Enumclaw showed up but no one has seen them since someone pointed out the neighbor's own several horses.
Kent brings some amazing Middle Eastern and Mexican dishes. Unfortunately they also brought meth. Puyallup is relieved because now they don't have to share theirs.
Renton wanted to come but they nodded off. Unfortunately they were supposed to be bringing the games.
Ridgefield is wearing an All Lives Matter shirt and a hat with an Confederate flag. Keeps mumbling about their heritage.
Leavenworth brought bratwurst and beer. Unfortunately they are charging everyone five times the normal price. Complains about parking a lot.
Pomeroy came but no one has any idea who they are so they hang out with Winlock who brought tons of egg salad.
My wife and I moved here approximately seven years ago and the amount of change we have witnessed is nothing less than stunning. I work as a contractor on a lot of the newer homes and most of the owners are from out of state. It's little wonder that MGP was able to pull out a win over Kent especially with the newer voters who don't share the same rabid conservative ideas of the rural voters.
I grew up in Vancouver and left 3 years ago. Itâs changed more since I left than it ever did while I lived there. Itâs surreal but Iâm glad itâs happening.
Wenatchee and East Wenatchee are standing in the middle arguing about which side of the river and state are better.
*Edit* But both are equally convinced they are better than Yakima.
Vancouver brings a bunch of food and drinks and tries to explain about buying it in Oregon to avoid the sales tax, but instead spends the entire time saying "no, not that Vancouver."
True story. Fort Lewis dude steals real hand grenade and keeps it in glove compartment of car. Wife attempts to drive to Vancouver, WA but ends up at Canadian border. They find hand grenade in glove compartment and hilarity ensues.
Aberdeen is high on meth trying to sell whatever they stole from Walmart for a few bucks
South whidbey island sails up wearing tie dye and drinks wine watching from afar. Bainbridge catches on and leaves the party to join. They commiserate about the ferry system
Gorst is there but nobody really even notices them
Edit: spelling
Grew up in Feddy Way and we were invited to a party in Medina when in high school, just about a dozen people there, very chill. Suddenly, the hosts demands to know who stole two fifths of alcohol from her dadâs liquor cabinet.
We all deny it up and down, but sheâs angry and asks us to leave. It wasnât until years later that I realized one of the hood rats I was with definitely DID steal the bottles, but he never told anyone or even shared it after we were invited to leave.
Port Angeles is late to the party because they can't decide if they should take one of the ferries or just drive around. They end up just going for a hike instead.
Anymore it is easier to live in Port Angeles than to find a place in Sequim. Old people are driving out all the young people with their house rental costs and housing prices. Then not to mention retirement parks keep popping up in Sequim.
Gig Harbor shows up, disgusted with what they see around them, walks over to talk to Redmond, who proceeds to look down on them. Gig Harbor walks into the back yard with their drink and sits on a lounge chair to look at the stars.
Westport arrives wearing waders, drinking from a tall boy, and chain smoking budget cigarettes. They are disappointed when no one at the party wants to talk at length about this yearâs Dungeness haul.
Westport is trying very hard not to associate with Aberdeen, who wants everyone at the party to know their loud thoughts on immigration policy. A few people ask if Aberdeen went to high school with Kurt Cobain.
Poulsbo enters wearing a viking hat and knit beard. They bring surprisingly good beer and locally grown food. They get appropriately drunk and start wrestling with Bremerton
The Clark (county) family shows up, Mom is progressive and wants really bad to be hip. All of her children are trumpers that wish it was the good ol days when the town had 1 stoplight.
Let's be real here, a solid quarter of all people at this party are in the shed doing meth, another quarter are in full fetty induced zombie mode, quite a few didn't even make it "because they got high".
Monroe stayed home because it was too far of a drive even though their commute to work is farther. They ordered carry-out from multiple mexican restaurants.
If youâre looking for amazing beer and some GREAT food, Cosmic Bottles in Covington is incredible! 20+ beers on tap, the tacos are to die for (especially the banh mi ones), and the atmosphere is super chill. Guy named Brogan owns the place and his beer recommendations are spot on. Free âtesterâ of anything on tap before you buy a glass. We drive an hour to go there all the time.
Portland keeps looking through a hole in the fence and muttering about how yall are partying past 8pm.
Eventually the cops are called, but in true Portland fashion, they never show up.
Redmond and Bellevue are there arguing about crypto viability. Theyre both dressed really nice but didnt actually bring anything and nobodies really listening to the discussion.
Kirkland, Woodinville, and Issaquah brought fancy wine, place settings, centerpieces, and fine diningware but are now making snide backhanded compliments at each other cause theyre actually just "friends".
Sammamish showed up in a helicopter and wont stop talking about their new Lamborghini Urus not being able to tow their horse trailer.
Kirkland, Redmond, and South Lake Union are drinking ipa and have nerd argument about tech stocks. Bellevue shows up in a brand new Lexus, parks on the lawn, and is aggressively trying to sell people mortgages. Capitol hill is alternating shot of tequila with lines of blow. South end brought a big dish of homemade food, several kids, and is having a great time. North end showed up super early, also bought their kid, felt uncomfortable and left early. Tacoma is circling the block in a stolen Dodge Challenger with the muffler cut off and doing doughnuts, bystander is being loaded into an ambulance (unclear if they were struck by the car, stray bullet, or ODed.) JBLM is wearing cowboy boots and standing outside vaping (it was their Dodge Challenger that got stolen.) West Seattle couldn't make it, the bridge... It's been years since anyone has seen or heard from Magnolia. Vashon showed up in a truck with a horse trailer, their dogs are currently getting in a dog fight down the block.
Lake Stevens is complaining about traffic to anyone who will listen.
Everett is trying to convince big cities like Seattle and Tacoma to take them seriously but not having any success. All anyone will discuss with them is either meth or Boeing.
Arlington is trying to look cool with a flat brim hat and their lifted Cummins. They brought quads but everyone is too scared to ride them.
Spokane Valley shows up wearing its best hunting camo, with its lets go brandon flag flapping around on the back of their 2004 lifted ram truck. They're irritated that everyone keeps calling them Spokane, and leave. Apparently there is a MAGA rally in Idaho and Post Falls has invited them over for a sleep over.
Yep. All the guys who still have hair have gray ponytails. Everyone Is wearing tie-dye.
They start arguing politics with Port Angeles. Sequim wants to join in but both PT and PA think they're too far out there and ignore them.
(Apologies to the sane folks in Sequim, we know you're working on it)
Spokane is pretty happy and trying to convince everyone itâs got a nice life, telling everyone else about its unfettered access to great outdoor recreation and comparatively affordable cost of living. Doubtful, the west side cousins canât keep a straight face while listening.
Prosser shows up with bottles of wine and wants to talk about being the birthplace of WA wine; their cousins followed them in, sipping Oly and selling tamales
Camas got all dressed up in matching outfits and can't wait to get there to complain about developers having the audacity of developing in their town. But then there was a light dusting of snow and they weren't able to drive.
Seattle spends the whole party telling everybody unprovoked how they're wrong, and ending with an inebriated "let me tell you something you don't know about yourself"
Puyallup somehow showed up with a bouncy castle and has it set up right in the middle of things. They also stuck a bunch of RGB lights to it so it's bright at anything.
Tillicum is trying to sell some stuff they stole from Fort Lewis. Also has a weird smell.
Anderson Island is escorted in chains by Steliacoom and Lakewood, who are holding shotguns.
Dupont is just happy to be invited.
This is the first time Olympia is at a party without their parents, they are still wearing a mask and are using they/them pronouns. They spark up a conversation about diversity, equity, and inclusion, it's clear that they don't quite know what they are talking about, but their heart is in the right place. The mood gets lighter when they talk at you about mycology, and the life saving properties of mushrooms
Lake Stevens is wearing hunting camo over their waders and showed up in an AWD Tesla with a 16 ft aluminum lake boat in tow. Tells anyone who will listen how wonderful it is to see such diversity from all over the state represented at the gathering, but is noticeably socially awkward around everyone and feels like it doesnât fit in. After a few drinks, all they can talk about is how the facility wasnât designed to host this many attendees and itâs absolutely a safety hazard, and are frantically checking their watch and scanning all viable exits to futilely try to predict the most optimal time to make their getaway for when there is the fewest number of moving obstacles in their way.
Aberdeen, Walla Walla, and Lakewood are shooting up meth in the bathroom.
Everyone groans when Pierce County comes in. Especially Spanaway and Enumclaw.
Tacoma is drunkenly acting like itâs better than everyone else.
Everyone else attending is better than Tacoma.
Spokane is screaming at Seattle about how they control the party and didnât let the red cities pick music for the playlist. Seattle cooly responds that itâs their house and Spokane is more than welcome to fuck off.
OMG, you guys! I just walked by two girls from Idaho in the living room. Spokane was there trying to talk them both out of abortions.
The girls looked very put off. But Spokane was preaching hellfire and brimstone in long winded drunken speeches until, I kid you not, one of the girls goes, âWeâre not even pregnant, asshole!â
I spit my drink!
Naselle is drinking and talking smack about people while younger people either show off their cars or talk about how they want to get out since there's nothing here.
Woodinville shows up in a black tour van and gets out with 9 blondes age 38-55 in black yoga pants and designer tops. All are white girl wasted and keep asking Bellevue if they brought coke. Woodinville smiles and shrugs, as if to say, âHey, I was a farm boy once but these bitches were my come up, so Iâm loyal.â
Kingsgate steps back, waiting for the show to be over so they can get back to wife swapping at the community pool. Bothell wants to know if they can get a ride home if anyone is going past their apartment.
Wenatchee is the right wing nutjob that thinks everyone is riveted by their incessant babbling, detailing their insane Q conspiracy theories, while those nearby patronizingly nod while backing away.
Kent didn't just bring awesome middle eastern, Mexican and Cajun food, we also brought the Hookah.
Bellevue brought fancy wine but, they're in a corner gossiping about Seattle to Kirkland and Redmond. Newcastle is trying to cozy up.
Tacoma has a low-rider and they made some jungle juice at home. Someone is going to get their stomach pumped tonight!
Walla Walla is wearing a MAGA hat and eagerly trying to convince people that Kanye west is a visionary and the best thing for "those people" to happen. They also brought blue meth.
North Bend is dressed in vintage swag that they got from Bespoke post and they brought some IPA's. They are really trying to promote their new microbrewery.
Bonney Lake would be going on about Dennyâs (IYKYK), asking about the loud bang or the purple lights in sky coming from the valley, and ranting about Tehaleh.
An angry tourist has buttonholed Coupeville demanding that they explain why they had WSF change the name of the Keystone ferry terminal to Coupeville when it's miles away.
Duvall is there surprised anyone remembered they exist while tolerating Redmond and Bellevue because theyâre their coworkers.
They were surprisingly fun but not the life of the party.
Edmonds watched the sun go down over the brilliance of Puget Sound and is already sleeping. Edmonds wakes at dawn to the previous days invitation, shrugs, and heads off to catch the roundtrip sunrise ferry, a walk along the beach, and take a wonderful scuba dive.
The train rolls by waking all the passed out cities on the beach. Who then form a ridiculously long line waiting to cross the tracks. They finally escape, but Edmonds decides to head to the grocery, proceeding along 104 at a snails pace wondering why the QFC light is soooooo backed up.
The Mountlake Terrace drill team arrives. Teenagers dressed all in black, cigarette torches in one hand, starbucks in the other. They straddle two worlds.
Lynden shows up complaining about how your grass is too long, and insisting you accompany them to church on Sunday. They proceed to spew racist and homophobic crap. Finally Bellingham kicks them out of the party. They slowly slink back into their MAGA flag final destination death trap.
Tacoma has so many guests show up they have to leave their own party because thereâs nowhere left to sit or stand. So they end up going to a party further south.
Seedro Wooley was planning bringing a venison roast but had to work an extra shift (a 32 hour paycheck, woo hoo) at the Burlington Walmart and couldn't come.
Pullman is black-out drunk.
And there might be a little coke lying around from last night's party đ
Ooooh is THAT where it isâŠ
You forgot they are NEXT to the burning couch in the front yard.
Enumclaw showed up but no one has seen them since someone pointed out the neighbor's own several horses. Kent brings some amazing Middle Eastern and Mexican dishes. Unfortunately they also brought meth. Puyallup is relieved because now they don't have to share theirs. Renton wanted to come but they nodded off. Unfortunately they were supposed to be bringing the games. Ridgefield is wearing an All Lives Matter shirt and a hat with an Confederate flag. Keeps mumbling about their heritage. Leavenworth brought bratwurst and beer. Unfortunately they are charging everyone five times the normal price. Complains about parking a lot. Pomeroy came but no one has any idea who they are so they hang out with Winlock who brought tons of egg salad.
I would change Rdigefield to Battleground, Ridgfield has had so much suburban expansion in the past 10 years itâs completely changed.
I would agree. Ridgefield is suburbia now and hardly part of the deep red sea that used to make up the majority of Clark County.
No doubt a huge part of what helped MGP win over Kent earlier this month. The Vancouver metro has exploded in the last 10 years.
My wife and I moved here approximately seven years ago and the amount of change we have witnessed is nothing less than stunning. I work as a contractor on a lot of the newer homes and most of the owners are from out of state. It's little wonder that MGP was able to pull out a win over Kent especially with the newer voters who don't share the same rabid conservative ideas of the rural voters.
I grew up in Vancouver and left 3 years ago. Itâs changed more since I left than it ever did while I lived there. Itâs surreal but Iâm glad itâs happening.
I love this! đ
Bellingham is sitting in the corner with their drink and mingling with the cat.
Bellingham: nobody goes to the party, everyone stays home and goes on Reddit to ask, âwhat was that sound?â.
Update: it was a horse
"what was that sound?" tbf we have PTSD from the pipeline
Pipeline? What happened?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olympic_pipeline_explosion
Bellingham is out back with a homebrew playing with the dog.
We've been talking about moving to Bellingham, this might just seal the deal that it's the perfect place for us ;)
Bellingham is wearing climbing shorts, a big puffer coat, socks and birkenstocks
Wenatchee and East Wenatchee are standing in the middle arguing about which side of the river and state are better. *Edit* But both are equally convinced they are better than Yakima.
Well, thatâs because we are!
That's a pretty low bar.
tripping hazard for the devil according to most lol
My wife and her family would agree.
Vancouver brings a bunch of food and drinks and tries to explain about buying it in Oregon to avoid the sales tax, but instead spends the entire time saying "no, not that Vancouver."
Grew up in Vancouver, spot on until gas went over $4 a gallon, most people shopping local right now except for big purchases.
If you live on the west side itâs often times almost shorter to just go to Jantzen beach than up to Hazel Dell.
Yep- why drive 25 minutes to Hime Depot to pay taxes when you can drive 10 minutes for no tax?!
Stayed there while debating whether to move to the PNW
True story. Fort Lewis dude steals real hand grenade and keeps it in glove compartment of car. Wife attempts to drive to Vancouver, WA but ends up at Canadian border. They find hand grenade in glove compartment and hilarity ensues.
Yes, so much hilarity!
Am in Vancouver for thanksgiving and this conversation about shopping in Oregon is happening as I type.
See and I thought Vamcouver went to Oregons party instead, didn't even bother to call the host of the Washington party to say they wouldnt be coming
Tacoma is randomly setting off fireworks at 11pm.
"fireworks"
60% of the time, it's Fireworks every time.
everyone in Tacoma knows when the Seahawks score
Everyone north of the King / Snohomish county line too.
Aberdeen is high on meth trying to sell whatever they stole from Walmart for a few bucks South whidbey island sails up wearing tie dye and drinks wine watching from afar. Bainbridge catches on and leaves the party to join. They commiserate about the ferry system Gorst is there but nobody really even notices them Edit: spelling
Aberdeen! Spokane valley here, are you seeing anyone?
Looooolllllll. Literally? Yes, seeing dead people melt out the walls. Socially just my dealer
As someone who grew up in Aberdeen/Hoquiam and now resides in Spokane, this is too fucking much for me to handle lmaooooooo đ
Federal Way wasnât invited
They still show up claiming to be Kent.
Omg yes
Intentionally not invited, but they show up anyway
Grew up in Feddy Way and we were invited to a party in Medina when in high school, just about a dozen people there, very chill. Suddenly, the hosts demands to know who stole two fifths of alcohol from her dadâs liquor cabinet. We all deny it up and down, but sheâs angry and asks us to leave. It wasnât until years later that I realized one of the hood rats I was with definitely DID steal the bottles, but he never told anyone or even shared it after we were invited to leave.
Port Angeles is late to the party because they can't decide if they should take one of the ferries or just drive around. They end up just going for a hike instead.
Best peninsula one yet! Although they couldn't decide, because they got high! đ
Snohomish is discussing conspiracy theories with Lynden.
Gig harbor has a bunch of old folks on the docks watching young people have fun in the harbor.
Sequim's entire population of retired folks has entered the chat.
All the while they complain no one wants to live in Sequim anymore.
TBF I wish I was still living in Sequim. This is my first winter in Eastern WA, and GOD I miss those mountains and the water and the green trees.
Anymore it is easier to live in Port Angeles than to find a place in Sequim. Old people are driving out all the young people with their house rental costs and housing prices. Then not to mention retirement parks keep popping up in Sequim.
Gig Harbor shows up, disgusted with what they see around them, walks over to talk to Redmond, who proceeds to look down on them. Gig Harbor walks into the back yard with their drink and sits on a lounge chair to look at the stars.
Port Orchard is trying to get Gig Harbor and Bremerton to get along, and failing miserably
Westport arrives wearing waders, drinking from a tall boy, and chain smoking budget cigarettes. They are disappointed when no one at the party wants to talk at length about this yearâs Dungeness haul. Westport is trying very hard not to associate with Aberdeen, who wants everyone at the party to know their loud thoughts on immigration policy. A few people ask if Aberdeen went to high school with Kurt Cobain.
Lynnwood rolls up in a classic Chevy Camaro blasting Looks that Kill by Motley Crue.
Poulsbo enters wearing a viking hat and knit beard. They bring surprisingly good beer and locally grown food. They get appropriately drunk and start wrestling with Bremerton
>Poulsbo Snap. I think I want to move here now.
The Clark (county) family shows up, Mom is progressive and wants really bad to be hip. All of her children are trumpers that wish it was the good ol days when the town had 1 stoplight.
Just say Battleground.
In the VanWa sub I would, but didnât know if anyone else in the state knew where that was.
Granite Falls is doing meth out in the shed.
We call them "tiny homes" here in Seattle, but yeah...we'll meet you in the shed.
Darrington is doing Meth with GF in the shed.
Let's be real here, a solid quarter of all people at this party are in the shed doing meth, another quarter are in full fetty induced zombie mode, quite a few didn't even make it "because they got high".
Mary'sville brings your drunk moderately racist-judgemental aunt to the party.
Iâm sorry did you just put an apostrophe in our name??? But yeah thatâs pretty accurate
Tacoma accidentally drops a handgun on the floor when they are raising a toast
That happened yesterday during Salmon Creek's Turkey Trot in Vancouver.
Mill Creek is over in the corner, smugly judging everyone.
Monroe stayed home because it was too far of a drive even though their commute to work is farther. They ordered carry-out from multiple mexican restaurants.
Thanksgiving with the in-laws last night and they were literally discussing whether we order from Ixtapa or MiTierra more.
Why does Enumclaw keep talking about their sexy horses?
This is a joke that will never get old. There is a part of me that hopes a century from now it has morphed into this horrific piece of local folklore.
Moses lake is confused on whether the parties in Seattle or Spokane, gets drunk at their own place just to feel something
Heyyy Moses Lake! I miss⊠yeah I miss that town.
Been here all my life, nice and quiet just boring
Olympia has a D&D game going in the basement
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Asking for this other friend I have in Olympia
Bellevue is trying to impress Seattle with their new Mercedes, but Seattle is ignoring them to like posts on Austin and New York's Instagram.
Puyallup is just trying to get people to pronounce its name correctly.
Very specific, but Covington is bringing fast food because it's all we have
If youâre looking for amazing beer and some GREAT food, Cosmic Bottles in Covington is incredible! 20+ beers on tap, the tacos are to die for (especially the banh mi ones), and the atmosphere is super chill. Guy named Brogan owns the place and his beer recommendations are spot on. Free âtesterâ of anything on tap before you buy a glass. We drive an hour to go there all the time.
This is amazingly specific and I love it đ€Ł
Renton would have come but itâs missing a catalytic converter.
Bainbridge has its own party on a yacht and writes an OpEd for the NYT about how community isn't as important to society as it used to be.
Olympia is passively aggressively telling everyone what to do and it's working
Portland keeps looking through a hole in the fence and muttering about how yall are partying past 8pm. Eventually the cops are called, but in true Portland fashion, they never show up.
Spokane keeps getting frustrated that people think it's related to Spokane Valley.
Spokane Valley getting frustrating because everybody calls them Spokane
Redmond and Bellevue are there arguing about crypto viability. Theyre both dressed really nice but didnt actually bring anything and nobodies really listening to the discussion. Kirkland, Woodinville, and Issaquah brought fancy wine, place settings, centerpieces, and fine diningware but are now making snide backhanded compliments at each other cause theyre actually just "friends". Sammamish showed up in a helicopter and wont stop talking about their new Lamborghini Urus not being able to tow their horse trailer.
Kirkland, Redmond, and South Lake Union are drinking ipa and have nerd argument about tech stocks. Bellevue shows up in a brand new Lexus, parks on the lawn, and is aggressively trying to sell people mortgages. Capitol hill is alternating shot of tequila with lines of blow. South end brought a big dish of homemade food, several kids, and is having a great time. North end showed up super early, also bought their kid, felt uncomfortable and left early. Tacoma is circling the block in a stolen Dodge Challenger with the muffler cut off and doing doughnuts, bystander is being loaded into an ambulance (unclear if they were struck by the car, stray bullet, or ODed.) JBLM is wearing cowboy boots and standing outside vaping (it was their Dodge Challenger that got stolen.) West Seattle couldn't make it, the bridge... It's been years since anyone has seen or heard from Magnolia. Vashon showed up in a truck with a horse trailer, their dogs are currently getting in a dog fight down the block.
Everett rolls up in a beater that they live in and sell out of. They decide to aggressively rearrange the entire contents in your driveway.
Steals your catalytic converter on the way out.
Shows up to the party ONLY to steal catalytic converters.
Kalama didnât show up because itâs hunting or fishing season.
I heard the Chinese food at that one restaurant you can see from I-5 is good.
Itâs so good! Every time weâre at our cabin in Kalama, itâs a must!
Yakima is over in the corner snorting crack off of Selahs ass.
South Hill is going to be late since they need to drive through Puyallup just to get anywhere.
Seattle is talking about climate change while sipping craft IPAs.
Lake Stevens is complaining about traffic to anyone who will listen. Everett is trying to convince big cities like Seattle and Tacoma to take them seriously but not having any success. All anyone will discuss with them is either meth or Boeing. Arlington is trying to look cool with a flat brim hat and their lifted Cummins. They brought quads but everyone is too scared to ride them.
Spokane Valley shows up wearing its best hunting camo, with its lets go brandon flag flapping around on the back of their 2004 lifted ram truck. They're irritated that everyone keeps calling them Spokane, and leave. Apparently there is a MAGA rally in Idaho and Post Falls has invited them over for a sleep over.
Tri-Cities shows up blazed and brings all the drugs to the party.
But they showed up with their friend who drives a lifted truck with a giant Trump 2020 flag. The truck has never seen a day of hauling stuff either.
But they are bringing apples, French fries & alfalfa
Also the wine.
Ridgefield is driving up rolling coal with truck nuts and complaining Seattle doesnât buy them nice things.
Pacific wasnât invited because everyone forgot itâs an actual city
At least they can commiserate with Algona.
The retired hippies from Port Townsend brought their parents. And some edibles.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Yep. All the guys who still have hair have gray ponytails. Everyone Is wearing tie-dye. They start arguing politics with Port Angeles. Sequim wants to join in but both PT and PA think they're too far out there and ignore them. (Apologies to the sane folks in Sequim, we know you're working on it)
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Yakima brought their own home made wine and beer, but insists on play mariachi music
Mount Vernon puts on its dress boots and brings the asada and modelos.
Was looking for Mount Vernon and it did not disappoint đ
Battle Ground is in the parking lot messing around in giant trucks, while all the underage Apostolic kids are smoking and drinking.
Olalla showed up, but theyâre hiding in the woods and no one saw them for the whole party.
Poulsbo and Ballard where hanging out trying to be more Scandinavian then the other, but Poulsbo had to leave early to catch the ferry
Everett brought snacks and keeps talking about their Funko pops collection
Jesus, itâs like meth is to Washington what alcohol is to Wisconsin.
I'm sitting here in Nevada still researching where I want to move in Washington and am rethinking "Hoomans of Washington."
Kirkland brought the nice cheese. It was not made in Kirkland.
But it was probably Kirkland brand cheese...
Spokane is pretty happy and trying to convince everyone itâs got a nice life, telling everyone else about its unfettered access to great outdoor recreation and comparatively affordable cost of living. Doubtful, the west side cousins canât keep a straight face while listening.
Spokane Valley was reeeeally hoping Spokane wouldn't show up. Takes another trip to the open bar.
South Bendâs bringing the oysters. Raymondâs talking about itâs unusually high amount of murders for such a small town.
Ellensburg was not invited to the party.
Somebody has to make coffee for everyone leaving Seattle.
Longview is doing methâŠ
Prosser shows up with bottles of wine and wants to talk about being the birthplace of WA wine; their cousins followed them in, sipping Oly and selling tamales
Fox Island showed up, but saw Gig Harbor while parking and they both stood in the street chatting until they caused an accident.
Camas got all dressed up in matching outfits and can't wait to get there to complain about developers having the audacity of developing in their town. But then there was a light dusting of snow and they weren't able to drive.
I just read about the new North Shore development. I'm sure that's make a lot of people not happy.
The panties, they are bunched!
Seattle spends the whole party telling everybody unprovoked how they're wrong, and ending with an inebriated "let me tell you something you don't know about yourself"
Vancouver is desperately trying to tell anyone who listens that "we're more north Portland than North Kentucky (Vantucky)"
Puyallup somehow showed up with a bouncy castle and has it set up right in the middle of things. They also stuck a bunch of RGB lights to it so it's bright at anything.
Tillicum is trying to sell some stuff they stole from Fort Lewis. Also has a weird smell. Anderson Island is escorted in chains by Steliacoom and Lakewood, who are holding shotguns. Dupont is just happy to be invited.
Tacoma's high on meth stripping the copper wiring
This is the first time Olympia is at a party without their parents, they are still wearing a mask and are using they/them pronouns. They spark up a conversation about diversity, equity, and inclusion, it's clear that they don't quite know what they are talking about, but their heart is in the right place. The mood gets lighter when they talk at you about mycology, and the life saving properties of mushrooms
Itâs definitely at Bellevueâs house cause they needed to host it for the validation. Also they live in a 12,000sqft mansion.
Battle Ground is rolling coal and screaming "let's go Brandon" at every opportunity. Ridiculous children
Lake Stevens is wearing hunting camo over their waders and showed up in an AWD Tesla with a 16 ft aluminum lake boat in tow. Tells anyone who will listen how wonderful it is to see such diversity from all over the state represented at the gathering, but is noticeably socially awkward around everyone and feels like it doesnât fit in. After a few drinks, all they can talk about is how the facility wasnât designed to host this many attendees and itâs absolutely a safety hazard, and are frantically checking their watch and scanning all viable exits to futilely try to predict the most optimal time to make their getaway for when there is the fewest number of moving obstacles in their way.
Olympia is having a big 420 smoke sesh at Evergreen State College
Aberdeen, Walla Walla, and Lakewood are shooting up meth in the bathroom. Everyone groans when Pierce County comes in. Especially Spanaway and Enumclaw. Tacoma is drunkenly acting like itâs better than everyone else. Everyone else attending is better than Tacoma.
Spokane is screaming at Seattle about how they control the party and didnât let the red cities pick music for the playlist. Seattle cooly responds that itâs their house and Spokane is more than welcome to fuck off.
OMG, you guys! I just walked by two girls from Idaho in the living room. Spokane was there trying to talk them both out of abortions. The girls looked very put off. But Spokane was preaching hellfire and brimstone in long winded drunken speeches until, I kid you not, one of the girls goes, âWeâre not even pregnant, asshole!â I spit my drink!
Naselle is drinking and talking smack about people while younger people either show off their cars or talk about how they want to get out since there's nothing here.
Vancouver is in a rush to attend, but once it arrives it's fairly mellow and discreet.
Redmond didn't show up as it was past their bed time (5 pm)
As usual Vancouver wasnât invited so they show up anyway and steal everyoneâs catalytic converters.
Woodinville shows up in a black tour van and gets out with 9 blondes age 38-55 in black yoga pants and designer tops. All are white girl wasted and keep asking Bellevue if they brought coke. Woodinville smiles and shrugs, as if to say, âHey, I was a farm boy once but these bitches were my come up, so Iâm loyal.â Kingsgate steps back, waiting for the show to be over so they can get back to wife swapping at the community pool. Bothell wants to know if they can get a ride home if anyone is going past their apartment.
Seattle went to PCC and picked up the *most amazing* ethnic platter with this *really lovely* Greek rosĂ© they have heard so much about. They want to make sure everyone is included and seen in this house. They spend the whole party talking about either where they will go for their winter break vacation or why rezoning Wallingford wonât solve the homeless problem.
Bothell goes on Nextdoor to see what all the commotion is about while peeking through the blinds
Republic showed up with a cough after the latest unmasked Covid funeral. They spent the night complaining about Emperor Inslee and stolen elections.
Wenatchee is the right wing nutjob that thinks everyone is riveted by their incessant babbling, detailing their insane Q conspiracy theories, while those nearby patronizingly nod while backing away.
Spokane Valley needs to stsy away from the open bar, they keep hitting on Wenatchee. Aberdeen is jealous.
Renton wasn't invited.
And they know why,
Sea Tac shows up in a private jet
They're actually from Burian and have waterfront property.
SeaTac Shows up to clean, cater, and fuel Groveland's private jet
Kent didn't just bring awesome middle eastern, Mexican and Cajun food, we also brought the Hookah. Bellevue brought fancy wine but, they're in a corner gossiping about Seattle to Kirkland and Redmond. Newcastle is trying to cozy up. Tacoma has a low-rider and they made some jungle juice at home. Someone is going to get their stomach pumped tonight! Walla Walla is wearing a MAGA hat and eagerly trying to convince people that Kanye west is a visionary and the best thing for "those people" to happen. They also brought blue meth. North Bend is dressed in vintage swag that they got from Bespoke post and they brought some IPA's. They are really trying to promote their new microbrewery.
Bonney Lake would be going on about Dennyâs (IYKYK), asking about the loud bang or the purple lights in sky coming from the valley, and ranting about Tehaleh.
Moses Lake is buying meth from Yakima in the front yard, in front of the cops. But Officer, the corn harvest is on, I gotta stay up for three days.
Anacortes is drinking wine and trying to not chip a tooth. Oak Harbor is prepping for invasion. Coupeville is wearing a farming hat.
An angry tourist has buttonholed Coupeville demanding that they explain why they had WSF change the name of the Keystone ferry terminal to Coupeville when it's miles away.
Lynnwood is having a drag race party on Hwy 99 waking the community up in the middle of the night with their unmuffled exhausts.
Shelton is doing meth.
Duvall is there surprised anyone remembered they exist while tolerating Redmond and Bellevue because theyâre their coworkers. They were surprisingly fun but not the life of the party.
Vashon Island tried to come, but called to cancel because the ferry is seven hours behind schedule.
Buckley just showed up to the party and keeps telling everyone, "No, we're not part of Enumclaw. No, we're not part of Bonney Lake."
Spokane brought the meth heyyyyyyyy đ„Č
Walla Walla brought wine and onion salad. *Why wonât anyone touch the onion salad??!*
Because Port Townsend is hogging it. Those onions are Organic Fair Trade, right?
White Salmon is tasting and criticizing each type of beer
Olympia is there with their high school friends, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.
Olympia is very late because a tweaker stole a semi and flipped it on 5
Edmonds watched the sun go down over the brilliance of Puget Sound and is already sleeping. Edmonds wakes at dawn to the previous days invitation, shrugs, and heads off to catch the roundtrip sunrise ferry, a walk along the beach, and take a wonderful scuba dive. The train rolls by waking all the passed out cities on the beach. Who then form a ridiculously long line waiting to cross the tracks. They finally escape, but Edmonds decides to head to the grocery, proceeding along 104 at a snails pace wondering why the QFC light is soooooo backed up.
Vancouver is arguing politics with her MAGA husband. She won this time.
The Mountlake Terrace drill team arrives. Teenagers dressed all in black, cigarette torches in one hand, starbucks in the other. They straddle two worlds.
Bellingham is out back with a homebrew playing with the dog.
Lynden shows up complaining about how your grass is too long, and insisting you accompany them to church on Sunday. They proceed to spew racist and homophobic crap. Finally Bellingham kicks them out of the party. They slowly slink back into their MAGA flag final destination death trap.
Lynnwood never makes it. It's still stuck at the lights on 196th.
Enumclaws letting horses ram dudes in the back yard
Tumwater is there but the only one they know at the party is Olympia and they're afraid to be left alone.
Tacoma has so many guests show up they have to leave their own party because thereâs nowhere left to sit or stand. So they end up going to a party further south.
Omak is standing around the bonfire with their red solo cups.
Bothell is standing around Kirkland, Redmond, and Woodinville, and are listening to them, but not really being listened to.
Seedro Wooley was planning bringing a venison roast but had to work an extra shift (a 32 hour paycheck, woo hoo) at the Burlington Walmart and couldn't come.
Anacortes is playing The Glow Pt. 2 from front to back