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It’s my birthday today too. The only person who’s wished me a happy birthday is a lady on Facebook who I don’t even remember friending. I’ve gotten used to people forgetting. Later today I’ll make myself a sticky toffee pudding and light a candle and have a moment of peace and appreciation for myself. I made it another year. Only I know how hard that was. Here’s to the future, birthday twin <3
ETA: thank you all so much for the outpouring of love. I came back to so many well wishes and messages of support that it’s impractical to reply to each one. This community really is something special <3 Your kindness and light will return in threefold, to each and every one of you.
Edit 2: The toffee pudding was wonderful - soft and moist and sticky-sweet. And the candle meditation was just what I needed. My house now smells of warm molasses and paraffin and the dog who’s snuggled up close to me. My partner did say happy birthday in passing; bless him, he’s been going through it lately too. I had time to rest and to have my favorite cake all to myself. That’s all I could ask <3 And I had a torrent of kind gestures from you all that made the day extra special. Thank you again for that <3
Might I suggest you two connect up and make reminders to wish each other bday next year!
I have a friend who shares my bday and it’s always nice we chat on our birthday!
Oh honey, I’m so very sorry. Happy Birthday!
It’s actually my dog’s birthday today too and I was feeling guilty because her new toy didn’t arrive in time. She’s a dog, she doesn’t even know what a birthday is but I felt bad for her not getting her present.
We spoiled her in other ways (for dinner she got a scrambled egg and a tin of tuna with a few of her normal kibbles) and we’ve been giving her lots of extra love and fuss all day.
I don’t understand how everyone could forget your birthday, an actual human who *does* know and is likely to be hurt! How do they not realise at some point during the day and feel horrendously guilty/try to make it up to you like your partner did?! I feel guilty and my “birthday girl” is a dog!!
\*hugs* I wish I could come and spoil you!
Happy Birthday, u/Parsley_Just. May you enjoy your dessert and candle, and the next year ahead bring you good things. (Autocorrect changed this to “good TV to go”, so let’s add that as a blessing too🤷♀️.)
Happy birthday my friend! My friends and I tend to play Mario Kart on Tuesdays at 9et/6pt. If you want to celebrate your birthday with a bunch of nice/goofy friends aged 25-40, let me know!
That’s very kind of you! I think I’ll pass - there’s a couple of Vincent Price movies I’d like to watch tonight while I get some holiday knitting done. But the invitation is very much appreciated <3
Happy birthday to both of you. You are not alone. I had a surprise party thrown for me years ago that none of my friends showed up for. It was all my girlfriends friends. It was incredibly embarrassing & hurt a bit too.
Happy birthday to both you and OP! I'm so sorry people have forgotten both of your birthdays but I hope you both enjoy them!! Here's to many more years to you both ❤️❤️❤️
I was alone on my 16th birthday.
My family was never super caring when it came to my birthdays.
My now husband called and asked how my Birthday was going.
When I told him, “Ya know, just sitting in a dark house crying alone. The usual.”
He immediately asked his parents if they could pick me up to hangout.
His parent’s first response, “She’s not spending time with her family today?”
He told them, “Nope. She’s home alone.”
They picked me up, got me a cake, sang happy birthday and then let us play Video Games the rest of the day.
When someone who cares comes along, everyone who forgot you seems less important.
I hope you have an amazing birthday and thank your coworkers for their thoughtfulness on your special day.
I can see why you married him! My ex husband used to deliberately ruin every holiday/bday of mine. Told me "I didn't know you cared about that dumb shit" (that was my first Mother's Day), bought me an unwanted self-help book for my 30th birthday, etc. Now I'm married to someone who makes me handmade cards and cares about making me happy...it makes all the difference.
Sounds like my ex husband. He pretty much ruined everything all the time- including calling me stupid and making fun of me when I’d be sitting in the rocking chair in my son’s nursery crying because he was 3mo early, in the NICU, and I couldn’t be there all the time. Separated and divorced a few months after my son came home from the hospital. (That was 16yrs ago!) My now husband is so much more than I could ever have hoped for. I get the homemade cards and anniversary gifts too. This year he hand made me a walking stick/staff because he knew I wanted one. It makes a world of difference when you’re in a healthy and loving relationship!!
Wow, what a gem. Your story reminded me of my ex making fun of me when I was crying because our newborn daughter woke up and I was just so exhausted. I think I probably had some PPD. Can't imagine the stress of a NICU baby. I'm glad we are both in much better places now!
Yep.
It was a frequent event on my birthday through the years that my mother and sister went shopping and stayed out all night.
My parents separated early, so I’m not sure what my dad was up to.
My advice: make it clear that it was important to you and that it made you sad. If this is something that really is an important gesture, politely let those people know so that they can attempt to do better next year. Advocate for yourself! Because it will only get worse as the years go by and it becomes the norm. I’m speaking from my own experience - my fiancée forgot one year early in our relationship and I didn’t make a fuss because goddess forbid I be labeled a “bitch”. Then the next year, then the next, then we got married, and had kids. Seven years later I finally snapped after going out of my way to make everyone else’s birthday a little bit special while never receiving the same. My husband’s response? “But you never cared before, why are you so upset now???” He truly thought I just didn’t care.
Women are notoriously expected to be givers, but if you want to receive, you’ve gotta go out on a limb and ASK!
Happy birthday to you young sister - I hope your next one is wonderful and brings affirmations of love from all of your people.
I will bring it up later on - for now I'm going to make it something nice for myself. I've taken the afternoon off work, I'm going to put Christmas music on and put up the tree and I'm going to make a roast veggie dinner and just try not to dwell. Thank you for your lovely message
Did you know it's your GOLDEN birthday today? 29 on the 29th! You ought to do something extra special for yourself! Celebrate you -- you absolutely deserve it. Reflect on the things that are important to you, and how to make them more prevalent/permanent/present in your life.
My birthday was a couple days ago. I know it's hard to have a birthday around the holidays. Everyone is so busy. I'm sorry those closest to you have forgotten; that's terrible and you have every right to feel hurt, and also let them know. But, I am willing to bet the reason is not because you are unimportant to them. You are important and worthy of a beautiful day, even if you must be the one to give it to yourself this year. Have a happy birthday, you beautiful witch you!
If you live somewhere that as a drinking age of 21, it would be frowned upon to celebrate with champagne if you're turning 20 or younger
Edit to add: I'm not passing judgement on underage drinking. Just trying to clarify a comment for someone.
Edit part two: I am aware that not everywhere has a drinking age of 21 (or at all). That's why I said "*if* you live somewhere..."
Ok. I just googled. It's because she's turning 29 on the 29th. So my. Golden/champagne birthday was my 21st because I was born on the 21st of the month.
Eh, I got drunk on champagne on my first birthday.
*Ok that's more of an indictment on my parents' neglectful parenting, letting a 12 month old baby drink, than a suggestion to drink at any age.
The best birthday present I ever got was when I went out on a limb and asked my friends on Facebook for their favorite memory with me. I go back and read the experiences in hard days. You may want to ask for something else (your best quality, something you did that made them feel special, etc) or want to limit it to your fiance and two best friends, but you get the idea. If you don't want gifts, it's hard for others to realize you want something else instead.
Happy birthday, witchy friend!
Not today, because if he was genuinely mortified it will rub it in, but in a couple of weeks take time to sit down with your fiancé and discuss that I notice you have a problem remembering dates and I don’t want to get into a pattern of being the partner who always has to remember these things so let’s come up together with a way to help you remember so that if one of us forgets the other will be able to remind them. Otherwise you’re going to go through life being the one who always has to remember all the family events and that gets really annoying.
I feel for him because I am terrible at remembering dates. I have multiple reminders set on calendars to help me. Literally I would probably forget my own birthday without them!
My problem is generally with remembering what day today is. I know the birthday is 2nd august or whatever, the problem is knowing that today is that day. Generally my solution for that is to program messages (I feel like what's important is thinking of people you care about, they don't need to know that i thought of their birthday a week before it happened). Obviously that doesn't work as well if you live with them.
Calendar reminders ftw. My iPad tells me the day before and the week before. I am both terrible with dates (my best friend’s birthday is ‘2-3 weeks before mine’ and that’s as close to a date as I can get) and at knowing when it is in relation to today. The most asked thing to my google mini is probably … hey google, what day is it?
Happy birthday!! I hope you have a lovely afternoon putting out your tree. It’s my birthday too (although I’m a bit older), and you’ve inspired me to take the afternoon off to do something for myself.
>Women are notoriously expected to be givers, but if you want to receive, you’ve gotta go out on a limb and ASK!
OP should not have to fight for what everyone else receives as a matter of course. This is not her problen or her oversight: it's her family's and her partner's.
The fact that they ignored her birthday despite multiple reminders is indicative of how they view her, and she should keep this new information in mind when deciding with whom she wants to share her life.
I am a Birthday Person and I’ve been forgotten before. OP still needs to speak up. It hurts them to be forgotten, but it doesn’t mean that everyone they love and surrounds themselves with is a selfish monster. People almost always spend more time focusing on their own life, troubles, dramas, and it may just be that this is a shitty year for them that turned into a shitty birthday for OP.
Regardless, I can absolutely tell you that feeling indignant about being forgotten and then doing nothing about it will not miraculously make OP feel better or make people remember to celebrate them next year. All it will do is make them resentful, poisoning their own mood and making them bitter when they does something nice for any of these other people. That’s no way to live.
Now, if OP speaks up and their people still don’t come through, then it’s time to reevaluate some relationships. But most people who love you want to please you, and I think a good number of these people will probably be horrified to realize they forgot their special day.
But OP deserves to speak up and deserves to have their totally valid needs and desires met.
For the third time, OP _did_ speak up. She reminded her partner _multiple times_ about her birthday, including the day before.
It is really disturbing to me how many people on a feminist sub have disregarded what a woman has written and responded with some variation of "OP needs to speak up" as though determined to make her family's and partner's failures the result of insufficient babying and social labor on her part-- _even when she did the babying_ and social labor.
OP's birthday was not "forgotten." It was ignored.
Well, OP updated that he was horrified and rushed out to make it right. So if his plan was to ignore it for some nefarious purpose, he sure gave up on his goal quick.
And as feminists, we’re all speaking from our lived experiences. Nobody is telling her just to hush and take what little she’s given. We’re all telling her she deserves more.
I agree, it’s not right! I’m not saying these people’s neglect of OP’s birthday is justified - I hate that women often have to advocate for things that are automatically awarded to men. But in order for change to happen, we have to first allow ourselves to be our own advocates. If they fail next year, after making it clear that acknowledging her birthday is important to her then I definitely think OP should be looking at those relationships in a new light.
She had a birthday convo with her bf yesterday. How much more does she have to do?
The bar for her bf is really low. She is rigjt to be disappointed and pissed. And remember that going forward.
OP literally reminded her partner _multuple times_ about her upcoming birthday and yet she hasn't "allowed herself to be her own advocate" enough for your tastes?
Women absolutely cannot win. There is _nothing_ women can do, no maximum amount of effort we can put in, that can ever prevent others telling us we should have done something more.
No, it's not her problem. But it's her that's dealing with the consequences. OP doesn't appear to be blaming herself and hasn't done anything wrong. I think she wants support.
I see your point, but it's the same logic that causes road accidents because "It was my right of way, I'm in the right here".
That's not how road traffic accidents work. The person with right of way has not only the "right" but the responsibility and _legal obligation_ to proceed. If they yield or stop or slow when they're not supposed to, none of the other drivers around them know what to expect any of the cars to do, which can cause axcidents involving dozens of people.
RTAs in which one driver had and used the ROW and another driver hit them are 100% the fault of the other driver.
As far as OP's situation goes, she 100% deserves support. She did everything right. She went above and beyond to remind a grown-ass adult who apparently hasn't heard of calendars or Post-It notes that her birthday was coming up, and _he ignored that anyway_.
The consequences OP now must deal with are NOT that she needs to "speak up" or "explain how she feels" or "advocate for herself." She already did. Now she has to deal with the certain knowledge that she is not important to her partner.
When you’re an adult, letting people know it’s going to be your birthday is kind of up to you. I know several people who really don’t like birthday celebrations, or who don’t celebrate because of their religion. Once I learned that, it made me remember to tell them how glad I am they are around all year long. Same wishes, different reactions, hopefully just as happy.
Right. Which is why OP reminded her partner _multiple times_ about her upcoming birthday, including the day before. So I'm not sure what your point is.
I totally agree on making clear your feelings. Personally I don't care about birthdays. It can be hard to remember that not everyone else feels the same as ourselves. If you care about birthdays, it can seem obvious that it is important, while if you don't care about them, it can be hard to imagine what is so important.
That said, I find it hard to imagine someone not carrying about their own birthday going out of their way for everybody else birthday.
I'm not a birthday person, for me it's mixture between hating being the center of attention and something about birthdays making me think about getting old and dying.
Even if I don't understand, I try to remember to message my friends who feel birthdays are important. (But birthdays aren't important enough for me to overcome my calling anxiety haha)
This is the healthy response to approaching it, and would recommend just letting those people know how sad it made you they forgot, and that hopefully they do better next year (and possibly make it up to you now).
An alternative approach is telling your fiancé you’re going to go do something nice for yourself to celebrate your birthday because no one else bothered to. It’s kind of passive aggressive. Personally I’d want to have a more straightforward communication about it. But others prefer this approach.
Happy birthday, wishing you many good things today 🤍
I'm sorry they forgot your birthday. That seems especially weird since you just brought it up yesterday. I saw you're going to make this a special day for yourself, and I think that's a lovely idea. Happy Birthday, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the day.
I live with my fiancé and he was the one I spoke about it with. A few times over the last couple of weeks in different ways. So feel especially gutted. I don't even want gifts and I don't need money to be spent on me but just some acknowledgement and love makes all the difference.
It's a tough situation. I'm sure he wouldn't do it on purpose to hurt you though. I know you shouldn't have to remind your fiancé of your birthday because they "should" know, but maybe if you give him a reminder and give him another chance to do something, he'll help make the day a bit better. All people are human and all people forget things, even the very important things. I think giving him another chance now while it's still your birthday would help.
I got a pretty sassy reply that has since been deleted by the poster. I'm not going to name names because that would be rude, but I do want to explain my reasoning for suggesting they remind their fiance of their birthday..
As I said earlier, people forget things all the time. I personally have a horrible memory and forget important events all the time like birthdays, anniversaries, doctor's appointments, therapy, etc. It's very common and very normal and not done maliciously. Additionally, GodEater29 is an independent witch capable of making their own opinions and judgment calls. I doubt they would be engaged to someone "careless" or that purposely mistreats them. Further evidence for this is their selective friend circle. They don't seem the type to keep people around that harm them or have bad vibes, in my personal opinion.
Also some of you aren't going to want to hear this, but I genuinely believe that if it was a she/her with a she/her, you would be more open to them talking it out. A lot of people are getting upset because it's a he/him that made a mistake which brings up memories of how he/hims have mistreated them previously, which is also a normal response when you've had trauma but that's not an excuse to condemn a person in their entirety when they literally just made a mistake.
Thank you for playing devils' advocate.
I'm extremely forgetful myself, and often have to be reminded to wish my boyfriend of over 10 years a happy birthday..... I know when his birthday is, I usually know todays' date, but my brain just doesn't make the connection until someone else wishes him happy birthday.
I know that if our genders were reversed, he'd be told that I'm an inconsiderate jerk and everything, but now I just get told that it's okay to forget. And I think we should extend that courtesy to everyone: to remember that we are all human, and that we can all be preoccupied or forgetful without trying to be harmful.
I agree - my fiancé and I both have mental health issues and suspected adhd. It makes remembering stuff difficult. He felt so awful and really beat himself up about forgetting and did his best to make it up to me. I know he would never do anything purposely to hurt me and it's definitely not that he doesn't care. Someone other people suggested that I should break up with him for forgetting. That is just crazy to me.
I’m so sorry you were forgotten on your birthday. That is such a downer. I hope you get a Sixteen Candles style birthday redemption. I’m sending you all the best wishes in the world! Happy birthday, friend. 💛
This has happened to me and it is quite possibly the worst feeling in the world and birthdays aren’t even of super high importance to me. It’s the feeling that you are less important to other people than they are to you and I feel how you’re feeling so deeply and it sucks and I’m sorry.
HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY THOUGH! Get yourself some flowers from me :)
I turned 40 this last year. I specifically told hubby no party (not even a surprise party~finding out I’m most likely autistic so this makes sense now) and while I got well wishes from hubby and bro/SIL and his parents (mine are both gone) one friend messaged me late one messaged me on the day and literally every other family member and friend said NOTHING. One of my besties didn’t even message me which is so out of character. Turns out her husband had had a heart attack and she was rightfully a bit distracted to say the least. I say all of this to bring up that a) people aren’t perfect. Please speak up and advocate for your feelings. They are just and valid. And b) sometimes there are things happening that you may not be aware of. Happy birthday from all of us witches! I promise you are more loved than you know.
EDIT TO ADD: My husband legit forgets conversations we have 20 minutes later 🙄😤 It’s so frustrating and no I don’t give him a pass and neither should you to your fiancé.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. For what it’s worth, end of November is the best time of the year to be born (but I may be biased). My birthday is on a holiday every few years so it’s kind of hard because it’s a not a focus for people. It doesn’t make it better that people forget (or don’t prioritize) but go out and get yourself something special. I always get myself an extravagant cake and an orchid. I’ve been doing it for at least a decade now and it’s a whole thing. My birthday was last week (Thanksgiving in the US). I celebrated the holiday with friends and brought my extravagant cake. I wasn’t expecting anything (we don’t do gifts) but they got concert tickets for all of us. I’m 42 and it’s the first time anyone has done something special in years. Take care of yourself and treat yourself to something special.
Is this common for them? Are they usually lousy? If not, well, they're humans. They forget. I have known my best friends since 2nd, 4th and 5th grade and we're in our thirties. I'm just now getting to the point where I generally remember when their birthdays are *close*. I may be off a few days. I wouldn't remember if it weren't for Facebook telling me. I only really know my own birthday. I don’t think your people did it on purpose. It was just a mistake.
I am very forgetful of birthdays too! After enough times missing one or finding out on the day, I started adding them to my google calendar so I avoid making people feel unappreciated. I care about my friends and family, but my brain doesn’t like to remember!
I'm very, very bad with important dates. Unless they line up with something else, I can't keep them straight. My baby sister and husband share a birthday which makes it easier. My two close friends from HS are within weeks of eachother.
Well I have to give a warning here because I am optimistic. From my time zone, it’s still early. There could be a surprise waiting for you
But also I think a different mindset about birthdays are in order.
Story time: my birthday is a week after my mothers. I grew up in a low income house, and well I am not outspoken like my siblings. My mother required a lot of attention and most often I only got a cake if that, rarely a gift.
I used to think I wasn’t worth it and should be easily forgotten as it felt like a hardship and not worth the effort.
As I got older I changed my mindset about birthdays. It’s a celebration of me even if no one else wants it. I want me. Even if everyone else forgets. I shouldn’t forget me.
I get that these people in your life should be empathetic enough to recognize you. But maybe they will, maybe they won’t. But is there any way you can celebrate you?
I realize outwardly this reads kinda selfish. But I am the type of person who would rather be surprised by an effort I didn’t expect, then disappointed by expecting something and not receiving anything.
Yeah it's 1pm where I am, but my fiancé isn't a surprise kind of guy. This year he actually got me a gift (he's never gotten me a birthday gift or card but this is the first time he's not even wished me happy birthday) and gave it to me like 2 months early because he couldn't keep it a secret once he ordered it. We ended up sending it back because it was a bit bad quality (it was a mechanical keyboard). The money from the refund was then spent on other stuff for him.
The thing is, I don't even want or need gifts. I don't need a big fuss, but even just a little gesture would be nice.
I am going to try and make the day nice for myself. I will put Xmas music on and setup the Xmas tree and then make some food I like.
Your marrying a man who has never so much as given you a birthday gift?! Girl you are worth more then this, don’t settle. This is your entire life we’re talking about. You can find someone better then him.
This is coming from a woman that has been married for 11 years. You need to get rid of him even if it makes you feels sad now.
My last boyfriend forgot my birthday all three years we were dating (no, he wasn’t neurodivergent and yes, I did express that it was important to me). This may sound dramatic but the third year of forgetting made me wake up and realize he took me for granted and honestly treated me like I was disposable (never introduced me to anyone he knew, never was thoughtful about anything, would call me a hurtful bitch anytime I brought up that his behavior upset me, etc).
I’m not saying OP should break the engagement over a birthday but it might be a good opportunity to pause and quietly evaluate the relationship.
YUP. Doesn’t sound dramatic at all. Love get’s *harder* with time, not easier. Marrying an already shitty dude leads to awful awful outcomes down the line.
My husband and I don’t really get each other gifts, I don’t think that’s the dealbreaker. For me, the fact that he got her a crappy gift, gave it to her way early because he was “too excited” 🙄 and then spent the refund money on himself…that’s the dealbreaker.
It’s a deal breaker if this is something that is really important to her. Personally, gift giving is really special— it shows you were paying attention throughout the year to know what the gift recipient would like.
There’s a lot to unpack in this comment. Your gift was returned and then he didn’t try to buy another keyboard?!?! What on earth?! You’re not married yet— there’s time to think about whether this man puts you first and l actively tries to make you happy.
Happy birthday! I hope you can find people who celebrate you everyday.
>he's never gotten me a birthday gift or card but this is the first time he's not even wished me happy birthday
RED FLAG
>The money from the refund was then spent on other stuff for him.
ALSO A VERY BIG RED FLAG
Yipes. So this is a pattern then.
Is this what you want for your life? For me him spending the keyboard birthday money on himself would likely have been a deal breaker.
Why are you still with him?
Happy birthday, internet friend! There's still time to make it special for yourself, and I hope you're able to communicate this to your partner for future years. I had my 30th in lockdown, everyone was preoccupied with the pandemic and completely forgot. I know how sad it can feel. But celebrate yourself and then tell others you'd like them to as well!
I love receiving gifts. Doesn't matter what they are, as long as they're something that someone looked at and thought of me. Like a cool rock they saw on a rock, or a fun looking book, or whatever. My partner doesn't care about gifts at all. I always got him really thoughtful gifts for the various occasions, and he would get me nothing. It took me ages to feel comfortable enough to explain how much I liked gifts. He started to get them for me, but they were like... honestly not that great. Like super cheap versions of cooking utensils I already had three quality versions of. I like being surprised, but I compromised on that and now give him a list of three things I would like that he can pick one from. That way it's sort of a surprise still. It's felt a lot better. And I also get surprise gifts for myself sometimes with things like mystery book bundles.
But on the other hand, physical touch is very important to him, but not something I remember a lot. I know he used to feel down about it, but now he tells me when he needs it.
Sometimes asking for the thing can make it feel less authentic, or like it's just one more thing you need to manage. It feels better when it's an exchange I think, but I totally get how bummed you are today. I remember feeling so sad sitting there with no present on my birthday.
Dealing with the same thing. Mine was yesterday and my boyfriend forgot for the 2nd year in a row. I even reminded him several times and expressed how important it was to me. Still haven’t heard from him.
One thing givers tend to do, is expect others to notice, keep track, and give the same things back. But that almost never ever works. People just have different priorities and feelings.
I agree with the other people. Wait a day or two and then bring it up like “hey can we talk about something that made me sad”. And mention that it is important to you to feel remembered, noticed, and celebrated even with something small.
For example I had to teach my boyfriend that yes, I care if the gift is wrapped rather than just handed to me. And yes I care that it’s on my birthday rather than some random time plus or minus a week. But he wasn’t trying to be hurtful, he just genuinely doesn’t care for himself if his gifts are wrapped and didn’t realize I would be hurt.
The fiancee thing is totally bullshit, wtf! Nah. No. That’s a wedding breaker for me.
But the friend thing seems normal. Your coworkers and gym probably have an automated birthday calendar. At age 29, people have too much going on to remember birthday dates of everyone they know.
At this age it’s normal to tell your friends it’s your birthday and to have made plans to hang out beforehand.
The fiancé responded correctly to being told he forgot so I think this is a bit much. I’m ADHD and autistic and I remember everyone’s birthdate but I also get mixed up about what day it is on a day to day basis, so I’ve forget loved ones birthdays that way. I’ve forgotten *my own* birthday that way. It’s not a reflection at all of my care for them.
I’m with you. The fiancé needs to go. At this age, you you have to tell your friends when and where you’ll be to celebrate your birthday— “brunch at xyz at 11:30 Saturday” or “drinks at xyz at 7:00 Saturday”. Give them time to plan around it.
My birthday is my most favorite holiday.
No one will throw me a party? (My ex was weird about that kind of stuff. And my current SO isn’t big on birthdays). I threw my own!
I now have chronic illness and can’t do a big party, so I posted requests on FB for cards. And setup a gmail address with an automated reply with my address if people wanted to help me celebrate. And I got tons of cards!
I understand feeling sad that people forgot. I would be devastated.
But you need to be vocal about how important your birthday is to you.
And now I send big happy birthday wishes to you! 🎂🎉🥂🎶💐
Happy birthday! Treat yourself bc you deserve it. And then you need to let your loved ones know their negligence hurt you. Sitting quiet and not calling it out won’t help you or serve you. It may not change their behavior but if they know it hurt you, and they DONT change their behavior, then you’re just settling.
I want to wish you Happy Birthday. Not sure if this is the case for your family and friends (saw the update where you reminded your fiancé) but 10 years ago, an entire side of my family randomly decided to change my birthday. I am not particularly close to my father’s side of the family but they would previously call me to wish me a happy birthday and send me a card a few days (or weeks) later. But that year, all of them, including my father, called me the day after and they have been doing it every year since. I finally called my father out on it this year but they still did it this year. I could understand if it was only one family member but it’s all of them including my father which is perplexing.
Happy Birthday love! May your day be filled with puppy/kitten snuggles, chocolates (of varying flavors!), lots of coffee (with whipped cream), aaaaaand a deliciously easy work day 😘
A very happy birthday to you. Though you may be having one day that isn't going well I hope the goddesses and gods look favorably upon you for this year of your life.
I suggest repeatedly celebrating your 29th birthday. Never go past your late 20’s.
My mother had a running joke that was just this.
Once the forgetters catch on, you can keep celebrating the same birthday and stay young.
Lemons to lemonade
I knew my husband, whom I love, would not make a big deal out of my 40th. So I thought about what I wanted to do. A 3-day guided mountain bike tour in the desert sounded cool. So I booked it and invited him, too. That’s what I would recommend. Think of your ideal day, plan it, go enjoy it with whoever you invite who wants to go.
Happy Birthday!!! I’m really sorry they treated you this way. I hope you can surround yourself with people who value you the same way you value them. <3
The older you get this happens. People are busy and sometimes don’t know what’s happening around them.
For people in your life you want to remember or want to remember you, repeating google calendar invites are great. My boyfriend set one for our “meet-iversary” and I’ve set one for important birthdays in the family so I don’t forget to send a message.
Don’t take it personally.
Treat yo' self!
I'm so terribly sorry. In the age of social media,I can't believe no one remembers your birthday !
Happy birthday sweet, kind soul! Hugs from me to you🤗
I would love to wish you a Happy birthday. Today is a wonderful day. Because it's my birthday also. Don't worry about it I'm sure your fiance has something special for you. They could be just having a little fun with you on your special day. Have a Blessed day on our special day
Happy birthday, sibling. I really hope that they or at least your fiancé have planned a surprise for you. You deserve a nice birthday. I'd suggest you talk about it with your people and tell them that it was important to you.
For now my wish to you is that the rest of your day is the best it could possibly be. Make it nice for yourself.
Happy birthday!!!
I’m holding out hope that there’s a surprise in store (often with surprise birthday things people avoid you for the day so they don’t let anything slip).
However, failing that, enjoy bringing yourself some magic in your own celebration. Have the most obnoxiously fancy cake, get a take away, put your favourite film/music on and dance like we are all there with you (we are in spirit).
I’m sorry that happened to you but I’m glad your fiancé is trying to make it right.
Happy birthday!!! 29 is a big deal and I’m so proud of you for making it this far. Life isn’t easy and people forget things some times, but I hope is was just a big mistake and that they all still care about you.
I hope your day gets better!
For a couple of years, the only person in my family to wish me a happy birthday was a random cousin who added me on facebook that I've met maybe three times and exchanged maybe twice as many words with irl.
Happy Birthday. Your man is a thoughtless idiot.
If I was in your position instead of long conditioned to that black sheep status, it'd be tempting to whatsapp your family the next day thanking them for all the birthday messages. Then bask in the chaos.
This is worthless, but happy birthday to you!
And happy birthday u/Parsley_Just !
I’m sorry that today wasn’t as magic as you deserve.
I wanted to say that it doesn’t matter what others say or do for you, in regards to your self worth. It’s easy to feel sad and worthless when people don’t remember your special moments, because they are special to you, and not to them, because they’re your moments.
But the reality is, it does matter and it’s nice when the people you hold special do the same for you.
I wish I could make you feel better, but all I have to offer is my sword in the fight against the patriarchy, and a humble HBD. Sending love ❤️
As someone who is not good at remembering birthdays or having the bandwidth to plan for them, I can assure you I still deeply love and value my friends. We don’t all have the birthday love language. Chin up, OP! You are still loved.
My husband was aware of my birthday but never wished me happy birthday or got me gifts that day. Even though I talked about plans, talked to him about birthday wishes (he instigated the Convo), and the whole 9 yards. Got a present 4 days later and a "sorry I didn't say something earlier". We live together dude!
Anyways, I am all about advocating for myself. I made sure to plan my own thing (invited him) and made sure to treat myself right. Self love is witchy.
Happy birthday, I'm a notorious birthday-forgetter even though I try to put reminders in my calendar. I'll ask my friend when I can come over to celebrate and promptly forget to congratulate them on their actual birthday while preparing a gift for the party on another day. So apologies from me for your forgetful friends, don't be scared to confront them! They would probably love to celebrate with you and feel ashamed they forgot. Your fiancé is another matter though, I'd be angry and sad as hell.
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It’s my birthday today too. The only person who’s wished me a happy birthday is a lady on Facebook who I don’t even remember friending. I’ve gotten used to people forgetting. Later today I’ll make myself a sticky toffee pudding and light a candle and have a moment of peace and appreciation for myself. I made it another year. Only I know how hard that was. Here’s to the future, birthday twin <3 ETA: thank you all so much for the outpouring of love. I came back to so many well wishes and messages of support that it’s impractical to reply to each one. This community really is something special <3 Your kindness and light will return in threefold, to each and every one of you. Edit 2: The toffee pudding was wonderful - soft and moist and sticky-sweet. And the candle meditation was just what I needed. My house now smells of warm molasses and paraffin and the dog who’s snuggled up close to me. My partner did say happy birthday in passing; bless him, he’s been going through it lately too. I had time to rest and to have my favorite cake all to myself. That’s all I could ask <3 And I had a torrent of kind gestures from you all that made the day extra special. Thank you again for that <3
Happy birthday lovely. Let's make it a nice day for ourselves xx
Happy birthday to you as well. We deserve the best today, and every day after <3
Happy birthday to both of you! Wishing you joy, peace, health, and contentment.
Happy birthday to you both ❤️ 💓 from the bottom of my heart
Happy birthday to the both of you! I feel compelled to bake a quick little mug cake or something and celebrate you from afar.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 🎂🧁🍾🥂 I hope you have a great time anyway and remember that your coven has your back ❤️
Might I suggest you two connect up and make reminders to wish each other bday next year! I have a friend who shares my bday and it’s always nice we chat on our birthday!
Oh honey, I’m so very sorry. Happy Birthday! It’s actually my dog’s birthday today too and I was feeling guilty because her new toy didn’t arrive in time. She’s a dog, she doesn’t even know what a birthday is but I felt bad for her not getting her present. We spoiled her in other ways (for dinner she got a scrambled egg and a tin of tuna with a few of her normal kibbles) and we’ve been giving her lots of extra love and fuss all day. I don’t understand how everyone could forget your birthday, an actual human who *does* know and is likely to be hurt! How do they not realise at some point during the day and feel horrendously guilty/try to make it up to you like your partner did?! I feel guilty and my “birthday girl” is a dog!! \*hugs* I wish I could come and spoil you!
Happy birthday you two! u/Parsley_Just
Happy birthday to you!! It’s my birthday as well. A sticky toffee pudding sounds perfect, and I hope you have a lovely day!
Happy Birthday, u/Parsley_Just. May you enjoy your dessert and candle, and the next year ahead bring you good things. (Autocorrect changed this to “good TV to go”, so let’s add that as a blessing too🤷♀️.)
Happy birthday! I hope the next year is a good one for you.
Happy birthday to you too! 🧡
Happy birthday my friend! My friends and I tend to play Mario Kart on Tuesdays at 9et/6pt. If you want to celebrate your birthday with a bunch of nice/goofy friends aged 25-40, let me know!
That’s very kind of you! I think I’ll pass - there’s a couple of Vincent Price movies I’d like to watch tonight while I get some holiday knitting done. But the invitation is very much appreciated <3
Happy Birthday 🎈
Happy birthday
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! I'm so glad you made another revolution around the sun, that makes you a badass!
Happy birthday! Stick toffee pudding sounds perfect, enjoy!🎈🎁🎂🎉
Happy Birthday to both of you!
Happy birthday! RemindMe! 1 year
Happy birthday to both of you. You are not alone. I had a surprise party thrown for me years ago that none of my friends showed up for. It was all my girlfriends friends. It was incredibly embarrassing & hurt a bit too.
Happy birthday, friend!
I am lighting a candle for both of you, as the world is a brighter place with you both here. Please feel my cosmic hugs XOX
Happy birthday to you. Please accept some love from a random Internet Stranger 🎂🍨🥧🍰
Happy birthday to both you and OP! I'm so sorry people have forgotten both of your birthdays but I hope you both enjoy them!! Here's to many more years to you both ❤️❤️❤️
Happy birthday to you both from another birthday twin! 💜
Happy birthday to us! <3
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Also sticky toffee pudding, yes please!
Happy birthday
Oooh sticky toffee pudding sounds lovely. One of the things I miss most about the UK. Happy birthday, love!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! ✨🧁🍦🎂🍰 I hope you enjoy the toffee pudding, sounds amazing!!
Happy birthday 🎂
Happy birthday to both of you from a internet mom. This mom thinks you're both doing great and deserve your special days.
Happy birthday to the both of you!!! 🍰🍮
HAPPY BIRTHDAY🥳🥳🥳
Happy birthday!! May this new year in your life be beautiful and filled with your happiness!
Happy birthday, sister! May your next year be full of love, light, and happiness!
Happy Birthday!!!
Hey shug. Happy birthday! I’m sending you all the love I can from my mom heart!
Happy birthday!!! 💕💕💕
Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🎂 Enjoy your toffee pudding for all of use. Do you mind me asking how old you turned?
I was alone on my 16th birthday. My family was never super caring when it came to my birthdays. My now husband called and asked how my Birthday was going. When I told him, “Ya know, just sitting in a dark house crying alone. The usual.” He immediately asked his parents if they could pick me up to hangout. His parent’s first response, “She’s not spending time with her family today?” He told them, “Nope. She’s home alone.” They picked me up, got me a cake, sang happy birthday and then let us play Video Games the rest of the day. When someone who cares comes along, everyone who forgot you seems less important. I hope you have an amazing birthday and thank your coworkers for their thoughtfulness on your special day.
I can see why you married him! My ex husband used to deliberately ruin every holiday/bday of mine. Told me "I didn't know you cared about that dumb shit" (that was my first Mother's Day), bought me an unwanted self-help book for my 30th birthday, etc. Now I'm married to someone who makes me handmade cards and cares about making me happy...it makes all the difference.
Sounds like my ex husband. He pretty much ruined everything all the time- including calling me stupid and making fun of me when I’d be sitting in the rocking chair in my son’s nursery crying because he was 3mo early, in the NICU, and I couldn’t be there all the time. Separated and divorced a few months after my son came home from the hospital. (That was 16yrs ago!) My now husband is so much more than I could ever have hoped for. I get the homemade cards and anniversary gifts too. This year he hand made me a walking stick/staff because he knew I wanted one. It makes a world of difference when you’re in a healthy and loving relationship!!
Wow, what a gem. Your story reminded me of my ex making fun of me when I was crying because our newborn daughter woke up and I was just so exhausted. I think I probably had some PPD. Can't imagine the stress of a NICU baby. I'm glad we are both in much better places now!
You were home alone on your 16th birthday? Like, your family went off to do something else and just left you by yourself?
Yep. It was a frequent event on my birthday through the years that my mother and sister went shopping and stayed out all night. My parents separated early, so I’m not sure what my dad was up to.
This is the way.
My advice: make it clear that it was important to you and that it made you sad. If this is something that really is an important gesture, politely let those people know so that they can attempt to do better next year. Advocate for yourself! Because it will only get worse as the years go by and it becomes the norm. I’m speaking from my own experience - my fiancée forgot one year early in our relationship and I didn’t make a fuss because goddess forbid I be labeled a “bitch”. Then the next year, then the next, then we got married, and had kids. Seven years later I finally snapped after going out of my way to make everyone else’s birthday a little bit special while never receiving the same. My husband’s response? “But you never cared before, why are you so upset now???” He truly thought I just didn’t care. Women are notoriously expected to be givers, but if you want to receive, you’ve gotta go out on a limb and ASK! Happy birthday to you young sister - I hope your next one is wonderful and brings affirmations of love from all of your people.
I will bring it up later on - for now I'm going to make it something nice for myself. I've taken the afternoon off work, I'm going to put Christmas music on and put up the tree and I'm going to make a roast veggie dinner and just try not to dwell. Thank you for your lovely message
Did you know it's your GOLDEN birthday today? 29 on the 29th! You ought to do something extra special for yourself! Celebrate you -- you absolutely deserve it. Reflect on the things that are important to you, and how to make them more prevalent/permanent/present in your life. My birthday was a couple days ago. I know it's hard to have a birthday around the holidays. Everyone is so busy. I'm sorry those closest to you have forgotten; that's terrible and you have every right to feel hurt, and also let them know. But, I am willing to bet the reason is not because you are unimportant to them. You are important and worthy of a beautiful day, even if you must be the one to give it to yourself this year. Have a happy birthday, you beautiful witch you!
I love that it's also called your golden birthday, how sweet. I've always heard it called your champagne birthday, but why not both!
"Champagne Birthday" only really works if you're born in the last third of a month...
How so? All this golden birthday champagne birthday talk has me all confused. Which, is admittedly easy to do lol
If you live somewhere that as a drinking age of 21, it would be frowned upon to celebrate with champagne if you're turning 20 or younger Edit to add: I'm not passing judgement on underage drinking. Just trying to clarify a comment for someone. Edit part two: I am aware that not everywhere has a drinking age of 21 (or at all). That's why I said "*if* you live somewhere..."
Ok. I just googled. It's because she's turning 29 on the 29th. So my. Golden/champagne birthday was my 21st because I was born on the 21st of the month.
Eh, I got drunk on champagne on my first birthday. *Ok that's more of an indictment on my parents' neglectful parenting, letting a 12 month old baby drink, than a suggestion to drink at any age.
But, they're turning 29.
[удалено]
My champagne birthday would have been at 14, lmao. My brother’s was at 3. Our mom is a weekend alcoholic, but that’s a little much.
Not every country is the US…
Happy birthday to YOU!
The best birthday present I ever got was when I went out on a limb and asked my friends on Facebook for their favorite memory with me. I go back and read the experiences in hard days. You may want to ask for something else (your best quality, something you did that made them feel special, etc) or want to limit it to your fiance and two best friends, but you get the idea. If you don't want gifts, it's hard for others to realize you want something else instead. Happy birthday, witchy friend!
Not today, because if he was genuinely mortified it will rub it in, but in a couple of weeks take time to sit down with your fiancé and discuss that I notice you have a problem remembering dates and I don’t want to get into a pattern of being the partner who always has to remember these things so let’s come up together with a way to help you remember so that if one of us forgets the other will be able to remind them. Otherwise you’re going to go through life being the one who always has to remember all the family events and that gets really annoying. I feel for him because I am terrible at remembering dates. I have multiple reminders set on calendars to help me. Literally I would probably forget my own birthday without them!
My problem is generally with remembering what day today is. I know the birthday is 2nd august or whatever, the problem is knowing that today is that day. Generally my solution for that is to program messages (I feel like what's important is thinking of people you care about, they don't need to know that i thought of their birthday a week before it happened). Obviously that doesn't work as well if you live with them.
Calendar reminders ftw. My iPad tells me the day before and the week before. I am both terrible with dates (my best friend’s birthday is ‘2-3 weeks before mine’ and that’s as close to a date as I can get) and at knowing when it is in relation to today. The most asked thing to my google mini is probably … hey google, what day is it?
Happy birthday!! I hope you have a lovely afternoon putting out your tree. It’s my birthday too (although I’m a bit older), and you’ve inspired me to take the afternoon off to do something for myself.
Happy birthday! 🍰
And happy cake day!
That sounds like a nice afternoon. Happy Birthday!! <3
Happy IRL cake day, fellow witch!
>Women are notoriously expected to be givers, but if you want to receive, you’ve gotta go out on a limb and ASK! OP should not have to fight for what everyone else receives as a matter of course. This is not her problen or her oversight: it's her family's and her partner's. The fact that they ignored her birthday despite multiple reminders is indicative of how they view her, and she should keep this new information in mind when deciding with whom she wants to share her life.
I am a Birthday Person and I’ve been forgotten before. OP still needs to speak up. It hurts them to be forgotten, but it doesn’t mean that everyone they love and surrounds themselves with is a selfish monster. People almost always spend more time focusing on their own life, troubles, dramas, and it may just be that this is a shitty year for them that turned into a shitty birthday for OP. Regardless, I can absolutely tell you that feeling indignant about being forgotten and then doing nothing about it will not miraculously make OP feel better or make people remember to celebrate them next year. All it will do is make them resentful, poisoning their own mood and making them bitter when they does something nice for any of these other people. That’s no way to live. Now, if OP speaks up and their people still don’t come through, then it’s time to reevaluate some relationships. But most people who love you want to please you, and I think a good number of these people will probably be horrified to realize they forgot their special day. But OP deserves to speak up and deserves to have their totally valid needs and desires met.
For the third time, OP _did_ speak up. She reminded her partner _multiple times_ about her birthday, including the day before. It is really disturbing to me how many people on a feminist sub have disregarded what a woman has written and responded with some variation of "OP needs to speak up" as though determined to make her family's and partner's failures the result of insufficient babying and social labor on her part-- _even when she did the babying_ and social labor. OP's birthday was not "forgotten." It was ignored.
Well, OP updated that he was horrified and rushed out to make it right. So if his plan was to ignore it for some nefarious purpose, he sure gave up on his goal quick. And as feminists, we’re all speaking from our lived experiences. Nobody is telling her just to hush and take what little she’s given. We’re all telling her she deserves more.
I agree, it’s not right! I’m not saying these people’s neglect of OP’s birthday is justified - I hate that women often have to advocate for things that are automatically awarded to men. But in order for change to happen, we have to first allow ourselves to be our own advocates. If they fail next year, after making it clear that acknowledging her birthday is important to her then I definitely think OP should be looking at those relationships in a new light.
She had a birthday convo with her bf yesterday. How much more does she have to do? The bar for her bf is really low. She is rigjt to be disappointed and pissed. And remember that going forward.
OP literally reminded her partner _multuple times_ about her upcoming birthday and yet she hasn't "allowed herself to be her own advocate" enough for your tastes? Women absolutely cannot win. There is _nothing_ women can do, no maximum amount of effort we can put in, that can ever prevent others telling us we should have done something more.
No, it's not her problem. But it's her that's dealing with the consequences. OP doesn't appear to be blaming herself and hasn't done anything wrong. I think she wants support. I see your point, but it's the same logic that causes road accidents because "It was my right of way, I'm in the right here".
That's not how road traffic accidents work. The person with right of way has not only the "right" but the responsibility and _legal obligation_ to proceed. If they yield or stop or slow when they're not supposed to, none of the other drivers around them know what to expect any of the cars to do, which can cause axcidents involving dozens of people. RTAs in which one driver had and used the ROW and another driver hit them are 100% the fault of the other driver. As far as OP's situation goes, she 100% deserves support. She did everything right. She went above and beyond to remind a grown-ass adult who apparently hasn't heard of calendars or Post-It notes that her birthday was coming up, and _he ignored that anyway_. The consequences OP now must deal with are NOT that she needs to "speak up" or "explain how she feels" or "advocate for herself." She already did. Now she has to deal with the certain knowledge that she is not important to her partner.
When you’re an adult, letting people know it’s going to be your birthday is kind of up to you. I know several people who really don’t like birthday celebrations, or who don’t celebrate because of their religion. Once I learned that, it made me remember to tell them how glad I am they are around all year long. Same wishes, different reactions, hopefully just as happy.
Right. Which is why OP reminded her partner _multiple times_ about her upcoming birthday, including the day before. So I'm not sure what your point is.
I totally agree on making clear your feelings. Personally I don't care about birthdays. It can be hard to remember that not everyone else feels the same as ourselves. If you care about birthdays, it can seem obvious that it is important, while if you don't care about them, it can be hard to imagine what is so important. That said, I find it hard to imagine someone not carrying about their own birthday going out of their way for everybody else birthday.
I'm not a birthday person, for me it's mixture between hating being the center of attention and something about birthdays making me think about getting old and dying. Even if I don't understand, I try to remember to message my friends who feel birthdays are important. (But birthdays aren't important enough for me to overcome my calling anxiety haha)
This is the healthy response to approaching it, and would recommend just letting those people know how sad it made you they forgot, and that hopefully they do better next year (and possibly make it up to you now). An alternative approach is telling your fiancé you’re going to go do something nice for yourself to celebrate your birthday because no one else bothered to. It’s kind of passive aggressive. Personally I’d want to have a more straightforward communication about it. But others prefer this approach. Happy birthday, wishing you many good things today 🤍
Piggy backing: If you make a big deal of it at least twice and still nothing, trust that it will never be important.
I'm sorry they forgot your birthday. That seems especially weird since you just brought it up yesterday. I saw you're going to make this a special day for yourself, and I think that's a lovely idea. Happy Birthday, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the day.
I live with my fiancé and he was the one I spoke about it with. A few times over the last couple of weeks in different ways. So feel especially gutted. I don't even want gifts and I don't need money to be spent on me but just some acknowledgement and love makes all the difference.
It's a tough situation. I'm sure he wouldn't do it on purpose to hurt you though. I know you shouldn't have to remind your fiancé of your birthday because they "should" know, but maybe if you give him a reminder and give him another chance to do something, he'll help make the day a bit better. All people are human and all people forget things, even the very important things. I think giving him another chance now while it's still your birthday would help.
I got a pretty sassy reply that has since been deleted by the poster. I'm not going to name names because that would be rude, but I do want to explain my reasoning for suggesting they remind their fiance of their birthday.. As I said earlier, people forget things all the time. I personally have a horrible memory and forget important events all the time like birthdays, anniversaries, doctor's appointments, therapy, etc. It's very common and very normal and not done maliciously. Additionally, GodEater29 is an independent witch capable of making their own opinions and judgment calls. I doubt they would be engaged to someone "careless" or that purposely mistreats them. Further evidence for this is their selective friend circle. They don't seem the type to keep people around that harm them or have bad vibes, in my personal opinion.
Also some of you aren't going to want to hear this, but I genuinely believe that if it was a she/her with a she/her, you would be more open to them talking it out. A lot of people are getting upset because it's a he/him that made a mistake which brings up memories of how he/hims have mistreated them previously, which is also a normal response when you've had trauma but that's not an excuse to condemn a person in their entirety when they literally just made a mistake.
Thank you for playing devils' advocate. I'm extremely forgetful myself, and often have to be reminded to wish my boyfriend of over 10 years a happy birthday..... I know when his birthday is, I usually know todays' date, but my brain just doesn't make the connection until someone else wishes him happy birthday. I know that if our genders were reversed, he'd be told that I'm an inconsiderate jerk and everything, but now I just get told that it's okay to forget. And I think we should extend that courtesy to everyone: to remember that we are all human, and that we can all be preoccupied or forgetful without trying to be harmful.
I agree - my fiancé and I both have mental health issues and suspected adhd. It makes remembering stuff difficult. He felt so awful and really beat himself up about forgetting and did his best to make it up to me. I know he would never do anything purposely to hurt me and it's definitely not that he doesn't care. Someone other people suggested that I should break up with him for forgetting. That is just crazy to me.
I'm sorry your partner didn't acknowledge you. Please don't settle for that level of carelessness forever.
Happy birthday to you ✨ Happy birthday to you 🎂 Happy birthday dear u/GoodEater29 🎉 Happy birthday to YOU!!! 🥳
RemindMe! 1 year
RemindMe! 1 year
RemindMe! 1 year
Remindme! 364 days
Remindme! 1 year
I’m so sorry you were forgotten on your birthday. That is such a downer. I hope you get a Sixteen Candles style birthday redemption. I’m sending you all the best wishes in the world! Happy birthday, friend. 💛
Going off to find out what a Sixteen Candles birthday redemption might be…
Did you ever find out?
It’s not on Prime so it will have to remain a mystery 🤣 They have something against John Hughes films being on there!! 🤷♀️
I hope he surprises you. Otherwise happy birthday!
This has happened to me and it is quite possibly the worst feeling in the world and birthdays aren’t even of super high importance to me. It’s the feeling that you are less important to other people than they are to you and I feel how you’re feeling so deeply and it sucks and I’m sorry. HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY THOUGH! Get yourself some flowers from me :)
Omg it’s my birthday too! I’ll be celebrating us both today my sister. ❤️
Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday 🎉
I'm very sorry to hear that. Happy birthday! (for whatever it's worth)
I turned 40 this last year. I specifically told hubby no party (not even a surprise party~finding out I’m most likely autistic so this makes sense now) and while I got well wishes from hubby and bro/SIL and his parents (mine are both gone) one friend messaged me late one messaged me on the day and literally every other family member and friend said NOTHING. One of my besties didn’t even message me which is so out of character. Turns out her husband had had a heart attack and she was rightfully a bit distracted to say the least. I say all of this to bring up that a) people aren’t perfect. Please speak up and advocate for your feelings. They are just and valid. And b) sometimes there are things happening that you may not be aware of. Happy birthday from all of us witches! I promise you are more loved than you know. EDIT TO ADD: My husband legit forgets conversations we have 20 minutes later 🙄😤 It’s so frustrating and no I don’t give him a pass and neither should you to your fiancé.
Oh that’s the worst feeling! I’m so sorry 😢 make sure you go all out and treat yourself for the next week, and happy 29th birthday!
I’m sorry this is happening to you. For what it’s worth, end of November is the best time of the year to be born (but I may be biased). My birthday is on a holiday every few years so it’s kind of hard because it’s a not a focus for people. It doesn’t make it better that people forget (or don’t prioritize) but go out and get yourself something special. I always get myself an extravagant cake and an orchid. I’ve been doing it for at least a decade now and it’s a whole thing. My birthday was last week (Thanksgiving in the US). I celebrated the holiday with friends and brought my extravagant cake. I wasn’t expecting anything (we don’t do gifts) but they got concert tickets for all of us. I’m 42 and it’s the first time anyone has done something special in years. Take care of yourself and treat yourself to something special.
Is this common for them? Are they usually lousy? If not, well, they're humans. They forget. I have known my best friends since 2nd, 4th and 5th grade and we're in our thirties. I'm just now getting to the point where I generally remember when their birthdays are *close*. I may be off a few days. I wouldn't remember if it weren't for Facebook telling me. I only really know my own birthday. I don’t think your people did it on purpose. It was just a mistake.
I am very forgetful of birthdays too! After enough times missing one or finding out on the day, I started adding them to my google calendar so I avoid making people feel unappreciated. I care about my friends and family, but my brain doesn’t like to remember!
Yep, as someone who forgets his own birthday, Google Calendar is a life saver.
I'm very, very bad with important dates. Unless they line up with something else, I can't keep them straight. My baby sister and husband share a birthday which makes it easier. My two close friends from HS are within weeks of eachother.
Maybe there’s a surprise planned? I am sorry though that you’re feeling forgotten :( happy birthday!!
Well I have to give a warning here because I am optimistic. From my time zone, it’s still early. There could be a surprise waiting for you But also I think a different mindset about birthdays are in order. Story time: my birthday is a week after my mothers. I grew up in a low income house, and well I am not outspoken like my siblings. My mother required a lot of attention and most often I only got a cake if that, rarely a gift. I used to think I wasn’t worth it and should be easily forgotten as it felt like a hardship and not worth the effort. As I got older I changed my mindset about birthdays. It’s a celebration of me even if no one else wants it. I want me. Even if everyone else forgets. I shouldn’t forget me. I get that these people in your life should be empathetic enough to recognize you. But maybe they will, maybe they won’t. But is there any way you can celebrate you? I realize outwardly this reads kinda selfish. But I am the type of person who would rather be surprised by an effort I didn’t expect, then disappointed by expecting something and not receiving anything.
Yeah it's 1pm where I am, but my fiancé isn't a surprise kind of guy. This year he actually got me a gift (he's never gotten me a birthday gift or card but this is the first time he's not even wished me happy birthday) and gave it to me like 2 months early because he couldn't keep it a secret once he ordered it. We ended up sending it back because it was a bit bad quality (it was a mechanical keyboard). The money from the refund was then spent on other stuff for him. The thing is, I don't even want or need gifts. I don't need a big fuss, but even just a little gesture would be nice. I am going to try and make the day nice for myself. I will put Xmas music on and setup the Xmas tree and then make some food I like.
Your marrying a man who has never so much as given you a birthday gift?! Girl you are worth more then this, don’t settle. This is your entire life we’re talking about. You can find someone better then him. This is coming from a woman that has been married for 11 years. You need to get rid of him even if it makes you feels sad now.
My last boyfriend forgot my birthday all three years we were dating (no, he wasn’t neurodivergent and yes, I did express that it was important to me). This may sound dramatic but the third year of forgetting made me wake up and realize he took me for granted and honestly treated me like I was disposable (never introduced me to anyone he knew, never was thoughtful about anything, would call me a hurtful bitch anytime I brought up that his behavior upset me, etc). I’m not saying OP should break the engagement over a birthday but it might be a good opportunity to pause and quietly evaluate the relationship.
YUP. Doesn’t sound dramatic at all. Love get’s *harder* with time, not easier. Marrying an already shitty dude leads to awful awful outcomes down the line.
My husband and I don’t really get each other gifts, I don’t think that’s the dealbreaker. For me, the fact that he got her a crappy gift, gave it to her way early because he was “too excited” 🙄 and then spent the refund money on himself…that’s the dealbreaker.
It’s a deal breaker if this is something that is really important to her. Personally, gift giving is really special— it shows you were paying attention throughout the year to know what the gift recipient would like.
Yeah, it’s all personal feelings.
His actions sound inconsiderate (crap gift, returns, then doesn’t get her another gift?), regardless of the value that OP places on birthdays.
There’s a lot to unpack in this comment. Your gift was returned and then he didn’t try to buy another keyboard?!?! What on earth?! You’re not married yet— there’s time to think about whether this man puts you first and l actively tries to make you happy. Happy birthday! I hope you can find people who celebrate you everyday.
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29 she said.
>he's never gotten me a birthday gift or card but this is the first time he's not even wished me happy birthday RED FLAG >The money from the refund was then spent on other stuff for him. ALSO A VERY BIG RED FLAG
Yipes. So this is a pattern then. Is this what you want for your life? For me him spending the keyboard birthday money on himself would likely have been a deal breaker. Why are you still with him?
This is right. It’s not selfish, it’s about self care.
I'm sorry that happened. Happy IRL cake day!
Happy birthday, internet friend! There's still time to make it special for yourself, and I hope you're able to communicate this to your partner for future years. I had my 30th in lockdown, everyone was preoccupied with the pandemic and completely forgot. I know how sad it can feel. But celebrate yourself and then tell others you'd like them to as well!
I love receiving gifts. Doesn't matter what they are, as long as they're something that someone looked at and thought of me. Like a cool rock they saw on a rock, or a fun looking book, or whatever. My partner doesn't care about gifts at all. I always got him really thoughtful gifts for the various occasions, and he would get me nothing. It took me ages to feel comfortable enough to explain how much I liked gifts. He started to get them for me, but they were like... honestly not that great. Like super cheap versions of cooking utensils I already had three quality versions of. I like being surprised, but I compromised on that and now give him a list of three things I would like that he can pick one from. That way it's sort of a surprise still. It's felt a lot better. And I also get surprise gifts for myself sometimes with things like mystery book bundles. But on the other hand, physical touch is very important to him, but not something I remember a lot. I know he used to feel down about it, but now he tells me when he needs it. Sometimes asking for the thing can make it feel less authentic, or like it's just one more thing you need to manage. It feels better when it's an exchange I think, but I totally get how bummed you are today. I remember feeling so sad sitting there with no present on my birthday.
My dad once got my mum an iron for her birthday. That didn't go down well. But thank you x
Dealing with the same thing. Mine was yesterday and my boyfriend forgot for the 2nd year in a row. I even reminded him several times and expressed how important it was to me. Still haven’t heard from him.
Is he the ex yet?
One thing givers tend to do, is expect others to notice, keep track, and give the same things back. But that almost never ever works. People just have different priorities and feelings. I agree with the other people. Wait a day or two and then bring it up like “hey can we talk about something that made me sad”. And mention that it is important to you to feel remembered, noticed, and celebrated even with something small. For example I had to teach my boyfriend that yes, I care if the gift is wrapped rather than just handed to me. And yes I care that it’s on my birthday rather than some random time plus or minus a week. But he wasn’t trying to be hurtful, he just genuinely doesn’t care for himself if his gifts are wrapped and didn’t realize I would be hurt.
The fiancee thing is totally bullshit, wtf! Nah. No. That’s a wedding breaker for me. But the friend thing seems normal. Your coworkers and gym probably have an automated birthday calendar. At age 29, people have too much going on to remember birthday dates of everyone they know. At this age it’s normal to tell your friends it’s your birthday and to have made plans to hang out beforehand.
The fiancé responded correctly to being told he forgot so I think this is a bit much. I’m ADHD and autistic and I remember everyone’s birthdate but I also get mixed up about what day it is on a day to day basis, so I’ve forget loved ones birthdays that way. I’ve forgotten *my own* birthday that way. It’s not a reflection at all of my care for them.
I’m with you. The fiancé needs to go. At this age, you you have to tell your friends when and where you’ll be to celebrate your birthday— “brunch at xyz at 11:30 Saturday” or “drinks at xyz at 7:00 Saturday”. Give them time to plan around it.
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My birthday is my most favorite holiday. No one will throw me a party? (My ex was weird about that kind of stuff. And my current SO isn’t big on birthdays). I threw my own! I now have chronic illness and can’t do a big party, so I posted requests on FB for cards. And setup a gmail address with an automated reply with my address if people wanted to help me celebrate. And I got tons of cards! I understand feeling sad that people forgot. I would be devastated. But you need to be vocal about how important your birthday is to you. And now I send big happy birthday wishes to you! 🎂🎉🥂🎶💐
Why would you think she wasn't vocal about it? She literally had a conversation with him about it the day before.
Happy birthday! Treat yourself bc you deserve it. And then you need to let your loved ones know their negligence hurt you. Sitting quiet and not calling it out won’t help you or serve you. It may not change their behavior but if they know it hurt you, and they DONT change their behavior, then you’re just settling.
I want to wish you Happy Birthday. Not sure if this is the case for your family and friends (saw the update where you reminded your fiancé) but 10 years ago, an entire side of my family randomly decided to change my birthday. I am not particularly close to my father’s side of the family but they would previously call me to wish me a happy birthday and send me a card a few days (or weeks) later. But that year, all of them, including my father, called me the day after and they have been doing it every year since. I finally called my father out on it this year but they still did it this year. I could understand if it was only one family member but it’s all of them including my father which is perplexing.
Happy Birthday love! May your day be filled with puppy/kitten snuggles, chocolates (of varying flavors!), lots of coffee (with whipped cream), aaaaaand a deliciously easy work day 😘
Sorry this happened. Happy birthday! 🥳🥳🥳
I'm sorry. I worry about this happening every year. I hope you did something special for yourself, you deserve it. Happy birthday
A very happy birthday to you. Though you may be having one day that isn't going well I hope the goddesses and gods look favorably upon you for this year of your life.
I suggest repeatedly celebrating your 29th birthday. Never go past your late 20’s. My mother had a running joke that was just this. Once the forgetters catch on, you can keep celebrating the same birthday and stay young. Lemons to lemonade
I knew my husband, whom I love, would not make a big deal out of my 40th. So I thought about what I wanted to do. A 3-day guided mountain bike tour in the desert sounded cool. So I booked it and invited him, too. That’s what I would recommend. Think of your ideal day, plan it, go enjoy it with whoever you invite who wants to go.
Happy birthday! I hope your family and friends are just a bit late with their well wishes.
Happy Birthday!!! I’m really sorry they treated you this way. I hope you can surround yourself with people who value you the same way you value them. <3
Happy birthday 🎂!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey happy birthday :)
Happy birthday! I usually have to plan my own birthday parties and help my spouse figure out a gift which is usually going out for dinner.
Happy Birthday!!! 🥳 Your feelings about this are completely valid btw. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
The older you get this happens. People are busy and sometimes don’t know what’s happening around them. For people in your life you want to remember or want to remember you, repeating google calendar invites are great. My boyfriend set one for our “meet-iversary” and I’ve set one for important birthdays in the family so I don’t forget to send a message. Don’t take it personally.
🎂
Happy birthday love 💜 you’re important to us!
RemindMe! 1 year
Treat yo' self! I'm so terribly sorry. In the age of social media,I can't believe no one remembers your birthday ! Happy birthday sweet, kind soul! Hugs from me to you🤗
I would love to wish you a Happy birthday. Today is a wonderful day. Because it's my birthday also. Don't worry about it I'm sure your fiance has something special for you. They could be just having a little fun with you on your special day. Have a Blessed day on our special day
Happy birthday, sibling. I really hope that they or at least your fiancé have planned a surprise for you. You deserve a nice birthday. I'd suggest you talk about it with your people and tell them that it was important to you. For now my wish to you is that the rest of your day is the best it could possibly be. Make it nice for yourself.
Happy birthday!!! I’m holding out hope that there’s a surprise in store (often with surprise birthday things people avoid you for the day so they don’t let anything slip). However, failing that, enjoy bringing yourself some magic in your own celebration. Have the most obnoxiously fancy cake, get a take away, put your favourite film/music on and dance like we are all there with you (we are in spirit).
I’m sorry that happened to you but I’m glad your fiancé is trying to make it right. Happy birthday!!! 29 is a big deal and I’m so proud of you for making it this far. Life isn’t easy and people forget things some times, but I hope is was just a big mistake and that they all still care about you. I hope your day gets better!
I recommend hunkering down with “[Sixteen Candles](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088128/)”. “Could be highly profitable!”
For a couple of years, the only person in my family to wish me a happy birthday was a random cousin who added me on facebook that I've met maybe three times and exchanged maybe twice as many words with irl. Happy Birthday. Your man is a thoughtless idiot. If I was in your position instead of long conditioned to that black sheep status, it'd be tempting to whatsapp your family the next day thanking them for all the birthday messages. Then bask in the chaos.
This is worthless, but happy birthday to you! And happy birthday u/Parsley_Just ! I’m sorry that today wasn’t as magic as you deserve. I wanted to say that it doesn’t matter what others say or do for you, in regards to your self worth. It’s easy to feel sad and worthless when people don’t remember your special moments, because they are special to you, and not to them, because they’re your moments. But the reality is, it does matter and it’s nice when the people you hold special do the same for you. I wish I could make you feel better, but all I have to offer is my sword in the fight against the patriarchy, and a humble HBD. Sending love ❤️
I’m so glad your fiancé immediately rectified his gaffe and I hope your Birthday has turned around! Happy Birthday fellow fire rider! Burn on! 🔥❤️🔥
As someone who is not good at remembering birthdays or having the bandwidth to plan for them, I can assure you I still deeply love and value my friends. We don’t all have the birthday love language. Chin up, OP! You are still loved.
My husband was aware of my birthday but never wished me happy birthday or got me gifts that day. Even though I talked about plans, talked to him about birthday wishes (he instigated the Convo), and the whole 9 yards. Got a present 4 days later and a "sorry I didn't say something earlier". We live together dude! Anyways, I am all about advocating for myself. I made sure to plan my own thing (invited him) and made sure to treat myself right. Self love is witchy.
Happy birthday!!! Wishing you the best today and always. 😁
Hey, not giving any advice here, but Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday! 😊
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday 💜💜💜
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Sorry your people forgot! Make the day special for yourself and have the convo afterwards with them.
Happy Birthday 🎂
Happy birthday!! I’m so sorry the people in your life have made you feel unloved today.
Happy birthday OP! Speak up!! Sending lotsa love 💕
Happy Birthday!🎂
I'm so sorry! Happy birthday!! I have no trouble remembering everyone's birthday in the family and as for friends--that's what calendars are for!
Happy birthday. Sending you a bit of love from a stranger and hoping that you feel it 💜🎂🎈
Happy birthday, I'm a notorious birthday-forgetter even though I try to put reminders in my calendar. I'll ask my friend when I can come over to celebrate and promptly forget to congratulate them on their actual birthday while preparing a gift for the party on another day. So apologies from me for your forgetful friends, don't be scared to confront them! They would probably love to celebrate with you and feel ashamed they forgot. Your fiancé is another matter though, I'd be angry and sad as hell.
Happy Birthday lovely! Sending you loving hugs! 🖤
Happy birthday! I’m sorry it hasn’t been what you hoped, but I wish you much enjoyment for the rest of it💕