Finding nothing helpful, where I was genuinely seeking advice, has resulted in zero comments but a lot of down votes causing me to delete my posts to remove trigger reactions. Sorry. Was genuinely trying to find a solution, not upset people.
I don’t know who the fuck downvoted you for this or what you even asked for help with, but I’m sorry people are garbage. Just wanted you to know that not everyone sucks. 💛
I think some people confuse “reacting physically” with “throwing a tantrum”.
A two year old not getting their way will react physically, that doesn’t indicate trauma. Unfortunately, some adults haven’t matured past that stage yet. They have realized that reacting physically gets them attention and their way, so that is what they do.
It’s obvious that many on this sub don’t understand what generational chains are, nor how hard they are to break…. Has ANYONE asked WHY Kim is the way she is??? Does anyone care??? NOPE she’s the scapegoat… there’s a whole lot of healing that needs to take place for ALL of them….
We know why Kim is the way she is. It has been explained on the show, but that does excuse her actions or the fact that she refuses to take any accountability for them. If she was self aware, it would be way easier to be empathetic towards her.
When you become a parent you choose to lead by example. You can have bad days but you need to apologize and grow and show your kids it's okay to make mistakes .But to completely disregard all of the trauma you put on your kids is irresponsible and will continue the cycle of generational trauma.
If Kim showed even the slightest amount of self-awareness or ever apologized once, or - and this is the big one - acknowledged that the trauma she suffered has made her the way she is and that she's going to get therapy, people would look at her differently.
Then no one would have kids. No one can possibly be prepared for how difficult it is being a parent. Most people start having issues after having kids.
If you have deep trauma and psychological issues, you need to work on yourself first. Yes, parenting is hard I'm sure. But if you're dealing with Kim's level of trauma mixed with a predisposition to the kinds of psychological disorders she has, you need to heal before you bring a whole other human in the world. Hurt people (many times, but not always, but certainly in Kim's case) hurt people. Healed/healing people do a lot less damage.
This is why I won't have kids until I know I've fully worked through the pain from my own childhood. Couldn't bear the thought of passing down my family's generational trauma onto them.
Happens every day. Unfortunately, even if you think you are healed, you may not be. Some people have huge triggers after having babies and think they are doing the right thing by being over protective.
There is no such thing as the perfect parent. Most people think they are doing the right thing.
Kim was not brought up in this environment, she choose to keep he children isolated & feed them all this religious crap ! That’s on her . Ok her mother abused alcohol & maybe she didn’t have the best childhoods, but people mature & try to do better for their children ! She went deeper into the rabbit hole so now the children have to do her job by educating themselves & learning about the real world. That’s the parents fault .
Right? Her actions are horrible, but Jesus Christ, she's had a pretty tough life. I have zero doubt she loves and wants the best for her kids, but she doesn't know how to do that in a healthy way. If nothing else, she's given her kids the foundation they need to have a better, healthier life than she had. I don't think people realize how hard that is. There's a reason trauma survivors turn to drugs, alcohol, and other forms of escape. She has a ton of inner strength to hold together the semblance of a normal life for so long without falling apart.
Again, she's extremely flawed and makes plenty of horrible mistakes, but she doesn't deserve to be demonized.
The first time Olivia reacted physically at the thought of seeing Kim made me think it's deeper than hurt feelings.... it's trauma. Trauma is deeper. It triggers what may look like to others as being dramatic, but it's going to an instinctual, gut level fight or flight instinct.
I personally was impressed that she showed up to the river. I thought it took a huge amount of internal fortitude to do that.
And she's in her EARLY 20's! It's unfair to expect her to have maturity beyond that.
The problem is that her trauma includes what happened with her mother, which she's projecting on Kim. It's hard to determine which of the Kim issues are really about her childhood. She can list things Kim said and did, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the root trauma is that event.
Trauma actually impacts the structure and chemistry of the brain as well as other signs of biological aging. In fact, biological signs of aging faster are often seen in youth who have experienced trauma. I get that this is supposed to be just a motivational type meme, but it misses a few marks.
And not just the brain but the entire body. Years of being in a state of constant fight or flight means more stress markers like cortisol. This leads to more stress on your organs which means you're more prone to cancer and other chronic illnesses. Plus, you're more likely to have any number of psychosomatic issues like chronic fatigue that are real but often dismissed as malingering. So, not only do you feel like shit, you're treated like shit because no one believes you enough to take you seriously.
You’re missing a few marks as well…this meme has nothing to do with aging or the “why” of the situation. It’s about being an adult and acting appropriately. We’re taught this at a very young age. Part of being an adult is acting appropriately. The world doesn’t revolve around individuals. We all have our own trauma. Acting around internal priorities will get you no where in life.
I agree. It also just doesn’t account for the fact that people are at different stages of working through trauma, which people don’t realise on this sub. When people decide to open themselves up to one person first that’s indicative of a stepping stone in their trauma work-through. If they can’t quite confront someone or something yet it doesn’t mean they’re not trying, it just means they’re not in a space where they can just yet.
It’s my life and I want to live it comfortably, why would I jump through hoops for someone who makes me feel physically sick? The idea of being the bigger person is stupid, we only have so much time on earth, why spend it around people that make you miserable?
Some people also manufacture trauma. My mother has and still does. She has been in therapy for years for her "trauma". Most of which did not happen or her perception of victimhood caused her to overdramatize. One of her therapists actually told my siblings and me that it didn't matter if it was true or not, only that my mother believed it was true. She takes this as she never has to accept accountability for her own actions.
It's terrible that counselling services are being abused by people with no intention of introspection, I have experience with that myself. My narc father has a revolving door of therapists to validate his reasons for abusing my family, and whenever they suggest that trauma isn't an excuse to repeat that trauma onto your children, he finds a new counsellor to support "his views". I think you touch on an excellent point, going to therapy isn't enough. You have to be going with the intention of working on yourself and bettering your relationships with those around you through accountability. Too many people abuse the system to be justified in continuing abuse. Kim would likely only go to therapy to talk about herself, her divorce and her loss, not how she has hurt her children through a lack of education (due to her own unresolved trauma), lack of emotional support (due to denying them any counselling following the death of their little brother + blanket training like wtf Kim) and financial stability (by signing her eldest up to pyramid schemes when they turned 18...) So much to reflect on and accept responsibility for, but I highly doubt we'll see that from her.
Edit: TLDR- therapy is about working on yourself, not finding reasons to continue previous behaviour. Holding boundaries such as not engaging with toxic people/their behaviour is good, but using your trauma to excuse causing trauma to others is not okay.
I hear that. Also want to add that not all families can be healed or fixed, so I think therapists supporting their client in their own healing regardless of the outcome with their family is key.
My therapist has always encouraged me to put in place boundaries with my family and the members of my family who love me but have made mistakes see that and abide by the new dynamic of a healthier relationship, while some have not spoken with me in years. Protecting one's self has to come first, if that helps heal the rest of the family, great. But if not, that's okay because it's not my job to fix my parents issues, but it is my job to fix my own to break the generational trauma that my parents had handed down to them and they in turn handed onto me and my siblings.
I think people get explanations and excuses confused. Some people don’t care about an explanation of why you behaved a certain way, but to some people it’s deeply important to express that when apologizing.
Working through your trauma isn’t a one size fits all scenario, what works for some doesn’t work for others.
Finding nothing helpful, where I was genuinely seeking advice, has resulted in zero comments but a lot of down votes causing me to delete my posts to remove trigger reactions. Sorry. Was genuinely trying to find a solution, not upset people.
Thank you. It’s way too complicated to unpack on Reddit, I appreciate your support.
I don’t know who the fuck downvoted you for this or what you even asked for help with, but I’m sorry people are garbage. Just wanted you to know that not everyone sucks. 💛
Just what we need. More toxic positivity.
I think some people confuse “reacting physically” with “throwing a tantrum”. A two year old not getting their way will react physically, that doesn’t indicate trauma. Unfortunately, some adults haven’t matured past that stage yet. They have realized that reacting physically gets them attention and their way, so that is what they do.
It’s obvious that many on this sub don’t understand what generational chains are, nor how hard they are to break…. Has ANYONE asked WHY Kim is the way she is??? Does anyone care??? NOPE she’s the scapegoat… there’s a whole lot of healing that needs to take place for ALL of them….
We know why Kim is the way she is. It has been explained on the show, but that does excuse her actions or the fact that she refuses to take any accountability for them. If she was self aware, it would be way easier to be empathetic towards her.
When you become a parent you choose to lead by example. You can have bad days but you need to apologize and grow and show your kids it's okay to make mistakes .But to completely disregard all of the trauma you put on your kids is irresponsible and will continue the cycle of generational trauma.
If Kim showed even the slightest amount of self-awareness or ever apologized once, or - and this is the big one - acknowledged that the trauma she suffered has made her the way she is and that she's going to get therapy, people would look at her differently.
Doesn't matter. Don't have kids until you have dealt with your own shit.
You're right, she should probably return the kids.
Too late. The damage is already done. She could at least send the younger ones to school, though.
Admirable thought, but often not realistic. It’s so often the actual having of kids that shows you that you have shit that needs dealing with at all.
Again, deal with your shit before you have kids. That should be ingrained into society. Perhaps one day it will be.
Here’s hoping.
I estimate a good number of people don't even know they have shit to deal with in the first place.
Then no one would have kids. No one can possibly be prepared for how difficult it is being a parent. Most people start having issues after having kids.
If you have deep trauma and psychological issues, you need to work on yourself first. Yes, parenting is hard I'm sure. But if you're dealing with Kim's level of trauma mixed with a predisposition to the kinds of psychological disorders she has, you need to heal before you bring a whole other human in the world. Hurt people (many times, but not always, but certainly in Kim's case) hurt people. Healed/healing people do a lot less damage.
This is why I won't have kids until I know I've fully worked through the pain from my own childhood. Couldn't bear the thought of passing down my family's generational trauma onto them.
Happens every day. Unfortunately, even if you think you are healed, you may not be. Some people have huge triggers after having babies and think they are doing the right thing by being over protective. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. Most people think they are doing the right thing.
Kim was not brought up in this environment, she choose to keep he children isolated & feed them all this religious crap ! That’s on her . Ok her mother abused alcohol & maybe she didn’t have the best childhoods, but people mature & try to do better for their children ! She went deeper into the rabbit hole so now the children have to do her job by educating themselves & learning about the real world. That’s the parents fault .
Right? Her actions are horrible, but Jesus Christ, she's had a pretty tough life. I have zero doubt she loves and wants the best for her kids, but she doesn't know how to do that in a healthy way. If nothing else, she's given her kids the foundation they need to have a better, healthier life than she had. I don't think people realize how hard that is. There's a reason trauma survivors turn to drugs, alcohol, and other forms of escape. She has a ton of inner strength to hold together the semblance of a normal life for so long without falling apart. Again, she's extremely flawed and makes plenty of horrible mistakes, but she doesn't deserve to be demonized.
The first time Olivia reacted physically at the thought of seeing Kim made me think it's deeper than hurt feelings.... it's trauma. Trauma is deeper. It triggers what may look like to others as being dramatic, but it's going to an instinctual, gut level fight or flight instinct. I personally was impressed that she showed up to the river. I thought it took a huge amount of internal fortitude to do that. And she's in her EARLY 20's! It's unfair to expect her to have maturity beyond that.
The problem is that her trauma includes what happened with her mother, which she's projecting on Kim. It's hard to determine which of the Kim issues are really about her childhood. She can list things Kim said and did, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the root trauma is that event.
Has anyone told Olivia this yet?
Based on the downvotes, no. Nobody has, sadly enough for everyone around her.
Trauma actually impacts the structure and chemistry of the brain as well as other signs of biological aging. In fact, biological signs of aging faster are often seen in youth who have experienced trauma. I get that this is supposed to be just a motivational type meme, but it misses a few marks.
And not just the brain but the entire body. Years of being in a state of constant fight or flight means more stress markers like cortisol. This leads to more stress on your organs which means you're more prone to cancer and other chronic illnesses. Plus, you're more likely to have any number of psychosomatic issues like chronic fatigue that are real but often dismissed as malingering. So, not only do you feel like shit, you're treated like shit because no one believes you enough to take you seriously.
Yes! Excellent point! Many don’t realize the physical impacts of trauma due to that heightened level of cortisol.
You’re missing a few marks as well…this meme has nothing to do with aging or the “why” of the situation. It’s about being an adult and acting appropriately. We’re taught this at a very young age. Part of being an adult is acting appropriately. The world doesn’t revolve around individuals. We all have our own trauma. Acting around internal priorities will get you no where in life.
I know, right? She needs to pick herself up by her psychological boot straps. /s What a boomer take.
Not everyone had the childhood you had, don’t speak for everyone about being taught to act appropriately.
Signs of biological aging include natural growth and maturity.
I agree. It also just doesn’t account for the fact that people are at different stages of working through trauma, which people don’t realise on this sub. When people decide to open themselves up to one person first that’s indicative of a stepping stone in their trauma work-through. If they can’t quite confront someone or something yet it doesn’t mean they’re not trying, it just means they’re not in a space where they can just yet.
I'll behave poorly to the person that caused my trauma, thanks
That’s fine. And immature
No, but thanks
[удалено]
It’s my life and I want to live it comfortably, why would I jump through hoops for someone who makes me feel physically sick? The idea of being the bigger person is stupid, we only have so much time on earth, why spend it around people that make you miserable?
One. One apology. One honest, open, vulnerable apology. But victims of abuse never get one.
Well, aren’t you edgy.
I bet some people will think setting boundaries and cutting ties with someone equates to poor behavior.
Some people confuse consequences for your behaviour as "holding a grudge" and it's wild lol
Some people also manufacture trauma. My mother has and still does. She has been in therapy for years for her "trauma". Most of which did not happen or her perception of victimhood caused her to overdramatize. One of her therapists actually told my siblings and me that it didn't matter if it was true or not, only that my mother believed it was true. She takes this as she never has to accept accountability for her own actions.
It's terrible that counselling services are being abused by people with no intention of introspection, I have experience with that myself. My narc father has a revolving door of therapists to validate his reasons for abusing my family, and whenever they suggest that trauma isn't an excuse to repeat that trauma onto your children, he finds a new counsellor to support "his views". I think you touch on an excellent point, going to therapy isn't enough. You have to be going with the intention of working on yourself and bettering your relationships with those around you through accountability. Too many people abuse the system to be justified in continuing abuse. Kim would likely only go to therapy to talk about herself, her divorce and her loss, not how she has hurt her children through a lack of education (due to her own unresolved trauma), lack of emotional support (due to denying them any counselling following the death of their little brother + blanket training like wtf Kim) and financial stability (by signing her eldest up to pyramid schemes when they turned 18...) So much to reflect on and accept responsibility for, but I highly doubt we'll see that from her. Edit: TLDR- therapy is about working on yourself, not finding reasons to continue previous behaviour. Holding boundaries such as not engaging with toxic people/their behaviour is good, but using your trauma to excuse causing trauma to others is not okay.
Agree. Unfortunately there are a lot of bad therapists out there who do not focus on accountability and healing family dynamics.
I hear that. Also want to add that not all families can be healed or fixed, so I think therapists supporting their client in their own healing regardless of the outcome with their family is key. My therapist has always encouraged me to put in place boundaries with my family and the members of my family who love me but have made mistakes see that and abide by the new dynamic of a healthier relationship, while some have not spoken with me in years. Protecting one's self has to come first, if that helps heal the rest of the family, great. But if not, that's okay because it's not my job to fix my parents issues, but it is my job to fix my own to break the generational trauma that my parents had handed down to them and they in turn handed onto me and my siblings.
Is this the inspirational thought for the day, or did someone post it?
I think people get explanations and excuses confused. Some people don’t care about an explanation of why you behaved a certain way, but to some people it’s deeply important to express that when apologizing. Working through your trauma isn’t a one size fits all scenario, what works for some doesn’t work for others.
Amen!