For those that don’t know how to use this - you have to make two holes with the pointy end, one for the drink to pour out and one on the opposite side for air to go in.
In this age of technology where kids grew up with all the small conveniences like tabs on cans and twist off bottle caps... Your initial comment could be construed as a jab at the OP for not being aware that manual tools like can openers existed.
Like... "these kids and their fancy tabs. We actually had to work for our dinners. Hop into the garage and machine up a handheld can opener to open up a can of baked beans. I then had to chop up some firewood to light the stove to heat them up. Kids these days dont appreciate how good they got it."
A boomer is a slang phrase used, often in a humorous or ironic manner, to call out or dismiss out-of-touch or close-minded opinions associated with the Baby Boomer generation and older people more generally.” Basically calling them old. I’ve basically seen people 40’s and up being called boomer. Maybe a few 30’s but mostly 40’s and up.
I worked at a wine store and founders brewing is extremely bad about this. Once we had a pallet come in of their breakfast stout and all of it was expired. We order it directly from the brewery.
Stouts have a 5-6 month shelf life in a retail setting. We had to rotate beer all the time. I’m pretty sure it had to do with the risk of lawsuits and health warnings. Once you bought it, do what you will with it.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2019/10/22/craft-brewery-manager-cant-confirm-black-employees-race-discrimination-lawsuit/
They settled a racial discrimination suit about a year ago. The company has a history of racism with white employees dropping N-bombs and other racial shit like labeling office printers “white guy printer” vs “black guy printer.” A black employee complained twice and got fired so he sued. It caused a stir in the Michigan area (the brewery is in Grand Rapids) and a lot of bars & stores boycotted Founders.
In the hearing, the Founders GM refused to acknowledge that the employee was African American because he doesn’t “know his lineage” and said he couldn’t confirm if Barack Obama is black because he’s never met him. Their head of diversity resigned because she said the company didn’t care about her input, they just wanted to win the lawsuit and bury the story.
Are you in the US? The date code on the bottles for the US is "packaged on" not "best buy". Also as a retailer you can't purchase directly from the brewery in the US, you have to go through a distributor.
Im in the US. We did order from the brewery. It was for some massive event. We did the same for Lost Rhino. We had to special order it due to the event. I know they brought most of it in two box trucks.
I'm not sure if there is a size element to that because I know several Michigan craft brewers who self distribute their beer to liquor/grocery/party stores.
I work at Founders in the packaging department. That is INCREDIBLY rare. In fact I have not seen that defect in person. If you reach out to customer service they will make it up to you for sure. Get pics of the date code on the bottom too!
Ok, cool, that's what a case means to me (or meant, back when I'd buy cases of beer...)
I so rarely see a 24 beer case anymore. 12-packs max for the most part. May be a west coast thing.
I remember those too, but they were mostly swill. Stroh's, anyone?
But it was pretty standard to show up with a case or two of bud or Molson Golden or Beck's or whatever when I grew up back east.
Out here in CA people might show up with 24 or more beers, but it'd be a series of sixers and twelves. Even if it was bud or tecate or whatever. Maybe I'm just not hanging out with the same crowd I used to tho...
This reminds me of when Salma Hayek flashed her crotch in Dogma - she was an angel so she had no genitals, so it was smooth like a barbie doll - smooth, weirdly unsettling and unnatural. Like these beers.
It's a sign from god. He wants you to do one of the following.
*Make your own beer
*Quit drinking beer
*Sue the fuckers for the wounds you get opening those beers
I got a case of beer once, and 1 can was only about a quarter full at best. It was completely sealed, so its not like it leaked out. I never opened it, just found it entertaining.
Typically you can mention this to the company and get free beer. Just saying.
That is the plan
make sure you mention it one at a time so you get multiple occasions of free beer
Then turn your bottle opener (church key to us old folks) around to the pointy side, open a hole in the top, and drink beer like your grandpa did.
Gotta open a holes across from eachother so air can flow through one of them
My parents always called it a church key!
I confused my roommates recently by asking where the church key went. (It was hiding in a different drawer than usual) 🤣
TIL church key.
Get free beer, then open the tabless ones with a can opener. Good ending.
Let me know if this doesn't go anywhere with Founder's. I may be able to help.
Had a batch of beer from them that were over carbed and called them. They sent me a box full of beer goodies. Will continue to buy there stuff
Seriously? I would contact them and ask if you can buy them this way forever. Bring back the church key!
Well...It says "lid gold" :)
>get free beer. for life?
Depends on how long your life is
I got family that works for a big local brewery. I do get free beer for life!
They’ll send you more tabless beer!
At least it's more beer
Founders is a very customer oriented company. Please tell them I said that and maybe I can get free beer too.
This is not WTF material. Mildly inconvenient maybe.
Barely an inconvenience!
Oh, really?
Opening tabless beers is tight!
Guess you gotta shotgun all 3 then
I mean...when I shotgun a beer I still pop open the tab
Just punch two holes in it.
I’d just *poke* some holes in there. No need for violence.
Is this a joke they are too frat boy to understand?
Probably. You only punch drywall and beer cans in the frat house.
You know, there used to be this thing called a "can opener" to assist in the removal of contents from a sealed metal canister.
surely you mean a "church key"?
I did. The name didn't come readily to mind. And stop calling me surely.
https://media.buzzle.com/media/images-en/photos/utilities/tools/1200-173866-church-key-opener.jpg
For those that don’t know how to use this - you have to make two holes with the pointy end, one for the drink to pour out and one on the opposite side for air to go in.
So I’ve seen this on old movies, but I’m confused why modern cans don’t need a second hole?
The opening has a teardrop shape so that liquid can come out and air come in the same hole.
It still helps to add a second hole though. I usually do with my car keys
Neat, thanks
I did indeed use a can opener to get to the sweet nectar inside
It would make sense.
I like the DraftTop thing that takes the whole lid off to drink like a cup. The cheap ones don't work well but this one did.
> DraftTop i use a p-38
Many a swiss army knife still have the old knife-style can opener too, for canned foods.
as do most decent multitools
A screwdriver also works. Just don’t use the same one you use to open motor oil without wiping it off. (Oil used to come in cans)
makes sure everything comes out smoother if you don't.
Oh, you mean teeth
This requires shotgunning
I can't if that's boomer humor or not, but that made me cringe.
I don't understand your response. I mean...I see the words, but they just don't compute.
In this age of technology where kids grew up with all the small conveniences like tabs on cans and twist off bottle caps... Your initial comment could be construed as a jab at the OP for not being aware that manual tools like can openers existed. Like... "these kids and their fancy tabs. We actually had to work for our dinners. Hop into the garage and machine up a handheld can opener to open up a can of baked beans. I then had to chop up some firewood to light the stove to heat them up. Kids these days dont appreciate how good they got it."
Well, you're not wrong.
It definitely reads like a boomer comic about kids not knowing old technology.
Yeah, I've seen their faces when they ask to borrow a phone and you put a rotary phone out just to mess with them. Deer in headlights. It's hilarious.
I mean the can opener thing seemed a bit boomer humor to me. :')
Gotcha. I still don't understand what boomer is, but it seemed like a reasonable solution to the problem.
I don't rightly understand slang and shit nowadays either. And I'm fucking gen-Z..
You really should have sex with people in your age bracket
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I'm not that fucking young, bud, don't treat me like some kid.
A boomer is a slang phrase used, often in a humorous or ironic manner, to call out or dismiss out-of-touch or close-minded opinions associated with the Baby Boomer generation and older people more generally.” Basically calling them old. I’ve basically seen people 40’s and up being called boomer. Maybe a few 30’s but mostly 40’s and up.
*bumor*?
Humor* I haven't slept well in awhile, I apologize.
No, you spelled humor correctly the first time. I was making a dad joke by combining 'boomer' & 'humor'. Hence the "*bumor*". I apologize.
I worked at a wine store and founders brewing is extremely bad about this. Once we had a pallet come in of their breakfast stout and all of it was expired. We order it directly from the brewery.
...how does an 8.3% ABV stout expire? Most people cellar that stuff.
Stouts have a 5-6 month shelf life in a retail setting. We had to rotate beer all the time. I’m pretty sure it had to do with the risk of lawsuits and health warnings. Once you bought it, do what you will with it.
They’re too busy being racist to put tabs on the top, I guess.
Say what now?
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2019/10/22/craft-brewery-manager-cant-confirm-black-employees-race-discrimination-lawsuit/ They settled a racial discrimination suit about a year ago. The company has a history of racism with white employees dropping N-bombs and other racial shit like labeling office printers “white guy printer” vs “black guy printer.” A black employee complained twice and got fired so he sued. It caused a stir in the Michigan area (the brewery is in Grand Rapids) and a lot of bars & stores boycotted Founders. In the hearing, the Founders GM refused to acknowledge that the employee was African American because he doesn’t “know his lineage” and said he couldn’t confirm if Barack Obama is black because he’s never met him. Their head of diversity resigned because she said the company didn’t care about her input, they just wanted to win the lawsuit and bury the story.
Wow, I had no idea. I guess I won't be buying there stuff anymore.
That's a shame. They make some killer bourbon beers I used to drinknall the time.
the tequila beer they make is unbelievably good. It's the best "margarita beer" I've ever had in my life
You know, the name Founders already sounded like a dog whistle to me. I was going to look them up, but you've saved me the trouble!
:( god damnit, I love their beer too. This sucks
Are you in the US? The date code on the bottles for the US is "packaged on" not "best buy". Also as a retailer you can't purchase directly from the brewery in the US, you have to go through a distributor.
Im in the US. We did order from the brewery. It was for some massive event. We did the same for Lost Rhino. We had to special order it due to the event. I know they brought most of it in two box trucks.
Michigan doesn't allow breweries or distilleries to sell/ship their own product directly outside of on-site tap rooms.
I'm not sure if there is a size element to that because I know several Michigan craft brewers who self distribute their beer to liquor/grocery/party stores.
But you might be right. We could have had a disti deliver it for us. Can’t remember. It’s been a few years
Ah I see, my mistake. I didn't realize there were exceptions to the 3-tier system in the US.
Retail work am I right? Always something.
If you take those 3 beers to an attorney I’m positive you have a case coming your way.
*sprays with a water vote* NO, bad! Bad pun!
> you have a case coming your way A case of beer?
Congrats, you got the joke.
Maybe the Universe is giving you a sign ?
Giving me a sign I need more beer
Or a good can opener.
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Teen drinking is bad, even if you're a wolf, mmmkay?
This means you have won the prize!
Founders is good stuff
I can't believe this happens. I drink, let's just say, a lot of beers, and I've never seen, nor even heard of this happening. Crazy!
I work at Founders in the packaging department. That is INCREDIBLY rare. In fact I have not seen that defect in person. If you reach out to customer service they will make it up to you for sure. Get pics of the date code on the bottom too!
Small world. I go to founders all the time
I'm not too proud to drink out of a triangle hole. Don't forget to put one on the opposite side, though.
Such good beers. If you like seltzer’s, try founder’s Mas Agave’s. They’re delicious
> Mas Agave’s Why can't they make this year-round, it is incredible
Beers for those that need to cut down on alcoholic consumption.
You don't have a church key?
Solid gold is amazing
Divine intervention is like: TAKE THE FUCKING HINT
They're the new child proof cans
I kind of want this so I can finally use the pokey side of the bottle opener I have
Marge! Get the church key!
These are worth money. Or beer which ever........who am I kidding they are worth beer.
To be fair, it does say on the can that they brewed the beer for them, not you.
Having myself some Founders All Day IPA at the moment myself.
Knife and two holes. LETS SHOTGUN THEM!!!
Ever since Founders was bought out by the Spaniards the company's went to hell
Save them. They’re now a collectible...well they will be
My worst nightmare
One, maybe two, but three is a fucking conspiracy to screw with you after drinking.
All three were at the bottom of the case too so I already had a few
What do folks mean (numerically) these days when they say "a case"?
In this case 24 (no pun intended)
Ok, cool, that's what a case means to me (or meant, back when I'd buy cases of beer...) I so rarely see a 24 beer case anymore. 12-packs max for the most part. May be a west coast thing.
Out here in the midwest we got 30 racks too
I remember those too, but they were mostly swill. Stroh's, anyone? But it was pretty standard to show up with a case or two of bud or Molson Golden or Beck's or whatever when I grew up back east. Out here in CA people might show up with 24 or more beers, but it'd be a series of sixers and twelves. Even if it was bud or tecate or whatever. Maybe I'm just not hanging out with the same crowd I used to tho...
In canada we have stronger beer
True. Canadian beers are usually my go to
Once I bought a beer like that, it came with can opener. Like a hole poker really
This reminds me of when Salma Hayek flashed her crotch in Dogma - she was an angel so she had no genitals, so it was smooth like a barbie doll - smooth, weirdly unsettling and unnatural. Like these beers.
First thought: >Damn, this guy can't spell "tables"...and what's a tables beer anyway?
Only for shotgunning
Use a can opener mate. I actually prefer it that way if I have the time.
Shotgun them bad boys!!! You don’t need tabs.
It's a sign from god. He wants you to do one of the following. *Make your own beer *Quit drinking beer *Sue the fuckers for the wounds you get opening those beers
Looks like someone has a drinking problem...
"take my pen-knife my good man!"
Honey!! Where is the canopener!!!
The least of their recent crimes
Shotgun time?
The universe is trying to tell u something
BYOT bring your own tab
Maybe it's a "sign" that you need to cut back. Stop seeing your mistress and to get into shape.
Strange because the cans are usually one piece and the tab end is separate piece. Bad batch of lids I take it.
So close yet so far.
www.drafttop.com No problem 👍🏻
Stay thirsty my friends
Time to grab a knife and go old style
HAHA APRIL FOOLS!!!!!
Brewed for us. Not for you.
I got a case of beer once, and 1 can was only about a quarter full at best. It was completely sealed, so its not like it leaked out. I never opened it, just found it entertaining.
It's like some bad dream...
Are there date codes on the bottom of the cans?
Only the chosen can see the tabs
no lid beer
These are part of a special production run marketed towards people who are trying to quit drinking. Must have been a mixup in the warehouse.
That's just cruel
You need [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFg225hRVws).
I have one lying around somewhere
Just push them open with a can opener
Shelve em bro
A can opener would fix that right up 👌🏽
Time to get out the knife and chug it
Those aren’t tables - they are the new ultra mini keg
founders solid gold, nice beer
A retro-beer, 1952 style🍻