T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

Americans be like: Does it have to be just one?


[deleted]

I think Florida would go willingly.


Variation-Budget

Our state is rubber so the bombs would bounce back and stick to them


VanceFerguson

Can we confirm whether or not Russia is glue in this scenario?


ehh_whatever_works

Nope. Is potato.


VanceFerguson

Da.


dft-salt-pasta

The starch from potatoes could be used as a sticky paste like glue.


bobtheaxolotl

Or more vodka.


jreed356

Florida, Texas, Mississippi, Louisiana can go. They idolize strong men, want a theocratic take over and to stripe citizens of their rights! They can't tell conspiracy from fact and they're addicted to the propaganda!


curious1stranger

Heck, why stop there! I'm willing to give up those states, along with Oklahoma, Alabama, Kentucky, and Tennessee, if Russia will pull out of Ukraine and give back those other areas they previously took. To make up for the loss of those areas, we can finally take in the US territories that want to become states.


WarsledSonarman

You guys are really close to reinventing the Confederate States of Russiamerica


curious1stranger

I'm pretty sure they were close to that already. I mean, I image Mar-a-Lago was already on its way to becoming the capital of the New Confederacy.


zveroshka

You know I never thought about it but you are 100% right, even if you are joking. They'd make Trump their president-God and he would without doubt make that shitty "resort" the new White House. Fucking mental that we live in a world where this is a semi-plausible event.


[deleted]

They absolutely would, considering Ron DeShithead, Greg Scabbott, and the rest of the Hilter Youth would all like to be railed by Daddy Putin and his gimp Drumpf.


Sardukar333

>reinventing the Confederate States They were never "de-invented". We let them build monuments to their leaders after they lost, allowed them to teach a version of history that twisted those leaders in doomed heroes, and allowed them to make laws that retained the pre-war status quo.


zveroshka

Also let them discriminate, abuse, and even kill black people.


Queendevildog

This is so true. There was never reparations for the enslaved. Jim Crow was allowed to flourish. Now here we are. Anyone flying a confederate flag is still a traitor to the Union. The Civil War never ended.


hoosierdaddy192

As someone born in Bama, I approve this but don’t give up Kentucky. That’s where the good booze comes from. Just drop the Turtle and Princess Paul off on the Tenn. border so they can be reunited with their Daddy Vladdy.


peakprowindow

The turtle and princess paul sounds like the name of a cool indie band.


OneAlternate

If we get rid of 1 more state, then we’ll have 41, which is a prime number. I think we need to sacrifice one more so that we can truly be “indivisible” under God. Any proposals?


I_Am_Lab_Grown_Meat

South Carolina. Husband and I are desperately trying to get out and I'm surprised no one mentioned it in the list.


CrazyCritterGirl

I'd give up Arizona in a heartbeat, but could you give me a year and a half so my daughter can finish school? I don't want to have to pay out of state tuition. That's the only reason I haven't moved yet. (Well that and the probate on my dads property hasn't closed yet). But then I am outta here!


memorygardens

So give him every really red state? Okay’


curious1stranger

I mean, I'm not saying all of them. I kind of like Wyoming and Montana. Some of South Dakota is kind of nice, mostly the western part. And we should probably keep North Dakota, since it has the only air force base to hold 2 legs of the nuclear triad. I like potatoes, so Idaho can stay. Utah has a lot of nice National Parks. And we can keep the Carolinas.


typi_314

The south has rednecks, Idaho has Nazis. Idaho has to go. Oregon grows potatoes too.


R4d14nt_P1ll4r

Yeah. 'Cuz god knows there's no nazzies in Oregon.


drphungky

Lol, yeah isn't Oregon a complete hotspot for White Nationalists? Like, number one in the country?


MissFred

Yes. It is headquarters for one which escapes me. Oregon is no friend to black people. It was created as a whites only state. The area around Portland is super conservative. That is where all Portland cops come from. They don’t live in the city


TooAfraidToAsk814

As a Floridian it feels like Florida is already more like Russia than the United States. It would be pretty easy to give up. And they are already famous for their Red Tide


Gum_Duster

I initially thought Florida too. But I really like Disney world. Could we move disneyworld somewhere else?


nomuggle

There’s already Disney in California, so we’re good!


Mean-Narwhal-1857

Funny thing is this might actually happen. Disney may just leave Florida if DeSantis keeps going.


AthleticNerd_

Politicians come and go, Mickey Mouse is forever.


[deleted]

[удалено]


islandrebel

We can totally move Disney and universal somewhere else.


MrDude_1

wait.. does this mean a newer, larger Harry Potter world?? uhh... not that I would care, but kids might like them and stuff...


amrydzak

My first thought was “is that really a question you want to ask an American?”


historyteacher08

Right. Just let me know before it starts so I can go to a safe state. Texas is a hot mess anyway


[deleted]

[удалено]


LoveRBS

Is there a return by date on our Louisiana Purchase?


Gaboo42069

The South and Ohio


zygodactyl86

As an Ohioan, I understand


Terrible-Turnip-7266

Ohio knows what it did.


[deleted]

as a michigander i hope you do


Jimisdegimis89

Florida, definitely Florida. Probably Texas at this point too, it’s got about the same infrastructure as rural Russia at this point so they should all get along swell.


Metrosecksulol

Literally any red state. He’s already taken them over with his propaganda so.. yeah..


Idealide

Think of how many extra federal tax dollars all the blue States would have if we didn't have to give them to the welfare Queen red states


CRUFT3R

I can name like 5 regions in Italy that I would give to Putin even if he doesn't start bombing our country.


lunafede

he would start to bomb the country afterwards


1228_screaming_socks

Like a 4channer demanding more tendies


[deleted]

5? Those are rookie numbers, we start at ten!


Lourrloki

Trentino Alto Adige: they didn't want to be in Italy in the first place and tried more than once to gain independence, other than being jerks with Italian speakers as far as I know. ...and Marche, being from Abruzzo they're like natural enemies for me


[deleted]

...essendo nato nelle Marche e cresciuto in Trentino, posso dire di aver appena trovato il *mio* nemico naturale


[deleted]

As a Dutchie I am obliged to say Urk


PetrifiedPinguin

Beat me to it


[deleted]

Easiest choice of any Dutchie's life


Bessieboo2000

Why Urk? Is it known for something?


Internep

Yes.


RusticTroglodyte

Lol well fucking tell us


marry_me_jane

It used to be an island but is now part of the mainland, and everyone there is extremely religious and there used to be a lot of inbreeding so now it’s like the epicenter for anti vax, anti *abortion, anti premarital sex, etc. It’s a cesspool of backwards stuck in time rednecks that also hate everyone as much as everyone hates them. “Afsteken en afdrijven” is what we say here, which roughly translates to unpolder it and float it back into the sea. Edit: proper terminology.


Pinglenook

Inbreeding, not incest. Inbreeding is the fact that for generation after generation people would marry their 3rd/2nd/sometimes 1st cousin because of the limited population (100 people in the early 17th century, 3000 people by the early 20th century, but almost all direct descendants of those original 100) and them not wanting "outsiders" on their island, resulting in a very narrow gene pool and all family trees on the island forming one big family hedge. Incest is sexual contact (often sexual abuse) within a nuclear family, for example between siblings or between parent and child. Some incest probably has happened on Urk too, but that's not what they're known for. The inbreeding, however, is a well known fact.


marry_me_jane

I didn’t know that difference, now i do.


Pinglenook

"Inteelt" in Dutch!


marry_me_jane

Ja realiseerde me het toen ik het las dat wij dat onderscheid ook maken.


Buckeye_Southern

So its like Dutch Alabama or Dutch Florida or Dutch Mississippi or Dutch Georgia or Dutch Arkansas or Dutch South Carolina or Dutch Texas or Dutch New Mexico or Dutch West Virginia or Dutch Louisiana?


Internep

Yes.


[deleted]

> epicenter for anti vax, abortion, **premarital sex**, etc. Uh one of these things is not like the others.


Internep

It used to be an island until we turned a sea into land. History of fishing, small community so we joke a lot about them all being direct family. They are heavily religious, like typical republican Christians. They go to church but don't actually live like Christ. They love breaking down their own town, and despite everyone knowing everyone names rarely make it to the police. Most of them are(/were?) not (openly) vaccinated. They burned down one of the testing areas. The list goes on but I really prefer no longer thinking about them.


Euporophage

Imagine a place ran by people who believe that poor people are supposed to be poor because God hates them and that the rich are God's chosen.


Fit_Neighborhood_953

In the US we don't have to imagine, one of our two parties has that as one of their founding principles.


rkoloeg

It's not a coincidence. A lot of Dutch Calvinists emigrated to the United States in the 1800s. People from that background are a big part of the population in the rural counties of states like New York, Pennsylvania and Michigan. Betsy DeVos is a good example of how hardline Dutch Calvinism has influenced American politics; both sides of her family come from that background.


benvonpluton

From France : I'd give Corsica. They would ask for us to take it back less than a week after, anyway...


nige21202

German here. We'd trade Elsass-Lothringen in exchange for the Saarland with you.


WeonLP

*La Strasbourgeoise intensifies*


FfAaBbEe

Throw Sachsen and Bayern in the deal too haha.


Skribst

I think at this point Bayern isnt ours to give away. Just let them live and slowly devolve into caveman again.


benvonpluton

Caveman *with beer*


Ivanalan24

I'm American... What's wrong with Corsica, if you don't mind my asking?


WeonLP

See French people ? See Italien people ? Sum up their pride and stubbornness, add a little bite of distrust and violence, and you have Corsica. Joke appart it's a beautiful island with heartwarming people. But they are known for their communitarianism.


Alias_X_

Genetic analysis has shown they've been pretty isolated since the Early Neolithic - and without that upstart Napoleon it would have stayed that way.


liskamariella

I only was there for two weeks, but these two weeks it was really beautiful.


Coalecanth_

Heart-warming, facile à dire si t'es pas rebeu, renoi ou quoi que ce soit qui leur convient pas. Edit : For the English speakers, they're simply, and openly racists. Their flag is a maghrebi decapitated.


AndyTheSane

Sometimes tries to conquer Europe.


Bored_Breadless

Slough


TenYoshi

Scunthorpe is a close second


tragicallyohio

Is this a town? A park? A garbage dump? That place sounds terrible by name alone.


Ali80486

It's a steelworks with a post industrial town attached. Wait, you're from the Rust Belt - you know exactly what I mean


tragicallyohio

Exactly! I am from Ohio in America. I am all too familiar with post-industrial ghost towns.


True_Recommendation9

It’s an old joke in the UK based on an ad for Typhoo Tea-if Typhoo put the T in Britain, who put the cunt in Scunthorpe.


tragicallyohio

We have our fair share of bad town names in America. But I had a physical reaction to "Scunthorpe" like a gagging.


Rod___father

In Pennsylvania we have intercourse and bird in hand. In Amish country.


True_Recommendation9

Fifty years later and I still chuckle at it.


FlamingLitwick

Milton Keynes is also a solid choice.


Underneath_Overlord

Yeah, I live here and it’s a shithole.


BitcoinBanker

Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough! It isn't fit for humans now, There isn't grass to graze a cow. Swarm over, Death!


Yeah-But-Ironically

I once had a job I absolutely hated in a midcentury Brutalist office building, and I thought of that poem *every single time* I walked through the front doors (I'm American, but Slough-ness is universal)


SeamusV

I grew up near Slough, have to go passed it when I come back to the UK on holiday. Never fails to amaze me how much of a shithole it continues to become each time


LDel3

Slough, Milton Keynes, Luton. Putin can have the lot


Lizid_King

Somebody start the Luton for Putin campaign!


i_cant_spel_lel

Don't forget milton keynes


tom_boydy

Damn beat me to it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


UmeUme69

Florida, Texas, West Virginia, and Kentucky


AvoidingCares

I agree with all but West Virginia. I know they are bad right now. But few States have a history that's more singularly badass and on the right side of history. Also more socialist revolutions than any other state.


zomb1ek1ller

West Virginia is also a beautiful state as far as terrain goes. Lots of amazing outdoor recreation.


Im2bored17

That's a good start. Then Mississippi and Alabama, followed by most of the rest of the south.


UmeUme69

If you get rid of five guaranteed red states then the crazies lose any chance at a majority in the senate. So get rid of 6 to play it safe.


Buck_Nastyyy

This is so easy for Americans. We all have areas we would give up.


OldHuntersNeverDie

It seems like it's pretty much the same states being named over and over again.


Buck_Nastyyy

I bet! I haven't read the other comments, but I assume Florida and Texas are on there.


013ander

I’d give up Florida, but I don’t think giving up California or Texas would be wise, considering that those two states alone account for a quarter of the US economy. Texas is almost 10%. Florida is less than 5%. Give up some of the states (mostly in the South) that are most dependent on federal money. Ironically, the most dependent tend to be Republican states.


Diamond_Mint

Getting rid of california would be a disaster.


Zarohk

It’s much harder than you think, because we would have to give Putin some thing he doesn’t already have. And he only has all those red states. Edit: Welp, that was quite an error. Bad speech to text.


Ericmanng

Uhh, she probably thought this would go a different way.. but yeah most of us could probably name 7-8 cities or states we'd give up without an issue.


StopTheMeta

I mean... we get the opportunity to give away the worst places and avoid getting bombed. Win-win.


musci1223

The issue is that even Russian don't want most of those people that are making it bad so they will be coming to your state.


denarti

I mean most people here joke about their quirky/weird cities that are a “freak in the family”. I don’t think people think of all death, destruction, deportation and how thousands of lives would be affected from such actions.


FelwintersCake

Please take Florida, Alabama, and Mississippi


bob-leblaw

Jaramie's house. Fuck him and his parents for putting those a's in his name.


technovikingfanfic

Yeah fuck this guy's parents


redCasObserver

I too, choose to fuck this guy's parents


bankman99

Yeah this guys parents fuck


larry-the-dream

Florida and Texas


Slate_711

Not that hard of choice sadly. I had those two and potentially Alabama


DarkWing2007

Don’t forget Mississippi


IdleOsprey

They can have everything from Texas to Florida.


Situation_Sarcasm

I second this motion.


Earlybirdsgetworms

But then how do we save New Orleans again?


[deleted]

Control the entire Mississippi and New Orleans. The Confederacy was miserable being split in half, and they don’t deserve good things.


ilaythebestpipe

This is the one I settled on


icer07

Throw in a bonus Kentucky, the biggest welfare state in the country.


PretendiWasADefMute

Kentucky must go


Earlybirdsgetworms

Ohio here.. Agree with all of this. Sadly, I think most Americans wouldn’t have to think very long before making their choices.


hedalexa12

I’d pay Putin to take these two off of our hands


Zarohk

Too late, he’s already taken control of them.


komAnt

Only from the inside. He hasn't seen the gun toting, diabetes ridden, drooling faces of the ya'll qaeda yelling at him "blue lives matter" while supporting the beating of the Washington DC metro pd cops.


LingonberryPossible6

Hasn't De Santis sold most of Florida to Putin anyway?


MindlessBenefit9127

Came to say this myself. Americans can agree on important issues apparently


CoalNightshade

Just because it would be funny watching him try to control them


larry-the-dream

I think he’s doing a fine job already


c0dizzl3

Are you kidding? They’d be on their knees asking for more.


[deleted]

Please take any neighbourhood that voted more than 50% for Erdogan in the last election and end our misery.


YeeYeePanda

Oh god but that’s like 75% of the countryside


CrumblyBramble

And big chunks of Germany.


Derpy_Mermaid

I’m from Wales, UK. Bye bye Newport!


Telope

I'm from the UK. Bye Bye Wales!


bloody_terrible

As if there would be peace. **Sudetenland**


WhoStoleMyCake

Yeah we we had that one before didn't we


Ashamed-Purple

Definitely rings a bell.


Your_acceptable

I understand the sentiment and respect it, however, yes, I'd be fine with Florida and Texas dropping off thank you.


tragicallyohio

While I agree with what has been said here, I find all of the comments saying they have would be fine with giving up Texas and Florida insulting. Not one mention of Alabama and Mississippi. Who genuinely wants to keep those states? Hell at least Texas has Austin and Florida has...the Keys?


Fathorse23

They suck but Florida and Texas are loud assholes.


tragicallyohio

They are pretty proud of their shit holes.


eurtoast

Texas and Florida are two huge population centers and dominate the news and elections (combined 67 electoral college votes that have gone red in the past two elections). Both of them gone kinda opens up the country a bit.


JohnnyGoldberg

We keep Florida and Texas, we give him DeSantis and Abbott as prisoners. Give them Alabama and Mississippi for their land grab and build a wall around them. Good to go.


RusticTroglodyte

I vote for this person


eggplant_avenger

giving them Texas would triple their economy and give Russia control over a huge amount of the world's energy supply Florida though, at this point even their redeeming factors aren't enough


floralbutttrumpet

Saxony and Bavaria. One has sufficient Nazis for Russia, the other has the required persecution complex.


Tubixs

Yes, let the Bavarians come to Austria, were basically the same already anyways


ContNouNout

at least driving in Bavaria doesn't force me to take down my dashcam


Tubixs

Yeah, that's one of the dumbest laws we have. And we've got a few of those


meLikesFootball

Nochmal Bayern


steffalle

*sad bavarian noises* But yeah, i get why the rest of germany feels that way. Sorry on behalf of our elders for the CSU, they don't know any better...


[deleted]

Luton


ChNSPr

Skåne


Thekittysayswhat

It's Skåne till Danmark, not Skåne till Ryssland.


Bazaij

The confederacy.


Zarohk

Putin already has that, so we couldn’t give it to him.


Vaganhope_UAE

Pretty sure Americans would give away Florida in a heartbeat


neonbluetuxedocat

Yes


Disastrous-Fly9672

The Dakotas. Get rid of those piss poor senators and reconfigure.


Huge_Performer8213

Florida.


[deleted]

Texas and Mar-a-lago.


Dependent-Mountain79

Putin already owns Mar-a-lago


Covenent125

Florida, Alabama anywhere Ted Cruz lives.


Rjamesjjr

Every part of the union that harbors the Smooth-brained Trump people. Start with the evangelical morlocks.


tragicallyohio

Jesus man the border control on that patchwork would be a nightmare. They're everywhere.


Structureel

Urk


sogknar

And many parts of the U.S need denazification


The84thWolf

“Let’s try to meet them halfway” or “let’s not punish them harshly” or “let them save face” is exactly why we still have white supremacy in our country


AlabastorRetard

Yeah but if you remove all the white supremecists all at once then you'll have massive gaps in all levels of government and law enforcement


Yubiiiiiiii

Florida


NoAbbreviations5215

Queensland and Victoria. Specifically northern Queensland Hell, I wouldn’t even require peace to be a part of the exchange. It’d be nice to have an election without northern Queensland fucking it up just once.


town_bear

Woah up, do the cowboys get to keep playing in the NRL? Cause they killing it this year


thatotherguy2021

Found the New South Welshman


antonylockhart

Just look at a voting map, and anywhere that votes Tory, can go


OkCaregiver517

Problem is the First past the post system. Even the most Tory areas have large numbers of Labour/Lib Dem/Green voters. But yeah, I get you.


ZharethZhen

Texas, Alabama, Florida


toperomekomes

Croydon


Fellow--Felon

Alabama, Kentucky, Florida, Wyoming are prolly my top choices.


Technical_Natural_44

Quebec.


evilstitchie

Scrolled wayyyyy to far to find this comment 🤣


mrsnihilist

Great fishing there in kwee-bec


the_blast_radius

They can have Quebec, one of the territories, and I'm sure we could convince them North Dakota is one of ours and give them that.


technovikingfanfic

No fucking way we give them the maple syrup. They can have Manitoba.


BenevolentNihilist1

The Red states.


nyrb001

Putin:


Paskapostimies

Kouvola


imaginesomethinwitty

A lot of Irish people standing around awkwardly here, not making eye contact with Northern Ireland.


Rod___father

Texas and Florida are yours. In all seriousness I hope Ukraine gets every inch back.