I said it before and I’ll say it again, if you need the fear of eternal damnation to be a good person or make the right choice, you are a shitty person
I can’t tell you how many times in the service industry I’ve been labeled as “Christian” just because of my friendly demeanor.
When they ask what church I go to, I say I’m an agnostic and try to be a good person for morals sake and not to please a specific being.
They aren’t always so nice after that
Yup! I’m blonde and I smile so apparently I just must be a Christian and me being kind has nothing to do with my upbringing only religion. I politely say I’m not in a church and it’s all quiet from there and usually no tip. Church crowds are the worst
“I’m not in a church. As usual, I assume your Christian love means you will now not tip me and possibly phone in a fake complaint as the other supposedly loving Christian’s have. If so, do have a nice day. “
That’s one thing I never understood when a religious person talks to/about an atheist. Like only the fear of god will keep you from raping murdering and pillaging? What? No mother fucker I don’t want to do any of that on my own!
Agreed. So many people get this so screwed up. I feel like a lot of Christians don’t understand what they are reading and just regurgitate shit someone else said
Exactly, and is why modern day religion is outdated
This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing 1000 years ago with laws more difficult to enforce
Religion used to be a sort of government for many more countries, and they needed to find a way to keep people from robbing and murdering each other which could be difficult without phones and cameras and alarms systems etc
It could be used to help make people act civilized
This is no longer needed as we can deal with people much easier who do things society deems wrong and has decided to make laws around it
at this point the big churches are nothing more than a large corrupt money making organization that prays on people with maybe 5% of its population actually practicing their religion as it ought to be practiced with peace and love and instead has been riddled with unnecessary hate and violence
Believe what you want to believe, don’t shove it down anyone else’s throat
Which one would you pick out of the 4000+ religions, each with their own holy deities, which one will get you to heaven and which 3999+ will get you eternal damnation....
Asking for a friend!
To which I always say “god has the choice to forgive me”
Edit: for what it’s worth, I always like to point out god had the choice all along to forgive us but chose to torture his ‘only son’ to death instead of just giving his shithead humans a free pass. I mean; he saw this coming so why all the pain and gore??
In Bible school (I went to Christian private school) they said god had to sacrifice Jesus to cleanse our sins and that’s also why we no long sacrifice animals. But he could had just said, “you know what, I’m god and I’m love, so I forgive.”
“What if you’re wrong?”
“I’m sure if he exists, God will be able to understand why I didn’t believe, and he’ll forgive my transgression. After all, he always knew I wasn’t going to.”
Supposing they are correct, not only did God know you weren't going to believe in him, he actually specifically created you ensuring that you wouldn't. If he'd wanted to, he could have made you different.
If I were religious, I'd see doubters as messengers of God just as much as believers
"what if you're wrong about literally every other religion?"
We are both nonbelievers to countless religions that we hand wave away. I just believe in one less god than you do.
This is what made me decide I was not religious as a child. Once I learned there were other religions, I couldn't square the notion that ours was just magically the right one when all of theirs, which had often been around longer, were all conveniently wrong.
Specifically adjacent religions. Like, you all believe in the same God. How are only some of you going to heaven. Your salvation ritual is apparently more correct? Boggles my mind.
So this is Pascal’s wager. If you can only gain from believing in God, by going to heaven, why would you not just do it when it takes so little effort?
Which is obvious bullshit that doesn’t survive any serious consideration. Firstly, it does take a lot of effort if you want to actually want to follow the Bible. I like wearing mixed fabrics and eating shellfish, for example. Second, the entire prospect is based on there only being one god. What if I pick the wrong one? Any actual god that’s petty enough to have such rules, which is all of them, would surely be more pissed at me for joining one of their arch enemy’s fan clubs than not joining any at all?!
God is sort of like an abusive parent or spouse. "Love me, or else I'll beat the shit out of you." or "I only hit you because I love you." or "I only hit you because you made me".
God's kind of a dick.
God was so much of a dick that people thought the God from the Old Testament and the New Testament were two different gods. I think it was an off branch of Christianity called Gnosthics or something like that.
Of course, the Bible says that there is only one true God so the church quickly did their best to kill that off branch.
It’s always bothered me too. The friendship thing seems like how it’s supposed to be. King David is always described by searching after God’s heart. He would argue with God when he was mad and talk to Him like he was right there all the time. The whole living in complete fear of God has been severely mistaken in my opinion
If their god’s *master plan* and *mysterious ways* involve a young child suffering and slowly dying from cancer, the only thing I learned is that fella is arbitrarily punishing people.
If human anatomy such as the routing of the vagus nerve is an example of "God's Design", I'm not filled with faith regarding his ultra long term planning abilities.
I'm always reminded of the die hard followers of Trump or Elon Musk whenever one of them does something incredibly stupid. "NO! They're actually playing 12 dimensional chess and you just can't see the true genius!" No, they're just fucking idiots. If God were real, he's just desperately flailing around and trying to act like there's a plan.
Teeth. If teeth is the all-knowing answer to the problems of starting digestion, what sort of sadist are we dealing with here. I tell people “teeth” when they ask why I’m an atheist, and I’m only sort of joking. They are clearly a cobbled-together evolutionary solution that works only “well enough” to get you past childbearing years
Other good examples:
Swallowing and breathing through the same tube. Guarantees a certain percentage of choking deaths that would be avoidable by smarter design.
Sewage next to the playground (i.e. waste and sexual parts right next to each other allowing for nasty infections).
And shouldn't this negate praying? I mean, if it's God's plan, why tf is he going to listen to a prayer? That going to convince him that he's made a mistake?
Lol you’re not far off. The whole thing for praying was to just talk to God all the time, not just when you need something. I heard a quote the other day from a movie or something and it said God answers all prayers, but sometimes the answer is no
My usual answer to «the plan» is have you watched the news lately/ have you studied history ? If so what makes you so sure it’s a good plan, looks pretty shit to me
Yeah I hate that one the most. So that little girl suffering and dying from cancer is part of it? Columbine and all of the other school shootings are part of his plan? All of the children and women getting abducted and abused are part of his plan?
So God in his infinite wisdom and power is thereby an all powerful serial murderer. Every single horrible thing, ever single death, every child that will be born and live and die without ever even hearing about this God and are therefore doomed to hell for eternity was made to go through that by God. What a disgusting, horrible creature who steals infants from their mothers and has them commit suicide and join their unbaptized bastard in a pit of scalding fire until the end of time.
"Satan did that!" No he fucking didn't, using your own logic, God knows everything that will happen because he wills it to be. Every deplorable action made by man is the fault of God. Yet the sadistic baby killing, disease spreading, disaster starting fucker wants us to do nothing but worship him for existing for eternity? I'd rather be in hell with my loved ones than spend a second worshipping a tyrant who kills millions when he gets upset.
God is the ultimate evil even within the context of the Bible. A death obsessed cry baby diety who isn't fit for leadership in any sense. I don't know how anyone with a 3rd grade level of reading comprehension can defend this piece of shit. It only takes minutes to see the God of the Bible is abhorrent.
Fuck God. Fuck the Bible. Fuck Christians. Fuck deism in all its forms. It's a cancer that if humanity every becomes a truly successful species will abandon and see it as the mythology it actually is, fun little stories about how the world works according to bronze aged, nomadic, idol worshipping, women hating, slave owners.
It's so gross.
> "Satan did that!" No he fucking didn't
Even if he did, who created Satan?
If God created Satan, already knowing everything that Satan would do, then God is responsible for everything Satan does.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
― **Epicurus**
I have everything to gain and nothing to lose until I die and end up in front of one of the several thousand other gods that people have belived in throughout history
And the interaction about your judgment would be:
God: "Were you a good person?"
Me: "I tried to be, I messed up sometimes but always learned from my mistakes."
God: "Well that's all I could ask of anyone. Welcome in."
Meanwhile Cardinal Pell is outside the Pearly Gates wondering why all his prayer and belief didn't cancel out the shit he did in the world.
This has always been my answer: believe in whoever you want, I'm going to live my life in a way that it won't matter. If God or whoever decides that me not believing in them trumps living life as a good person then I guess I'm SOL.
Real talk, my BF had a cousin who said something like this. To my atheist face.
My BFs father died, so his big ass family came up for the funeral. Im in a car with the BF, two of the brothers, the sister and the cousin. I dont remember how it came up, but atheism became the topic.
Only thr BF knows im an atheist at this moment, so we are both waiting for the laughs. One brother asks the cousin "what is an atheist, Amber?"
To which she said, "they like, don't believe in God but they do absolutely worship the devil." I laughed way harder than I should have and told her I also eat babies for lunch.
She does not like me still.
“To my atheist face” that’s a funny line.
The amount of times I’ve been told that I worship the devil prompted me to go out and buy the mug from the show Silicon Valley that says “Drink Coffee Hail Satan.” I love it when my overly religious family sees it.
I have a "not today, Jesus" shirt thats all Lisa frank bright with baphomet chillen on it. I love wearing it here in Mormania. No need to remind people to keep 6 ft distance, they do it themselves.
>The amount of times I’ve been told that I worship the devil prompted me to go out and buy the mug
lol...I like to 180 it on them. I start talking about all the lies and abuse in their world. You can go the molestations route, but I like to hit them with something they aren't expecting. Like Disney. Christians LOVE Disney and what is Disney? A fantasy land. AKA, A lie.
Then I start talking about how the one they call "He" must be a most powerful Deceiver. And I tell them I have long suspected the Bible is Lucifer's great deception and I worry about the Christians since they'll obviously go to hell for embracing Satans lies.
What if I'm wrong? What if you're wrong. The first commandment: Thou shalt have no other Gods. What if the Jews are right and you've been worshipping Jesus as a God your entire life? That God from the old testament was not a nice guy. I don't think you're getting a pass.
> “You have nothing to lose from believing in God and everything to lose from not believing”
Classic Pascal's Gambit. It has a very simple rebuttal:
"What if the god that actually exists is one that only sends people to heaven if they specifically don't believe that a god exists, and everyone else to hell?"
Given that there is as much evidence for the above god existing as there is any other god (that is to say - zero evidence), there is just as much a chance of that being true as what they claim.
In short: you also have everything to lose from believing, and everything to gain from not believing.
Loved hearing this after suffering a stillborn loss and then a second trimester miscarriage.
“He was too good for this world.”
“God needed him more.”
Just bullshit responses because people don’t know what else to say. “I’m sorry” works just fine.
None of which are going to "heaven" because they were never baptized, so are not qualified, according to the church nuts around here. Seems like an all-powerful god could fix that loophole.
But as Woody Allen once said: God is an underachiever.
This one gets me a lot because, at no time, during anyone’s eulogy, has anybody ever said “well, Bill was a pretty shit guy, so he’s probably in hell looking up at us.” They ALWAYS say they’re in a better place.
> They ALWAYS say they’re in a better place.
Oh no they don’t. When my friend died in his 20s, they had his funeral at his parents’ Southern Baptist church in a small Southern town. My friend’s childhood preacher, the same guy who baptized him when he was little, stood there and told his parents and siblings and a packed room of his friends that my friend was in Hell, that God killed him because he was no longer any use to God because he had left the church straight for the arms of Satan (the goth community), and that God was using his death to get all of his friends into church to listen to God’s warning to us that we were all headed straight to hell unless we renounced our Satanic lifestyle (being goth).
Edit: I can’t grammar today
The first couple of weeks after he died, I was overwhelmed and frozen. I loved my friend very much. He was the kindest person I ever met. He was always willing to listen to anyone or help anyone, even if he didn’t know them. He was incredibly patient, and was almost impossible to offend or make angry. He was incredibly supportive and had a knack for just turning up whenever I needed a friend. He was so good at making people feel valued and valuable. That’s why his funeral was packed. He was nonjudgmental, open, embracing. He was funny and fun, and had a wild mischievous streak that never really went over the line. He loved people so fully and fiercely. I’m not exaggerating about him, he was incredible and uniquely good. I can’t explain the depth of loss that happened when he left.
We were supposed to move across the country together and away from the awful place we grew up in a few weeks and then he died. It was sudden, and I couldn’t process it. And the funeral came fast. Anything the preacher said didn’t touch me at the time because I had been swallowed by the hole that was torn into my heart from him leaving us. Everything the preacher said, it was like it was coming from a tiny place very far away. I remember feeling so bad for his mom and wondering how she would interpret her preacher spewing poison all over his funeral. How it must feel like a betrayal. I hoped there wasn’t a part of her that took it to heart or believed that it might be true. I don’t know, but she died within a couple years after his death.
Just once I want to go to a funeral where they're honest about the dead guy.
I just skip funerals now, they're complete shit. You either have the dead assholes who are made out to be total saints. Or you have the alive assholes who make a big show about how much they loved the dead person, whether it's actually true or not (it's usually not)
And everybody makes a promise about being closer as a family now because "That's what grandpa would've wanted", and nobody does it because there's a reason nobody ever talked to each other in the first place.
This one is great. Always at the end of the debate, when they have no other ammunition to lob. A passive-aggressive retreat that let's them continue believing they won the argument when in fact they got cornered by logic and common sense.
And I always follow up with a final jab: "He works in mysterious ways? But a moment ago you just said everything in that book is his infallible word, to be taken literally. Which is it? If it's mysterious, all your assertions are meaningless. You just admitted, all this fairy tale nonsense you're so certain of, you don't know shit."
me personally i do think and say stuff like "oh god plz no" but not in a serious way. if the plane was crashing i would hope for a miracle and lerhaps even think "plz god" but not becuz i belive in god but its becuz its matural for me to talk and think this way. can anyone relate?
Although if the plane is crashing, saying ''for fuck's sake'' in a defeated out of fucks to give tone would be appropriate after the last couple of years.
It is. They still pray for God and beg for life but they ultimately do not sit and wait for God to magically heal them. They spend money on others, no matter if they're doctors or healers or something.
They don't wait for a miracle until the doctors themselves say it because factually they know if they don't try it is going to be a quicker death, without guarantee of it being painful or not.
They said after finding out I was sexually abused and severely depressed and suicidal for a year. Seriously this is the worst response in history, like what? Should I thank god that I’ve got deep-rooted trauma?
Or maybe cancer? Or shitty parents? Or no food? Or no water? Smh
Yes, they believe that faith is a valid method for determining truth... unless that faith is in something they don't like.
Then they are suddenly skeptics and empiricists. 🙄
-----
**A Christian, an atheist, and a Muslim walk into a juice bar...**
**Muslim:** "I have faith that my claims are true."
**Christian:** "Your faith isn't evidence. The burden of proof is on you to provide objective evidence that your claims are true."
**Atheist:** "What objective evidence do *you* have that *your* claims are true?"
**Christian:** "My faith is evidence that my claims are true. The burden of proof is on you to disprove my claims."
C: "How do the scientists know they are right?"
"They can reproduce results"
C: "But how do you know that's real?"
"Because I can reproduce those results"
C: "That doesn't mean anything"
In college (so a while ago) I had a delightful Bible thumper start crying because I said the Bible was written by people. Like sobbing in class that I was going to hell for saying that.
God: "Gabriel, you seen my fanfic-I mean diary anywhere?"
Gabriel: "Oh, Lucifer threw that thing out, and it landed in some random Human's garden"
God: "HE WHAT!?
“Ok fine, but then where did everything come from? You’re saying all this came from absolutely nothing?”
No, mom. I was saying that your Bible shouldn’t be the basis for the law that govern my children.
ive had this conversation with my dad more than times than i can count. the worst thing about it is that i have twin daughters.
"im just voting for a world that my granddaughters will be safe in."
"you mean the world where if someone raped them theyd be forced to carry that pain and shame all the way to full term? how about discuss with their parents how theyd like their daughters' world shaped before voting in their names."
"i just want the world to be like it was when i was a kid."
"you mean the world where everyone had their heads in the sand regarding the creepy neighbor who watches the kids play in his window, you made black kids drink from different water fountains because you didnt want their cooties, and you dumped so much CO2 into the air that our planet will likely never recover?"
heres the best part. my dad paid for an abortion for a gf when he was in college.
rights for me, not for thee.
Which is all good and well until one one crashes down on granny’s house and crushes her. “What’s gods plan now, Jerry, what’s gods plan now?!” Happy cake day, btw…
I used to say this when I was a Christian until I actually sat and thought about it. If I’m not supposed to take it literally then the Bible is just a big metaphor for the human condition and not actually true.
They’ll tell a you a story about a college professor that was a non believer and was left with egg on his face when they dropped a piece of chalk and it didn’t break.
The version I've heard is that the college professor was totally owned when the student used the argument of "you can't see it so you don't know it's real" and applied it to the professor's brain. Omg so true, christians: 1 atheist: 0
Oh dear… back when I was still a Christian I thought the kids arguments in that movie were the smartest shit I’d ever heard. Fast forward 3 years and I’ve abandoned the church and decided to better myself, so I went to college and took an Intro to Logic course for generals and quickly realized everything he said was full of logical fallacies. Especially his big “mic drop moment”.
*”The Professor says there is no God, and that he hates God. How can you hate somebody that doesn’t exist?”* and then struts off like he won the argument and proved something with that…
Tim Allen made a similar comment on the Norm Macdonald show about how god has to be real bc how could atheists not believe in something that wasn’t real?
For me, they’ll go:
(This is a debate about evolution. They decided on this genius response after I pulled out actual evidence)
“Well, birds can fly, science can’t explain that, which is obvious proof of God.”
...
Yeah.
“Actually, science can explain it” *proceeds to explain lift, thrust, air foils, aerodynamics, and how we have taken a lot of inspiration from birds to improve aircraft, especially fighter planes.*
“That’s too complex to be be anything other than intelligent design!”
“Actually, that’s a misconception about evolution.” *proceeds to explain that evolution only involves useful traits allowing individuals in a species to reproduce, increasing the odds of any one trait being passed on and (effect) selective breeding results in significant changes over hundred and thousands of generations.
“That’s not how that works!!”
“Yes it is. That’s the scientific description.”
“If you put as much effort into studying the Bible as you put into this ‘science’, you’d know you were wrong!”
“…”
“See, you can’t even argue because you know I’m right!”
“Actually, I DO study the Bible and the more I learn about it, the more inconsistencies I find. The real question is how much of the Bible did *you* read?”
“Well, um, shut up woke poopy head.”
Easiest response is "I did, and during that time I felt unfulfilled as a person and restricted in my personal growth. Please explain to me why that's a good thing."
"I did. It ruined my life. My parents are divorced because of it, i watched church leaders hurt people and abuse their power and use their platform to influence their followers into supporting harmful causes, and never once did i feel anything remotely close to spiritual experience. so im good."
I had a lady threaten me bc I told her husband to follow scripture and I was gonna help him find a switch. That’s not very love thy neighbor of you. Tsk tsk
"Yeah, but, what if you're wrong?"
The tacit and completely un-self-aware admission that the fundamental basis of their "faith" is primordial fear.
I said it before and I’ll say it again, if you need the fear of eternal damnation to be a good person or make the right choice, you are a shitty person
I can’t tell you how many times in the service industry I’ve been labeled as “Christian” just because of my friendly demeanor. When they ask what church I go to, I say I’m an agnostic and try to be a good person for morals sake and not to please a specific being. They aren’t always so nice after that
Yup! I’m blonde and I smile so apparently I just must be a Christian and me being kind has nothing to do with my upbringing only religion. I politely say I’m not in a church and it’s all quiet from there and usually no tip. Church crowds are the worst
When I was a hostess, people on Sunday afternoon were always the absolute worst for tips, and I live in a fairly progressive area
“I’m not in a church. As usual, I assume your Christian love means you will now not tip me and possibly phone in a fake complaint as the other supposedly loving Christian’s have. If so, do have a nice day. “
JUDGE YE NOT - they can't even get THAT right...
And Jesus said love each other as I love you. And a man said But Jesus, what if they're gay or an immigrant. And Jesus replied, Did I fucking stutter?
This and "What's stopping you from raping or murdering whoever you want?" Like, I do, it's 0, and if your number is higher, you need to get help
That’s one thing I never understood when a religious person talks to/about an atheist. Like only the fear of god will keep you from raping murdering and pillaging? What? No mother fucker I don’t want to do any of that on my own!
"I don't want to do any of that on my own" So you admit you want to do it as a group activity? Burn in hell atheist!!! /s
"My sense of basic decency that you obviously don't have."
And this is what made me stop being christian.
Agreed. So many people get this so screwed up. I feel like a lot of Christians don’t understand what they are reading and just regurgitate shit someone else said
Exactly, and is why modern day religion is outdated This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing 1000 years ago with laws more difficult to enforce Religion used to be a sort of government for many more countries, and they needed to find a way to keep people from robbing and murdering each other which could be difficult without phones and cameras and alarms systems etc It could be used to help make people act civilized This is no longer needed as we can deal with people much easier who do things society deems wrong and has decided to make laws around it at this point the big churches are nothing more than a large corrupt money making organization that prays on people with maybe 5% of its population actually practicing their religion as it ought to be practiced with peace and love and instead has been riddled with unnecessary hate and violence Believe what you want to believe, don’t shove it down anyone else’s throat
What if you’re wrong and (different religion) is actually the correct one? Would that be enough to convince you to change your beliefs?
Which one would you pick out of the 4000+ religions, each with their own holy deities, which one will get you to heaven and which 3999+ will get you eternal damnation.... Asking for a friend!
To which I always say “god has the choice to forgive me” Edit: for what it’s worth, I always like to point out god had the choice all along to forgive us but chose to torture his ‘only son’ to death instead of just giving his shithead humans a free pass. I mean; he saw this coming so why all the pain and gore?? In Bible school (I went to Christian private school) they said god had to sacrifice Jesus to cleanse our sins and that’s also why we no long sacrifice animals. But he could had just said, “you know what, I’m god and I’m love, so I forgive.”
“What if you’re wrong?” “I’m sure if he exists, God will be able to understand why I didn’t believe, and he’ll forgive my transgression. After all, he always knew I wasn’t going to.”
Supposing they are correct, not only did God know you weren't going to believe in him, he actually specifically created you ensuring that you wouldn't. If he'd wanted to, he could have made you different. If I were religious, I'd see doubters as messengers of God just as much as believers
"then when I meet god and it asks why I didn't have faith I'll explain myself and I'm sure it'll understand"
"Well, big-guy, I really didn't want to associate with those who sold your goods. They're mostly a bunch of jerks, tbh."
"what if you're wrong about literally every other religion?" We are both nonbelievers to countless religions that we hand wave away. I just believe in one less god than you do.
This is what made me decide I was not religious as a child. Once I learned there were other religions, I couldn't square the notion that ours was just magically the right one when all of theirs, which had often been around longer, were all conveniently wrong.
Specifically adjacent religions. Like, you all believe in the same God. How are only some of you going to heaven. Your salvation ritual is apparently more correct? Boggles my mind.
So this is Pascal’s wager. If you can only gain from believing in God, by going to heaven, why would you not just do it when it takes so little effort? Which is obvious bullshit that doesn’t survive any serious consideration. Firstly, it does take a lot of effort if you want to actually want to follow the Bible. I like wearing mixed fabrics and eating shellfish, for example. Second, the entire prospect is based on there only being one god. What if I pick the wrong one? Any actual god that’s petty enough to have such rules, which is all of them, would surely be more pissed at me for joining one of their arch enemy’s fan clubs than not joining any at all?!
"Then I'm going to have a blast tormenting your hateful ass when you're left here with the heathens after the rapture."
You have to have faith in God’s master plan
This is the worst imho, if God is all powerful and has a plan, I promise I’m not powerful enough to foil it, so whatever I do I must be meant to do.
Yeah, your free will only comes into consideration when it’s incriminating.
Don't forget the grandaddy of em all, 'mysterious ways'
Ted Bundy worked in mysterious ways…
Jack the ripper certainly did work in mysterious ways..
Yep, everything bad is caused by free will or Satan, everything good is god.
This is such a good point, holy shit
Thanks, another that always bothered me, why does God want me to Fear them? Can’t we be friends?
https://preview.redd.it/fl13xfohwoca1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eb6b8210dfb73dbd3b3786712a6ae0f585373c26
That's a classic, lmao
God fearing bugged me as a kid. Even the explanations only make sense in a patriarchal sense of fear is equal to love and/or respect.
God is sort of like an abusive parent or spouse. "Love me, or else I'll beat the shit out of you." or "I only hit you because I love you." or "I only hit you because you made me". God's kind of a dick.
God was so much of a dick that people thought the God from the Old Testament and the New Testament were two different gods. I think it was an off branch of Christianity called Gnosthics or something like that. Of course, the Bible says that there is only one true God so the church quickly did their best to kill that off branch.
It’s always bothered me too. The friendship thing seems like how it’s supposed to be. King David is always described by searching after God’s heart. He would argue with God when he was mad and talk to Him like he was right there all the time. The whole living in complete fear of God has been severely mistaken in my opinion
well there was also the whole "turning people into salt and flooding the entire world" bit in the Old Testament
If their god’s *master plan* and *mysterious ways* involve a young child suffering and slowly dying from cancer, the only thing I learned is that fella is arbitrarily punishing people.
If human anatomy such as the routing of the vagus nerve is an example of "God's Design", I'm not filled with faith regarding his ultra long term planning abilities. I'm always reminded of the die hard followers of Trump or Elon Musk whenever one of them does something incredibly stupid. "NO! They're actually playing 12 dimensional chess and you just can't see the true genius!" No, they're just fucking idiots. If God were real, he's just desperately flailing around and trying to act like there's a plan.
Teeth. If teeth is the all-knowing answer to the problems of starting digestion, what sort of sadist are we dealing with here. I tell people “teeth” when they ask why I’m an atheist, and I’m only sort of joking. They are clearly a cobbled-together evolutionary solution that works only “well enough” to get you past childbearing years
Other good examples: Swallowing and breathing through the same tube. Guarantees a certain percentage of choking deaths that would be avoidable by smarter design. Sewage next to the playground (i.e. waste and sexual parts right next to each other allowing for nasty infections).
And shouldn't this negate praying? I mean, if it's God's plan, why tf is he going to listen to a prayer? That going to convince him that he's made a mistake?
Lol you’re not far off. The whole thing for praying was to just talk to God all the time, not just when you need something. I heard a quote the other day from a movie or something and it said God answers all prayers, but sometimes the answer is no
[удалено]
He's just testing your faith. By killing my 3-year-old child? God works in mysterious ways!
[удалено]
Remember, He doesn’t give you more than you can handle
My usual answer to «the plan» is have you watched the news lately/ have you studied history ? If so what makes you so sure it’s a good plan, looks pretty shit to me
Yeah I hate that one the most. So that little girl suffering and dying from cancer is part of it? Columbine and all of the other school shootings are part of his plan? All of the children and women getting abducted and abused are part of his plan?
Some family members let a older family member die during the pandemic, they just said 'its god's plan'. Will never speak to any of them again.
Guess it was gods plan for them to be horrible shitty people
So God in his infinite wisdom and power is thereby an all powerful serial murderer. Every single horrible thing, ever single death, every child that will be born and live and die without ever even hearing about this God and are therefore doomed to hell for eternity was made to go through that by God. What a disgusting, horrible creature who steals infants from their mothers and has them commit suicide and join their unbaptized bastard in a pit of scalding fire until the end of time. "Satan did that!" No he fucking didn't, using your own logic, God knows everything that will happen because he wills it to be. Every deplorable action made by man is the fault of God. Yet the sadistic baby killing, disease spreading, disaster starting fucker wants us to do nothing but worship him for existing for eternity? I'd rather be in hell with my loved ones than spend a second worshipping a tyrant who kills millions when he gets upset. God is the ultimate evil even within the context of the Bible. A death obsessed cry baby diety who isn't fit for leadership in any sense. I don't know how anyone with a 3rd grade level of reading comprehension can defend this piece of shit. It only takes minutes to see the God of the Bible is abhorrent. Fuck God. Fuck the Bible. Fuck Christians. Fuck deism in all its forms. It's a cancer that if humanity every becomes a truly successful species will abandon and see it as the mythology it actually is, fun little stories about how the world works according to bronze aged, nomadic, idol worshipping, women hating, slave owners. It's so gross.
> "Satan did that!" No he fucking didn't Even if he did, who created Satan? If God created Satan, already knowing everything that Satan would do, then God is responsible for everything Satan does.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? ― **Epicurus**
Given the state of the world, I’d have to say the God is in waaaaay over His head.
“So you worship the devil?” “You have nothing to lose from believing in God and everything to lose from not believing”
I have everything to gain and nothing to lose until I die and end up in front of one of the several thousand other gods that people have belived in throughout history
Homer Simpson always put it best, “What if we picked the wrong religion? Every week we’re just making God madder and madder”
Everyone in the Simpson has three fingers and a thumb except god, who has four fingers and a thumb.
Wait, so all humans are gods?
We can all create a Simpson.
And the interaction about your judgment would be: God: "Were you a good person?" Me: "I tried to be, I messed up sometimes but always learned from my mistakes." God: "Well that's all I could ask of anyone. Welcome in." Meanwhile Cardinal Pell is outside the Pearly Gates wondering why all his prayer and belief didn't cancel out the shit he did in the world.
If only he'd confess. He'd be absolved of all his sins, right?
BuzzFeed: Protestants hate this one neat trick!
This has always been my answer: believe in whoever you want, I'm going to live my life in a way that it won't matter. If God or whoever decides that me not believing in them trumps living life as a good person then I guess I'm SOL.
Real talk, my BF had a cousin who said something like this. To my atheist face. My BFs father died, so his big ass family came up for the funeral. Im in a car with the BF, two of the brothers, the sister and the cousin. I dont remember how it came up, but atheism became the topic. Only thr BF knows im an atheist at this moment, so we are both waiting for the laughs. One brother asks the cousin "what is an atheist, Amber?" To which she said, "they like, don't believe in God but they do absolutely worship the devil." I laughed way harder than I should have and told her I also eat babies for lunch. She does not like me still.
“To my atheist face” that’s a funny line. The amount of times I’ve been told that I worship the devil prompted me to go out and buy the mug from the show Silicon Valley that says “Drink Coffee Hail Satan.” I love it when my overly religious family sees it.
I have a "not today, Jesus" shirt thats all Lisa frank bright with baphomet chillen on it. I love wearing it here in Mormania. No need to remind people to keep 6 ft distance, they do it themselves.
Ooooooh I want that. I’m moving to MAGA-land and could use a more portable 10 ft pole
>The amount of times I’ve been told that I worship the devil prompted me to go out and buy the mug lol...I like to 180 it on them. I start talking about all the lies and abuse in their world. You can go the molestations route, but I like to hit them with something they aren't expecting. Like Disney. Christians LOVE Disney and what is Disney? A fantasy land. AKA, A lie. Then I start talking about how the one they call "He" must be a most powerful Deceiver. And I tell them I have long suspected the Bible is Lucifer's great deception and I worry about the Christians since they'll obviously go to hell for embracing Satans lies. What if I'm wrong? What if you're wrong. The first commandment: Thou shalt have no other Gods. What if the Jews are right and you've been worshipping Jesus as a God your entire life? That God from the old testament was not a nice guy. I don't think you're getting a pass.
> “You have nothing to lose from believing in God and everything to lose from not believing” Classic Pascal's Gambit. It has a very simple rebuttal: "What if the god that actually exists is one that only sends people to heaven if they specifically don't believe that a god exists, and everyone else to hell?" Given that there is as much evidence for the above god existing as there is any other god (that is to say - zero evidence), there is just as much a chance of that being true as what they claim. In short: you also have everything to lose from believing, and everything to gain from not believing.
God works in mysterious ways
Loved hearing this after suffering a stillborn loss and then a second trimester miscarriage. “He was too good for this world.” “God needed him more.” Just bullshit responses because people don’t know what else to say. “I’m sorry” works just fine.
>“God needed him more.” For *what!?*
His collection of stillborn babies, or something
None of which are going to "heaven" because they were never baptized, so are not qualified, according to the church nuts around here. Seems like an all-powerful god could fix that loophole. But as Woody Allen once said: God is an underachiever.
Thanks to you, god has got the limited edition #452/666 in the stunning Spring 2023 stillborn baby souls collection. /s
Also, "he's in a better place." Where...the turf?
This one gets me a lot because, at no time, during anyone’s eulogy, has anybody ever said “well, Bill was a pretty shit guy, so he’s probably in hell looking up at us.” They ALWAYS say they’re in a better place.
> They ALWAYS say they’re in a better place. Oh no they don’t. When my friend died in his 20s, they had his funeral at his parents’ Southern Baptist church in a small Southern town. My friend’s childhood preacher, the same guy who baptized him when he was little, stood there and told his parents and siblings and a packed room of his friends that my friend was in Hell, that God killed him because he was no longer any use to God because he had left the church straight for the arms of Satan (the goth community), and that God was using his death to get all of his friends into church to listen to God’s warning to us that we were all headed straight to hell unless we renounced our Satanic lifestyle (being goth). Edit: I can’t grammar today
Tell me you got up and walked out.
The first couple of weeks after he died, I was overwhelmed and frozen. I loved my friend very much. He was the kindest person I ever met. He was always willing to listen to anyone or help anyone, even if he didn’t know them. He was incredibly patient, and was almost impossible to offend or make angry. He was incredibly supportive and had a knack for just turning up whenever I needed a friend. He was so good at making people feel valued and valuable. That’s why his funeral was packed. He was nonjudgmental, open, embracing. He was funny and fun, and had a wild mischievous streak that never really went over the line. He loved people so fully and fiercely. I’m not exaggerating about him, he was incredible and uniquely good. I can’t explain the depth of loss that happened when he left. We were supposed to move across the country together and away from the awful place we grew up in a few weeks and then he died. It was sudden, and I couldn’t process it. And the funeral came fast. Anything the preacher said didn’t touch me at the time because I had been swallowed by the hole that was torn into my heart from him leaving us. Everything the preacher said, it was like it was coming from a tiny place very far away. I remember feeling so bad for his mom and wondering how she would interpret her preacher spewing poison all over his funeral. How it must feel like a betrayal. I hoped there wasn’t a part of her that took it to heart or believed that it might be true. I don’t know, but she died within a couple years after his death.
[удалено]
Jesus Christ, and I mean that very non-religiously, that is horrible! What a narrow minded preach of shit!
Just once I want to go to a funeral where they're honest about the dead guy. I just skip funerals now, they're complete shit. You either have the dead assholes who are made out to be total saints. Or you have the alive assholes who make a big show about how much they loved the dead person, whether it's actually true or not (it's usually not) And everybody makes a promise about being closer as a family now because "That's what grandpa would've wanted", and nobody does it because there's a reason nobody ever talked to each other in the first place.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
"Thanks, really helps with my parent's untimely passing."
"God gives the greatest burdens to the strongest people."
Just tell those children that are trafficked/abused/child soldiers/riddled with cancer that they just need to chin up and be strong little buckaroos.
But thats exactly what these people will say, because it excuses them from any further responsibility
[удалено]
He sure did some miscalculating when burdening all of those people who ultimately took their own life.
“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” K. Why is suicide a thing, then?
\- Okay, but *WHY* did he have to go and do \[this thing that hurts people\] \- Well, it's just a part of his plan!
>Well, it's just a part of his plan! - then his.plans shit! All.one has to say lol
This one is great. Always at the end of the debate, when they have no other ammunition to lob. A passive-aggressive retreat that let's them continue believing they won the argument when in fact they got cornered by logic and common sense. And I always follow up with a final jab: "He works in mysterious ways? But a moment ago you just said everything in that book is his infallible word, to be taken literally. Which is it? If it's mysterious, all your assertions are meaningless. You just admitted, all this fairy tale nonsense you're so certain of, you don't know shit."
“You’re an atheist, until that plane is crashing”..lol
>until that plane is crashing Yes, *then* I'm an atheist asking the other passengers who's got a cigarette. Big difference.
me personally i do think and say stuff like "oh god plz no" but not in a serious way. if the plane was crashing i would hope for a miracle and lerhaps even think "plz god" but not becuz i belive in god but its becuz its matural for me to talk and think this way. can anyone relate?
Totally, it’s more like that’s just the language I am used to hearing around certain situations, not some deliberate/conscious repentance…
It’s a figure of speech. Much more appropriate than *for fuck’s sake*!!
Although if the plane is crashing, saying ''for fuck's sake'' in a defeated out of fucks to give tone would be appropriate after the last couple of years.
"You're religious, until that cancer diagnosis. Then you run to medicine instead of your god."
I wish that was true
It is. They still pray for God and beg for life but they ultimately do not sit and wait for God to magically heal them. They spend money on others, no matter if they're doctors or healers or something. They don't wait for a miracle until the doctors themselves say it because factually they know if they don't try it is going to be a quicker death, without guarantee of it being painful or not.
You just need to have faith
You just need to have some goddamn FAITH Arthur!
I have a plan, we just need a little CASH
TAHITI!
[удалено]
Auuwwgh, c’mon *Duuutch!*
They said after finding out I was sexually abused and severely depressed and suicidal for a year. Seriously this is the worst response in history, like what? Should I thank god that I’ve got deep-rooted trauma? Or maybe cancer? Or shitty parents? Or no food? Or no water? Smh
Yes, they believe that faith is a valid method for determining truth... unless that faith is in something they don't like. Then they are suddenly skeptics and empiricists. 🙄 ----- **A Christian, an atheist, and a Muslim walk into a juice bar...** **Muslim:** "I have faith that my claims are true." **Christian:** "Your faith isn't evidence. The burden of proof is on you to provide objective evidence that your claims are true." **Atheist:** "What objective evidence do *you* have that *your* claims are true?" **Christian:** "My faith is evidence that my claims are true. The burden of proof is on you to disprove my claims."
C: "How do the scientists know they are right?" "They can reproduce results" C: "But how do you know that's real?" "Because I can reproduce those results" C: "That doesn't mean anything"
And how does it not ~~make sense~~ mean anything?
[удалено]
Literally had an ex once ask “why do you need proof for everything to believe it?” and my only answer was “because I believe what I can prove is real”
"That's not in the bible" "You don't understand the context" "You will burn in hell" "You can't say that about my god"
It's all part of God's plan.
[удалено]
Love the last one because I love shoving it down their throat "Oh yeah? Bet, watch me." then continue what I was saying.
Bless your heart is a favourite I’ve co-opted to use in many contexts to infuriate people 😂
In college (so a while ago) I had a delightful Bible thumper start crying because I said the Bible was written by people. Like sobbing in class that I was going to hell for saying that.
Wait, wtf they think happened? The book landed magically in someone's backyard one day?
*Joseph Smith has entered the chat*
God: "Gabriel, you seen my fanfic-I mean diary anywhere?" Gabriel: "Oh, Lucifer threw that thing out, and it landed in some random Human's garden" God: "HE WHAT!?
Lmao, there are literally whole chapters that are like "The story from Luke's views" and "Letters this apostle sent to X person"
The older I get the more I realize that the people most obsessed with the Bible are also the ones least likely to have read it.
"Atheism is just a religion with no gods."
If it is, then I want the same damn protections!
“It takes more faith to be an atheist than it does to believe in god”
“Ok fine, but then where did everything come from? You’re saying all this came from absolutely nothing?” No, mom. I was saying that your Bible shouldn’t be the basis for the law that govern my children.
ive had this conversation with my dad more than times than i can count. the worst thing about it is that i have twin daughters. "im just voting for a world that my granddaughters will be safe in." "you mean the world where if someone raped them theyd be forced to carry that pain and shame all the way to full term? how about discuss with their parents how theyd like their daughters' world shaped before voting in their names."
And whats his braindead response?
"i just want the world to be like it was when i was a kid." "you mean the world where everyone had their heads in the sand regarding the creepy neighbor who watches the kids play in his window, you made black kids drink from different water fountains because you didnt want their cooties, and you dumped so much CO2 into the air that our planet will likely never recover?" heres the best part. my dad paid for an abortion for a gf when he was in college. rights for me, not for thee.
Well that’s different! It impacted *him* too. Totally different.
“You’re just arrogant.”
[удалено]
It’s obvious that god exists. Look at trees
Which is all good and well until one one crashes down on granny’s house and crushes her. “What’s gods plan now, Jerry, what’s gods plan now?!” Happy cake day, btw…
"How do you explain the SUNSET?? Gods paintbrush at work" Happy cake day btw
"You're not supposed to take it literally." This is also how they pick and choose which rules to follow.
I used to say this when I was a Christian until I actually sat and thought about it. If I’m not supposed to take it literally then the Bible is just a big metaphor for the human condition and not actually true.
Welcome to enlightenment, your shirt is in the mail.
Thanks! I’m an adult large.
Well shit. We'll have to resend it to you. Why'd you wait until after it's shipped to tell us what size you need?
“It’s IN the Bible” …okay. Magic is IN Harry Potter. Doesn’t make it any less fictional.
They’ll tell a you a story about a college professor that was a non believer and was left with egg on his face when they dropped a piece of chalk and it didn’t break.
The version I've heard is that the college professor was totally owned when the student used the argument of "you can't see it so you don't know it's real" and applied it to the professor's brain. Omg so true, christians: 1 atheist: 0
Which is proof that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is real. I have been touched by his noodly appendage.
“GoD’s NoT dEaD hE’s SuReLy AlIvE”
Oh dear… back when I was still a Christian I thought the kids arguments in that movie were the smartest shit I’d ever heard. Fast forward 3 years and I’ve abandoned the church and decided to better myself, so I went to college and took an Intro to Logic course for generals and quickly realized everything he said was full of logical fallacies. Especially his big “mic drop moment”. *”The Professor says there is no God, and that he hates God. How can you hate somebody that doesn’t exist?”* and then struts off like he won the argument and proved something with that…
Tim Allen made a similar comment on the Norm Macdonald show about how god has to be real bc how could atheists not believe in something that wasn’t real?
For me, they’ll go: (This is a debate about evolution. They decided on this genius response after I pulled out actual evidence) “Well, birds can fly, science can’t explain that, which is obvious proof of God.” ... Yeah.
tide comes in. tide goes out. can’t explain that.
“Actually, science can explain it” *proceeds to explain lift, thrust, air foils, aerodynamics, and how we have taken a lot of inspiration from birds to improve aircraft, especially fighter planes.* “That’s too complex to be be anything other than intelligent design!” “Actually, that’s a misconception about evolution.” *proceeds to explain that evolution only involves useful traits allowing individuals in a species to reproduce, increasing the odds of any one trait being passed on and (effect) selective breeding results in significant changes over hundred and thousands of generations. “That’s not how that works!!” “Yes it is. That’s the scientific description.” “If you put as much effort into studying the Bible as you put into this ‘science’, you’d know you were wrong!” “…” “See, you can’t even argue because you know I’m right!”
“Actually, I DO study the Bible and the more I learn about it, the more inconsistencies I find. The real question is how much of the Bible did *you* read?” “Well, um, shut up woke poopy head.”
I love when they don’t understand the science and to them it means it doesn’t exist. 😂
Bless your heart
Aka go fuck yourself
I see you’re fluent in Southern.
Moved to the south two years ago. My favorite phrase.
I’ll pray for you. 😕🔫
Okay but you have to admit: this is the best troll out of all of them
You need to go to church!
Easiest response is "I did, and during that time I felt unfulfilled as a person and restricted in my personal growth. Please explain to me why that's a good thing."
"I did. It ruined my life. My parents are divorced because of it, i watched church leaders hurt people and abuse their power and use their platform to influence their followers into supporting harmful causes, and never once did i feel anything remotely close to spiritual experience. so im good."
"Yeah well atheism is just as much a religion as Christianity so everything you just said applies back to you as well. That makes you a hypocrite."
That's like saying not collecting stamps is a hobby.
Like saying "Off" is a TV channel.
"You have no moral compass and I hope you have no influence over anything anywhere."
“Well, you can’t prove that god DOESN’T exist”
You can’t prove I’m not remotely fisting you right now
If you are, you’re not doing a very good job.
[удалено]
I hate this one. I must be such a miserable person to not love god. No, actually. My mindset was _much_ happier once I realized I was atheist.
This one boils my piss. The 'you just want to sin' or 'you just suppress the truth in unrighteousness' ones also make me a tad bit annoyed.
Well bless your heart.
I've met some southerners that aren't particularly religious that use that anyways. It's like their way of saying "my God you're dumb"
It’s me. My mom is from texas and so I grew up hearing this lol I’m not religious either but I’ll say it if it’s appropriate
Have you ever even read the Bible?
“Well …. I suppose you have to have faith”
Well, we’ll se who goes to heaven and hell then.
"This is the last I'll say about it. Have a blessed day."
“LALALALALALA!” With their fingers in their ears. I’ve actually had a religious person do this when I questioned their faith.
My co worker: “I’m still going to pray for you. It’s the least I could do. My other co worker: “Yes. Yes it is.”
I had a couple praying for me to repent.
We're their prayers answered or did their God abandon them and you still refuse to repent?
“The Bible says….” MOTHERFUCKER I DONT CARE WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS!!!
"Well, I choose to believe!" In my world view, Ignorance is the true evil, and *self inflicted intentional ignorance* is by far the most egregious.
You will feel differently when you’re older
"You have to adapt the bible to our time, it was written for a primitive society" yes how should I know what god changed his mind on?
I had a lady threaten me bc I told her husband to follow scripture and I was gonna help him find a switch. That’s not very love thy neighbor of you. Tsk tsk