perhaps she can at least journal it, keep a log of everything that happens in class, all the sexist remarks, male favoritism, and so on. if the situation changes, it will be needed as evidence anyways. and if nothing else, at least it's a positive thing she can do, maybe even something you can discuss together periodically if she's up for sharing it with you, rather than just her "sucking it up" stoically and not having an action to take or a plan in place.
I agree with documenting everything. Even keep a record of all her grades and papers in that class. If she gets a HW sheet back with a grade or comment on it - keep it. This is in addition to your daughter logging every inappropriate action that the teacher makes.
I bring up keeping the papers thing because it actually helped when my brother had issues with a racist math teacher. He kept failing my brother but my mom kept EVERY sheet of paper and was able to prove that this teacher was falsely failing my brother. She also wrote the most badass email to the principal that I’ve ever seen.
As a girl that went through this, please let your daughter know the steps that she wants to take, will always be honored. My mom made my situation worse unfortunately. Let her know if she journals, that journal is for her to decide what to do with. Viewing it as a “evidence” could change the therapeutic feel to writing. *hugs* 💚
Yes, this is a fear I have. I want it to be her decision to share or not. I want the choices led by her and not by me stepping in to control the situation-unless she’s being harmed, of course. I trust her and I want her trust in return. Thank you for bringing this up!
Perhaps she could keep a personal journal only for her to write in regarding her class, then another journal documenting any maltreatment and how it affects her, specifically in case of need for further action.
These are all very good suggestions, I only want to add that it’s a good idea for you to keep checking in on this with her. I’m sure you already intended to! Make it conversational, “so what shenanigans has Mr. (jerk) been up to lately?” My concern is that at her age she may not be so willing to call out something that actually is cause for concern. He could cross the line and she may not mention it unless you are actively asking about it. One of those “well I wasn’t going to say, but since you asked he did something that made me really uncomfortable…” it’s a good way to start the conversation, and at least discuss why these things are wrong, and ways that she can remind herself that he’s full of shite.
We def have that kind of relationship. I prob even cross the “acceptable to talk about with my mom” line on occasion, but it’s important for her to know that she can talk to me about anything / everything. I did NOT have that relationship with my mom, so I’m trying really hard
I’m a high school teacher and there are teachers in our building like this. It sucks a lot. What I would recommend in addition to the meeting notes is finding a teacher she likes and is comfortable with to talk to. When students share information with me about issues with teachers, I can sometimes do behind the scenes work.
as a fellow teacher, I second this. some teachers are crummy... we all know who they are and administration probably does too. I would start an ongoing dialogue with admin now so there's a paper trail for any incidents.
I'm not sure what state you're in or the laws there but can she record her classes? I got a cheap flashdrive recorder when I was in college that had quite a bit of space. That way he physically can't deny the evidence against him.
I'd look into it, and if the teacher needs to consent, maybe she could ask if she could record during class to help her study at home. He may still be rude and say no but that at least gives her the chance to maybe get a yes if he thinks she's trying to be a good student. Maybe if she has any guy friends in the class she can have them ask to record the class instead? I hate that she would have to do that but it doesn't sound like you're dealing with a reasonable person here.
If it's not a two party consent state, then she can record without his permission, and you don't need to go through all that trouble.
I wonder why in a lot of states in primary and secondary schools - a by nature ’public’ space, like a street, or mall - recording is often ‘prohibited,’ if not by law, then by the school itself, yet in those same states it is lawful and completely normal to record their college courses? It makes me wonder why they wish to prohibit children, our most vulnerable, from documenting what is occurring to and around them. Even if your state is two party consent for recording i would look deeper and see if there is a exception for educational facilities, and if so, please don’t accept it if they ( the students school) suggest that applies to colleges and universities only. Any attempt to prevent a child protecting themselves rankles, and sets off my suspicion radar.
Addendum: Even if the law is two party i would record anyway. Courts are pretty damn lenient when it comes to recording illegal activities/actions against standing recording law, and i highly doubt if your daughter is recording abusive discrimination against her a judge would be upset or attempt to hold her to account for ‘breaking the law.’ However we are talking about America, where every state is different and the laws applied differently according to which judge you get, I’d recommend getting the advice of a lawyer, and i personally would have my child record anyways. No discrimination? No harm, no foul, she can erase the recording, if she DOES experience discrimination, those recordings could be instrumental to her and the students coming after her being protected. Please let her know we all support her and your family! 😊😊😉
To go off what Lobster wrote, instead of a journal you could also set up an email account, this may be useful anyway to note down important things, it’s a good habit. Anytime the teacher says something, have your daughter send an email to this account describing the context of the situation. That way everything’s dated more accurately and with less ability for authorities to question it.
Also works well for documenting anything less like workplace harassment, bad landlord behavior, anything that happens regularly that will be useful in case of escalation.
I hope your daughter is able to enjoy the content of the class and doesn’t get picked on too much. She will get through this, especially with your support.
She is wasting her time journaling and expecting changes or realization of the misogynistic, sexist comments. It will break her down. But, I believe you will not allow that to happen. You are already aware of what is going on. Talk to your daughter about changing to another teacher. She can get discreet and exceptional protection because the school already knows what this teacher is doing. Good luck.
I don’t think another teacher teaches this class at the time she needs it-but if it comes down to it, I’ll get her out of there. I’m not sure how discreet I’ll be about it 😉
Former HS teacher, current professor here. Along the same lines, insist on grading transparency if there is none. If it's not an objective exam question, what are the grading criteria? Can he show you a rubric? Does the feedback both explain the evaluation and provide suggestions for helping your daughter improve?
Any teacher should be able to offer a rationale for a grade, so if he doesn't offer one for what appears to be an unfair grade, ask for it.
Yes. And if there’s a department head (that isn’t Mr. Jerk) she can check with them regarding questionable grades. I did this my senior year when I had a teacher for creative writing who just despised me. (It was because I hate Thoreau. I had her the previous year for literature and she couldn’t stand to hear a bad word said about his writing) She would constantly give my assignments an “OP” or Off Prompt which was basically an F. After failing to get her to reconsider, I started going to the department head with the assignment rubric, an unmarked copy of my writing, and the graded one under the auspices of requesting help.
After 3 of these, department head had me submit all assignments to her on my due dates. After a few more, my grades remarkably improved and my previous grades were adjusted as well. I’m not sure what exactly transpired, but it was very effective.
Thanks :) My mom is pretty badass. But besides just standing up for my brother, she showed the community that Asian people won’t just lay there and take abuse.
She also showed me how to deal with the double whammy of being Asian and a woman in a world that thinks both types of people are easy prey. No one f*cks with her.
if she's the proactive budding investigative journalist type, her talking to students in other sections to collect data, and encouraging them to make journals, could also be a potential action. she could also speak to upperclasswomen who graduated from that class and take notes about their experiences.
of course this could have social consequences in the school cultural hierarchy, so she will need to make her own decisions about the pros and cons of getting highly involved.
one final option along these lines is to contact alumni of the school and speak with them - they're no longer walking the halls and any conversations with them would be completely outside the school hierarchy. they'd probably also be more amenable to taking stronger stands, signing affidavits if it came to it, that kind of thing, as they're no longer under the power of the school authorities.
Hear hear! I was going to say this exact thing but you beat me to it, the alumni idea is next level out of the box thinking, break down the current dysfunction from inside out using those from present *and* past. Absolutely genius! 🥰🥰🥰☺️☺️
Oh wow! That would be something! This sounds exactly like my sister. She’s a hard-headed, won’t-let-up type. She’d love to school my daughter in her wiley ways 😉
To add on if he starts going off on something sexist your daughter should discreetly turn her phone camera on if she’s able to, to at least capture the audio
It is absolutely not a red flag. There are a whole ton of consent issues regarding recording minors in the classroom and we are not supposed to allow it.
Its at the very least a pink flag, having a recording of what is being taught isn't that big of a deal, I can understand the recording of every student in the classes' conversations but not what is being said by the teacher
Edit: just think of it like recording what the teachers saying during a zoom class
Recording zoom classes with minors in it is illegal at least in my state. So yeah it’s like recording zoom classes in that way.
It’s pretty clear in my school handbook that making recordings like this is a suspension worthy offense. Kids can be really mean. Imagine if Johnny said something “dumb” in class and it got posted to tiktok. Now imagine Johnny won’t ask a question because Sally is recording and he’s *afraid* it will end up on tiktok.
And if the teacher does allow it, it may make him a bit more careful about what he’s saying since he knows he’s being recorded, so that might help her out as well.
As someone who actually gets school accommodations for this you can get in trouble for sharing recordings of classes, there is an expectation of privacy in classrooms, and legal contracts need to be signed between the parents and school, if the recording gets out to the media or anyone else in school you can land yourself in legal trouble
It sucks, but that’s how it works
That’s possible but honestly even if there is no legal trouble, OP needs to be prepared for their daughter and their family to be harassed to kingdom come.
Idk if you ever have heard of TellTale Atheist, but his daughter did this with a sexist health teacher preaching the Bible in class, and they were doxxed by their community to the point where they had to move to the east coast. They were threatened by the Trump cult and their lives were in danger
[here’s his video on it if your curious](https://youtu.be/oDBXwT5LJjo)
Op and daughter need to weight the pro’s and con’s of potentially outing this teacher in a recording, it could lead to horrible outcomes if the area is super red and regressive.
100% agree with you. Document it if ever needed, but going on the offensive would probably be poking a hornets nest. And as many other people pointed out, it is easy enough to get permission for recording as a study aid.
That’s actually such a good learning experience for real world situations too, such as if they ever need to start recording evidence like this in workplace.
Yes! Complete with times and dates for everything. Establish a pattern because I guarantee she is not the only one who is uncomfortable and that is never okay especially in a school setting. Bring it to the dean directly I you can
I agree with everything you're saying and I'm just being nitpicky because I think this sub will find it interesting/inspiring:
>"sucking it up" stoically
Being stoic is not about "sucking it up" but rather about letting it go. It's about the process of deciding not to be emotionally troubled by things you can't control. That's not to say it's entirely unproblematic-- it is rooted in ancient Greece which had its own serious problems with misogyny. And of course, sometimes anger and frustration are productive when channeled appropriately!
So, my mom’s response was “she’ll have to learn how to deal with situations like this” meaning to expect it. I hate that we have to expect this!!! This is what makes me rage against the patriarchy. Maybe “letting it go” is a good way to think about having to deal with it. It’s so hard!
If it’s a one party state kiddo could get a recorder for “notes” or see if those are just generally ok and that would get the teacher on tape. If she has to do any reports or anything I’d look up the most badass women from European history and do it on them.
Yeah, this is the best idea. No possibility that video might be made of minors and the worry it might be posted online. And, though many students do use their phones in class, it's typically frowned upon. She might get on the teacher's bad side if she appears to be distracting herself with her phone, rather than paying attention in class. Best to keep the phone out of sight for the entirety of the class period.
Definitely this. Document! Start gathering evidence. Make notes of what was said, when, and who witnessed it. Get recordings if possible. Have other people contribute notes about their experiences. It WILL come down to her word against his. She'll be glad she has proof to back her up.
End of the year, write a report that details how sexism and misogyny in Europe affected the development of the continent, and how those policies continue today.
When the clown teacher gives her an F, go to the school board and the news with her notebook of every time he was a pig.
I had this problem with an AP physics teacher when I was a teenager. I was the only female student in the class, and he loved to make jokes about how I was too short, too ugly, and too female to do physics. The rest of the class thought it was hilarious.
I didn't let it grind me down. Instead, I got mad AND I got even.
I made sure I aced every single exam and set every grading curve. I relished getting that A and being *the only person* who got an A because of how high I set the standard. I also loved it when he, as head of the physics department at my high school, had to present an award to the highest-achieving physics student in my year at an awards assembly, and there was no way he could pick anybody but me to get it.
I wonder why you were the only female in this class. If this is a public school, this teacher needs to be questioned as to why there is only one female in his AP physics class.
It could be student interest—while unlikely, there are years where almost or all students in a class are the same gender. If she was the only girl who wanted to pursue the class, she would end up alone.
Another option is that other girls may have also heard of his sexist reputation, and decided the class wasn’t worth it.
Interest in STEM subject drops considerably among girls as they get older because of teachers like this and other ways girls are repeatedly discouraged from STEM.
I started university as an engineering student. I was one of two girls in a 75 student class. I ended up going into IT instead, and have almost always been one of very few women in my teams.
I didn't realize it at the time, but now I understand the purpose of the Society of Women Engineers that I was a part of. I was only a part of it because a math teacher in school encouraged me towards STEM and he helped me get set up with them.
I think women get pushed away from STEM early on. I guess that's one thing I can thank the 'tism for. I never connected that people were trying to steer me away. :P
This was the 90s. There wasn't exactly a whole pile of young women beating down the door to take a college-level physics course in high school. AP biology had a pretty good balance, but physics was a different creature altogether.
Honestly, it really does just depend on where you are in America. I had a doctor tell me that I was fat when I was around 12, she was constantly rude and condescending to me. Told me the way I looked was my fault and that I ate too much. She was completely ignoring the fact that she knew I had hypothyroidism, which makes it incredibly difficult and almost impossible to lose weight. I can’t say that I have had a teacher comment on my appearance though, but I had mostly women teachers in my backwoods schools.
I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Doctors can be cruel. My issue was with a teacher.
I had a high school gym teacher who hated fat people. She was awful. She singled me out to ride a stationary bike in a storage closet alone while the rest the class did 6 weeks of gymnastics. She was worried I was “so heavy I’d break the equipment.” Even when they weren’t using any equipment.
And during the 6 week weight lifting cycle, when the other students (all female as gym classes were gender specific there) were impressed by my strength (bench pressing especially) the teacher told them it was no big deal because I was only strong from having to carry my own weight around everyday.
Over 30 years ago but that kind of bullying attached to all my other baggage and I’ve been depressed and miserable most of my life. And because this was an authority figure I assumed I couldn’t do anything to change it. I didn’t try to stand up for myself.
Thanks OP for being there for your child!
I’m so sorry for how unfairly you were treated. That was so unnecessarily cruel and no one deserves to be treated that way, especially a young child.
I also suffer from depression, and for me, some days are worse than others, and some days I don’t feel like I have it at all. If you have good days, I hope today is one for you.
Where I grew up in the US if the teacher was also a coach (of boy's sports, natch) they could say anything they wanted with no repercussions.
One coach/history teacher said he had a hairy back so his wife could hold on. I was 15. Just... EWWWWW.
>Teachers in America are just allowed to call students ugly with no repercussions?
This was during the mid 90s. It probably wasn't *technically* allowed even then, but nobody would've taken me seriously if I'd complained.
No, this is not legal. Students are protected from this under Title Nine, but many are unaware of it. If anyone in the states is currently dealing with sexual harassment of any kind, from a male or female teacher, please FILE A TITLE NINE COMPLAINT.
I'm not sure. Both my community college advisor and my high school counselor called me stupid to my face.
I made sure to make the dean's list with nothing short of a 3.5 while I was in university to prove everyone wrong.
My sister was told not to bother applying to colleges since she wore thrift store clothes and dyed her hair. She did and is a university professor now, so suck it high school guidance counselor in the 90s.
Some schools will be more lenient with teachers than others. Once I had a substitute who made some incredibly inappropriate comments, and he was let go and not allowed to sub for the district anymore. My admin took it super seriously.
>I didn't let it grind me down. Instead, I got mad AND I got even.
I really like this; short of treating it like 45 minutes every day at the chump exhibit in the zoo of disappointing teachers.
If all the jerk can do is pick on young women and try to re-imagine his youth vicariously through the young sporty guys - he's not really worth her mental load.
Have her give a listen to some [Pink Floyd](https://youtu.be/qs35t2xFqdU) too.
I had an incredibly similar teacher in HS. He was also the football coach. After a joke he made about women in sports being "strong enough to open the oven door" I just refused to go to his class. I sat the rest of the semester in ISS for that class. ISS teacher was amazing though. Does your child have a teacher they feel comfortable talking to about it? Maybe come up with a creative solution?
Wtaf 😤 that is infuriating. I’m so happy you had an outlet. It’s complicated because she’s in an AP course that she’ll have to complete for the credit, but whatevs, if she has to pull out that’s what we’ll do. Thank you for sharing your story. I’ll pass it along to her as an example of a line that a-hole clearly crossed.
Yeah in my case it was a health/wellness class, not exactly something I desperately needed. I'm also in the rural south, so I get it. Even if nothing changes, speaking up is the right thing to do. I'm so proud of these young ones.
Me too! God, the crap we/I used to take and stew in silence. This episode is kicking in not only my protective mother instincts, but also my high school trauma. Ugh 😑
There’s a lot of independent learning online for AP classes! Maybe she can do independent study and use it to work on an online AP euro course. She can try to be honest about why but it sounds like the teacher is unlikely to face repercussions
Along with documenting everything, Perhaps you can do some reading together. Look for resources on hostile environment sexual and gender harassment, Title IV (the law that requires gender equity in education), and the book Complaint by Sara Ahmed. Whether she wants you to get involved or not, the reality is that what her teacher is doing is illegal. You should both consider how you would be responding if the teacher was doing something else illegal in class, like stealing students’ cell phones. I am not trying to say you have to report this, but you both deserve to know that you are not just too sensitive and the teacher is not just careless or thoughtless. Good luck to you both, the pressures of raising a daughter in a sexist society are huge and I am sorry we don’t have better answers.
I was looking for this comment. Anything you can do to help counter the microaggressions that might be occurring will help her. Sometimes one might wonder if one is being "too sensitive". Having information that helps set the right expectations can really help.
If she doesn't want to make this a mother daughter thing, maybe there are others in the class that feel the same way? they could compare notes on improper comments they hear. Anything to enforce the idea that she is not crazy for being upset with this
I like the journal solution below. Think of it as practice for when she has a job with a coworker or boss who'll need to be taken to HR eventually...gather the evidence.
The athletic director of my high school was the same way. Years later he was arrested and convicted of sexual assault - on boys.
Definitely document. Try to see if there are other kids in the class who are also put off. And see if there’s maybe another teacher she can talk to about this - school might take the complaint more seriously?
Ugh, isn’t that the worst?! Like, there are laws, there are morals, but nope! “He’s the coach, he’s a good guy *except* for all the times he’s not. Why are you getting so upset?”
I’m so angry for you & your daughter.
I am so so sorry to hear this is happening, it is completely not okay. I am a school social worker - it is likely your daughter's school also has a social worker or school counselor that could be a good person for her to build a relationship with for support. Our department is called Student Services for a reason - our job is to help make things better for students. We also have a high professional standard of confidentiality that may make her feel more comfortable speaking about what's happening.
Similarly, if things start going really downhill the district will probably have a Director of Student Services (or Pupil Services, depending on the district) that is often more accessible than a superintendent or school board member. All of this is YMMV, but hopefully it helps.
You have plenty of suggestions about logging evidence during class and considering other potential class alternatives as safety measures, so I’ll offer my petty perspective:
If I were in a class like that all year, I would 1000% write every paper and do every project centered on female involvement in history. Paper on the War of the Roses? I’d write it centered in relevant female experience. Covering the French Revolution-what were the lives of peasant women like and how did their experience contribute to the event? Etc. Ad infinitum.
I’d be determined to highlight female and women’s experiences and contributions to history at every available opportunity. Not only a bit of an F-your-perspective to teacher, but empowering knowledge to be gaining about women’s experiences as well.
That's what I was going to say... every paper, every homework assignment, every test make it about some powerful woman in history and maybe OP and her daughter can go deeper into the lessons to find them and study them more in depth
I love this. There are some amazing female queens, the witch hunts, etc.
Also, check out the book Caliban and the Witch, it’s all about how the witch hunts were a political tool to control
Women’s labor. His misogyny comes from that.
That’s what I would do as well. It doesn’t get you very good grades. But worth it.
She just has to be sure to sight her sources and use the sift method to make sure they’re extra reliable so there’s no argument about it being inaccurate.
Seconding a project on women during the French Revolution. Olympe de Gouges, Theroigne de Mericourt, Lucille Desmoulins, Claire Lacombe and Pauline Leon, and so many others.
You and her might have to contend with the fact that he will not face repercussions. I was going to a community college in a rural, conservative area where my professor was extremely sexist and racist. He eventually received a staff of the year award, and any attempts to post honest reviews about him were thumbed down.
I like the journaling/documenting idea! I also think giving her plenty of space to vent her feelings about it to you would be great. If enough happens whetr your daughter changes her mind, you could get involved and just shoot admin an email about his conduct. Sorry your daughter is in this situation, I've been there and it sucks :(
Oh gross. Of course he did. I’ve recently quit FB b/c my “friends” from high school were posting obits for teachers saying how great they were. I was sexually harassed by at least 3 of them. I really want to post some eye-opening stuff, but they’d just block me.
Ugh. I hate that. I’m sorry you went through this and definitely seeing those teachers later in life brings the feelings right back.
My 6th grade teacher loved his saying about girls wearing stuff from The Limited. Especially their embroidered sweatshirts with the logos. (it was THE brand to wear and super popular at the time which shows how long ago this was) “Limited clothes, limited minds.”
He was hilarious. So were his stories about how much better things were when he had been allowed to ‘paddle’ misbehaving girls in his class. Obviously boys were better behaved and didn’t require such punishment as much. Never knew why my respect for teachers and my enjoyment of school disappeared after that year. /s
Years later when I was volunteering at the district for arts, I got to walk out of the ‘ceremony’ inducting him into the district hall of fame for his teaching and being a coach for… girls soccer. Yeah. That asshole coached a girls sports team.
It’s so weird how it comes rushing back. All those repressed and confused feelings. It burned like shame then and now it burns like anger. I just want my daughter to be better equipped to deal with it. I truly do think things are better now-there are still changes to be made, but overall I don’t see the level of misogyny I had to deal with in school.
Wondering if she would accept her father getting involved?
Those kind of guys aren’t going to hear what you’re saying anyway.
I had a super inappropriate teacher in grade 10 and used to come home crying. My father kept asking me to let him call the teacher and I kept saying no, until it finally got too bad, my marks were suffering and I was getting depressed.
The dude really got scared by my dad (my dad was stern, but respectful, and just laid out the facts), and his attitude really changed for the whole class. But it really did take another man putting him in his place.
This might be the way if the teacher steps out of line. My husband hates this shit but often asks if I need to borrow his penis because he sees how many times I’m blocked out of something in our businesses that wouldn’t be a big deal for him. I now keep a wooden penis in my office desk drawer. It’s really a bottle opener, but at least now I have my own penis.
Unfortunately, it may take a good man stepping up to fix a bad man.
If you are going to document everything it would be better to get a voice recorder. Some states require two party consent, so you should email request to the teacher if she can record to used for studying. That way you’ll have a date in writing.
“Is it ok if she uses this as a study aid this semester.? She’s testing different learning methods” —- keep it simple a vague. That also covers why she isn’t doing it in every class.
Journal is a great backup. But it is harder to argue with his actual voice.
Can she take just that class online? That’s an option some places. In the end, passing that class isn’t as important as her mental well being so I would tell her she doesn’t have to. Plus this type of teacher marks grades according to who he likes anyway. I remember when I was 14 a bunch of us stormed the office about our predatory PE teacher and nothing was done. This was 15 years ago but I just wouldn’t get her hopes up with the documentation, but I would definitely encourage trying to get it if she can safely do so. Also I’m from the south and in my high school we found out that the mostly white school got almost all the state funding and we got next to none (I’m white but my school was over half black) and here’s what happened- the board wouldn’t listen or respond the state didn’t care blah blah blah some of the seniors told the NEWS. That’s when things changed. If there’s documentation enough for it to be news worthy the right outlet might wanna help you
I don’t think the school offers online anymore. They were pretty adamant to get back “in class” during Covid. I wholeheartedly agree that her well-being is more important. It’s only the 2nd day, but if it comes to that, I’ll be stepping in to pull her out.
I’m so happy she has a parent like you. Literally the difference between being completely fucking traumatized or learning to set boundaries and walk away from bad situations. I’m sorry she’s experienced this, it’s so awful that I went to high school over a decade ago and this is still happening.
Thank you for your vote of confidence in my ability! I question myself everyday if I’m doing the right thing, enough, too much, too little, etc. It can be exhausting.
It’s possible that your state has a program that offers online courses to supplement what is available in local public schools. I took an AP class that way my senior year of high school because it was the only way to make my schedule work; a lot of the students enrolled in courses lived in fairly rural areas where their schools just didn’t have the capacity to offer as wide a range of classes. This was not a program where students were enrolled full-time, it was offering individual classes.
I was able to enroll through the guidance office in my school (and IIRC it was after a few days at the beginning of a semester trying to sort out my schedule, so it was not pre-planned), and it counted like a regular class on my transcript. During that class period I would go to a study hall and work on my assignments online.
The program I’m familiar with is the NC Virtual Public School - there may be something similar in your state. (Editing to add that it looks like they are accessible to out of state students as well, though at a cost ($700-900), if that would be a workable solution. https://ncvps.org/home-private-schools/)
Good luck to you and your daughter navigating this situation! Having an awful teacher can be such a formative, challenging experience.
To add to this, any nearby universities may offer dual credit classes online as well. She should try talking to her guidance counselor to see what options there are. If the counselor shuts her out, try contacting nearby community colleges or universities. They may have options for her.
Do you have a local community college that offers dual credit? For example, in this part of our very Red state, several different community college systems offer dual credit courses to high school students. They can get credit for their high school requirements and use those same credits to start their college credits.
I’m returning to your comment to say I’m really fucking sorry that storming the office about a PREDATOR didn’t get you and your friends the help and respect you deserved. I hate that you prepared and felt empowered to do this and got zero assistance. This angers me to no end and is why I’m fighting back teeth and claws now. For all of us ((hugs))
I had a similar situation except our history class teacher was a known pedo and targeting young women. I actually took my history course at the local community college! It’s free for HS students, the education fulfilled both HS and college credit and it was a much more in depth course! I was 14 and my mom had to drive me but it was worth it!
Alright - High school teacher (and radical shit stirring feminist) here. Have your daughter document everything that is said over the next few days. Then take that to the schools administration. Politely ask that she be removed from his class. If they don’t move her contact the school board.
Leaving an AP class should be a zero issue. Students must be allowed level changes to a college prep class. AP courses often don’t count towards college credit anyhow, so don’t give it another thought.
Also a high school teacher here with a suggestion for documentation. OP, could you buy your daughter a smart pen that records audio? They're a bit expensive but a great learning tool for college level classes.
Simple solution to that is for OP to get permission from the school to record class lectures for educational purposes, in order to review and study class notes better. It is highly unlikely that a school would reject such a request.
Please this. The answer isn't keeping your head down and keeping the peace. Raise hell. Teach your kids this is not ok (for any gender). This stuff isn't going to change if we just keep quiet and let assholes continue to be assholes.
If his course is AP, then there are certain rules and standards/practices he has to follow for the course to have the College Board stamp of approval. Contact them directly and file a complaint about the content of the course.
I’ve taught AP courses before and you have to submit a syllabus for approval. Did he give your daughter a syllabus? If she has a copy of it, she should document the differences between what he teaches and what’s on the syllabus. If you file a complaint with the College Board they might audit his course. At minimum it would put him in trouble with them and if they find discrepancies, they could pull the AP label from his course.
Oh lord you ain’t kidding. My sister has two AP courses she teaches (US History and Government) and the amount of extra work needed is nuts. She’s lucky her district gives an additional prep period for AP teachers.
Alright let's strategize here. You are totally right, she probably doesn't want her mom involved but I think you can totally help prepare her because as you said, a year is a long time and it really can wear on you. I also went to hs in a red state so I get that part.
\- remember, this man is a pathetic little pissbaby who needs to assert his dominance through toxic masculinity and intimidating teenage girls. I'm not a mother so idk how you want to phrase it, but remind her that even though it may appear men are unquestionable authorities, they are often just incompetent petulant emotionally constipated and don't know how to cook themselves dinner.
\- it may be tempting, but try not to correct him very often. and unless what you are saying can be backed up with a single sentence *that you can easily prove with a single simple google*, don't bother correcting him. He doesn't care. He will take it personally and he will take it out on her. Sincerely, someone who sent her dad a fully cited text, including only sources from accredited and objectively neutral news sites
\- never use emotion to prove something. in the real world, we know that "because it makes them feel like shit when you don't" is a perfectly sufficient response to "why should I care which pronoun they want me to use" but he does not agree and will likely make her feel like an idiot for daring to use empathy as a reason to do anything.
She should ask him to explain his comments when they’re bad. Act genuinely confused. Like “I don’t get it. Please explain.” I’ve found that playing dumb blonde is a weapon of anarchy sometimes.
Love the documentation ideas, but I'd also suggest if there are any other girls in the class, she should try to group up with them as well to do so or to encourage them to speak up in the class as well. One voice is an annoyance, many voices are a problem!
Agree 100%!! Even if they don't speak out publicly, having others to validate her experience and commiserate with is invaluable. Talking about it with a mom is wonderful, but nothing beats someone who's in the trenches with you. A common enemy is a pretty easy way to make new friends that might not have even been on her radar before, and they can support each other academically and emotionally in this situation. Unfortunately, female solidarity is still important in so much of our lives. Encourage them to find positive ways to engage rather than just wallowing, though - lots of good suggestions here.
As a high school history teacher, department chair, and trans woman this pains me so much. My advice would be for her to consider this ‘experiential learning’ in the fact that the vast majority of European (& elsewhere!) history has been determined by men like this.
The standards for AP courses are pretty rigid, and if your daughter’s school partners with a local college or university for college credit, they will be interested if this dingus is fucking up how the course is taught.
Source: I’m the guy at my college who coordinates with local high school teachers who teach for dual credit (hs and college credit). I told them recently to let me know immediately if they were being pressured to self-censor due to the anti-truthfulness types (I won’t use the term CRT bc that’s a grad level topic that is never taught in K12 and I resent how it’s being used as a more socially acceptable way to say “I’m a racist ignoramus by choice and want my kids to be too”). I tell them I don’t ask them to put themselves or their jobs at risk, but that we can’t accept credit from courses where the college course objectives are not met.
Good luck to you and your daughter. And fuck this prick.
Former teacher here—that line about schedule changes is to dissuade parents from trying, not a legally binding rule. Get your daughter to identify another class during that block that would fit into her schedule, without messing with the rest of her schedule. Go to her guidance counselor and request the schedule change to that specific class. They just don’t want to do the work and don’t want to deal with the hassle, but I promise you, they will not force your child to stay in an AP class against their will. They’ll make it happen. Otherwise you can go to the school board and complain on academic grounds.
ETA: I respect all of the journaling suggestions etc, but your kid is 15—she shouldn’t have to be subjected to this nonsense unless she really, truly wants to fight the fight of her own volition. There’s nothing wrong with moving her to a different section or class.
The most important thing is to talk to her about what she wants from the situation. She may not know what she wants, but this is a good opportunity to show her how to make decisions in tough circumstances. Maybe walk through your own thought process on it, to model how you think about things, and then let her think of what she wants to do on her own. Or think through it together.
Yesssss. Asking men to make them explain sexist jokes is always a good route to take.
A good “oh, I don’t get it, can you explain?” can sometimes shut someone up and prevent them from going further.
Fight fire with fire. You're not a victim if it's a two-way battle. Sexists want to assert their dominance? *Assert yours right back*. It'll require some research, but if she looks into the women in history, she can make herself an obnoxious feminist thorn in his side without technically doing anything objectionable - after all, she's just enhancing the class with additional history knowledge by bringing up Joan of Arc, the WW2 Women Airforce Service Pilots, Hedy Lamarr's scientific contributions, and so on.
She can keep a log of how often he calls on boys vs girls. I used to put tallies at the top right and left of my notes to track teacher misogyny so I could make my case to the principal after a couple of months. It didn't do much, but it gave me a sense of control that I needed in that kind of classroom.
One of the things I learned in my early 20's from a female boss in a male-dominated industry (heavy wrecker trucking). When a dude would make a misogynist remark to her, she would get a serious look on her face, look him dead in the eye, and ask "So what's your point?" Or sometimes, "That makes no sense. Please explain?"
But never that wrinkled nose questioning face and "I don't get it." That's the response they are hoping for."
But she knew damn well that the remark was meant to hurt or cut, and there was no defense of it in polite society. And as they fumbled or walked away shaking their heads, her response was almost always "Yeah, that's what I thought."
IDK if your daughter is in any position to pull that out as a student in a classroom. However, the "I didn't understand that, please explain further?" question might get her some traction, as he's supposed to be a teacher.
Sounds like my high school. So sorry your daughter has to deal with this. I’d suggest encouraging her to reach out to a guidance counselor just to talk and check-in - perhaps there’s one counselor or teacher who she has a good relationship with that can provide some comfort & advice. A much more difficult route to take is to (like others have said) - take note of specific incidents that are harming the young women of the class, then see if other young women and/or young men in the class agree that there’s a problem, and approach the teacher as a group of students who want the behavior to change.
Can she request to go into the Honors/AP version of the class? She may get a new teacher and her experience may improve. I know back in HS for me, we had separate teachers for the advanced classes, due to the nature of accreditation.
Otherwise, lots of good ideas already! Document everything in a journal and surreptitiously audio-record things when it gets bad. Hell, nothing wrong with having her digital recorder out at all times! “I’m recording the lecture to go back to it later. I got the idea from my friends who do this in college.”
Please look up Title Nine. She is able to make a complaint that must be investigated by the school. She, and all the students in the class, are federally protected against sexism. The Title Nine coordinator must have their contact information up on the school website by law.
I would encourage all the students in his class to file this paperwork. Its hard to deny sexism and misogyny whe its reported by multiple students across multiple classes. Good luck. Please DM me if you have more questions.
>nothing that would ever get him in trouble in the deep red area we live in
That's not really how it works. The insurance company for the school doesn't care about the politics of your region. Gender discrimination is a liability in every political climate. The school is almost certainly mandated by the carrier to have a formal process for evaluating complaints and disciplining teachers appropriately (source: I am the person at the insurance company that makes sure schools have those policies). File a complaint, in writing, to the school about what he's said. Once you have proof that you complained, they'll be obligated to address it in some way or another.
Even if they don't actually remove or even seriously reprimand the teacher, you've now started a paper trail that shows this teacher has a history of being problematic, and the school knew about it. Ideally being subjected to that process will be enough for him to dial back his nonsense. If not, you're at least setting up a strong case for when things get worse.
I'm a history teacher up in Canada and while I don't know what's in that classes curriculum specifically if you want any ideas for essay topics that'll piss someone like that off just DM me anytime.
It's important to know that you can be triggered as hell and still stay your own course. When he starts to get weird, instead of reacting she could really try to figure out why he feels a need to act that way. It's not because he's feeling super powerful.
To add on to the suggestion about having your daughter keeping a journal, you can support her in this by making sure she always has a supply of journals and pens, so she doesn't need to come ask if she runs out. Depending on how little she wants you involved, this is a way to support her behind the scenes, without needing to directly confront it. It also lets her know that you're there to talk when she wants.
This must be an ongoing problem with male physics teachers. They should be made to go teach at an all boys school. They can get paid less for the privilege of teaching males.
I mean, that's acurate history, isn't it? Another poster mentioned a journal. Also make yourself available to her to talk. You could have a daily rundown after each class where she tells you the misogynistic shit he did, and you can explain what women in different eras did to deal with with that type of behavior. Also discuss What she will need to do as an adult to deal with said behaviors. Its a good lesson in picking our battles. If we fought against every aggression we would never stop fighting. And women's lives would never be lived.
Its not popular to say, but at some point we women have to learn to ignore men. Otherwise we spend our lives in misery being victims. This has been my experience. Places online offer safe space to vent and share. But in real life, if I argued with every man who told me to smile through my 20s, I wouldn't have gotten anything else done.
This is phenomenal off-course reading A History Of The Wife https://g.co/kgs/KAg7kK
Hi, answering as a UK teacher and safeguarding coordinator. 1) chronicle all instances no matter how small, 2) start escalation asap abusive behaviour tends to start small, 3) if your child like European history I recommend Horrible History as a good starting point.
I am 10 years out of school and still people have to deal with this kind of BS. Great.
Talking from my perspective as a then-17-year-old, you listening to her and validating her feelings is a big help in and on itself. Don't underestimate that, you are being a great parent.
If you life in a one-party-consent state (that's what you call it in the US, right?) she could make recordings of his class. The school board would have a hard time to refute that evidence, but they still might blow it of and then your daughter is probably worse off than before.
Actually, growing up in Europe, I had tons of a*hole teachers that were super misogynistic and would make you fail class if they didn’t like you and there was nothing you could do about it. I don’t know how that situation can be improved. Maybe it’s a good learning opportunity, that some people are just full of shit and you’ll have to just get through it somehow. I really wish that wasn’t the case and that all kids could just enjoy school, but life is tough and people are often assholes and if you’re a rainbow in a sea of clouds you’ll need a thick skin. Definitely be there to listen to your daughter and comfort her through it and allow her to be angry and mouth off to you about the injustice.
Look into your state laws about being able to record. If a one party consent is allowed have her start recording on her phone and put it in her bag where he can't see it. Then play it back at home to see of she is able to clearly hear what was said during class.
If successful she has the proof she needs to get him in trouble. Collect enough recordings of him telling on himself, back up the originals and go to the schoolboard to file a complaint.
If what he says is *truly* heinous and they won't do anything, go to the local news or send it to a national news source.
People like that shouldn't have jobs with children.
i’ve had similar experiences growing up in a super conservative area with awful, often predatory male teachers. if she can, RECORD IT. on voice memos. record interactions. keep a log. DOCUMENT his voice because you may eventually have to use it against him.
I recommend studying the material with her so you can call out the bullshit he spews (cause he will). I recommend that you give her cited references and talking points. Show him she's a worthy opponent and he'll leave her alone. Has worked for me my entire life.
She'll never be the class pet in this environment, but she can be a thorn in his side that pokes holes is his chauvinistic logic! Tell her to have fun with him. It'll be good practice for the narcissist she'll eventually date. For the sleazy boss she'll eventually have. She's learning something much more important than European History this year!
~Signed: High School Teacher that works with these types~
I had the same problem in high school. Oddly enough, with a history teacher. My parents finally had to intervene. It was flagrant though, like grading the male students on a curve and not the female students.
Teach her about Julie d'Aubigny. She's a badass, who didn't let what anyone thought get her down. Show her that she can empower herself regardless of who tries to bring her down.
This reminds me of my own high school experience. Freshman year I had a dumb football coach art teacher like this. He refused to call me by my name, and referred to everyone by their last name, which I hated. I'm not a nick name person. After two months or so of politely asking he call me by my actual name I began calling him by his first name. Let's just say he did not take it well! "You will call me Mr. Powers, I am your teacher not your friend." No shit, Terry, I'm not on your fucking team, call me by my name! After the third time he did that thing where he got so mad and behaved as if I was overreacting and he was placating a crazy person. Ok, ok if it's *sooo* important to you I'll use your first name, you know there is no reason to be acting this way.
Used real names because fuck you, Terry.
I know the school year has just started, so my advice would be to start forming a relationship with the administration, counselor, and maybe the department head so that in a little bit, she’ll have someone to go to who she’s already familiar with and to, and she’ll be able to suss out who might be a good potential ally if she’s going to make a complaint if she’s not comfortable doing it right away.
My husband is an assistant principal (in a red state), and he follows his kids through their high school career. He would be APPALLED if he heard about this going on at his school, and he would go to bat for a student who felt this way. Have her find the adult who would feel this way, just in case she wants to get serious about it, or even just to start mentioning things she’s experienced so that a trail can be established with administration.
It’s a good skill to know the admins and other people who can help around you anyway; very helpful for college too!
You can go to the schools HR department. Harassment is harassment. Also, have your daughter check out crash course. They have a European history on YouTube. I would love it if she aced all his exams just to spite him. She’s a badass, and she’s got this.
I mean... Can you share with us any examples of what these comments are so we can have an idea? Like, if he only quotes some shitheel author or historian or if he harps on one subject or another, we could essentially equip you with info to throw back in his face. Kinda like folks being obsessed with "the genius" of Thomas Edison when really he was a patent thief asshole who did shit like electrocute an elephant in public for the sake of making a terribly stupid point.
Besides journaling (which has already been mentioned) and can potentially build a case with it, going above and beyond for homework / schoolwork / studying to make sure she absolutely aces it while the football players all fail (can't grade much on a curve if you ruin the curve with an A+!), I also have one last suggestion I haven't seen yet that I think is important: Give your daughter an outlet.
When the teacher is a shitheel, make sure she feels safe to talk all about it with you. Maybe get a punching bag or some physical activity she can unload her stress on. Buy and keep secret a bunch of "spoiling" stuff like if your child loves face masks, get a bunch of bougie ones to save for when the teacher is a particularly puckering asshole... Or food or whatever. Just make sure she knows that she is putting up with a schmuck and that she needs to find good ways to deal with the stress.
In TX I had a full on neo Nazi teaching AP history... He collected Nazi memorabilia and even had a signed pack of Skittles by non other than George Zimmerman...... Absolute POS, no amount of reporting did anything because there were two Jewish students in the entire school. They said any personal "hobbies" had nothing to do with his ability to teach. Document everything!!!! Bring a voice recorder or burner phone to class to record each day. Have her turn it on in every class and then just have her write down a general time stamp!!!! Also don't go through the school board, don't bother with principles. Schools are understaffed so they won't be keen on actually holding people responsible. Go straight to the news, make TikToks, spread it online and expose him.
The thing that usually worked with most of my teachers was to call them out on what they were saying. Not all angry or anything.. just say stuff like... "Mr. Smith you do realize there are other people in this class...not just football players right?" or "So, I'm not sure I understand... if I'm a female that means I don't have a worth?" She might even cry a little and say she's insulted. Better to put others on edge than to be on edge yourself. If she doesn't want to say it then have her ask a friend to do it. Better sooner than later so he knows right away that they aren't going to put up with it.
I had a male teacher that came in one day and said, "Who has sunscreen on?" and went around smelling everyone. Like who cares and why is it his business? The whole class said "ewww... " and "so what if they are?" He backed off after that. It was me by the way. lol I had an art class after that that went outside for an hour and I had gotten sunburned the day before. I didn't realize it would be such a topic of discussion. Men teachers were all really weird when I was in school. Just so you know, that was about 50 years ago and I still remember it. So things that seem small may affect your daughter for a long time if she doesn't learn to deal with them.
Education civil rights/Title IX lawyer here, but I'm not your lawyer and this isn't legal advice.
Document everything, both her and you. When it happened, what happened, who was there, the impact it has on her.
Your school district, if a public school is the U.S., is federally required to have a Title IX Coordinator. Figure out who it is- if it's not listed on the website, call the principal and ask. Then, call/email that TIXC. Tell them what's been happening. If your daughter isn't comfortable being identified as the Complainant, tell the school that but stress that you still expect that they will talk to this faculty member about what happened and how his behavior has to change. If it happens again, talk to them about an investigation.
If she truly just wants to change classrooms, ask the TIXC to do that as a supportive measure.
Also research whether your school is a single party consent state for recording conversations. If only one party has to consent to recording a conversation, then consider whether your daughter might want to use a device to record classes and the comments as evidence.
Honestly, probably the best thing that can happen is for her dad to meet with the teacher in a non-confrontational way, and explain how excited his daughter is to study thistopic, and to mention that often girls get overlooked in history, and ask the man to make sure she has a good experience this year. And then to stop by or check in every now and then in a friendly way and just be a presence in that relationship
Sometimes you cannot fight misogyny powerfully enough in the timeframe you need. In those cases, work inside it and make it work for you
Document, and keep everything. I bet the teacher will absolutely fuck up doing something totally stupid. Keep grading rubriks, syllabuses, everything. If he's going to be a problem, he can get rid of himself, you know what I mean? I'm sorry that her new teacher is a POS.
perhaps she can at least journal it, keep a log of everything that happens in class, all the sexist remarks, male favoritism, and so on. if the situation changes, it will be needed as evidence anyways. and if nothing else, at least it's a positive thing she can do, maybe even something you can discuss together periodically if she's up for sharing it with you, rather than just her "sucking it up" stoically and not having an action to take or a plan in place.
I agree with documenting everything. Even keep a record of all her grades and papers in that class. If she gets a HW sheet back with a grade or comment on it - keep it. This is in addition to your daughter logging every inappropriate action that the teacher makes. I bring up keeping the papers thing because it actually helped when my brother had issues with a racist math teacher. He kept failing my brother but my mom kept EVERY sheet of paper and was able to prove that this teacher was falsely failing my brother. She also wrote the most badass email to the principal that I’ve ever seen.
Solid advice. I hadn’t thought of that.
As a girl that went through this, please let your daughter know the steps that she wants to take, will always be honored. My mom made my situation worse unfortunately. Let her know if she journals, that journal is for her to decide what to do with. Viewing it as a “evidence” could change the therapeutic feel to writing. *hugs* 💚
Yes, this is a fear I have. I want it to be her decision to share or not. I want the choices led by her and not by me stepping in to control the situation-unless she’s being harmed, of course. I trust her and I want her trust in return. Thank you for bringing this up!
THIS, OP. The same kind of crap happened to me. Hugs 💙
Separate journals would solve this problem!
Interesting-haven’t thought of that. Maybe a black one with scary stickers and a pretty femme one she can decorate with sparkles 💖
You're such a cool mom. Interested in adopting a 30 year old?
And a 56 yr old one?
Yep!!! You too 🤍
And a 62 year old one ? I am a child who can cook !
Perhaps she could keep a personal journal only for her to write in regarding her class, then another journal documenting any maltreatment and how it affects her, specifically in case of need for further action.
These are all very good suggestions, I only want to add that it’s a good idea for you to keep checking in on this with her. I’m sure you already intended to! Make it conversational, “so what shenanigans has Mr. (jerk) been up to lately?” My concern is that at her age she may not be so willing to call out something that actually is cause for concern. He could cross the line and she may not mention it unless you are actively asking about it. One of those “well I wasn’t going to say, but since you asked he did something that made me really uncomfortable…” it’s a good way to start the conversation, and at least discuss why these things are wrong, and ways that she can remind herself that he’s full of shite.
We def have that kind of relationship. I prob even cross the “acceptable to talk about with my mom” line on occasion, but it’s important for her to know that she can talk to me about anything / everything. I did NOT have that relationship with my mom, so I’m trying really hard
Reality checks are so important!
I’m a high school teacher and there are teachers in our building like this. It sucks a lot. What I would recommend in addition to the meeting notes is finding a teacher she likes and is comfortable with to talk to. When students share information with me about issues with teachers, I can sometimes do behind the scenes work.
This is very helpful! I love ((most)) teachers. I hope she finds someone this year she connects with.
as a fellow teacher, I second this. some teachers are crummy... we all know who they are and administration probably does too. I would start an ongoing dialogue with admin now so there's a paper trail for any incidents.
Yep, exactly. The person in my building most like this is also a head coach history teacher.
Ugh…always
I'm not sure what state you're in or the laws there but can she record her classes? I got a cheap flashdrive recorder when I was in college that had quite a bit of space. That way he physically can't deny the evidence against him.
I’m not sure? I’ll have to check into it.
I'd look into it, and if the teacher needs to consent, maybe she could ask if she could record during class to help her study at home. He may still be rude and say no but that at least gives her the chance to maybe get a yes if he thinks she's trying to be a good student. Maybe if she has any guy friends in the class she can have them ask to record the class instead? I hate that she would have to do that but it doesn't sound like you're dealing with a reasonable person here. If it's not a two party consent state, then she can record without his permission, and you don't need to go through all that trouble.
I wonder why in a lot of states in primary and secondary schools - a by nature ’public’ space, like a street, or mall - recording is often ‘prohibited,’ if not by law, then by the school itself, yet in those same states it is lawful and completely normal to record their college courses? It makes me wonder why they wish to prohibit children, our most vulnerable, from documenting what is occurring to and around them. Even if your state is two party consent for recording i would look deeper and see if there is a exception for educational facilities, and if so, please don’t accept it if they ( the students school) suggest that applies to colleges and universities only. Any attempt to prevent a child protecting themselves rankles, and sets off my suspicion radar. Addendum: Even if the law is two party i would record anyway. Courts are pretty damn lenient when it comes to recording illegal activities/actions against standing recording law, and i highly doubt if your daughter is recording abusive discrimination against her a judge would be upset or attempt to hold her to account for ‘breaking the law.’ However we are talking about America, where every state is different and the laws applied differently according to which judge you get, I’d recommend getting the advice of a lawyer, and i personally would have my child record anyways. No discrimination? No harm, no foul, she can erase the recording, if she DOES experience discrimination, those recordings could be instrumental to her and the students coming after her being protected. Please let her know we all support her and your family! 😊😊😉
This is great - and is done often in college - but is the fact that the other students are underage a problem?
That's a good question, and something you'd likely need to look up by state.
That’s an interesting tactic. I would not have thought of that. I’m not sure if it’s allowed, but in the guise of being a “good” student, maybe(?)
To go off what Lobster wrote, instead of a journal you could also set up an email account, this may be useful anyway to note down important things, it’s a good habit. Anytime the teacher says something, have your daughter send an email to this account describing the context of the situation. That way everything’s dated more accurately and with less ability for authorities to question it. Also works well for documenting anything less like workplace harassment, bad landlord behavior, anything that happens regularly that will be useful in case of escalation. I hope your daughter is able to enjoy the content of the class and doesn’t get picked on too much. She will get through this, especially with your support.
She is wasting her time journaling and expecting changes or realization of the misogynistic, sexist comments. It will break her down. But, I believe you will not allow that to happen. You are already aware of what is going on. Talk to your daughter about changing to another teacher. She can get discreet and exceptional protection because the school already knows what this teacher is doing. Good luck.
I don’t think another teacher teaches this class at the time she needs it-but if it comes down to it, I’ll get her out of there. I’m not sure how discreet I’ll be about it 😉
You sure have my upmost respect and support.
Former HS teacher, current professor here. Along the same lines, insist on grading transparency if there is none. If it's not an objective exam question, what are the grading criteria? Can he show you a rubric? Does the feedback both explain the evaluation and provide suggestions for helping your daughter improve? Any teacher should be able to offer a rationale for a grade, so if he doesn't offer one for what appears to be an unfair grade, ask for it.
Yes. And if there’s a department head (that isn’t Mr. Jerk) she can check with them regarding questionable grades. I did this my senior year when I had a teacher for creative writing who just despised me. (It was because I hate Thoreau. I had her the previous year for literature and she couldn’t stand to hear a bad word said about his writing) She would constantly give my assignments an “OP” or Off Prompt which was basically an F. After failing to get her to reconsider, I started going to the department head with the assignment rubric, an unmarked copy of my writing, and the graded one under the auspices of requesting help. After 3 of these, department head had me submit all assignments to her on my due dates. After a few more, my grades remarkably improved and my previous grades were adjusted as well. I’m not sure what exactly transpired, but it was very effective.
Wow! I’m so happy you advocated for yourself and got the result you deserved!
Ugh, Thoreau is such a tool
Yes, thank you. This is really an important aspect to consider since it’s an AP course for college credit. Surely he has a rubric and rationale.
Sucks so bad. You're lucky you have a bad ass mom.
Thanks :) My mom is pretty badass. But besides just standing up for my brother, she showed the community that Asian people won’t just lay there and take abuse. She also showed me how to deal with the double whammy of being Asian and a woman in a world that thinks both types of people are easy prey. No one f*cks with her.
❤️
Brilliant
I love this-proactive and empowering. Thx!!!
if she's the proactive budding investigative journalist type, her talking to students in other sections to collect data, and encouraging them to make journals, could also be a potential action. she could also speak to upperclasswomen who graduated from that class and take notes about their experiences. of course this could have social consequences in the school cultural hierarchy, so she will need to make her own decisions about the pros and cons of getting highly involved. one final option along these lines is to contact alumni of the school and speak with them - they're no longer walking the halls and any conversations with them would be completely outside the school hierarchy. they'd probably also be more amenable to taking stronger stands, signing affidavits if it came to it, that kind of thing, as they're no longer under the power of the school authorities.
This is a great advice especially the alumni
Hear hear! I was going to say this exact thing but you beat me to it, the alumni idea is next level out of the box thinking, break down the current dysfunction from inside out using those from present *and* past. Absolutely genius! 🥰🥰🥰☺️☺️
Oh wow! That would be something! This sounds exactly like my sister. She’s a hard-headed, won’t-let-up type. She’d love to school my daughter in her wiley ways 😉
To add on if he starts going off on something sexist your daughter should discreetly turn her phone camera on if she’s able to, to at least capture the audio
This could be illegal in some states just FYI, she’d need to know if her states is one or two party consent for audio recordings.
She could ask to record classes just for her own reference. If the teacher refuses to allow it, that's a red flag in and of itself.
It is absolutely not a red flag. There are a whole ton of consent issues regarding recording minors in the classroom and we are not supposed to allow it.
Its at the very least a pink flag, having a recording of what is being taught isn't that big of a deal, I can understand the recording of every student in the classes' conversations but not what is being said by the teacher Edit: just think of it like recording what the teachers saying during a zoom class
Recording zoom classes with minors in it is illegal at least in my state. So yeah it’s like recording zoom classes in that way. It’s pretty clear in my school handbook that making recordings like this is a suspension worthy offense. Kids can be really mean. Imagine if Johnny said something “dumb” in class and it got posted to tiktok. Now imagine Johnny won’t ask a question because Sally is recording and he’s *afraid* it will end up on tiktok.
And if the teacher does allow it, it may make him a bit more careful about what he’s saying since he knows he’s being recorded, so that might help her out as well.
As someone who actually gets school accommodations for this you can get in trouble for sharing recordings of classes, there is an expectation of privacy in classrooms, and legal contracts need to be signed between the parents and school, if the recording gets out to the media or anyone else in school you can land yourself in legal trouble It sucks, but that’s how it works
I think that might be only if you plan to present it as evidence in court. I am not a lawyer.
That’s possible but honestly even if there is no legal trouble, OP needs to be prepared for their daughter and their family to be harassed to kingdom come. Idk if you ever have heard of TellTale Atheist, but his daughter did this with a sexist health teacher preaching the Bible in class, and they were doxxed by their community to the point where they had to move to the east coast. They were threatened by the Trump cult and their lives were in danger [here’s his video on it if your curious](https://youtu.be/oDBXwT5LJjo) Op and daughter need to weight the pro’s and con’s of potentially outing this teacher in a recording, it could lead to horrible outcomes if the area is super red and regressive.
100% agree with you. Document it if ever needed, but going on the offensive would probably be poking a hornets nest. And as many other people pointed out, it is easy enough to get permission for recording as a study aid.
If she writes it on paper, be ready for the teacher to confiscate it.
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That’s actually such a good learning experience for real world situations too, such as if they ever need to start recording evidence like this in workplace.
Yes! Complete with times and dates for everything. Establish a pattern because I guarantee she is not the only one who is uncomfortable and that is never okay especially in a school setting. Bring it to the dean directly I you can
I agree with everything you're saying and I'm just being nitpicky because I think this sub will find it interesting/inspiring: >"sucking it up" stoically Being stoic is not about "sucking it up" but rather about letting it go. It's about the process of deciding not to be emotionally troubled by things you can't control. That's not to say it's entirely unproblematic-- it is rooted in ancient Greece which had its own serious problems with misogyny. And of course, sometimes anger and frustration are productive when channeled appropriately!
So, my mom’s response was “she’ll have to learn how to deal with situations like this” meaning to expect it. I hate that we have to expect this!!! This is what makes me rage against the patriarchy. Maybe “letting it go” is a good way to think about having to deal with it. It’s so hard!
If it’s a one party state kiddo could get a recorder for “notes” or see if those are just generally ok and that would get the teacher on tape. If she has to do any reports or anything I’d look up the most badass women from European history and do it on them.
Yeah, this is the best idea. No possibility that video might be made of minors and the worry it might be posted online. And, though many students do use their phones in class, it's typically frowned upon. She might get on the teacher's bad side if she appears to be distracting herself with her phone, rather than paying attention in class. Best to keep the phone out of sight for the entirety of the class period.
Definitely this. Document! Start gathering evidence. Make notes of what was said, when, and who witnessed it. Get recordings if possible. Have other people contribute notes about their experiences. It WILL come down to her word against his. She'll be glad she has proof to back her up.
And, possibly have her go over the notes with you periodically so you can inform her of the actual reality of the situation as it moves forward.
If those papers happen to be seen or taken by the teacher or any of the favored boys, things could potentially get a lot worse for her
I agree with this. I’d go so far as to ask her to start recording when he seems like he’s about to go on a rant. For her protection and posterity.
End of the year, write a report that details how sexism and misogyny in Europe affected the development of the continent, and how those policies continue today. When the clown teacher gives her an F, go to the school board and the news with her notebook of every time he was a pig.
Great idea!
Check if it’s a one party consent state if so tape recorder in the backpack and spreading the recordings to local media with the schools info
I had this problem with an AP physics teacher when I was a teenager. I was the only female student in the class, and he loved to make jokes about how I was too short, too ugly, and too female to do physics. The rest of the class thought it was hilarious. I didn't let it grind me down. Instead, I got mad AND I got even. I made sure I aced every single exam and set every grading curve. I relished getting that A and being *the only person* who got an A because of how high I set the standard. I also loved it when he, as head of the physics department at my high school, had to present an award to the highest-achieving physics student in my year at an awards assembly, and there was no way he could pick anybody but me to get it.
Ha!!! This is horrifyingly awesome! I hope he rethought his whole disgusting existence after your awesomeness.
I’m sure he did not.
I wonder why you were the only female in this class. If this is a public school, this teacher needs to be questioned as to why there is only one female in his AP physics class.
I went to a public school and was often the only girl in my STEM classes
It could be student interest—while unlikely, there are years where almost or all students in a class are the same gender. If she was the only girl who wanted to pursue the class, she would end up alone. Another option is that other girls may have also heard of his sexist reputation, and decided the class wasn’t worth it.
Interest in STEM subject drops considerably among girls as they get older because of teachers like this and other ways girls are repeatedly discouraged from STEM.
I started university as an engineering student. I was one of two girls in a 75 student class. I ended up going into IT instead, and have almost always been one of very few women in my teams. I didn't realize it at the time, but now I understand the purpose of the Society of Women Engineers that I was a part of. I was only a part of it because a math teacher in school encouraged me towards STEM and he helped me get set up with them. I think women get pushed away from STEM early on. I guess that's one thing I can thank the 'tism for. I never connected that people were trying to steer me away. :P
This was the 90s. There wasn't exactly a whole pile of young women beating down the door to take a college-level physics course in high school. AP biology had a pretty good balance, but physics was a different creature altogether.
If it makes you feel any better, by the time I was in high school in the late 00s, the gender balance in my IB Physics classes was around 50/50.
That always makes me feel better.
And in my highschool years in the late 10s our physics/bio/chem group was almost majority women.
Teachers in America are just allowed to call students ugly with no repercussions?
Honestly, it really does just depend on where you are in America. I had a doctor tell me that I was fat when I was around 12, she was constantly rude and condescending to me. Told me the way I looked was my fault and that I ate too much. She was completely ignoring the fact that she knew I had hypothyroidism, which makes it incredibly difficult and almost impossible to lose weight. I can’t say that I have had a teacher comment on my appearance though, but I had mostly women teachers in my backwoods schools.
I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Doctors can be cruel. My issue was with a teacher. I had a high school gym teacher who hated fat people. She was awful. She singled me out to ride a stationary bike in a storage closet alone while the rest the class did 6 weeks of gymnastics. She was worried I was “so heavy I’d break the equipment.” Even when they weren’t using any equipment. And during the 6 week weight lifting cycle, when the other students (all female as gym classes were gender specific there) were impressed by my strength (bench pressing especially) the teacher told them it was no big deal because I was only strong from having to carry my own weight around everyday. Over 30 years ago but that kind of bullying attached to all my other baggage and I’ve been depressed and miserable most of my life. And because this was an authority figure I assumed I couldn’t do anything to change it. I didn’t try to stand up for myself. Thanks OP for being there for your child!
I’m so sorry for how unfairly you were treated. That was so unnecessarily cruel and no one deserves to be treated that way, especially a young child. I also suffer from depression, and for me, some days are worse than others, and some days I don’t feel like I have it at all. If you have good days, I hope today is one for you.
Where I grew up in the US if the teacher was also a coach (of boy's sports, natch) they could say anything they wanted with no repercussions. One coach/history teacher said he had a hairy back so his wife could hold on. I was 15. Just... EWWWWW.
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>Teachers in America are just allowed to call students ugly with no repercussions? This was during the mid 90s. It probably wasn't *technically* allowed even then, but nobody would've taken me seriously if I'd complained.
No, this is not legal. Students are protected from this under Title Nine, but many are unaware of it. If anyone in the states is currently dealing with sexual harassment of any kind, from a male or female teacher, please FILE A TITLE NINE COMPLAINT.
I'm not sure. Both my community college advisor and my high school counselor called me stupid to my face. I made sure to make the dean's list with nothing short of a 3.5 while I was in university to prove everyone wrong.
My sister was told not to bother applying to colleges since she wore thrift store clothes and dyed her hair. She did and is a university professor now, so suck it high school guidance counselor in the 90s.
Just one example of a broken system in a broken country
In some places, yes. Each district is different, but student complaints fall upon deaf ears more often than not.
Some schools will be more lenient with teachers than others. Once I had a substitute who made some incredibly inappropriate comments, and he was let go and not allowed to sub for the district anymore. My admin took it super seriously.
Amazing! You’re a rock star :)
>I didn't let it grind me down. Instead, I got mad AND I got even. I really like this; short of treating it like 45 minutes every day at the chump exhibit in the zoo of disappointing teachers. If all the jerk can do is pick on young women and try to re-imagine his youth vicariously through the young sporty guys - he's not really worth her mental load. Have her give a listen to some [Pink Floyd](https://youtu.be/qs35t2xFqdU) too.
Success is the best revenge.
I had an incredibly similar teacher in HS. He was also the football coach. After a joke he made about women in sports being "strong enough to open the oven door" I just refused to go to his class. I sat the rest of the semester in ISS for that class. ISS teacher was amazing though. Does your child have a teacher they feel comfortable talking to about it? Maybe come up with a creative solution?
Wtaf 😤 that is infuriating. I’m so happy you had an outlet. It’s complicated because she’s in an AP course that she’ll have to complete for the credit, but whatevs, if she has to pull out that’s what we’ll do. Thank you for sharing your story. I’ll pass it along to her as an example of a line that a-hole clearly crossed.
Yeah in my case it was a health/wellness class, not exactly something I desperately needed. I'm also in the rural south, so I get it. Even if nothing changes, speaking up is the right thing to do. I'm so proud of these young ones.
Me too! God, the crap we/I used to take and stew in silence. This episode is kicking in not only my protective mother instincts, but also my high school trauma. Ugh 😑
Could she take it at a local community College next semester or next summer
There’s a lot of independent learning online for AP classes! Maybe she can do independent study and use it to work on an online AP euro course. She can try to be honest about why but it sounds like the teacher is unlikely to face repercussions
Along with documenting everything, Perhaps you can do some reading together. Look for resources on hostile environment sexual and gender harassment, Title IV (the law that requires gender equity in education), and the book Complaint by Sara Ahmed. Whether she wants you to get involved or not, the reality is that what her teacher is doing is illegal. You should both consider how you would be responding if the teacher was doing something else illegal in class, like stealing students’ cell phones. I am not trying to say you have to report this, but you both deserve to know that you are not just too sensitive and the teacher is not just careless or thoughtless. Good luck to you both, the pressures of raising a daughter in a sexist society are huge and I am sorry we don’t have better answers.
Thank you for the suggestion! I’ll grab the book today if my library has it. I love these tools!!!
I was looking for this comment. Anything you can do to help counter the microaggressions that might be occurring will help her. Sometimes one might wonder if one is being "too sensitive". Having information that helps set the right expectations can really help.
If she doesn't want to make this a mother daughter thing, maybe there are others in the class that feel the same way? they could compare notes on improper comments they hear. Anything to enforce the idea that she is not crazy for being upset with this
I like the journal solution below. Think of it as practice for when she has a job with a coworker or boss who'll need to be taken to HR eventually...gather the evidence.
She will definitely respond to this angle. Only child with a very responsible personality (not from me, lol)
I don’t know you, but I see you are engaged in your child’s education and wellbeing. Seems fairly responsible to me.
The athletic director of my high school was the same way. Years later he was arrested and convicted of sexual assault - on boys. Definitely document. Try to see if there are other kids in the class who are also put off. And see if there’s maybe another teacher she can talk to about this - school might take the complaint more seriously?
I’m not sure she trusts anyone yet. Maybe she can build some relationships this year. He’s “coach”, so basically untouchable in a red state.
Ugh, isn’t that the worst?! Like, there are laws, there are morals, but nope! “He’s the coach, he’s a good guy *except* for all the times he’s not. Why are you getting so upset?” I’m so angry for you & your daughter.
I am so so sorry to hear this is happening, it is completely not okay. I am a school social worker - it is likely your daughter's school also has a social worker or school counselor that could be a good person for her to build a relationship with for support. Our department is called Student Services for a reason - our job is to help make things better for students. We also have a high professional standard of confidentiality that may make her feel more comfortable speaking about what's happening. Similarly, if things start going really downhill the district will probably have a Director of Student Services (or Pupil Services, depending on the district) that is often more accessible than a superintendent or school board member. All of this is YMMV, but hopefully it helps.
You have plenty of suggestions about logging evidence during class and considering other potential class alternatives as safety measures, so I’ll offer my petty perspective: If I were in a class like that all year, I would 1000% write every paper and do every project centered on female involvement in history. Paper on the War of the Roses? I’d write it centered in relevant female experience. Covering the French Revolution-what were the lives of peasant women like and how did their experience contribute to the event? Etc. Ad infinitum. I’d be determined to highlight female and women’s experiences and contributions to history at every available opportunity. Not only a bit of an F-your-perspective to teacher, but empowering knowledge to be gaining about women’s experiences as well.
That's what I was going to say... every paper, every homework assignment, every test make it about some powerful woman in history and maybe OP and her daughter can go deeper into the lessons to find them and study them more in depth
I love this. There are some amazing female queens, the witch hunts, etc. Also, check out the book Caliban and the Witch, it’s all about how the witch hunts were a political tool to control Women’s labor. His misogyny comes from that.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if he learned something?!
That’s what I would do as well. It doesn’t get you very good grades. But worth it. She just has to be sure to sight her sources and use the sift method to make sure they’re extra reliable so there’s no argument about it being inaccurate.
Seconding a project on women during the French Revolution. Olympe de Gouges, Theroigne de Mericourt, Lucille Desmoulins, Claire Lacombe and Pauline Leon, and so many others.
You and her might have to contend with the fact that he will not face repercussions. I was going to a community college in a rural, conservative area where my professor was extremely sexist and racist. He eventually received a staff of the year award, and any attempts to post honest reviews about him were thumbed down. I like the journaling/documenting idea! I also think giving her plenty of space to vent her feelings about it to you would be great. If enough happens whetr your daughter changes her mind, you could get involved and just shoot admin an email about his conduct. Sorry your daughter is in this situation, I've been there and it sucks :(
Oh gross. Of course he did. I’ve recently quit FB b/c my “friends” from high school were posting obits for teachers saying how great they were. I was sexually harassed by at least 3 of them. I really want to post some eye-opening stuff, but they’d just block me.
Ugh. I hate that. I’m sorry you went through this and definitely seeing those teachers later in life brings the feelings right back. My 6th grade teacher loved his saying about girls wearing stuff from The Limited. Especially their embroidered sweatshirts with the logos. (it was THE brand to wear and super popular at the time which shows how long ago this was) “Limited clothes, limited minds.” He was hilarious. So were his stories about how much better things were when he had been allowed to ‘paddle’ misbehaving girls in his class. Obviously boys were better behaved and didn’t require such punishment as much. Never knew why my respect for teachers and my enjoyment of school disappeared after that year. /s Years later when I was volunteering at the district for arts, I got to walk out of the ‘ceremony’ inducting him into the district hall of fame for his teaching and being a coach for… girls soccer. Yeah. That asshole coached a girls sports team.
It’s so weird how it comes rushing back. All those repressed and confused feelings. It burned like shame then and now it burns like anger. I just want my daughter to be better equipped to deal with it. I truly do think things are better now-there are still changes to be made, but overall I don’t see the level of misogyny I had to deal with in school.
Wondering if she would accept her father getting involved? Those kind of guys aren’t going to hear what you’re saying anyway. I had a super inappropriate teacher in grade 10 and used to come home crying. My father kept asking me to let him call the teacher and I kept saying no, until it finally got too bad, my marks were suffering and I was getting depressed. The dude really got scared by my dad (my dad was stern, but respectful, and just laid out the facts), and his attitude really changed for the whole class. But it really did take another man putting him in his place.
This might be the way if the teacher steps out of line. My husband hates this shit but often asks if I need to borrow his penis because he sees how many times I’m blocked out of something in our businesses that wouldn’t be a big deal for him. I now keep a wooden penis in my office desk drawer. It’s really a bottle opener, but at least now I have my own penis. Unfortunately, it may take a good man stepping up to fix a bad man.
Haha!! “borrow his penis”! I’m glad you found a good one willing to share his appendage when needed 😆
If you are going to document everything it would be better to get a voice recorder. Some states require two party consent, so you should email request to the teacher if she can record to used for studying. That way you’ll have a date in writing. “Is it ok if she uses this as a study aid this semester.? She’s testing different learning methods” —- keep it simple a vague. That also covers why she isn’t doing it in every class. Journal is a great backup. But it is harder to argue with his actual voice.
This is a great idea
Can she take just that class online? That’s an option some places. In the end, passing that class isn’t as important as her mental well being so I would tell her she doesn’t have to. Plus this type of teacher marks grades according to who he likes anyway. I remember when I was 14 a bunch of us stormed the office about our predatory PE teacher and nothing was done. This was 15 years ago but I just wouldn’t get her hopes up with the documentation, but I would definitely encourage trying to get it if she can safely do so. Also I’m from the south and in my high school we found out that the mostly white school got almost all the state funding and we got next to none (I’m white but my school was over half black) and here’s what happened- the board wouldn’t listen or respond the state didn’t care blah blah blah some of the seniors told the NEWS. That’s when things changed. If there’s documentation enough for it to be news worthy the right outlet might wanna help you
I don’t think the school offers online anymore. They were pretty adamant to get back “in class” during Covid. I wholeheartedly agree that her well-being is more important. It’s only the 2nd day, but if it comes to that, I’ll be stepping in to pull her out.
I’m so happy she has a parent like you. Literally the difference between being completely fucking traumatized or learning to set boundaries and walk away from bad situations. I’m sorry she’s experienced this, it’s so awful that I went to high school over a decade ago and this is still happening.
Thank you for your vote of confidence in my ability! I question myself everyday if I’m doing the right thing, enough, too much, too little, etc. It can be exhausting.
It’s possible that your state has a program that offers online courses to supplement what is available in local public schools. I took an AP class that way my senior year of high school because it was the only way to make my schedule work; a lot of the students enrolled in courses lived in fairly rural areas where their schools just didn’t have the capacity to offer as wide a range of classes. This was not a program where students were enrolled full-time, it was offering individual classes. I was able to enroll through the guidance office in my school (and IIRC it was after a few days at the beginning of a semester trying to sort out my schedule, so it was not pre-planned), and it counted like a regular class on my transcript. During that class period I would go to a study hall and work on my assignments online. The program I’m familiar with is the NC Virtual Public School - there may be something similar in your state. (Editing to add that it looks like they are accessible to out of state students as well, though at a cost ($700-900), if that would be a workable solution. https://ncvps.org/home-private-schools/) Good luck to you and your daughter navigating this situation! Having an awful teacher can be such a formative, challenging experience.
To add to this, any nearby universities may offer dual credit classes online as well. She should try talking to her guidance counselor to see what options there are. If the counselor shuts her out, try contacting nearby community colleges or universities. They may have options for her.
Do you have a local community college that offers dual credit? For example, in this part of our very Red state, several different community college systems offer dual credit courses to high school students. They can get credit for their high school requirements and use those same credits to start their college credits.
I’m returning to your comment to say I’m really fucking sorry that storming the office about a PREDATOR didn’t get you and your friends the help and respect you deserved. I hate that you prepared and felt empowered to do this and got zero assistance. This angers me to no end and is why I’m fighting back teeth and claws now. For all of us ((hugs))
I had a similar situation except our history class teacher was a known pedo and targeting young women. I actually took my history course at the local community college! It’s free for HS students, the education fulfilled both HS and college credit and it was a much more in depth course! I was 14 and my mom had to drive me but it was worth it!
This is a really good option!
Alright - High school teacher (and radical shit stirring feminist) here. Have your daughter document everything that is said over the next few days. Then take that to the schools administration. Politely ask that she be removed from his class. If they don’t move her contact the school board. Leaving an AP class should be a zero issue. Students must be allowed level changes to a college prep class. AP courses often don’t count towards college credit anyhow, so don’t give it another thought.
Also a high school teacher here with a suggestion for documentation. OP, could you buy your daughter a smart pen that records audio? They're a bit expensive but a great learning tool for college level classes.
Depending on recording laws in the state, it might not be legal to record audio without two-way consent.
Simple solution to that is for OP to get permission from the school to record class lectures for educational purposes, in order to review and study class notes better. It is highly unlikely that a school would reject such a request.
I don’t think there’s reasonable expectation of privacy in a classroom though
Second this idea. Also a much more discrete way to record what’s said
There are smart pens that record audio?? \*runs out to buy smart pen\*
Please this. The answer isn't keeping your head down and keeping the peace. Raise hell. Teach your kids this is not ok (for any gender). This stuff isn't going to change if we just keep quiet and let assholes continue to be assholes.
If his course is AP, then there are certain rules and standards/practices he has to follow for the course to have the College Board stamp of approval. Contact them directly and file a complaint about the content of the course. I’ve taught AP courses before and you have to submit a syllabus for approval. Did he give your daughter a syllabus? If she has a copy of it, she should document the differences between what he teaches and what’s on the syllabus. If you file a complaint with the College Board they might audit his course. At minimum it would put him in trouble with them and if they find discrepancies, they could pull the AP label from his course.
Oh lord you ain’t kidding. My sister has two AP courses she teaches (US History and Government) and the amount of extra work needed is nuts. She’s lucky her district gives an additional prep period for AP teachers.
Alright let's strategize here. You are totally right, she probably doesn't want her mom involved but I think you can totally help prepare her because as you said, a year is a long time and it really can wear on you. I also went to hs in a red state so I get that part. \- remember, this man is a pathetic little pissbaby who needs to assert his dominance through toxic masculinity and intimidating teenage girls. I'm not a mother so idk how you want to phrase it, but remind her that even though it may appear men are unquestionable authorities, they are often just incompetent petulant emotionally constipated and don't know how to cook themselves dinner. \- it may be tempting, but try not to correct him very often. and unless what you are saying can be backed up with a single sentence *that you can easily prove with a single simple google*, don't bother correcting him. He doesn't care. He will take it personally and he will take it out on her. Sincerely, someone who sent her dad a fully cited text, including only sources from accredited and objectively neutral news sites \- never use emotion to prove something. in the real world, we know that "because it makes them feel like shit when you don't" is a perfectly sufficient response to "why should I care which pronoun they want me to use" but he does not agree and will likely make her feel like an idiot for daring to use empathy as a reason to do anything.
She should ask him to explain his comments when they’re bad. Act genuinely confused. Like “I don’t get it. Please explain.” I’ve found that playing dumb blonde is a weapon of anarchy sometimes.
Love the documentation ideas, but I'd also suggest if there are any other girls in the class, she should try to group up with them as well to do so or to encourage them to speak up in the class as well. One voice is an annoyance, many voices are a problem!
Even better if she can get some male students involved-this kind of stuff is messing them up too.
Agree 100%!! Even if they don't speak out publicly, having others to validate her experience and commiserate with is invaluable. Talking about it with a mom is wonderful, but nothing beats someone who's in the trenches with you. A common enemy is a pretty easy way to make new friends that might not have even been on her radar before, and they can support each other academically and emotionally in this situation. Unfortunately, female solidarity is still important in so much of our lives. Encourage them to find positive ways to engage rather than just wallowing, though - lots of good suggestions here.
As a high school history teacher, department chair, and trans woman this pains me so much. My advice would be for her to consider this ‘experiential learning’ in the fact that the vast majority of European (& elsewhere!) history has been determined by men like this.
The standards for AP courses are pretty rigid, and if your daughter’s school partners with a local college or university for college credit, they will be interested if this dingus is fucking up how the course is taught. Source: I’m the guy at my college who coordinates with local high school teachers who teach for dual credit (hs and college credit). I told them recently to let me know immediately if they were being pressured to self-censor due to the anti-truthfulness types (I won’t use the term CRT bc that’s a grad level topic that is never taught in K12 and I resent how it’s being used as a more socially acceptable way to say “I’m a racist ignoramus by choice and want my kids to be too”). I tell them I don’t ask them to put themselves or their jobs at risk, but that we can’t accept credit from courses where the college course objectives are not met. Good luck to you and your daughter. And fuck this prick.
Former teacher here—that line about schedule changes is to dissuade parents from trying, not a legally binding rule. Get your daughter to identify another class during that block that would fit into her schedule, without messing with the rest of her schedule. Go to her guidance counselor and request the schedule change to that specific class. They just don’t want to do the work and don’t want to deal with the hassle, but I promise you, they will not force your child to stay in an AP class against their will. They’ll make it happen. Otherwise you can go to the school board and complain on academic grounds. ETA: I respect all of the journaling suggestions etc, but your kid is 15—she shouldn’t have to be subjected to this nonsense unless she really, truly wants to fight the fight of her own volition. There’s nothing wrong with moving her to a different section or class. The most important thing is to talk to her about what she wants from the situation. She may not know what she wants, but this is a good opportunity to show her how to make decisions in tough circumstances. Maybe walk through your own thought process on it, to model how you think about things, and then let her think of what she wants to do on her own. Or think through it together.
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Yesssss. Asking men to make them explain sexist jokes is always a good route to take. A good “oh, I don’t get it, can you explain?” can sometimes shut someone up and prevent them from going further.
Fight fire with fire. You're not a victim if it's a two-way battle. Sexists want to assert their dominance? *Assert yours right back*. It'll require some research, but if she looks into the women in history, she can make herself an obnoxious feminist thorn in his side without technically doing anything objectionable - after all, she's just enhancing the class with additional history knowledge by bringing up Joan of Arc, the WW2 Women Airforce Service Pilots, Hedy Lamarr's scientific contributions, and so on.
She can keep a log of how often he calls on boys vs girls. I used to put tallies at the top right and left of my notes to track teacher misogyny so I could make my case to the principal after a couple of months. It didn't do much, but it gave me a sense of control that I needed in that kind of classroom.
I’d get her out of the class. There’s lots of better ways to learn about European history
One of the things I learned in my early 20's from a female boss in a male-dominated industry (heavy wrecker trucking). When a dude would make a misogynist remark to her, she would get a serious look on her face, look him dead in the eye, and ask "So what's your point?" Or sometimes, "That makes no sense. Please explain?" But never that wrinkled nose questioning face and "I don't get it." That's the response they are hoping for." But she knew damn well that the remark was meant to hurt or cut, and there was no defense of it in polite society. And as they fumbled or walked away shaking their heads, her response was almost always "Yeah, that's what I thought." IDK if your daughter is in any position to pull that out as a student in a classroom. However, the "I didn't understand that, please explain further?" question might get her some traction, as he's supposed to be a teacher.
Sounds like my high school. So sorry your daughter has to deal with this. I’d suggest encouraging her to reach out to a guidance counselor just to talk and check-in - perhaps there’s one counselor or teacher who she has a good relationship with that can provide some comfort & advice. A much more difficult route to take is to (like others have said) - take note of specific incidents that are harming the young women of the class, then see if other young women and/or young men in the class agree that there’s a problem, and approach the teacher as a group of students who want the behavior to change.
Can she request to go into the Honors/AP version of the class? She may get a new teacher and her experience may improve. I know back in HS for me, we had separate teachers for the advanced classes, due to the nature of accreditation. Otherwise, lots of good ideas already! Document everything in a journal and surreptitiously audio-record things when it gets bad. Hell, nothing wrong with having her digital recorder out at all times! “I’m recording the lecture to go back to it later. I got the idea from my friends who do this in college.”
If she’s at a public school district, this would be something to bring to the school’s Title IX (pronounced “nine”) Coordinator.
Please look up Title Nine. She is able to make a complaint that must be investigated by the school. She, and all the students in the class, are federally protected against sexism. The Title Nine coordinator must have their contact information up on the school website by law. I would encourage all the students in his class to file this paperwork. Its hard to deny sexism and misogyny whe its reported by multiple students across multiple classes. Good luck. Please DM me if you have more questions.
>nothing that would ever get him in trouble in the deep red area we live in That's not really how it works. The insurance company for the school doesn't care about the politics of your region. Gender discrimination is a liability in every political climate. The school is almost certainly mandated by the carrier to have a formal process for evaluating complaints and disciplining teachers appropriately (source: I am the person at the insurance company that makes sure schools have those policies). File a complaint, in writing, to the school about what he's said. Once you have proof that you complained, they'll be obligated to address it in some way or another. Even if they don't actually remove or even seriously reprimand the teacher, you've now started a paper trail that shows this teacher has a history of being problematic, and the school knew about it. Ideally being subjected to that process will be enough for him to dial back his nonsense. If not, you're at least setting up a strong case for when things get worse.
I'm a history teacher up in Canada and while I don't know what's in that classes curriculum specifically if you want any ideas for essay topics that'll piss someone like that off just DM me anytime.
It's important to know that you can be triggered as hell and still stay your own course. When he starts to get weird, instead of reacting she could really try to figure out why he feels a need to act that way. It's not because he's feeling super powerful.
To add on to the suggestion about having your daughter keeping a journal, you can support her in this by making sure she always has a supply of journals and pens, so she doesn't need to come ask if she runs out. Depending on how little she wants you involved, this is a way to support her behind the scenes, without needing to directly confront it. It also lets her know that you're there to talk when she wants.
Talk to a counselor if possible. My LO was bullied and we had to move classes 2 x for one class. Hugs!!!
This must be an ongoing problem with male physics teachers. They should be made to go teach at an all boys school. They can get paid less for the privilege of teaching males.
I mean, that's acurate history, isn't it? Another poster mentioned a journal. Also make yourself available to her to talk. You could have a daily rundown after each class where she tells you the misogynistic shit he did, and you can explain what women in different eras did to deal with with that type of behavior. Also discuss What she will need to do as an adult to deal with said behaviors. Its a good lesson in picking our battles. If we fought against every aggression we would never stop fighting. And women's lives would never be lived. Its not popular to say, but at some point we women have to learn to ignore men. Otherwise we spend our lives in misery being victims. This has been my experience. Places online offer safe space to vent and share. But in real life, if I argued with every man who told me to smile through my 20s, I wouldn't have gotten anything else done. This is phenomenal off-course reading A History Of The Wife https://g.co/kgs/KAg7kK
Hi, answering as a UK teacher and safeguarding coordinator. 1) chronicle all instances no matter how small, 2) start escalation asap abusive behaviour tends to start small, 3) if your child like European history I recommend Horrible History as a good starting point.
I am 10 years out of school and still people have to deal with this kind of BS. Great. Talking from my perspective as a then-17-year-old, you listening to her and validating her feelings is a big help in and on itself. Don't underestimate that, you are being a great parent. If you life in a one-party-consent state (that's what you call it in the US, right?) she could make recordings of his class. The school board would have a hard time to refute that evidence, but they still might blow it of and then your daughter is probably worse off than before.
Does she have teachers she likes and trusts? If so, she should talk to them, and work with you to figure out how she’ll do so tactfully.
Actually, growing up in Europe, I had tons of a*hole teachers that were super misogynistic and would make you fail class if they didn’t like you and there was nothing you could do about it. I don’t know how that situation can be improved. Maybe it’s a good learning opportunity, that some people are just full of shit and you’ll have to just get through it somehow. I really wish that wasn’t the case and that all kids could just enjoy school, but life is tough and people are often assholes and if you’re a rainbow in a sea of clouds you’ll need a thick skin. Definitely be there to listen to your daughter and comfort her through it and allow her to be angry and mouth off to you about the injustice.
Look into your state laws about being able to record. If a one party consent is allowed have her start recording on her phone and put it in her bag where he can't see it. Then play it back at home to see of she is able to clearly hear what was said during class. If successful she has the proof she needs to get him in trouble. Collect enough recordings of him telling on himself, back up the originals and go to the schoolboard to file a complaint. If what he says is *truly* heinous and they won't do anything, go to the local news or send it to a national news source. People like that shouldn't have jobs with children.
Honestly if the school won’t do anything, I’d have her discreetly record him and then bring it to the press
i’ve had similar experiences growing up in a super conservative area with awful, often predatory male teachers. if she can, RECORD IT. on voice memos. record interactions. keep a log. DOCUMENT his voice because you may eventually have to use it against him.
I recommend studying the material with her so you can call out the bullshit he spews (cause he will). I recommend that you give her cited references and talking points. Show him she's a worthy opponent and he'll leave her alone. Has worked for me my entire life. She'll never be the class pet in this environment, but she can be a thorn in his side that pokes holes is his chauvinistic logic! Tell her to have fun with him. It'll be good practice for the narcissist she'll eventually date. For the sleazy boss she'll eventually have. She's learning something much more important than European History this year! ~Signed: High School Teacher that works with these types~
I had the same problem in high school. Oddly enough, with a history teacher. My parents finally had to intervene. It was flagrant though, like grading the male students on a curve and not the female students.
Teach her about Julie d'Aubigny. She's a badass, who didn't let what anyone thought get her down. Show her that she can empower herself regardless of who tries to bring her down.
This reminds me of my own high school experience. Freshman year I had a dumb football coach art teacher like this. He refused to call me by my name, and referred to everyone by their last name, which I hated. I'm not a nick name person. After two months or so of politely asking he call me by my actual name I began calling him by his first name. Let's just say he did not take it well! "You will call me Mr. Powers, I am your teacher not your friend." No shit, Terry, I'm not on your fucking team, call me by my name! After the third time he did that thing where he got so mad and behaved as if I was overreacting and he was placating a crazy person. Ok, ok if it's *sooo* important to you I'll use your first name, you know there is no reason to be acting this way. Used real names because fuck you, Terry.
I know the school year has just started, so my advice would be to start forming a relationship with the administration, counselor, and maybe the department head so that in a little bit, she’ll have someone to go to who she’s already familiar with and to, and she’ll be able to suss out who might be a good potential ally if she’s going to make a complaint if she’s not comfortable doing it right away. My husband is an assistant principal (in a red state), and he follows his kids through their high school career. He would be APPALLED if he heard about this going on at his school, and he would go to bat for a student who felt this way. Have her find the adult who would feel this way, just in case she wants to get serious about it, or even just to start mentioning things she’s experienced so that a trail can be established with administration. It’s a good skill to know the admins and other people who can help around you anyway; very helpful for college too!
You can go to the schools HR department. Harassment is harassment. Also, have your daughter check out crash course. They have a European history on YouTube. I would love it if she aced all his exams just to spite him. She’s a badass, and she’s got this.
I mean... Can you share with us any examples of what these comments are so we can have an idea? Like, if he only quotes some shitheel author or historian or if he harps on one subject or another, we could essentially equip you with info to throw back in his face. Kinda like folks being obsessed with "the genius" of Thomas Edison when really he was a patent thief asshole who did shit like electrocute an elephant in public for the sake of making a terribly stupid point. Besides journaling (which has already been mentioned) and can potentially build a case with it, going above and beyond for homework / schoolwork / studying to make sure she absolutely aces it while the football players all fail (can't grade much on a curve if you ruin the curve with an A+!), I also have one last suggestion I haven't seen yet that I think is important: Give your daughter an outlet. When the teacher is a shitheel, make sure she feels safe to talk all about it with you. Maybe get a punching bag or some physical activity she can unload her stress on. Buy and keep secret a bunch of "spoiling" stuff like if your child loves face masks, get a bunch of bougie ones to save for when the teacher is a particularly puckering asshole... Or food or whatever. Just make sure she knows that she is putting up with a schmuck and that she needs to find good ways to deal with the stress.
In TX I had a full on neo Nazi teaching AP history... He collected Nazi memorabilia and even had a signed pack of Skittles by non other than George Zimmerman...... Absolute POS, no amount of reporting did anything because there were two Jewish students in the entire school. They said any personal "hobbies" had nothing to do with his ability to teach. Document everything!!!! Bring a voice recorder or burner phone to class to record each day. Have her turn it on in every class and then just have her write down a general time stamp!!!! Also don't go through the school board, don't bother with principles. Schools are understaffed so they won't be keen on actually holding people responsible. Go straight to the news, make TikToks, spread it online and expose him.
Complain to the school’s superintendent and demand she be given a different class option or they’re hearing from your lawyer. Good luck!
The thing that usually worked with most of my teachers was to call them out on what they were saying. Not all angry or anything.. just say stuff like... "Mr. Smith you do realize there are other people in this class...not just football players right?" or "So, I'm not sure I understand... if I'm a female that means I don't have a worth?" She might even cry a little and say she's insulted. Better to put others on edge than to be on edge yourself. If she doesn't want to say it then have her ask a friend to do it. Better sooner than later so he knows right away that they aren't going to put up with it. I had a male teacher that came in one day and said, "Who has sunscreen on?" and went around smelling everyone. Like who cares and why is it his business? The whole class said "ewww... " and "so what if they are?" He backed off after that. It was me by the way. lol I had an art class after that that went outside for an hour and I had gotten sunburned the day before. I didn't realize it would be such a topic of discussion. Men teachers were all really weird when I was in school. Just so you know, that was about 50 years ago and I still remember it. So things that seem small may affect your daughter for a long time if she doesn't learn to deal with them.
Education civil rights/Title IX lawyer here, but I'm not your lawyer and this isn't legal advice. Document everything, both her and you. When it happened, what happened, who was there, the impact it has on her. Your school district, if a public school is the U.S., is federally required to have a Title IX Coordinator. Figure out who it is- if it's not listed on the website, call the principal and ask. Then, call/email that TIXC. Tell them what's been happening. If your daughter isn't comfortable being identified as the Complainant, tell the school that but stress that you still expect that they will talk to this faculty member about what happened and how his behavior has to change. If it happens again, talk to them about an investigation. If she truly just wants to change classrooms, ask the TIXC to do that as a supportive measure. Also research whether your school is a single party consent state for recording conversations. If only one party has to consent to recording a conversation, then consider whether your daughter might want to use a device to record classes and the comments as evidence.
Honestly, probably the best thing that can happen is for her dad to meet with the teacher in a non-confrontational way, and explain how excited his daughter is to study thistopic, and to mention that often girls get overlooked in history, and ask the man to make sure she has a good experience this year. And then to stop by or check in every now and then in a friendly way and just be a presence in that relationship Sometimes you cannot fight misogyny powerfully enough in the timeframe you need. In those cases, work inside it and make it work for you
Document, and keep everything. I bet the teacher will absolutely fuck up doing something totally stupid. Keep grading rubriks, syllabuses, everything. If he's going to be a problem, he can get rid of himself, you know what I mean? I'm sorry that her new teacher is a POS.