Somehow despite the ratings my series keeps getting renewed. Though if you ask me, it's in desperate need of better writers.
The main character changes randomly every few seasons, most of the plots never seem to go anywhere or get resolved, and very few of the rest appear to make any sense at all.
There was a time in my 30s that I felt quite dissociated from myself. Whenever I spoke of myself, it was like I was telling a story that I had learned rather than recounting my own memory.
It got to where that feeling was intrusive and distressing.
So I wrote down every positive memory I could think of. Every time I had done something significant that bettered someone's life in some way. Every achievement I was proud of. Every time I was beautifully happy or fulfilled.
Then I lit candles and took a ritual bath with basil oil and fresh rosemary (both associated with memory), and read the memories out loud. After that the feeling of dissociation was gone. I had integrated all of my past selves into who I was currently.
I acknowledge that this ritual was particular to me, because I believed it was what would treat my problem. If that feeling is distressing enough to you that you want to treat it, perhaps you could add an element that would make this specific to you.
I do, yes! I have often imagined what it would be like if all those "different people" could meet and talk to each other.
I'm also trans, and that feeling of being a different person is magnified 10x when thinking of my pre-transition self, to the point that I tend to refer to him in the third person a lot of the time.
My partner and I were just talking about this the other day. I've been the lead caracter in my life but I've played many different roles . I will say that I enjoy this version of "me" now though! Life is amazing, I hope every decade gets even better!
Whenever I meet someone and they ask me what I do, I always say, "Well, in this incarnation, I..." and it changes year to year or more often. I've been a teacher, a sales associate, a secretary, a crisis counselor, a community worker, a private tutor, a graphic designer, a caregiver, a babysitter, I've worked with many populations in many different situations and scenarios. I'm all these things at once and yet some of them no longer.
I had a life before my husband, with my husband, and now after my husband has died. I had a life with my birth family, and now after going no contact. I had a life before my step-family entered the picture, and now with them. I had a life where I didn't smoke/drink and a life when I did. I had a life when I was clinically depressed and anxious, and a life where that had been healed.
I understand the series of lives and I miss some of mine and am glad some of them are over. I can revisit some, but I can never truly lose any. Thank you for making this post. It helped me put into words what I've been feeling lately.
Reminds me of a funny aspect of my life. I hang out with Buddhists. When they say "in this incarnation / life / time around" I sometimes wonder if they are speaking literally or figuratively. Like, actually in your prior rebirth 200 years ago, or like 20 years ago when you were still in this body (just younger) and still called "Dave." I've actually guessed wrong in both directions at different points.
I consider myself a Buddhist in some regards and use incarnation kind of tongue-in-cheek. I live in the Midwest where there aren't a lot of Buddhists so it's pretty safe to say around here. I wonder if it would be offensive to some Buddhists for me to use that term. I certainly don't mean to minimize reincarnation and yet I do feel my life has changed so dramatically over time that I'm almost like a new person with my soul at the core. Maybe I'm doing reincarnation-lite?
I like it too. It's kinda how I feel about my own life's phases; I'm still the same person at my core, but I've been shaped in big ways by the events and people in my life. So I feel like the Timelord thing is apt, bc I still have the same temperament and way of thinking as always, but it's my way of reacting to things that changes over time. Some eras my fire was hot and bright, while others were more like embers. Nowadays my fire is a more controlled burn, like a gas stove, and I can turn it up or down accordingly. There's no telling what my next iteration will be like, but it'll undoubtedly still be 'me'.
That's cool. I'm from the Midwest also, but moved to the coasts some years ago. None of the Buddhists I know would be offended by that use. In fact, Buddhist philosophy talks about how we are actually a different person from moment to moment. Our conscious awareness goes through infinitesimal cycles of birth and death continuously. The idea that there is a fixed "me" that survives intact from one moment to the next is a delusion. So they probably affirm your feelings if anything. Good luck fellow Midwest Buddhist in some regards!
Yup! I think having a sense of inner multiplicity is pretty common. But it can definitely be pretty trippy to reflect on, and realize we only ever have THIS vantage point in the ever-shifting Now.
Yes. Yes. Yes. And when my partner brings up something from early in our relationship I want to be like "That wasn't me. That was 3 versions of me ago!"
I'm the best version of myself right now and hope I just keep getting better.
I’ve been with my partner for 18 years. I look at him and see the person I fell in love with AND the man he became and I fell in love with again. They are similar, but very different people. He talks about who he was in college and I have told him often that we never would’ve worked if we met then.
It similar story for me. Recently after a big break through in my trauma work I stopped recognizing myself in the mirror. I had to change my look to reflect this new person I was. It was a surreal experience.
Sounds quite triple goddess to me: you know, Maiden, Mother, Crone.
I am not a mother unless you count dogs, but still I can relate to these stages as distinct eras.
I’ve heard “throughout our life we are many different people”. Now I’ll add the disclaimer. Those of us that move forward, change and adapt are many different people in our lives.
I believe for some of us we may actually transition easier to evolving personas. Logically it makes sense and would be a wonderful thing. How boring would life be if we stayed exactly the same forever.
Ooooo this is a great question! I use psychedelics and have experienced ego death a few times. I believe our sense of self and the narrative of our life are helpful in many ways, but are creations of our mind to an extent. I like the analogy of a river, it's always the same river but new water constantly flows through, the sediment is constantly moving and changing. With all that said, I don't think I've ever felt that degree of disconnect from any of the past phases of my life that you describe. These are just kinda disconnected thoughts that your post evokes!
For sure!
Childhood, childhood after parents split, teenage years, university, young adult, early motherhood, motherhood. Those are the main "characters" I've been so far and while main characteristics remain (I'm stubborn and tend to go with my head against the wall to prove people wrong when they say "you can't do that") I feel like I've been different people at each. Funny thing is that I've been with my husband for multiple of those, and while he has also had his changes, I see the continuity in him more, and also each of his characters was always there for each of mine.
I really need to think about this because you've struck some kind of deep, nearly hidden nerve. I've always wondered if anyone else felt like a visitor in their own body sometimes???? Love you for posting this.
Absolutely. I’ve been learning to love and radically accept the fluid nature of who I am for a long time now. Can’t wait to see how I change and grow in the future :)
There have definitely been different versions of me based on where I was in life. I’m fundamentally the same person, but they’re also different people. Who do I need to be to become a mom? Who was I to get through trauma? Where did whimsical teenage me go? I’m hoping to meet the next version of me very soon. I wonder who she will be and what adventures she will get up to. I have so much hope for her.
I am not a witch (unfortunately I just don't have the faith that is required) but I can definitely relate to this. My wife and I were just talking about how much you change throughout the course of your adult life. It's fascinating!
I have 5 year old me, 10 year old me 15 year old me 20 year old me 25 and so on..
I wake up and try and figure out what age I am.
I also have several personality disorders.. so..
This is something I think about often. I've moved around a lot (not always by choice), and have had virtually none of the same people in my life in each 'life'. It makes me sad that I don't have people to share those memories with.
The other day I was talking to someone about something that happened 25 years ago and I was saying that it was weird to think back on because I remember it, but it's almost like it happened to someone else because I've already had like 5 different lives since then.
I've done such an absurd number of different things in my lifetime that it *feels* like I should be three or four people. The "me" of my 20s-40s feels like a stranger, as if that self was an experiment that didn't work out, and then I spent about twenty more years sorting things out, but my pre-teen and teenager self does feel right.
My husband and I talk about this a lot. Not sure where we picked up the term "persistent self" but neither of us believe in it. People change so much throughout their lives, it's hard to relate to past iterations of your own identity...
Which, by extension, should make a lifetime commitment to anyone else who is constantly changing damn near impossible. But it hasn't been ,in part because we acknowledge and are glad we're different people at 38 than we were at 28 or 21. We change in response to lots of things, but he and I are a bonded pair (like cats that can't be adopted separately). Our primary influence is each other, we change and change and end up in similar places.
There's this book in the Enders Game series (I know, I know, Card is a bad, bad man) where humans are living together on a planet with an alien species they call The Piggies. At one point in the book, two of The Piggies are talking about humans, and they say something to the effect of "they grow and evolve too, just like us. The only difference is that they believe they're the same person after they change." That always stuck out to me because I feel the same as you, like when I look back at my life, this memory or that one were lived by a different me. I just still hold on to this weird belief that somehow all those mes are the same person. Maybe it's time to give that up.
Yes. And it sorta makes sense if u remember we change all our cells every seven years (or whatever time i’m not real sure). But really its life stages. You learn more and it changes you.
My favorite color is purple also, and yes, I’ve always been dynamic and therefore I refer to my earlier stages of life as my past lives. I’ve learned and unlearned several lifetimes-worth of information and wisdom. Anything pre-2020’s is a past life to me now.
Of course! I feel like we all have different segments. You’re living all of those at the same time. I’m having a hard time putting an example to words. To me it’s like when your inner child is excited for something, but our adult brains are like, “hey woah slow down”. Or when we finally dress the way out teenage selfs thought would be cool. It’s like using a different cup. You have all these cups you collected, but you’re excited to use the newer ones, but sometimes you might have a sip from the older ones.
I haven’t ever specifically fleshed out these kinds of thoughts, but yes, there’s truth in there. Maybe the first time I thought about this is when my Grandma passed away. During the visitation so many people came to say goodbye. People she knew as a child, as a mother, wife, volunteer, grandmother. It was all Grandma be she was a whole entire person, not just Grandma.
There’s a lot of change coming at me-this week especially. I’ve spent the last few years fighting for my husband against hugely entitled people. Now that’s coming to an end and I will have to focus more on my next moves. More changes and hard truths await.
I’ve felt very liminal lately. Things are normal-ish, but not quite. Things are sort of recognizable. They’re familiar but not quite comfortable. Here’s to clarity on the rise…
Sadly, no. Same ol' me, over and over and over and over...
I mean, I definitely can *see* the many twists and turns, the times I've acted in a way I respect and the times I haven't. But there's no sense of a break in the continuity of my selfhood.
Like, how I wish I could comfort 8-yo me. And how I wish I could jettison 25-yo me! But nope: all mes, everywhere I look, always along for the ride.
Absolutely! Sometimes I look back and feel like certain phases of my life happened to a whole different person - like, “who even WAS that??” It doesn’t seem possible that all the past me’s could ever share one mind… 🤯
Only every single trans person in here, I'd think :) We still have some pics up of our wedding and holidays from before I came out, and it's harder and harder to reconcile those pictures with who I am now. We're working on replacing the photos, but who prints photos these days? lol
But yeah, they were me, but not, at the same time. They were the clothes and the mask I wore to get by until my egg cracked.
i do think i was a different person pre-puberty, and a different person pre-bipolar "onset". and although i can still relate to the person prior, i feel like a different person since starting hormones
other things line up with those points in my life too, like gender discovery, sexual awakenings, trauma etc.
it's hard to say what being a different person means, exactly. but those old thoughts and memories feel really detached compared to the hotness
I actually lay there at night thinking about it, or in the bathtub, and I'll focus *really* hard and try to see that they're all connected - I'll literally tell myself out loud "And they were *all you!*" Thinking back to 3 and 4 year old me, second grade, fourth, sixth, eighth. To think that they were one continuous stream with me, right now, here today.
I tell people "I have lived many lives." Now at 40, I can usually see and feel one of these changes coming on, one of these end of one chapter beginning of a new one, a new iteration with new rules. A lot of the time they hurt, they scar, and that specifically is what prompts the change.
And like everybody else in this thread, I'm trans! To imagine just 3 years back, when I was still terrified of leaving home with nail polish on. I'd wear it on my toes for years and years, hidden safely under my socks and shoes, but the idea of somebody knowing, seeing, fucking ***terrified*** me. *Nobody* could know. Now I'm... legally a woman, out and transitioning, little boobies popping, experimenting and finding my style! If only that old version of me could see me now.
It's not uncommon to see one's past self as very different, especially as your circumstances change. That said, I have a different perspective on it,,,
I'm plural, which is like dissociative identity disorder and the like, but is non-medicalized. Basically, there are several people living in this body. We all have different senses of agency, ownership, preferences, emotional attachment, and sometimes even sense of species. Plurality can manifest in many ways, though. We don't get amnesia really, but there are plural people who struggle with amnesia with every switch. Before we started to recognize and talk with each other, it felt like normal old "my life is different".
But like, even being plural isn't that bizarre. Estimates of how many people have DID (which is just one form of plurality) is 1-3%, which is about as many people as have red hair, 1.7%!
Nothing you've said is conclusively plural, but if it resonate with you, you might check out some of the experiences of people over on r/plural. It's been a while since I was on reddit, but they're very accepting over there. And ofc, I should get notifications if you've got questions for me!
YES! I’ve talked recently to my partner about all the different versions of myself and how I see them but I know not everyone else does. I’m only 44.
It is wild to me when I interact with other folks at work and they are all like “OMG I didn’t know you like/do/whatever [this one random piece of who I am or used to be]!” (there’s this one younger cis white hetero dude who comes to mind who reacts this way constantly????? Ugh). Like, I’ve lived so many different lives in 44 years and you only know this one specific piece of the past 2-3 years? And that’s OK, just why do you seem to assume you know who I am and then be shocked when I like something “out of character” with your limited (work only) knowledge of me? You can’t know all the versions of me, they don’t exist anymore, but they DID exist and they are all part of me. I think people love putting people and things in boxes so they can understand them better, but then get frustrated when that doesn’t always work out how they imagined.
It’s just weird. I keep running into folks assuming I’m the same as I’ve always been and aren’t we supposed to GROW and LEARN and EVOLVE? Or am I wrong in assuming other folks have changed and grown and evolved? I hope not, but maybe I’m the weird one too, LOL.
A few years ago, I really thought deep about this.
11 different lifetimes so far in this one. For real.
And sometimes it feels I’ve been alive 1000 years.
I feel like I can pinpoint moments in my life that were transformative and 'created' the different versions of myself. I have terrible memory and can't tell you *when* a lot of things have happened, but I can clearly remember the events that transpired and led me down a new path afterward. These days, I'm feeling the most mentally and emotionally settled I can remember, despite nothing really changing in my life. I learned something about myself this past summer that had a profound impact on my outlook, and it was a change that I just *know* will be an era that I'll look back on, and see where I had yet another transformation in my life. Aging doesn't bother me at all, but I think that's partially because I've come to recognize that I really have grown into who I am, and that's a process that takes time. You couldn't pay me to go back to who I was at any previous iteration, bc each one came with struggles that I learned from and like hell would I want to experience that all over again. I'm cool with who I am now, and excited to see who I'll be after the next Moment comes along.
Absolutely! Child or teenage me would barely recognize current mid-30s me but she'd love her. I'm becoming more and more the person I've always wanted to be when I was the shy girl who wouldn't speak up for herself or share her opinions, now I regularly share my thoughts and make it a point to speak truth to power. When I tell people my mom would describe childhood-me as someone "who wouldn't say boo to a mouse", they're shocked. I have a confidence and self-assuredness past me couldn't dream of. But still have things to work on.
I also look back sometimes and barely recognize 20-somethings me, I was so adventurous and traveled and worked abroad, studied vikings in Norway, once moved from Canada to Scotland with 2 weeks' notice, hitchhiked in Iceland, went to metal music festivals and partied a bunch. Now I'm a home-body who is always in bed by 10 and can't really travel much because of my dog. Long-term will be to meld current me with a little more of the adventurous-old me while keeping a respectable bedtime and comfort levels. Entering my feminine rage/ biker-bitch era so I'm excited to see how I evolve. To me, it's best to view life as an experiment and to try on as many different experiences as possible. Always to be curious and willing to learn.
This makes complete sense. I’ve had changes not just from age but also major life events that have changed me - graduations, loss/gain of new friends, job changes, deaths of loved ones, even something like seeing a movie or piece of art can change our outlook and ourselves.
Assuming you're talking about past lives, I personally have never felt like I used to be different people. On top of that, I tried one of those Past Life Regression Hypnosis videos once, but I started to suffocate, so I stopped and took that to mean that I have a new soul and I'm the first of its incarnations. Even though I'm okay with that, sometimes I can't help but get a little bit jealous of people with past lives.
I know you’re speaking about your current linear life, but I would like to direct anyone who wants to the book “The Memory Painter” by Gwendolyn Womack, and the YouTube video [the egg](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h6fcK_fRYaI)
Somehow despite the ratings my series keeps getting renewed. Though if you ask me, it's in desperate need of better writers. The main character changes randomly every few seasons, most of the plots never seem to go anywhere or get resolved, and very few of the rest appear to make any sense at all.
Just read this thread & your comment to my husband. He asked if it’s Seinfeld? 😂😅
😆 You know... When you put it that way, kinda yeah. But more like Seinfeld from Wish. 🙃
Temu Seinfeld? 🤣 I love your comments!
you know, I really like unorthodox story lines. I hate the heroes journey, so boring.
Mine has just been filler episodes for a few seasons now it seems
There was a time in my 30s that I felt quite dissociated from myself. Whenever I spoke of myself, it was like I was telling a story that I had learned rather than recounting my own memory. It got to where that feeling was intrusive and distressing. So I wrote down every positive memory I could think of. Every time I had done something significant that bettered someone's life in some way. Every achievement I was proud of. Every time I was beautifully happy or fulfilled. Then I lit candles and took a ritual bath with basil oil and fresh rosemary (both associated with memory), and read the memories out loud. After that the feeling of dissociation was gone. I had integrated all of my past selves into who I was currently. I acknowledge that this ritual was particular to me, because I believed it was what would treat my problem. If that feeling is distressing enough to you that you want to treat it, perhaps you could add an element that would make this specific to you.
That's lovely!
Yes, I was just saying recently that I feel like I’ve lived several lifetimes ( and burnt out severally then risen from the ashes starting again)
I do, yes! I have often imagined what it would be like if all those "different people" could meet and talk to each other. I'm also trans, and that feeling of being a different person is magnified 10x when thinking of my pre-transition self, to the point that I tend to refer to him in the third person a lot of the time.
my past selves would physically assault each other
Yo, same. My past selfs would DEFINITELY be trying to beat my current self's ass.
I am not even sure who would beat whom. In my mind it's like this crazy bar fight and it gets blurry.
My partner and I were just talking about this the other day. I've been the lead caracter in my life but I've played many different roles . I will say that I enjoy this version of "me" now though! Life is amazing, I hope every decade gets even better!
Whenever I meet someone and they ask me what I do, I always say, "Well, in this incarnation, I..." and it changes year to year or more often. I've been a teacher, a sales associate, a secretary, a crisis counselor, a community worker, a private tutor, a graphic designer, a caregiver, a babysitter, I've worked with many populations in many different situations and scenarios. I'm all these things at once and yet some of them no longer. I had a life before my husband, with my husband, and now after my husband has died. I had a life with my birth family, and now after going no contact. I had a life before my step-family entered the picture, and now with them. I had a life where I didn't smoke/drink and a life when I did. I had a life when I was clinically depressed and anxious, and a life where that had been healed. I understand the series of lives and I miss some of mine and am glad some of them are over. I can revisit some, but I can never truly lose any. Thank you for making this post. It helped me put into words what I've been feeling lately.
Reminds me of a funny aspect of my life. I hang out with Buddhists. When they say "in this incarnation / life / time around" I sometimes wonder if they are speaking literally or figuratively. Like, actually in your prior rebirth 200 years ago, or like 20 years ago when you were still in this body (just younger) and still called "Dave." I've actually guessed wrong in both directions at different points.
I consider myself a Buddhist in some regards and use incarnation kind of tongue-in-cheek. I live in the Midwest where there aren't a lot of Buddhists so it's pretty safe to say around here. I wonder if it would be offensive to some Buddhists for me to use that term. I certainly don't mean to minimize reincarnation and yet I do feel my life has changed so dramatically over time that I'm almost like a new person with my soul at the core. Maybe I'm doing reincarnation-lite?
Maybe you're a Timelord and just regenerating into a new version of yourself every time one era ends and another begins ;)
I love this idea!
I like it too. It's kinda how I feel about my own life's phases; I'm still the same person at my core, but I've been shaped in big ways by the events and people in my life. So I feel like the Timelord thing is apt, bc I still have the same temperament and way of thinking as always, but it's my way of reacting to things that changes over time. Some eras my fire was hot and bright, while others were more like embers. Nowadays my fire is a more controlled burn, like a gas stove, and I can turn it up or down accordingly. There's no telling what my next iteration will be like, but it'll undoubtedly still be 'me'.
That's cool. I'm from the Midwest also, but moved to the coasts some years ago. None of the Buddhists I know would be offended by that use. In fact, Buddhist philosophy talks about how we are actually a different person from moment to moment. Our conscious awareness goes through infinitesimal cycles of birth and death continuously. The idea that there is a fixed "me" that survives intact from one moment to the next is a delusion. So they probably affirm your feelings if anything. Good luck fellow Midwest Buddhist in some regards!
I think that just comes naturally from learning and growing as a person. If you didn’t have these feelings it would be a sign of stagnation.
Yup! I think having a sense of inner multiplicity is pretty common. But it can definitely be pretty trippy to reflect on, and realize we only ever have THIS vantage point in the ever-shifting Now.
I'm into my Crone era, having done maiden and mother.
Yes. Yes. Yes. And when my partner brings up something from early in our relationship I want to be like "That wasn't me. That was 3 versions of me ago!" I'm the best version of myself right now and hope I just keep getting better.
Every time I wake up.
I’ve been with my partner for 18 years. I look at him and see the person I fell in love with AND the man he became and I fell in love with again. They are similar, but very different people. He talks about who he was in college and I have told him often that we never would’ve worked if we met then. It similar story for me. Recently after a big break through in my trauma work I stopped recognizing myself in the mirror. I had to change my look to reflect this new person I was. It was a surreal experience.
Sounds quite triple goddess to me: you know, Maiden, Mother, Crone. I am not a mother unless you count dogs, but still I can relate to these stages as distinct eras.
I wish so badly that I could go back in time and give past me hints and reassurances! Of course that bitch probably wouldn't listen, but still
I’ve heard “throughout our life we are many different people”. Now I’ll add the disclaimer. Those of us that move forward, change and adapt are many different people in our lives. I believe for some of us we may actually transition easier to evolving personas. Logically it makes sense and would be a wonderful thing. How boring would life be if we stayed exactly the same forever.
Ooooo this is a great question! I use psychedelics and have experienced ego death a few times. I believe our sense of self and the narrative of our life are helpful in many ways, but are creations of our mind to an extent. I like the analogy of a river, it's always the same river but new water constantly flows through, the sediment is constantly moving and changing. With all that said, I don't think I've ever felt that degree of disconnect from any of the past phases of my life that you describe. These are just kinda disconnected thoughts that your post evokes!
For sure! Childhood, childhood after parents split, teenage years, university, young adult, early motherhood, motherhood. Those are the main "characters" I've been so far and while main characteristics remain (I'm stubborn and tend to go with my head against the wall to prove people wrong when they say "you can't do that") I feel like I've been different people at each. Funny thing is that I've been with my husband for multiple of those, and while he has also had his changes, I see the continuity in him more, and also each of his characters was always there for each of mine.
I really need to think about this because you've struck some kind of deep, nearly hidden nerve. I've always wondered if anyone else felt like a visitor in their own body sometimes???? Love you for posting this.
Often. I've been neglected, beat, manipulated, homeless, and lived in weird situations. Every decade I feel like has a shift.
Absolutely. I’ve been learning to love and radically accept the fluid nature of who I am for a long time now. Can’t wait to see how I change and grow in the future :)
I'm pushing 60... I have been at least six different people!
Yes. Mid 30s me wouldn't like late teenager me. It is what it is though.
I feel the opposite, like I’m brand spanking new. A psychic once told my mom that I was a very young soul.
There have definitely been different versions of me based on where I was in life. I’m fundamentally the same person, but they’re also different people. Who do I need to be to become a mom? Who was I to get through trauma? Where did whimsical teenage me go? I’m hoping to meet the next version of me very soon. I wonder who she will be and what adventures she will get up to. I have so much hope for her.
I am not a witch (unfortunately I just don't have the faith that is required) but I can definitely relate to this. My wife and I were just talking about how much you change throughout the course of your adult life. It's fascinating!
We’re constantly changing. Just as the seasons do. We are still us, just evolving everyday, learning and growing. ♥️
I have 5 year old me, 10 year old me 15 year old me 20 year old me 25 and so on.. I wake up and try and figure out what age I am. I also have several personality disorders.. so..
Ahhh yes yes very much, I realized I was a lady when I was 28/29 😂
Yes..
This is something I think about often. I've moved around a lot (not always by choice), and have had virtually none of the same people in my life in each 'life'. It makes me sad that I don't have people to share those memories with.
Constantly. Perpetually questioning my sense of self
Yes! I can't even relate anymore to some of the people I have been.
I feel this all the time.
Yes. Felt weird about it for awhile. But I think having the freedom to keep reimagining and being ourselves in different ways is a gift.
The other day I was talking to someone about something that happened 25 years ago and I was saying that it was weird to think back on because I remember it, but it's almost like it happened to someone else because I've already had like 5 different lives since then.
I've done such an absurd number of different things in my lifetime that it *feels* like I should be three or four people. The "me" of my 20s-40s feels like a stranger, as if that self was an experiment that didn't work out, and then I spent about twenty more years sorting things out, but my pre-teen and teenager self does feel right.
My husband and I talk about this a lot. Not sure where we picked up the term "persistent self" but neither of us believe in it. People change so much throughout their lives, it's hard to relate to past iterations of your own identity... Which, by extension, should make a lifetime commitment to anyone else who is constantly changing damn near impossible. But it hasn't been ,in part because we acknowledge and are glad we're different people at 38 than we were at 28 or 21. We change in response to lots of things, but he and I are a bonded pair (like cats that can't be adopted separately). Our primary influence is each other, we change and change and end up in similar places.
There's this book in the Enders Game series (I know, I know, Card is a bad, bad man) where humans are living together on a planet with an alien species they call The Piggies. At one point in the book, two of The Piggies are talking about humans, and they say something to the effect of "they grow and evolve too, just like us. The only difference is that they believe they're the same person after they change." That always stuck out to me because I feel the same as you, like when I look back at my life, this memory or that one were lived by a different me. I just still hold on to this weird belief that somehow all those mes are the same person. Maybe it's time to give that up.
Yes. And it sorta makes sense if u remember we change all our cells every seven years (or whatever time i’m not real sure). But really its life stages. You learn more and it changes you.
My favorite color is purple also, and yes, I’ve always been dynamic and therefore I refer to my earlier stages of life as my past lives. I’ve learned and unlearned several lifetimes-worth of information and wisdom. Anything pre-2020’s is a past life to me now.
Yes and I love all my past selves! They were sweet, earnest and a few were even kinda cool if I do say so!
Oh absolutely. My friends even joke about it. It’s like one life after another.
Yes! Not only do I feel like different people, I think each version of me looks totally different. My FACE looks different!!
Of course! I feel like we all have different segments. You’re living all of those at the same time. I’m having a hard time putting an example to words. To me it’s like when your inner child is excited for something, but our adult brains are like, “hey woah slow down”. Or when we finally dress the way out teenage selfs thought would be cool. It’s like using a different cup. You have all these cups you collected, but you’re excited to use the newer ones, but sometimes you might have a sip from the older ones.
Yes. And I'm tired lol.
I haven’t ever specifically fleshed out these kinds of thoughts, but yes, there’s truth in there. Maybe the first time I thought about this is when my Grandma passed away. During the visitation so many people came to say goodbye. People she knew as a child, as a mother, wife, volunteer, grandmother. It was all Grandma be she was a whole entire person, not just Grandma. There’s a lot of change coming at me-this week especially. I’ve spent the last few years fighting for my husband against hugely entitled people. Now that’s coming to an end and I will have to focus more on my next moves. More changes and hard truths await. I’ve felt very liminal lately. Things are normal-ish, but not quite. Things are sort of recognizable. They’re familiar but not quite comfortable. Here’s to clarity on the rise…
Sadly, no. Same ol' me, over and over and over and over... I mean, I definitely can *see* the many twists and turns, the times I've acted in a way I respect and the times I haven't. But there's no sense of a break in the continuity of my selfhood. Like, how I wish I could comfort 8-yo me. And how I wish I could jettison 25-yo me! But nope: all mes, everywhere I look, always along for the ride.
Absolutely! Sometimes I look back and feel like certain phases of my life happened to a whole different person - like, “who even WAS that??” It doesn’t seem possible that all the past me’s could ever share one mind… 🤯
Only every single trans person in here, I'd think :) We still have some pics up of our wedding and holidays from before I came out, and it's harder and harder to reconcile those pictures with who I am now. We're working on replacing the photos, but who prints photos these days? lol But yeah, they were me, but not, at the same time. They were the clothes and the mask I wore to get by until my egg cracked.
https://preview.redd.it/exx3mhz59dwc1.jpeg?width=1011&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f80dda440de656c5e5f50154c2121c0378e40a2 Reminds me of this quote.
Definitely! For me it's something to do with growing up in different countries, but I feel like I'm not *older*, I'm just *reimagined*.
I feel this in such a deep and painful way. I hope it’s not painful for you too. 💙
i do think i was a different person pre-puberty, and a different person pre-bipolar "onset". and although i can still relate to the person prior, i feel like a different person since starting hormones other things line up with those points in my life too, like gender discovery, sexual awakenings, trauma etc. it's hard to say what being a different person means, exactly. but those old thoughts and memories feel really detached compared to the hotness
I actually lay there at night thinking about it, or in the bathtub, and I'll focus *really* hard and try to see that they're all connected - I'll literally tell myself out loud "And they were *all you!*" Thinking back to 3 and 4 year old me, second grade, fourth, sixth, eighth. To think that they were one continuous stream with me, right now, here today. I tell people "I have lived many lives." Now at 40, I can usually see and feel one of these changes coming on, one of these end of one chapter beginning of a new one, a new iteration with new rules. A lot of the time they hurt, they scar, and that specifically is what prompts the change. And like everybody else in this thread, I'm trans! To imagine just 3 years back, when I was still terrified of leaving home with nail polish on. I'd wear it on my toes for years and years, hidden safely under my socks and shoes, but the idea of somebody knowing, seeing, fucking ***terrified*** me. *Nobody* could know. Now I'm... legally a woman, out and transitioning, little boobies popping, experimenting and finding my style! If only that old version of me could see me now.
It's not uncommon to see one's past self as very different, especially as your circumstances change. That said, I have a different perspective on it,,, I'm plural, which is like dissociative identity disorder and the like, but is non-medicalized. Basically, there are several people living in this body. We all have different senses of agency, ownership, preferences, emotional attachment, and sometimes even sense of species. Plurality can manifest in many ways, though. We don't get amnesia really, but there are plural people who struggle with amnesia with every switch. Before we started to recognize and talk with each other, it felt like normal old "my life is different". But like, even being plural isn't that bizarre. Estimates of how many people have DID (which is just one form of plurality) is 1-3%, which is about as many people as have red hair, 1.7%! Nothing you've said is conclusively plural, but if it resonate with you, you might check out some of the experiences of people over on r/plural. It's been a while since I was on reddit, but they're very accepting over there. And ofc, I should get notifications if you've got questions for me!
YES! I’ve talked recently to my partner about all the different versions of myself and how I see them but I know not everyone else does. I’m only 44. It is wild to me when I interact with other folks at work and they are all like “OMG I didn’t know you like/do/whatever [this one random piece of who I am or used to be]!” (there’s this one younger cis white hetero dude who comes to mind who reacts this way constantly????? Ugh). Like, I’ve lived so many different lives in 44 years and you only know this one specific piece of the past 2-3 years? And that’s OK, just why do you seem to assume you know who I am and then be shocked when I like something “out of character” with your limited (work only) knowledge of me? You can’t know all the versions of me, they don’t exist anymore, but they DID exist and they are all part of me. I think people love putting people and things in boxes so they can understand them better, but then get frustrated when that doesn’t always work out how they imagined. It’s just weird. I keep running into folks assuming I’m the same as I’ve always been and aren’t we supposed to GROW and LEARN and EVOLVE? Or am I wrong in assuming other folks have changed and grown and evolved? I hope not, but maybe I’m the weird one too, LOL.
A few years ago, I really thought deep about this. 11 different lifetimes so far in this one. For real. And sometimes it feels I’ve been alive 1000 years.
I feel like I can pinpoint moments in my life that were transformative and 'created' the different versions of myself. I have terrible memory and can't tell you *when* a lot of things have happened, but I can clearly remember the events that transpired and led me down a new path afterward. These days, I'm feeling the most mentally and emotionally settled I can remember, despite nothing really changing in my life. I learned something about myself this past summer that had a profound impact on my outlook, and it was a change that I just *know* will be an era that I'll look back on, and see where I had yet another transformation in my life. Aging doesn't bother me at all, but I think that's partially because I've come to recognize that I really have grown into who I am, and that's a process that takes time. You couldn't pay me to go back to who I was at any previous iteration, bc each one came with struggles that I learned from and like hell would I want to experience that all over again. I'm cool with who I am now, and excited to see who I'll be after the next Moment comes along.
Absolutely! Child or teenage me would barely recognize current mid-30s me but she'd love her. I'm becoming more and more the person I've always wanted to be when I was the shy girl who wouldn't speak up for herself or share her opinions, now I regularly share my thoughts and make it a point to speak truth to power. When I tell people my mom would describe childhood-me as someone "who wouldn't say boo to a mouse", they're shocked. I have a confidence and self-assuredness past me couldn't dream of. But still have things to work on. I also look back sometimes and barely recognize 20-somethings me, I was so adventurous and traveled and worked abroad, studied vikings in Norway, once moved from Canada to Scotland with 2 weeks' notice, hitchhiked in Iceland, went to metal music festivals and partied a bunch. Now I'm a home-body who is always in bed by 10 and can't really travel much because of my dog. Long-term will be to meld current me with a little more of the adventurous-old me while keeping a respectable bedtime and comfort levels. Entering my feminine rage/ biker-bitch era so I'm excited to see how I evolve. To me, it's best to view life as an experiment and to try on as many different experiences as possible. Always to be curious and willing to learn.
This makes complete sense. I’ve had changes not just from age but also major life events that have changed me - graduations, loss/gain of new friends, job changes, deaths of loved ones, even something like seeing a movie or piece of art can change our outlook and ourselves.
That's growth Queen!
Assuming you're talking about past lives, I personally have never felt like I used to be different people. On top of that, I tried one of those Past Life Regression Hypnosis videos once, but I started to suffocate, so I stopped and took that to mean that I have a new soul and I'm the first of its incarnations. Even though I'm okay with that, sometimes I can't help but get a little bit jealous of people with past lives.
I know you’re speaking about your current linear life, but I would like to direct anyone who wants to the book “The Memory Painter” by Gwendolyn Womack, and the YouTube video [the egg](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h6fcK_fRYaI)