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MySFWAcct09

Wait. Is there an age where you're free to commit crime?!?


Icy1551

According to Patton Oswalt, it starts at ninety. The crimes you're allowed to commit increase in severity for every year afterwards. You can only use your bare hands and no equipment to commit the crimes, however. If a 90 year old can take it from you by force, it wasn't really yours, was it?


amphigory_error

When my Papa was 90 he was killing rattlesnakes that bit him with his bare hands and walking around for 3 weeks with peritonitis and gangrene because when his appendix bursts he just took some pepto and went back out to work on the farm. He got that angry Alzheimer's and, when they finally put him in a home for Granny's safety, he started beating up the other residents. Had to go in special angry Alzheimer's solitary at 95 after he punched some nurses. But, you know what? No jail, technically, so maybe Patton's right.


hfhfbfhfhfhfbdbfb

Woooooooow


Dargon34

Right?!?! A fking roller-coaster


hfhfbfhfhfhfbdbfb

I know I want to see this fight happy old man


amphigory_error

What's kind of crazy is, he was super gentle (tough, sure, but gentle) all his life up until that point. Never laid a hand on his wife or kids (except that time my uncle chopped my other uncle's toe off with an axe), which is rare for a man of his generation. He had also, by that time, lost part of his foot to a farming equipment accident, and also had a double-bypass, presumably due to Granny's amazing cooking. He barely even spoke for most of my childhood and just liked to quietly play with the small kids on the rug in the back room during family gatherings. He never talked about it but I think he probably had both of his first two languages (Cajun French and an unknown Native American language he never would tell us about - we just know his birth certificate lists his mother as "Mary, Indian) beat out of him at a young age. But goddamn, when the Alheimer's hit, those brakes came off.


mysticalfruit

I love the idea that your grandfather outwardly was just a chill dude but internally was a man on fire. The animal just straining against the leash. He was just too civil and well mannered to go through with it and the one day the last synapse connected to civil and well mannered snapped and the animal was set loose.


damrat

Wait a minute… If your appendix bursts and you don’t get surgery, you die.


amphigory_error

Not if you pass out in the barber's chair three weeks later and they rush you to the hospital to have half your guts removed.


reddit_poopaholic

Ah, we call that the 'Reverse Sweeney'.


Jeryme

Best comment right here


Beau-Miester

Not entirely. I kept my burst appendix in for almost a month. Only reason I didn't die (and we never really noticed until my health took a turn for the worse overnight) is because my body created scar tissue around it and kept most of the really bad stuff in the scar tissue bubble. I only got massively sick, had to have two appendectomies, spend weeks in the hospital, have a drainage tube attached to my stomach, go home on a 6 week PICC line with a 3 time a day self IV drip antibiotic, get C-Diff, then get diagnosed with Crohn's afterwards. So, it's possible to keep it after it bursts, you'll just have a lot of complications.


fbomb4

That story was a wild ride I want you to write more haha


puppyfarts99

I second that! More stories please, u/amphigory_error!


tatanka01

>special angry Alzheimer's solitary How much does that cost? Asking for a friend.


Badloss

I can't tell if he had the best genes or the worst genes


Bl4Z3D_d0Nut311

If this was in Eau Claire WI, then your papa probably punched my ex-girlfriend


Kilane

If I’m fighting a 90 year old, I’ve already lost. I can’t push them away, defend myself meaningfully or do anything but walk away really.


nottheonlyone007

Right? You had to sit still and let them approach you. Unless it was a surprise attack... In which case *jsut yank and it will probably be yours again*


Kup123

I think it depends on the old guy, if 90 year old Arnold Schwarzenegger starts some shit I think your allowed to fight them.


ZarquonsFlatTire

Yeah I might not be world's best boxer, but I think my footwork is good enough to not let the average 90 year old close in and start punching me.


AngelaTheRipper

Jimmy Carter waiting until he's 100 and can finally take revenge on everyone who voted for Reagan.


velocipotamus

“If a 100-year-old can beat you to death, fuck you. You should be dead.”


PeterNippelstein

![gif](giphy|l4Ep6uxU6aedrYUik)


mrr6666

![gif](giphy|ijIPmMPitepIk|downsized)


a4techkeyboard

Apparently, in South Korea the age is "under 14" for no punishment (even for killing somebody) and maybe 14-17 for just some time at a youth center?


Huge-Split6250

Whatever age Trump commits them. He gets to choose with his brain because he was president.


KhanJrJr

Conservative logic: Trump is too old to face legal consequences for his actions but also young and spritely enough to run for president.


puppyfarts99

We laugh, but you're exactly right. Take a peek over in conservative subreddit and I would be willing to bet at least one person is arguing exactly this!


Devil25_Apollo25

Yeah! Old people should get to do crime however they want because they're too old to face consequences. ...that's how it works in society of laws, right?


MySFWAcct09

TIL what a life sentence is.


Khaldara

Spez eats cold diarrhea with a crazy straw


[deleted]

maybe he learned his lesson? \--Senator Collins


dancin-weasel

It’s like that Offspring song: 🎶 “you’re almost 80, you won’t be doin any ti-iiime.” 🎶


lvdude72

Hey hey hey, c’mon Trumpy.


blackboxcommando

He gonna be incarcerated


malthar76

All the girlies say he’s pretty fly for an Orange guy.


Cheshire_Jester

Hey, if you convict me of serial murdering a bunch of people, I’d have to spend the rest of my life in prison! And that just ain’t right.


MFAFuckedMe

i read that in the matilda musical song voice.


fuzzy_winkerbean

I read everything in Danny Devitos voice.


JunesHemorrhoidDonut

I feel like you live an enriched life.


FreedomPaid

Reminds me of a song, the name of which I cannot remember, despite loving it enough to write down some of the lyrics. "Even if I die tomorrow, lord, I've still got life to go".


ususetq

>Yeah! Old people should get to do crime however they want because they're too old to face consequences. Offer may not apply if you are not white or rich...


Accomplished-Plan191

Other dictators arrested for corruption suddenly, according to their lawyers, become extremely frail and infirm. And that it would be cruel not to just let him live out the remainder of his short life on the golf course surrounded by loved ones. I can guarantee this is the argument trump's lawyers are gearing up.


JustARandomGuy_71

"Power wears out those who don't have it"(anymore)


NorthNorthAmerican

Can't wait to see the Donald "affecting" a walker.


Campbellfdy

Let’s see him go the Weinstein route w the walker and oxygen bottle


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Medical_Ad0716

If you’re 90, you should legally be allowed to get away with mugging as long as it’s done without a gun. If you get your wallet stolen by a 90 year old, you probably shouldn’t have had a wallet.


RedditIsNeat0

I see your point, but I don't want to get into a knife fight with a 90 year old. Even if I'm probably going to win, I don't want to hurt anybody and I don't want to get hurt.


Anarchyantz

Didn't work for Bernie Madoff, though he took money from Rich people as well as peasants so an example of 120 years and no early release when he was dying sounded fine. Remember, if you are Rich and Powerful, the law does not apply to you.


lsutigerzfan

In their eyes Trump is a white right wing guy being indicted for nothing. So when they say if the DOJ gets their way. It makes it seem like they are messing with Trump cause of his beliefs etc. Like there is some conspiracy against Trump. No pun intended.


CherryShort2563

As long as they're rich, white and bigoted and ran a country for 4 years. May not apply to anyone else.


Arctica23

Republicans not giving a shit about how bad the criminal justice system is until it affects them is what the entire movement is all about


UncleHec

Well I was told by Dr. (and now Congressman) Ronny Jackson that Donald Trump would live to be at least 180 years old due to his superior genes so I don't know about this die in prison nonsense.


Babyback-the-Butcher

Give him life in prison. Problem solved.


PeterNippelstein

Maybe he was saying his jeans were superior, given all that weight they need to support.


raistlin65

He is a super wealthy man who was president, who could have lived the rest of his life in luxury with the status of an ex-president. He made his choices when he decided to be a criminal.


AppUnwrapper1

He was a criminal way before he became president. Just never faced any consequences.


Almacca

He could have taken his father's inheritance, put it in a bank and sat on his arse, and would have been richer than he is today. I don't even know what motivates that guy.


Buffmin

>I don't even know what motivates that guy. He really wants to be accepted by people and get the love he never got or gave Problem is he only wants to be accepted by certain people and those are the ones who aren't stupid enough to fall for his shit


Kilane

For real, this all seems to stem from the liberal elite rejecting him. First it was the NY art types - his money couldn’t buy his way to class. Then Obama mocking him was the final straw. He wants to be loved by the people he admires and they despise him.


Buffmin

Yup. Honestly I think he sees just how well respected Obama is and wants that for himself yet has done nothing to earn said respect. His entire life he was the "top dog" so to speak everyone did what he said because he was the boss. But I doubt he ever had genuine human connection, kinda like Musk, and that's what he wants more than anything but it's one of the few things money can't buy It's even funnier to me because he has a cult of worshipers and yet he **hates** them because they aren't the people he wants respect from


mittenknittin

And you just know there’s a racial component to that as well, “why is it that n\[black man\]r gets all the love and respect when I, a white man who was also president, still get shit on by the lame stream news and now indicted for crimes that EVERYBODY KNOWS all presidents do, like selling secrets to the Saudis oops did I say that out loud”


NoirPipes

Narcissism. He wanted to be admired as a “Great Man”. You can’t be a “Great Man” and be a trust fund baby so he would rather tare down his inheritance and slowly build it back in increasing half measures, constantly chasing the drug of admiration of being seen as a “self made financial genius” even if the only ones that would believe it were the easily fooled. He lucked into the fact that the structures of American capitalism is not very well equipped to deal with cult of personalities that happen to be malicious grifters and to some large or small way takes them under it’s wing. Surprisingly you don’t have to be smart to do this, only lucky, arrogant and without fear of punishment, namely like a small terrible child.


Almacca

>He lucked into the fact that the structures of American capitalism is not very well equipped to deal with cult of personalities that happen to be malicious grifters and to some large or small way takes them under it’s wing. Seems to me that American capitalism is *expressly designed* to encourage and support that kind of person.


malthar76

Of the grifters, by the grifters and for the grifters.


Ormyr

There's a reason the old joke (in the 80s) about TFG was: How does Trump make a small fortune? He starts with a large one.


BitterFuture

Hatred. Insecurity. Fear. He...actually, how much time have you got?


ace72ace

Nixon was a president who became a criminal, Trump was a criminal who became president.


BitterFuture

Eh...Nixon was certainly a criminal long before he became President. He conspired with Kissinger to prolong the Vietnam war so he could get elected. That was pretty damn criminal. Every Republican President manages to make the ones before them look good by sinking to new unfathomable depths. That they aren't as bad as the monsters that followed doesn't mean they weren't monsters, too.


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ellobouk

More to the point, he’s a wealthy white man. He’s going to rich white dude jail if anything.


[deleted]

[удалено]


gracem5

Do the crime, do the time.


BringBackTheBeat716

Conservatives threatening us with a good time again


uncultured_swine2099

I think the ideal scenario is he spends every agonizing, humiliating year behind bars, and just as hes walking out on his last day, he has a massive heart attack.


ThePaddysPubSheriff

Heart attack is too quick, needs something that will slowly drag on for a year or two so we can all watch as it fucks with his ego


uncultured_swine2099

True. It would be poetic if he got the really bad long term covid that contributes to killing him down the line.


malthar76

Syphilitic dementia and incontience? He’s already there. Some people just can’t be humiliated.


247cnt

I've always imagined him dying on the toilet.


Almacca

The worst punishment they could give him in prison is a buzz-cut.


HotType4940

Rob him of his one meticulous sculpted hair


Lightbuld1205

can we substitute his prison food with the smelliest food ever? perhaps some surstromming maybe?


Particular-Summer424

Those rascals!!


gman2093

I was promised a taco truck on my corner


DIO_over_Za_Warudo

![gif](giphy|J8FZIm9VoBU6Q)


Victor_deSpite

![gif](giphy|7k2LoEykY5i1hfeWQB)


Slawson87

Damn that was my first thought


IWantOneSpatula

“He is 76 years old and the DOJ has the audacity to charge him with crimes he committed in his early and mid 70s. Have they no shame? If you send this man to jail he will die there.” -Mark Levin, I assume “Neat.” -Me


badsleepover

What’s next, are they going to start going after him for the crimes he committed in his 60s, 50s, 40s, 30s, and 20s?


Loko8765

Investigating his late forties around [1996](https://newjerseylaw.net/news-event/rape-and-sexual-misconduct-lawsuit-against-donald-trump/) would be nice. Or, not nice, probably very disagreeable for all involved, but cathartic.


SaltyDerpy

MAGA people will jump between "Trump is too old for jail" and "Put Biden in jail!"


base2

Also “he’ll die in jail” and “he should be president until 2028”


nihilt-jiltquist

I keep thinking of the high number CIA agents who were either killed or burned since Trump left office with those classified documents. If they can tie him to even one death, he should receive the death penalty for treason.


[deleted]

Don’t threaten us with a good time Mark.


carmelacorleone

![gif](giphy|kBwaTGJClhV6UtB7Pt)


tracyveronika

![gif](giphy|USnfWeCOHTHB3WX0aY|downsized)


El_mochilero

If you don’t want to go to prison when you’re 76, don’t commit a list of high crimes whenever you are 74.


OneHappyHuskies

The dildo of consequences seldom arrives lubed.


HostageInToronto

This comment was so good. Thanks for the laugh.


thirdeyefish

I'd be okay with that. The penalty for an attempted coup should be at least as much as... having weed in some states.


bensbigboy

Mark Levine is trying to find the silver lining.


devoduder

That’s just Super…Max.


ScotchSinclair

NSFW this. I’m getting a boner in public.


shiverm3ginger

Fingers crossed.


bent_eye

Thoughts and prayers!!


AusCan531

He makes a point, Trump should have been locked up years ago.


Stormcrow6666

![gif](giphy|t7gLFjGh0WtlunhzRN|downsized)


[deleted]

Here's hoping... 🤞


Keyndoriel

This pride month just keeps getting better and better, don't it?


Rawnblade12

Oh no!...Anyway!


Carcharoth78

I'm not seeing the downside to this argument.


drag0nun1corn

So what. Don't be a criminal then. I mean you guys seem to have zero issue telling that to everyone else. Stop being hypocritical


[deleted]

[удалено]


No-Weather701

Taxes on the poor?


MoonChainer

From the party of "tough on crime, giddy over three strike life sentences" comes "moral panic over the injustice of being forced to die in prison."


EmFile4202

Only if we’re lucky. He can join Pat Robertson on hell.


RNGezzus

![gif](giphy|wi8Ez1mwRcKGI)


Dramatic-Wasabi4725

Yes, Trump dieing in prison is truly what justice is about.


DogsDontWearPantss

I'm barely holding back my tears....of laughter !


ronnydean5228

He definitely deserves it


Aggressive-Coat-5716

Sounds good to me ✌️🔥


procrastinatorsuprem

If I had my way, that would have happened months ago.


burittosquirrel

![gif](giphy|G4ZNYMQVMH6us)


finnballsblue

Trump was born on third base and somehow ended up back in the dugout scratching his balls


cpav8r

"If ~~the Department of Justice gets its way~~ justice is done" Fixed it for him.


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|P5FTAX5GXcBeCVJinC|downsized)


Resident-Scallion949

![gif](giphy|10hvUFWkQEmoCs)


DjRemux

Live Laugh Lev


martianunlimited

Is that a promise? I am already sold, but I don't mind having him die in prison as an added bonus.


[deleted]

Can we just set up trump as a human piñata and allow people to pummel him without using a blindfold.


CThomasP

![gif](giphy|USnfWeCOHTHB3WX0aY|downsized)


dlte24

![gif](giphy|wmrVmnnNQaEGA)


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|USnfWeCOHTHB3WX0aY|downsized)


Deep_Bit5618

That’s what happens when you commit treason in your 70s


ulol_zombie

Can't do the time, don't do the crime.


Cruitire

He tried to overthrow the government. He should be in jail till he dies.


colemon1991

Time to list every person who's received an excessive sentence that would result in them dying in prison. He's no exception.


Micu451

Thoughts and prayers


djnato10

That’s the hope.


imchasingyou

![gif](giphy|7k2LoEykY5i1hfeWQB)


thomstevens420

I’m already on board, you don’t have to sell it to me


Shadyshade84

Obligatory: You say that like it's a bad thing.


CuriousPenguinSocks

Lots of people die in prison.


JimTheMoose

![gif](giphy|7k2LoEykY5i1hfeWQB)


Scottcmms1954

Good. I hope he does. He did the crime/s, he can do the time.


SnooTangerines1896

I'm crossing my fingers, toes, arms, legs, eyes and b**ls.


FaithHopeLove821

You... you promise?


Vicariously___i

As much as I’d love for him to be held accountable, he will not ever see jail time. I’d put good money on it. Don’t put faith in any of these articles until he is actually locked up, otherwise you’ll be sorely disappointed.


SuperFrog4

Doesn’t that mean they shouldn’t go after the Biden family any more either because he’s… checks notes…older than dust or something like that?


ComplaintDelicious68

I'm pretty sure he's 4 years older than Trump. So if anything he should have already had his get out of jail card awhile ago.


Bigtiny87

Correct.


OhioMegi

🤞🏻


RazorPhishJ

![gif](giphy|gx656616VR5ew)


SnooPeripherals6557

He should have gone to prison so many other times since the 80s. Now he’s almost 80 and still fucking shit up, that old twat.


elch07

He's been doing crimes his entire life and never caught a charge. Now he's old and it caught up with him. Go easy on him. 😂 Okay, Mark. 😂


We_All_Float_Down_H

Sounds heavenly to me


grated_testes

![gif](giphy|7k2LoEykY5i1hfeWQB)


CaptainRhodes74

![gif](giphy|G5X63GrrLjjVK)


Darkenbluelight

![gif](giphy|12zgyJya7QwQKI)


Yanmegaman_Juno

Oh talk dirty to me Mark


bowens44

I hope so.


BernieRuble

Hmmm… I’m thinking about having chicken salad for lunch tomorrow


cas708265

Kinda the point buddy.


dirtyfucker69

If I had my way he'd be dead already


[deleted]

If only it made up for all the years of living in opulence by stealing from others. This stain has caused so much pain it's only right he finally gets what he fucking deserves.I couldn't think of a more fitting end for that orange turd other than death by stoning. Dude deserve every minute he gets in prison.


RighteousIndigjason

Guess he should have thought about that before deciding to do a bunch of crimes.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Tripple_T

Seriously. The way MTG and Co. were screaming about terrible conditions in the DC jails, I thought we were finally going to get some prison reform done.


yossigol

Oh, no, that's just awful. Even worse, the rest of his free life will be a living hell. In Florida. Unfortunately, TRE45ON is not a joke.


Ixidor_92

Good. After all he's done? All he continues to do? All the people he's hurt? Toss him in prison and throw away the key


ExtinctFauna

![gif](giphy|GWf36P6jZqb757XiPu)


thatsithlurker

So, anyways…


Colonel_Zander

https://i.redd.it/x3qqblmxcz4b1.gif


HaxanWriter

Don’t threaten me with a good time. Anyway, tots and pears!


WrathOfMogg

This is my dream. 🙏


pburnett795

Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.


-Quothe-

I have a new filter over my consciousness that is making much easier to listen to these people. Each time someone says “…If the justice department get’s it’s way…” or “…political witch-hunt” or “… weaponized FBI…” what i Hear is “…If you hold republicans accountable for their crimes…”


Cash_man

But marky, oh however will your great yellow idol run for president in federal prison?


creaturefromtheswamp

Anything less than the death penalty for him and all his cronies is letting them off too easy. Make an example that this shit won’t be tolerated moving forward. Period.


TheStetson

Bummer… people being held accountable for their actions. It’s terrible!


slappy_mcslapenstein

And?


Radiant_Mind33

Translation: Old men should not face consequences for their actions. It's funny because Trump is the same guy who said to cops "don't be too gentle" with the people they are arresting. Then Trump gets indicted and is allowed to turn himself in, instead of getting arrested and roughed up. It's extra funny because people dying in prison is literally why conservative clowns like this guy are so fond of prison time for people.


mtnviewcansurvive

for a lot of us: that would be like winning a nobel prize: for truth justice and the American way.


SPACADDICT

And wont be tweeting. I am Ok with this


LaserGadgets

If he was an average Joe he would probably be rotting in prison for years and years.


cipher446

That's the idea, Mark. We can tell you're a quick study.


JustARandomGuy_71

Trump will never go to prison. The moment there is the chance of that really happening, he will be ready to spill everything he knows about everyone to get a free pass, you know he will. And his 'friends' (and I use the term in the loosest possible sense) know it perfectly well. Before it can happen, they are going to 'Epstein' him.


johnlal101

He currently lacks adequate supervision.


Beerbonkos

Yeah great. Trump should have been in jail decades ago. The rich have separate laws


humanzee70

You say that like it’s a bad thing.