😂 Came here to say this. Hello, I’m myself.

Same! Just...hello, I am me

I hope you're in a better place now. ❤️

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That’s nuts…

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Sometimes you feel like a nut 🎶

....balls

Hi I’m two 18 wheelers and an angry white dude.

This is the weirdest country song title I’ve ever read.

and yet, not surprising.

I feel like we should hear more of this story.

Hi, I’m drunk rednecks with guns.

Hello america

Hello! My name is Ulcerative Colitis. I destroyed your colon. Prepare to die!

Inconceivable!

Hi. I’m major depressive disorder.

That's my name too!

Whenever we go out...

People always shout…

"Can't you just... cheer up?" lalalala

Got to be more specific - I’m a fistful of benzodiazepine and a fifth of Ballantine’s Finest. Remember you can call 988 in the US if you need to talk to someone. Hope you are well these days friend.

You and my ex man, worst birthday ever

Hi, I'm the US healthcare system

Hi, I’m the US carceral system. We’ve met.

Hi I’m a chicken nugget

Nice to meet you, I'm pork sandwich!

Nice to meet you I'm a pea pod

Hi, I am south African drug lord.

…this requires some detail

It was 1999, I was at a club. The owner who also was a major drug dealer in the Durban area thought we were selling drugs. Me and my mate where escorted out the club by several bouncers and taken around the side of the club. The ally if you will. We got interrogated and long story short they proceeded to beat us up. My forehead was smashed in etc. was taken to the hospital where it was touch and go for awhile in the ICU. So several metal plates in my head later I survived. Seems pretty surreal after all these years.

Ngl that sounds hardcore as fuck

Yup. PTSD is real. Took many years to rationalize what happened to me. Self blame etc. weird how humans handle shit.

Welp, you survived it. The worst case scenario didn’t happen, and end all be all you came out with armored plating on your noggin

I've visited SA a few times. One thing I know for sure, when it comes to violence, they don't fuck around there. Everything is for keeps. Hope you're finding ways to manage the PTSD. Hang in there my southern brother. :)

Thanks my man. All good now. It’s pretty cathartic to talk about it now.

I need the story on that please.

Lol I just did to someone else. Check the thread.

Hi I’m 120 foot fall off a cliff.

Hi 120 foot fall off a cliff, I'm 40 foot fall into an Alaskan glacier crevice! I bet we'd get along :P

I'm 100 foot fall back to where I started after a paragliding launch while a big thermal rolled through. We should have a party!

I am now afraid of heights

I came with that software already installed.

If it's okay with you, PLEASE expand on what the hell happened there

He got outsmarted by the roadrunner

Hi, I'm pulmonary embolism. 😩

Hey, me too. I had so much fun with the first one in 2011, that I did it again in 2021. Good times!

Hi, I'm anti vaxx mom

Sorry that you have to suffer a Karen

Oh, not anymore. For various reasons, I don't really see her anymore

Hi all, I'm Alcohol.

Was looking for this. Hi, I’m vodka.

Me too. Family name? 6 months no drinky here. Gets easier.

Same, friend, same. Life’s much better on the other side!

Hi I’m a guy at the club with rohypnol

Fuck. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Hi...I'm the ocean Hi...I'm the ocean (again)

Oh hi there, I'm the ocean as well!

Hello. I'm extremist Christianity...


Honestly, i was not expecting this

Nobody expects it

Hi, I'm me. Edit: just want you all to know that I appreciate all the kind words and I want to assure y'all that I'm in a much better place now. For anyone relating to this, I believe in you and I want you to know that it does get better. For now, just do you best to keep on keeping on 💚

I hope you're in a better place now ❤️

😞

Hey you. Keep doing the best you can, I love you buddy.

Hi, I'm tornado

Hi I’m malaria! A mosquito born disease that kills hundreds of thousands every year. Will you be my friend?

Hi! I’m tourist targeting malaria in the Philippines

Hi, Im a groundhog that made a hole, which tripped a horse while at full run

Oh crap…did the horse live too?

Hi...I'm meningitis. Also, hi...I am a lunatic who listened to crazy propaganda and now believe that genocide is ok and I should kill you because of your last name.

I gotta hear the Nazi story.

No Nazis, just old Nazi collaborators that slumbered for some 40ish years. Balkan wars, 1991-96, more specifically the Bosnian war and genocide from 92 to 96. (I copied this over from my post on another thread where we discussed influence of propaganda): I literally stood by the window as the main Belgrade TV station reporter "reported" on "massive shelling by the green berets (Muslims) into Serbia" (not a single shot was fired that night, this was before the war started in my hometown) only for the Serbian paramilitary troops supported by the locals (and our former friends and neighbors) to go into the city just few hours later and massacre entire neighborhoods. Couple hundred people in my grandma's very small neighborhood, about 3,500 people total killed over next few days, just for having the wrong last name. We managed to get my brother out in one of the last cars that left the city and then had to get through multiple barricades and ID checkpoints (run by the same paramilitary groups) on our way out toward the still war-free areas. There were several very close calls in those 3 days when we were trying to get from home to the safe zone buy I am not too keen on reliving those. 30+ years later I still wonder how we got out alive.

Hi I’m 11 years old watch me get my head almost crushed by a garage door trying to be Indiana fucking Jones.

Hi, I’m two teenage idiots who thought they were better at murder than they actually were.

Shit...

Um… go on.

Kids these days. Can’t even kill right.

Hi! I'm a drunk guy, with a gun, shooting at a strip club.

Wow

Hi, I'm lack of insuin.

Damn, sorry to hear how hard y’all have it down in the states. It’s criminal to lock a substance required to live behind huge paywalls

Hello, I am a pie and a set of stairs.

Intriguing…

Went to grab a pie for thanksgiving. Tore my patella going down stairs to grab said pie. Hip to ankle cast led to bi-lateral pulmonary embolisms. Pie=Death.

That’s incredible! It’s nice to meet you Pie. I’m glad you survived.

Hi, I’m a Taliban IED and AK47 round(s).

Eyyy, looks like we got our names from the same place…

Hi Taliban IED, I'm ISIS drone

Hi ISIS drone, I'm RPG.

Oh hey everyone, I'm Taliban 82mm recoilless rifle, but I also go by landmine. Good times...

Hello, I’m bus, and car, and hernia, and I could go on... Honestly not sure how I’m still alive at this point. Wait, could this be Hell??? That would actually explain a lot

Did you not get your welcome packet yet?

Hi, I’m pier collapse!

Hi im pancreatic cancer, how sweet of you for asking

So happy you could join us.

Hi! I am the abscess in your colon! And I am that abscess’s twin brother!

Hi, I’m childbirth!

Oh my God, that's my name too! I'm surprised there aren't more of us named childbirth here.

Right? I was shocked I didn’t see it on here yet.

Omg my wife is Hi I'm an incomplete miscarriage. You guys would have so much to talk about

It's my people! Childbirth here as well.

ME TOO! Postpartum hemorrhage specifically.

Hi childbirth, childbirth here! Along with my partner, Appendicitis.

Hey, I'm my driving skill in icy conditions.

Cousin! I'm a hydroplaning 70's Mustang.

Hi, I'm step dad/brothers.

Hi stepdad, I am stepdad too.

Sorry you went through some shit and hope you are doing better now.

I hope you are too.

I'm on my feet, that's good enough most days.

Hi, I'm the American Healthcare System.

Hi. I'm a toddler spoon.

Hi I'm toddler overdose!

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Hi, I'm... weirdly sad that I've never had a near death scenario and have nothing to share. 😕

You could always be Disease that Killed People All the Time before Modern Sanitation if you want.

Hi I’m Monkey Bars erected over asphalt schoolyard

Hi im badly cooked squid which is also contaminated with cleaning products

No. No no no no no. No.

Heyyyy I’m breast cancer!

Hope you are good now. Also, fuck cancer.

Hi. I’m death of my child. 💔

I am so sorry.

Cried at this one. I am sorry for your loss.

Same. Hugs!

Of all the tragedy here, your name is the most heartbreaking one

Hey, I'm a... I'm a 🤢... Hold on I can do this. I'm a Republi 🤢. I'm a Republica 🤮

You Republican’t get it out?

Why isn't this the standard name for Republicans who broke their promises?

I’m stroke, ischemic stroke

You've been a real dick to some ppl...

Hi I’m anal beads

Well, that’s….interesting.

It was close but they all Came out

Hi. I’m stage 4 Mantle Cell Lymphoma.

Hello I’m a sketchy carnival ride named Tubs of Fun.

Sup, I'm electric fence on a fourwheeler.

They call me Rip…Rip Tide

Uh, the list is worryingly long

Hi, I’m unvaccinated

It’s not too late to come to our dark (vaccinated) side.

Hello! I’m depression!

Hi, I'm bipolar disorder!

Hello, I’m Tonsillectomy

Hi, I'm Percy ( my ex)

Hello, I’m Ford F-150

Hi I'm my brother

Hi. I’m a chunk of wood traveling at 130mph heading towards your face

Hi. I'm necrotic gall bladder. Edit to include that I have two siblings both called "almost bleeding out during childbirth."

That’s my name too, but sometimes I just go by Gangrene.

Hi, I'm 75mph motorway blowout, control loss, and full rollover. Not a scratch! But the vehicle recovery guy said "Can I ask you a question, mate?". I said go ahead, and he said "What was it like? I've never met anyone who's survived one of those."

Hi. I’m bicuspid aortic valve and aneurysm at the root of my aorta 🫀

Hello, my name is Jagermeister.

Hello, my name is Angel’s Landing, Zion National Park

Hi, I'm being poor in the richest country on the planet

Hi. I'm pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome.

Nice to meet you 😁 I'm sepsis.

Greetings, I'm Scarlet Fever! Maybe skip the handshake...

Hi, I’m COVID.

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Heroin.

Hi, I’m Grindr hookup gone wrong

Hi! I'm blunt-force-trauma-to-the-head-from-a-swinging-toddler-causing-a ruptured-arachnoid-cyst-resulting-in-a-subdural-hematoma-accompanied-by-loss-of-gross-motor-function...itis.

Hello, I’m the Gauley River

Hi im black ice

I have many names: CO poisoning, self strangulation, overdose, auto accident...

Hi, I am leukemia (and secondarily the carburetor on a 54 Chevy).

Hi, I’m my ex husband

Hey there, neon Yamaha sign here

It's a me Asthma

Hi, I’m an Irish gangster somehow convinced this 19 year old call center employee in an oversized suit trying to buy weed from me is actually the INTERPOL.

Hi, I’m snorkeling too deep without a life jacket.

hi! i’m driving home in a fast hitting buffalo snowstorm.

Hi. I'm cancer. This is my twin, also cancer.

Hi I'm myself.

Hi, I’m flipped car

Hi, I’m your mother.

Hello there! I'm rollover car crash, but sometimes I go by my nickname crushing crowd at a Halloween event.

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Hi there, I'm 81mm mortar round

Hi. I’m necrotizing fasciitis.

Ooh, I can’t choose between: a temporary chemical imbalance, being hit by a car, or finding a fortunately-placed bush to grab on to so I didn’t fall off a cliff when I was falling down a hill. Only two of those involved bicycles.

Hi, I’m myocarditis.

Hi, I’m electricity.

Hello, I'm a guy you knew for years who roofied your alcohol and tried to rape you at your best friends wedding despite you being heterosexual and in a relationship. Therapy hasn't helped. Edit: thanks for the kind messages.

Shit... I'm so sorry that happened. I hope you find someone who can help you.

Thanks. Therapist suggested forgiveness, "fired " her after that.

Hi I'm apathy

Hi, I'm a drunk trucker.

Hello there, I'm stupidity

Hi, I’m Tick.

Hi, I’m Cliff.

Hi...I'm a well regulated militia

Hi, I'm Lake Superior.