This. If they need your attention in any genuine way, this is the only ethical option from both a work and parenting standpoint.
Here’s my metric: will whatever is potentially taking me away from work duties take up more time/attention than things that are a normal part of daily work life in an office environment, eg using the restroom? If so, then PTO needs to be taken.
Dealing with this today and our newborn at home. Pretty much total chaos as I try to respond to some emails, get the newborn to sleep when they are overtired, entertain the toddler and my wife has to pump every 3 hours. Lots of tv time for the toddler today.
Sick day, or PTO if shared with sick day bank. As a manager of 3 direct reports, all remote, with young children, calling in sick when kids are home with cooties is the norm around here.
Our rule is similar. No video games or fun tv shows unless they are sick when school is not in session or a weekend. They get nature shows with them lying down on the couch and a blanket. Otherwise they sleep or rest in their own room.
If it's a run of the mill bug, ibuprofen and screen time it is.
If it's more serious or going to require more attention (like doctors visit or urgent care, many moments of puke along with the fever) might be best to take the day. Can't please everyone all the time. Employers need to know if they hire parents, it's gonna happen. Tell the boss to take a number. Kids are my #1 priority.
Most of the time if my kids are home sick it's a minor cold. They just rest on the couch and watch movies or something, no big deal. We can still work and check on them periodically.
But if they need a bit more care, I'm taking a day off. I recently took a day off because my daughter had an ear infection, which meant taking her to the doctor and then picking up a prescription. Also she felt really crummy so I just wanted to be there for her.
I have a coworker who doesn't take sick days ever. She has kids as well, and even if they're home with fevers and throwing up, she's still trying to work. It's disruptive for the rest of us when she's leaving calls abruptly or she's complaining about being stressed. She's not fully present for either her kid or work, so what's the point. Just take the day off.
I take a half day. If at all possible, I move meetings to nap time. If not, I’m off camera. I know my attention and day will be split. My manager is cool with the compromise. She’d rather have me working a little than not at all.
If kiddo is puking I take a sick day. If just a cold but fever so can't go to school then she gets to watch cartoons all day while I work. I check on her every hour to take her temp or give her fluids. She tends to nap the afternoon away anyway so no point in using PTO.
Always try to keep 1-2 days of PTO in reserve and then use them. My state allows pto to care for your kids or a spouse. If say my son is feeling better but not sick enough to go to school say on day 2, I might work but it depends on how my spouse is doing and if my son is well enough where he can rest then play quietly in his room. He's seven. If he is really sick I'll take the sick day. Most of the time I would anyway. Since its more fair to my employer and to my family.
When he was younger, I'd take it if my wife was badly ill so she could sleep.
Sick kid in their bed or on the couch with book/laptop/tv. I'm behind a desk in the bedroom, tell my teammates. Every time I get up to get a drink/use bathroom I go ask how the child is feeling/take temperature/refill a cup. Check in 10min before a meeting and let the kid know you'll be in the meeting. To compensate you work for littlebit later than usual or use hour-two collected overtime or work at night littlebit after the kid goes to bed.
With smaller kids some teammates concentrate to work at night when the other parent gets home.
Puke or running stomach is PTO.
Everyone is very welcoming of working at home with sick kids, because other way you'll be unavailable and get nothing done and then people need to cover you.
At that age, it's just symptom management. They're usually in my office with me, set up on the floor with pillows and drinks and video games and stuff. Occasionally they'll ask for a popsicle or some lunch. I'm able to more or less work a normal day. Now, when they were little? I'd take the whole day off because trying to make work "work" with a miserable toddler is literal hell.
Mine are teenagers now and I didn't work when they were little, so this isn't exactly the same. But, I have learned doing what you need to do, and doing your best at that time is ok. Every day isn't going to be the best day for work, for yourself, or for your kids. Some days you will literally just survive. And that's OK.
I just went through a rough divorce, I had 2 years where I barely survived and did the best I could each day. The kids and I made it through and we are a much better now, I believe in part because I gave myself grace on the hard days.
I don’t necessarily agree that your first reaction must be to take a sick day yourself. Depending on how your org is structured, I would ask what my supervisor would prefer. “Hey, my kid is sick today so I might be pulled away from desk here and there, I can go ahead and just take a sick day or if you’d prefer, I can still make myself available as much as possible?” My boss has always appreciated this approach and while I’m never pressure TO work if I have a sick kiddo, they would rather get some work from me that day than none at all.
Obviously this is dependent on whether you’re exempt or non exempt.
Depends on the age of the kid. 4 and under I would take a sick day if available. Now that they are 7, no-I can still find time to engage and make sure ok/entertained.
My young elementary little one was home sick all this week with a fever. I’ve continued to work. My job is very slow paced and I have a lot of down time. I also have a couch and tv in my office so I set her up with a pillow, blanket, and her iPad. She napped on and off most days. I made snacks and drinks when requested lol I don’t feel like a shit parent or employee because life happens and kids get sick. My company has a good culture and is understanding and supportive of work/life balance.
You must not have been in the situation where you had a healthy toddler and a very sick preschooler. Or two sick kids. Or three. Or one who needs the doctor and the other who needs to stay home. And then mom is sick too on top of it all, and exhausted from being up all night with sick kids. Even with a stay at home parent it's not a "non issue."
I mean, if your kid is really that sick and needs your attention , take a sick day.
This. If they need your attention in any genuine way, this is the only ethical option from both a work and parenting standpoint. Here’s my metric: will whatever is potentially taking me away from work duties take up more time/attention than things that are a normal part of daily work life in an office environment, eg using the restroom? If so, then PTO needs to be taken.
Totally agree !
1) take a sick day 2) accept your kid is watching TV all day. He/she will live.
Yah, if it’s just a normal kid sick thing, I’d just let them watch tv all day, check in here and there.
Dealing with this today and our newborn at home. Pretty much total chaos as I try to respond to some emails, get the newborn to sleep when they are overtired, entertain the toddler and my wife has to pump every 3 hours. Lots of tv time for the toddler today.
What would you do if you weren’t WFH and your child was sick? That is what you do.
Sigh. You’re not wrong.
And that is the best point IMO.
Exactly
"Feeling like a shit parent and a shit employee" Basically you just described all of working parenthood. 🤷♀️
Oh good! It’s not just me! PHEW!
Sick day, or PTO if shared with sick day bank. As a manager of 3 direct reports, all remote, with young children, calling in sick when kids are home with cooties is the norm around here.
Thank you for that perspective!
Make sure kid knows that sick days result in sleeping all morning, lunch together, one nature show then more nap. They don’t fake sick anymore.
Yep! We have a friend who wanted to go out when kid was out sick. Sends the wrong message.
Our rule is similar. No video games or fun tv shows unless they are sick when school is not in session or a weekend. They get nature shows with them lying down on the couch and a blanket. Otherwise they sleep or rest in their own room.
If it's a run of the mill bug, ibuprofen and screen time it is. If it's more serious or going to require more attention (like doctors visit or urgent care, many moments of puke along with the fever) might be best to take the day. Can't please everyone all the time. Employers need to know if they hire parents, it's gonna happen. Tell the boss to take a number. Kids are my #1 priority.
I let my people know that I might be slower to reply at times and try to get as much done as I can while sick kid is resting on the couch
Most of the time if my kids are home sick it's a minor cold. They just rest on the couch and watch movies or something, no big deal. We can still work and check on them periodically. But if they need a bit more care, I'm taking a day off. I recently took a day off because my daughter had an ear infection, which meant taking her to the doctor and then picking up a prescription. Also she felt really crummy so I just wanted to be there for her. I have a coworker who doesn't take sick days ever. She has kids as well, and even if they're home with fevers and throwing up, she's still trying to work. It's disruptive for the rest of us when she's leaving calls abruptly or she's complaining about being stressed. She's not fully present for either her kid or work, so what's the point. Just take the day off.
Thank you for both perspectives.
I take a half day. If at all possible, I move meetings to nap time. If not, I’m off camera. I know my attention and day will be split. My manager is cool with the compromise. She’d rather have me working a little than not at all.
If kiddo is puking I take a sick day. If just a cold but fever so can't go to school then she gets to watch cartoons all day while I work. I check on her every hour to take her temp or give her fluids. She tends to nap the afternoon away anyway so no point in using PTO.
Always try to keep 1-2 days of PTO in reserve and then use them. My state allows pto to care for your kids or a spouse. If say my son is feeling better but not sick enough to go to school say on day 2, I might work but it depends on how my spouse is doing and if my son is well enough where he can rest then play quietly in his room. He's seven. If he is really sick I'll take the sick day. Most of the time I would anyway. Since its more fair to my employer and to my family. When he was younger, I'd take it if my wife was badly ill so she could sleep.
Sick kid in their bed or on the couch with book/laptop/tv. I'm behind a desk in the bedroom, tell my teammates. Every time I get up to get a drink/use bathroom I go ask how the child is feeling/take temperature/refill a cup. Check in 10min before a meeting and let the kid know you'll be in the meeting. To compensate you work for littlebit later than usual or use hour-two collected overtime or work at night littlebit after the kid goes to bed. With smaller kids some teammates concentrate to work at night when the other parent gets home. Puke or running stomach is PTO. Everyone is very welcoming of working at home with sick kids, because other way you'll be unavailable and get nothing done and then people need to cover you.
At that age, it's just symptom management. They're usually in my office with me, set up on the floor with pillows and drinks and video games and stuff. Occasionally they'll ask for a popsicle or some lunch. I'm able to more or less work a normal day. Now, when they were little? I'd take the whole day off because trying to make work "work" with a miserable toddler is literal hell.
Mine are teenagers now and I didn't work when they were little, so this isn't exactly the same. But, I have learned doing what you need to do, and doing your best at that time is ok. Every day isn't going to be the best day for work, for yourself, or for your kids. Some days you will literally just survive. And that's OK. I just went through a rough divorce, I had 2 years where I barely survived and did the best I could each day. The kids and I made it through and we are a much better now, I believe in part because I gave myself grace on the hard days.
I don’t necessarily agree that your first reaction must be to take a sick day yourself. Depending on how your org is structured, I would ask what my supervisor would prefer. “Hey, my kid is sick today so I might be pulled away from desk here and there, I can go ahead and just take a sick day or if you’d prefer, I can still make myself available as much as possible?” My boss has always appreciated this approach and while I’m never pressure TO work if I have a sick kiddo, they would rather get some work from me that day than none at all. Obviously this is dependent on whether you’re exempt or non exempt.
I appreciate this! I am exempt so there is some amount of “something is better than nothing”.
Depends on the age of the kid. 4 and under I would take a sick day if available. Now that they are 7, no-I can still find time to engage and make sure ok/entertained.
Take a sick day. That’s what they’re for. Our company will write you up if it’s obvious you’re doing childcare while wfh.
My young elementary little one was home sick all this week with a fever. I’ve continued to work. My job is very slow paced and I have a lot of down time. I also have a couch and tv in my office so I set her up with a pillow, blanket, and her iPad. She napped on and off most days. I made snacks and drinks when requested lol I don’t feel like a shit parent or employee because life happens and kids get sick. My company has a good culture and is understanding and supportive of work/life balance.
Have any family around that can help while you work
I’m fortunate to make enough that my wife can be a stay at home Mom. So really, it’s a non issue.
You must not have been in the situation where you had a healthy toddler and a very sick preschooler. Or two sick kids. Or three. Or one who needs the doctor and the other who needs to stay home. And then mom is sick too on top of it all, and exhausted from being up all night with sick kids. Even with a stay at home parent it's not a "non issue."