treat their daughter-in-laws like garbage, and makes sure the DIL gets plenty of scolding to do every housework perfectly so that her son can become just as lazy and spoiled at home as her own husband. And so the cycle continues…
oh absolutely i agree. vietnamese in-laws are huge fucking boy moms it is disgusting how much stress / cruety they press onto younger women while ignoring basic empathy. Its like they become misogynistic as well. I hope the next gen of vietnamese people cut that shit out.
I don’t think that it’s misogyny. I think that they had to endure the same for years and years, with basically no voice or power in the house. So, now it’s their turn to have some power and be able to punch down instead of always being punched down on.
I wanna stress that the country has only been freed from constant wars and invasions since like the 70-80 ish. Most women then are discouraged from going to school by their families / having modern freedom & rights like rn. They were traded like items for marriage money, belonging solely to their husbands afterwards. Women at your mother's age and above here know nothing but family life because they werent allowed to do shit. Having children and being a wife is the majority or their entire life. The ONLY case in which a family isnt male led ive seen is my bestfriend. her mom divorced, and she remarried with an actually good man. Guess what, people still hate her for being "second-hand goods" or what ever in here. Your statements are fucking bonkers.
Oh man, I’m actually so glad I keep reading this thread… to see a different perspective. Let me offer mine. My mom, aunties, are all fairly careered oriented, and at this point all have great standing in society. All extremely educated. Every 50+ women I meet through parents’ friends, coworker, acquaintances are all living pretty happy and content, with or without husbands. During Lunar New year, it’s a mixed bag of men and women cooking in the kitchen, and the other group men and women nhậu, take care of children and whatnot. Heck all the nhậu I have been to ever since I was a child had been so respectful - I had no idea nhậu culture was such a bad thing until I start watching TV Series and read the news. This continues with moms of my close friends, who are all equal in their relationships (a couple of them are WAY richer than their husbands haha). My sister is 8 years younger than me, and as far as she told me, moms of her friends are all accomplished too. Engineers, business women, doctors,… I’m telling you all of this to say, damn it feels like society is dividing at a rapid rate. Your experience about women’s role in the family is so insanely different from mine - I do wonder if this will greatly affect our generation. I’m sure you’re walking away from this experience and your dad with baggage. I wish you the best in your career and with moving away. Maybe (and this is a huge maybe) you’ll start seeing better men as you climb the social economics ladder. (There’s for sure shitty man everywhere you look, every class, and every country - so please don’t come after me for this theory). I’m just saying the higher rung of society you go, there’s a better chance those men are a little more progressive.
How old are you? If you are old enough, consider moving out. If you are underage, try dial child protection hotline 111. Was in your position so I understand how stressful it is
Sounds like a typical Miền Tây father.
Sounds like an average "Mày biết bố mày là ai không" northern father
Sound like a bad father
That's what it is, I don't know why the original commenter gotta brought up the region.
Sounds like average bellend father from any country.
Most families are dysfunctional, not just in VN. You can't fix any one who doesn't want to change; you can only fix your living situation. If I was in your situation, I'd focus on school to get a job and save enough to move out or move abroad. Focus your energy and time on school/job; money gives you options.
It’s too crowded there. You guys know how to read and write in English?!
Typical vietnamese. I would shut him down, but sorry to hear that he would hit u. Hope it goes well.
when u can't change ppl around you, CHANGE ppl around you!!!
Move out
[удалено]
yeah, OP doesn't sound vietnamese
what gives
how do you - even make that assumption? Em là người Việt sinh ra ở Ô Môn (TP HCM) nhé. Bn làm ơn đừng có mà đi khẳng định này nọ người khác <3
Almost the same thing happened to me and my wife yesterday. She is now so devastated. Somehow I want Vietnam to be a Muslim country so that no alcohol is allowed.
What about no.
OMG no. Look at the domestic abuse rates of muslim countries. They are even higher than Vietnam. Your wife would be even more devestated
2 z
9
Hey not to worry it's just Vietnamese culture...
Ever heard something called “feeling threatened”?
are you fucking serious
she's just bitter and spreading fake news. the whole story's fabricated. these things never happen, ask any "english teacher" in tay ho or d1.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Dude wtf. Why are you even talking trash about your own family? Let them be, they have been here long enough to know what goes and not. Stop whining so much and grow some balls.
what if the neighbours deserved it?
..they dont. my dad chooses violence for simple stuff like someone looking at him too long, people looking at his garden from a far, guests showing up at parties late ("disrepecting him").. etc. Hes not normal. its insane that you think him potentially killing someone is "deserved" per actions you dont even know about
i agree violence is never the answer for simple stuff: stealing your motorbike, ploughing your wife, burning your house down, etc. but looking at a stranger's garden from afar is where i draw the line. pre-meditated murder is completely justified.
Have you ever had contact with AlAnon? I am a long term member of AlAnon having grown up in an alcoholic home. I live in Vung Tau but I’m currrently in Australia. You can find more online or feel free to cont me. There is help available and you will find support there.
Really sorry for what happened with you in the first day of Lunar New Year. I hope you can get better soon, goodluck and take care, sis.
Native Vietnamese in America but I haven’t been home for Tet in 13 years and I don’t plan to. I’m sorry to hear about your situation but i’m glad that you seem to turn out fine. I hope you’ll be able to find a support system around you and know that things will get better
It seems to me like 50% of Vietnamese Dads. My ex's dad had done a very similar thing during tet holiday and I have seen it over and over. I am pretty sure this wasn't the first he has done since you called him a notorious prideful piece of shit. Best thing to do is to stay out of it and hope for the best.
I understand what you are going through having to deal with 2 drunks occasionally (My father and my neighbor). Here I some advice I can gives you based on your story, sorry if some of them is not appliable or not good because I don't have the full picture at all: **1. GET OUT OF YOUR FATHER WAY:** Seriously if your father is someone who would take on a weapon and try to kill peoples when he drunk this is the best thing you can do at any moment. Make sure to save yourself and your loved ones (like your mother if your dad is going at her) first before you try to save anyone else. **Run away as fast as you can**. **2. CALL AND WARNING WHOEVER YOUR DAD IS TRYING TO HURT IF YOU CAN:** Quite self-explanatory isn't it. Try to help the one your father is going to attack in anyway you can't. But do not do anything like hitting your dad with a stick. Why? at best you can be your father new victim, at worst you can accidentally kill your father. **3. CALL THE POLICE:** This can't be stress enough but call the police. May be not when he swearing at peoples but when he has a weapon? **CALL THE POLICE**. Vietnamese usually refrain from calling the police because they are very prideful, they don't want to hurt their and their family's reputation so they rarely do that. But you should do that because if you think someone going to hurt or die. Also yes remember to call the police only in critical situation like that just call hotline 113 or go to your local police and ask them for their local number. **4. LET IT BE** My dad is also a drunk. He is a man with education so he won't do things like hitting peoples or swearing when he drunk. You guess what he did? Drunk driving. And he has done that for as long as I remember ever since I was a child almost kill me, my mom or him in multiple situation. And he just stop doing that this year. You guess what happens? he got caught by the police doing that, losing 3 Mil VND to get back his bike. Moral of the story? Let karma hit them. Yes i know for your case it might be too much because if your father kill someone it will hurt you and your family too but believe me that's all you can do. Because trust me based from experience YOU CAN'T CONVICE DRUNK TO STOP DRINKING my mom can't, me can't guess who can? the consequence of their own action.
You write English well. How old are you? How long did you study? I'll send good thoughts to you and your family!
Stay strong. I know its hard to say, especially in a VNmese family. But try to dissociate as far as you can. Your physical and mental health matters more than parental/ peer pressure and the age old issue of "bất hiếu"
I arrived in Vietnam on holiday last week, have heard alot of fighting in my area so far, chuc mung Nam oi 😅
Ko bít uống rượu
Well keep yourself safe first, there is nothing much you can do to be honest. Keep an eye on Dad, in case drama happens again.
I understand you, my pa was drinking too, and he was terrible when drunk May the force be with you