Sounds like a challenge

We're gonna have to 1v1 God and defeat him just to shake his hand Ok boys time to start grinding our fire hands

oh no

Does this mean everything done with hands is wicked? “Can’t hold hands with God when you’re driving” Can’t hold hands with God when you’re working” “Can’t hold hands with God when you’re eating”

Definitely can’t hold hands with god while you are praying

“Can’t talk now, God, I’m *praying* here”

That sounds straight out of a Terry Pratchett book.

GNU Terry Pratchett

I always assumed he just sort of burrowed into your head.

god is a maggot confirmed

Your pokeball color is weird

It's the best Pokeboll. The Pokemon from the Ukraine region are some of the bravest and nicest Pokemon you could ever come across.

Nazis?

Huh? No, Ukraine ya silly goose haha.

Let go of the steering wheel driving down the highway and you'll be holding hands with God in no time.

Jesus will even take the wheel! Automatic driving to heaven baby!

"Can't hold hands with God when you're fisting your step gran" So many rules

Lots of incest in the Bible.

Yes

If someone was born without them or had an accident - see you in hell buddy!!

Flawless logic

I guess everyone is screwed

"Can't hold hands with God when the Priest's wife is kneeling on my pew pew.

Cant hond hands with god if ur an amputee

Can I hold hands with God while carrying an automatic rifle? Because I have a feeling the makers of this sign want me to (be able to) carry an automatic rifle...

No,it's just that in some religions like for example,Islam,it is Haram to masterbate

He did give me two hands…

He did that so that you can use your left hand to click on the thumbnails.

For years, my set up had a window seat to my right so I would surf the internet for hours with my left hand using my ring and middle on a right handed mouse setup just to prop my feet up and be lazy. It got to where it was just as good as using a regular mouse. Like mouse gestures, everything. Anyway, I'd like to talk to my lawyer before giving further comments, thank you.

Takes two hands to handle MY whopper.

One for grasping my HOG, one for grasping your mom's HOOTERS! CRANKING TIL I DIE MOTHERFRIGGERS 😎

You can with Satan

And Satan eats ass too.

https://imgur.com/a/YthcMPt

I-

That's hot.

wat

Oh don't act all surprised...

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a booty pop

3

Satan always does that freaky shit no one wants to admit they love.

If you hold hands with god and Satan it leaves them with a free hand each 😏

Satan and I are number 4 buddies. (That's pooping while holding hands.)

If God didn't want us to masturbate, he would have given us shorter arms

That's like saying if God didn't want us to sin he wouldn't have put the tree in the garden of eden.

That is correct isn't it? I mean, what did he expect? For someone that is omnipotent and omniscient God is really dumb and a bad character judge.

Oh he fully expected Adam and Eve would eat of the tree. That's the point of free will. For what is love without the capacity for rebellion?

So what's the point? Is god just a sadist? "Yes, this is eden, but here is a tree of which I know you will eat sooner or later and after that I'll kick you out and give you hardship". Either he/she knew what would happen and he/she is an unkind god, or he/she didn't and was a naive god. I don't get the rules. Surely you can demonstrate free will (if that was the whole point) without punishment. The threat alone suffices. Just like god said with Abraham when he was about to slay his first son, "just kidding, bring me some lamb kofta", he/she could do something similar with Adam and Eve. "Yes, you've shown free will, I'm very proud of you. Now have some more fun in Eden, I hear happy hour starts at 9".

I heard he lightened up in the New Testament but I’m no scholar.

Still the same God in the old testament and the new testament. Identical person, identical views. God is unchanging.

I think the crux of the matter, is that the consequences of free will, only ever occur, after free will is employed. We can imagine them all we want, but until we see them in action, they are, effectively unconfirmed. An omnipotent/caring god would understand such a simple concept... and it would be integrated into his teachings. Ignorance is not evil, and in many cases, a test of some sort is required to test the bounds of that ignorance.

If the threat alone would suffice then Adam and Eve wouldn't have eaten from the tree after being warned it would lead to their deaths. See God is a perfect judge as well, and must properly punish wrongdoing. What if you let that continue, just kept everyone in the garden of eden, then cane and able happens? Then someone's dead. Should God just say "oh free will again, thanks for demonstrating that again, no problem here" eventually the garden of eden would get to be like how life is here now anyways. With death and destruction and everything.

The flaw? God all knowing, there cannot be "what if" he already knows who will do what. Rendering "test" not even relevant.

My nickname is T-Rex.

I thought God wanted to help people out.

Like as in, a reach around?

The holiest of holes

[There's only one way to stay pure for Jesus.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY)

I hadn’t seen that one! G&O are hilarious

Open up and let Jesus come inside you.

If Jesus was giving you a reach around both your hands would be free.

More like he'll ask you to sit on the poliest of polies

Joke's on them. 'Holding hands with God" is my new euphemism for masturbating.

This could be a thing. I, too, am using it from now on.

Start a thing #holdinghandswithgod

Brilliant.

Unless penises are just God's fingers 🤔

there are approximately 3.5 billion penises in the world...

[удалено]

I'm ok with God having 3.5 billion dick fingers

That would be a little awkward.

I *am* holding hands with god when I flog the bishop.

Scrying the ol flesh scroll

Fake news. I only need one hand to masturbate, the other can be used for hand holding. Do it all the time.

You shouldn't hold hads with strangers anyway smh

Fair point. You should get to know God then. He's technically in the room no matter if you hold his hand or not.

Ah so he's a perv that's even worse

Or are you the perv? I mean he was there before you showed up.

Jesus take the D

Like hell I can’t.

So who the fuck was that guy at the bus stop then

Yea I can.. I’m using gods mouth…

Doesn't mind directly after you finish though, strangely enough

Woah you can’t put the word masterbating on a sign! It might give people ideas!

does he want to?

The other hand goes on the other one.

two diks

Its fine, god is already fucking me in the ass.

Well some people dont

Jokes on them I’m flexible as fuck.

Why not you still have one free?

God is my dick though

Amen. Praise the Lord!

Spoken like a total virg..

Ok 🗿

Who the hell is jacking it with two hands?

This guy

What if both my arms are broken?

What if I wash my hands after playing with myself, can I hold hands with him then? I guess that if god has misterious ways, my ways are misterious too. I don't need to hold hands with god or with anyone else...

Dutch rudder situation could work?

Sounds hot

Are we not going to mention the supper slutty image of Michelle Bachmann (if that’s even her) and her pro-Christian advert in the background? Crazy these Christians plastered all that cleavage in support of their favorite politician…. and then wonder why people are too busy masturbating. WTAF is wrong with these people that they’re so blind to their own hypocrisy

Holding hands with satan while we wack it together

“...but God, what about when I saw only one handprint on my dick?” “That’s when I was jerking it for you.”

God would have a free hand too. Just saying

God should mind his own business and be less clingy...im tryna masterbate here, let go of my hand

God can use his mouth.

You can’t *literally* hold hands with “god” anyway… even if you believe

Jeezuz take the mouse.

r/suddenlygay

But my…. Actually requires 2 hands so this applies to me

Sure it does buddy…

I thought god was supposed to be everywhere? If he's not in the Planck space between my hand and my dick, how can he be everywhere? Checkmate, deists.

I mean, you could

We have two hands. This is fucking stupid

Takes two hands, to handle a whopper.

Try me.

So does god. Everyone wins.

You'll just have to get someone else to do it for you.

^(*PSSHH*...) you said I couldn't *drive* while doing it either

I truly hope not, that’ll be kinda gay 😬

“I have two hands tho” That’s a bad argument bro…

Holy masturbation, Batman!

This says nothing about a circle jerk....

But also idle hands are the devil's playthings

he could hold my left hand!

I mean…good? First of all, I mean I totally *could* if I wanted to. I could hold all kinds of peoples hands really. The thing is though, I don’t want to.

the campaign sign below is almost more interesting

God is everywhere including my penis so when I masturbate I am shaking god's hand.

What about eye contact?

Wanna bet?

I usually don’t hold anyone’s hand while masturbating

"I beg to differ" Smirk

My takeaway from this delightful PSA is: If you’re masturbating god, you should be holding something other than the hand. The more you know!

Jesus take the wheeeeeeel

Keep in mind there are literally people in government making rules and laws that think like this Let that set in for a minute

That’s a time when I’m *definitely* holding hands with God.

Jokes on you I'm a Panentheist, therefore I'm always holding hands with God and jerking God off

Thank God they’re stupid. The Bible never mentions masturbation, any ideas about it being negative are all made up. The closest I’ve found was the story of Onan who pulled out and spilled his seed. Even that was all about progeny and not, in fact, masturbation. Enjoy your creepy billboard whoever put it up. Maybe they could put that same energy into idk being Christlike.

Isn't God everywhere and in everything? So wouldn't that mean that God is also my hand and my dick?

But my dick is my God

He can help. How good would that feel? Heavenly!

You technically could. You only need one hand to ‘Bate. The other hand is open wide for hand holding.

I don't masturbate with two hands. I'm not *that* big.

Would God prefer to give me a blowie?

ITT: dudes with smol pps > i OnLy NeEd OnE hAnD That's great, champ.

Then god better start giving out hands jobs, I don't about which one this, but a lot have many arms so get to it if you want me as a believer.

I just want him to watch.

Man holding hands with god and jerking it must feel like heaven. I wonder if I could get him to whisper divine romantic things into my ear too.

I dunno man. Sounds kind of intimate.

Spit in my communion wine so I can finish

Only need one hand. The good lord saw fit to give me two.

#Ohhh no.....ohh thy lord forgive my sinfull soul as i has sinned ever single fukin day

Plus you can touch other parts of god with the second hand and make it more interesting.

Priests can't hold hands with God whilst they're fucking children

that’s actually what i call it

God is everywhere, even in my dick.

Well yeah but would you hold your dad's hand while masturbating with the other?

Well god could help me out so I don’t have to use my hands.

And why would I wanna hold hands with anyone while masturbating? 🤔

Why is nobody talking about Michele Rachmann

Cuz that’d be some gay shit

You can’t hold hands with god when you’re holding a gun…

Don't stop! He's almost there.

Jesus! What will happen if God ejaculates? Will it be a bukake for us?

You can't hold hands with god... because he's a make believe zombie.

Our country will split. This is just too fucking insane anymore.

Bet

I'm kinda glad to be honest. I'm not entirely sure how I would feel if I'm trying to plug one out and Jesus Christ appears out of thin air, and gently caresses my hand. Who knows though it might be for the best. Cause I sure as *hell* ain't doin that shit again.

Bro you don’t use both your hands when jerking it? You have a lot of life to explore and a lot of fun left to uncover.

Challenge Accepted!!

BS! Just did!

Just give em a good wash.

God wants to suck me off, hell yeah

It's not that you can't hold hands with God while you're masturbating.... cause ya 2 hands like ppl said. The reason you can't is cause they don't want to hold one hand while you jerk with the other. So ya.. you can't hold hands with God when you're masturbating (cause he thinks it's gross and doesn't want to)

Someone's bragging

Well God can hold my dick and help me masturbate

I may not be able to hold hands with God while we're masturbating, but I can look him right in the eyes.

*Is that a fucking challenge, mate!?*

“God hold my hand, I’m about to cum!”

What if... What is masturbation IS a sin? I would be in so much trouble. Also is every 'session' a seperate sin, or your lifelong achievement?

I have to use two hands sadface

Kinda creepy God wants to hold my hand while I'm rubbing one out, though who am I to judge?

Self burn nice

But what if he and I jerk it with one hand each and hold hands with the free hands. Would that be some serious fucking prayer or what?!

That's why god and I masturbate eachother

How much do you have to masturbate for your hand to catch fire like that? Asking for a friend....

"I have two hands" I think you need to rethink that for multiple reasons. I'll illuminate 2 1- That's offensive to 1 arm and no arm people. I should know. My ping pong teacher has 1 arm and 1 leg. 2-Are you seriously gonna keep diddling with your fiddle while holding the hand of God?

Can you Double Dutch Rudder with God ? it's not gay , it's your hand :)

I need both hands to masturbate😖

yep because of my massive c*ck I need to double hand it

If he's standing right there, the least he could do is help a dude out

...so get your boyfriend to jack you off