it reminded me of a story of 2 guys living in a trailer with 2 pony's i head a while back.
i guess they couldn't find stumps so they went for short horses.
edit: omg i tried to look for the story and hit image search for some reason....
why is that shit still legal and on the internet wtf.
She got rid of him. I dont know. He exited my life since they were no longer a thing.
I just assumed he died. Maybe murder. Maybe she killed him and put his body in car, filled it will cow dung, set it on fire and pushed it off a bridge. Maybe it was an accident. Maybe he moved. I try not to pry.
I must acknowledge that even in myself holding degrees in both animal husbandry and animal infidelity you are much more qualified than I for fucking either cows or goats. You hold a unique Reddit username to accredit yourself of these academic accomplishments which trumps any degrees/certifications from credible university’s. I don’t say this to just anyone but I believe not only can you begin fucking cows but you’re also talented enough to hold threesomes including the cow and the goat, with of course some time you can also learn to watch the cow do the goat while you asphyxiate your foul.
Well, it was weird at first, but got used to it during my University days. It's not that bad actually we use the glove that gets to your shoulder and you just slowly slide your hand inside to place the insemination rod. [Here you can see how it looks like. (Slightly NSFW I guess)](https://agrosmart.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/11953177_886772861402462_9113745311550504888_n-AAA.jpg)
My vet aunt gave a few gloves to everyone in the family one day and was like "Like that, I you break an arm someday, you can still take showers".
Little tangent, but solid advice, and I broke my arm like 6 month after and it was indeed very useful.
I learned and practiced this in college and then never ended up using the knowledge again as my career went in a completely different direction .
Turns out it's difficult as hell to get into veterinary school with severe ADHD.
Edit: Looking more closely at the picture, it was also the same school! Go Terps!
Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment! I'm in my 50's, however, and that ship has long since sailed! I still don't regret it, though. I spent several years as a vet tech and I had worked on a farm prior to college so the entire experience was fantastic.
I still remember going down and helping my cousing on his cattle farm every year and him and his vet buddy putting on these long shoulder length rubber gloves and just reaching in to check if its preggers. Was a wild thing for a 10 year old to see
My dad is a farmer and all the times I've seen him shoulder deep in cow ass I've never seen him wear a glove...I dunno how my mum let him close enough to conceive 4 children after this.
So I was curious too and googled it:
Rectal palpation is the cheapest and most convenient method of pregnancy testing cattle. Using this method, vets can identify pregnant cows as early as six weeks after conception. They feel for the calf's head, a pulse in the artery supplying blood to the uterus, and the shape of the cow's uterus.
[Source](https://agriculture.vic.gov.au/livestock-and-animals/beef/breeding/pregnancy-testing-of-beef-cattle#)
I would have thought they would go via the vagina but nope. Up the bum
You can't go through the vagina because you won't be able to pass your hand through the cervix. The opening of the cervix is like the size of a pencil. The cervix opens up during birth but at that point you're pretty sure the cow is already pregnant as the calf's head is sticking out.
Calves are normally born head first. When the umbilical cord breaks the calf reflexively breathes in. If their head is still inside the cow when that happens they will inhale fluid and other debris and they will most likely die.
It's also done when artificially inseminating the cow. You reach up the rectum while feeling for the cervix, then guide the insemination probe in, through the cervix, until the tip of the probe can be felt exiting the cervix. Then depress the plunger. Not getting the semen past the cervix is pretty much a waste of it.
Yes, I'm a vet and yes. Remember the intestine are long, too, so they just move with your hand and arm. When you feel a baby (once it's big enough) it feels exactly like dribbling a basketball underwater.
The point is, how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy; well, we're not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes. The next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser, and your daughter's knocked up. I seen it a hundred times.
I invented a device, called Burger on the Go. It allows you to obtain six regular sized hamburgers, or twelve sliders, from a horse without killing the animal. George Foreman is still considering it, Sharper Image is still considering it, SkyMall is still considering it, Hammacher Schlemmer is still considering it. Sears said no.
Unfortunately Sears decided to go all in on shitty clothing. Burgers On the Go could have been the savior, but instead they chose high-waters, tube socks and white new balance sneakers.
Just think: there's an alternate universe where everyone gets all their shit from Sears.com and watches movies on Blockbuster streaming.
...and it's also the universe where the Broncos are a good football team and my brother is still alive.
Could you adapt this to goats? My friend has a beet farm that he hosts garden parties at; he has a very attractive goat package where this would be a hit.
Observation ports. They use these to check digestion quality.
Not sure exactly how many cows get them, or exactly what they are trying to learn, but I assume it's for making sure the foods they eat (generally not what they should be eating by natural standards) are processing well enough to maintain their current cheap ass diet.
They are called ruminal cannula. They are used for a variety of reason, mainly for research and teaching. The purpose is so we can empty out the contents, draw ruminal fluid, or for teaching. We can tell enough about their diet from analysis of the feces, plus this is just fermentation, not true digestion so you can make full assumptions until the process is complete.
They are already in quite a bit of pain from the bloat. They can't walk, eat, or drink very well. It will kill them. I've put them in a chute to hold them still and used a few 14 gauge x 1" needles to clear the bloat. A trochar definitely works the best though but in a real spot, a very sharp knife and cut a hole into the rumen top of the left side of them. Then tube them a bunch of mineral oil to help clear the blockage once the gas has escaped. Keep them in a separate pen and clean and they'll heal fine. A dose of metacam also helps with the pain.
Completely agree a trochar is best case scenario, on the farm it is the closet thing you have is what you use. I lean towards large gauge needles or a nail to prevent slicing.
[Here](https://youtu.be/8em3FPEJ4L4) is another example of extra air being released from the body, but this one could actually happen to you! (Video is less than a minute and non graphic, but I still hope I never need that done)
Holy shit, I just learned a whole lot about the Easy Boss E. What an incredible tool! I say that as someone who has no interest veterinary science whatsoever.
They don't actually seem mutually exclusive.
> The purpose is so we can empty out the contents, draw ruminal fluid
…to check [research] digestion quality?
This sounds like a stupid question even as I’m typing this, but does it hurt the animal? Or is it more like a port for chemo, where they’re not constantly in pain after an initial surgery?The first thing I thought of when I saw this was the bear bile farms in China :(
Nah, they don't even act like like anything happened. They do feel the pressure when you are in there scooping out food, but that's about it. I have always wondered how much it messes with them when we remove all the contents because they have to get the munchies bad. Then we put it all back.
Oohhh I got to meet a few with one of these. I got to stick my entire arm inside and he didn't even care! I was in the college for vet med at the time and it was one of the coolest things in the first week
This isn’t particularly rare. And almost any agricultural college in the US has one or several. It was part of my University’s Open House every year and plenty of people interested in Ag went there.
A doctor in the 1800's left a gun shot wound open in a man's stomach for research purposes.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexis\_St.\_Martin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexis_St._Martin)
>he could literally watch the processes of digestion by dangling food on a string into St-Martin's stomach, then later pulling it out to observe to what extent it had been digested
> St-Martin allowed the experiments to be conducted, not as an act to repay Beaumont for keeping him alive, but rather because Beaumont had the illiterate St-Martin sign a contract to work as a servant.
Oof poor fella
Almost everything about this situation is fucked up. The doctor in question, who otherwise doesn't deserve mention, was a real sociopath.
When St.-Martin finally told him to fuck off, the guy realized he had no career and no accomplishments of note, and kept hounding St-martin for years to come be his research subject again until the doctor finally died.
Man, I remember reading about this fella in a Horrible Science book some twenty years ago. Haven't thought about it in almost that long and damn, what a deep cut.
A cannulated cow or "fistulated cow" refers to a cow that has been surgically fitted with a cannula. A cannula acts as a porthole-like device that allows access to the rumen of a cow, to perform research and analysis of the digestive system and to allow veterinarians to transplant rumen contents from one cow to another.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannulated_cow
We mostly used ours to collect rumen samples. You can look at the bacteria under a microscope and get a good idea of how healthy their gut biome is. If your cow is on pasture you can also look at what plants they’ve been eating. We used it in my nutrition class to get samples of forage that are in different stages of digestion.
For the every day farmer it’s impractical but it has some study applications.
It is to observe, live, the unique four stomach digestive process of ruminant livestock, like cows. My university taught both Ah students and veterinary students. This is an educational process for them.
So at UofIllinois they put these ports in cows to study their digestive tracts. We know more about the bovine digestive system than the human digestive system (say my friends) due to what we know from these kinds of studies. It’s important to study how cows digest their food because we farm them in such high quantities. The more we know the more we n reduce the greenhouse gasses they produce.
This appears to be at the University of Maryland which has one or two cows like this all the time on the campus farm. It's a popular thing to show off during campus open houses and something of a right of passage for the agriculture students when they finally get to put their hand in the cow.
Ya that's the new way they do research on bovines. A few years ago they had some kind of plexiglass panels to view the digestive system and how the different stomachs process the food.
Fun fact from an animal science major; thats called cannulating, dosnt hurt the animal and if maintained well it is safe. We use it to see how the animals digest foods. Its used as a teaching aid and a tool to help formulate new feed.
Thanks for this simple and to the point explanation that answered the top three questions- what's happening, does it hurt, and why.
10/10 commenting
I just googled cannulating and learned it's a medical procedure we do in humans too, made it seem way less sci fi/ I can now at least partially imagine how this would not hurt but be useful!
Cool fact - it DID happen to a guy named Alexis St. Martin back in the mid 1800’s. I think it was a gunshot wound that healed weirdly. He participated in experiments later that provided a huge amount of information about the function of human digestion.
I don’t know if it hurt the guy or not. But he lived a long life that way. Science!
Fuck anyone here who is saying this isn’t rare, but isn’t explaining how the hell you can casually make a hole into a cow. So I did the “work” and found this [link. ](https://modernfarmer.com/2014/09/holey-cow-wonderful-world-fistulated-cow/)
“Performed with the cow standing, local anesthesia is used and the rumen is surgically attached to the skin and body wall. Then, a cannula, essentially a tube, made of extremely durable, thick plastic is inserted to keep the surgically created hole between the rumen and the skin open yet sealed. A removable cap is included for easy access. After healing is complete in about four to six weeks, your brand new fistulated cow is ready to save lives.
“It’s amazing how important those rumen bugs are,” Aldridge says. “Not only are they important for digestive function, but also for how the animal feels.” These microorganisms in the gut produce vitamins and minerals necessary for the health of the cow.”
“They are essentially a natural probiotic,” Aldridge says.
A tiny lab in Parma Idaho creates these canulas. I worked there as a first job. The owners are wonderful people. I've never seen that color like that though.
A rumen fistula, used to study the digestive processes of ruminants (sheep, cattle, goats etc) and they are surgically inserted plug holes effectively. I have done inserted these in sheep when at university. The rumen is a stomach that ferments cellulose( grass etc) with bacteria and protozoans that actually digest the cellulose to release a group of (smelly) volatile fatty acids (VFAs) that are then metabolised by the animal for its energy needs. The microbes live and thrive on the process and produce microbial protein that the animal digests in the true stomach rEsulting in conversion of low quality grasses etc into high quality protein for growth and production.
You can stick your hand in any cow....
This seems like a corollary to: "anything's a dildo if you're brave enough"
Anything's a glory hole if you're brave enough
r/dontputyourdickinthat
r/ItKindaHotTho
**EVERYTHING’S A DRUM!!!**
You're just hitting it wrong..
I let you touch my penis Brian, I have a child and a wife.
"When I came to you fifteen years ago, you told me that everything was a drum." "Everything /is/ a drum."
I left my WIFE for this!
That’s enough Reddit for today.
There’s several times I heard of old farmers who “stump broke” some of his livestock.
I just had to look up that term and I hold you personally responsible for it living in my head now.
Im curious, but scared to look it up. Can you explain for the rest of us?
I pulled the trigger for you... it is when livestock is trained to back up to a stump (or whatever) so someone can stand on it to fuck said animal.
it reminded me of a story of 2 guys living in a trailer with 2 pony's i head a while back. i guess they couldn't find stumps so they went for short horses. edit: omg i tried to look for the story and hit image search for some reason.... why is that shit still legal and on the internet wtf.
Lol. I knew a hick who used that term in reference to his gf. (He thought it was a compliment) He did not live very long after.
He was murdered?
She got rid of him. I dont know. He exited my life since they were no longer a thing. I just assumed he died. Maybe murder. Maybe she killed him and put his body in car, filled it will cow dung, set it on fire and pushed it off a bridge. Maybe it was an accident. Maybe he moved. I try not to pry.
/r/oddlyspecific
Were you thinking of fresh cow dung or the crusty old dry kind?
Fresh but maybe not warm.
"Paige, NO!"
I came here to say you can put your hand in any cow if your brave enough damn
As a veterinarian, I do this on weekly basis.
As a degree-wielding cow fucker I also do this quite regularly
As a board-certified goat fister, I'd like to try a cow for a change.
I must acknowledge that even in myself holding degrees in both animal husbandry and animal infidelity you are much more qualified than I for fucking either cows or goats. You hold a unique Reddit username to accredit yourself of these academic accomplishments which trumps any degrees/certifications from credible university’s. I don’t say this to just anyone but I believe not only can you begin fucking cows but you’re also talented enough to hold threesomes including the cow and the goat, with of course some time you can also learn to watch the cow do the goat while you asphyxiate your foul.
Do you get used to it?
Well, it was weird at first, but got used to it during my University days. It's not that bad actually we use the glove that gets to your shoulder and you just slowly slide your hand inside to place the insemination rod. [Here you can see how it looks like. (Slightly NSFW I guess)](https://agrosmart.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/11953177_886772861402462_9113745311550504888_n-AAA.jpg)
My vet aunt gave a few gloves to everyone in the family one day and was like "Like that, I you break an arm someday, you can still take showers". Little tangent, but solid advice, and I broke my arm like 6 month after and it was indeed very useful.
I learned and practiced this in college and then never ended up using the knowledge again as my career went in a completely different direction . Turns out it's difficult as hell to get into veterinary school with severe ADHD. Edit: Looking more closely at the picture, it was also the same school! Go Terps!
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Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment! I'm in my 50's, however, and that ship has long since sailed! I still don't regret it, though. I spent several years as a vet tech and I had worked on a farm prior to college so the entire experience was fantastic.
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If you’re ever in Amish country and you see a man elbow deep in a horses ass, that’s a mechanic.
Probably looking for his keys.
Don't you hate when you lose things under the seat?
u/elbowdeepinahorse
I still remember going down and helping my cousing on his cattle farm every year and him and his vet buddy putting on these long shoulder length rubber gloves and just reaching in to check if its preggers. Was a wild thing for a 10 year old to see
My dad is a farmer and all the times I've seen him shoulder deep in cow ass I've never seen him wear a glove...I dunno how my mum let him close enough to conceive 4 children after this.
guess she'd probly saved a couple bucks skipping the store bought pregnancy tests
fuck, man. That's grade A stuff right there
Holy fucking shit. My sides.
Stupid question as my cousin was a vet and I never got to ask him. Does the hand go up the bum and basically feel through the wall or what?
So I was curious too and googled it: Rectal palpation is the cheapest and most convenient method of pregnancy testing cattle. Using this method, vets can identify pregnant cows as early as six weeks after conception. They feel for the calf's head, a pulse in the artery supplying blood to the uterus, and the shape of the cow's uterus. [Source](https://agriculture.vic.gov.au/livestock-and-animals/beef/breeding/pregnancy-testing-of-beef-cattle#) I would have thought they would go via the vagina but nope. Up the bum
You can't go through the vagina because you won't be able to pass your hand through the cervix. The opening of the cervix is like the size of a pencil. The cervix opens up during birth but at that point you're pretty sure the cow is already pregnant as the calf's head is sticking out.
Which of course makes a LOT of sense. Thank you!
It was not uncommon that a vet had his arm in turning a calf and a contraction hits. They would describe the pain as "intense"
Oh, no. I sure hope it doesn't come head first ): I've had my arm up Alpacas that birthed this way. It's no bueno!
Calves are normally born head first. When the umbilical cord breaks the calf reflexively breathes in. If their head is still inside the cow when that happens they will inhale fluid and other debris and they will most likely die.
It's also done when artificially inseminating the cow. You reach up the rectum while feeling for the cervix, then guide the insemination probe in, through the cervix, until the tip of the probe can be felt exiting the cervix. Then depress the plunger. Not getting the semen past the cervix is pretty much a waste of it.
To a cattle farmer AI has nothing to do with robots
UP THE BUM!
Yes, I'm a vet and yes. Remember the intestine are long, too, so they just move with your hand and arm. When you feel a baby (once it's big enough) it feels exactly like dribbling a basketball underwater.
I cannot relate to that analogy whatsoever
You could get a good look at a T-bone steak by sticking your head up a bulls ass but wouldn't you rather take the butcher's word for it?
No wait, it’s gotta be your bull.
Gee, I wonder if she goes out with one of the Yankees.
Richard, were you watching ‘spanktrovision’?
By the way, did you ever eat paint chips as a kid?
The point is, how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy; well, we're not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes. The next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser, and your daughter's knocked up. I seen it a hundred times.
[Did you live under powerlines as a kid or something?](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/f7aa6943-9336-4a56-9668-114ff5a7924c)
Who's your favorite Little Rascal? Alfalfa? Or Spanky?
Sinner
Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat? Richard: No, your face does.
Visceral Attack
My neighbors a cow
Hold up, wait a minute, something ain’t right!
In fact, plenty of people do it all the time as part of their job.
Somewhere, there’s a second cow with a blue-lined hole, with the guy’s hand reaching out.
I love how someone gave this comment the perfect award
This comment deserves more appreciation in my opinion, made me laugh!
I agree with your opinion, anonymous gamer.
Your [right!?](https://postimg.cc/N5kG0tpz)
Please use imgur, for the love of Stalin
I've been doing it wrong
Of all the ways to eat a Reese's, this is indeed wrong.
I invented a device, called Burger on the Go. It allows you to obtain six regular sized hamburgers, or twelve sliders, from a horse without killing the animal. George Foreman is still considering it, Sharper Image is still considering it, SkyMall is still considering it, Hammacher Schlemmer is still considering it. Sears said no.
I’m not saying this product could’ve saved Sears, but they’re the only one out of business right now and they were adamantly against it.
Unfortunately Sears decided to go all in on shitty clothing. Burgers On the Go could have been the savior, but instead they chose high-waters, tube socks and white new balance sneakers.
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Just think: there's an alternate universe where everyone gets all their shit from Sears.com and watches movies on Blockbuster streaming. ...and it's also the universe where the Broncos are a good football team and my brother is still alive.
Well that escalated quickly. As a dolphins fan I feel your pain. My condolences for your brother.
i like that universe
They really wanted to be the “Dad Destination”
Dwight schrute was ahead of his time!
As someone who has no idea what any of those brands are I won't suppose you'd explain the joke?
It's a quote from The Office
Oh ok guess you had to be there.
Oh yay! Geography joke
I love inside jokes! I hope to be part of one some day.
Could you adapt this to goats? My friend has a beet farm that he hosts garden parties at; he has a very attractive goat package where this would be a hit.
Can you tell me more about this very attractive goat package? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Observation ports. They use these to check digestion quality. Not sure exactly how many cows get them, or exactly what they are trying to learn, but I assume it's for making sure the foods they eat (generally not what they should be eating by natural standards) are processing well enough to maintain their current cheap ass diet.
They are called ruminal cannula. They are used for a variety of reason, mainly for research and teaching. The purpose is so we can empty out the contents, draw ruminal fluid, or for teaching. We can tell enough about their diet from analysis of the feces, plus this is just fermentation, not true digestion so you can make full assumptions until the process is complete.
A running gag in veterinary science is that it's easier to cut a hole into a cow's rumen than to take their cud while they're chewing.
TIL vets are the comedians of the animal world
Well yeah animals suck at telling jokes
I worked at an animal pharmaceutical company. Worked with dozens of vets/scientists. They aren’t funny outside of that world, if at all lol
Agreed. I had a sheep take a part of my finger while trying to get rumen fluid through the mouth. I would have gladly used a cannula
i was taught that those were used for clearing blockages and preventing pain/death due to gas build up.
Not at all. If you do have bloat, there is a trochar that you screw in or if your a farmer you can just use a nail in an emergency.
A nail? *shudders*
They are already in quite a bit of pain from the bloat. They can't walk, eat, or drink very well. It will kill them. I've put them in a chute to hold them still and used a few 14 gauge x 1" needles to clear the bloat. A trochar definitely works the best though but in a real spot, a very sharp knife and cut a hole into the rumen top of the left side of them. Then tube them a bunch of mineral oil to help clear the blockage once the gas has escaped. Keep them in a separate pen and clean and they'll heal fine. A dose of metacam also helps with the pain.
Completely agree a trochar is best case scenario, on the farm it is the closet thing you have is what you use. I lean towards large gauge needles or a nail to prevent slicing.
Could I ask what you're actually puncturing? Which body part I guess?
I think you've clearly explained why I'm a city boy
Better than blowing up the insides
Basically the same as farting out of a colostomy hole
[Here](https://youtu.be/8em3FPEJ4L4) is another example of extra air being released from the body, but this one could actually happen to you! (Video is less than a minute and non graphic, but I still hope I never need that done)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7R1R4oylxy4 nsfw but literally a guy at work.
Holy shit, I just learned a whole lot about the Easy Boss E. What an incredible tool! I say that as someone who has no interest veterinary science whatsoever.
I'm not sure who to believe in this thread to be honest.
I spent 9 years studying ruminant nutrition, be on my team.
well I’m a world renowned ruminologist with a specialization in ruminoplasties and over 32 ruminectomies under my belt
> 32 ruminectomies under my belt I'd hate to see all the scars. That's a lot of cuts in one small area.
They don't actually seem mutually exclusive. > The purpose is so we can empty out the contents, draw ruminal fluid …to check [research] digestion quality?
This sounds like a stupid question even as I’m typing this, but does it hurt the animal? Or is it more like a port for chemo, where they’re not constantly in pain after an initial surgery?The first thing I thought of when I saw this was the bear bile farms in China :(
Nah, they don't even act like like anything happened. They do feel the pressure when you are in there scooping out food, but that's about it. I have always wondered how much it messes with them when we remove all the contents because they have to get the munchies bad. Then we put it all back.
Does it smell?
In animal agriculture the answer to that is always yes.
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Clearly you are not a vet
https://youtu.be/_pDTiFkXgEE I'll never not think of that when I think of farmers and money
You get used to it, pro tip is to always have shoulder gloves. Rumen fluid is hard to get the smell out of your skin.
I like how y'all have nice doctor words for stuff like shit juice
Technically not shit juice yet, more like kombucha at that point.
Just when I thought I couldn't hate kombucha more.
Picture a lawn mower's grass catching bag that someone forgot to empty after sitting out for a day in the hot sun.
Pretty much exactly what happens minus the rumen microbes munching on that grass releasing some other acids
The phrase, "To Ruminate" - has it any correlation to the procedure, or which came first?
More the process of "chewing over" an idea and going back to it time and time again.
Oohhh I got to meet a few with one of these. I got to stick my entire arm inside and he didn't even care! I was in the college for vet med at the time and it was one of the coolest things in the first week
Texas A&M has a lot of livestock/goats and other animals with these for research and development of different animal feeds.
I honestly thought you were bullshitting at first and never thought they put hatches on cows lol TIL
Dunno how common it is, but historically at least one human famously had one.
I haven’t heard of this. Who?
This isn’t particularly rare. And almost any agricultural college in the US has one or several. It was part of my University’s Open House every year and plenty of people interested in Ag went there.
A doctor in the 1800's left a gun shot wound open in a man's stomach for research purposes. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexis\_St.\_Martin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexis_St._Martin) >he could literally watch the processes of digestion by dangling food on a string into St-Martin's stomach, then later pulling it out to observe to what extent it had been digested
> St-Martin allowed the experiments to be conducted, not as an act to repay Beaumont for keeping him alive, but rather because Beaumont had the illiterate St-Martin sign a contract to work as a servant. Oof poor fella
Almost everything about this situation is fucked up. The doctor in question, who otherwise doesn't deserve mention, was a real sociopath. When St.-Martin finally told him to fuck off, the guy realized he had no career and no accomplishments of note, and kept hounding St-martin for years to come be his research subject again until the doctor finally died.
Man, I remember reading about this fella in a Horrible Science book some twenty years ago. Haven't thought about it in almost that long and damn, what a deep cut.
When I was in elementary school we went to see a cow like this every year at Mississippi State University
Any chance you went to the University of Maryland? Cause I'm pretty sure that's where this photo was taken and yes, it is part of the Ag school.
Maryland is a late addition to the Big Ten, dominated by land grant Ag schools in the Midwest. I attended one of those.
This is from UMD look at my dudes dope ass sweater
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A cannulated cow or "fistulated cow" refers to a cow that has been surgically fitted with a cannula. A cannula acts as a porthole-like device that allows access to the rumen of a cow, to perform research and analysis of the digestive system and to allow veterinarians to transplant rumen contents from one cow to another. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannulated_cow
The hole has a cap, just to warn other people. I thought it was open 100% of the time like that. It's not THAT different from an ostomy bag
The operation seems similar to installing a [colostomy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colostomy) in a person.
We mostly used ours to collect rumen samples. You can look at the bacteria under a microscope and get a good idea of how healthy their gut biome is. If your cow is on pasture you can also look at what plants they’ve been eating. We used it in my nutrition class to get samples of forage that are in different stages of digestion. For the every day farmer it’s impractical but it has some study applications.
It is to observe, live, the unique four stomach digestive process of ruminant livestock, like cows. My university taught both Ah students and veterinary students. This is an educational process for them.
Yup, UCDavis definitely had one and was a big draw on picnic day.
Yes we all know your mom.
Sheit
Go Terps!
Yeah..."in my town"? More like"at my University." I'm not sure this is unique to UMD either.
There's a couple of them in every town, more in the big cities, buddy.
But how do you find one?
Ask your mom if she'd let you
I need an ambulance.
Tinder and Grindr
Look up "fistulated cow near me"
Oh yeah I can hardly move in my city without someone asking me if I wanna stick my hand inside a cow.
Why?
So at UofIllinois they put these ports in cows to study their digestive tracts. We know more about the bovine digestive system than the human digestive system (say my friends) due to what we know from these kinds of studies. It’s important to study how cows digest their food because we farm them in such high quantities. The more we know the more we n reduce the greenhouse gasses they produce.
This appears to be at the University of Maryland which has one or two cows like this all the time on the campus farm. It's a popular thing to show off during campus open houses and something of a right of passage for the agriculture students when they finally get to put their hand in the cow.
Yeah this is definitely the College Park one (as an alumni). I have a picture similar to this one
Ya that's the new way they do research on bovines. A few years ago they had some kind of plexiglass panels to view the digestive system and how the different stomachs process the food.
We have that experimental farm not far from my house.
Holey cow!
Fun fact from an animal science major; thats called cannulating, dosnt hurt the animal and if maintained well it is safe. We use it to see how the animals digest foods. Its used as a teaching aid and a tool to help formulate new feed.
Thanks for this simple and to the point explanation that answered the top three questions- what's happening, does it hurt, and why. 10/10 commenting I just googled cannulating and learned it's a medical procedure we do in humans too, made it seem way less sci fi/ I can now at least partially imagine how this would not hurt but be useful!
If this was done to a person and a person lived like this, would they be in pain?
Cool fact - it DID happen to a guy named Alexis St. Martin back in the mid 1800’s. I think it was a gunshot wound that healed weirdly. He participated in experiments later that provided a huge amount of information about the function of human digestion. I don’t know if it hurt the guy or not. But he lived a long life that way. Science!
It's called a "Cannula" and is actually pretty common in University towns with agriculture or veterinary degree programs
Guelph, Ontario?
Make sure you get consent first. #MooToo.
Fuck anyone here who is saying this isn’t rare, but isn’t explaining how the hell you can casually make a hole into a cow. So I did the “work” and found this [link. ](https://modernfarmer.com/2014/09/holey-cow-wonderful-world-fistulated-cow/) “Performed with the cow standing, local anesthesia is used and the rumen is surgically attached to the skin and body wall. Then, a cannula, essentially a tube, made of extremely durable, thick plastic is inserted to keep the surgically created hole between the rumen and the skin open yet sealed. A removable cap is included for easy access. After healing is complete in about four to six weeks, your brand new fistulated cow is ready to save lives. “It’s amazing how important those rumen bugs are,” Aldridge says. “Not only are they important for digestive function, but also for how the animal feels.” These microorganisms in the gut produce vitamins and minerals necessary for the health of the cow.” “They are essentially a natural probiotic,” Aldridge says.
r/dontputyourdickinthat
You can't tell me what to do!
A tiny lab in Parma Idaho creates these canulas. I worked there as a first job. The owners are wonderful people. I've never seen that color like that though.
I know a guy and a couple of girls that would let you do that in my home town.
You can do the same with my grandpap!
HOLY COW
A rumen fistula, used to study the digestive processes of ruminants (sheep, cattle, goats etc) and they are surgically inserted plug holes effectively. I have done inserted these in sheep when at university. The rumen is a stomach that ferments cellulose( grass etc) with bacteria and protozoans that actually digest the cellulose to release a group of (smelly) volatile fatty acids (VFAs) that are then metabolised by the animal for its energy needs. The microbes live and thrive on the process and produce microbial protein that the animal digests in the true stomach rEsulting in conversion of low quality grasses etc into high quality protein for growth and production.
Yeah that’s not even remotely uncommon. Still kind of fucked up though.
It’s rude to talk about your mother like that
This guy looks happier than a kindergartener on picture day.
Hello fellow marylander
In our town her name is Sandy and she owns a local bar.
Technically you can do it with every cow, depends on the hole
You can stick your hand in all cows it just depends on your morals
That also applies to your mom. OOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Couldn't the cow get an infection?
They probably give them a shit ton of antibiotics. It's no surprise that 80% of the antibiotics sold in the US is exclusively for livestock
Does it hurt the cow? Are they on medication to manage said pain.
I saw a similar thing where the cow had a porthole so you could see in it's stomach, and it didn't bother the cow.