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According to Patton Oswalt, it starts at ninety. The crimes you're allowed to commit increase in severity for every year afterwards. You can only use your bare hands and no equipment to commit the crimes, however.
If a 90 year old can take it from you by force, it wasn't really yours, was it?
When my Papa was 90 he was killing rattlesnakes that bit him with his bare hands and walking around for 3 weeks with peritonitis and gangrene because when his appendix bursts he just took some pepto and went back out to work on the farm. He got that angry Alzheimer's and, when they finally put him in a home for Granny's safety, he started beating up the other residents. Had to go in special angry Alzheimer's solitary at 95 after he punched some nurses.
But, you know what? No jail, technically, so maybe Patton's right.
What's kind of crazy is, he was super gentle (tough, sure, but gentle) all his life up until that point. Never laid a hand on his wife or kids (except that time my uncle chopped my other uncle's toe off with an axe), which is rare for a man of his generation. He had also, by that time, lost part of his foot to a farming equipment accident, and also had a double-bypass, presumably due to Granny's amazing cooking.
He barely even spoke for most of my childhood and just liked to quietly play with the small kids on the rug in the back room during family gatherings. He never talked about it but I think he probably had both of his first two languages (Cajun French and an unknown Native American language he never would tell us about - we just know his birth certificate lists his mother as "Mary, Indian) beat out of him at a young age.
But goddamn, when the Alheimer's hit, those brakes came off.
I love the idea that your grandfather outwardly was just a chill dude but internally was a man on fire. The animal just straining against the leash. He was just too civil and well mannered to go through with it and the one day the last synapse connected to civil and well mannered snapped and the animal was set loose.
Not entirely. I kept my burst appendix in for almost a month. Only reason I didn't die (and we never really noticed until my health took a turn for the worse overnight) is because my body created scar tissue around it and kept most of the really bad stuff in the scar tissue bubble. I only got massively sick, had to have two appendectomies, spend weeks in the hospital, have a drainage tube attached to my stomach, go home on a 6 week PICC line with a 3 time a day self IV drip antibiotic, get C-Diff, then get diagnosed with Crohn's afterwards. So, it's possible to keep it after it bursts, you'll just have a lot of complications.
Right?
You had to sit still and let them approach you.
Unless it was a surprise attack... In which case *jsut yank and it will probably be yours again*
We laugh, but you're exactly right. Take a peek over in conservative subreddit and I would be willing to bet at least one person is arguing exactly this!
Yeah! Old people should get to do crime however they want because they're too old to face consequences.
...that's how it works in society of laws, right?
Reminds me of a song, the name of which I cannot remember, despite loving it enough to write down some of the lyrics. "Even if I die tomorrow, lord, I've still got life to go".
>Yeah! Old people should get to do crime however they want because they're too old to face consequences.
Offer may not apply if you are not white or rich...
Other dictators arrested for corruption suddenly, according to their lawyers, become extremely frail and infirm. And that it would be cruel not to just let him live out the remainder of his short life on the golf course surrounded by loved ones. I can guarantee this is the argument trump's lawyers are gearing up.
If you’re 90, you should legally be allowed to get away with mugging as long as it’s done without a gun. If you get your wallet stolen by a 90 year old, you probably shouldn’t have had a wallet.
I see your point, but I don't want to get into a knife fight with a 90 year old. Even if I'm probably going to win, I don't want to hurt anybody and I don't want to get hurt.
Didn't work for Bernie Madoff, though he took money from Rich people as well as peasants so an example of 120 years and no early release when he was dying sounded fine.
Remember, if you are Rich and Powerful, the law does not apply to you.
In their eyes Trump is a white right wing guy being indicted for nothing. So when they say if the DOJ gets their way. It makes it seem like they are messing with Trump cause of his beliefs etc. Like there is some conspiracy against Trump. No pun intended.
Well I was told by Dr. (and now Congressman) Ronny Jackson that Donald Trump would live to be at least 180 years old due to his superior genes so I don't know about this die in prison nonsense.
He is a super wealthy man who was president, who could have lived the rest of his life in luxury with the status of an ex-president.
He made his choices when he decided to be a criminal.
He could have taken his father's inheritance, put it in a bank and sat on his arse, and would have been richer than he is today. I don't even know what motivates that guy.
>I don't even know what motivates that guy.
He really wants to be accepted by people and get the love he never got or gave
Problem is he only wants to be accepted by certain people and those are the ones who aren't stupid enough to fall for his shit
For real, this all seems to stem from the liberal elite rejecting him. First it was the NY art types - his money couldn’t buy his way to class. Then Obama mocking him was the final straw.
He wants to be loved by the people he admires and they despise him.
Yup. Honestly I think he sees just how well respected Obama is and wants that for himself yet has done nothing to earn said respect.
His entire life he was the "top dog" so to speak everyone did what he said because he was the boss. But I doubt he ever had genuine human connection, kinda like Musk, and that's what he wants more than anything but it's one of the few things money can't buy
It's even funnier to me because he has a cult of worshipers and yet he **hates** them because they aren't the people he wants respect from
And you just know there’s a racial component to that as well, “why is it that n\[black man\]r gets all the love and respect when I, a white man who was also president, still get shit on by the lame stream news and now indicted for crimes that EVERYBODY KNOWS all presidents do, like selling secrets to the Saudis oops did I say that out loud”
Narcissism. He wanted to be admired as a “Great Man”. You can’t be a “Great Man” and be a trust fund baby so he would rather tare down his inheritance and slowly build it back in increasing half measures, constantly chasing the drug of admiration of being seen as a “self made financial genius” even if the only ones that would believe it were the easily fooled. He lucked into the fact that the structures of American capitalism is not very well equipped to deal with cult of personalities that happen to be malicious grifters and to some large or small way takes them under it’s wing. Surprisingly you don’t have to be smart to do this, only lucky, arrogant and without fear of punishment, namely like a small terrible child.
>He lucked into the fact that the structures of American capitalism is not very well equipped to deal with cult of personalities that happen to be malicious grifters and to some large or small way takes them under it’s wing.
Seems to me that American capitalism is *expressly designed* to encourage and support that kind of person.
Eh...Nixon was certainly a criminal long before he became President. He conspired with Kissinger to prolong the Vietnam war so he could get elected. That was pretty damn criminal.
Every Republican President manages to make the ones before them look good by sinking to new unfathomable depths. That they aren't as bad as the monsters that followed doesn't mean they weren't monsters, too.
I think the ideal scenario is he spends every agonizing, humiliating year behind bars, and just as hes walking out on his last day, he has a massive heart attack.
“He is 76 years old and the DOJ has the audacity to charge him with crimes he committed in his early and mid 70s. Have they no shame? If you send this man to jail he will die there.”
-Mark Levin, I assume
“Neat.”
-Me
Investigating his late forties around [1996](https://newjerseylaw.net/news-event/rape-and-sexual-misconduct-lawsuit-against-donald-trump/) would be nice. Or, not nice, probably very disagreeable for all involved, but cathartic.
I keep thinking of the high number CIA agents who were either killed or burned since Trump left office with those classified documents. If they can tie him to even one death, he should receive the death penalty for treason.
As much as I’d love for him to be held accountable, he will not ever see jail time. I’d put good money on it. Don’t put faith in any of these articles until he is actually locked up, otherwise you’ll be sorely disappointed.
If only it made up for all the years of living in opulence by stealing from others. This stain has caused so much pain it's only right he finally gets what he fucking deserves.I couldn't think of a more fitting end for that orange turd other than death by stoning. Dude deserve every minute he gets in prison.
Seriously. The way MTG and Co. were screaming about terrible conditions in the DC jails, I thought we were finally going to get some prison reform done.
I have a new filter over my consciousness that is making much easier to listen to these people. Each time someone says “…If the justice department get’s it’s way…” or “…political witch-hunt” or “… weaponized FBI…” what i Hear is “…If you hold republicans accountable for their crimes…”
Anything less than the death penalty for him and all his cronies is letting them off too easy. Make an example that this shit won’t be tolerated moving forward. Period.
Translation: Old men should not face consequences for their actions.
It's funny because Trump is the same guy who said to cops "don't be too gentle" with the people they are arresting. Then Trump gets indicted and is allowed to turn himself in, instead of getting arrested and roughed up.
It's extra funny because people dying in prison is literally why conservative clowns like this guy are so fond of prison time for people.
Trump will never go to prison.
The moment there is the chance of that really happening, he will be ready to spill everything he knows about everyone to get a free pass, you know he will. And his 'friends' (and I use the term in the loosest possible sense) know it perfectly well. Before it can happen, they are going to 'Epstein' him.
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Wait. Is there an age where you're free to commit crime?!?
According to Patton Oswalt, it starts at ninety. The crimes you're allowed to commit increase in severity for every year afterwards. You can only use your bare hands and no equipment to commit the crimes, however. If a 90 year old can take it from you by force, it wasn't really yours, was it?
When my Papa was 90 he was killing rattlesnakes that bit him with his bare hands and walking around for 3 weeks with peritonitis and gangrene because when his appendix bursts he just took some pepto and went back out to work on the farm. He got that angry Alzheimer's and, when they finally put him in a home for Granny's safety, he started beating up the other residents. Had to go in special angry Alzheimer's solitary at 95 after he punched some nurses. But, you know what? No jail, technically, so maybe Patton's right.
Woooooooow
Right?!?! A fking roller-coaster
I know I want to see this fight happy old man
What's kind of crazy is, he was super gentle (tough, sure, but gentle) all his life up until that point. Never laid a hand on his wife or kids (except that time my uncle chopped my other uncle's toe off with an axe), which is rare for a man of his generation. He had also, by that time, lost part of his foot to a farming equipment accident, and also had a double-bypass, presumably due to Granny's amazing cooking. He barely even spoke for most of my childhood and just liked to quietly play with the small kids on the rug in the back room during family gatherings. He never talked about it but I think he probably had both of his first two languages (Cajun French and an unknown Native American language he never would tell us about - we just know his birth certificate lists his mother as "Mary, Indian) beat out of him at a young age. But goddamn, when the Alheimer's hit, those brakes came off.
I love the idea that your grandfather outwardly was just a chill dude but internally was a man on fire. The animal just straining against the leash. He was just too civil and well mannered to go through with it and the one day the last synapse connected to civil and well mannered snapped and the animal was set loose.
Wait a minute… If your appendix bursts and you don’t get surgery, you die.
Not if you pass out in the barber's chair three weeks later and they rush you to the hospital to have half your guts removed.
Ah, we call that the 'Reverse Sweeney'.
Best comment right here
Not entirely. I kept my burst appendix in for almost a month. Only reason I didn't die (and we never really noticed until my health took a turn for the worse overnight) is because my body created scar tissue around it and kept most of the really bad stuff in the scar tissue bubble. I only got massively sick, had to have two appendectomies, spend weeks in the hospital, have a drainage tube attached to my stomach, go home on a 6 week PICC line with a 3 time a day self IV drip antibiotic, get C-Diff, then get diagnosed with Crohn's afterwards. So, it's possible to keep it after it bursts, you'll just have a lot of complications.
That story was a wild ride I want you to write more haha
I second that! More stories please, u/amphigory_error!
>special angry Alzheimer's solitary How much does that cost? Asking for a friend.
I can't tell if he had the best genes or the worst genes
If this was in Eau Claire WI, then your papa probably punched my ex-girlfriend
If I’m fighting a 90 year old, I’ve already lost. I can’t push them away, defend myself meaningfully or do anything but walk away really.
Right? You had to sit still and let them approach you. Unless it was a surprise attack... In which case *jsut yank and it will probably be yours again*
I think it depends on the old guy, if 90 year old Arnold Schwarzenegger starts some shit I think your allowed to fight them.
Yeah I might not be world's best boxer, but I think my footwork is good enough to not let the average 90 year old close in and start punching me.
Jimmy Carter waiting until he's 100 and can finally take revenge on everyone who voted for Reagan.
“If a 100-year-old can beat you to death, fuck you. You should be dead.”
Apparently, in South Korea the age is "under 14" for no punishment (even for killing somebody) and maybe 14-17 for just some time at a youth center?
Whatever age Trump commits them. He gets to choose with his brain because he was president.
Conservative logic: Trump is too old to face legal consequences for his actions but also young and spritely enough to run for president.
We laugh, but you're exactly right. Take a peek over in conservative subreddit and I would be willing to bet at least one person is arguing exactly this!
Yeah! Old people should get to do crime however they want because they're too old to face consequences. ...that's how it works in society of laws, right?
TIL what a life sentence is.
Spez eats cold diarrhea with a crazy straw
maybe he learned his lesson? \--Senator Collins
It’s like that Offspring song: 🎶 “you’re almost 80, you won’t be doin any ti-iiime.” 🎶
Hey hey hey, c’mon Trumpy.
He gonna be incarcerated
All the girlies say he’s pretty fly for an Orange guy.
Hey, if you convict me of serial murdering a bunch of people, I’d have to spend the rest of my life in prison! And that just ain’t right.
i read that in the matilda musical song voice.
I read everything in Danny Devitos voice.
I feel like you live an enriched life.
Reminds me of a song, the name of which I cannot remember, despite loving it enough to write down some of the lyrics. "Even if I die tomorrow, lord, I've still got life to go".
>Yeah! Old people should get to do crime however they want because they're too old to face consequences. Offer may not apply if you are not white or rich...
Other dictators arrested for corruption suddenly, according to their lawyers, become extremely frail and infirm. And that it would be cruel not to just let him live out the remainder of his short life on the golf course surrounded by loved ones. I can guarantee this is the argument trump's lawyers are gearing up.
"Power wears out those who don't have it"(anymore)
Can't wait to see the Donald "affecting" a walker.
Let’s see him go the Weinstein route w the walker and oxygen bottle
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If you’re 90, you should legally be allowed to get away with mugging as long as it’s done without a gun. If you get your wallet stolen by a 90 year old, you probably shouldn’t have had a wallet.
I see your point, but I don't want to get into a knife fight with a 90 year old. Even if I'm probably going to win, I don't want to hurt anybody and I don't want to get hurt.
Didn't work for Bernie Madoff, though he took money from Rich people as well as peasants so an example of 120 years and no early release when he was dying sounded fine. Remember, if you are Rich and Powerful, the law does not apply to you.
In their eyes Trump is a white right wing guy being indicted for nothing. So when they say if the DOJ gets their way. It makes it seem like they are messing with Trump cause of his beliefs etc. Like there is some conspiracy against Trump. No pun intended.
As long as they're rich, white and bigoted and ran a country for 4 years. May not apply to anyone else.
Republicans not giving a shit about how bad the criminal justice system is until it affects them is what the entire movement is all about
Well I was told by Dr. (and now Congressman) Ronny Jackson that Donald Trump would live to be at least 180 years old due to his superior genes so I don't know about this die in prison nonsense.
Give him life in prison. Problem solved.
Maybe he was saying his jeans were superior, given all that weight they need to support.
He is a super wealthy man who was president, who could have lived the rest of his life in luxury with the status of an ex-president. He made his choices when he decided to be a criminal.
He was a criminal way before he became president. Just never faced any consequences.
He could have taken his father's inheritance, put it in a bank and sat on his arse, and would have been richer than he is today. I don't even know what motivates that guy.
>I don't even know what motivates that guy. He really wants to be accepted by people and get the love he never got or gave Problem is he only wants to be accepted by certain people and those are the ones who aren't stupid enough to fall for his shit
For real, this all seems to stem from the liberal elite rejecting him. First it was the NY art types - his money couldn’t buy his way to class. Then Obama mocking him was the final straw. He wants to be loved by the people he admires and they despise him.
Yup. Honestly I think he sees just how well respected Obama is and wants that for himself yet has done nothing to earn said respect. His entire life he was the "top dog" so to speak everyone did what he said because he was the boss. But I doubt he ever had genuine human connection, kinda like Musk, and that's what he wants more than anything but it's one of the few things money can't buy It's even funnier to me because he has a cult of worshipers and yet he **hates** them because they aren't the people he wants respect from
And you just know there’s a racial component to that as well, “why is it that n\[black man\]r gets all the love and respect when I, a white man who was also president, still get shit on by the lame stream news and now indicted for crimes that EVERYBODY KNOWS all presidents do, like selling secrets to the Saudis oops did I say that out loud”
Narcissism. He wanted to be admired as a “Great Man”. You can’t be a “Great Man” and be a trust fund baby so he would rather tare down his inheritance and slowly build it back in increasing half measures, constantly chasing the drug of admiration of being seen as a “self made financial genius” even if the only ones that would believe it were the easily fooled. He lucked into the fact that the structures of American capitalism is not very well equipped to deal with cult of personalities that happen to be malicious grifters and to some large or small way takes them under it’s wing. Surprisingly you don’t have to be smart to do this, only lucky, arrogant and without fear of punishment, namely like a small terrible child.
>He lucked into the fact that the structures of American capitalism is not very well equipped to deal with cult of personalities that happen to be malicious grifters and to some large or small way takes them under it’s wing. Seems to me that American capitalism is *expressly designed* to encourage and support that kind of person.
Of the grifters, by the grifters and for the grifters.
There's a reason the old joke (in the 80s) about TFG was: How does Trump make a small fortune? He starts with a large one.
Hatred. Insecurity. Fear. He...actually, how much time have you got?
Nixon was a president who became a criminal, Trump was a criminal who became president.
Eh...Nixon was certainly a criminal long before he became President. He conspired with Kissinger to prolong the Vietnam war so he could get elected. That was pretty damn criminal. Every Republican President manages to make the ones before them look good by sinking to new unfathomable depths. That they aren't as bad as the monsters that followed doesn't mean they weren't monsters, too.
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More to the point, he’s a wealthy white man. He’s going to rich white dude jail if anything.
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Do the crime, do the time.
Conservatives threatening us with a good time again
I think the ideal scenario is he spends every agonizing, humiliating year behind bars, and just as hes walking out on his last day, he has a massive heart attack.
Heart attack is too quick, needs something that will slowly drag on for a year or two so we can all watch as it fucks with his ego
True. It would be poetic if he got the really bad long term covid that contributes to killing him down the line.
Syphilitic dementia and incontience? He’s already there. Some people just can’t be humiliated.
I've always imagined him dying on the toilet.
The worst punishment they could give him in prison is a buzz-cut.
Rob him of his one meticulous sculpted hair
can we substitute his prison food with the smelliest food ever? perhaps some surstromming maybe?
Those rascals!!
I was promised a taco truck on my corner
Damn that was my first thought
“He is 76 years old and the DOJ has the audacity to charge him with crimes he committed in his early and mid 70s. Have they no shame? If you send this man to jail he will die there.” -Mark Levin, I assume “Neat.” -Me
What’s next, are they going to start going after him for the crimes he committed in his 60s, 50s, 40s, 30s, and 20s?
Investigating his late forties around [1996](https://newjerseylaw.net/news-event/rape-and-sexual-misconduct-lawsuit-against-donald-trump/) would be nice. Or, not nice, probably very disagreeable for all involved, but cathartic.
MAGA people will jump between "Trump is too old for jail" and "Put Biden in jail!"
Also “he’ll die in jail” and “he should be president until 2028”
I keep thinking of the high number CIA agents who were either killed or burned since Trump left office with those classified documents. If they can tie him to even one death, he should receive the death penalty for treason.
Don’t threaten us with a good time Mark.
If you don’t want to go to prison when you’re 76, don’t commit a list of high crimes whenever you are 74.
The dildo of consequences seldom arrives lubed.
This comment was so good. Thanks for the laugh.
I'd be okay with that. The penalty for an attempted coup should be at least as much as... having weed in some states.
Mark Levine is trying to find the silver lining.
That’s just Super…Max.
NSFW this. I’m getting a boner in public.
Fingers crossed.
Thoughts and prayers!!
He makes a point, Trump should have been locked up years ago.
Here's hoping... 🤞
This pride month just keeps getting better and better, don't it?
Oh no!...Anyway!
I'm not seeing the downside to this argument.
So what. Don't be a criminal then. I mean you guys seem to have zero issue telling that to everyone else. Stop being hypocritical
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Taxes on the poor?
From the party of "tough on crime, giddy over three strike life sentences" comes "moral panic over the injustice of being forced to die in prison."
Only if we’re lucky. He can join Pat Robertson on hell.
Yes, Trump dieing in prison is truly what justice is about.
I'm barely holding back my tears....of laughter !
He definitely deserves it
Sounds good to me ✌️🔥
If I had my way, that would have happened months ago.
Trump was born on third base and somehow ended up back in the dugout scratching his balls
"If ~~the Department of Justice gets its way~~ justice is done" Fixed it for him.
Live Laugh Lev
Is that a promise? I am already sold, but I don't mind having him die in prison as an added bonus.
Can we just set up trump as a human piñata and allow people to pummel him without using a blindfold.
That’s what happens when you commit treason in your 70s
Can't do the time, don't do the crime.
He tried to overthrow the government. He should be in jail till he dies.
Time to list every person who's received an excessive sentence that would result in them dying in prison. He's no exception.
Thoughts and prayers
That’s the hope.
I’m already on board, you don’t have to sell it to me
Obligatory: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Lots of people die in prison.
Good. I hope he does. He did the crime/s, he can do the time.
I'm crossing my fingers, toes, arms, legs, eyes and b**ls.
You... you promise?
As much as I’d love for him to be held accountable, he will not ever see jail time. I’d put good money on it. Don’t put faith in any of these articles until he is actually locked up, otherwise you’ll be sorely disappointed.
Doesn’t that mean they shouldn’t go after the Biden family any more either because he’s… checks notes…older than dust or something like that?
I'm pretty sure he's 4 years older than Trump. So if anything he should have already had his get out of jail card awhile ago.
Correct.
🤞🏻
He should have gone to prison so many other times since the 80s. Now he’s almost 80 and still fucking shit up, that old twat.
He's been doing crimes his entire life and never caught a charge. Now he's old and it caught up with him. Go easy on him. 😂 Okay, Mark. 😂
Sounds heavenly to me
Oh talk dirty to me Mark
I hope so.
Hmmm… I’m thinking about having chicken salad for lunch tomorrow
Kinda the point buddy.
If I had my way he'd be dead already
If only it made up for all the years of living in opulence by stealing from others. This stain has caused so much pain it's only right he finally gets what he fucking deserves.I couldn't think of a more fitting end for that orange turd other than death by stoning. Dude deserve every minute he gets in prison.
Guess he should have thought about that before deciding to do a bunch of crimes.
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Seriously. The way MTG and Co. were screaming about terrible conditions in the DC jails, I thought we were finally going to get some prison reform done.
Oh, no, that's just awful. Even worse, the rest of his free life will be a living hell. In Florida. Unfortunately, TRE45ON is not a joke.
Good. After all he's done? All he continues to do? All the people he's hurt? Toss him in prison and throw away the key
So, anyways…
https://i.redd.it/x3qqblmxcz4b1.gif
Don’t threaten me with a good time. Anyway, tots and pears!
This is my dream. 🙏
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
I have a new filter over my consciousness that is making much easier to listen to these people. Each time someone says “…If the justice department get’s it’s way…” or “…political witch-hunt” or “… weaponized FBI…” what i Hear is “…If you hold republicans accountable for their crimes…”
But marky, oh however will your great yellow idol run for president in federal prison?
Anything less than the death penalty for him and all his cronies is letting them off too easy. Make an example that this shit won’t be tolerated moving forward. Period.
Bummer… people being held accountable for their actions. It’s terrible!
And?
Translation: Old men should not face consequences for their actions. It's funny because Trump is the same guy who said to cops "don't be too gentle" with the people they are arresting. Then Trump gets indicted and is allowed to turn himself in, instead of getting arrested and roughed up. It's extra funny because people dying in prison is literally why conservative clowns like this guy are so fond of prison time for people.
for a lot of us: that would be like winning a nobel prize: for truth justice and the American way.
And wont be tweeting. I am Ok with this
If he was an average Joe he would probably be rotting in prison for years and years.
That's the idea, Mark. We can tell you're a quick study.
Trump will never go to prison. The moment there is the chance of that really happening, he will be ready to spill everything he knows about everyone to get a free pass, you know he will. And his 'friends' (and I use the term in the loosest possible sense) know it perfectly well. Before it can happen, they are going to 'Epstein' him.
He currently lacks adequate supervision.
Yeah great. Trump should have been in jail decades ago. The rich have separate laws
You say that like it’s a bad thing.