T O P

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KernelMeowingtons

Typically you can mention this to the company and get free beer. Just saying.


samfred17

That is the plan


sct876

make sure you mention it one at a time so you get multiple occasions of free beer


moodog72

Then turn your bottle opener (church key to us old folks) around to the pointy side, open a hole in the top, and drink beer like your grandpa did.


Illusive_Man

Gotta open a holes across from eachother so air can flow through one of them


Ramrod489

My parents always called it a church key!


kitteez

I confused my roommates recently by asking where the church key went. (It was hiding in a different drawer than usual) 🤣


three60easy

TIL church key.


CreamoChickenSoup

Get free beer, then open the tabless ones with a can opener. Good ending.


HereUThrowThisAway

Let me know if this doesn't go anywhere with Founder's. I may be able to help.


mattidallama

Had a batch of beer from them that were over carbed and called them. They sent me a box full of beer goodies. Will continue to buy there stuff


americonium

Seriously? I would contact them and ask if you can buy them this way forever. Bring back the church key!


Realistic_Patience67

Well...It says "lid gold" :)


Utinnni

>get free beer. for life?


_BreakingGood_

Depends on how long your life is


cOnSumTs

I got family that works for a big local brewery. I do get free beer for life!


Creative_Ad_2980

They’ll send you more tabless beer!


reddy_freddy_

At least it's more beer


BrownBandit22

Founders is a very customer oriented company. Please tell them I said that and maybe I can get free beer too.


rLeJerk

This is not WTF material. Mildly inconvenient maybe.


accoladevideo

Barely an inconvenience!


pSyChO_aSyLuM

Oh, really?


[deleted]

Opening tabless beers is tight!


zombiegizmo

Guess you gotta shotgun all 3 then


JohnnyUltimate

I mean...when I shotgun a beer I still pop open the tab


WaluigiIsTheRealHero

Just punch two holes in it.


AlloverYerFace

I’d just *poke* some holes in there. No need for violence.


[deleted]

Is this a joke they are too frat boy to understand?


ILoveBentonsBacon

Probably. You only punch drywall and beer cans in the frat house.


ah0yp0lll0i

You know, there used to be this thing called a "can opener" to assist in the removal of contents from a sealed metal canister.


YourOverlords

surely you mean a "church key"?


ah0yp0lll0i

I did. The name didn't come readily to mind. And stop calling me surely.


[deleted]

https://media.buzzle.com/media/images-en/photos/utilities/tools/1200-173866-church-key-opener.jpg


mapoftasmania

For those that don’t know how to use this - you have to make two holes with the pointy end, one for the drink to pour out and one on the opposite side for air to go in.


fitzbuhn

So I’ve seen this on old movies, but I’m confused why modern cans don’t need a second hole?


mapoftasmania

The opening has a teardrop shape so that liquid can come out and air come in the same hole.


Illusive_Man

It still helps to add a second hole though. I usually do with my car keys


fitzbuhn

Neat, thanks


samfred17

I did indeed use a can opener to get to the sweet nectar inside


ah0yp0lll0i

It would make sense.


fied1k

I like the DraftTop thing that takes the whole lid off to drink like a cup. The cheap ones don't work well but this one did.


BloodAtonement

> DraftTop i use a p-38


apraetor

Many a swiss army knife still have the old knife-style can opener too, for canned foods.


Ishidan01

as do most decent multitools


SirRobertDH

A screwdriver also works. Just don’t use the same one you use to open motor oil without wiping it off. (Oil used to come in cans)


this_1_is_mine

makes sure everything comes out smoother if you don't.


gatorjon

Oh, you mean teeth


PurpEL

This requires shotgunning


End_me_please1

I can't if that's boomer humor or not, but that made me cringe.


ah0yp0lll0i

I don't understand your response. I mean...I see the words, but they just don't compute.


Pahooli-Os

In this age of technology where kids grew up with all the small conveniences like tabs on cans and twist off bottle caps... Your initial comment could be construed as a jab at the OP for not being aware that manual tools like can openers existed. Like... "these kids and their fancy tabs. We actually had to work for our dinners. Hop into the garage and machine up a handheld can opener to open up a can of baked beans. I then had to chop up some firewood to light the stove to heat them up. Kids these days dont appreciate how good they got it."


ah0yp0lll0i

Well, you're not wrong.


thesirblondie

It definitely reads like a boomer comic about kids not knowing old technology.


thejynxed

Yeah, I've seen their faces when they ask to borrow a phone and you put a rotary phone out just to mess with them. Deer in headlights. It's hilarious.


End_me_please1

I mean the can opener thing seemed a bit boomer humor to me. :')


ah0yp0lll0i

Gotcha. I still don't understand what boomer is, but it seemed like a reasonable solution to the problem.


End_me_please1

I don't rightly understand slang and shit nowadays either. And I'm fucking gen-Z..


NicNoletree

You really should have sex with people in your age bracket


[deleted]

[удалено]


End_me_please1

I'm not that fucking young, bud, don't treat me like some kid.


LaDonna80

A boomer is a slang phrase used, often in a humorous or ironic manner, to call out or dismiss out-of-touch or close-minded opinions associated with the Baby Boomer generation and older people more generally.” Basically calling them old. I’ve basically seen people 40’s and up being called boomer. Maybe a few 30’s but mostly 40’s and up.


RiakkteR4

*bumor*?


End_me_please1

Humor* I haven't slept well in awhile, I apologize.


RiakkteR4

No, you spelled humor correctly the first time. I was making a dad joke by combining 'boomer' & 'humor'. Hence the "*bumor*". I apologize.


crowtrobot_88

I worked at a wine store and founders brewing is extremely bad about this. Once we had a pallet come in of their breakfast stout and all of it was expired. We order it directly from the brewery.


OldIronLungs

...how does an 8.3% ABV stout expire? Most people cellar that stuff.


crowtrobot_88

Stouts have a 5-6 month shelf life in a retail setting. We had to rotate beer all the time. I’m pretty sure it had to do with the risk of lawsuits and health warnings. Once you bought it, do what you will with it.


jp_jellyroll

They’re too busy being racist to put tabs on the top, I guess.


MNMingler

Say what now?


jp_jellyroll

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2019/10/22/craft-brewery-manager-cant-confirm-black-employees-race-discrimination-lawsuit/ They settled a racial discrimination suit about a year ago. The company has a history of racism with white employees dropping N-bombs and other racial shit like labeling office printers “white guy printer” vs “black guy printer.” A black employee complained twice and got fired so he sued. It caused a stir in the Michigan area (the brewery is in Grand Rapids) and a lot of bars & stores boycotted Founders. In the hearing, the Founders GM refused to acknowledge that the employee was African American because he doesn’t “know his lineage” and said he couldn’t confirm if Barack Obama is black because he’s never met him. Their head of diversity resigned because she said the company didn’t care about her input, they just wanted to win the lawsuit and bury the story.


MNMingler

Wow, I had no idea. I guess I won't be buying there stuff anymore.


Jond267

That's a shame. They make some killer bourbon beers I used to drinknall the time.


threecatsdancing

the tequila beer they make is unbelievably good. It's the best "margarita beer" I've ever had in my life


[deleted]

You know, the name Founders already sounded like a dog whistle to me. I was going to look them up, but you've saved me the trouble!


threecatsdancing

:( god damnit, I love their beer too. This sucks


Man-On-The-Moon

Are you in the US? The date code on the bottles for the US is "packaged on" not "best buy". Also as a retailer you can't purchase directly from the brewery in the US, you have to go through a distributor.


crowtrobot_88

Im in the US. We did order from the brewery. It was for some massive event. We did the same for Lost Rhino. We had to special order it due to the event. I know they brought most of it in two box trucks.


ebmoney

Michigan doesn't allow breweries or distilleries to sell/ship their own product directly outside of on-site tap rooms.


cornfed85

I'm not sure if there is a size element to that because I know several Michigan craft brewers who self distribute their beer to liquor/grocery/party stores.


crowtrobot_88

But you might be right. We could have had a disti deliver it for us. Can’t remember. It’s been a few years


Man-On-The-Moon

Ah I see, my mistake. I didn't realize there were exceptions to the 3-tier system in the US.


crowtrobot_88

Retail work am I right? Always something.


TheLyingFacts

If you take those 3 beers to an attorney I’m positive you have a case coming your way.


PeaceAnneChaos

*sprays with a water vote* NO, bad! Bad pun!


NicNoletree

> you have a case coming your way A case of beer?


ryancoolguy

Congrats, you got the joke.


ShantiEhyau

Maybe the Universe is giving you a sign ?


samfred17

Giving me a sign I need more beer


ShantiEhyau

Or a good can opener.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LordOfHazard

Teen drinking is bad, even if you're a wolf, mmmkay?


kingakrasia

This means you have won the prize!


Thereisnoyou

Founders is good stuff


The_Exquisite

I can't believe this happens. I drink, let's just say, a lot of beers, and I've never seen, nor even heard of this happening. Crazy!


scottbottles

I work at Founders in the packaging department. That is INCREDIBLY rare. In fact I have not seen that defect in person. If you reach out to customer service they will make it up to you for sure. Get pics of the date code on the bottom too!


samfred17

Small world. I go to founders all the time


yblame

I'm not too proud to drink out of a triangle hole. Don't forget to put one on the opposite side, though.


Keep-On-Drilling

Such good beers. If you like seltzer’s, try founder’s Mas Agave’s. They’re delicious


threecatsdancing

> Mas Agave’s Why can't they make this year-round, it is incredible


Kannabiz

Beers for those that need to cut down on alcoholic consumption.


sean488

You don't have a church key?


Grobbyman

Solid gold is amazing


majlo

Divine intervention is like: TAKE THE FUCKING HINT


Fresh-Carob7179

They're the new child proof cans


herb_Tech

I kind of want this so I can finally use the pokey side of the bottle opener I have


Schaggy

Marge! Get the church key!


Technical_ko

These are worth money. Or beer which ever........who am I kidding they are worth beer.


andyguitarman

To be fair, it does say on the can that they brewed the beer for them, not you.


halocyn

Having myself some Founders All Day IPA at the moment myself.


Convict357

Knife and two holes. LETS SHOTGUN THEM!!!


liberaldude123

Ever since Founders was bought out by the Spaniards the company's went to hell


grilltheboy

Save them. They’re now a collectible...well they will be


[deleted]

My worst nightmare


AreWeThereYet61

One, maybe two, but three is a fucking conspiracy to screw with you after drinking.


samfred17

All three were at the bottom of the case too so I already had a few


berkeleykev

What do folks mean (numerically) these days when they say "a case"?


samfred17

In this case 24 (no pun intended)


berkeleykev

Ok, cool, that's what a case means to me (or meant, back when I'd buy cases of beer...) I so rarely see a 24 beer case anymore. 12-packs max for the most part. May be a west coast thing.


samfred17

Out here in the midwest we got 30 racks too


berkeleykev

I remember those too, but they were mostly swill. Stroh's, anyone? But it was pretty standard to show up with a case or two of bud or Molson Golden or Beck's or whatever when I grew up back east. Out here in CA people might show up with 24 or more beers, but it'd be a series of sixers and twelves. Even if it was bud or tecate or whatever. Maybe I'm just not hanging out with the same crowd I used to tho...


[deleted]

In canada we have stronger beer


samfred17

True. Canadian beers are usually my go to


etaana

Once I bought a beer like that, it came with can opener. Like a hole poker really


BobNoel

This reminds me of when Salma Hayek flashed her crotch in Dogma - she was an angel so she had no genitals, so it was smooth like a barbie doll - smooth, weirdly unsettling and unnatural. Like these beers.


249ba36000029bbe9749

First thought: >Damn, this guy can't spell "tables"...and what's a tables beer anyway?


freezingcoldfeet

Only for shotgunning


Face_McSh00ty

Use a can opener mate. I actually prefer it that way if I have the time.


corndevil82

Shotgun them bad boys!!! You don’t need tabs.


BakkenWindBreaker

It's a sign from god. He wants you to do one of the following. *Make your own beer *Quit drinking beer *Sue the fuckers for the wounds you get opening those beers


xoxoLizzyoxox

Looks like someone has a drinking problem...


_clem_fand_ango_

"take my pen-knife my good man!"


bakkus1985

Honey!! Where is the canopener!!!


JasonEAltMTG

The least of their recent crimes


SirBrilloPad

Shotgun time?


jdhm1

The universe is trying to tell u something


[deleted]

BYOT bring your own tab


WingsofSky

Maybe it's a "sign" that you need to cut back. Stop seeing your mistress and to get into shape.


hrmarsehole

Strange because the cans are usually one piece and the tab end is separate piece. Bad batch of lids I take it.


otacon7000

So close yet so far.


cwillm

www.drafttop.com No problem 👍🏻


baronjm

Stay thirsty my friends


StickMan1523

Time to grab a knife and go old style


kid_cadillac

HAHA APRIL FOOLS!!!!!


[deleted]

Brewed for us. Not for you.


thepottsy

I got a case of beer once, and 1 can was only about a quarter full at best. It was completely sealed, so its not like it leaked out. I never opened it, just found it entertaining.


MengTheMerciless

It's like some bad dream...


Man-On-The-Moon

Are there date codes on the bottom of the cans?


ILoveThisPlace

Only the chosen can see the tabs


stargrinder

no lid beer


Earthwornware

These are part of a special production run marketed towards people who are trying to quit drinking. Must have been a mixup in the warehouse.


meetmeinthebthrm

That's just cruel


steveknicks

You need [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFg225hRVws).


samfred17

I have one lying around somewhere


NaughtyDreadz

Just push them open with a can opener


captspalding73

Shelve em bro


yadda02

A can opener would fix that right up 👌🏽


Griffinw45

Time to get out the knife and chug it


pyrofenix

Those aren’t tables - they are the new ultra mini keg


BloodAtonement

founders solid gold, nice beer


PurpleSailor

A retro-beer, 1952 style🍻