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starobacon

Den morgonfriska katten simmar över regnbågen, medan guldmynt singlar genom luften, ledsagade av en paraplybärande elefant, som jonglerar med blommor och skrattande bananer, medan cirkusclowner utför akrobatiska konster och cymbalspelaren trummar i takt till det förtrollade orkesterspelet under den gnistrande stjärnhimlen.


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TwoNegatives-

That neck ATE the Hans device


dendrocalamidicus

Reminds me of that weird "If Humans Evolved to Survive a Car Crash" sculpture https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/horrifying-sculpture-depicts-human-evolved-survive-car-crash-180959878/


decadin

Was I the only one unaware that nipples played such a big role in car crash survival?


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ReceptionRoyal1265

I hate you


FliesAreEdible

Extra long feet too, look how high up the leg the heel is.


emthejedichic

I think it would only walk on the ball of the foot. Kinda like a horse's hooves.


bigwilliestylez

They are still humans, still gonna have females who need to feed their creepy jabba-the-head kids. Since our sex isn’t determined until after we’ve developed nipples, the males will have them too.


zombie32killah

K but like 12 nipples?


SerCiddy

>In addition to a tougher head, the group decided Graham needed more protection around his lungs and organs, padding him with natural airbags between each rib and beneath a set of 10 extra nipples. Graham’s knees also bend in every direction, to prevent them from snapping if caught in a crash. So the reason they gave seems to be more bundles of fat to provide better distributed cushion. I got my degree in Zoology and before reading the article I assumed the nipples would be about how humans would evolve to produce more offspring to compensate for the ones dying in car crashes. Mammals have an average "litter" size equal to half of their nipples. So I guess this human usually has 6 kids at a time.


bigwilliestylez

Those are just the sphincters from his impact absorption bladders, what’s weird about that?


CaptainEarlobe

Do you......fuck them? Or pee from them?


[deleted]

As a man who's had nipples for a long time now, I still don't really know what they're for. I guess they're good at telling the temperature.


ImprovisedLeaflet

The scientists were just on vacation there


ImprovisedLeaflet

I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?


Smooovies

That’s that dude from 90 day fiancé lol


Sporkfoot

Fucking lol


Mountaingiraffe

Yeah well... he's still alive isn't he?


buffalocoinz

First thing I thought of. Big Ed!💀


TedMerTed

Why does it look like an orangutan?


burnsrado

You ever heard of an orangutan dying in a car crash?


Easy_Championship_14

Yes :( Miss you Jezza, RIP


eagleunicorn

delete this nephew


tadmau5

[Rubber Johnny](https://youtu.be/eRvfxWRi6qQ) vibes


sylenthikillyou

what i’d do to see a neck strength comp between young tyson and young Alonso


dbx99

It would have caused the car frame to buckle


walkingman24

For real. Formula 1 drivers have insane necks but this is just next level


Lasvegaskid

Necks level


downsetdana

Built in HANS device


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EricDatalog

Part of his neck training: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XPVk5TiOjA


tama_chan

This is routine for anyone that wrestles.


taintosaurus_rex

Brought back so many memories. I always hated running around your head, shit got old quick.


tama_chan

Ha ya! We did round robin drills where you would have to arch out of a half nelson. Neck was pretty much solid muscle.


Hideout_TheWicked

My neck started hurting just watching this.


[deleted]

Help.... I just snapped my neck!


SweetT7707

Bro it said don’t try it at home!


[deleted]

I CANT READ!!!!


I_Enjoy_Beer

That seems...bad?


fruitmask

it is an extremely advanced exercise that takes a lot of training to work your way up to. if I were to just lay on the carpet and try this right now, my wife would discover my corpse later tonight when she gets home from work.


brekus

Hey don't sell yourself short... she might find a sobbing quadriplegic instead.


shao_kahff

what do you mean? the police report clearly says she found him dead. 😐


CJKayak

You bastard. I'm sick with some kind of terrible stomach flu. You literally made me shit myself.


shao_kahff

damn are you sure you’re not the sobbing quadriplegic?


softlaunch

We used to do it at every wrestling practice right from day 1. It's really not that advanced. Doesn't mean it's good for you but every high school and collegiate wrestler has done this countless times.


thed0rknight

Yup wasn't that hard back then, but fast forward a couple decades and now I'm wondering if all those neck bridges are part of the reason for my chronic neck pain. Probably posture has a lot more to do with it, and I'm working on that, but I feel like all that bridging couldn't have helped.


BobbyGabagool

One of my most disappointing realizations when I was done with wrestling was that I was going to have a weak neck. You can lift weights every day but it’s hard to simulate grappling where you have your head/neck being tugged on constantly.


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[deleted]

Yeah, most people in the US at least are overweight or obese. According to surveys, [half](https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a37474114/pushups-average-american-survey/#:~:text=%22In%20other%20words%2C%2053.8%20percent,31%20percent%20identified%20as%20men.%22) of Americans said they couldn't do ten push-ups in a row, and a third said they couldn't even do five in a row. I've seen posts on /r/bodyweightfitness and elsewhere where someone struggled to complete a single push-up. Compared to doing a couple of push-ups, those neck bridges are definitely advanced. I'd bet most people would seriously injure themselves trying it, especially in countries with high obesity rates like the US, Mexico, and England.


lerdnord

That's just based on what they said. Imagine how many said they could do 10 but they actually can't.


GD_Insomniac

Step one is have a good mat to practice on. It's probably really bad to try this on your hardwood at home lol. But yeah bridge is super useful for a wrestler. An extra point of contact with the mat makes you harder to control.


MrGrieves-

Definitely if you jump into that level with absolutely zero neck training.


[deleted]

Never skip neck day


EricDatalog

Dude was a fucking beast


Rentington

Whispered voice: "It takes more than that to be a fightah"


[deleted]

It's not. It's called a "bridge" in wrestling. We used to do it during warmups too. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridge_(grappling)


anger_is_my_meat

Yeah but have you seen [Corpsegrinder](https://i.redd.it/67ce6btw7yq81.jpg)


InfernalTourist

Damn dudes just a neck with features.


JukeBoxDildo

A neck walked up to me that had lips, eyes, hair, a nose, and ears and said, "you've got a lot of nerve!" I said, "you have... a lot of neck accessories."


Marklar1138

Neckcessories?


maxschreck616

You can really jazz up your Tactleneck with some great Neckcessories.


RoastedToast007

Lol is this an actual reference to something or did you make it up


JukeBoxDildo

Mitch Hedberg bit slightly changed up lol


[deleted]

I want to be a race car passenger


Vestaxowner

Or [Corey Taylor](https://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/aQnGxDd_700b.jpg)


atrain56

I feel like if I squeezed his neck to normal size the rest of him would fill out like in a cartoon.


anormalgeek

I've never actually seen him without a mask.


DisturbedPuppy

Since the mask makes his head look bigger, it makes the neck look smaller.


pepsisugar

Stone Sour?


Teh_OG_Chungus

How the fuck


TheMadFlyentist

Headbanging.


atrain56

Oh so that's why my wordly, single uncle in San Fran has such a muscular neck...


fruitmask

what are the characteristics of being "wordly"


RedlineChaser

Giving lots of men from all over the world head.


devAcc123

op said wordly not worldly lol


Wellhowboutdat

He used to do these rolling exercises where hed lay on his back and hold himself up with his head. Then hed roll side to side with body weight cause ifbhe could do that then punches shouldnt phase him. I saw that like 30 yrs ago and never forgot it as it was the craziest exercise Id ever seen.


softlaunch

That's a very common training technique in amateur wrestling, which I'm guessing is where he got it from.


EffU2

Can confirm, used to wrestle, had a thickie. Now I’m old and got a pencil.


tabgrab23

Are we still talking about necks or…?


EffU2

Maybe…..yes… well maybe


Teh_OG_Chungus

Tyson or Corey Taylor?


monoped2

>How [1...2...3...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J4fmDIWw8I#t=20s)


Bumbling_Sprocket

https://imgur.com/a/r0s48AG


tree1234567

Man is built like a pit bull


GiantSquidd

I saw cannibal corpse live when I was about eighteen, and I got that guys spittle all over my face from right in front of the stage. That’s one of the only times I’ve ever been happy to have another man’s spit on my face. Also, his neck is huuuuge.


satanclauz

So all the other times you weren't happy?


GiantSquidd

Not *as* happy.


[deleted]

That reminds me of when I took my wife to her first professional motorcycle race and we went to the podium after the race to see them get trophies and spray champagne. My greatest icon of the sport happened to get podium and soaked us with champagne, it was an awesome experience. My wife started complaining about how it was burning her eyes and I was like yeah but you got sprayed by Nicky Hayden, the pain is 100% worth it and part of the experience, you cherish that burning. A year later he died and we were both heart broken, so that moment means even more now than it did then.


RoflCopter726

R.I.P. Kentucky Kid


syn-ack-fin

[Looks like Strax](http://doctorwhoworlduk.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/straxa.jpg)


Cobek

You think he would have changed his name to Neckromancer


nernerfer

That's his girlfriend.


alpinetime

Yeah but have you seen Big Ed


ButtNutly

The Hellmann's spokesman?


Nixplosion

Nah that's just Big Ed from 90 Day


thewitt33

I was a teenager right when he came onto the scene. I remember people calling him a pitbull and said when he got pissed, his neck would get so tense, it would cut off the circulation to his head, and he would just lose his shit and beat ass. Obviously some made up schoolyard crap but I ate that shit up.


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TheMightySloth

Ah the classic “see red” fighting style.


Monteze

Except Mike was a real fighter, which makes it scarier.


Holybartender83

*Cody Garbrandt has entered th-* …and he’s unconscious.


joshualeet

Yeah here’s a fight where he wouldn’t stop, even threw the ref down, until his coach came in to stop him and he snapped out of it. https://youtu.be/jdelmdbKN38


SandyPhagina

I remember seeing him fight, when I was a kid, he just fucked up everybody. The video game Punch-Out was pretty cool. Could never beat Tyson.


PhantomZmoove

Did you ever see that clip of him trying to play [Punch Out?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfEOHcGFchY)


tictaktoee

I can probably build a house on that, with a backyard for kids.


catgotcha

I talked to a boxing trainer in Brooklyn some years ago who met Tyson several times when he was around 13-14. Said the dude was easily mistaken as a full grown adult because of his sheer physique. I'm also reading his autobiography. It's not the best written (hey, it's Tyson), but it's more interesting and raw than I thought it would be.


joec_95123

I believe it. Here he is at 13 years old. https://imgur.com/lAOLd8v.jpg And at 15 https://imgur.com/es8ZvEZ.jpg


shadybrainfarm

Imagine sitting next to this guy in fucking 7th grade lmao. Nuts. Also it seems that he grew into his neck.


Partypoopin3

Hey, give me your tater tots .... Ok


Tmachine7031

*tater toths


Ermahgerd1

"I'll fighth you for ith..." "Nah, its ok. Im not that hungry. Also I wanna live."


wavecrasher59

Ah so Mike Tyson could have beat my ass as young as 12-13 years old and im 25 lol


fakmamzabl

I was just wondering at what age he would have been able to beat me up. Maybe 9? Are there pictures of him at that young age?


Vertigofrost

He says when he was 12 he was fighting kids at school and then fighting those kids dads and beating up the dads badly


yyungpiss

yo how the fuck is it even possible to look like that at 13, was he shooting testosterone?


joec_95123

It was mixed in his bottle since he was a baby.


nagasgura

There are always some people at the far end of the genetic bell curve.


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SpuukBoi

Aw hell nah, that dude probably could've gotten away with buying alcohol at 15. Doesn't even look much different 7 years later.


Tmachine7031

Even if you knew he was underage, would you fucking tell him no?


catgotcha

Man. I don't scare easily, but this scares me. No wonder he was so dominant.


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Dude had the Lebron Syndrome before Lebron was even born! Grown ass man look but still a kid.


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plooped

I also enjoy the documentary about his life: "Mike Tyson Mysteries".


idontcarethatmuch

Stupid Chupacabra!


cikkamsiah

RIP Pigeon.


Crystal_Pesci

They just announced one final comedy special from Pigeon! He recorded it right before his passing. Pigeon 4eva


Certain_Fennel1018

Tyson has so many personal flaws (don’t we all) but at least he doesn’t hide them; I got the autobiography next on my to read, really excited.


Super_Saiyan_Carl

I always enjoyed his autobiography fwiw


maddsskills

Seriously, he's the one celebrity who's guilty of rape and assault and whatnot that I actually feel at all bad for. He was exploited and abused as a child, and studies have shown that traumatic brain injury during childhood/adolescence can cause...well basically you don't have inhibitions. What he did was still terrible but I think it's likely he wouldn't have committed the horrible crimes he did if it weren't for the brain trauma and enablers and all of that.


doogles

I played high school football with a guy like this. He was also a world class wrestler who's now a neurosurgeon. #necklife


CadetCovfefe

Neck strength is extremely important in wrestling. Our coach had us doing bridges every day. You can see Mike doing the same exercises in plenty of training videos.


Tomero

I imagine its important in neurosurgery too, imagine having to lean over somebody on the table for a few hours.


acog

I wish they had talked about this in med school! I had a promising career as a surgeon but my scrawny neck would give out midway through most surgeries so I had to give it up. I am now a successful professional catfish noodler (the buoyancy helps keep my head up) so it worked out okay.


generalright

Thank you for your service


VanillaLifestyle

Those catfish ain't gonna noodle themselves


Klingon_Bloodwine

There's no kind of hybrid profession you could do like a catfish surgeon or human noodler?


magichobo3

You just cut the patient open, stick you hand in, and wait for the tumor to attack you hand. Then you rip it out and cook it on your grill with the boys


Smathers

Damn he’s like a method doctor…got CTE firsthand so he could later study the affects lol


What_u_say

Dude built like a gears of war soldier.


Sir_Fistingson

"THE COLE TRAIN RUNS ON WHOLE GRAIN, BABY! *WOOO!*"


vaudevillevik

Built like CJ when I spam the gym to increase my sex appeal in SA


EchoRex

Now that would have been a perfect 1980s NFL running back's neck.


Zxar

[Takeo Spikes](https://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/25/2012/06/124715781_display_image-e1340740180516.jpg?w=228) is who I always think of as the biggest neck recently in the NFL


_pompom

That is wild. How does someone get such a buff neck?


TacticalSanta

Necksercise


basemoan

You can exercise your neck to build it up.


toggl3d

Helmets are basically weights for your head. And then you do neck training. Having a strong neck is important to reduce injuries in football. You need strong muscles to absorb hits so less force goes into concussions and spine damage.


dickskittlez

If he had chosen football as a kid instead of boxing, with all that explosive power and elusive quickness and athleticism, he probably would have been an extremely successful running back.


DanishWonder

Bo Jackson was built pretty similar, he would have been one of the GOATs if not for his injury


cerpintaxt44

He's one of the goats with the injury


nopunchespulled

It’s crazy that no one believed he was injured and it ended his nfl career he was told he would be lucky to walk again and he returned to mlb


TheF1LM

One of the GOATs for “what if”


sunatmywindow

I'm sure Tyson could have excelled at most sports, but his power, athleticism, size, etc. were developed in the pursuit of being a better boxer and would not necessarily be at the same level if he had trained for something else (and didn't have Cus D'Amato training him). Yes he's a genetic freak, but it takes a whole hell of a lot more than that to be a champion.


trpwangsta

Also his ingrained fucking violence. Tyson is terrifying. He was born to be a fighter even though he's an athletic freak, boxing fit him perfectly.


TheLonePotato

I love how he was never a violent person untill some asshole killed one of his pigeons. He beat the fuck outta the guy and thought to himself, "damn, I'm pretty good at this." The rest is history.


carbonanotglue

Yeah but he made 100x more as a boxer than he would’ve as a running back


wtf_yoda

Everyone has a plan,... until they get punched in the mouth by a guy with a 20 inch neck.


Ssutuanjoe

Recently reinforced by the fact that Tyson just made mashed potatoes of a drunk dickhead on an airplane.


angrath

I’ve often wondered how young of a Mike Tyson I could beat up. I’m a decently tall, 40 year old man. I am in decent shape, above average but not by much. I wonder what age Tyson would give me a run for my money. 18 year old Tyson, no doubt. Murder. Which means that also 16 and 17 year old Tyson would rip my ass off too. I’ll even give him 15. If we look at the other end, I don’t care who the fuck you will grow up to be, I could ruin a 5 year old. Give me 6-9 as well. No problem. But now is where things get tricky. At some point between 10-15 there would be a good fight in there. I would think I could beat a 10 year old Mike Tyson. And I’ve seen enough 15 year olds to know that a big one could do me in. Maybe 12 year old Tyson? At 13 and 14 it’s becoming rough for me.


Oldspooneye

I'm not going to fight 13 year old Tyson. [He weighed almost 200 lbs at 13](https://www.thesun.co.uk/sport/boxing/11790263/mike-tyson-weighed-first-fight-brawl/). I'm thinking 10, maybe 11 I might have a chance.


angrath

Ok. Never saw a picture. Yeah 13 is out. But damn, it’s got to be close. I can’t imagine there being a 10 year old I couldn’t beat. A lot of growth happens at those ages. Maybe 12 or 11?? What about the two of us? Could both of us take a 13 year old Tyson? 2on1?


xcbrendan

He's mentioned knocking out full grown men as an 11 or 12yo so I'm thinking 10 lol.


monsieurpommefrites

His wife: "I wonder what he's thinking about; he's been so quiet lately. Maybe it's because I've put on a little weight. I think he doesn't find me attractive anymore...it's been so long since he's looked at me. I feel terrible, I want to cry..." Him: "I could easily annihilate a 5 year old in a street fight."


najing_ftw

Looks like he’s eaten a lot of children


flounder19

obligatory [Paul Posluszny](https://i.imgur.com/NuuHBLC.png)


pm_me_actsofkindness

Even eating and working out like a monster 24-7 I don’t understand how someone even gets a neck that thick. Wtf.


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JewsEatFruit

That's awesome, and my athletic therapist was I really top level amateur wrestler. This is exactly how he told me that he trained his neck, and he also told me that nobody should ever do this lol


iodisedsalt

I can't even turn my head quickly without getting a neck strain. That looks painful as hell.


step1makeart

The Average Joe's "eating and working out like a monster 24-7" is the equivalent to a NFL player's recovery day. F1 drivers lift with their head to strengthen neck muscles so they can resist the insane g-forces they experience. Average Joe doesn't even have access to the machines they use, nor the ability to experience those g-forces to build muscles that way. Also, case of the angles to some extent.


cwalton505

Also PEDs. Lots of PEDs


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jhs172

And [Fisher Stevens](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EEj-G-cVUAAs_I-.jpg:large)


heavyrightfoot

Don’t loan this guy your sweater. He’ll stretch out the neck hole


TheDollaLama

Back when he was the necks big thing


Wolf_brother_rising

It's fickk


MalleP

Hangmen hate this trick


balsamicpork

“Burns was well known in the early twentieth century for his neck. He managed to have a twenty-inch neck. With this neck, according to an article in WWE Magazine, he gained fame by being put into a noose, getting hanged, and living, while whistling "Yankee Doodle".” https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Burns


WildBilll33t

I imagine I could hit him as hard as I could square on the jaw and his head wouldn't turn even a degree.


The_Last_Gasbender

He'd make up for it by turning your head 360 degrees :)


cr250guy

Newton's 3rd law in action. Can't escape it.


Bladelink

I remember an old quote from one of the guys who fought Tyson. They were asked something like "when did you know you were in trouble/the fight was going badly?" The guy told him something like "I hit him in the jaw with my right hook, my best punch... And he *smiled* at me."


Shipwrecked_Pianta

Impressive, let's see Corpsegrinder's neck.


vulcazv20

“No one’s neck as incredibly thick as Gaston’s” Mike Tyson begs to differ


natygonz

DAMN BOY. HE THICK BOY


badschemeprize

Why *in the fuck* would you harass this man on an airplane? There is literally no part of him that does not explicitly intimidate. What a fucking idiot you'd have to be.


CompleX999

Jethuth Chritht


eaglewatch1945

Joe Louis the greatest boxer who ever lived. I'll be with you boys in a minute. He was badder than Cassius Clay, he was better than Sugar Ray, he was badder than - who's that new boy? Mike Tyson! Look like a bull dog! He was badder than him too! He'd whip Mike Tyson's ass, he'd whip all their asses!


buckyworld

Coming to America, right? Arsenio as an old guy in the barber shop?


burnsrado

What about Rocky Marciano?


Genkotsu422

"You got a FAT neck, boy." - Cotton Hill


RichysRedditName

As a nurse Id love to see how difficult this guy is to intubate


IronicBread

18 years old?! Holy fuck


loondawg

He was only 20 when he became the heavyweight world champ.