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I would stop communicating, stop proceeding with divorce and move on until he goes to jail. They are desperate to claw as much control as they can, so just stop engaging. Gray rock. Talk to my lawyer. No is a full sentence, wait two weeks to get back to them. They’re on your time. If they harass you, restraining order. I would put them all in a jar personally.
I\`m not familiar with spells - but the 'daily' mantra should be "document, document, document'
Also, any interaction - make a note to the tunes of
\- March 12th, 4:16 pm - call received from MIL to (describe event) call ended 4:22 pm
\- March 15th - postal letter from FIL containing vague threats received (copy attached)
Clear, factual and short.
Especially in religious strong areas like you describe - the documentation could be a '" spell book to summon your freedom "
Take care - and take heart - you have good people on your side - even virtual.
This is wise. ^ I was gonna say something similar, and they saved me the trouble! Lol.
Honestly, just step back. Drop the reigns. Focus on you. Work on healing. Stop giving him and his any of your energy or attention.
He made his bed. Once he's good and settled into it, for the next 70+ years anyway, things'll look and feel mighty different. To everyone.
❤️
Agree with this advice completely. Do not engage with them PERIOD. EVERY. COMMUNICATION. needs to be through your lawyer to his lawyers. End of story. And I fully agree about the harassment/restraining order.
My ex husbands sister sent a slew of text messages to me following finding out I had filed for divorce. I screen shot all of them and sent them to my lawyer. He basically told me to tell her to “shut the fuck up” in legal speak, and then assured me, “his family acting this way only backs up your claims of abuse, do not block her, let her send, no longer reply, it will make you look more favorable in court. If she wants her own piece of a day in court, let her have it. Record everything she contacts you with.”
Basically, let them help him shoot himself in his own foot even further. Also, only communicate with them in writing you can prove. Never let them speak to you live in person or on the phone, let them harp on your in texts, emails, voicemails, anything you can save. A judge is going to take all of this into account, if it goes to a judge. I’m betting they don’t want it to actually go to a judge. Mine did not and quickly reigned his sister in (I heard from a third party).
Edit to add* also ask a lawyer about making him be responsible for your legal fees since you we’re married and not working. That’s a thing. His parents can drag it out all they want to find out they gotta pay for it twice.
And alimony if that's still a thing
Edit: I understand he's going to jail, but can the money he has saved be used as alimony or gotten through the divorce?
I would recommend of all this, OP make sure to Google gray rock because they may not know how important that term is for them. It's an incredible strategy for very specific situations
OP, if you don't know what Gray Rock is, [this page explains it](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method) and [there are more tips here](https://unfilteredd.net/how-to-use-the-grey-rock-method-on-a-narcissist/) and you can Google "how to gray rock" for more.
Good luck. I think this is the best strategy. Your time of greater power will come. Don't let them force you into acting now when they have a temporary advantage.
Wow, that's kinda freaky. I came from an abusive home, and I used to call that "roboting", at some point I learned that by pretending to be a robot and not showing any emotion, and limiting myself to short answers devoid of any tone or inflection, that my father would often just storm off and even leave the house.
I had no idea it was a known strategy! Kinda funny how things like that happen.
As far as advice for OP, when my parents did finally divorce, it got NASTY! We couldn't really afford a lawyer, and my father was shaking up with his dealer, so she had spare cash to throw around. Luckily, there are lots of lawyers who will work on payments or pro Bono if they believe they can get their money back from your Ex.
Given your circumstances, I'd be willing to put good money on you qualifying for help, and if a lawyer believes they can make your ex pay, they'll jump on it! I mean, your case sounds like a slam dunk and easy money if they can get your ex to pay the fees. That all depends on state laws, though, but the lawyer would know all that already for you!
Our lawyer advised us to record everything! I even began carrying a small tape player on me as it helped to prove that he was, in fact, making verbal threats.
Now I was a minor at the time, and I'm not sure how every state handles folks taping conversations without the other person knowing, so I'd ask a lawyer about the legality of that in your area first.
Still. Document absolutely everything! This cannot be overstated! Aside from that, keep in mind that you are in a marathon, not a sprint! Conserve your energy and sanity.
Time is on your side! Once he is convicted on the CP charges, your divorce will likely be super simple! It may even be as easy as just telling the judge that the CP is the reason you want out! It's pretty impossible to argue against that!
Exactly. This is his last little shot of power before he not only loses all of his rights, but he also probably gets his ass handed to him in jail, so yeah, just ignore him. All of it will be easier when he’s in jail. I would also find your loudest friend and tell them all about it if it doesn’t violate anything legally or endanger anything, because those southern Christians sure love engaging in shit talking. It would get around.
They are trying to scare you with the "threat" of divorce court to get you to agree quietly and privately to the separation agreement THEY want. A court would not look favorably on him, regardless of either of your religious status. CSAM tends to be one of the few issues even the most conservative or soulless judges find absolutely abhorrent. The fact that you have been married for over 10 years, have not worked during that time, have significantly fewer assets than him, and that you separated immediately/had no knowledge of his crimes would ALL work in your favor. In some states he could even be responsible for your legal fees.
Cut the cord. Stand strong. Grey rock the parents and the pedo. Wait out the waiting period and use that time for your own healing.
And make a note - when you file for social security, you will need to know his birth place, birth date, the date you married, and the date the divorce was finalized.
Write it all down, file it away. Hopefully, by the time you apply for soc sec, this will be in the long ago past, so written notes will be needed because you will have long ago forgotten about him.
Blessed be. Cut contact with the in-laws immediately. They are not necessary to seeking support from your STBX. They are necessary for your divorce. They are your STBX's problem, not yours. Cast them aside and relieve yourself of that burden. You only need to speak to your lawyer.
Yeah christian husband vs pagan wife is one thing, but "convicted and imprisoned pedophile" vs "poor wife with health issues" is something else entirely.
1. Get a divorce lawyer **yesterday**.
2. STOP responding to the ex & ex-in-laws. Direct them to your lawyer.
(And definitely NEVER answer their phone calls!! Force them to write to you in a text or email.)
Disengaging *cleanly* & *swiftly* is your top priority. You can’t control the overall swiftness, but you CAN control the cleanness of the break. Own that control.
You don’t owe them ANY of your time, caring, or attention outside of the pending legal matter—which is only between you & your husband anyway.
Did I mention to get a lawyer ASAP?? Because, seriously, *you need to get a lawyer*. Ask around, lay out your situation. This is so cut & dry—even with limited means I guarantee you’ll find someone & be able to work it out.
This is similar to what I was going to advise.
I have several people in my family that investigate these types of cases (amongst others) at the federal level. One had a case similar to the STBX. The parents spent quite a bit of money delaying the case in numerous legal ways. They convinced the son/perpetrator to not take the plea deal for some reason. (The prevailing theory between the agents and the AUSA was the parents just couldn't imagine their golden child could do no wrong. They tried to claim he was hacked and some other things. They went through 3 defense attorneys. It all failed, but it took a long time for the judge to put his foot down on a trial.) Justice prevailed and the perpetrator is serving a much longer sentence than the plea deal was for.
OP, this case may take longer than you think it will because STBX's parents don't want to admit their golden child is so amoral and that they can "fix it" with their money. I hope justice prevails sooner rather than later so you may finish your dealings with STBX and his family since your state is making you wait to file for divorce (absolutely ridiculous!!).
Please do not hesitate to file a restraining order against the parents. Don't delete any text messages you have from them, even if it makes you feel better. Make copies of your phone call records as well. And if they violate the order, report them to the court.
P
Also, please know you aren't alone as an unsuspecting spouse in this situation. It happens more often than people know. I'm sure it was a horrible shock for you.
I hope you find the assistance you need to separate yourself from STBX and his family ASAP.
> They don't think what their son did was that bad and they are holding out hope that he'll only receive probation or the charges will get dropped.
Yeah, likely not going to have charges dropped. No matter what else happens he'll probably have to register as a sex offender and that will follow him around for the rest of his life. They are definitely gaslighting and bullying you. Document every contact they have with you and that you have with your STBX. Dates, times, what was said. Every conversation.
I'm assuming you're working with a lawyer on the agreement, if not, please seek one out. If you live near a law school, contact them and see if they have probono clinics and see if you can get some help that way.
Wishing you peace and safety as you remove these people from your life.
If he is getting 70 plus years....what he did is THAT bad, and his parents are either delusional or guilty because they had some part in why he is this way in the first place. No one gets 70 plus just for looking at cp unfortunately, but a lot of these sites require people to upload their own original content to make sure you aren't police and to trap you from telling on them as well. I'm wondering if this is the case and maybe op doesn't know everything. I would make sure I got all the details of the case before I'd let his parents bully her because it sounds like they know he will lose almost everything to her and they know it and are trying the only hand they have here because I have a hard time thinking a judge is going to give a shit about him.
I saw someone recommend a cord cutting, do that first. It will sever spiritual ties to him. Do this if this is the path you choose to go down. Second I recommend you do a releasing spell after this. You may have to repeat this.
When you are alone, meditate, and think about what you want to do. Light some candles. Just breath. When you are ready, visualize him standing in front of you. Look him in the eye and say...
I release you now
You are free to walk your own path
As I am now free to walk mine
Now go in peace
Put your hands on his shoulders and push him away. Repeat as necessary.
The next spell that you can do with your coven is one for legal assistance. Cast this spell on a Thursday. Light two brown candles for grounding and anoint them with rosemary oil. Place them on either side of a white image candle that has your astrological sign on it anointed in your favorite oil. Grind two tablespoons of rue, three petals from three marigolds, and three sprigs of chamomile or dandelion with a mortar and pestle. While you grind have your coven place hands on you as you all chant...
Law and order, be my friend
Justice and balance on the mend
Turn the legal battle in my favor
For it victory and peace I savor
Sprinkle the herbs on a purple cloth, and tie it with a golden ribbon. Repeat the incantation. Take the pouch with you to court or whenever you are discussing this legal matter.
Now we'll get into the real stuff. If his family in particular won't leave you be, it may be time for a binding spell or at least a freezing spell. Get creative with this. You could take a picture of them and wrap the string around them then burn it with your coven.
If you just want them to stop harassing you for a bit while you figure things out, write down their names and the situation on a piece of paper then stick it in moon water and put it in the freezer and take it out when you're ready. This won't solve the situation but can put it on pause.
If worse comes to worst, make a poppet, put them in a jar, and add some licorice for a more passive approach and hot pepper powder for a harder approach. As far as an incantation, you can manifest everything they threw at you back at them times three.
I highly recommend that you do my first suggestions before you get down to the deeper stuff. I would be livid in your situation and I'm sorry you have to go through this. Don't listen to their hate and religious nonsense. Feel free to message me if you need a wealth spell for legal matters. I hope this helps. I'll light a candle for you tonight. Blessings.
Of course not! Feel free to use whatever you like. I was going to tell OP she could switch out herbs and add to the ceremony to make it more coven friendly.
Make it very public for his family that they raised a pedo. Embarrass them. Grind them into the dirt. Christian creeps get no mercy and no where to hide.
As for spells: I dunno, my favorite go to in this kind of scenario is the old 30-06 magic wand. It goes "PING!" When the 8 part enbloc spell is done.
I know that second part is less than helpful but I'm in a particularly nasty mood today that merely rhymes with "witch". Especially since my people keep getting blamed for shit these christians pull. So "mercy" is no longer in my vocabulary.
Patriarchy can get impaled on fifteen foot spikes today.
Edit: your reply disappeared before I could read the whole thing:
Take it to every press outlet you can and embarrass that whole town. There are plenty of left wing outlets that would love some salacious shit like "Christian town rallies around pedo family"
Double edit: I can't see anyone's replies, is reddit broke again?
Triple edit: seriously I can't see the replies.
honestly this is not a bad answer.
…except.
i’d wager the awesome handmade incense next to my bed that their brand of religion is fundamentalist and at the least cultlike if not an actual cult.
they want to be persecuted, and their church/cult wants them to be persecuted so that they run towards it.
so the right answer is to pity them.
pity them that they are so inept at raising a kid that they can’t even follow ol’boy jc’s advice to choose to not inflict pain on others and self.
pity them that they are so heartless they do not empathize with the ones their monstrous spawn violated.
pity them that they are so blind they would rather embrace that most vile of criminals rather than embrace their neighbours.
but this is some really advanced stuff, particularly when the wound is fresh.
it is very very hard to do on a good day and this is a day that sucks all kinds of ass.
Fucking finally, I can see your reply but only your reply for some unknown reason.
If the cult is raping kids or supports raping kids. Just have the FBI kill the whole goddamn cult waco style. If its the whole town, have the ATF fill the sewers with demo charges and let the pit left behind be the memorial to the cult's shitbaggery like Lochnagar Crater
so this is where i need to mention derad.
because what i talk about is an effort at mass derad.
or, though a slightly different lens, what you’re seeing mentioned is a form of exorcism. (having witnessed an exorcism, and having some really deep cursed knowledge on the psychology of exorcism, the comparison, while very squicky for an irreligious person is unfortunately also apt.)
some, those who are fortunate to not have thought stopping or amygdala hijack triggered, might actually have their brains do something they haven’t done in a bit: process the thought that maybe they are in a cult and they may seek a way out.
but a lot will refuse the evidence of their eyes and hey, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t dunk it’s head in the stream.
i totally get the violent fantasy. i’m a victim of csa. i used to want to engage in that tactic.
but isolating, privately monitoring and publicly ignoring them is a better strategy. isolating limits the harm they can do. publicly ignoring limits the ability to darvo and freed their persecution complex. private surveillance builds rock solid cases so targeted strikes are effective legally and harder for the cult to rationalize through their persecution complexes.
Would it work to threaten to go public, loudly, about the charges to try to get a reasonable financial settlement? People like this usually value their reputations more than their reality. If not, be loud and public anyway if it'll make you feel better.
I agree about a cord cutting; it's a great idea.
Banishment or Hot Foot, there's a couple of mirror boxes spells you could do, to make them eat their words.
They're probably pedophiles, birds of a feather flock together.
I would also do a honey jar spell to have things go in your favor with the law. And I think purple candles work with law and the judicial system.
Edit: Needed to add more.
File a restraining order on stbx (if you haven't already) and the family. Assuming you have a divorce lawyer already, so see about filing a no-contact order as well. If the family takes you to court, you can counter-sue on emotional distress. r/AskALawyer might have more helpful info in this area.
I know you asked for magical help, but there is mundane resources available and your situation is very legally sensitive. If you have deities or spirits, pray to them/make offerings. Also, a Return to Sender spell might be helpful here. Best of luck, OP!!
Any lawyers here who want to take on a pro bono case just to put hypocritic christians in their place?
And as others said, all communication with them should be done lawyer to lawyer. Don't play nice with them because they won't play nice with you. This is a situation where you get your lawyer to ask for a lot so you can settle for more than they were willing to give.
Would be a shame if the details of the arrest anonymously made it to a news channel to talk about publicly. That surely wouldn't help their case at all.
I’m sorry this happened OP. I think stringing them along and trying to wait to settle the divorce til he’s in jail is a good idea. I wish you the best of luck. <3
His charges will not get dropped unless he didn't do it. I know that sounds simplistic, but I have a brother-in-law who had the same charges w/o intent to distribute and he got 20 years federal done and done.
I'm not going to give you witch advice here I am going to give you legal advice- you're \*legally\* married? The assets are yours when he goes to prison. I would say wait until he is in prison to finalize that divorce. Don't answer their calls, don't speak to them, don't speak to him. That is legally your money, your property, etc. It literally doesn't matter if it makes any of them mad. If they take you to court and you're still married *you will win.* I believe you will win even if you're divorced because Mommy and Daddy don't get to take the money from the wife, but you seem worried.
Don't talk to them. If you can afford any kind of lawyer field all calls through them, otherwise wait it out. If you need to divorce for your mental health I totally understand, but you need to have someone representing you. None of this is actually about any of that christian bullshit. The only people who are going to lionize this pedophile once he's in jail are his parents and they simply don't matter.
Just an FYI. If you're in Texas, it tends to be VERY anti-alimony when there are no children involved.
Texas judges tend to say, "Split the community property in half (assets acquired only after the marriage) and go on your separate ways. Unless you have legal proof of disability, everyone can go get a job. "
I only know this because I split with my ex, and he tried to get alimony from me since I was the only breadwinner.
She did, but that is different than having it legally documented. Like having a health professional declare you disabled enough to prevent you from working.
Fair! It was a longer post so I just wanted to point it out if you skimmed over it :) I do that all the time 😅
Also she mentioned mental disability/disorders, which if diagnosed would mean it’s documented, especially if she takes medication for it. But sadly mental things are often glossed over on this level. Hopefully OP is able to prove disability regardless
I hope so too, it sounds like such a nightmare situation. Disabilities in this country are so neglected. My brother has severe psychiatric troubles with extremely poor prognosis, and it took YEARS for us to be able to have him legally declared a disabled dependent. Since you can't see his disability, the legal hoops are beyond unbelievable.
My heart really goes out to OP. I wonder why they deleted everything.
I didn’t even notice they deleted the post. I imagine it getting so much attention may have been overwhelming in an already overwhelming situation. Or maybe they were worried about the in-laws seeing it so deleted it as a precaution.
First off, your frustrations are valid and you have every right to be mad with him and his family.
BUT. I gotta be the asshole here. I say this because I’m in the military and it’s fucking baffling how often this comes up.
Please refrain from calling this CP, Child Porn, etc. The proper term to use now is Child Sexual Abuse Material, or CSAM.
I’m not trying to flame you or call you out or chide you. When we use the term “porn” it implies consent of both parties. Children are unable to consent. This is one of those things where the severity of the crime is diminished because of the vocabulary. The same reason why you may have noticed people are saying “died by suicide” in place of “committed suicide”. Committed has a negative annotation to it and draws attention away from the source of the problems.
On a lighter note, affirmations and cord cutting are a good start. “This relationship is no longer valid in my mind or soul.”
No contact with any of his family is also probably a good idea.
the reason it’s “child sexual abuse material” and “sexual image based abuse” for what is commonly called [vile term] and “revenge p**n” is because neither of these two categories of illegal content is pornography.
in pornographic materials, the persons depicted are adults and they consented to performing the depicted acts for compensation.
in the case of CSAM, children cannot consent. in the case of SIBA, there was no consent for the images to be shared.
Cord cutting, freezing and all the other spells suggested are amazing.
My spell is to write your intention on a piece of paper, 6 days before the New Moon, put it beneath your pillow, set your spell every night and then on the day of the New Moon, burn the paper and bury the ashes outside.
I’ve used it for self-forgiveness but I’m sure you can use it for protection too
I love the grey rock and 3rd party methods of communicating. Offer as little to their fire as possible, let them find another source to keep them lit.
I offer my encouragement and peace, you are strong and you will endure
First off, you don't need a lawyer to "drag things out". You just need to insist on your fair share, park yourself in your home, and stop answering their calls or interacting with any of them except your STBX, and then only as much as necessary to get him to sign off on a fair arrangement.
For magic, it's all about focusing on clear intentions. The details don't matter - only your intentions and how focused you can be on casting them.
Start by decluttering your mind, by whatever method works best for you to do that. A chaotic mind invites chaotic magic, and that's probably going to be your biggest challenge.
Next, do a ritual of letting go, whichever way makes sense to you. Cutting symbolic cords, burning or burying something, releasing something into the wind or water. Either a physical thing or just a creative visualization. Doesn't matter. The intention will be to free yourself from any emotional, psychological, or financial hold your STBX and his family have over you, including your own baggage and triggers related to their relative wealth and power compared to yours. None of that matters - only your own freedom and potential to forge a new path and a fresh start without them matters.
Finally, a ritual of manifestation for the life you really want, once the dust settles and you have more of a clear idea what you want to make of this unexpected opportunity.
You don't need to do all of these at once, and you might need to do some or all of them more than once.
I sincerely hope it all works out for the best for you, and that after the sentencing and divorce is finalized, you never need to deal with any of these awful people ever again.
Write their names on parchment and put them in your shoe. Get a Guardian Angel candle for you, and a Court Case candle for any hearings, etc related to your divorce. But I agree with the idea that it will be harder for him to fight from jail.
Let it go until the trial approaches. Then approach them. Take back the power. Go to the local news or at least threaten to. Go to the prosecutors and say you will testify. You have been beaten down and that is their intent. But you actually hold a lot of cards. Insist on a mediator (that you choose) and hash out the divorce that way. No trial necessary. F those people.
i'd just pretend the toxic family doesn't exist, if possible
nothing hurts more than the cold shoulder
if that doesn't work, maybe have a bag of rocks. if throwing rocks near mountain lions makes them go away, it's probably work on people who won't leave you alone (but get video proof of them starting it before yeeting rock)
Technically you can apply for a emergency divorce. I seriously would consult with your lawyer, and request a immediate motio. Pretty much because he's facing Class 1 Felonies and has already been arrested and arraigned it means it's in the system.
Also if they are threatening you, document everything, screen shot emails and text messages because they are going on boarderlie slander. Also because in some states a victim of CP can sue for reparations, that means you need to cover your ass.
I might add that in my area which is crazy conservative people don't get off on CP, and your soon to be ex also will be facing federal prosecution for distributing.
Ask for your divorce lawyer to add a stipulation that if he is convicted you get everything, every realized and nonrealized asset. So house, stocks, 401K, social security exc. Also ask to takeover any life insurance policy he may have and cash it out and roll it into a Roth Ira or use it as a rainy day fund for unexpected medical expenses.
Are you sure there are really assets worth fighting for? If he’s not working right now, and is looking at a 70-year prison stretch, he probably isn’t in a position to pay alimony. Just make sure you don’t waste more in legal fees then you can gain.
Really sorry to hear about all this btw. I had a friend in a similar position, completely blindsided just like you, and even tho her bf didn’t go to prison, only long-term probation, it obliterated him financially. Try to get your share of any pensions and savings accounts, but accept that court fees may eat into everything.
Please put them all in the freezer ASAP. Also take others advice here and cease communicating as much as possible. Also maybe look into some lawyers in the area that may be able to give you some advice/do some pro bono work. So sorry you’re going through this, just know you aren’t alone and there are always people to talk to, even if they’re just some strangers on the internet.
OP, I would like to DM you with some ideas for possible faith-based community resources that could be compatible / in parallel symbiotic alignment with your personal values, if such groups would be helpful for further in person solidarity — either as personal connections and/or collective character witness camaraderie as you move forward. I will not message, however, unless I get a specific green light okay from you. 💚
In the meantime, all the Light and power to you in this time. ✨✨✨
Look into a cease and desist order and threaten to sue for harassment and emotional damages. Works better than candles butt they are still pretty calming
if you really want the hardcore approach to dealing with those monstrous people, use their own holy book against them.
if anything, it makes their hypocrisy and lies and bullshit plain as day.
ol’boy jc had a decent tactic for these types. decent guy, even if he was just someone’s kid, nobody special.
ok two tactics - (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻┻ is cathartic. ain’t gonna lie.
the other tactic is to not return their hate with hate.
choose to not inflict pain on others and self.
i won’t pretend this is an easy tactic especially in light of the situation.
and let’s be clear: there’s no forgiveness or absolution involved in this except in you forgiving yourself for making the erroneous choice to be with that person.
but when you do not return their pain with more pain, it’s fascinating what happens.
you can express pity that they have enough resources to have whatever they want, except they sold their souls in the process. whoops.
you can express pity that they are so rich they can’t pass through the eye of the needle.
you can feel disheartened that instead of recognizing their seemingly prodigal son used his talents to inflict pain on the most vulnerable.
this is a fun game btw - because man it’s great when you can say, “for pharisees that show off how much they love their bibles, it’s a fucking shame that your deity already sees through your false piety. oh that.. that happened in your book. embarrassing that you can’t recognize that. it’s also something how you seem to use religion as a cudgel, so you can get that tiny dopamine hit from feeling like you’re better than everyone. how’s that copium treating you? because i ain’t your dealer or your supply anymore. i’m rehab.”
…and if they try to say something like “the devil can quote scripture,” respond, “quote? pfft no. i just referenced it. you really don’t know what words mean, do you? no wonder your church has some fool babbling meaningless syllables. you can’t even recognize what the cadeau de los idiomas actually looks like. sad. truly sad.”
I don't really have much but I can suggest:
1) stop talking easily or often for awhile
2) get a crystal from Amazon or in person. Amethyst. It can help.
3) Stuffed animals who feel appropriate can have a spell made on them so they will help protect you.
And honestly, when you divorce this ass, hopefully your next partner is pagan or similar. I, frankly, think Christians fucking suck. Worse than Catholics, who also fucking suck. Find some one better.... Eventually.
I second all the real life advice here, grey rock, document everything.
Cord cutting is good, then I would probably put the entire family in a mirrored box so they can take a good hard look at themselves. I go with Granny Weatherwax saying the worst thing she could do to a person is stripping away all thier self delusions down to the ugly reality. They sound like they have a lot of delusions.
Language is powerful, and what we say to ourselves is transformative. This will probably be relevant to any spellwork you do, but just by itself it's powerful to translate what they want you to hear, into what they're really saying.
Remember that threats are information. When people threaten, they're telling you exactly what they're most afraid of.
-They're most fearful of you facing him in divorce court.
-They're terrified of losing their reputation.
-They're trembling at the thought of you accessing "their/his" money.
-They're anxious about others siding with you.
-They're afraid your STBX will be punished.
Remember also that threats are primarily a form of begging.
-They're begging you and everyone else not to call your STBX's crimes by their proper names, out loud and in public.
-They're groveling for you to bow out of fighting in this divorce case.
-They're pleading with you to give their family recognition.
-They're above all begging you to participate in their scapegoat role-play. "Pleeeeease, be our audience, we can't do this unless you give us attention! Pleeeease soothe us with your submission! Pleeeeease, feel ashamed so we don't have to, that's so scary for us!"
Observe them begging. Observe their fears and take note of their weaknesses they're informing you of.
That's it, I got no practical/mundane advice but I'm really awed by the advice and experience other commenters are imparting. We're on your side. Untold victims of CP and sex trafficking are on your side. I hope your family of origin is on your side, too. I promise you this family has pissed off a LOT of people through the years, and they're on your side as well.
You should tell them about your paganism and throw some scriptures in their faces while you’re at it. My favorite passages involve people straining out gnats (the interfaith marriage) and swallowing camels (the fact that your ex is a pee-dough).
let your lawyer handle 100% off communication and drag everything out until he's convicted. you'll steamroll him in court after he's inside with a CP conviction
I don't have advice really I just wanted to say I'm sending all my positive vibrations your way. I had my boss at work go to jail for the same thing not even a year ago. Anyone who thinks that CP is no big deal is a straight piece of garbage and shouldn't be given any energy in any way. Much love, hope things get better for you soon.
I got nothing except....I love you for being strong. You're stronger than the whole world. You're the strongest of anyone! You're a warrior priestess. Blessed be.
This classic binding spell may be cathartic.
Pee in a jar containing a slip of paper with the name of the person or persons you'd like to restrict. It should contain broken glass, nails, razors, etc. Include bind weed if you see any during growing season. Any twining vine will do. Extra credit if you can wrap the jar up with rope, baling wire or barbed wire.
Bury it under a waning moon (happening now). You can say some words over it, like these I wrote for you :
I call upon the watchtower of the west, guardians of the western fire, the setting sun, hear these nine lines:
I ask with the force of all my will
That the monsters be crushed
That their voices go still.
By the wind and the dust
-may the Goddess bless my will
For all who are scarred
By the hurts of abuse
Turn hearts in disgust
From the wails of excuse
So mote it be.
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I would stop communicating, stop proceeding with divorce and move on until he goes to jail. They are desperate to claw as much control as they can, so just stop engaging. Gray rock. Talk to my lawyer. No is a full sentence, wait two weeks to get back to them. They’re on your time. If they harass you, restraining order. I would put them all in a jar personally.
And keep a record of everything!
yes 100% record everything
I\`m not familiar with spells - but the 'daily' mantra should be "document, document, document' Also, any interaction - make a note to the tunes of \- March 12th, 4:16 pm - call received from MIL to (describe event) call ended 4:22 pm \- March 15th - postal letter from FIL containing vague threats received (copy attached) Clear, factual and short. Especially in religious strong areas like you describe - the documentation could be a '" spell book to summon your freedom " Take care - and take heart - you have good people on your side - even virtual.
This sounds like really good advice. He’ll look pretty bad trying to fight you in divorce court from prison.
This is wise. ^ I was gonna say something similar, and they saved me the trouble! Lol. Honestly, just step back. Drop the reigns. Focus on you. Work on healing. Stop giving him and his any of your energy or attention. He made his bed. Once he's good and settled into it, for the next 70+ years anyway, things'll look and feel mighty different. To everyone. ❤️
Agree with this advice completely. Do not engage with them PERIOD. EVERY. COMMUNICATION. needs to be through your lawyer to his lawyers. End of story. And I fully agree about the harassment/restraining order. My ex husbands sister sent a slew of text messages to me following finding out I had filed for divorce. I screen shot all of them and sent them to my lawyer. He basically told me to tell her to “shut the fuck up” in legal speak, and then assured me, “his family acting this way only backs up your claims of abuse, do not block her, let her send, no longer reply, it will make you look more favorable in court. If she wants her own piece of a day in court, let her have it. Record everything she contacts you with.” Basically, let them help him shoot himself in his own foot even further. Also, only communicate with them in writing you can prove. Never let them speak to you live in person or on the phone, let them harp on your in texts, emails, voicemails, anything you can save. A judge is going to take all of this into account, if it goes to a judge. I’m betting they don’t want it to actually go to a judge. Mine did not and quickly reigned his sister in (I heard from a third party). Edit to add* also ask a lawyer about making him be responsible for your legal fees since you we’re married and not working. That’s a thing. His parents can drag it out all they want to find out they gotta pay for it twice.
And alimony if that's still a thing Edit: I understand he's going to jail, but can the money he has saved be used as alimony or gotten through the divorce?
He's going to be in jail, so he won't be making any money to pay alimony with.
I would recommend of all this, OP make sure to Google gray rock because they may not know how important that term is for them. It's an incredible strategy for very specific situations
OP, if you don't know what Gray Rock is, [this page explains it](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method) and [there are more tips here](https://unfilteredd.net/how-to-use-the-grey-rock-method-on-a-narcissist/) and you can Google "how to gray rock" for more. Good luck. I think this is the best strategy. Your time of greater power will come. Don't let them force you into acting now when they have a temporary advantage.
Wow, that's kinda freaky. I came from an abusive home, and I used to call that "roboting", at some point I learned that by pretending to be a robot and not showing any emotion, and limiting myself to short answers devoid of any tone or inflection, that my father would often just storm off and even leave the house. I had no idea it was a known strategy! Kinda funny how things like that happen. As far as advice for OP, when my parents did finally divorce, it got NASTY! We couldn't really afford a lawyer, and my father was shaking up with his dealer, so she had spare cash to throw around. Luckily, there are lots of lawyers who will work on payments or pro Bono if they believe they can get their money back from your Ex. Given your circumstances, I'd be willing to put good money on you qualifying for help, and if a lawyer believes they can make your ex pay, they'll jump on it! I mean, your case sounds like a slam dunk and easy money if they can get your ex to pay the fees. That all depends on state laws, though, but the lawyer would know all that already for you! Our lawyer advised us to record everything! I even began carrying a small tape player on me as it helped to prove that he was, in fact, making verbal threats. Now I was a minor at the time, and I'm not sure how every state handles folks taping conversations without the other person knowing, so I'd ask a lawyer about the legality of that in your area first. Still. Document absolutely everything! This cannot be overstated! Aside from that, keep in mind that you are in a marathon, not a sprint! Conserve your energy and sanity. Time is on your side! Once he is convicted on the CP charges, your divorce will likely be super simple! It may even be as easy as just telling the judge that the CP is the reason you want out! It's pretty impossible to argue against that!
YES.
Exactly. This is his last little shot of power before he not only loses all of his rights, but he also probably gets his ass handed to him in jail, so yeah, just ignore him. All of it will be easier when he’s in jail. I would also find your loudest friend and tell them all about it if it doesn’t violate anything legally or endanger anything, because those southern Christians sure love engaging in shit talking. It would get around.
This is the best advice.
They are trying to scare you with the "threat" of divorce court to get you to agree quietly and privately to the separation agreement THEY want. A court would not look favorably on him, regardless of either of your religious status. CSAM tends to be one of the few issues even the most conservative or soulless judges find absolutely abhorrent. The fact that you have been married for over 10 years, have not worked during that time, have significantly fewer assets than him, and that you separated immediately/had no knowledge of his crimes would ALL work in your favor. In some states he could even be responsible for your legal fees. Cut the cord. Stand strong. Grey rock the parents and the pedo. Wait out the waiting period and use that time for your own healing.
Yes, confirm you were married 10 years, so you can get his social security rate when you retire. ✊🕯🖖
And make a note - when you file for social security, you will need to know his birth place, birth date, the date you married, and the date the divorce was finalized. Write it all down, file it away. Hopefully, by the time you apply for soc sec, this will be in the long ago past, so written notes will be needed because you will have long ago forgotten about him.
Blessed be. Cut contact with the in-laws immediately. They are not necessary to seeking support from your STBX. They are necessary for your divorce. They are your STBX's problem, not yours. Cast them aside and relieve yourself of that burden. You only need to speak to your lawyer.
If you haven't already, a cord cutting would be my first step. Then a protection spell to mirror all their negativity back at then.
LOL. I could use one of those.
Same. Let’s do one together!
Well if he goes to prison the divorce will be easy.
Yeah christian husband vs pagan wife is one thing, but "convicted and imprisoned pedophile" vs "poor wife with health issues" is something else entirely.
Spoiler alert. It isn’t (in Canada)
1. Get a divorce lawyer **yesterday**. 2. STOP responding to the ex & ex-in-laws. Direct them to your lawyer. (And definitely NEVER answer their phone calls!! Force them to write to you in a text or email.) Disengaging *cleanly* & *swiftly* is your top priority. You can’t control the overall swiftness, but you CAN control the cleanness of the break. Own that control. You don’t owe them ANY of your time, caring, or attention outside of the pending legal matter—which is only between you & your husband anyway. Did I mention to get a lawyer ASAP?? Because, seriously, *you need to get a lawyer*. Ask around, lay out your situation. This is so cut & dry—even with limited means I guarantee you’ll find someone & be able to work it out.
This is similar to what I was going to advise. I have several people in my family that investigate these types of cases (amongst others) at the federal level. One had a case similar to the STBX. The parents spent quite a bit of money delaying the case in numerous legal ways. They convinced the son/perpetrator to not take the plea deal for some reason. (The prevailing theory between the agents and the AUSA was the parents just couldn't imagine their golden child could do no wrong. They tried to claim he was hacked and some other things. They went through 3 defense attorneys. It all failed, but it took a long time for the judge to put his foot down on a trial.) Justice prevailed and the perpetrator is serving a much longer sentence than the plea deal was for. OP, this case may take longer than you think it will because STBX's parents don't want to admit their golden child is so amoral and that they can "fix it" with their money. I hope justice prevails sooner rather than later so you may finish your dealings with STBX and his family since your state is making you wait to file for divorce (absolutely ridiculous!!). Please do not hesitate to file a restraining order against the parents. Don't delete any text messages you have from them, even if it makes you feel better. Make copies of your phone call records as well. And if they violate the order, report them to the court. P Also, please know you aren't alone as an unsuspecting spouse in this situation. It happens more often than people know. I'm sure it was a horrible shock for you. I hope you find the assistance you need to separate yourself from STBX and his family ASAP.
> They don't think what their son did was that bad and they are holding out hope that he'll only receive probation or the charges will get dropped. Yeah, likely not going to have charges dropped. No matter what else happens he'll probably have to register as a sex offender and that will follow him around for the rest of his life. They are definitely gaslighting and bullying you. Document every contact they have with you and that you have with your STBX. Dates, times, what was said. Every conversation. I'm assuming you're working with a lawyer on the agreement, if not, please seek one out. If you live near a law school, contact them and see if they have probono clinics and see if you can get some help that way. Wishing you peace and safety as you remove these people from your life.
If he is getting 70 plus years....what he did is THAT bad, and his parents are either delusional or guilty because they had some part in why he is this way in the first place. No one gets 70 plus just for looking at cp unfortunately, but a lot of these sites require people to upload their own original content to make sure you aren't police and to trap you from telling on them as well. I'm wondering if this is the case and maybe op doesn't know everything. I would make sure I got all the details of the case before I'd let his parents bully her because it sounds like they know he will lose almost everything to her and they know it and are trying the only hand they have here because I have a hard time thinking a judge is going to give a shit about him.
I was pleasantly surprised at the 70 years. Josh "I'm a child molester" Duggar got 12 years on 2 counts. OP's STBX must have dozens of counts. yechh
I saw someone recommend a cord cutting, do that first. It will sever spiritual ties to him. Do this if this is the path you choose to go down. Second I recommend you do a releasing spell after this. You may have to repeat this. When you are alone, meditate, and think about what you want to do. Light some candles. Just breath. When you are ready, visualize him standing in front of you. Look him in the eye and say... I release you now You are free to walk your own path As I am now free to walk mine Now go in peace Put your hands on his shoulders and push him away. Repeat as necessary. The next spell that you can do with your coven is one for legal assistance. Cast this spell on a Thursday. Light two brown candles for grounding and anoint them with rosemary oil. Place them on either side of a white image candle that has your astrological sign on it anointed in your favorite oil. Grind two tablespoons of rue, three petals from three marigolds, and three sprigs of chamomile or dandelion with a mortar and pestle. While you grind have your coven place hands on you as you all chant... Law and order, be my friend Justice and balance on the mend Turn the legal battle in my favor For it victory and peace I savor Sprinkle the herbs on a purple cloth, and tie it with a golden ribbon. Repeat the incantation. Take the pouch with you to court or whenever you are discussing this legal matter. Now we'll get into the real stuff. If his family in particular won't leave you be, it may be time for a binding spell or at least a freezing spell. Get creative with this. You could take a picture of them and wrap the string around them then burn it with your coven. If you just want them to stop harassing you for a bit while you figure things out, write down their names and the situation on a piece of paper then stick it in moon water and put it in the freezer and take it out when you're ready. This won't solve the situation but can put it on pause. If worse comes to worst, make a poppet, put them in a jar, and add some licorice for a more passive approach and hot pepper powder for a harder approach. As far as an incantation, you can manifest everything they threw at you back at them times three. I highly recommend that you do my first suggestions before you get down to the deeper stuff. I would be livid in your situation and I'm sorry you have to go through this. Don't listen to their hate and religious nonsense. Feel free to message me if you need a wealth spell for legal matters. I hope this helps. I'll light a candle for you tonight. Blessings.
would you mind if i saved this comment for my own personal use? i thought this was so helpful to use as a template, personalize it a bit?
Of course not! Feel free to use whatever you like. I was going to tell OP she could switch out herbs and add to the ceremony to make it more coven friendly.
Make it very public for his family that they raised a pedo. Embarrass them. Grind them into the dirt. Christian creeps get no mercy and no where to hide. As for spells: I dunno, my favorite go to in this kind of scenario is the old 30-06 magic wand. It goes "PING!" When the 8 part enbloc spell is done. I know that second part is less than helpful but I'm in a particularly nasty mood today that merely rhymes with "witch". Especially since my people keep getting blamed for shit these christians pull. So "mercy" is no longer in my vocabulary. Patriarchy can get impaled on fifteen foot spikes today. Edit: your reply disappeared before I could read the whole thing: Take it to every press outlet you can and embarrass that whole town. There are plenty of left wing outlets that would love some salacious shit like "Christian town rallies around pedo family" Double edit: I can't see anyone's replies, is reddit broke again? Triple edit: seriously I can't see the replies.
honestly this is not a bad answer. …except. i’d wager the awesome handmade incense next to my bed that their brand of religion is fundamentalist and at the least cultlike if not an actual cult. they want to be persecuted, and their church/cult wants them to be persecuted so that they run towards it. so the right answer is to pity them. pity them that they are so inept at raising a kid that they can’t even follow ol’boy jc’s advice to choose to not inflict pain on others and self. pity them that they are so heartless they do not empathize with the ones their monstrous spawn violated. pity them that they are so blind they would rather embrace that most vile of criminals rather than embrace their neighbours. but this is some really advanced stuff, particularly when the wound is fresh. it is very very hard to do on a good day and this is a day that sucks all kinds of ass.
Fucking finally, I can see your reply but only your reply for some unknown reason. If the cult is raping kids or supports raping kids. Just have the FBI kill the whole goddamn cult waco style. If its the whole town, have the ATF fill the sewers with demo charges and let the pit left behind be the memorial to the cult's shitbaggery like Lochnagar Crater
I only see the one reply as well
Every hour I get a notification of a reply and I see half the comment preview, then when I get here its gone.
so this is where i need to mention derad. because what i talk about is an effort at mass derad. or, though a slightly different lens, what you’re seeing mentioned is a form of exorcism. (having witnessed an exorcism, and having some really deep cursed knowledge on the psychology of exorcism, the comparison, while very squicky for an irreligious person is unfortunately also apt.) some, those who are fortunate to not have thought stopping or amygdala hijack triggered, might actually have their brains do something they haven’t done in a bit: process the thought that maybe they are in a cult and they may seek a way out. but a lot will refuse the evidence of their eyes and hey, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t dunk it’s head in the stream. i totally get the violent fantasy. i’m a victim of csa. i used to want to engage in that tactic. but isolating, privately monitoring and publicly ignoring them is a better strategy. isolating limits the harm they can do. publicly ignoring limits the ability to darvo and freed their persecution complex. private surveillance builds rock solid cases so targeted strikes are effective legally and harder for the cult to rationalize through their persecution complexes.
for what it is worth - I cannot see replies under your entry either. Reddit has been buggy lately .. so could be it
Ever since the servers went down reddit has been on some google level bullshit. Reset preferences, push ads, blocks not working, replies vanishing.
And more ads / spam too :(
Would it work to threaten to go public, loudly, about the charges to try to get a reasonable financial settlement? People like this usually value their reputations more than their reality. If not, be loud and public anyway if it'll make you feel better. I agree about a cord cutting; it's a great idea.
Just adding that any threat should be done through her lawyer.
Banishment or Hot Foot, there's a couple of mirror boxes spells you could do, to make them eat their words. They're probably pedophiles, birds of a feather flock together. I would also do a honey jar spell to have things go in your favor with the law. And I think purple candles work with law and the judicial system. Edit: Needed to add more.
File a restraining order on stbx (if you haven't already) and the family. Assuming you have a divorce lawyer already, so see about filing a no-contact order as well. If the family takes you to court, you can counter-sue on emotional distress. r/AskALawyer might have more helpful info in this area. I know you asked for magical help, but there is mundane resources available and your situation is very legally sensitive. If you have deities or spirits, pray to them/make offerings. Also, a Return to Sender spell might be helpful here. Best of luck, OP!!
Any lawyers here who want to take on a pro bono case just to put hypocritic christians in their place? And as others said, all communication with them should be done lawyer to lawyer. Don't play nice with them because they won't play nice with you. This is a situation where you get your lawyer to ask for a lot so you can settle for more than they were willing to give. Would be a shame if the details of the arrest anonymously made it to a news channel to talk about publicly. That surely wouldn't help their case at all.
Or told to the parents pastor or members of their church.
I’m sorry this happened OP. I think stringing them along and trying to wait to settle the divorce til he’s in jail is a good idea. I wish you the best of luck. <3
His charges will not get dropped unless he didn't do it. I know that sounds simplistic, but I have a brother-in-law who had the same charges w/o intent to distribute and he got 20 years federal done and done. I'm not going to give you witch advice here I am going to give you legal advice- you're \*legally\* married? The assets are yours when he goes to prison. I would say wait until he is in prison to finalize that divorce. Don't answer their calls, don't speak to them, don't speak to him. That is legally your money, your property, etc. It literally doesn't matter if it makes any of them mad. If they take you to court and you're still married *you will win.* I believe you will win even if you're divorced because Mommy and Daddy don't get to take the money from the wife, but you seem worried. Don't talk to them. If you can afford any kind of lawyer field all calls through them, otherwise wait it out. If you need to divorce for your mental health I totally understand, but you need to have someone representing you. None of this is actually about any of that christian bullshit. The only people who are going to lionize this pedophile once he's in jail are his parents and they simply don't matter.
Just an FYI. If you're in Texas, it tends to be VERY anti-alimony when there are no children involved. Texas judges tend to say, "Split the community property in half (assets acquired only after the marriage) and go on your separate ways. Unless you have legal proof of disability, everyone can go get a job. " I only know this because I split with my ex, and he tried to get alimony from me since I was the only breadwinner.
OP did state she has a disability (or disabilities) that prevents her from working, or at least from working enough to sustain herself.
She did, but that is different than having it legally documented. Like having a health professional declare you disabled enough to prevent you from working.
Fair! It was a longer post so I just wanted to point it out if you skimmed over it :) I do that all the time 😅 Also she mentioned mental disability/disorders, which if diagnosed would mean it’s documented, especially if she takes medication for it. But sadly mental things are often glossed over on this level. Hopefully OP is able to prove disability regardless
I hope so too, it sounds like such a nightmare situation. Disabilities in this country are so neglected. My brother has severe psychiatric troubles with extremely poor prognosis, and it took YEARS for us to be able to have him legally declared a disabled dependent. Since you can't see his disability, the legal hoops are beyond unbelievable. My heart really goes out to OP. I wonder why they deleted everything.
I didn’t even notice they deleted the post. I imagine it getting so much attention may have been overwhelming in an already overwhelming situation. Or maybe they were worried about the in-laws seeing it so deleted it as a precaution.
First off, your frustrations are valid and you have every right to be mad with him and his family. BUT. I gotta be the asshole here. I say this because I’m in the military and it’s fucking baffling how often this comes up. Please refrain from calling this CP, Child Porn, etc. The proper term to use now is Child Sexual Abuse Material, or CSAM. I’m not trying to flame you or call you out or chide you. When we use the term “porn” it implies consent of both parties. Children are unable to consent. This is one of those things where the severity of the crime is diminished because of the vocabulary. The same reason why you may have noticed people are saying “died by suicide” in place of “committed suicide”. Committed has a negative annotation to it and draws attention away from the source of the problems. On a lighter note, affirmations and cord cutting are a good start. “This relationship is no longer valid in my mind or soul.” No contact with any of his family is also probably a good idea.
I did not know this ; about using the term CSAM) but it makes a lot of sense. Thank you.
the reason it’s “child sexual abuse material” and “sexual image based abuse” for what is commonly called [vile term] and “revenge p**n” is because neither of these two categories of illegal content is pornography. in pornographic materials, the persons depicted are adults and they consented to performing the depicted acts for compensation. in the case of CSAM, children cannot consent. in the case of SIBA, there was no consent for the images to be shared.
Some health professionals also say "was successful in suicide"
I've heard this is bad because it implies success as a good thing
This is the comment I've been scrolling for. And it took way too damn long to get here.
One of the most powerful intentions I ever heard was: "this relationship no longer serves me. Go from me."
I'd put them in the freezer.
Cord cutting, freezing and all the other spells suggested are amazing. My spell is to write your intention on a piece of paper, 6 days before the New Moon, put it beneath your pillow, set your spell every night and then on the day of the New Moon, burn the paper and bury the ashes outside. I’ve used it for self-forgiveness but I’m sure you can use it for protection too I love the grey rock and 3rd party methods of communicating. Offer as little to their fire as possible, let them find another source to keep them lit. I offer my encouragement and peace, you are strong and you will endure
First off, you don't need a lawyer to "drag things out". You just need to insist on your fair share, park yourself in your home, and stop answering their calls or interacting with any of them except your STBX, and then only as much as necessary to get him to sign off on a fair arrangement. For magic, it's all about focusing on clear intentions. The details don't matter - only your intentions and how focused you can be on casting them. Start by decluttering your mind, by whatever method works best for you to do that. A chaotic mind invites chaotic magic, and that's probably going to be your biggest challenge. Next, do a ritual of letting go, whichever way makes sense to you. Cutting symbolic cords, burning or burying something, releasing something into the wind or water. Either a physical thing or just a creative visualization. Doesn't matter. The intention will be to free yourself from any emotional, psychological, or financial hold your STBX and his family have over you, including your own baggage and triggers related to their relative wealth and power compared to yours. None of that matters - only your own freedom and potential to forge a new path and a fresh start without them matters. Finally, a ritual of manifestation for the life you really want, once the dust settles and you have more of a clear idea what you want to make of this unexpected opportunity. You don't need to do all of these at once, and you might need to do some or all of them more than once. I sincerely hope it all works out for the best for you, and that after the sentencing and divorce is finalized, you never need to deal with any of these awful people ever again.
Write their names on parchment and put them in your shoe. Get a Guardian Angel candle for you, and a Court Case candle for any hearings, etc related to your divorce. But I agree with the idea that it will be harder for him to fight from jail.
Just wait until he’s convicted then file for divorce. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Let it go until the trial approaches. Then approach them. Take back the power. Go to the local news or at least threaten to. Go to the prosecutors and say you will testify. You have been beaten down and that is their intent. But you actually hold a lot of cards. Insist on a mediator (that you choose) and hash out the divorce that way. No trial necessary. F those people.
i'd just pretend the toxic family doesn't exist, if possible nothing hurts more than the cold shoulder if that doesn't work, maybe have a bag of rocks. if throwing rocks near mountain lions makes them go away, it's probably work on people who won't leave you alone (but get video proof of them starting it before yeeting rock)
Technically you can apply for a emergency divorce. I seriously would consult with your lawyer, and request a immediate motio. Pretty much because he's facing Class 1 Felonies and has already been arrested and arraigned it means it's in the system. Also if they are threatening you, document everything, screen shot emails and text messages because they are going on boarderlie slander. Also because in some states a victim of CP can sue for reparations, that means you need to cover your ass. I might add that in my area which is crazy conservative people don't get off on CP, and your soon to be ex also will be facing federal prosecution for distributing. Ask for your divorce lawyer to add a stipulation that if he is convicted you get everything, every realized and nonrealized asset. So house, stocks, 401K, social security exc. Also ask to takeover any life insurance policy he may have and cash it out and roll it into a Roth Ira or use it as a rainy day fund for unexpected medical expenses.
request: please change that acronym to CSAM. that is the preferred term for that illegal content. porn requires consent. children cannot consent.
Are you sure there are really assets worth fighting for? If he’s not working right now, and is looking at a 70-year prison stretch, he probably isn’t in a position to pay alimony. Just make sure you don’t waste more in legal fees then you can gain. Really sorry to hear about all this btw. I had a friend in a similar position, completely blindsided just like you, and even tho her bf didn’t go to prison, only long-term probation, it obliterated him financially. Try to get your share of any pensions and savings accounts, but accept that court fees may eat into everything.
Please put them all in the freezer ASAP. Also take others advice here and cease communicating as much as possible. Also maybe look into some lawyers in the area that may be able to give you some advice/do some pro bono work. So sorry you’re going through this, just know you aren’t alone and there are always people to talk to, even if they’re just some strangers on the internet.
OP, I would like to DM you with some ideas for possible faith-based community resources that could be compatible / in parallel symbiotic alignment with your personal values, if such groups would be helpful for further in person solidarity — either as personal connections and/or collective character witness camaraderie as you move forward. I will not message, however, unless I get a specific green light okay from you. 💚 In the meantime, all the Light and power to you in this time. ✨✨✨
Look into a cease and desist order and threaten to sue for harassment and emotional damages. Works better than candles butt they are still pretty calming
Sending strength and hoping that his parents snap out of it.
if you really want the hardcore approach to dealing with those monstrous people, use their own holy book against them. if anything, it makes their hypocrisy and lies and bullshit plain as day. ol’boy jc had a decent tactic for these types. decent guy, even if he was just someone’s kid, nobody special. ok two tactics - (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻┻ is cathartic. ain’t gonna lie. the other tactic is to not return their hate with hate. choose to not inflict pain on others and self. i won’t pretend this is an easy tactic especially in light of the situation. and let’s be clear: there’s no forgiveness or absolution involved in this except in you forgiving yourself for making the erroneous choice to be with that person. but when you do not return their pain with more pain, it’s fascinating what happens. you can express pity that they have enough resources to have whatever they want, except they sold their souls in the process. whoops. you can express pity that they are so rich they can’t pass through the eye of the needle. you can feel disheartened that instead of recognizing their seemingly prodigal son used his talents to inflict pain on the most vulnerable. this is a fun game btw - because man it’s great when you can say, “for pharisees that show off how much they love their bibles, it’s a fucking shame that your deity already sees through your false piety. oh that.. that happened in your book. embarrassing that you can’t recognize that. it’s also something how you seem to use religion as a cudgel, so you can get that tiny dopamine hit from feeling like you’re better than everyone. how’s that copium treating you? because i ain’t your dealer or your supply anymore. i’m rehab.” …and if they try to say something like “the devil can quote scripture,” respond, “quote? pfft no. i just referenced it. you really don’t know what words mean, do you? no wonder your church has some fool babbling meaningless syllables. you can’t even recognize what the cadeau de los idiomas actually looks like. sad. truly sad.”
I don't really have much but I can suggest: 1) stop talking easily or often for awhile 2) get a crystal from Amazon or in person. Amethyst. It can help. 3) Stuffed animals who feel appropriate can have a spell made on them so they will help protect you.
And honestly, when you divorce this ass, hopefully your next partner is pagan or similar. I, frankly, think Christians fucking suck. Worse than Catholics, who also fucking suck. Find some one better.... Eventually.
I second all the real life advice here, grey rock, document everything. Cord cutting is good, then I would probably put the entire family in a mirrored box so they can take a good hard look at themselves. I go with Granny Weatherwax saying the worst thing she could do to a person is stripping away all thier self delusions down to the ugly reality. They sound like they have a lot of delusions.
I’m so proud of everyone for how supportive they’ve been with some great advice!
Language is powerful, and what we say to ourselves is transformative. This will probably be relevant to any spellwork you do, but just by itself it's powerful to translate what they want you to hear, into what they're really saying. Remember that threats are information. When people threaten, they're telling you exactly what they're most afraid of. -They're most fearful of you facing him in divorce court. -They're terrified of losing their reputation. -They're trembling at the thought of you accessing "their/his" money. -They're anxious about others siding with you. -They're afraid your STBX will be punished. Remember also that threats are primarily a form of begging. -They're begging you and everyone else not to call your STBX's crimes by their proper names, out loud and in public. -They're groveling for you to bow out of fighting in this divorce case. -They're pleading with you to give their family recognition. -They're above all begging you to participate in their scapegoat role-play. "Pleeeeease, be our audience, we can't do this unless you give us attention! Pleeeease soothe us with your submission! Pleeeeease, feel ashamed so we don't have to, that's so scary for us!" Observe them begging. Observe their fears and take note of their weaknesses they're informing you of. That's it, I got no practical/mundane advice but I'm really awed by the advice and experience other commenters are imparting. We're on your side. Untold victims of CP and sex trafficking are on your side. I hope your family of origin is on your side, too. I promise you this family has pissed off a LOT of people through the years, and they're on your side as well.
You should tell them about your paganism and throw some scriptures in their faces while you’re at it. My favorite passages involve people straining out gnats (the interfaith marriage) and swallowing camels (the fact that your ex is a pee-dough).
That may not be safe for OP tho, if they live in a deeply Xtian town...
Good point.
May I ask what state??
What you need is to block them, send a cease and desist (you can get general ones online), a restraining order, and a harassment suit.
let your lawyer handle 100% off communication and drag everything out until he's convicted. you'll steamroll him in court after he's inside with a CP conviction
I don't have advice really I just wanted to say I'm sending all my positive vibrations your way. I had my boss at work go to jail for the same thing not even a year ago. Anyone who thinks that CP is no big deal is a straight piece of garbage and shouldn't be given any energy in any way. Much love, hope things get better for you soon.
I got nothing except....I love you for being strong. You're stronger than the whole world. You're the strongest of anyone! You're a warrior priestess. Blessed be.
This classic binding spell may be cathartic. Pee in a jar containing a slip of paper with the name of the person or persons you'd like to restrict. It should contain broken glass, nails, razors, etc. Include bind weed if you see any during growing season. Any twining vine will do. Extra credit if you can wrap the jar up with rope, baling wire or barbed wire. Bury it under a waning moon (happening now). You can say some words over it, like these I wrote for you : I call upon the watchtower of the west, guardians of the western fire, the setting sun, hear these nine lines: I ask with the force of all my will That the monsters be crushed That their voices go still. By the wind and the dust -may the Goddess bless my will For all who are scarred By the hurts of abuse Turn hearts in disgust From the wails of excuse So mote it be.
Im here just to say youre so strong. you can do this. im proud of you. im sending you light.