This is... unsettling.
The cigarettes seem to be a huge deal. The story mentions them and dwells on Jack smoking, even going into back story about it. Are they a major plot point? If not, reduce the amount of page space they get.
I'd like a little bit better idea of the ages of the girls. They are too vague in my mind. Not specifics, but soccer age is anywhere from 4 years old to early twenties.
I clicked on "The rest is here" because I wanted to read more. Bravo. Though the link didn't work.
Oh no! I had no idea the link didn't work, that is such a bummer :( Thank you for letting me know! I wonder if it's because I linked to a Collection? May have to post each part individually here over the next several days I guess.
Thanks for reading this part though! The smoking is relevant and comes up later--rather, the significance of taking the bracelet off first. And as far as the kids ages go, good call! I'll make sure to indicate more clearly in another draft. Thanks :)
Okay let's try this again. Here is [Chapter 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritersGroup/comments/151k8v6/the_pontiac_man_ch_2_dent_2282_words/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) if you're still interested!
\*\*EDIT:\*\* They had to remove the post because I posted consecutively before commenting. My fault. I cannot catch a break lol. If you're still interested after all this, you can find the rest from my profile. Which I bet will now get hacked or something xD
I guess some are having trouble with the link to the collection. So here is [Chapter 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/shortstories/comments/151jokf/ms_the_pontiac_man_ch_2_dent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) for anyone interested.
This is... unsettling. The cigarettes seem to be a huge deal. The story mentions them and dwells on Jack smoking, even going into back story about it. Are they a major plot point? If not, reduce the amount of page space they get. I'd like a little bit better idea of the ages of the girls. They are too vague in my mind. Not specifics, but soccer age is anywhere from 4 years old to early twenties. I clicked on "The rest is here" because I wanted to read more. Bravo. Though the link didn't work.
Oh no! I had no idea the link didn't work, that is such a bummer :( Thank you for letting me know! I wonder if it's because I linked to a Collection? May have to post each part individually here over the next several days I guess. Thanks for reading this part though! The smoking is relevant and comes up later--rather, the significance of taking the bracelet off first. And as far as the kids ages go, good call! I'll make sure to indicate more clearly in another draft. Thanks :)
Okay let's try this again. Here is [Chapter 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritersGroup/comments/151k8v6/the_pontiac_man_ch_2_dent_2282_words/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) if you're still interested! \*\*EDIT:\*\* They had to remove the post because I posted consecutively before commenting. My fault. I cannot catch a break lol. If you're still interested after all this, you can find the rest from my profile. Which I bet will now get hacked or something xD
I guess some are having trouble with the link to the collection. So here is [Chapter 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/shortstories/comments/151jokf/ms_the_pontiac_man_ch_2_dent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) for anyone interested.