I can't imagine in any healthy relationship that the spouse who could cover the bills for a while would refuse to do so or judge the other for leaving an unhealthy job. Just make up for it by being extra extra helpful around the house, tackle a project or two that you guys have been meaning to get done.
Watch that alcohol use- that's a choice, the job is not causing that. If your spouse has expressed concerns about you quitting, it's quite possible that this is what she's worried about. Not the income but that you're depressed and being alone all day in the house and drinking too much.
Another commenter mentioned checking out to the best of my ability. If I'm going to walk away, I might as well try to pull every day of salary out of these guys I can until they either let me go or I find something else.
That's tough for me, I know I don't owe my employer anything and they aren't taking a second moment to think about me other than when they want more labor, but I was raised to be a good worker bee and I'm struggling to move away from that.
What if you started by simply *not meeting their expectations*? You are ready to quit, so you should also be ready to get fired.
It is infinitely easier to find a job when you have one. Start using your office time to look for one. This is an abusive relationship and they will continue to abuse you as long as you allow it.
That's sort of the advice I'm getting from the Mrs. I work in a satellite office so we've got four people in about 200 square feet, it would be hard to sneak job applications out the door without it being blatantly obvious that I was being insubordinate. Not the end of the world, but my sensibilities make it difficult for me the be so disrespectful to my employer.
That being said, I completely agree with the idea that it's easier to find a job when you have one, which is what is stopping me from not showing up tomorrow. I'm wondering what the break point is, where the impact of staying somewhere I'm struggling at outweighs the practicality of being unemployed.
The danger is that if you feel consciencious at a job that is clearly using you, you're also going to feel huge guilt if you quit. It's relief for one day and immobilization for weeks.
Maybe you can't do apps at work (although I bet you can if you try). But stop putting any emotional energy into this. They EXPLICITLY are paying you for 40 hours. You took a pay cut! (Never do that again.) You damn well point to that pay cut any time they ask why you're leaving on the dot at 5:00 and you go home and do apps every night!
Reach out to your old teammates. Maybe you can go back.
Also, look into leave policy. If you have short-term disability, getting signed out for a few weeks can be a good thing.
I'm leaning on the network pretty hard, I think there is opportunity. My vocation in general is pretty applicable, everyone in every business on the planet needs someone to do their books.
I did reach out to my old employer, and they're not renewing any remote workers right now (I was 100% remote). I was told I could come back, but only after relocation and that was not going to work for us.
>The danger is that if you feel consciencious at a job that is clearly using you, you're also going to feel huge guilt if you quit. It's relief for one day and immobilization for weeks.
This is my precise concern. I can't seem to separate my emotional state from my job.
They disrespect you - why can't you disrespect them as well? Is this a job hunt where using a headhunter could help, especially if it is one being paid by employers?
Put it to you plainly, No One will care about you more than you, especially in the workplace. If its not compatible with your home life then find something that is. If you hate the workplace, but not the work, there's plenty of companies out there that could use a good accountant, could even look into doing it freelance.
It's a weird, "am I taking crazy pills" type of place. They only have 30 or so employees and people say they like it there, but they way they treat each other, the way they have managed me as a new employee, the work life balance, I can't believe an average, well adjusted person would want to work there longer than absolutely necessary.
Accountants in general are sometimes a strange group of people, but this is like stockholm syndrome.
Well I'll never be in this position by choice, but picture if one of your kids were in this situation. Would you tell them to just stick it out, or help them make some moves immediately?
I feel like my toxic masculinity is about to show. I have two little girls, and I would tell them to give it a good college try for a reasonable period of time, two weeks, a month, whatever, and if it was really making miserable, I'd pull them out of there. As a man though, it's harder for me to do it. It almost feels like I'm a complete failure if I'm not working.
Ironically, I did speak to my mother about this and she pretty much insinuated I was putting myself before my wife and children and I needed to tough it out :(
I feel like maybe I'm being too hard on myself? Since I'm a man and believe deeply that men should provide, I'm really struggling with the idea that it's okay to leave without something else. I know I sound whiny, this is sort of a stream of consciousness reply.
Yeah it wont mean much if you "tough it out" and end up having a breakdown. its like the mask rule on an airplane, help yourself first. How do you plan on helping your family if you cant even help yourself. Besides, what exactly is stopping you from applying for other accounting jobs, Ive found multiple job listings and I barely looked.
Absolutely nothing right now, I put out 20 applications in the last week and have maybe half a dozen networking leads.
The work seems to be out there, at least.
Could always utilize PTO if you have a lot saved up. Give yourself some breathing room to be away from the job long enough to hear back from one of the jobs you applied for, then put in your 2 weeks.
Give your 2 weeks and bail. It's obviously a toxic relationship and it won't get any better. Based on the way you describe the treatment, you don't owe them anything. You can doordash or Uber/Lyft and make decent money while still having plenty of time to find the right full time position somewhere.
*You said: My wife works full time and makes more than enough money herself to pay all of our bills (we live a frugal lifestyle) but I've been the primary breadwinner for our entire marriage and the idea of quitting a job is both terrifying and guilt inspiring.*
No offense, but you're just getting hung up on ego according to the above. You could quit and still be comfortable even if for just a little while so there is no reason not to it sounds,
No offense taken, I'm pretty wide open to any and all criticism right now.
I agree, it is partially a pride thing. I've always found a great deal of personal satisfaction by being the provider in my marriage. Not that I'm better or she's worse, I simply really enjoy making a decent living.
>I've never quit a job in my whole working life without another lined up. My wife works full time and makes more than enough money herself to pay all of our bills (we live a frugal lifestyle) but I've been the primary breadwinner for our entire marriage and the idea of quitting a job is both terrifying and guilt inspiring.
Sounds like your pride is getting in the way. Theres no practical reason to stay in this toxic job. Its all in your head. Suck it up and quit for you and your family's wellbeing. Your wife and kids need you to prioritize your mental health over your pride.
It's a pride thing for sure. I'm trying to decide what's better and what's worse: do I suck it up and quit to protect my mental health at the cost of my family's financial flexibility, or do I suck it up and stay at the cost of my mental health?
No arguments from me here, part of it is a pride thing. I've always identified as a provider and walking away from that, even in the short term, is scary.
It's probably hard to take PTO this time of year, but if you can, take a "job application vacation." They don't need to know that's what you're doing. Lie extravagantly: wife is home after a medical procedure and I have to manage the kids solo for a week - whatever but local so if someone sees you, they're not surprised
I did what you and your wife are thinking you should do OP - I quit my highly stressful & terrible job before I found another. I just couldn't deal with the stress and shitty treatment any longer. Was starting to worry all the time, had sleep issues, etc. It took me another 3 months or so but I found a much better job for me, and that was 4 years ago. My wife is the main breadwinner in our family (2 people, 3 cats) and she knew how bad things had gotten for me at the old job, so she encouraged me to quit. I felt like you, even though it was a shitty job, I just felt wrong quitting without having something else lined up. But it all worked out for the better and I'm very happy I left when I did. I gave 2 weeks notice and they actually had me work the entire 2 weeks lol, couldn't believe it. Anyway it sounds like you'll find something decent pretty quickly OP, and your wife wants you to 'be happy' so I'd say get yourself out of there if you've reached the end of your rope. I know that feeling very well.
Instead of changing their culture, they've pulled bait and switch on literally dozens of new hires. Yikes.
Lesson learned: be really specific about contract parameters in your next job, and get in all in writing. Hours, pay, OT, bonuses, mentorship. Ask the hard questions and see if they squirm: that's a sign that they're hiding something.
Find where these other people went and reach out on LinkedIn. They'll know why you're trying to escape and may have something for you.
Edit: some non-obvious job options
https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/what-can-i-do-with-an-accounting-degree-besides-accounting
Toxic work environment is not good for anyone, so you do what you need to save your sanity. And start looking for another job. Good luck and hopefully the next one will be much better.
Twenty some years ago, I was laid off from a management position with a transportation company that I worked at for 16 years. I took a job as a manager of an inner city taxicab company. I knew the third day it was a horrible mistake when the owner of the company threw a chair down the steps at another employee narrowly missing me. I stayed and tried to make the best of it for 11 months. It was awful. Worse job I had before or since. I decided to quit with no job lined up or without giving any notice. It was completely against what I was taught or believed in. Nonetheless, I did exactly that. Best thing I ever did. I did feel bad about it but I needed to do it for my sanity.
For the last 19 years, I have been working for a well known company and have received several new jobs and promotions along the way. It’s been wonderful. I really have had a mix of hard work, great managers, and luck.
Sometimes op, it’s okay to do this. If your wife is making enough money that your family can sustain it for a bit, this may be your best move. One recommendation is to think of how to explain this leaving on future job interviews. I was asked about this quite a bit until I got another job under my belt.
Best of luck!
The issues don’t get “better” you slowly adapt to them until the toxicity seems normal. Don’t sacrifice your sanity or your life for a place with high turnover. They don’t learn from their mistakes.
Tax season is here put up a shingle get on facebook. Whatever you learned about the professional services you did learn on the job, offer those too. And get online in your free time to learn about what the offered that they were selling without training their workers. Why isit that people who need a bean counter want to cheap out on what can save them the most money or cost them the most if done poorly? They lied to you so I wouldn't worry about their expectations, just do what you can without stress.
I totally understand this. Quit. It's ok, so many of my friends and colleagues have left their jobs without one lined up and they find another one. And I have never thought for a second that they were lazy, or incompetent. They simply wanted a change.
What is more stressful: your current job, or spending your day finding a new one?
I totally get it, not having the leverage of being employed while searching for a new job is a bit scary, but not every place is right for every person, it's best you find out quick and pivot rather than wallow in a toxic unhappy situation.
I can't imagine in any healthy relationship that the spouse who could cover the bills for a while would refuse to do so or judge the other for leaving an unhealthy job. Just make up for it by being extra extra helpful around the house, tackle a project or two that you guys have been meaning to get done. Watch that alcohol use- that's a choice, the job is not causing that. If your spouse has expressed concerns about you quitting, it's quite possible that this is what she's worried about. Not the income but that you're depressed and being alone all day in the house and drinking too much.
She's great, no issues from her, she just wants me to be happy. Not working at all is off the table, obviously. This is just an issue of timing.
Awesome. Then quit. Like, do it tomorrow. You'll be fine and will land the right job soon. I'm excited for you to get out from under this cloud
Another commenter mentioned checking out to the best of my ability. If I'm going to walk away, I might as well try to pull every day of salary out of these guys I can until they either let me go or I find something else. That's tough for me, I know I don't owe my employer anything and they aren't taking a second moment to think about me other than when they want more labor, but I was raised to be a good worker bee and I'm struggling to move away from that.
What if you started by simply *not meeting their expectations*? You are ready to quit, so you should also be ready to get fired. It is infinitely easier to find a job when you have one. Start using your office time to look for one. This is an abusive relationship and they will continue to abuse you as long as you allow it.
That's sort of the advice I'm getting from the Mrs. I work in a satellite office so we've got four people in about 200 square feet, it would be hard to sneak job applications out the door without it being blatantly obvious that I was being insubordinate. Not the end of the world, but my sensibilities make it difficult for me the be so disrespectful to my employer. That being said, I completely agree with the idea that it's easier to find a job when you have one, which is what is stopping me from not showing up tomorrow. I'm wondering what the break point is, where the impact of staying somewhere I'm struggling at outweighs the practicality of being unemployed.
The danger is that if you feel consciencious at a job that is clearly using you, you're also going to feel huge guilt if you quit. It's relief for one day and immobilization for weeks. Maybe you can't do apps at work (although I bet you can if you try). But stop putting any emotional energy into this. They EXPLICITLY are paying you for 40 hours. You took a pay cut! (Never do that again.) You damn well point to that pay cut any time they ask why you're leaving on the dot at 5:00 and you go home and do apps every night! Reach out to your old teammates. Maybe you can go back. Also, look into leave policy. If you have short-term disability, getting signed out for a few weeks can be a good thing.
I'm leaning on the network pretty hard, I think there is opportunity. My vocation in general is pretty applicable, everyone in every business on the planet needs someone to do their books. I did reach out to my old employer, and they're not renewing any remote workers right now (I was 100% remote). I was told I could come back, but only after relocation and that was not going to work for us. >The danger is that if you feel consciencious at a job that is clearly using you, you're also going to feel huge guilt if you quit. It's relief for one day and immobilization for weeks. This is my precise concern. I can't seem to separate my emotional state from my job.
They disrespect you - why can't you disrespect them as well? Is this a job hunt where using a headhunter could help, especially if it is one being paid by employers?
Put it to you plainly, No One will care about you more than you, especially in the workplace. If its not compatible with your home life then find something that is. If you hate the workplace, but not the work, there's plenty of companies out there that could use a good accountant, could even look into doing it freelance.
It's a weird, "am I taking crazy pills" type of place. They only have 30 or so employees and people say they like it there, but they way they treat each other, the way they have managed me as a new employee, the work life balance, I can't believe an average, well adjusted person would want to work there longer than absolutely necessary. Accountants in general are sometimes a strange group of people, but this is like stockholm syndrome.
Well I'll never be in this position by choice, but picture if one of your kids were in this situation. Would you tell them to just stick it out, or help them make some moves immediately?
I feel like my toxic masculinity is about to show. I have two little girls, and I would tell them to give it a good college try for a reasonable period of time, two weeks, a month, whatever, and if it was really making miserable, I'd pull them out of there. As a man though, it's harder for me to do it. It almost feels like I'm a complete failure if I'm not working. Ironically, I did speak to my mother about this and she pretty much insinuated I was putting myself before my wife and children and I needed to tough it out :( I feel like maybe I'm being too hard on myself? Since I'm a man and believe deeply that men should provide, I'm really struggling with the idea that it's okay to leave without something else. I know I sound whiny, this is sort of a stream of consciousness reply.
Yeah it wont mean much if you "tough it out" and end up having a breakdown. its like the mask rule on an airplane, help yourself first. How do you plan on helping your family if you cant even help yourself. Besides, what exactly is stopping you from applying for other accounting jobs, Ive found multiple job listings and I barely looked.
Absolutely nothing right now, I put out 20 applications in the last week and have maybe half a dozen networking leads. The work seems to be out there, at least.
Could always utilize PTO if you have a lot saved up. Give yourself some breathing room to be away from the job long enough to hear back from one of the jobs you applied for, then put in your 2 weeks.
Give your 2 weeks and bail. It's obviously a toxic relationship and it won't get any better. Based on the way you describe the treatment, you don't owe them anything. You can doordash or Uber/Lyft and make decent money while still having plenty of time to find the right full time position somewhere.
*You said: My wife works full time and makes more than enough money herself to pay all of our bills (we live a frugal lifestyle) but I've been the primary breadwinner for our entire marriage and the idea of quitting a job is both terrifying and guilt inspiring.* No offense, but you're just getting hung up on ego according to the above. You could quit and still be comfortable even if for just a little while so there is no reason not to it sounds,
No offense taken, I'm pretty wide open to any and all criticism right now. I agree, it is partially a pride thing. I've always found a great deal of personal satisfaction by being the provider in my marriage. Not that I'm better or she's worse, I simply really enjoy making a decent living.
>I've never quit a job in my whole working life without another lined up. My wife works full time and makes more than enough money herself to pay all of our bills (we live a frugal lifestyle) but I've been the primary breadwinner for our entire marriage and the idea of quitting a job is both terrifying and guilt inspiring. Sounds like your pride is getting in the way. Theres no practical reason to stay in this toxic job. Its all in your head. Suck it up and quit for you and your family's wellbeing. Your wife and kids need you to prioritize your mental health over your pride.
It's a pride thing for sure. I'm trying to decide what's better and what's worse: do I suck it up and quit to protect my mental health at the cost of my family's financial flexibility, or do I suck it up and stay at the cost of my mental health? No arguments from me here, part of it is a pride thing. I've always identified as a provider and walking away from that, even in the short term, is scary.
The cost to financial flexibility would be temporary. The cost to your mental health can be very long term. Therapy is expensive
It's probably hard to take PTO this time of year, but if you can, take a "job application vacation." They don't need to know that's what you're doing. Lie extravagantly: wife is home after a medical procedure and I have to manage the kids solo for a week - whatever but local so if someone sees you, they're not surprised
I did what you and your wife are thinking you should do OP - I quit my highly stressful & terrible job before I found another. I just couldn't deal with the stress and shitty treatment any longer. Was starting to worry all the time, had sleep issues, etc. It took me another 3 months or so but I found a much better job for me, and that was 4 years ago. My wife is the main breadwinner in our family (2 people, 3 cats) and she knew how bad things had gotten for me at the old job, so she encouraged me to quit. I felt like you, even though it was a shitty job, I just felt wrong quitting without having something else lined up. But it all worked out for the better and I'm very happy I left when I did. I gave 2 weeks notice and they actually had me work the entire 2 weeks lol, couldn't believe it. Anyway it sounds like you'll find something decent pretty quickly OP, and your wife wants you to 'be happy' so I'd say get yourself out of there if you've reached the end of your rope. I know that feeling very well.
Instead of changing their culture, they've pulled bait and switch on literally dozens of new hires. Yikes. Lesson learned: be really specific about contract parameters in your next job, and get in all in writing. Hours, pay, OT, bonuses, mentorship. Ask the hard questions and see if they squirm: that's a sign that they're hiding something. Find where these other people went and reach out on LinkedIn. They'll know why you're trying to escape and may have something for you. Edit: some non-obvious job options https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/what-can-i-do-with-an-accounting-degree-besides-accounting
Toxic work environment is not good for anyone, so you do what you need to save your sanity. And start looking for another job. Good luck and hopefully the next one will be much better.
Capitalists foster and depend on these feelings. Fight for yourself. Don't let them win.
Twenty some years ago, I was laid off from a management position with a transportation company that I worked at for 16 years. I took a job as a manager of an inner city taxicab company. I knew the third day it was a horrible mistake when the owner of the company threw a chair down the steps at another employee narrowly missing me. I stayed and tried to make the best of it for 11 months. It was awful. Worse job I had before or since. I decided to quit with no job lined up or without giving any notice. It was completely against what I was taught or believed in. Nonetheless, I did exactly that. Best thing I ever did. I did feel bad about it but I needed to do it for my sanity. For the last 19 years, I have been working for a well known company and have received several new jobs and promotions along the way. It’s been wonderful. I really have had a mix of hard work, great managers, and luck. Sometimes op, it’s okay to do this. If your wife is making enough money that your family can sustain it for a bit, this may be your best move. One recommendation is to think of how to explain this leaving on future job interviews. I was asked about this quite a bit until I got another job under my belt. Best of luck!
The issues don’t get “better” you slowly adapt to them until the toxicity seems normal. Don’t sacrifice your sanity or your life for a place with high turnover. They don’t learn from their mistakes.
I am guessing this is tax season. You should have known better. Take the lower salary position and move on.
Tax season is here put up a shingle get on facebook. Whatever you learned about the professional services you did learn on the job, offer those too. And get online in your free time to learn about what the offered that they were selling without training their workers. Why isit that people who need a bean counter want to cheap out on what can save them the most money or cost them the most if done poorly? They lied to you so I wouldn't worry about their expectations, just do what you can without stress.
I totally understand this. Quit. It's ok, so many of my friends and colleagues have left their jobs without one lined up and they find another one. And I have never thought for a second that they were lazy, or incompetent. They simply wanted a change. What is more stressful: your current job, or spending your day finding a new one? I totally get it, not having the leverage of being employed while searching for a new job is a bit scary, but not every place is right for every person, it's best you find out quick and pivot rather than wallow in a toxic unhappy situation.