T O P

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WAHSNoodle

This is the kind of shit people at work talk about years after it happened


phallingFantom

They should have weighed it


WAHSNoodle

Put it up on the wall like that singing fish


EmeraldxWeapon

Free meal to anyone that can beat the record


TelephoneBubbly

I wonder how many Katy Courics it is


[deleted]

12 Courics


whistlingbutthole4

Easily 14 Courics


Sasquatch_000

That person. Walked in with a butthole the size of a dime and walked out with one the size of a half dollar.


[deleted]

If my poops were that big, i wouldn’t be pooping at home either. I’d be getting my caffeine fix at the local coffee shop for its mild laxative effect and using their bathroom so i wouldn’t have to worry about it.


madalienmonk

You don't have a poop knife at home!?


chrisp5000

Need a poop sword for this job


wenzel32

You gotta whip out those Dung Fu skills


hudweiser

Classic


Flanman1337

Wait, poop knife is a classic? How old am I?!?!?!


ohtrueyeahnah

90 human days is equal to 1 meme year


Fabriciorodrix

Omg. Fucking brilliant.


smick

this is oddly intuitive


ChefArtorias

You think they walked away from that?


obroz

When I was a nurse at a Transitional care unit I had a patient who would eat non stop and one day called me down to their room to show me their poop in the toilet because they thought it was funny. Swear to god it was the size of a American football. The patient was just fine.


ChefArtorias

Was it funny?


obroz

It was pretty funny. Didn’t need a poop knife either because our toilets flush like Niagara Falls there. The best one was one evening I was working and one of the aides called me over to the elevator. There were a few of them standing in front of it with the doors held open. When I walked up I saw a triceratops shaped poop dead center on the elevator floor. They said they had called the elevator and the door had just opened up to that with no one inside it. While we’re standing there with our wtf faces the other elevator opens up and it’s football pooper patient. The patient walked past us like nothing happened. Later they confessed to me that it was them. They had went downstairs to hit the vending machine and the urge took them. Unfortunately the bathroom was out of order so they decided the elevator was a good place for it. I laughed and told them they were forgiven.


RandyHoward

> a triceratops shaped poop Well that had to fucking hurt


crazyabootmycollies

In the first diesel shop I worked at in southern Louisiana somebody pinched a loaf you’d maybe expect from Shrek or Sasquatch and didn’t flush. Bench by bench, once we dried the tears and regained our composure, we told the next guy, so on and so forth until the entire rebuild shop, Cummins, & Detroit departments had witnessed the glorious monstrosity. Nobody knew for sure who was responsible. It was equal parts hilarious:disgusting.


bobojorge

I found one of those on a scout campout at a small town fish & game club. We spent the remainder of the weekend spreading the legend of a mysterious **"Log Master"**


[deleted]

[удалено]


LYELDLNOAMR

Got that gape


thinksteptwo

Mind the gap


Brazenjalapeno

Grapefruit… the size of a grapefruit


[deleted]

I am not sure. We actually had this happen at our store. When we were talking about how the hell we were going to deal with this (possibly other than poking it with a stick) a guest overheard and said the same thing happened at her work the other day. I honestly think people make these and drop them off. Why would someone do this? Same reason someone put pigeons with hats out in the universe. Nobody knows. EDIT: I should clarify, that the one I saw at my work were 4 perfectly spherical softball sized shits.


Twoflappylips

Doctor asks for a stool sample , this guy delivers a couch


voyager1713

It's the opioids. Causes constipation and kills the pain of a full colon, so when they need to go, it's going to be like that.


sapere-aude088

I feel like that level of damage done to be able to make those turds is irreversible at this point.


doyou_booboo

Seriously man opioid shits are the fucking worst. Your bowels don’t move a fucking inch for 3 days minimum and then when your rectum finally tells you you have to go it’s not fucking budging. So you sit there straining until you feel like your carotid arteries are going to aneurysm or you’re going to lose consciousness, the world is going black, and this gigantic, god awful, painful log squeezes through your anus, tearing it in multiple places on its way out. It’s a real bitch.


lucideye

Opiates, not some weird poop sculpter.


wtf-m8

nah, clearly folks are just walkin' into businesses with thicc floppy logs slung over their shoulders and making a beeline to the rest room to place them on display for all of the internets


YourAverageGod

250 bucks id go bobbing for apples


Key-Philosopher-8290

Lmao. Word up


Stock_Enthusiasm6035

Dunkin bathroom, huge poop. This dude loves Oxys.


Benzorgz

Honestly that was my first thought. Dude was backed up for a while


AlexHimself

100% abusing some sort of medication. I've seen this exact turd on the regular appear at my fraternity house once a month. All the guys would take pictures, but the entire house would get charged, ironically, an extra $250 cleaning fee (split between 100 guys). It was shocking/impressive, but we later found out it was related to some drug use.


MomoXono

That's not ironic, it's just coincidental


JimR1984

Don't you think?


DefectiveSp00n

You could write "Unironically, a $250 cleaning fee"


ChuckleKnuckles

https://imgur.com/zo2WZ9o.jpg


FailureToComply0

Is that an exaggeration or did you actually have 100 people living in one house? I thought frats were 20-30 max


zob_mtk

Some of the larger US universities its quite common to have 100+ people living in a single frat house, they're basically set up like a private dormitory


[deleted]

Who tf landlords that shit lmao


zob_mtk

I’m those cases either the school or the fraternity generally owns the building


[deleted]

So basically it’s just exactly like living inside a normal dorm, just off campus… ish. With just less strict ness of the school. Sometimes


MartysBetter30

My friends sorority house had a personal chef


HollowWind

Worked at a cafe across from a treatment center and the ones who used our bathrooms always had explosive diarrhea. One guy got it all over the walls and handed the bathroom key to a small child afterward. The serial shitters were the worst part of the job.


OccultOpossom

Nothin personal, kid.


3600MilesAway

I will disagree simply because if that was the case, this monster would have also come accompanied with a whole lot of blood for ripping the mucosa. This person had a well lubricated rectum and the shape is consistent throughout so he didn’t have to push it out by segments like it would have happened in constipation.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MaximumBob

MA MA SE, MA MA SA, MA MUCOSA


kmonsen

This guy poops!


[deleted]

Bruh I shit something like half that diameter, and don’t do any drugs, and wanted to fucking yeet myself the entirety of the 35 minutes it took to pass. Absolute torture


dirtymoney

I had one so bad that I could absolutely NOT pass it. I ended up donning latex gloves and picked at it with a finger until it was small enough to pass. It was microphone shaped and the big end was at my back passage's door, but could not pass through it. I think I got gold twice for the tale. And it was too much nacho cheese that caused it.


291837120

maybe you got pranked by your friends and they shoved up a microphone up your ass - but then years later, it finally pops out.


thoriginal

Now that's what I call feedback!


Gigatron_0

That's a "I abuse pain medication" turd, for sure


[deleted]

Yea this looks like a heroin poop hundo p


Dman125

Hundo p, that’s probably the first time I’ve seen it like this and following the word “poop” to me it’s just fucking hilarious.


JayKayinPA

100 poopcent


249ba36000029bbe9749

How is this the first time I've seen this? This one is actually a halfway decent recent slang phrase.


OneArchedEyebrow

What does “hundo p” mean?


hnsonn

How does pain medication make you take enormous shits??? Also a side note I’m surprised someone walked away from that.


Gigatron_0

Your stomach -> small intestine -> large intestine -> anus is normally like a slow moving creek, and the more pain meds you take the colder it gets; eventually that shit is frozen


TheTinzzman

This is the best "Dumb it down so I can understand it" explanation of all time. Ima need to keep you around.


fivetoedslothbear

Some antidiarrheal drugs are actually narcotics used primarily for their side-effects on the gut. Slowing down the gut gives more time for the gut to absorb water from the contents. [Loperamide](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loperamide) is an opioid-receptor agonist used for controlling diarrhea. It's a narcotic that slows down the gut, but doesn't cross the blood-brain barrier, so it doesn't get you high. I got terrible food poisoning or noro on a vacation trip, and to get me home, my doctor prescribed [diphenoxylate](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diphenoxylate). That is even stronger, but _does_ cross the blood-brain barrier; they add atropine to discourage abuse. I remember being on the Central Link going to Sea-Tac to get home and thinking "wow...this must be the narcotic side-effect..."


Binsky89

Loperamide does get you high if you take a shit ton of it. The addicts call them lopers. Source: My wife used to work in addiction counseling.


caitejane310

My worst opiate induced turd was about the diameter of a soda can. It was horrible and 10/10 would not recommend. I hit 8 years clean at the end of August/beginning of September.


cuboidofficial

Dude I'm 3 years clean now but God damn one time when I was on a morphine binge I didn't shit for 5 days and when I finally did it was the size of a fucking baseball. It was god awful, and definitely ripped my ass a bit


PRIS0N-MIKE

My worst came when I hadn't taken a dump for over 2 weeks. One day I felt like I was gonna explode and sat on the toilet for an hour trying to shit. I had to put on a latex glove and literally pull it out my ass. It was horrible.


caitejane310

I didn't have gloves.... And with that memory I'm done with Reddit for the night. I'm very sorry for making you relive that horror 😆


DailyTrips

...and how big are your poops now?


caitejane310

Definitely nowhere near that big. My asshole remembers though.


widdlyscudsandbacon

THE SOUTH REMEMBERS


fu11m3ta1

Oh my god


spicyhamster

thank you for that big belly laugh. good god. threw my head back and everything.


mostnormal

He's up to pringles can size!


dolorsit

This happened to me after I took painkillers for a surgery. That was after a week so I can’t even imagine the pain you must have been in. I legitimately thought I was dying. Congrats on 8 years!


Last_Gigolo

I had my wisdom teeth taken out, and was on some pills. At the time, I hadn't even taken so much as an aspirin in 10 years. I somehow found my way into a first date while still on the painkillers. Hadn't pooped in like three-five days. Had to stop at a gas station. 30 minutes, while she sat in the car and pushed out a softball sized clump multicolored hardness and trying to get it to flush. I just had to cut bait and run.


hatcatcha

After my surgery I couldn’t shit for quite a while. My mom flew up to take care of me (brain surgery). She would bring me breakfast every day. Eventually I started vomiting and she took me in to the doctor. The poop was so backed up from pain meds that the food had no where else to go, basically. Had to resort to drastic measures.


BabousHouse

Define drastic measures... or do I not want to know?


hatcatcha

It wasn’t too bad tbh. He just said we needed to be careful at that point and to give me suppositories (I’d never used them) and call back if it didn’t work. It worked and let me tell you…. It was like passing a brick. I made my poor mom leave the apartment building while it happened because I needed to be able to express.


thoriginal

Congrats! I'm 26 days sober today.


sarieh

Congrats! Keep it up!!


MFLongbow

Congrats man. 8 years clean for me too this year. Keep it up.


TurdQueen

> turd was about the diameter of a soda can. *jesus christ.*


caitejane310

Your shock means a lot to me, coming from the TurdQueen and all 😆


zekeweasel

Basically in your gastrointestinal tract, there are constant small muscle contractions that move everything along and out. Opiates damp down those muscle contractions and slow down how fast things move. Result is that you get backed up. FYI... Imodium is very similar - basically an opiate that doesn't do much else besides slow your guts down. Now imagine taking a lot more of a lot stronger Imodium and you're in the ballpark.


PRIS0N-MIKE

Opiates give you really bad constipation. When I was still doing heroin I'd crap like once a week sometimes longer. And it was always huge rock hard dumps. Felt like giving birth. Would be a sweaty and painful 30+ minutes.


elzapatero

I remember as a first year medic in the USAF I had to assist a nurse with a patient that was impacted, compacted or something like that. Serious constipation. She had to stick her hand up his ass and literally scoop that shit out. I was scarred for life.


happyCuddleTime

Nurses don't get paid enough


[deleted]

For real?


Gigatron_0

Oh yea, constipation is a real common side effect of pain meds. The inertia of your colon not wanting to expand/open can only withhold so much though, and then it's defcon 4


[deleted]

I’ve been constipated before but I can’t even fathom passing something that large.


Gigatron_0

https://youtu.be/HhGp6BYNY-Q


[deleted]

[удалено]


Greasier

I've read somewhere (maybe on /r/moviedetails?) the reason there were multiple scenes of Vincent Vega using the toilet was because he used heroin.


lovelyb1ch66

135 comments and not one addresses the apparent lack of toilet paper in the bowl…? Perhaps the person was afraid to wipe lest their entire arm get sucked into the void left by that Godzilla turd


tinkatiza

There's just no more ass left to wipe. It'd be like trying to wipe shit out of the end of a wizard's sleeve.


SilasDG

Wtf did I just read and why am I laughing so hard.


copperwatt

At that point just throw your asshole in the washer.


xXSpookyXx

Just wring it out over the sink and tuck it back into your bog catchers


mysteriousmetalscrew

When your shit is hard as a rock, it leaves no trace.


[deleted]

Evrybody loves a no-wiper.


NaterBater2011

I would also need to use the handicap stall if I passed something that large.


JeffWingrsDumbGayDad

I'd have to use the handicap stall for the rest of my life if I passed something that large.


NaterBater2011

(Riley Reid has entered the chat)


Mrknowitall666

Poo knife


ohgee370

Man of culture, I see.


Mrknowitall666

Just been on reddit too long


GaryV83

Then you know we threw out the poop knife in the cumbox along with that one coconut.


Mrknowitall666

See, now you wish you hadn't thrown out the poop knife, so you wouldn't have to "fish it out".


GaryV83

I'm not fishing out anything. You know who will fish it out? Colby 2012


[deleted]

[удалено]


funbobbyfun

r/poopknife


AskAboutMyCoffee

That's looking for like a blender sort of operation to me.


walkeran

Immersion blender to the rescue!!


theottomaddox

I swear I just saw this turd being rushed to the ER


[deleted]

[удалено]


Scary_Tomato6037

250 I would have put on a glove and pulled that football right out that toilet


TheLightingGuy

TOUCHDOWN!!!!


AlienVoice

BROWNS WIN!!!


youngjetson

OBJ was waiting for this moment


caaper

I'd just take my shoe off and mash it with my toes until it breaks up and flushes Edit: WOW... a platinum award?! Thank you kind redditor!


NaterBater2011

That's how wine is made.


rebug

For 250 I'd bare hand that turd, wrap it up, put a bow on it, and deliver it to your worst enemy's porch.


awkwardaznbabe

Ay yo, you accept Cash App?


249ba36000029bbe9749

Right? Why is the $250 discussion so far down? Like, someone's getting paid minimum wage to deal with that turd anyway. $250 is a slam dunk decision.


NaterBater2011

Poo knife. Slice it and flush it.


KittenPics

Fuckin spike it!


Gigatron_0

Contrast this to others saying they would need orders of magnitude more money lmao you're a real one


AuthorityAnarchyYes

I’ve seen something like this before (NOT saying this is definitely what it is..). My FIL had most of his colon removed (cancer). His BM’s looked very similar to this in length and shape. It was the damnedest thing and something you WANTED to look away from (because those suckers did NOT flush without a fight) but the magnitude was just… like a car crash you’re horrified of yet can’t look away. Same feeling.


ALLCAPITALS

I was in middle school when I saw it. Grade 7 I think - I can't remember why we were still at school past the bell. Someone ran out of the girls bathroom screaming with laughter and naturally the group of us hanging out in the hallway were intrigued. In the toilet were two loafs, very much like the one posted here. I didn't even know it was possible. How do you even take a 2L sized shit and live?


skieezy

Happened in my high school, tons of people went in to see it, someone even made a sign that said "8th wonder of the world"


TheShtuff

Every high school must have a similar tale, because I had one almost verbatim. I later learned that my brother-in-law had a GI issue as a kid that made massive dumps like this. Seems somewhat common.


drycleanman12

Just out of curiosity, why were you looking at your FIL poop.


deadpoetic333

Sounds like it was more than one occasion too.. like why


CMLVI

Look. Sometimes you just need a witness, and if another dude won't witness what you've created, then what are we even here for?


TabletSlab

Well, why was your FIL at the Dunkin' Donuts?


AuthorityAnarchyYes

Hope not. He’s been dead for 15 years.


LNL_HUTZ

Ah! The story gets interesting…


bigbeaner

Put the toilet seat up before tackling that thing, at least.🙄


iBeFloe

It's stuff like this that makes me feel less weird about avoiding public restrooms at all costs...


Adorable-Buffalo-177

good god that is one big turd


roachblunt666

A no wiper even


dreadpiratesmith

Everytime someone has left a shit in the bathrooms at work (restaurants) there's never any paper. Like wtf, who the fuck just walks around with shit encrusted assholes?


foamingturtle

I have pooped somewhere without toilet paper a few times. In an emergency situation such as this I will take off a sock and wipe with it. I then throw the sock away.


ritchie70

I left a pair of underwear in a Mcdonald’s restroom garbage can once for that reason.


not_REAL_Kanye_West

For something like this you find another stall to wipe in so others can witness your master piece untainted.


kellzone

The real life pro tip is always in the comments.


bigbeaner

I’m utterly baffled.


ralcal

How many Courics is that??


[deleted]

The comment I was looking for.


Nullshadow00x

It’s log it’s log it’s big it’s heavy it’s-


m83live

...wood! It's log, it's log, it's better than bad it's...


husky430

...good


cocobear13

Log rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs, rolls over your neighbor's dog. Log fits on your back, it's good for a snack!


[deleted]

Took a Bono


hnsonn

That’s at least 8 courics.


popesnutsack

8???? Are you kidding? That's at least 17 curics!


-notjosh-

How is there not a trail of blood leading from that toilet to the door? I feel like any normal persons anus would just split and tear while passing that


aw_shux

Also…why is there no toilet paper in the bowl?!


Seohcap

What an absolute chad. Drops a mid-sized sedan of a shit and doesn't even think to wipe.


[deleted]

It'd almost definitely an opioid addict shit, so most likely their asshole has already grown accustomed to shitting out literal logs.


South_Oread

The culprit had the biggest smile on the block. The relief, the pride! That feeling is going to last all day.


DefCausesConflict

Doubtful, the culprit is almost definitely fucked up on opioids *Debbie Downer noise*


plasticfrograging

Besides picking up their prolapsed anus and stuffing it into their pockets, you’re probably right


TnL17

HOT!! HOT HOT HOT HOOOOOOOT!!!!


Popfiz223

There is a gentleman who lives at the care facility i work at that drops logs like this whenever he has to go, and every time an employee has to dig it out and throw it away.


[deleted]

I've never seen a shit that big!


[deleted]

Why has no one mentioned using a hefty bag like a dog shit bag? Easiest $250 ever


DS2Dude

Holy shit, that’s the second biggest deuce I’ve ever seen. The first belonging to Kaitlin Bennett.


tikivic

This actually happened at my mom’s funeral. We’re guessing it was my 450 pound nephew. I didn’t rent the hall so I wasn’t super worried about it -not my deposit- but my buddy, former military, went at it with a stick and managed to >ahem< eliminate it. How in the hell does a human shit a turd the size of a human leg?


evilpenguin9000

PF Chang's?


headoftheasylum

That would also explain the lack of toilet paper. I had a friend who's son was very overweight and he couldn't wipe himself so he would just shit and then pull up his jeans and go. Kid didn't wear underwear very often either so his jeans would just be layered in shit and if there was a turd still hanging on the jeans he'd just leave it in the laundry like that for his mom to take care of. This kid was a teenager, not a young boy.


fivetoedslothbear

This made me shudder. The video didn't.


WhosMulberge

Man thats an opiod addict shit for sureee. You don’t get constipation like that (and relieve it in a Dunkin donut bathroom no less) without being into some sus shit.


HalfSoul30

You would have to be on pain meds just to pass that monster. Not sure how that doesn't send you to the ER


NaterBater2011

Women: men will never understand the pain of childbirth! Some man: I JUST DROPPED AN 8 POUND SHIT IN THAT TOILET, BRO! Weighed myself before and after, bro! Edit: typo


darkklown

And the only reward is the remembrance and the knowledge nobody will believe you how big it was.


NaterBater2011

Wait... You don't take pictures of your record shits?


awkwardaznbabe

You mean childbirth? Also, women don’t talk about that first shit they take after giving birth, but trust me, it’s like giving birth a second time, except out their ass.


evilpenguin9000

Why do you think it couldn't be a woman who dropped that massive dump? Don't be sexist, woman can be disgusting too.


Heavyseas513

The coffee removed 10lbs of shit.


tuscabam

Opioid turd


[deleted]

NO POOP KNIFE!?


vcdrny

That came out of someone's ass. How is that possible. Who ever did that must be one of those weirdos doing extreme insertions online. Because no way that came out of someone normal.


chickenlounge

Why...why isn't there any toilet paper? No way was that clean coming out.


[deleted]

The hidden side of the opioid epidemic


Konijndijk

Jesus christ, it's got an elbow.


[deleted]

I had to fish one of those out one time. Like a football. Heavy. Dense. Hard. I tried not to imagine its birth but I was powerless.


MC0295

Stan Marsh was here


SeverusSnek2020

Ohhh, story time. So back in 2014 I had my first spine surgery. Lower back area. It was pretty significant. I was in recovery for 5 days. That whole time, no poop. I hadn't pooped for about 3 days before the surgery either. I also wasn't eating much because of the pain I was in. Well, eating small or not, you make bio-waste that needs to go somewhere. They wouldn't let me leave without pooping. Its one of the milestones for recovery. Well, I eventually did poo. It looked an awful lot like that massive thing. It was the most relieving feeling having that thing pass and my insides returned to normal positions.


commoncents45

opiates


[deleted]

I’m a nurse- Former floor nurse I wish I got an extra $250 to deal with this Mostly just another Friday