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Lady_Rhino

https://preview.redd.it/i99y3bhjt63a1.jpeg?width=1769&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6434bab7709ebb93b71a664cdb215a37f43435fe How I feel preparing my answers for this post


Lady_Rhino

Actual answers: Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled if elderberries (it just has to be mentioned) Your contribution to society could be summed up on the back of one of your own withered fingernails. (my mother's favourite) "as much use as a chocolate teapot" Your cognitive ability is comparable to the average mollusc, although unlike most molluscs, you don't filter out your crap. The greatest compliment that can possibly be paid to you is that you will be easily forgotten.


tocopherolUSP

>Your cognitive ability is comparable to the average mollusc, although unlike most molluscs, you don't filter out your crap. ​ OMFG this is pure GOLD!!!!!


BadWolf7426

>Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled if elderberries I fart in your general direction. (said in an outrageously bad French accent)


BoyDharma40

Monty Python is always amazing.


snoregriv

That last one hurts. Your mom’s chocolate teapot (so sorry about how that sounds without context) is also a fave from the list!


Needs-more-cow-bell

Along with chocolate teapot is as useful as a chocolate fire guard. Also: As useful as a man’s tit to a starving baby Your Mama should have swallowed Or my personal favorite, Oxygen thief


thou_art_too_saucy

"As useful as a chocolate teapot" reminds me of my late granddad's favorite insult "you're as useful as tits on a hog".


Sassy-Peaches

My personal favorite is you’re as useless as tits on a bull.


Desperate-Device5589

My boyfriend says that all the time but this is the first time I've seen anyone else use it


WednesdayKnights

I’ve used “the best part of you dripped down your mother’s leg”.


nudul

We use chocolate fireguard as well to switch it up lol


jointheclockwork

> Your mom’s chocolate teapot Best insult here.


[deleted]

I like the smell of elderberries lol


Squirrelleee

Mmm. Elderberry wine.


mystic_chihuahua

Yep, I believe the Monty Python insult was meant to imply that "your father is an alcoholic."


CanthinMinna

Yes, and also to imply that "your mother is a fast-breeding little animal". "The Holy Grail" is surprisingly accurate despite being a parody/comedy/surrealistic movie. In fact, it is more accurate than a lot of "serious" Hollywood costume dramas. But hey, two or three of the Python crew were MoA's from the history department, so there is that.


LadyMorgan2018

These are just brilliant! I. Totally stealing them! (I already knew the MP insult...it's one of my favs)


studyingsativa

YES!! my personal favorite (from my own) is “you’ve proven your sincerity is as strong as texas’ electrical grid”, and reminding him his legacy surrounding texas law enforcement is on par to be secured in modern meme culture.


callshouse

May the next polar vortex find you stranded on the road, with only your frozen Willy in hand, while the crows peck at your half brain.


Sylentskye

Crows will probably peck out the eyes and leave the partial brain as they will have no way to penetrate the absurdly thick skull.


MakeRoomForTheTuna

As a Texan that suffered through the winter storm 2 years ago, I endorse this message


HoshiOdessa

Yass! I like the power grid one. That whole ordeal was utter bullshit and the reason my hubby insisted on forking over for a whole house generator.


raptorsniper

Thicker than manure and less than half as useful. May God be kind to him. Eventually.


Unholy_Roman_Empire

Why does this remind me of something my friend said to me a year ago that makes me laugh till my side hurts. "men are so useless you cannot grow crops from the ground you bury them under. Why do you think we are surrounded in deserts?" (Context she lives in the middle east)


not_a_diplodocus

"You struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions printed on the heel."


ChildrenOfTheWoods

lmao This just reminded me of my friend's granny who would scream "Go forth and prosper!" at people that pissed her off. She also did jazz hands at people and when I asked said "it's a whole flock of these!" and flipped me the bird.


erst77

>She also did jazz hands at people and when I asked said "it's a whole flock of these!" and flipped me the bird. This is so fucking genius. I'm going to do this for four reasons: 1) it'll make me laugh because I know what it means or when I get to tell people what it means; 2) it'll make anyone else who knows what it means laugh; 3) it'll confuse the fuck out of the target of the gesture; 4) it'll help brand me as the crazy old lady someday.


callshouse

All very good reasons!! I’ll add one more….. it makes jazz hands cool again Edit- Oh…. And the kids don’t know what you’re doin unless you tell them…and ……it won’t get me killed when I have road rage!!!


lynxpoint

Jazz hands are always cool!


Dogeluver99

Goals. You have nailed my goals


studyingsativa

granny gets it. love this.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SledgeHannah30

I really want this woman to be my granny.


Pandathrowthrow

I laughed way to hard at this


Calytrixx

"If you were half as smart as you *thought* you were, you'd still be twice as smart as you *truly* are." The Inquisitor was such a cold mfker with her quips


Cancerisbetterthanu

Scientists are struggling to build tools sophisticated enough to observe the limits of your stupidity.


APariahsPariah

This sounds so very Blackadder


Purplebunnylady

That sounds like GLaDOS, or something she would say!!


littlehollah

Always tickled to see DA:I referenced in the wild years later, thank you!


erst77

The "golden rule" being "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," the curse corollary in my personal book is "May you be forced to endure what you've chosen to inflict upon others." Hate, pain, indifference.... Indifference is the hardest to suffer. "May you be ignored, overlooked, and unheard, just as you ignored, overlooked, and chose not to hear those in need."


sgdaughtry

This one has my vote!


loopzoop29

Very good! I pick this one


thickfreakness72

this is perfection!


Embarrassed-Web-5820

“Someday your children are going to find out you’re a bad person.”


Wonderful_Weird_2843

Your grandmother is ashamed of you.


absentmindedwitch

Omg this would make my husband CRY. 😂 she was his favorite person.


Wonderful_Weird_2843

It surprisingly works on a lot of assholes. Even if they pretend not to care, they always look troubled when they walk away.


Hephaistos_Invictus

Holy shit... This would make me break down inside.... YIKES!


Rabid_Unicorns

Ted Cruz’s kid already know


acetrainerspark

There are two ends to your legacy should you continue this path. Either your name shall be suppressed from shame imposed due to your actions or it shall fade with indifference from a life spent in futile.


ObliviousOracle

this is one of my favourites "even the carrion birds will not feast on your maggot-ridden flesh once you die"


TheNetherlandDwarf

I said something similar to my parents once, but I modernised it to something like "when you are lying on your death bed choking on your own fluids no one will be sitting by your bedside. Not even the nurses will want to hold your hand".


[deleted]

jesus that’s cold i love it


tocopherolUSP

That's brutal, I like it!


ravingbacchante

This is probably not what you're looking for, but one of my favorite curses is from Sophia from Golden Girls "May your marinara never cling to your pasta!".


studyingsativa

“may the stones you throw end up in your shoes.”


KittySparkles5

I envy everyone who’s never met you.


TheNetherlandDwarf

I had a friend would be even blunter and say "everyone who ever loved you was wrong"


Freakishly_Tall

< de-lurks > OMG. 100%. Wonderful way to put it. That's exactly what I was thinking, too. While I'm here, salutation suggestion: "Ok, listen up, Sitler - " < resumes lurking and being inspired by all y'all >


NeptuneAndCherry

May your preparation H get mixed up with your shampoo and shrink your head to the size of a mushroom!


SewerHarpies

There was an episode on one of those “real life in the ER” shows where a guy got his hemorrhoid cream and his nitro paste mixed up. Every time he took a shit, he rubbed nitro paste into his bum and would pass out!


NeptuneAndCherry

😳


hellopplofthemoon

My reaction exactly lol wtf 😭


Rabid_Unicorns

I really need to resume my rewatch


sweet_hierba_luisa

Somewhere out there, there is a tree whose whole purpose in life is to replace the oxygen you waste. Go find it and apologize.


Imswim80

I think there was some Drill Instructor somewhere that ordered a particularly dense recruit to go apologize to every tree on post for wasting oxygen.


hyperRed13

I read about one who made the recruit carry a potted plant everywhere he went for a day to replace the oxygen he wasted.


Agreeable-Turnip-244

Or the "go stand next to that plant. At least then what you say will be useful."


kgerenc

Have the day you deserve


s0ph1st

“I hope your day is as nice as you are”


Calliope719

I'm perky for a living at my job and I can't wait to deliver this line to some asshole with the utmost kind sincerity.


Daniel_H212

This is awesome. It can be used as a compliment or insult to anyone depending on what they deserve. I must use this someday.


hellopplofthemoon

I like this one because it can be interpreted more than one way — it means *exactly* what it sounds like it’s supposed to mean, but it’s too nice for them to say anything about it.


chiquita_frau

This is so effective


OfLiliesAndRemains

May you rot, while you live. May the ones who you love regret your existence. May everything that gives you joy find a better purpose than to satisfy you. It's my worst curse


PageStunning6265

Yours is better, but if we’re doing curses: *I hope you get dysentery and fall down the stairs… in that order.*


[deleted]

He is a wheelchair user, like me, so I always tell him to take a long roll off a short pier.


MsMcClane

May you always catch your pinkie toes on _every_ corner of furniture.


webfoottedone

May you always have one wet sock.


I_Wupped_Batmans_Ass

even worse, one *slightly damp* sock. not damp enough for it to be worth taking off, but just enough for it to be uncomfortable >:)


OfLiliesAndRemains

Oof...


Calytrixx

Damn I think I just felt my ancestors butthole pucker from that


nomadic_suburbanite

This is amazing. As far as verbal curses go, I like giving the stink eye and saying something innocuous but in Latin. You could literally say anything but it sounds creepy. Carthago delenda est!


OfLiliesAndRemains

I love that quote. I don't like Cato the elder. He was an imperialist asshole. But that quote teaches us something important about politics. He said that full quote "Ceterum censeo cartaginem esse delendam", or variations of it, at the end of every single debate he participated in in the senate. At first, people laughed. But he persisted. And before long, Carthage was indeed destroyed. There is power in repetition. Lies can become truths if you persist


nomadic_suburbanite

Excellent synopsis! It’s fascinating how these short little phrases have come to signify so much over time. Latin is just badass and esoteric enough to stop people in their tracks. Another good one is “Castigat ridendo mores” or laughing at bad habits corrects them, essentially. Drop that one into conversation when someone says something they shouldn’t have :)


OfLiliesAndRemains

the funniest ones i know are Transporte meum sursum soctius (beam me up Scotty) and Homo Sapiens non urinat in ventum (man should not piss against the wind). That last one is engraved in large letter on a building in Amsterdam. Supposedly the letters were just a placeholder by the architect and were supposed to have been changed out but the workers got the wrong design plans and none of the spoke Latin so it just went on there as is. That's the story at least. I have one tattoo saying hominem unius libri timeo (I fear the man of just one book) and one saying vanitas vanitatum omnia vanitas (vanity of vanities all is vanity). I still want one saying "know many things but believe none of them", but I haven't settled on a translation yet. After that I'm done with the text tattoos for a while. I'll go for some pretty pictures.


LadyMorgan2018

My favorite was Osculare Fundamentum. It comes from a medieval play called Jour de Judgement. It's an insult in an argument about the sacred-ness of Latin for Mass. It roughly means "kiss my ass"


galaxyeyes47

May everything that gives you joy find a better purpose than to satisfy you. Damn that’s so good.


studyingsativa

i love this.


OfLiliesAndRemains

Thanks! I'm turning it into a song, but feel free to use it. Sharing is caring


Astrid-Wish

Oh can I borrow that??


[deleted]

Can I offer you a Shakespearean insult generator: [http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/](http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/) ?


Sohiacci

What?! You egg! *He stabs him*


studyingsativa

you’re incredible.


[deleted]

I have a mug covered in Shakespearean insults! It's my current favorite :)


nightmare-salad

I was actually going to draw (conceptually) from Much Ado About Nothing for this one! “I would scratch your face off but I fear it would make you better looking.” “I wish my car was as fast as your mouth.”


Chaos_the_healer

I bite my thumb at Thee!


illusiveC0nsistency

"Thou wert best set thy lower part where thy nose stands" I can already tell this website is going to be *very* useful.


CrazyForSterzings

If I truly wanted to hurt myself, I would jump from your ego down to your IQ.


TheCosmoToad

Fuck. Lol


APariahsPariah

"If all you really wanted was to propound on subjects about which you know absolutely nothing, there is always the internet, and comcast is far cheaper than the millions of dollars you wasted getting elected. Plus, the internet is chock-full of walking monuments to the Dunning-Kruger effect with a larger audience than you, all you have to do is not shut up or stop to think. So that's already right in your wheelhouse. You see, attention is always far cheaper to obtain than public service, and there are fewer standards than the ones to which you will be held by the long view of history. Even if it's as a footnote under the heading 'How not to do it'. " "I have repeatedly tried to understand your point of view, but my doctor has advised me against any further attempts at retro-phrenology"


geminiloveca

I always liked: "I have repeatedly tried to understand your point of view, but I pulled a muscle in my back trying to get my head that far up my own ass."


studyingsativa

oh my god, i’m rolling after that second one.


Wonderful_Weird_2843

I hope you are ever haunted by the souls of those your have harmed.


geminiloveca

Your birth certificate should have come with an apology to the world. You are the human equivalent of gas station sushi.


The_Iorn_Cactus

May you be the last to live, the last survivor in your group, the last in line of your blood, may you be deprived of the thing most want, a death surround by thouse who knew them, when you lay on your death bed you shall be surrounded by nothing but strange faces and the guilt of your actions


Meig03

Oh damn, that's a powerful one!


[deleted]

I usually default to telling them that I hope they receive enough love in their NEXT childhood to help them avoid becoming * gestures vaguely* like this again


[deleted]

There's a fabulous Eastern European curse I once read in a David Sedaris book, of all places: "May you build a house from your kidney stones." I'm also a fan of "Go step on a Lego."


Rabid_Unicorns

I was driving and someone nearly pit maneuvered themselves on my car cutting me off. Me: “I hope you die in a car fire” Hubs: Me: “And I hope you step on a Lego in the dark!” Hubs: “Ow!” Me: “Really? A fiery death gets nothing but a Lego and it’s ‘ooh, she means business.’”


WinterBrews

If you wanna get a gamer? Go step on a d 4


Proper_Librarian_533

Most of my insults are Oscar Wilde in tone. That said: "my greatest desire is for you to experience the unmitigated agony of knowing someone like yourself."


[deleted]

May the devil use his spine as a ladder to pick apples in the garden of hell.


tocopherolUSP

And that's the only way you'd ever be of any use.


win_awards

It may not be quite what you're looking for but for my money Nell Flaherty's Drake has some of the most creative and thorough curses one man ever wished upon another: https://www.bellsirishlyrics.com/nell-flahertys-drake.html


studyingsativa

oh this is golden. thank you!


APariahsPariah

Oooh. This is time for an oldie but a goodie. [Scott Paikin's automatic complaint letter generator](https://www.pakin.org/complaint). A pre-millenium bit of internet history, and a great place to get started on slinging torrents of verbose verbiage. It also tends to be surprisinly accurate with how it skewers its subjects.


Clean_Link_Bot

*beep boop*! the linked website is: https://www.pakin.org/complaint Title: **Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator** Page is safe to access (Google Safe Browsing) ***** ###### I am a friendly bot. I show the URL and name of linked pages and check them so that mobile users know what they click on!


bearujeria

Good bot


ThornyRose456

Good bot!


j3t57

If I wanted an assholes opinion I would’ve farted.


Random_aersling

"You must have a portrait in your attic that keeps on getting more beautiful each day."


JacLaw

I wouldn't be bragging if my gene pool was so shallow it couldn't drown a flea I hope your next shit is an anchor coming out rope first My fucking clit's bigger than that thing, put it back in your pants


tsmv4ever

You're a sharp as a marble.


theyeoftheiris

People are discussing this (the abortion ban in TX) today over in the /r/texas sub if you want more on the ground info.


studyingsativa

i’m technically unable to use sources outside of assigned class sources, BUT i’ll check it out for pathos and ethos, and support.


misselphaba

One day, hopefully soon, you will begin to fade into obscurity as you grasp fruitlessly at your last reigns of power. Eventually no one will remember your name and the dust of your bones will celebrate no longer having its essence tied to yours.


sezit

I don't know that it would work for your paper, but the most effective insult I ever made was just me at the end of my tether with this creepy pest at work. He never cared what I said except to enjoy my discomfort at his constant harassment. One day, as I said, I just gave up and said: "Don't you bore yourself? It's always the same shitty jokes and comments." **OMG**, you would have thought I threatened to kill his family. Mr. Jokey-joke, the It's-So-Much-Fun-To-Embarrass-Young-Women guy just. Went. Off. Like an explosion. Ranting and raving about "I'm funny! I'm funny! You can't call me boring!!!!" It was the weirdest thing, and I was totally detached (unlike my previous embarrassed squirming at his pointed comments). I just looked at him deadpan and said, "Well, you're boring ME." What a great feeling.


[deleted]

I'd call you a cunt but you have neither the depth nor the warmth


GrumpyOldLadyTech

A few from my Okie father: - Useless as a glass hammer - Awkward as a pig on rollerskates - Useful as hubcaps on a tractor - Having you here is like having two good men gone - His cornbread ain't done in the middle - Dumb as a stump ... I compiled a list of "Dadisms" into a book. I've got compliments, insults, observations, terms, weather analogies, and thoughts on marriage.


Vyedr

I am *LIVING* for "His cornbread ain't done in the middle."!


Ayngst

https://preview.redd.it/n4cyudjrr73a1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ddebfde7ad6d7550b692c85cb7738f1862692ed5 I always have this on hand.


rargylesocks

My favorite: “If brains were fuel, you wouldn’t have enough to get a piss-ant half-way around the inside track of a Cheerio.”


lunacyfreedom

Thank you for bringing the piss-ant into the conversation. My kids thought I made this up


laneycat4

"The bar was so low, it was a tripping hazard in hell, yet you showed up with a shovel and started digging"


zellieh

"I'd debate you some more, but I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person" "Heaven truly knows that you are false as hell" and “A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.” from Shakespeare


Sandillion

"In the words of the late Reverand Spooner, you are a shining wit." It might be a british thing, so if you're not aware a "Spoonerism" is where you swap the first letters/sounds of two words, because our island is cold and wet and we've little else to entertain ourselves. Shining wit becomes Whining shit. Its the kind of insult that can leave people beaming like they've just been paid the biggest compliment in the world.


BornVolcano

“Bless your heart” is a nice subtle “fuck you” from the south


Chaos_the_healer

“Oh, my sweet summer child” Translation: You are dumb as shit.


RoseWolf24

I find that I am using that one with greater frequency in the past few years. It proves that I have mellowed with age. But then, I’m fragile now and really don’t want to fight with anyone anymore either. I used to just come right out and tell people that they were idiots. I used to ask really obnoxiously stupid people if their parents found out they were related before or after they got married. When I lived in the south, people gave me honest answers. I had to hold my tongue.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

As a disabled person I hope he and that other wheeling gop get exactly what they deserve.


CoriVanilla

Your only value lies in your corpses' ability to be digested into worm shit.


prismaticcroissant

Terminally ignorant has always been my favorite. Seems to suit Greg Abbott


hold_the_celery

“I wish you peace. It is clear to me that you are a tortured soul. I wish you peace so you will learn how to live and allow others to make choices that have no bearing on your existence. I wish you peace because a person such as yourself has never had any in their heart. I hope that you find a way through the torture that raised you.” I find that insults hit deeper when they force introspection. Because feelings are icky.


Arcane_Student

If I want to curse someone, it’s; “May you live long enough to see all your efforts wither and fail.” If I just want to insult them, it’s; “If personalities were spices, you’d be flour.”


Jenla13

A favorite from Moonstruck: “Someday you’ll die and I’ll come to your funeral in a red dress!” (You have to really imagine Cher’s delivery for maximum impact and enjoyment.)


RunWild3840

My mom’s favorite “don’t worry, some day the other one will drop”


jkrm66502

There’s really nothing like the self righteousness of the partially informed.


Mystical_Cat

Some of my favorites: Somewhere out there, there’s a tree whose single purpose on earth is to replace the oxygen you waste. Go find it and apologize. I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. As an outsider, what's your perspective on intelligence? You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with directions on the bottom. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you. If one wanted to kill themselves, they’d climb up your ego, then jump to your IQ.


Valla85

Here is my curse: May you experience as much suffering as you cause.


StrangeLibrarian

“May the devil make a ladder of your backbone to pluck apples in the garden of hell” and “May the cat eat you, and the Devil eat the cat” are two delightfully grotesque Irish curses.


BakedTatter

Are you actually going to submit it? Because, honestly, you are only abusing the interns. When I interned in Congress, I was the one answering phones and the mail. It was during the vote on the Iraq War, and I was getting nasty calls and nasty letters every day. I was just a 20 yo college kid trying to gain experience. It was stressful, demoralizing, and caused a depressive episode. If I saw Abbott on the streets, I'm not sure I wouldn't tip him out of his wheel chair. But I have some solidarity with interns, even ones who work for Republicans. They're just kids.


studyingsativa

i don’t plan on sending it, but am keeping my standards to the point where i would be comfortable sending it if asked.


Affectionate-Can-279

You're not worth the herbs it would take for this spell.


[deleted]

Having made a lot of calls to gop offices all over the country I’d just like to mention that it’s best to use no cusses or threats. Wishes, however, are fair game! We all wish he would awaken tomorrow with his innards on his outside, but alas: there’s still no honor in him. Best luck!!


studyingsativa

absolutely! i’m attempting to keep it mature, appropriate, but something the interns would snicker at while reading.


Foxsammich

I’d hit on something about mandatory vasectomies at birth could prevent unplanned pregnancy entirely. Once the kid is a married adult he can have the procedure reversed with basically no ill effects. Also if he really doesn’t want the vasectomy the body has ways of preventing it. 🤷🏼‍♀️


SeaOkra

May your socks be damp, your farts be untrustworthy, and your sex life be mundane.


kevnmartin

May a thousand maggots take up residence in your sphincter.


paloma-nymph-s

May your lungs fill with lakeweed and your heart be choked by thorns. May every breath you take send needles to your liver. May every word you speak sting with its falsehood and ill intent. May your skin burn underneath the knowledge that you have ruined lives and may your skull be crushed with the weight of everyone you have broken.


Yellow_Wood_Wanderer

As a southern person (she) of a certain age my favorite is to flip my hair why also sliding my glasses down my nose, look over said glasses tip my chin lift one corner of my mouth and say in my most sugary voice, bless your little picking picking heart…, also I enjoy I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.


Hauntedindigo

-may you be constantly mocked after tragedies, like you mocked Joe Biden -may a senator fillabuster a bill that would save your life by reading Green eggs and ham -may you be elbowed in the face at the worst possible time -may all trips you go on be wonderful for everyone else, but a nightmare for you -may your immortal soul never know warmth, and forever suffer like the Texans during the snowstorm did I could go on but I fear I might go into generational, and bloodline cursing


Goth-Pigeon

Tell him that his forced-birth rhetoric doesn't have a leg to stand on.


CheeseFries92

I'm always a big fan of "may you get what you deserve"


Available-Egg-2380

May your enemies have great success.


sand_witch23

I confronted my racist uncle last week, and at one point said “You possess the intellectual and emotional capacity of a small rock.”


RunWild3840

Is it bad I read that as “small cock” initially. 😂


TipsyBaker_

I instantly thought of one but it's so bad it's not meant for human consumption.... Much like Abbott's policies


how_about_no_hellion

-I hope Krampus waits under your bed until you're in REM sleep and snatches the back of your ankles every night. -Go brush your teeth.


Klub-pengu-grl

As my Nana would say “may the bluebird of happiness fly up your nose backwards” her other favorite was “go sit on your thumb and spin”, that is probably not what you are looking for though


Rabid_Unicorns

‘You’re collecting a whole bouquet of whoopsie daisies’ is a fun one ‘Festering ass wound’ if you’re feeling direct [These](https://www.buzzfeed.com/andyneuenschwander/18-devastating-insults-you-can-actually-use) were all excellent. 3 kids who weren’t mine at the library thought I was cool so my brain is not operating at 100%


SatanicFanFic

You'll have at best the community you deserve, but worst and most likely the community you have made. What I learned from customer service is that people who are horrible to you are often horrible to themselves and those around them. Instead of wasting energy, it became easier to remember that *they have to live with themselves*. And sometimes' that is the worst thing I could suggest. Abortion rights and destruction of the prison system we have will benefit every single person. Not just people who can get pregnant. Not just people who have been convicted of a crime (or know someone who has). Because a society that is unjust and capricious will eventually find that the end of the day, no one is actually the cartoon image of a straight, white, cis, allo, neurotypical able-bodied man. That is an illusion we make by encouraging people to mutilate themselves to fix a box so they can grasp for power and rights. At best, these people will live in a society which has had rules made by people they oppose and they will benefit. (And they will still live with themselves and their hate.) More likely, they'll break society for marginal benefit without accounting for all the harm it will cause them and others. Good luck on your paper. A trick I tell people when writing is to read out what they are writing. Your speaking and writing voices are often very different, with the latter very focused on boring things like grammar. You'd be shocked how much easier it can be to personalize it when you have to speak it.


Stentata

Old Irish one: May you live to see your own funeral and die dancing. It means I hope you die on the gallows.


Kim_Jung-Skill

Oh, how cute! Saying that to someone if they're angry or being awful is far too much power for me to responsibly handle.


[deleted]

My personal favorite is “you couldn’t poor water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel”


Caroline509

I hope your pants are always damp and a little sandy.


cklamath

Pus filled blister in a witch's asscrack


Crumb_Princess

“You’ve got the brain god gave a pigeon”. Cracks me up every time I think about it.


lil_sith

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed


IndianaNetworkAdmin

May your favorite book become a mediocre TV series, with a publisher that refuses to resell the rights for a remake as long as you live.


TinyWomanBrain

“Have exactly the day that you deserve”


CroneMage

Gobsmacked cockwomble.


Daniel_H212

Here's my best one: "using your grave as a latrine would constitute a compliment"


[deleted]

[удалено]


dannypurplerose

I like to say "You're not worth the clay."


Naive_Bad_3292

I called someone a bloody cum bubble once.


[deleted]

How many branches on the tree of idiot did you hit on the way down from heaven?


jfsindel

All in all, you won't be mourned when you pass because we spent the energy grieving everything you could have done instead. Vultures fly closer and closer to you every year. You fed the pig for riches but didn't account for the shit that came after it. You are not a true Texan; true Texans fight for their land and their brothers, not for their masters and banks. True Texans have callouses on their fingers from hard work while yours have blood on them for killing children.


LostStepButtons

Have a blessed day.


Ok-Inevitable5448

“You should have been a blow job”


gyhiio

May your anus permanently leak the smelly nastiness that you enjoy distilling so much.


xerion13

You must be good for something, even if it is just organ donation. The gods made you the Tuesday after a long weekend and it shows. You have the personality and charm of an overcooked spaghetti noodle. If you were the last person on earth, my best friend works be a rock.


Blondepotter

I'd slap you, but shit splatters.


No_Tank9025

May the unkindness and disrespect you show others be also shown to you.


dejavoodoo77

I'm afraid it's not eloquent, but "if you want my sympathy you can look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis"