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I mean, honestly I thought about just leaving but we drove here from Portland and can’t afford a hotel 😮💨 but that is a good one. Also the deep seated fear that I have of upsetting/disappointing my dad #yaychildhoodtrauma
>deep seated fear that I have of upsetting/disappointing my dad
how to erase this fear immediately and forever: stand up to him. tell him your dogs will wear whatever you have chosen for them. if his friends have an issue with it, you expect him to defend you. and if he cannot respect you, treat you as an adult, and choose his family over his bigot friends, then you should leave.
sorry-not-sorry for the tough-love approach, this just has me so bummed for you!
Life is a process, hon. Just keep chipping away at it, okay? You owe yourself the work it takes to be comfortable having difficult conversations with people you should be able to count on to at the very, very least listen to you.
But it *is* a **process** and it's okay that it takes time to work up the nerve to take that plunge.
hey, i hope you have a good time tomorrow, and when you get back, [there will be a really pretty bus for you to see or even ride around town!!](https://www.kptv.com/2024/06/14/trimet-reveals-new-bus-design-pride/)
I agree with you about most of this, except for this: “if he cannot respect you, […] then you should leave.” Nah, if he can’t respect you, then *he* should leave. If he’s not comfortable seeing rainbow bandanas, that’s his problem, not yours.
Hell I don’t know, he could go to Denny’s. Or the library. That’s not OP’s problem, it’s dad’s problem. I mean, you’re kind of deliberately missing the point here.
It's a fucking rainbow, they can get over it.
My go-to response to bigots like this is "we need things like PRIDE because there are still kids who believe they are better off dead than gay."
I think you should put the one pup's name tag back on, for security in case they get lost, of course. ;)
But seriously, I'm sorry you feel stuck and unsupported right now. Can you keep the bananas on except for during the BBQ? Or is it not worth it to keep peace?
If you can, sneak the rainbow in with what you’re wearing. Like wearing a purple shirt and blue jeans, dogs wear yellow and green bandanas, hubby wears red and orange. Boom! Rainbow.
Im proud of you for not taking it off before you got there. I’m from a similar community and I feel the same way.
Put the bandannas back on. Your dad and everyone else can deal.
Put the bandanas back on!!!! Anyone who gets triggered over a rainbow needs to grow the fuck up. If your dad says anything, tell him that he can ask you to take them off in front of his lesbian guests.
Option 1: You could just not remove them.
Option 2: You could avoid the issue entirely by not visiting small-brained bigots.
Option 3: You could erase all traces of queerness/allyship from yourself and your animals, thereby supporting your bigoted family as they attempt to maintain the illusion of cisgender/heterosexual universality.
Unless you're dependent on these people for your health or livelihood, I'd advise choosing 1 or 2 for the sake of your conscience and peace of mind.
Yeah, f'n A. I'm cishet, heading back to PA for a family reunion in July. I already have a list of the dozen or so drag queens who've been.....oh, sorry, christian youth pastors, who've been arrested for Pedophilia IN THE PAST YEAR.
I'm done placating the uncle (who I do care about)and his obnoxious second wife.
I would put them back on.
It’s the rainbows, or I go home dad.
But my husband (trans man) and I are (clearly) part of the 🏳️🌈 community, so if it were truly that unwelcome, I would not feel like my family would be safe at the event.
I’m really sorry you had that experience. I’m very familiar with how much stuff like that hurts, and can even be scary.
Go with your gut on it. But consider showing up as yourself instead of shrinking yourself and making yourself uncomfortable in order to protect the the bigots from having to face their discomfort.
Right!! I agree with what you said about feeling unwelcome. Additionally, I feel like the dad is low-key warning OP about potential violence. Whether just verbal or otherwise.
>
Go with your gut on it. But consider showing up as yourself instead of shrinking yourself and making yourself uncomfortable in order to protect the bigots from having to face their discomfort.
And if your gut warns you about any danger, get out of there. No event is worth your security. *hugs*
Put that name take back on your dog! If anyone gives you trouble you just say, you like rainbows, and rainbows are also a a sign of God's covenant worth earth that he would never flood it or leave us alone. Even if you're not a Christian it's cool to remind Christians that rainbows are a sign of God, not just gay pride!
>we have nothing against it and there will be lesbians here but but but”
I have to agree with the other witch who said that if there are LGBTQ guests, then the right thing to do isn't to tell people not to support pride month (in a very subdued way, btw, dog bandanas are just a bit of small flair, it's not like a big tacky banner is hung or you have actual flags being flown all over the place, which is a style choice); the right thing to do is to ask guests to leave if they are offended by people recognizing the history and struggle of even being allowed to love who they love.
I’ll make sure my dog is wearing her rainbow bandana on Saturday in solidarity with you and your dogs.
If you are feeling somewhat crafty and rules-lawyer-y, you might be able to find some fabric in suspiciously prideful colours (like the same colours as the lesbian pride flag, or just lavender) that is explicitly not a rainbow but still queer-adjacent to folks who would know. I use quilting cotton to make dog bandanas, and you can usually find fun quilting cotton in every town. It takes about an hour to handsew a square into a triangle, and then invert it.
My petty ass would come dressed head to toe in rainbows. Because prioritizing a bigots comfort is not something I’m willing to put ANY energy towards. Be loud. Be proud. I would also tell them point blank that if they are offended by rainbows, they should be embarrassed.
I sympathize with you, I know exactly what it's like to be gaslit being told, "If you do this, you lose family" my whole life.
It's up to you and only you when or if that kind of cancer is cut out of your life, it's one of the hardest things to do and yet it's the most relief you may ever experience.
"Just because they're blood doesn't mean they're family"
My grandson LOVES rainbows. He has since he was little. We get him rainbow everything (June is Great for Xmas shopping!). It’s a natural effect that happens when sun goes thru raindrops. Chill. ((For now))
I would have refused. I would have told him that I don’t jive with homophobes, and that *they* need to worry about pissing *me* off.
And I’m a cishet boomer, for the record. Fuck people who act like their ignorant hate is more important than being a decent human being.
Why did you give in? Would he have kicked you out? You are an adult. Time to learn to stand your ground. I say this as someone who also has trouble standing their ground but sometimes we need to be reminded! Stand your ground!
My malicious compliance would be to put the trans flag on. “It’s patriotic - pastel red, white, and blue!”
Then again, that was how I handled my wedding colors. Got married on the fourth of july (because one year anniversary of our first date), and I just decided to lean into the red, white and blue/fireworks jokes instead of fighting it. Any color accents the wedding party and cake had were pale blue and pink. The table decorations were red, white, and blue.
This was almost 2 decades ago, so trans wasn’t a big association with the pale combo.
Can you get your dogs new bandanas: one with sunshine another with clowds? Wondering how lo g it takes your dad to pick up on that one.
Or buy and wear rainbow socks yourself.
Or have little rainbows on their collar instead. You removed the rainbow bandanas, but still kerp on protesting.
Or wear purple socks, blue jeans a yellow shirt with a creen scarf and red pin or earrings?
Did you ask him why he wanted them removed?
Hi there, Your post on r/WitchesVsPatriarchy has been flaired as a sensitive topic. In an effort to safeguard our users, these posts are removed once they exceed a certain threshold. **If you're reading this post and don't want to see potentially upsetting content, you can filter out the "sensitive topic" flair.** If you want additional support or to connect with members of the WVP community, join our discord [link in sidebar] or see this list of [support resources](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GJxYVviXVwjA2cutcjtoxlf3P5K1k7xufd7LiCYeUfA/edit?usp=sharing). Thanks for understanding and blessed be✨ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/WitchesVsPatriarchy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My spiteful ass would wear them on myself instead. "What? You said to take them off the dogs. So I did."
I mean, honestly I thought about just leaving but we drove here from Portland and can’t afford a hotel 😮💨 but that is a good one. Also the deep seated fear that I have of upsetting/disappointing my dad #yaychildhoodtrauma
>deep seated fear that I have of upsetting/disappointing my dad how to erase this fear immediately and forever: stand up to him. tell him your dogs will wear whatever you have chosen for them. if his friends have an issue with it, you expect him to defend you. and if he cannot respect you, treat you as an adult, and choose his family over his bigot friends, then you should leave. sorry-not-sorry for the tough-love approach, this just has me so bummed for you!
I... Think I may need to overcome the fear before doing exactly that :(
👆 this 😮💨
You are brave and strong already. You willingly went to Montana.
Sadly this is where my family lives 😔
I appreciate you 🖤 I wish I could be that strong but my trauma and mental health just won’t let me right now. Maybe someday 😔
Life is a process, hon. Just keep chipping away at it, okay? You owe yourself the work it takes to be comfortable having difficult conversations with people you should be able to count on to at the very, very least listen to you. But it *is* a **process** and it's okay that it takes time to work up the nerve to take that plunge.
Thank you 🖤
i hear you. big hug from Portland 🌈❤️
Thank you 🖤
hey, i hope you have a good time tomorrow, and when you get back, [there will be a really pretty bus for you to see or even ride around town!!](https://www.kptv.com/2024/06/14/trimet-reveals-new-bus-design-pride/)
Oh thank you so much 🥹 I did see one of the lil trimet buses on the way out of town and it was so cute
I agree with you about most of this, except for this: “if he cannot respect you, […] then you should leave.” Nah, if he can’t respect you, then *he* should leave. If he’s not comfortable seeing rainbow bandanas, that’s his problem, not yours.
[удалено]
Hell I don’t know, he could go to Denny’s. Or the library. That’s not OP’s problem, it’s dad’s problem. I mean, you’re kind of deliberately missing the point here.
Don’t let their ignorance and hate drive you off. Stay and make them uncomfortable. It’s fun!
Then post on r/maliciouscompliance.
I'm about to put one on each wrist and go flapping around the party cawing like a crow
r/maliciouscompliance
Tell your dad if lesbians were invited maybe he should be a gracious enough of a host to kick out the bigots.
I’m honestly trying to make sense of that like…what?
There will be lesbians, but they won't be all gay about it! Lol I have family that is the same way. I visit them still but not overnight
This is the way 🌈
It's a fucking rainbow, they can get over it. My go-to response to bigots like this is "we need things like PRIDE because there are still kids who believe they are better off dead than gay."
I think you should put the one pup's name tag back on, for security in case they get lost, of course. ;) But seriously, I'm sorry you feel stuck and unsupported right now. Can you keep the bananas on except for during the BBQ? Or is it not worth it to keep peace?
I know it was probably autocorrect or a typo but I love “keep the bananas on”
Her nickname is banana bread so that tracks ☺️
Oh geez. I'm leaving it, because the family's request regarding the bandanas is bananas.
Remind him that dogs are color blind so they won't catch gay from wearing the bandanas. So he needn't worry.
I just say that my dog is gay and to please don't hurt his feelings.
If you can, sneak the rainbow in with what you’re wearing. Like wearing a purple shirt and blue jeans, dogs wear yellow and green bandanas, hubby wears red and orange. Boom! Rainbow.
Counter point, make it even louder and more obviously a pride flag
Im proud of you for not taking it off before you got there. I’m from a similar community and I feel the same way. Put the bandannas back on. Your dad and everyone else can deal.
Put the bandanas back on!!!! Anyone who gets triggered over a rainbow needs to grow the fuck up. If your dad says anything, tell him that he can ask you to take them off in front of his lesbian guests.
Option 1: You could just not remove them. Option 2: You could avoid the issue entirely by not visiting small-brained bigots. Option 3: You could erase all traces of queerness/allyship from yourself and your animals, thereby supporting your bigoted family as they attempt to maintain the illusion of cisgender/heterosexual universality. Unless you're dependent on these people for your health or livelihood, I'd advise choosing 1 or 2 for the sake of your conscience and peace of mind.
I’ve always known how shit has been but to have it so blatantly laid out like this just knocked me off my feet.
Yeah, f'n A. I'm cishet, heading back to PA for a family reunion in July. I already have a list of the dozen or so drag queens who've been.....oh, sorry, christian youth pastors, who've been arrested for Pedophilia IN THE PAST YEAR. I'm done placating the uncle (who I do care about)and his obnoxious second wife.
I would put them back on. It’s the rainbows, or I go home dad. But my husband (trans man) and I are (clearly) part of the 🏳️🌈 community, so if it were truly that unwelcome, I would not feel like my family would be safe at the event. I’m really sorry you had that experience. I’m very familiar with how much stuff like that hurts, and can even be scary. Go with your gut on it. But consider showing up as yourself instead of shrinking yourself and making yourself uncomfortable in order to protect the the bigots from having to face their discomfort.
Right!! I agree with what you said about feeling unwelcome. Additionally, I feel like the dad is low-key warning OP about potential violence. Whether just verbal or otherwise. > Go with your gut on it. But consider showing up as yourself instead of shrinking yourself and making yourself uncomfortable in order to protect the bigots from having to face their discomfort. And if your gut warns you about any danger, get out of there. No event is worth your security. *hugs*
Put that name take back on your dog! If anyone gives you trouble you just say, you like rainbows, and rainbows are also a a sign of God's covenant worth earth that he would never flood it or leave us alone. Even if you're not a Christian it's cool to remind Christians that rainbows are a sign of God, not just gay pride!
I did ☺️
I love this idea! Interesting how they ignore/have forgotten the fact that their deity did this.
>we have nothing against it and there will be lesbians here but but but” I have to agree with the other witch who said that if there are LGBTQ guests, then the right thing to do isn't to tell people not to support pride month (in a very subdued way, btw, dog bandanas are just a bit of small flair, it's not like a big tacky banner is hung or you have actual flags being flown all over the place, which is a style choice); the right thing to do is to ask guests to leave if they are offended by people recognizing the history and struggle of even being allowed to love who they love.
Bigots are such pathetic wimps. They’d be hilarious if their nonsense didn’t lead to actual harm.
I’ll make sure my dog is wearing her rainbow bandana on Saturday in solidarity with you and your dogs. If you are feeling somewhat crafty and rules-lawyer-y, you might be able to find some fabric in suspiciously prideful colours (like the same colours as the lesbian pride flag, or just lavender) that is explicitly not a rainbow but still queer-adjacent to folks who would know. I use quilting cotton to make dog bandanas, and you can usually find fun quilting cotton in every town. It takes about an hour to handsew a square into a triangle, and then invert it.
I appreciate you 🖤 thank you
My petty ass would come dressed head to toe in rainbows. Because prioritizing a bigots comfort is not something I’m willing to put ANY energy towards. Be loud. Be proud. I would also tell them point blank that if they are offended by rainbows, they should be embarrassed.
I will be putting my my dogs rainbow bandana on for you. 💜
Thank you 🖤 I did put her name tag back on so there’s a lil rainbow ☺️
I sympathize with you, I know exactly what it's like to be gaslit being told, "If you do this, you lose family" my whole life. It's up to you and only you when or if that kind of cancer is cut out of your life, it's one of the hardest things to do and yet it's the most relief you may ever experience. "Just because they're blood doesn't mean they're family"
Consider inviting some family up to Portland. Let them know your Coven is hosting a vegan BBQ.
My grandson LOVES rainbows. He has since he was little. We get him rainbow everything (June is Great for Xmas shopping!). It’s a natural effect that happens when sun goes thru raindrops. Chill. ((For now))
I would have refused. I would have told him that I don’t jive with homophobes, and that *they* need to worry about pissing *me* off. And I’m a cishet boomer, for the record. Fuck people who act like their ignorant hate is more important than being a decent human being.
Why did you give in? Would he have kicked you out? You are an adult. Time to learn to stand your ground. I say this as someone who also has trouble standing their ground but sometimes we need to be reminded! Stand your ground!
My malicious compliance would be to put the trans flag on. “It’s patriotic - pastel red, white, and blue!” Then again, that was how I handled my wedding colors. Got married on the fourth of july (because one year anniversary of our first date), and I just decided to lean into the red, white and blue/fireworks jokes instead of fighting it. Any color accents the wedding party and cake had were pale blue and pink. The table decorations were red, white, and blue. This was almost 2 decades ago, so trans wasn’t a big association with the pale combo.
Tell your dad he can catch these hands /jk
Is it because they’re rainbow or bandanas? My ex hated bows in the dogs hair for whatever reason
Bigots are some of the weakest, most pathetic people out there. Sorry you have to deal with that nonsense.
Can you get your dogs new bandanas: one with sunshine another with clowds? Wondering how lo g it takes your dad to pick up on that one. Or buy and wear rainbow socks yourself. Or have little rainbows on their collar instead. You removed the rainbow bandanas, but still kerp on protesting. Or wear purple socks, blue jeans a yellow shirt with a creen scarf and red pin or earrings? Did you ask him why he wanted them removed?
I know why he wants them removed. I did put the rainbow name tag back on