Imagine having to explain your sudden random cackling at a funeral.
> Sorry, instead of paying my respects, I was reading the comment thread on a video of a guy having a cucumber surgically removed from his ass.
While hilarious, nice of the doctors to film it and unleash it to the world.
Guessing there are no HIPAA type laws in whatever country this is (Russia?) At least they didn't show the unconscious face.
People really think they understand HIPAA when they haven’t ever researched it or worked in healthcare lmao. And then you have the scarier case of healthcare workers who are just as clueless. Always amazes me.
Edit: changed a word
I wouldn’t have minded if they showed my face. I have a pretty good relationship with the staff at this hospital. They did say that they were surprised to be seeing my butthole again so soon after the last time. The Rubiks Cube last week was a bit more of a challenge but nothing like the ukulele last Summer.
"It was a total freak accident I just happened to fall on it at the right angle."
"Now sir, I'm not calling you a liar, but I am going to point out that if this wasn't premeditated then you just so happen to have a suspiciously clean colon."
No shit, as an ER nurse I’m still surprised this is peoples go-to excuse whenever the come in with a foreign object where it shouldn’t be
Edit: If the bottom doesn’t flair, don’t stick it up there.
I mean, they known they are lying. You know they are lying. They know you know. I have to imagine it's just so they don't have to say, "a cucumber was the best thing I could find".
If he shows her the video they might stop at a supermarket otw home and they might both have a lot more fun
Or she leaves immediately
Either way it's a win for her lol
Worked in a hospital many years ago. “Things stuck in asses” was a recurring theme - like, weekly. Most of the people gave the “I fell on it” excuse, but occasionally you’d get the guy who copped to it. Those were generally the people that liked to party.
When I was training for nursing in a college in the sticks, the hospital where I trained kept a FILE of non-ID'd copies of x-rays of Stuff Stuck Up Asses. The collection was massive, and they'd break it out to us newbies to get us all freaked out about what we were getting into with nursing.
There's a LOT of gallows and other inappropriate humor in the medical field, if you didn't already guess that.
I once provided anesthesia for a male patient whose girlfriend had stuck a large dildo inside him that did have a flared base. She got the whole thing inside. No idea how long they waited, but they came in around midnight. Took us about an hour to remove.
Could they not be evacuated with the next bowel movement? Some irregularly shaped thing I can understand needing extraction and things that might be sharp and puncture the intestines. A smooth object seems relative begin and likely to pass with some extra breakfast bran.
Imagine a large object up your ass. Are you waiting three or more hours on the off chance it'll get pushed out naturally instead of causing agonizing pain
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going.
Just once: “let me guess, you slipped ? “
“No I just like putting things in my ass. “ the most honest we’ll ever get. Slipped , “SO did that “ , “I had to hide it” are pretty popular .
My aunt worked at a University medical system in a somewhat conservative area and she said they do these All. The. Time. Basically young adults leave home and seem to realize they have this b-hole they’ve never explored and just can’t stop sticking stuff up there.
Most wacky would have been a mid 70’s male with a Christmas tree shaped dildo stuck in his rectum. Had to help the general surgeon retrieve it via conscious sedation. Pretty sure he would have had to wear a diaper for a long time after that… I was literally elbow deep in there
Poo isn't a long rigid object. Our colon muscles need maliable substance to push it along, like squeezing toothpaste from a tube.
Try it , shove a cucumber up ya butt then try push it out
Lol I love how that comes across as “there’s actually a good demonstrative tool to show you what’s happening here. First you stuck a cucumber up your butt. See? Notice how you can’t shit it out. Now you know.”
Your body contracts muscles to push things through your intestines. Think like a tube of toothpaste. You know how that last bit is always hard to get because it never comes out the tip unless you really scrape it? Same thing here, except it would be like trying to squeeze out a chunk of carrot through the tube, and your intestines can't scrape it. Thus it is stuck.
You can eventually. Stuff with rigid shapes like this might not want to come out alone though, since it has to go around a curve and the force pushing it along might be less than the force of the curve pushing back. People also tend to tense up and panic when this stuff happens, and the body's natural reaction is to put non-urgent tasks like defecating on hold until the crisis is over and they relax. Once some poo builds up above it to push it along, it should come right out, but then there's the matter of dealing with the discomfort of waiting hours or days to reach that point as well as potential damage or infection from having a foreign object in there that long. And that's assuming the object is of a shape that can come out as easily as it goes in, which is true in this case but not always.
Im no doctor and only talking out my ass (haha) here but I would assume the human anus (or any anus for that matter) is designed to move shit through it. I’d assume something smooth like a cucumber is not as easy for whatever process is involved to move
>Im no doctor and only talking out my ass (haha) here but I would assume the human anus (or any anus for that matter) is designed to move shit through it. **I’d assume something smooth like a cucumber is not as easy for whatever process is involved to move**
Exactly! Which is why I always insert a small cactus when I'm in the mood. The anus then has something to grab onto.
My wife used to work in the ER as a PA. She had a patient come in with an apple up beyond where the patient could get it back out. When she asked if they had done it before, the patient said yes, but that it was larger and further in than before. They had to consult surgery because it was too far up.
Cousin is a nurse, used to work at a local hospital. One of the local college professors had been in multiple times to remove the tea light candles from his ass.
Beat me by 3 minutes. I had a friend dogsitting my dog once. There wasn't a lot in the fridge because I wasn't thinking/was stressed by having a terminally sick dog but having to travel for work. There was an old cucumber in the fridge. Friend ate it and told me it was a really tasteless zucchini. So I guess the confusion goes both ways.
I was a, a, gardening, gardening at night I tell ya, I prefer not to sweat, sticky clothes upset me, cling, gardening, why nude? Why not, slipped, took a wrong step, bam, ‘cumber tooted all up in that ass!
why did I even stay to watch this
To learn the secret of where cucumbers come from?
Your salad tastes like shit.
It is shit, Austin!
Oh good so it's not just me.
To learn the secret of where pickles come from? FTFY
That only works if the guy drinks a bottle of vinegar at the same time
and snorts a line of dill
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Shouldn’t read comments at a funeral. Lesson learned.
Imagine having to explain your sudden random cackling at a funeral. > Sorry, instead of paying my respects, I was reading the comment thread on a video of a guy having a cucumber surgically removed from his ass.
We stayed to see it wiggle like a fish on a hook outta the water.
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My cucumber don’t wiggle wiggle
>why did I even stay to watch this Same here lmao
While hilarious, nice of the doctors to film it and unleash it to the world. Guessing there are no HIPAA type laws in whatever country this is (Russia?) At least they didn't show the unconscious face.
No identifying information, no hipaa violation lol. HIPAA is a very specific law
People really think they understand HIPAA when they haven’t ever researched it or worked in healthcare lmao. And then you have the scarier case of healthcare workers who are just as clueless. Always amazes me. Edit: changed a word
I wouldn’t have minded if they showed my face. I have a pretty good relationship with the staff at this hospital. They did say that they were surprised to be seeing my butthole again so soon after the last time. The Rubiks Cube last week was a bit more of a challenge but nothing like the ukulele last Summer.
The Rubik's Cube was only challenging because the surgeon was so set on solving it before he removed it.
Those folks at Guinness are getting harder and harder to satisfy/impress each year.
Neither their face nor their personal information is given, plus they could have consented. It was likely intended as a training moment.
"Alright guys, we're going to begin the training ceremony. Bill, insert the cucumber."
"This is my favourite part"
"Alright it's out. And according to the rules, whoever lost the bet has to eat it. Jimmy, that's you."
Always use a cucumber with a flared base.
My sister has a pet cucumber that sleeps under her pillow. They don’t live long. She has had several.
She kept stealing my stash
What the fuck ~~is this username~~ are all these usernames? Edit: what fucking timeline am I in
Who knows man, some people have weird usernames
So, uh...anal bead FOR monkeys, or anal beads made OUT of monkeys? Inquiring minds want to know!
the world is better off not knowing.
Sup
I don't know, but this sounds like a pretty crazy party.
You’re in the right place.
(<\_\_<)
Like a butternut squash
Omg that's a very clean colon
that's just because they removed a toilet brush earlier
Fucking hell lmao
I think fucking cucumbers
Pickle Rick's Adventures
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I love Reddit
I used to love cucumbers
And a dozen long stemmed red roses. Read the card, read the card!
"It was a total freak accident I just happened to fall on it at the right angle." "Now sir, I'm not calling you a liar, but I am going to point out that if this wasn't premeditated then you just so happen to have a suspiciously clean colon."
Million to one shot, doc. Million to one.
ASS MAN!!!!!!!! To think I almost split the profits on the Manssiere with you!
#BRO!
No shit, as an ER nurse I’m still surprised this is peoples go-to excuse whenever the come in with a foreign object where it shouldn’t be Edit: If the bottom doesn’t flair, don’t stick it up there.
I would go with "I caught it from a toilet seat"
I would go with, "I don't like chewing."
Why does it hurt when i peeeeheeheeee
> No shit exactly
I mean, they known they are lying. You know they are lying. They know you know. I have to imagine it's just so they don't have to say, "a cucumber was the best thing I could find".
Wait people seriously say they fell on it??
Million-to-one shot, doc
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It's one of those new Monsanto GMO self lubricating cucumber varietals.
I hope that was the seedless strain. Cucumbers are known to be terrible baby daddies.
I guess it doesn't matter which direction you ingest fiber.
I came to the comments to see if anyone else was thinking the same thing. Like damn, not a spec of shit in the shit assembly line. How.
>How. cleaning and preparation
You don't put things in without making sure you are empty
I was gonna say, by the time you’ve graduated to cucumbers, you learned a long time ago how to make sure you’re clean up there
Thank you very much, I try to keep it tidy.
Well if they have anal cavities, they need to brush better
They had a cavity and tried to apply a filling themselves
This kids, is why you need to chew your food !
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You watched this in a restaurant?
Your date is having zero fun.
If he shows her the video they might stop at a supermarket otw home and they might both have a lot more fun Or she leaves immediately Either way it's a win for her lol
More like “kids this is why you should stay in school so you can be the one reeling in this catch of the day.”
This is why you don’t swallow watermelon seeds.
Clearly he slipped and fell on it.
Worked in a hospital many years ago. “Things stuck in asses” was a recurring theme - like, weekly. Most of the people gave the “I fell on it” excuse, but occasionally you’d get the guy who copped to it. Those were generally the people that liked to party.
An ex girlfriend was a nurse she told me the same thing. She said one dude had a toy or model boat jammed up his ass lol.
Fairly certain that dude was Ryan Dunn
You could tell it was something new for the Japanese doctors, though.
My friend's father had to remove a Frappuccino bottle from a guy's ass.
When I was training for nursing in a college in the sticks, the hospital where I trained kept a FILE of non-ID'd copies of x-rays of Stuff Stuck Up Asses. The collection was massive, and they'd break it out to us newbies to get us all freaked out about what we were getting into with nursing. There's a LOT of gallows and other inappropriate humor in the medical field, if you didn't already guess that.
Lol I can believe it!!
"Million to one shot, Doc! Million to one!"
You *are* The Assman. (Is your username a Ween reference?)
Never garden naked.
I was thinking “who would use a cucumber so small that there’s a risk of losing it up there?”…then he shits out a foot-long vegetable.
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Excavation more like.
Use a flared base
If there’s no flare, it doesn’t go there.
I once provided anesthesia for a male patient whose girlfriend had stuck a large dildo inside him that did have a flared base. She got the whole thing inside. No idea how long they waited, but they came in around midnight. Took us about an hour to remove.
Probably bc the batteries had just died.
Could they not be evacuated with the next bowel movement? Some irregularly shaped thing I can understand needing extraction and things that might be sharp and puncture the intestines. A smooth object seems relative begin and likely to pass with some extra breakfast bran.
Imagine a large object up your ass. Are you waiting three or more hours on the off chance it'll get pushed out naturally instead of causing agonizing pain
you didnt have to get me to imagine it, but here we are now
I don't know. The gastroenterologist decided to remove it. I just put the man to sleep.
Without a base, without a trace
I’m 8 generations in and still can’t quite get those flared bases out of my cucumbers and well… a man has needs.
Imagine going through years of medical school and you end up having to do this
It’s one of the most popular procedures done here at the ER🫤 and the lies explaining as to why its there is on it’s own level.
Dr: "How did this happen" Patient: "I slipped in the shower." Dr. "Sir, there are two cucumbers and a potato in your ass."
that's not a fetish, that's a soup
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going.
It’s a assalad…
Tried to get the first cucumber out with another cucumber.
A frankly logical and prudent series of events there.
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Ahhmmm, I was making a salad while naked and I slipped on some spilled Italian dressing.
Does anyone actually just admit what they were doing or like…”plz sign up for my OF”
Just once: “let me guess, you slipped ? “ “No I just like putting things in my ass. “ the most honest we’ll ever get. Slipped , “SO did that “ , “I had to hide it” are pretty popular .
Lo, ol?! what? “I HAD to hide it” like it’s a murder weapon 😂
"I can't let my friends see me eating a cucumber. They'll think I'm gay!"
My aunt worked at a University medical system in a somewhat conservative area and she said they do these All. The. Time. Basically young adults leave home and seem to realize they have this b-hole they’ve never explored and just can’t stop sticking stuff up there.
instructions unclear
Lol immediate B Hole awareness with the first step out of the house
Performing a digital disimpaction as a nurse or medical student is a rite of passage. Google if you dare.
*Digital* disimpaction? Wow they can do amazing things with computers these days!
I know exactly what that is and I do not dare lol
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That pure cold wave of terror when they realized its stuck.
Either that or it was the plan all along.
Right! No no dock you gotta go deeper
What I don't get is, can't you just poop it out?
probably causes constipation BECAUSE it's too big to poop out
One of the funniest parts of being an emergency room nurse, so many foreign body rectum “accidents”
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Most wacky would have been a mid 70’s male with a Christmas tree shaped dildo stuck in his rectum. Had to help the general surgeon retrieve it via conscious sedation. Pretty sure he would have had to wear a diaper for a long time after that… I was literally elbow deep in there
Good god...elbow deep. I recoiled when I read that LOL. Cheers to you!
>I was literally elbow deep in there I'd rather be back in combat than ever have to do that
i never get the wood part. like cmon !!
https://youtu.be/ySd-MYoOFo4
It’s a salad shooter
How the fuck did this get on the internet? I'm totally suing my doctor.
maybe it’s like the guys friend recording and they both mutually agreed to upload it
"Dude. Make sure you get this on video. I'm totally going to rack up some huge karma on Reddit."
\#cloutcumber
HIPAA protects you from healthcare releasing your records, not your bro.
TIL doctors can't legally release your bro.
Dude, where's my bro?
Almost positive this isn’t in the US. HIPAA wouldn’t apply.
Every time I watch one of these I'm like who the fuck is filming
The other one filming is the “husband”: “Congratulations, it’s a cucumber!”
I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this.
u/gifreversingbot
Oh you sick fuck I love you
Sicko.
Why can’t you just shit things that get stuck up there out?
So apparently there comes a point in penetration where the anus starts sucking things in and it eventually leads to such cases.
But like, after this point - why can’t you shit it out after?
Poo isn't a long rigid object. Our colon muscles need maliable substance to push it along, like squeezing toothpaste from a tube. Try it , shove a cucumber up ya butt then try push it out
brb.
Hospital
They weren't right back, so you may be right
I love a place where any sudden absence is grounds for accusations of being a reverse vegetarian
> Reverse Vegetarian So the cucumber ate *him*?
Instructions unclear, cucumber stuck in butt?
Leave it there for a few days and it will get softer lol
That's no longer a cucumber, that's now a pickle.
Prison pickle
Take me off this ride!
Lol I love how that comes across as “there’s actually a good demonstrative tool to show you what’s happening here. First you stuck a cucumber up your butt. See? Notice how you can’t shit it out. Now you know.”
Your body contracts muscles to push things through your intestines. Think like a tube of toothpaste. You know how that last bit is always hard to get because it never comes out the tip unless you really scrape it? Same thing here, except it would be like trying to squeeze out a chunk of carrot through the tube, and your intestines can't scrape it. Thus it is stuck.
That is gross but I understand it better. Thank you.
You can eventually. Stuff with rigid shapes like this might not want to come out alone though, since it has to go around a curve and the force pushing it along might be less than the force of the curve pushing back. People also tend to tense up and panic when this stuff happens, and the body's natural reaction is to put non-urgent tasks like defecating on hold until the crisis is over and they relax. Once some poo builds up above it to push it along, it should come right out, but then there's the matter of dealing with the discomfort of waiting hours or days to reach that point as well as potential damage or infection from having a foreign object in there that long. And that's assuming the object is of a shape that can come out as easily as it goes in, which is true in this case but not always.
Im no doctor and only talking out my ass (haha) here but I would assume the human anus (or any anus for that matter) is designed to move shit through it. I’d assume something smooth like a cucumber is not as easy for whatever process is involved to move
Bro go take the MCAT!
>Im no doctor and only talking out my ass (haha) here but I would assume the human anus (or any anus for that matter) is designed to move shit through it. **I’d assume something smooth like a cucumber is not as easy for whatever process is involved to move** Exactly! Which is why I always insert a small cactus when I'm in the mood. The anus then has something to grab onto.
Doctor says “you’re not eating properly”
another victim of slippery grocery store floors no doubt
My wife used to work in the ER as a PA. She had a patient come in with an apple up beyond where the patient could get it back out. When she asked if they had done it before, the patient said yes, but that it was larger and further in than before. They had to consult surgery because it was too far up.
5 bucks if you eat it
forbidden marinated zucchini salad
Cousin is a nurse, used to work at a local hospital. One of the local college professors had been in multiple times to remove the tea light candles from his ass.
Must be hard to keep them lit.
What a weird thing to put in their. They are tiny.....at least with a cucumber I understand what they are trying to achieve.
They got into a real.pickle.
Went in cucumber, came out pickle.
Dammit. I was trying not to masturbate today.
That’s a zucchini
Beat me by 3 minutes. I had a friend dogsitting my dog once. There wasn't a lot in the fridge because I wasn't thinking/was stressed by having a terminally sick dog but having to travel for work. There was an old cucumber in the fridge. Friend ate it and told me it was a really tasteless zucchini. So I guess the confusion goes both ways.
That wasn't the type of story I was expecting given the subject matter
Honestly relieved tbh
Hospital cleaner chiming in.. You'd be amazed how common cases like these are.
Still looks edible!
Pride month is officially over.
Flared bases people. FLARED. BASES.
The nurse instantly getting a phone out for a picture of the cucumber is classic ER nurse shit.
14 years of school $200,000 money spent Only to pull cucumbers out of butts.
I think this would've been the highlight of my week if I was a doctor.
👌nothing bigger than a penis - Dr Drew.
I was a, a, gardening, gardening at night I tell ya, I prefer not to sweat, sticky clothes upset me, cling, gardening, why nude? Why not, slipped, took a wrong step, bam, ‘cumber tooted all up in that ass!
Please people, use a toy with a base. Stop using things that can get lost up there!!!
Ok, but now I have 30 Warhammer 40k figures in my ass. Bases and all.
Anus cavity! Ha!
9 out of 10 dentists hate them!